For the past two months, I’ve been regularly biking to work–and I love it. While this won’t surprise any seasoned rider, I was shocked to realize that taking a bike to work is the fastest way for me to get from my home in Petworth to my office downtown–way faster than Metro, bus, or even car.

Despite the looming threat of death, squishing, and stuff like that, I think “biking” part of biking to work is the easy part. To me, the hardest part is the “work” part. I’m not a fussy person, really. But after a good ride in, I don’t want to spend the rest of the day smelling like the dude passed out on the sidewalk outside. So that involves a lot of things–like showering (read: being naked in front of other biking/running co-workers), and bringing towels, soap, and shampoo to work.

Then, though I find my tight bike shorts to be quite comfortable (not to mention very flattering), it doesn’t really fall into the category of “business attire.” So I need to have something else to wear all day.

So I’ve been experimenting around with different systems. Sometimes I shower at work–sometimes I bring in some baby wipes and clean up in the privacy of my office (blinds closed–don’t get too excited). Sometimes I bring in clothes in a backpack, sometimes I stop in on a weekend and drop of some clothes for the week.

I ask everyone I know about their bike to work routine and almost everyone has a religious like adherence to their “perfect system.”

But nothing seems to work consistently well for me. For example, the other weekend we were going out one evening and I remembered that my black dress shoes were in my office, thus requiring a last minute drive to the office…to get some shoes.

So I ask all my fellow biker out there–how do you coordinate getting from home to work, then preparing for your day in big boy/girl clothes?

When this first came into my mailbox, I was like, “really, an online chat about trash?” But then I started to think about all the stuff I’m constantly looking up about how, when, and where to disposes of all my Lord of Petworth refuse and unwantedness, and realized this could really be helpful.

So here is the 411 on how to talk trash:

Do you know which items are to be collected with your regular trash schedule and for which you need to schedule a bulk appointment?

Are you new to the city and still not sure of your collection date?

Do people dump or place trash illegally in the alleys near your home?

Are your neighbors setting out their trash correctly?

Do you know what to do if your trash or recycling can needs to be replaced?

Are there alternatives to purchasing a DC government can?

Get answers to these questions and more by tuning into the Department of Public Works (DPW) Solid Waste Management Administration’s live, online chat Wednesday, May 25, 2011 at noon. Residents can join or follow the discussion at dpw.dc.gov/livechat once the chat session begins. To submit questions in advance, send an email to [email protected]

WHAT: Live, One-Hour Chat to discuss Trash Collection in the District

WHEN: Wednesday, May 25, 2011, 12:00-1:00 pm

WHERE: dpw.dc.gov/livechat

This will be the 13th in a series of monthly online chats with DPW Director William O. Howland, Jr., and other DPW officials. Next month’s online chat will discuss DPW’s rules and procedures for citizens’ hauling items to the Ft. Totten Transfer Station.

Good morning Popville! And welcome to the third, and final, day of this latest reign of me, the Lord of Petworth. PoP is (supposed to be) back tomorrow.

Another glorious day in the life of a fill-in blogger (read: I am sitting in my underwear in my basement…TMI, I know, but I like to keep it real).

Anyhow…

So I’d love some help figuring something out.

Someone once told me that there is a large amount of abandoned marble, columns, etc… inside Rock Creek Park. Supposedly they used to be part of some federal building that was moved, destroyed, rebuilt, or something.

It’s not quite as cool or put together as the old Capitol columns in the Arboretum, but it is supposed to be a cool place to visit, hang out, and take pictures.

Anyone have any clue what I’m talking about? If so, is it as cool to visit as I’ve heard?

So, here is another non-hypothetical hypothetical quandary. However, unlike yesterday’s post, I’m pretty sure this bird does not read this blog–so I think it is safe to discuss the bird’s fate here.

And speaking of the bird’s fate, here is today’s quandary…

The pictured bird deserves some congratulations–she is expecting. She build a nest up in the corner of our back door overhang and has been settling in quite nicely.

However, as does happen, every time we take out the garbage or let the dog out into our back yard–the bird swoops out of the nest and perches on a nearby wire and bitches us out royally. Even her mate gets in on the smack talk.

Now I’m a pretty thick-skinned guy, so their hateful tweets do not bother me (too much). Under normal circumstances, I’d say that we’d just work this out: we’ll go out that door as infrequently as possible until the young are born and off on their own.

Here is the rub: we just (before the nest building started) ordered a new custom door and frame that will replace the door right next to the nest. Not only will the door be replaced, but they are knocking out the entire structure around the door. While the overhang and the nest won’t be moved or destroyed, it will be a loud, disruptive, messy mess for a few days.

Because the door had to be custom made (thank you, Petworth builders, for putting in 27 inch doors–nearly impossible to replace easily and cheaply), it will be a few weeks until they are ready to work.

So the quandary: what do I do?

Attempt to evict them now? Wait and see what happens when the door is installed? Call some “expert” for help–if there even is such an expert.

My worry is that while there might be eggs there now (can’t really tell, but she is sitting in there 24/7 now), but when the door comes, there might be little baby birds–and disrupting the mother’s ability to be there might be disastrous.

So, what do you think I should do?

Work by Brandon Hill on view in ChickenVille at the Lamont Bishop Gallery. Some spray paint cans may have been harmed in the making of this art. Photo by Juan Pineda.

This week marks the return of two of the most popular summertime museum deals in the city: Jazz in the Garden at the National Gallery of Art and Free Summer Saturdays at the Corcoran Gallery. Starting the 27th, catch free jazz concerts every Friday evening from 5 to 8:30 p.m. in the NGA’s Sculpture Garden. The inaugural band is Silver Spring-based Brazilian group Origem. At the other end of the Mall, the Corcoran will open its galleries to the public at no cost every Saturday until Labor Day. For other worthwhile art events that won’t be half as crowded, here are this week’s highlights:

ChickenVille at the Lamont Bishop Gallery: This weekend I happened to bump into artist Brandon Hill installing works just hours before the opening of his solo show at Lamont Bishop, a newish gallery not far from Long View and Civilian Art Projects. Hill, who is also participating in Art Whino’s G40 exhibition at vitaminwater uncapped LIVE, works in a variety of mediums, most notably found objects, such as shoes, spray cans, skateboards and furniture. Most prominent during my visit — aside from a temporary heap of discarded spray cans and butchered skateboard decks that could have been an installation in itself — were Hill’s elaborate skateboard sculptures. One sprouts a gnarled branch while another morphs into a violin. The final product will definitely be worth a visit. FREE. On view until June 11. Metro: Mt. Vernon Square-Convention Center.

“Gyöngy Laky: Geometric Disturbances” at the Textile Museum: Gyöngy Laky’s simple but mesmerizing language art and vessel sculptures are constructed using found objects and materials in nature. Her art has been featured in the New York Times, and she has work on display currently in the Textile Museum’s Green exhibition. See her discuss her method and body of work this Thursday evening at the museum. May 26 at 6 p.m. Tickets are $20 for members and $25 for non-members; advanced registration is required. Metro: Dupont Circle.

Body at the Corcoran Gallery of Art: D.C.-based interdisciplinary artist Chajana denHarder will conclude a month-long performance art piece this Saturday at the Corcoran. Throughout May she has been collecting responses from D.C. residents to the questions “What do you most desire?” and “What have you lost?” and adding the messages to eight plaster casts of her body that correspond to the eight D.C. wards. This weekend she will “use her body to collapse the eight body casts together,” symbolically destroying the boundaries that divide Washingtonians. The work is sponsored by the D.C. Commission on Arts and Humanities. You can still submit your anonymous response by emailing [email protected]. FREE. May 28 at 2 p.m. Metro: Farragut West or Farragut North.

Opening at the Studio Gallery: If conceptual art, found objects and performance pieces are not really your style, the upcoming exhibition at Studio Gallery might better suit your taste. Three gallery artists, Carol Rubin, Andrew Acquadro and Freda Lee-McCann, will have their work on view for the next several weeks. While the painters have diverse thematic concerns, they all tend towards expressive figuration and landscape — and occasionally slip into abstraction. On view May 25 to June 18. FREE. Metro: Dupont Circle.

Have you ever looked at the cheap movies for sale at 7 Eleven and wondered “Who buys these?” and “What are all these movies?” Well, wonder no more. As a public service, your Lord of Petworth bought a few (on impulse) and brings you this review.

About 20 minutes into watching Leaves of Grass (the madcap pot comedy starring multiple Oscar-nominee Edward Norton), my dog, who had been sitting on the couch next to me the entire time, farted, then got up and walked out of the room.

If you are in a hurry, you can probably just accept my dog’s review of the movie and leave it there.

Leaves of Grass (with the tag line “Drugs, Murder, and Brotherly Love”) is a tale of crazy hi-jinx when a pair of identical brothers (both played by Norton–one an Ivy League Classics professor, the other a small-town pot grower) try to outwit the local drug kingpin who wants the pot growing brother to switch to–gasp–producing meth instead. In what should have been his emergence as the Patty Duke of our era, Norton’s entire double presence in this movie (along with fellow otherwise-credible castmates Susan Sarandon, Tim Blake Nelson, and Richard Dreyfuss–oh, scratch that, I just remembered Mr Holland’s Opus) leads one to question if he was too high to realize the cameras were actually on and it was time to start acting.

In case you’d never picked up on this, people who smoke marijuana tend to get very bloodshot eyes, react slowly, and become hungry and slightly introspective. This seems to be the base of all the film’s attempts at humor. Oh, except for the digs at Oklahoma.

The movie is supposed to take place in Oklahoma. I think it is kinda obvious that the writers, filmmakers, and actors have never actually been to Oklahoma, or even know anyone from Oklahoma, or perhaps they were all too stoned–as they depict small town Oklahoma as being more like a pot-fueled version of Deliverance. In their world, it seems every resident of Oklahoma has a mullet, bad teeth, and considerable beard stubble (even the ladies).

The most offensive element of this tragically unfunny movie is that they periodically try to take themselves seriously. The professor and his love interest (Keri Russell) have these deep conversations about poetry, following your dreams, and truth–and they aren’t even high when having them! They even try to fold in the movie’s namesake work of Whitman by quoting him as they gut a 40-pound catfish (seriously).

Now, when the good folks making American Pie Presents The Naked Mile were making their film–they knew what was expected of them: drinking and boob jokes. They stuck to the formula, don’t pretend to be more, and you can’t fault them for it. They didn’t try to sneak some Nietzsche in there in-between the diarrhea jokes.

But when the makers of Leaves of Grass were trying to “sing the body electric,” they forgot to make the rest of the movie funny.

Oh, and how did they deal with the drug kingpin? They kill him. (Oops, spoiler alert!!)

Verdict: pass it up, get a Slurpee and Taquito instead.

Photo by flickr user stgermh

I think my wife’s friend summed it up best when he txt’d us shortly after visiting Bill’s Seafood Kitchen (aka Fish in the Hood) for the first time on our recommendation:

“F**k you for not telling me about this sooner.”

Some other friends of ours live close to Bill’s Seafood Kitchen (3601 Georgia Ave. NW near Otis) and raved about it for quite some time, yet we never went. In fact, we’d lived in Petworth almost three and a half years before trying it.

Now, it is like an addiction. The wife and I discuss how long it has been since we last went–and if it has been an acceptable amount of time in order to go again.

It has become our DC best kept secret. And I’d like to hear about yours, too. But first, more about this amazing place.

Bill’s (most people just call it Fish in the Hood because of the window signage) makes amazing seafood. It has been briefly mentioned here before, but it is kind of surprising how under the radar it is, even by Petworth standards. It isn’t much to look at, but they keep the focus on what’s important–the fish. It’s a little overwhelming when you walk inside. There are about a dozen or more varieties of fish (you know a place has it goin’ on when you order tilapia and they ask “male or female?”), plus scallops and shrimp. Once you order (by weight) they will expertly fry or broil your fish. The sides are pretty great too. And they have this stuff called “Mango sauce” which is the most amazing sauce for fish and chicken you’ll ever try.

Discovering Bill’s has suddenly made us interested in finding other “best kept secrets.” Of course, these places aren’t literally secrets–but they are just so sweet to discover. Sure, there are some places that might be categorized as “best kept secrets” that, literally, are best kept secret. But hey, you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince, right?

Out most recent discovery has been Ruff and Ready just over the line in Hyattsville/PG County. They only have three items on the menu: blue crab, Alaska King Crab legs, and spiced shrimp. That’s it. No sides. No fuss. Nothing. But those three items are to die for.

So let’s hear yours? Any recent discoveries or places you think others would flip out about? Things mostly under the radar that you’d love to see more widely enjoyed?

Come on, really?

In between throwing down pearls of wisdom yesterday, I went outside to mow the lawn. (I am truly a renaissance man, aren’t I?) While I was clearing out the mower, I looked down and saw about eight mosquitos enjoying a delicious lunch on my tab, so to speak.

Now I’m willing to live in a mosquito’s world during July and August, but it’s May, give me a break. Already?

Over the years I have spent untold bundles of cash on containing/killing/distracting/confusing the little bastards, yet my arms and legs always end up looking like a teenager’s face all summer long.

Despite all my efforts, I’ve only tapped the tip of the mosquito battling arsenal.

So now, I turn to you. Organic, chemical, thermonuclear–doesn’t matter. What are your best/favorite/most effective mosquito battling techniques?

I know its only Tuesday, but with Memorial Day this weekend, it has me thinking: I’m curious if folks generally avoid going downtown on holiday weekends.

Normally, sharing our city with visitors and tourists is not a big deal. It is a big place, it can accomodate a lot of people. But my assumption is that I should stay away on holiday weekends because it just becomes too much to enjoy.

Events like Rolling Thunder and memorial ceremonies are wonderful, moving events–but I just feel that they are–for me–better appreciated from afar. I can use the Mall and parks any weekend, I figure, so why frustrate everyone by adding myself to the mix?

If you still use the downtown parks and Mall on holidays, I’m curious what your experience is like. If you don’t, any hidden gems that you retreat to in order to get out of the house, yet avoid the holiday masses?

Good morning Popville!

I’d like to welcome you to Day Two of the latest reign of me, the Lord of Petworth.

People had some absolutely amazing and witty comments to yesterday’s posts–thank you for weighing in and playing along.

And for those who followed my non-hypothetical hypothetical quandary yesterday, you’ll be happy–and amused–that I really stepped in it big time. Seems the neighbors I was concerned about–read this blog! Turns out they figured out who I was–and I figured out who they were–through the comments section of the post (and who says no one reads comments). As one PoPville commenter put it, “There is some good Internet playing out right here.”

I showed up with a six-pack of “liquid apology” and we all had a good laugh about it. I no longer felt like an ass. Then my dog piddled on their carpet. Then I felt like an ass again. They still had a great sense of humor about it all.

So, needless to say, I have awesome new neighbors.

Lesson learned–keep the hypothetical quandaries…hypothetical.

Now, let’s move on and see how I can embarrass myself today.

And again–tips, suggestions, complaints, and wisdom-seeking can be directed to eric (dot) nuzum (at) gmail (dot) com.