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Reasons Why the authors of ‘Reasons Why Washington, DC, Is the Worst Place Ever’ are Wrong

by Prince Of Petworth June 20, 2014 at 4:20 pm 36 Comments

Photo by PoPville flickr user ep_jhu

Because a few folks sent me links to this travesty of a listicle – allow me to retort – they write on Vice.com: Here are a few reasons why DC is the Petri dish for the virus infecting America:

“Washington, DC, Is a Celebration of Itself
Washington is basically an open-air museum of America. There are monuments, historical sites, and gift shops dedicated to patriotic tchotchkes everywhere.”

What, you don’t like 10 shirts for 10 dollars? 10 shirts for 10 dollars – that’s a good deal!! Also, you nimrods, the National Mall, which is awesome, does not define the District.

Finally, stop slouching and have some pride.

“Marion Barry
During a 1990 joint FBI/DC police sting operation, Barry was captured on videotape with his former girlfriend using crack cocaine.”

The man has his flaws no doubt about it. The man also cares for and fights for another item on your list below. The man is passionate. Are you the same people you were 25 years ago? What happened in 1990 was absolutely an embarrassment but in fairness does not define his entire life.

“Taxation Without Representation
More than 646,000 Americans live within the legal boundaries of the District of Columbia. They are all required to pay federal taxes. None of them have a representative in Congress with voting rights.”

Good one and this should be on your listicle of why Congress sucks, you jackwagons.

“Summer Is Hell
It’s so hot in Washington this year that the Department of Public Works announced they’d be picking up trash an hour earlier than normal this week”

Yeah because it doesn’t get hot in New York City over the summers. Your beef is with the rotation and tilt of the earth not the District of Columbia – you neanderthals.

“The Poverty Rate Is Out of Control
US Census information that revealed that 18 percent of Washington residents live below the poverty line”

Yes and that same data will tell you that the poverty rate in San Francisco is at 23 percent. This is a national problem you, if I may borrow a phrase, myopic twits.

“Where You Went to School or Where You Work Determines Your Social Class
Like most cities where there’s a dominant industry and a surplus of competition, it’s common to believe that your career or alma mater makes you a better person”

Nobody cares where you went to school. Seriously, nobody cares. And if you’re hanging out with those kind of people well then that’s on you – not us.

Washington DC Is Just Los Angeles for Ugly People
The same rules of status, image, and networking apply here as in LA.

What a novel critique, I’ve never heard that one before!! Damn it – Look at that photo above and tell me I’m ugly. I was once told (possibly by my mom but nevermind that!) that is the face of a middle aged Paul Newman – and there are plenty of us out there you superficial wannabees.

The Redskins
Today, the US Patent Office canceled the trademark registration for the Washington Redskins football team.

The Redskins name is most definitely offensive to many. And that lies at the feet of their owner. The team (not even mentioning their super bowl victories) is an integral part of the fabric of DC. For many years and even today it remains one of the unifying forces in the District – fandom bridges income, race, age etc. Hell, even the DC rivalry with DC based Dallas fans is mostly good natured and also bridges divides. Wait till next year fools.

  • chip

    good rebuttal. vice just seems to be in the business of dumping on any city that isn’t new york.

  • ShermanCircle

    Well said, sir. I’d appoint you our fine city’s Ambassador Most Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary if I had a say

  • bruno

    At least the author got out of New York for once in his life. I know people in Brooklyn who never leave and who can’t drive. Pa-rochial!

  • Oh_Sweet_Thing

    “Your beef is with the rotation and the tilt of the earth” LOL

  • Anonymous

    Way to go, Dan!

  • jim_ed

    BUT VICE IS SO HIP! They’ve cornered the market in using sarcasm to totally obfuscate the fact that they carry water and give editorial control to their corporate sponsors. Also, they pay their employees like shit because the edginess you gain from working there can be saved for retirement!

  • Anonymous

    Drop the mic

  • Reality

    The author(s) of the pathetic VICE article reeked. They obviously have no real connection to the city, have visited all the wrong places, have met all the wrong people, and have been in all the wrong neighborhoods (which I don’t think there are, there’s charm everywhere) … It was a dribbled piece of junk that I could’t even finish.

    • Anonymous

      You have an awful strong opinion about something you admittedly didn’t bother finishing.

  • skj84

    I mentioned on another site it’s like some New Yorkers have this insecurity about their city that can be only relieved by dumping on DC. Like the popular kids beating up the nerds when they feel ugly or something.

    1. New York is just as hot as DC in the summer. I like to describe entering the subways in August as descending into the seven circles of hell.

    2. Some of the most attractive people I know I’ve meet in DC. And as someone whose not to bad looking herself I resent the idea that my city makes me ugly.

    • bruno

      Yeah, NYC is very hot in summer, and gritty in a way that sitcks to your skin like nothing we have in D.C. The humid air sluices through those concrete canyons.

      • skj84

        Plus that horrible grimy feeling. I would never where white in NYC during the summer, I feel like it would turn grey quickly.

  • Anonymous

    Its easy to bash on the city you dont live in and are not a part of. I like to think us folk in DC are taking the city in a direction that will make people proud say 100 years from now. Although there are a lot of glass boxes popping up all around us! And theres plenty of attractive people here :) more than i saw on my one trip to NY/ I did not like that place….dirty dirty dirty trash on the sidewalks everywhere discusting metro. Other than that seems like a fine place to live!

  • Anonymous

    twits, jackwagons, neanderthals!! keep zingin ’em Pop!!

  • cMaryc

    People like that? “woah, yeah. You’re the bomb. Go be happy with your wonder self. Love your wonder city, wonder weather, wonderfulness. Just clam up and get away from us while you’re at it. Gives us more room to keep on partying.”

  • Anonymous

    Calling these authors Neanderthals is an insult to Neanderthals.

    • Geor

      I disagree, its not an insult, with only 12% difference in DNA, ITS closer to aCOMPLIMENT. It is also my understanding that they are extinct.

  • Juiced

    Great rebuttal.. And you are a fine looking lad! Represent!! :)

  • dno

    Some variation of this list comes out every few years, written either by someone who moved from the Midwest and can’t handle living in a bigger city or who lives in New York and desperately misses their artisanal bagels when they are down here on assignment. So no credit to the authors for originality, but props for drawing a reaction.

    The truth is that this is close to, if not the best, city in the country to live in if you are young, childless, and well-educated. Opportunity abounds and so does fun, but unlike New York there’s plenty of breathing room and the whole thing is not propped up by the financial industry (government instead, so maybe that’s a wash).

  • Am I the only one who was like “what the fuck is vice.com”?

    • Ally

      nope. +1

  • Anonymous

    Am I the only one that wonders why anyone would bother spending time worrying about any of this?

  • ET

    My problem isn’t so much with the what is on the list is that it is so freaking lazy. Did they think on this for more than 10 min.

    As for the hot, clearly the author has never been in Miami or New Orleans during the months of May though September…… and really blaming D.C. for the actions/inactions of Congress and the owner of the football team. Really? Again, totally lazy.

  • Anonymous

    By the way it’s written, it seems to me that the authors have never been to NEW YORK let alone DC. First of all, they rip DC for our poverty level? Have the authors have ever been to Bed-Sty, the South Bronx, or Jamaica, Queens – or perhaps they’re too busy living off their trust fund dollars in their chic Chelsea apartments to realize that there are millions of poor people in New York, and their poverty rate is much higher than the District. And yes, we have Dan Snyder and Marion Berry. But they have Donald Trump, and Rudy Guilliani. And the whole argument that there are “gift shops dedicated to patriotic tchotchkes everywhere?” The comment seems to imply that there are no tacky gift shops in New York. Which is true, with the exception of Times Square, or Mid Town, or Greenwich Village, or CANAL STREET, the Ground Zero Museum, and almost all of Manhattan. The argument “where you went to school or where you work determines your social class?” seems to imply that this isn’t true in NY. This one really blew me away. Are they trying to imply that a poor kid from the South Bronx that didn’t graduate from High School has as much opportunity as the trust fund baby? Or that an investment banker with a Harvard Degree is in the same social class as the recent Haitian Immigrant from Queens? And the comment about ugly people? I’ve been all around the 5 boroughs (including Staten Island) and I’ve seen tons ugly people. And yes, the same rules of status and networking apply in New York too.

    • skj84

      +1000. Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

  • LoganRes

    Anytime a New Yorker rips on DC is just showing their fear of what we are are and are becoming. We’re more of a European city and much more liberal and that just drives them crazy.

  • The first thing I thought when reading the original article was that Vice was looking to drum up some controversy that would translate into more visitors for its site. In that regard, Vice has likely succeeded. Unfortunately, I think the original article is just another example of the misconceptions some people outside of this area have about DC. DC has its problems, sure, but so does every other place. Some things are better here than in other places, and some things are worse, but we are definitely not “the worst” as the original article claims to be.

  • Anonymous

    It seems like you’re the one who lacks a sense of humor. See PoPville’s tongue-in-cheek response above.

  • Mike


    This piece of hot garbage from Vice reminded me immediately of Travel and Leisure’s 2013 ranking of DC as one of “America’s Snobbiest Cities” (and WaPo’s response):


    Haters gonna hate (forever).

  • Fairmont

    “Washington DC Is Just Los Angeles for Ugly People”

    This has been said because all of the famous people are politicians… Senators and congressmen are not famous because they are attractive. But that has nothing to do with the rest of the people that live and work here. If they are going to pull a lame quote like that, they should at least use it in the correct context.

    • AG

      I think it’s fair to say that DC is Los Angeles for people who don’t spend as much on their looks. I’m originally from Miami, and people aren’t objectively more attractive in either place. The difference is, in Miami, women won’t go to TGIFridays without 5 inch heels and a face full of makeup. Obviously, there are people in DC who are fashion conscious and people in Miami who don’t give a crap, but the latter, as I’m sure is the case with LA, is much more image obsessed.

  • iHawkeye

    Pretty sure the Vice writers only experiences in DC are a middle school trip 10-20 years ago and binge watching House of Cards on Netflix. Otherwise house could you honestly write that DC hasn’t changed dramatically even in the last 10 years. I’ve been in and out of DC for the better part of the last 6 years and watching areas like 14th St, H St, Petworth and Bloomingdale transform has been pretty amazing. Is there more to do? Absolutely, but as Dan says, income inequality is a huge problem nationally not just DC.

  • BW

    While I appreciate your valiant attempt to defend the District POP, a lot of the criticisms are justified. No place is perfect and we shouldn’t expect it to be. I appreciate DC for what it is. It has a lot going for it.

    These ugly people’s self-worth is wrapt up in their job. That’s just how they are. I have a good group of friends who could care less but they take some time to find.

    Also the closedmindedness, that’s the straw for me. I could tolerate it all, if people were open minded.


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