Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user bajidc

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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178 Comment

  • Rave: Those donuts. Oh man. I wish I had a donut right now.
    Unknown: Never heard from the Business Card Guy. We’ll see what happens in the coming week but I’m not expecting anything. Oh well, it was worth a shot. Maybe he did really just want a business card?
    Rant: I need it to be Friday already. This week is dragging. But I’m also kind of terrified at how fast time is moving because I am starting training for my promotion next week and I am struggling with imposter syndrome a little.
    Unknown: For some reason my work computer isn’t recognizing “donut” or “imposter” as real words.

  • Rave: Baby Artie’s first sleep was six hours long.
    Rant: Baby Artie was then up at 1, 3, 4:30, and 5:45. Are you trying to destroy me, little guy?
    Rave: Baby Artie is sweet and charming and growing like a weed. These qualitied keep us from exposing him on a hillside.
    Rant: I am so tired. I don’t think there’s enough coffee in the world to make me wake up.

    • Oh ugh, I hear you. Mtpbaby had a better night (still up twice, but the first time was before I went to bed) so I got a solid six-hour stretch of sleep. But it’s been so inconsistent. Sleep struggles are the worst!

  • Ok now you’re just making me hungry for a donut.

  • skj84

    Rant: Random bursts of anxiety. Not like the long term anxiety I was dealing with early this year, its like the feeling I get when I drink too much coffee, yet it ebbs and flows. It really is bursts, like the feeling will come and go. I’m not stressed over anything, so I don’t know why I’m getting them.
    Rave: My roommate figured out how to stream the Olympics via Apple TV. Watched all the swimming last night, really looking forward to Gymnastics today!
    Rave: Stopped by Craft Beer Cellar last night, that place is legit! They sell nearly everything by the six pack or single bottle too. Will have to stop by again.
    Unofficial Popville Happy Hour next Monday August 15th at Roofers Union!

    • how are you watching the olympics???

      • Yes, please do tell!! The Amazon TV has an app, but from what I could tell last night, it’s not streaming. I was very disappointed.

        • I paid for a one-month subscription to playstation vue, and that log-on allows me to watch all the coverage on the NBC olympics website or app. That’s on the roku, but perhaps a similar option exists for apple tv?

          • skj84

            Using Airplay to stream to the TV. We signed in with my roommates parents Xfinity account. It can be spotty and freeze up without warning though.

    • Allison

      I used to get those “bursts” too — they’re pretty painful when they hit really hard! It’s called “floating anxiety” if you want to research it.

  • FtLincolnLove

    Rave: Driving into work this morning, I saw a man walking a goat (!!!!!!?!?!?) up Bladensburg Road towards South Dakota Ave. Thought I was half asleep, but nope. The goat had a saddle (not large enough to hold his owner, so maybe for a pack?) and was huge! Bummed I didn’t get a picture, but I was too confused as the man and his goat crossed in the crosswalk in front of my car to fully register what I was seeing. HAS ANYONE ELSE SEEN RANDOM GOAT MAN!? I have so many questions. A hilarious way to start my Tuesday, that’s for sure!

  • Rant: cruise ship horns outside my window at 5:30 am
    Rave: I posted it late yesterday, but DOG is doing great at doggie daycare/dog sitting and is walking on the floors.
    Rave: tramping

  • Rave: Fun unexpected night with girlfriends. Hello, white wine under a beautiful night.
    Rave: Learned about the status of the job interview outcome. Just have to be patient.
    Rant: Need to go out less. Not good to feel poor and pickled.
    Rave: Gosh, I have amazing people in my life. Must remember that.

  • Rant: Early this morning I was woken up by the garbage men only to realize I forgot to put the trash out last night, and then proceeded to lay in bed thinking about all my failures in life. Fabulous start to the day.
    Rant: Starting to have some anxiety about the kids starting a new school with an entirely new curriculum. I’m sure they will do fine, but they are all used to a far from traditional setting and are now going into a more traditional education system. The middle one has never had a spelling test, and now that will be a weekly thing, for example.
    Rant: I worry too goddamn much.

    • Hang in there. The anticipation of changes is the worst. I’m right there with you, worrying about mtpkiddo’s transition to PK3, and our family’s transition to an earlier schedule. We are not morning people! But I’m looking forward to hopefully having more time to chill in the evenings.

    • It will be ok! Kids are surprisingly resilient. I went to many schools as a kid and had to deal with major changes in teaching style or catching up to things my last school didn’t cover before transferring, and I turned out fine. Sending lots of positive thoughts, don’t beat yourself up!

    • Blithe

      I have a friend who works as a counselor in a Baltimore County elementary school, and she does things like linking new students with buddies, running friendship/interest groups for kids, working with parents and teachers of transferring students to support them with these transitions…. I know that she — and other staff — can be available for parents prior to the start of the school year for the students, so, if you feel it would be helpful, you might want to contact the schools to discuss your concerns. It could be helpful to the teachers to know that your kids are used to school and classroom settings with different expectations/classroom cultures, etc.
      – And now I have my first Rave of the day: No more spelling tests or math drills ever! 🙂

  • Rave: New guy has me smitten. To a ridiculous feel-like-I-may-burst-into-song-like-in-a-Hollywood-musical degree.
    Rant: My cautious side has me too nervous about jinxing things to really share how excited I am with my real life peeps. Thank goodness I can share semi-anonymously with you good folk!
    Revel: to heck with caution, I’m enjoying the rainbows and unicorns while they last!

  • Andie302

    Rant: A place I worked in Dewey Beach in high school burnt down when a (presumably drunk) driver ran into it last night at 2am after hopping the median. What a mess
    Rave: No one was hurt. There’s a guy that worked there that used to occasionally sleep in the office when he had back to back shifts. Either he wasn’t there or at least wasn’t injured.
    Rant: The owner literally got out of bed, walked the four blocks to his business, and watched it burn to the ground.

    • The pictures from the fire are terrible. It went up so quickly. The woman driving is really, really lucky she got out of the car in time. Such a waste.

      • Andie302

        Agree – she could’ve easily been killed. The place is essentially a wood hut with a million layers of paint, so I can’t say I’m surprised. So bummed for their little work family

  • Rave: amazing one week vacation. Family, some old friends, awesome food. Although dealt with some minor anxieties in the middle of it, the end was just pure fun.
    Rave: was very afraid of post vacation blues, but feeling very rested and happy and calm.
    Rant: frank ocean trying to outdo D’angelo.

  • Rave? I *think* I have pink eye. Never thought that would be a rave, but the Rx drops from my doc seem to be working and I’m crossing my fingers I don’t have to go see an ophthalmologist specialist!
    Rant: Trying to deal with a nasty headache and eye ache all while working, and trying not to mess up my anticoagulation therapy too bad (though I suspect that is a bell I can’t unring right now). I just want to sleep for like a week straight and see if that fixes everything.
    Rant? Rave: Neuro appointment Thursday. Glad I could get in somewhere, and will be glad to have a local neurologist, but still so anxious that there’s nothing he can do for me and he’ll just shrug his shoulders like the other 2 neuro docs.
    Rant: Struggling with anxiety again, which sucks because I was so pumped for this month and feeling adventurous!
    Rave: Trying to remind myself I have awesome friends/family and that things could always be so much worse!

    • Good luck to you!

    • Blithe

      I hope that the issues that you’re dealing with get better! Would it actually be possible for you to take off a week and sleep, or at least chill? That sounds heavenly, and it would be awesome if it did, indeed, fix everything.

      • I would love to, but I have to save up my vacation/ sick time because I’m going to be having a small surgery sometime, most likely, in the beginning of next year. Dunno….I may see if I can take a few days off just to sleep, later in the month….But then I’m going to think of all these other things I’d rather be doing with my free time!

    • At the risk of being alarmist, pink eye is a symptom of Zika. Perhaps it’s worth checking because there are a lot of returning Caribbean travelers walking about (not just in FL) getting bit by hometown mosquitos

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave: Lilly King!Lilly King!Lilly King!
    Rave: Leslie Jones going to Rio now!
    Rant: People who shuck their corn in grocery stores. What is wrong with you people??? Please stop, now!

    • Agreed about the corn. Can someone tell me why they do this? I want my kernels to stay in their nice germ-repelling husk, thank you very much.

      • Because it’s messy, and don’t you cook the corn which would kill the germs anyway (and what do you do about things like tomatoes that don’t have a protective husk)?

        • Ah. I see. I don’t find it that messy but I could understand why people would prefer not doing it in their own kitchen. (And actually, I have a recipe for a really good raw corn salad so I don’t always cook it!)

      • topscallop

        They have a handy trashcan right there for your husks, and then they can go into a plastic bag and straight home to cook for dinner! I like it bc it means less corn silk all over my kitchen. Shucking corn is my most hated dinner-prep activity though, so I like to get it over with. The sound of it is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

    • Shucking corn in a grocery store, huh? That’s weird. Any idea why one would do that? To make sure the ear inside is in good shape? Stores should put up a “You shuck it, you buy it” sign.

    • What is it about the in-store shucking that bothers you guys? I usually do my shucking at the store just to get it over with and to check for kernel rot– didn’t know it was such a problem!

      • What bothers me is that people just stand there shucking corn and don’t allow others to pick their produce; seriously, I’m starting to think that people have Meet Ups to shuck corn at my local Giant and Wegmans. They just stand there chit chatting and slowly shucking corn. It’s also incredibly messy in the store, which puts me off. Squeezing the corn does the same thing as visually checking, but perhaps this is just a special skill my daughter-of-corn-famers mother imparted to me?

        • squeezing the corn? I’ve never heard of that trick–do tell.

          • I’m guessing rotten kernels are soft…??

            Anonmom, when you say don’t allow, do you mean you’ve said excuse me and people are body blocking what you’re after or are you just patiently waiting hoping they go faster? If it’s the former, then I can see why this bugs you.

          • You’re supposed to squeeze with your finger tips, mostly at the top. Rotten kernels are soft and will give, and if there are no kernels, you will feel that too. The best corn is firm all the way around and has kernels from top to bottom. Also, you don’t want ears that are too long as they are less sweet (because the plant expends too much energy growing up instead of out). I have also learned far too much about de-tassling corn in my life, and have a healthy hatred of GMO corn, not for the science, but for what it does to local farmers.
            AnonSpock, yes, of course I have tried saying excuse me. Sometimes it works, sometimes I get glared at. In the future, I shall take Littlest Anonachild with me; he can slide between the suburbanites, grab the corn, and call them rude in one fell swoop. At least it will be entertaining.

        • I Dont Get It

          Thanks Anonamom. Yes no need to shuck corn to see if it is ripe. I run a fingernail down a ridge of kernels to check for ripeness.

      • Yea, I’m confused. I’m sure the husk on people could just say “excuse me let me grab some ears with the husks” and be on their way. As long as people aren’t throwing husks all around, who cares?

      • That One Guy

        I was under the impression that the husk if the corn was collected and then used for composting or otherwise recycled at the store.
        If folks can’t deal with the shucking of corn they can go buy the prepackaged freshly shucked corn that sells at like 3x the price as the diy version. (I secretly harbor suspicions that the type of person who shirks shucking of corn is also the type of person who buys cucumber infused water.).

    • Ugh. This is a real thing in the burbs. Sunday, I had to do laps around the produce section waiting for a spot to open up so I could grab my – husk to remain on – corn. We tend to steam our corn husk-on with crabs, or throw it husk-on to the grill. Even if you don’t prepare it this way, wouldn’t you rather keep it in it’s covering until you are ready to prepare it? I mean, you wouldn’t peel an orange before you buy it.

      • Yes! Corn is the only thing that people feel entitled to prepare right there in the store. Why is corn special? I’d love to just break off the broccoli florets and leave the woody stems there. Can I do that? Can I bring a knife to speed it up? Can I squeeze a lemon into my own container, since all I want is the juice??

        • I Dont Get It

          Boneless/skinless chicken breasts are much cheaper if you just pick up a pack of bone-in breasts and debone and skin them in the grocery store aisle with your Swiss Army knife.

        • Honestly, if stores had prep stations for other produce I’d probably do that there too (especially if they compost the scraps for me). I don’t know why corn is special, but since the husking station is there I’m going to use it. I don’t think it affects the freshness unless you have it sitting around for weeks.

        • Some stores allow destemming kale and the like. Similar setup with the trash bin in front. Corn isn’t special.

      • I can see if being more of a problem in the burbs, since people there generally take up more space and are buying larger quantities.

        • This has definitely been my experience. Which is odd, considering I seem to buy in smaller quantities, yet have managed to meet the Catholic minimum in the non-Catholic way. Hmmm.

    • if you cook the corn in its husk, it’s easier to shuck and remove the silk!

    • Right there with you, IDGI. People who shuck in the store disgust me with their lack of corn knowledge (husk keeps it fresh!) and their disregard for public space.
      Anonamom, I also fondle each ear, feeling for squishy spots or gaps.

    • I Dont Get It

      Sweet corn begins the conversion of sugar to starch when it is picked which is why you always want the freshest corn possible. Anecdotally, the sugar conversion accelerates when you shuck the corn*.

      *This is per my older sister, who is the produce manager of a large grocery store in the sweet corn capital America, Indiana. There are also no bins in the aisle in case someone goes rogue.

      • My people say, “If you pick a dozen ears of corn from the garden, and you get inside and only have 11, don’t bother going back for the one you dropped. It’s already too old.”
        Of course, modern corn goes starchy MUCH more slowly than the traditional sweetcorn we grew up with. Hooray for plant geneticists!

    • Rave: Lilly King is from my hometown. I can’t stop telling that to, literally, every person. I guess that’s what happens when you’re from a small-ish town.

  • I was sitting at my desk,
    eating a perfectly fine donut,
    and then I saw THESE donuts,
    and now I want them TOO.

    ALL of them.

  • Any lawyers or people in the know if this is legal?!??!


    My neighbors and I had a bbq and came across This article. It’s actually real

    • I really don’t see the problem here. They’re not barring anyone from applying. They’re simply encouraging minorities to apply. (Do you have a problem with the many job listings that encourage woman and disabled individuals to apply, too? Those have been a thing for years.)

      • Agreed with FridayGirl, I don’t see the problem with the job posting at all. The problem I see is the writer of the article is using hyperbole where it’s unnecessary, but that’s what they do sometimes. Also, glance around at the website, they’re not exactly an unbiased, top-notch publication from the looks of it.

      • Allison

        Pffft, yeah the URL and title of that article are completely misleading. This is what the job announcement apparently said: ““While Congressman Ellison encourages all individuals to apply, applicants with strong ties to the Fifth District or Minnesota are preferred . . . People of color, LGBTQ individuals, women, and people with disabilities are strongly encouraged to apply.”
        This is not at all unusual, and to answer your question, yes it is legal.

    • Is it legal to request specifically request that cohorts historically underrepresented in the political power structure and who still face substantial social and economic obstacles apply for an internship? Of course.
      Does every major company and (especially) large progressive institution in America implicitly have this hiring policy? Yes.
      Are straight white abled males at all underrepresented in upper tiers of politics and the economy? Nope.

    • Whoever wrote that article appears to have a poor understanding of how to read the English language. I stopped reading halfway because it’s clear they were misunderstanding (intentionally or not) the words they quoted. Garbage like this really cheeses me off.

    • Similar statements are on countless job postings. Yes, it is legal to say that you’d like marginalized groups to feel welcome in your office while encouraging all groups to apply.

    • skj84

      So a congressman wants to to encourage women and people of color to apply for internships in fields that they are sorely underrepresented and we are supposed to feel outraged? Is that really what your issue is? That you think the white men, who are the majority are not getting a fair shake? Mkay. Thats just precious.

    • A straight white man just can’t catch a break, huh?

    • Now I’m wondering where Jay lives that not only he, but all his neighbors, think that is a problem.

  • Rave: Olympic Equestrian Events – Four awesome US athletes are sitting in 5th and 6th today – in striking distance of an Olympic medal in eventing.
    Rant: Callous, sexist, or ridiculous NBC commentators. The athletes are exciting enough, we don’t need your commentary to distract us.
    Rant: Work ridiculousness – yes you’ve done a great job, yes, we have money, no, you can’t have any.
    Rave/Rant: Got our apartment rented and next Monday, it’ll officially be the tenants. Sad as we made our life in DC in that home, excited to ground myself a bit more in NYC while still getting to enjoy DC two days a week.

  • Bear

    Rant: Hormonal, sleep deprived, and very frustrated that my husband seems completely oblivious to the fact that it’s been a hugely stressful few weeks and decides to get drinks with his buddies rather than helping me get the house ready for our appraisal today. Oh, and that my major client dropped a surprise RFP with no warning and a very short turn around. Right before my vacation is supposed to start.
    Rave: Appraisal is this afternoon, so it’s out of our hands now. Hoping it goes well so this baby will have an actual bedroom to sleep in!
    Double rave: Vacation starts in two days. It cannot come soon enough.

    • Allison

      Don’t worry too much about the appraisal! They’re all about the stats (square footage, number of beds/baths, etc.) As long as everything is functional and in decent shape, the little details don’t seem to matter much.

      • Bear

        I know little stuff isn’t supposed to count, but my neighborhood is a bit weird with comps – there aren’t many properties that are actually comparable. Last time we refinanced, the adjusted value for comps had a range of around $70k. The appraiser put us all the way at the bottom of the range – I think because of cosmetic things like peeling painting needing to be redone. I know there’s a specific formula for how they adjust the value of the comps to establish the range, but where you fall in that range can be swayed by things like curb appeal and cosmetic issues. We just want to do what we can to make sure it goes well. And I could have used some help doing the dishes and folding the 8 loads of laundry that had been piling up in our room.

        • Allison

          Ah, that makes sense! When our landlord’s condo was getting refinanced I went all out too, even down to putting fresh cut flowers on the table. Methinks husband owes you a chore-free day!

    • Andie302

      Ask your lender if you’ll be permitted to see the appraisal before it’s finalized. You’ll get as much bang for your buck making sure they used good comps as you will on the work you’ve done in recent weeks. Fingers crossed for you!

      • Bear

        We’re going to pull a few comps and leave them for the appraiser – but that’s a good idea to ask if we can see it before it’s finalized. Thanks!

        • HaileUnlikely

          FYI I just had an appraisal done. I do not know whether the following is an industry standard or whether it is just the practice of this specific appraiser, but he initially required all comps to be from the past 6 months, and when it became obvious that hardly any were even remotely relevant, he expanded it to 12 months, but indicated that he absolutely could not consider sales from longer than 12 months ago. My neighborhood is a mix of fully-detached homes, rowhomes, and duplexes. I live in a duplex, so only other duplexes and end-unit rowhouses could be counted for comps, and not many in my immediate area had sold recently. He ended up using 2 from my immediate neighborhood that were more than 6 but less than 12 months ago, and a few more recent but from further away. Anyway, if you want to encourage the appraiser to use specific ones, make sure you have ones from the past year (ideally past 6 months) that are the same style (i.e., rowhouse attached on both sides vs. duplex or end-unit vs. fully detached), as otherwise they probably won’t be usable.

          • Bear

            We have comps within the last 3-6 months, but the ones that are in similar condition to our house (updated but not fully renovated) are a bit further. The ones closer to us that have sold at lower prices have all needed a lot of work – but that didn’t necessarily come through in the listing photos. So that’s why I’m a bit nervous.

  • Question: My Fed boss just sent out an email about a Fed position opening in my group/dept (I’m a contractor), encouraging people to apply. All but 3 of the people on the distro list are already Feds, and 2 of the contractors aren’t eligible due to citizenship requirements. It seems that I’m the only person for whom this may be applicable.
    I’m not quite sure how to feel – if my boss was interested in hiring me directly, she would’ve likely talked to me privately first? Or is that some sort of awkward no-no given my current contractor status? Or could I be misreading that this may be directed at me?

    • …. Can’t you just tell your supervisor that you might be interested in applying and ask them about it?

      • I don’t know – hence I’m asking those who’ve been in a similar position for advice. This is my first and only experience working as a Fed contractor on-site. I don’t want to breach some unspoken mores.

        • I’m sure every office is different, but as a fed who has worked in multiple offices with contractors from many different contracting companies, I can guarantee you that your supervisor is your supervisor and you should be able to have just as good of a relationship with him/her as any fed does. If that’s not the case then they have a problem. I would really encourage you to sit down and talk with them about this opportunity. It’s the best way for them to gauge interest.

    • Does any of that matter? Your boss sent it to you, so you are obviously an intended recipient. If you want information about the position, you should ask. If interested in the position, you should apply. What’s the benefit of trying to read so much into the situation (I’m genuinely asking)? It seems like it only serves to complicate what should be a relatively straight-forward series of steps.

      • it matters because relationships between contractors and feds can be tricky and it seems the OP is attempting to avoid a faux pas by misunderstanding the dynamics at play here

      • There were times my clients did something unethical (and borderline illegal). I always did my due diligence in handling it b/c nothing was going to happen to the client, but I could def get in trouble, or even fired. The client could be in the clear sending the email, but they could also be in the wrong. As eggs said, I would also check with my employer. That said, feds poach contractors all the time.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      If you were included in the e-mail they want you to apply if you are interested. The Feds that were included are probably a grade lower than the position that is open. If you are doing a good job they would like you to convert to Fed so your position is secure(er)

      contractor turned Fed at census

      • Thanks – this is very helpful! The other Feds that are part of this internal distro list are all already at or above the offered grade, so I can’t imagine they would reapply for the position they already hold (or take a demotion).

    • I would check with your company/employer. When I started at my current contract, I signed something stating that I would not take a position with any new employer that had a contract with my company for one year after leaving employment. These things aren’t super enforceable but I’d check first. It also can’t hurt to go sit down and talk with the Fed who sent it out and see what their feelings are on it!

      • I think that language intends to prevent contractors from “starting a competing business” and taking over the existing contract (so as to cut out the previous contracting firm). I don’t think it’s related to being hired directly by the government.

    • I was in a similar situation a year ago with my Fed boss, except my boss talked to myself and others after sending the email. I was sent a link to the job posting on USAjobs, as the job was view-able only by referral. I thought it was strange I was unable to search for the job by the posting # or keywords.

  • Rant: Those doughnuts are not in my face!
    Rave: Paul McCartney tonight.
    Rant: Pooped tomorrow.
    Rave: Friday off—getting those doughnuts.

  • Rant: Had a pretty bad fall while running on Sunday. Lovely bruised and scraped knee caps + scraped palms has led to a painful couple of days. Worried about being able to run my half marathon on Saturday.
    Rant: Important job stuff the next few weeks… in pant suits now since I look like a 5 year old who took a bad fall on the playground.
    Rave: Glad I didn’t break or tear anything.
    Rave: Tiny Dog is adjusting to his new home quite well! He seems to really like walks in his new neighborhood, which is full of bunnies and cats for him to observe.

  • Rant: I am finding it incredibly hard to find a federal Job. I would like to get out of the consultant world cycle of possible unemployment every couple of years.

  • New Baby Kitty darted out the door last night (he does it less these days, but still has to prove that he can occasionally) and ran straight into the tomcat who owns the alley. A snarly scuffle ensued before I could get my glasses and shoes on. By the time I got to him, he was petrified, in the sense that he was frozen with fear. Totally inert when I picked him up. It was weird.
    This lasted about 90 seconds after I got him inside, and then I filled the food dish and he was right there, chowing down. I love the emotional resilience of cats. Although I do wish that he would learn his lesson and stop running out the damn door.

  • Rant: just got an email about babysitting logistics for my cousin’s wedding in two months. Ugh. I have a feeling mtpwife and I are going to be taking turns hanging out with the kids until they are asleep. Was a little shocked to be informed that the rate is $20/hour PLUS TIP. We pay our sitters $20/hour now that we have two kids, but tip on top of that?
    Related rant: My aunt suggested we might want the kids in the family photos before they are shuttled off to the babysitter (it’s a no-kids wedding). So we need to find photo-appropriate clothes to dress the kids in for a wedding they aren’t invited to? Harumph. We’ll see.
    Query: any tips or tricks for setting the kids (who will be 3 & nearly 1 at the wedding) up for success? Mtpkiddo has a hard time with new people, and I have no idea how mtpbaby will be at that point, though he has entered the separation anxiety phase of infancy.

    • Is the no-kids wedding thing a growing trend? I find it obnoxious, and it kept us from attending a destination wedding of a friend. And I can’t believe the expectation that they would need to be dressed for photos! Ugh, you have my sympathies.

      We hire a babysitter from daycare who our 2-year-old loves, so I can’t offer advice, other than to try to find someone with whom they are already familiar.

      • We use babysitters from daycare as well for the same reason, but the wedding is in NJ, so that’s not a viable option. Sounds like the country club manager is hiring the babysitter as well–rather than someone my aunt knows. I may ask if it’s possible to check whether the woman who babysat during my cousin’s shower is available–at least my kids have met her before.
        I agree on the no-kids wedding being obnoxious, but it’s obviously not my decision. On the plus side, the kids’ clothing doesn’t have to be wedding-dressy–but probably nicer than the t-shirts and leggings/jeans that my daughter lives in. My cousin is only 24, so that may have something to do with the decision….

    • I’m pretty familiar with the trend of child-free weddings (I just had one almost two years ago). It’s also quite popular to allow the kids to attend the ceremony but then send them to the babysitter for the reception, if the reception won’t really be child-friendly. But I am quite shocked at the idea of including them in photos but not even in the ceremony, that’s odd to me. The babysitter rate is likely due to how many kids they’ll have to take care of, and possibly hiring more than one babysitter (or hiring a licensed/insured company). I’d be tempted to either not go at all, or find my own sitter and leave them at home where they’re most comfortable.

      • Believe it or not, there will be two babysitters–one for my (two) kids, and another for the groom’s niece. Each babysitter is to be paid the same rate. I’m not startled by the rate so much as there being a tip on top of it–but perhaps that’s because they are going through an agency of some kind, so the babysitters aren’t being paid the full rate? I have no idea.
        My aunt said she figured we’d want them included in the photos but said that it’s up to us. She seemed very surprised when I suggested it might be a hassle.

      • What’s the etiquette/best practices around throwing a child-free wedding? We are planning on getting married next year, though I have no idea how to navigate that mine field.

        • We had a child-free wedding with the exception of our infant nephew. We just addressed invites to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If it was to include their whole family we would have put “and family.” That said, we didn’t have a ton of friends with kids. We also had a smallish wedding.

          • Our issue is that we are late/mid-30s and LOTS of our friends have kids. If we allowed everyone to bring their kids, we would easily have a 1:1 kid-adult ratio at the party. Frankly, I’d just prefer if it was only our nieces and nephew, which would only be combined 4 kids. Is it rude to have the nieces and nephew (with whom we are very close) but no other kids? A lot of our friends have 3 or even 4 kids. Ooof.

          • HaileUnlikely

            Agreed with Anonymous here. And it’s not that the kid:adult ratio is problematic in itself, it’s that if one has a fixed budget and a venue that has some maximum capacity, every kid present is one adult present, and if you have, say, 40 little kids (old enough to get their own seats and not sit on laps) present, that’s 40 fewer adults you can invite. This is not to say that it is better to have 40 more adults than to have 40 kids, but having gone through the exercise myself as half of a couple who is by no means wealthy and paid for our whole wedding ourselves, deciding who to invite and who to cut given that the most people you can accommodate is XX people is f*cking difficult, emotionally draining, and distinctly not fun. At the end of the day we decided to allow nieces and nephews regardless of age, but no other small children. As it was, we had lots of friends who we wished we could have invited but we didn’t. If we had allowed 3 dozen kids, sh!t, the wedding party (2 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids) would have been the only non-family friends in the place.

          • HaileUnlikely

            typo above, I meant “…venue that has some maximum capacity, every kid present is one adult NOT present…”

        • You just put it on the invitation.

        • I don’t know that there is one–just know that family/friends with kids may decide not to join you, particularly if travel is involved. It may be nice to help arrange for babysitting for traveling guests with kids if they are particularly close family/friends.

        • A Practical Wedding has some good articles on child free weddings. Check out their blog, it’s actually a really great resource and helped me plan my wedding without too much stress.

          • HaileUnlikely

            I completely agree with this recommendation – the book and blog are both excellent resources.

        • All of the suggestions above me here are great. You should definitely include only the names of those who are invited on the envelope, and on the RSVP card you can leave a line blank for “___ of 2 will attend” which makes it very obvious that only Mr. and Mrs. Smith are invited, not Baby Smith. Reaching out personally to affected families as the invites arrive is a really nice touch, and you can offer to help with arranging for babysitting services if you’d like. A good way to phrase it generally is to simply say that the reception won’t be child friendly (“our caterer doesn’t offer kids’ meals”; “the DJ may be inappropriate for children”; “there will be lots of drinking and we don’t want any kids to get hurt”; etc).

    • You can always ignore your aunt’s suggestion. There’s no reason that non-guests should be included in the wedding photos.

    • Ugh, I feel you. I have declined invitations to no-kids weddings, because what is a wedding if not a family event??
      That said, I really appreciated my cousin who provided a sitter “just in case”. My kids loved the ceremony and they loved the passed hors d’oeuvres, but by the time the sit-down dinner and the toasts started, they were done. Enter the sitter and the pizza and the movie. Then they were invited back out to dance a little bit before bed, resulting in some of the cutest groom-dances-with-little-girls-in-poofy-dresses pictures you’ve ever seen. It was a perfect balance.

      • That sounds perfect. And adorable. But I cannot imagine the uproar that would ensue from skipping the wedding (that side of the family is very “close”). And I want to see extended family. One way or another, things will work out–it’s just a bit tough with one kid who (thus far) doesn’t travel well, and another who is VERY attached to us and can be uneasy with unfamiliar people. I think we’ll just need to talk up the experience and all the things she will get to do in advance to try to get her excited for it.

        • It seems a little disingenuous to be a ‘close’ family that excludes children from family events, but that’s none of my business *sips tea.*
          Now, I’ll adjust my mommy claws a little. I think that it can be very difficult to leave children of that age with a new sitter, and I do think that this can represent an unfair burden on your family. to ease this, you may just need to take turns, but keep in mind this may also make things worse (kid see you, wants you to stay, wants to go with you, whatever – and end up a sobbing, tired mess). I would suggest a new toy, something she can engage in with the sitter (Magnatiles and Lego’s are always a hit in my house) and will distract her and get her excited.

          • I like your style 🙂
            Good idea on the new toy–I’ll keep that in mind for the little one, too, depending on how he’s doing with new people at that point in time.

    • I have a friend who was her sister’s maid of honor six WEEKS after giving birth. Her sister insisted on no children at the wedding, including the newborn. This meant that she and her husband took turns leaving the reception to spend time with the baby in the hotel room. I see why people have adult only weddings, but that seemed a bit unreasonable to me.

      • Wow. And your sister was still game for being the maid of honor? That’s a VERY understanding sister, particularly six weeks out. I can’t imagine attending a wedding 6 weeks after my first kid was born, let alone being the maid of honor & stashing my kid elsewhere for the event.

      • Wow. I’m having a no-kids wedding but will 100% make exceptions for any newborns who happen to come along in the next year and a half! That is pretty awful. Our decision to have a child-free wedding was in part due to the fact that my few friends who do have kids (and have grandparents nearby who love to babysit) expressed interest in being able to attend a wedding with just their partners since they have been on flower girl/ring bearer duty quite a bit lately.

      • Ughhhh. I totally understand why some people want child free weddings, but that is horrible.

      • Yeah this is NOT the norm for child-free weddings, trust me. Exceptions should be made for newborns. Infants aren’t going to get underfoot or bother anyone, anyway, which is generally the reason for keeping it adults-only.

    • At our wedding we decided to invite the children of friends who were not local to CT where we were married and who wouldn’t be able to come unless we also invited their children. We also included the children of our very immediate family, of which there are quite a few (I have 6 nieces/nephews under age of 5). It was kind of amazing how even limiting it to this amount of children still resulted in quite a few kids. But it was cute and they were pretty enthusiastic on the dance floor 🙂 I wouldn’t have wanted it another way but can see how it can change the flow of an event, especially if you are having a more formal evening wedding.

      We did consider hiring some sitters to provide childcare during the wedding so we could be more generous with the invites. Even though we didn’t end up doing that, I always assumed that we would pick up the tab on the baby sitting given that it would be us inviting you to come to the wedding and giving you the ability to bring your kids with the understanding that babysitting services would be provided as the reception will be child free. I think it’s kind of crazy to ask your family & friends to pay a set amount per kid for pre-arranged childcare. Maybe that’s me but it just feels a bit stingy, especially for non local families that want to celebrate the marriage and pay all the expense to travel, give a nice gift, etc!

      • I agree. If I were ever going to have an adult event (wedding, funeral, debut of my one woman show), I would absolutely provide sitters, at my expense, to be used at the parents’ discretion. It costs less than the bouquet, and affects way more people.

  • gotryit

    Rave: great bike ride into work this morning.
    Rant: lost my ID somehow
    Rant x10: going on 3 hours waiting to get it replaced. Go federal government!

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rant: Eldest Zelda was rear-ended yesterday.
    Rave: She’s fine.
    Rant: Mr. Zelda texted me a photo in which he’s eating the caviar his Russian colleague gave him SHARING IS CARING, Mr. Zelda.

  • Rave: Its been well below scorching lately! Yay!
    Rave: my housemate got a PUPPY! Yay! All the joys of a puppy without all the labor/responsibility. I am going to bring the little cutie to work with me on Thursday because “mom” needs to go into her office (which is way less pup-friendly than mine). Let me repeat… PUPPY!!
    Rant: she bought the puppy instead of adopting. Ugh. Tried to persuade her to adopt, but ultimately not my decision.
    Rave: Meal prepped for the entire week on Sunday – aka little ‘to-go’ tupperwares with 5 days of breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. We’ll see how I feel about the repetition by Friday, but for now I am enjoying it! In general I eat the same stuff during the work week anyways. It didn’t even take that long (1.5hrs? 2hrs?) and I think it will really help with my fitness goals.
    Rant: Finding a new person for our vacant room. We just did this a month ago! And the person we chose is now leaving, after 1 MONTH (not because of the house/us, just personal stuff). Sick of it!
    Rave: PUPPY!

    Unrelated: Anyone have a good fiction book recommendation? Looking for something to really get absorbed in. The last book that happened for me was White Teeth by Zadie Smith, for reference….

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: not doing a very good job of sticking to my diet. photos of donuts aren’t helping.
    Rave: mostly lost my sweet tooth, so I know if I got a donut I wouldn’t enjoy it.

  • RANT: The federal hiring process. I have so many that are just sitting – stuff from as far back as February/March. Also being referred to jobs and having them just sit for weeks/months. I know I have to be patient but it is driving me insane!

    RAVE: About to start my last semester of grad school! Can’t wait to be done.

  • Rant: Why does every apartment I live in get flooded? I haven’t even moved into this new one yet, and it already got flooded.

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