quality of life

Photo by PoPville flickr user flipperman75

“Dear PoPville,

Yesterday at around 6:45pm during the downpour near the EEOB, the kindest man swooped in and, upon seeing me soaking wet, walked me to the bus stop a few blocks away with his umbrella. It was such a nice gestured in and of itself, but it came on the heels of a day where I needed extra reminder of all the goodness in the world. I thanked him but I can’t imagine that he knows what it meant to me and how much I appreciated it. So, to the White House switch board operator: thank you for being such a spectacularly kind and thoughtful human, please know that I will pay it forward.

Thank you!”

Photo by PoPville flickr user ep_jhu

Because a few folks sent me links to this travesty of a listicle – allow me to retort – they write on Vice.com: Here are a few reasons why DC is the Petri dish for the virus infecting America:

“Washington, DC, Is a Celebration of Itself
Washington is basically an open-air museum of America. There are monuments, historical sites, and gift shops dedicated to patriotic tchotchkes everywhere.”

What, you don’t like 10 shirts for 10 dollars? 10 shirts for 10 dollars – that’s a good deal!! Also, you nimrods, the National Mall, which is awesome, does not define the District.

Finally, stop slouching and have some pride.

“Marion Barry
During a 1990 joint FBI/DC police sting operation, Barry was captured on videotape with his former girlfriend using crack cocaine.”

The man has his flaws no doubt about it. The man also cares for and fights for another item on your list below. The man is passionate. Are you the same people you were 25 years ago? What happened in 1990 was absolutely an embarrassment but in fairness does not define his entire life.

“Taxation Without Representation
More than 646,000 Americans live within the legal boundaries of the District of Columbia. They are all required to pay federal taxes. None of them have a representative in Congress with voting rights.”

Good one and this should be on your listicle of why Congress sucks, you jackwagons.

“Summer Is Hell
It’s so hot in Washington this year that the Department of Public Works announced they’d be picking up trash an hour earlier than normal this week”

Yeah because it doesn’t get hot in New York City over the summers. Your beef is with the rotation and tilt of the earth not the District of Columbia – you neanderthals.

“The Poverty Rate Is Out of Control
US Census information that revealed that 18 percent of Washington residents live below the poverty line”

Yes and that same data will tell you that the poverty rate in San Francisco is at 23 percent. This is a national problem you, if I may borrow a phrase, myopic twits.

“Where You Went to School or Where You Work Determines Your Social Class
Like most cities where there’s a dominant industry and a surplus of competition, it’s common to believe that your career or alma mater makes you a better person”

Nobody cares where you went to school. Seriously, nobody cares. And if you’re hanging out with those kind of people well then that’s on you – not us.

Washington DC Is Just Los Angeles for Ugly People
The same rules of status, image, and networking apply here as in LA.

What a novel critique, I’ve never heard that one before!! Damn it – Look at that photo above and tell me I’m ugly. I was once told (possibly by my mom but nevermind that!) that is the face of a middle aged Paul Newman – and there are plenty of us out there you superficial wannabees.

The Redskins
Today, the US Patent Office canceled the trademark registration for the Washington Redskins football team.

The Redskins name is most definitely offensive to many. And that lies at the feet of their owner. The team (not even mentioning their super bowl victories) is an integral part of the fabric of DC. For many years and even today it remains one of the unifying forces in the District – fandom bridges income, race, age etc. Hell, even the DC rivalry with DC based Dallas fans is mostly good natured and also bridges divides. Wait till next year fools.

What to do I say to poop pickin’ haters?

“There is a dog poop problem in my neighborhood. It is so bad that people have even hung signs encouraging people to pick up their dog poop.

Anyways, I have two lovely adoptees and a third, a mastiff, that was abandoned at the house that we purchased — we call him the most expensive dog we ever purchased, because he came with the house. We take care of our pups — vet, groomer for the hairy one, glucosamine for the older ones, and special diets for each.

More importantly, we pick up our dog poop. We pick up so much poop that we order poop bags from Amazon by the thousand. We pick up so much poop that we have a designated poop can to throw the poop in. We pick up so much poop that sometimes when there is another dog’s poop next to our dogs poop, we pick up that poop — because it is the neighborly thing to do. I even offered to share my poop in a package for someone having package thief problems to act as a “Trojan package”.

There are some people that have yelled at me while my dog is pooping on the frontage. Most recently, while my dog was mid-poop and I already had a poop bag on my hand, a neighbor, who has not been very neighborly at all since we moved in, opened her second story window and yelled, “You better pick up that up.”

So, I want your suggestions — How can I say back that is entertaining to me or the people witnessing to keep the mood light when someone is so angry they they need to yell at me before my dog is even finished pooping?”