“They had Chicken Ranch pizza on the shelf — but with NO BACON”

4th and H Street, NW

Ed. Note: I am a native New Yorker and a huge pizza lover. I have never heard of Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza. Admittedly I haven’t lived in New York in over 18 years. Though I too consider Wiseguy New York Pizza the best pizza in DC. In fact, Wiseguy NY Pizza could smack me in the face and make me eat mayonaise and I’d still return for their pizza.

“Dear PoPville,

I moved here last year with fairly low expectations for DC pizza. No big deal — I can eat it when I’m home. However, I found a place that totally surprised and impressed me: Wiseguy New York Pizza in Chinatown.

Hands down, Wiseguy is the best DC pizza I’ve had in my two years here, and is nearly as good as real New York pizza. I stumbled into it accidentally and was shocked at how good their pizza was, but not just any pizza — Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza, which every New Yorker knows is the BEST kind. There was a point last year when I regularly walked out of my way just to get it. It’s great.

Recently, after quite some time of not having Wiseguy, I went back and brought a group of friends, telling them how great the Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza is. I got there, they didn’t have it on the shelf, I asked for it, they said they didn’t have it, I got something else (begrudgingly) and I moved on.

Last night, I called ahead of time. I said I was coming in in about an hour and would like to get a couple of slices of chicken bacon ranch. I hung up the phone and grabbed my friend and took him to Wiseguy.

They had Chicken Ranch pizza on the shelf — but with NO BACON. I asked for two slices of that but with bacon on it and he said no because they “don’t alter their pizzas.” So I told him I had called ahead to request it, and he says, “Oh, are you (my first name)?” And he takes out a whole Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza from the oven and says, “you ordered this.” And I told him that I didn’t want an entire pizza, I just wanted two slices. I asked him if I could just have two slices of that, and he said no, I can only buy the whole thing. So, I asked what he was going to do with it if I didn’t buy it, and he said he was going to let it go to waste.

So I asked him again for two slices of Chicken Bacon Ranch, and he again said I could only buy two slices of Chicken Ranch (no bacon). And I told him that’s not how it works in New York, which he obviously replied “this isn’t New York,” and then I pointed out that they call themselves Wiseguy NEW YORK Pizza, which he didn’t have much to say to. I think I won that round. I left without buying the Chicken Ranch.

I even contacted the manager and he stood by the policy that they don’t alter the pizza and said they no longer put bacon on their chicken/ranch pizza — which is insulting to CBR lovers everywhere. Anyway, I’m upset. And now I need a new pizza place because they clearly aren’t as great as I thought they were. Such terrible service. I even offered to pay extra for the bacon but to no avail!

Anyone in PoPville wanna make a recommendation?”

293 Comment

  • OP comes off as an over-entitled d-bad. Not the hardest feat to accomplish, but congrats nonetheless.

    • Anonomnom

      Honestly was my first thought as well. I would imagine PoP guessed that would be at least someone’s reaction, given the first tag.
      Now, what if he was looking for a new pizza shop that allowed dogs? Perfect storm would be brewing.

    • And you come across as what, exactly? Anyhow I love Wiseguys, they have fallen off a bit recently (in terms of quality) imo but still my go-to.

    • Actually, he comes across as a typical mouth’y New Yorker. Which may partially overlap with being a D-Bag.

  • Uh, yeah…I have a lot of recommendations for you. None of them have to do with pizza however.

  • This is satire, right?

  • “I think I won that round. I left without buying the Chicken Ranch.”
    You’ve got a funny definition of winning, since you didn’t get the pizza for which you made a special trip.
    “they no longer put bacon on their chicken/ranch pizza — which is insulting to CBR lovers everywhere. Anyway, I’m upset.”
    I hope you can find the strength to carry on.
    “Anyone in PoPville wanna make a recommendation?”
    Desperately, but politeness, and the Prince’s rules for civil discourse, forbid me from doing so.

  • I can’t believe I read that whole thing…

  • Move back to New York, we don’t need more dunces that get this worked up over pizza.

  • Also, if there were two of you (you and a friend) why not just get the whole pizza and have leftovers if you like it that much? Yeah, maybe they weren’t clear and you shouldn’t go back. But … is it really that big of a deal?

    • I’m also wondering the same thing. If its THAT good, and you know they aren’t serving it anymore…

    • +1 to FridayGirl.

    • +100. Big deal, there was confusion about the OP’s order. By paying a little more, they could have had what they said they wanted so badly. Instead, they chose to pick a (dumb, IMO) fight and leave without the pizza they’re so obsessed with. They really have a unique definition of winning.

    • HaileUnlikely

      Who the f* just eats one slice of pizza? They made you what you asked for. Just buy the f*cking pizza and eat it.

  • My recommendation is to never again go anywhere that won’t “alter” their product to suit a customer who is willing to pay for it. Sorry if it comes of as entitled (referencing the first comment), but if I’m paying good money for something I want what I’m paying for. I didn’t know Wiseguy had such a policy (just so happens I’ve never wanted to change anything there) but knowing it now, I won’t be back. It’s in a horrible location, and adding in this policy makes it enough that it’s not worth the side-trip anymore.

    • I have to say, I think it depends what they’re asking. Like if I wanted something like fresh basil that could just be thrown on top of my already ready slice and was willing to pay and it doesn’t involve any cooking, I get that. But, they’d have to sprinkle the bacon on top of the chicken ranch thing (I too haven’t heard that this is a thing, but make no claims to NY) and then pop it back in the oven for a few minutes, all for 2 slices. They definitely shouldn’t have told him they had it, but clearly there was a misunderstanding there.

      • Eh, I expect pizza slices to be hot anyway, so tossing on some bacon on top before running it through the oven sounds a thousand percent reasonable to me, especially if the OP was willing to pay the extra buck or whatever it would be that they charge for it.
        Now, the flip side would be unreasonable: if it already had bacon and the OP had wanted them to pick it off with tweezers or bake an entirely new bacon-free one, it’s fair for the restaurant to say no for one slice. Subtracting can be a challenge once food is made. But adding? Please. Saying no makes me not want to eat there again.

        • Maybe I just don’t know enough about pizza, but based on their policies it sounded to me like they didn’t have it waiting to just be sprinkled on. Is the bacon already cooked? If its just a matter of sprinkling it on, then I see your point.

    • Or phrased differently: Don’t bother going someplace that doesn’t have what you want. Like don’t go to Burger King if you only want a Big Mac.

    • But they did alter it! They made it with Bacon for her! But she was picky about not wanting the whole pizza. I can understand if the OP was only one person, but come on!

      • Right, but their “we don’t alter” policy was about slices. You can order a create your own pizza from them, but clearly there was a misunderstanding between the OP and the store on the phone when they called ahead. To be clear, I’m not siding with the OP and if I were them I would chalk this up to a misunderstanding and buy the whole pie. Also, it’s interesting that you read that as being a she, I read it as the OP being a man and now I have no idea what that is

  • Aglets

    I don’t get this “victory”. You sound like an asshole. Just buy the whole pie.

    • Pyrrhic victory, methinks.

    • Also, if it were me, and the CBR was that hard to find, I’d want the whole pizza, just so I can enjoy the leftovers at some future date (or most likely an hour after eating the first two slices).

      Of course, this assumes that the price differential between a few slices and a whole pizza didn’t break the bank.

      • Aglets

        but really- how expensive can a whole pizza be? Like let’s say $35 which- I’ll be honest, I almost never buy a whole pie- but that seems like an upper end of fancy 3 topping pizza? That’s $17.50 between two people. And wouldn’t 2 slices maybe run you $6-7?

        I hope this is a joke.

        • That’s even expensive for a pizza. I’d say max $25 for a whole pie. Most pizza restaurants serve pizzas for about ~$17.

          • You’ve never been to Pete’s have you? That shit can be up to $40. And frankly, it’s waaaayy overrated. Yeah I said it, What?

  • I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. It’s a joke, right? Anyways, as my username suggests I’m from New York, and I too have never heard of chicken bacon ranch pizza. Which sounds disgusting actually. Perhaps the OP needs better taste in pizza slices.

    • Ditto on all counts, though I’m from NJ. Let’s Go Mets! (Please!)

      • SouthwestDC

        I’m from NJ and have never heard of this either. Why would you do that to a pizza?
        Regardless, it’s refreshing to hear of a place that doesn’t gratuitously put bacon on everything.

    • Emmaleigh504

      CBR sounds like something from Minnesota or Nebraska.

      • Objection. Please do not make such accusations against Minnesota. I’m from there, and have never heard of it.

      • Yep. Ranch is the ketchup of fly-over states.

        • HAHAA, now that is funny!!

          Ranch is for rednecks. I actually get irritated when I order wings and they ask me Blue Cheese or Ranch. That would never happen in back home and where I’m from Ranch is sadly king.

          • Emmaleigh504

            whoa whoa whoa! Ranch isn’t just for rednecks. If you ever have the joy of having fried bell pepper rings at Franky and Johnie’s in New Orleans they will be served with ranch and you will love it!

          • I Dont Get It

            Will you please stop with the fried bell pepper ring teases?

          • I’m not sure the “Ranch isn’t just for rednecks; lots of people in Louisiana use it on their fried vegetables!” really gets you where you wanted . . .

    • +1 Ranch on pizza sounds terrible. Chicken, bacon, ranch pizza sounds like something my mom would serve with snickers salad.

      • i’m from NY and have never heard of chicken, bacon, ranch pizza sold anywhere. I’ve also never heard about snickers salad, but now i’m intrigued…

      • Emmaleigh504

        what is this snickers salad??

        • Snickers salad is basically a sh*t-ton of snicker bars chopped up into a giant bowl of whip cream with a few pieces of chopped green apple sprinkled in. It’s actually delicious. THAT I will admit comes from, or at least is made in, Minnesota.

          • Anonomnom

            Omg. Need.

          • Oh. My. God. That sounds FANTASTIC.

          • Blithe

            Wow. That sounds wicked yum. Is it the green apple that makes it “salad”?

          • Blithe, you haven’t spent much time in the South, have you?

          • Emmaleigh504

            I would totally try that salad!

          • Blithe

            Anon, I had a pretty Southern-ish upbringing, and did family vacations “down South”. I even remember when M & S grocery store on Upsur St. sold pig tails. This is a new one for me though. I thought “salad” meant that Hellman’s mayonnaise was in there somewhere…..The comments so far seem to be suggesting that this snickers salad is mid-western — and that definitely is outside of my cultural/culinary range.

          • Yeah, but aren’t there a lot of Southern salads that are sweet? I swear I’ve encountered things like a bowl of pink Cool Whip that were supposedly a salad.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Yeah, I’m with Blithe, salad has Hellman’s or Blue Plate mayo, even on the jello salads (gag puke).

          • This salad sounds like something that could easily become a pie, with some crumbled-up Nilla wafers as crust. Snickers Salad Pie. (Slips off into sugar fantasy land…)

          • Emmaleigh504

            Planner, you are deliciously evil. I have to make this pie now.

          • justinbc

            That sounds terrible. But I also hate candy.

          • Blithe

            Anon, yes, there are a lot of Southern “salads” that are sweet. There was probably a smidgen or two of Hellmans in that bowl of pink Cool Whip. Maybe it was hidden under the garnish of heart shaped Red Hots?

          • Oh, God, please no mixing of mayonnaise and Cool Whip (let alone real whipped cream). Blasphemy!!

          • Blithe

            textdoc, it’s not blasphemy — it’s the difference between “dessert” and “salad”! 😉 Hint: The “salad” is the one with the dollop of mayonnaise under the candy — or crushed potato chip — topping. Not that this is any less yucky, but it’s often a dollop on top or on the side for a sweet “salad”, and mixed in if it’s a savory salad. I admit, though, that this is probably not a firm rule.

          • Blithe, I despise mayonnaise with an intense passion.
            So — although I’m not opposed to the mixing of sweet and savory in general — I can’t imagine anything more disgusting than combining something sweet that appeals to me (Cool Whip, whipped cream, clotted cream, etc.) with mayonnaise. Ugh!

          • Blithe

            Textdoc, just avoid the “salads”, and you’ll be okay. And don’t eat the crab cakes or the salmon cakes. And ask for cocktail sauce BEFORE anyone plates your fried seafood platter. Gross alert: I have a friend who grew up eating banana and mayonnaise sandwiches. For a treat! Blech. But she felt the same way about my peanut butter and bacon on toast sandwiches, so I guess it all evened out!

          • If you’re really from the South, the mayonnaise isn’t Hellman’s, it’s Dukes!

          • I Dont Get It

            Omg my grandmother made a side dish for sunday dinner that was baked (canned) apples topped with butter and cinnamon red hots.

        • +1 I’ll take that recipe…

          • Wikipedia actually has it that snickers salad is from Iowa, and sometimes contains vanilla pudding. I haven’t had it like that, though I should clarify that I’ve only ever had it with whipped topping (ie cool whip) not real whipped cream.

          • Now I know what all the PoPvillagers will be doing with their Halloween candy this year…

          • Aglets

            OH. I think it sounds even better with pudding. yes please. POPville (no)Bake Off!

      • I Dont Get It

        Snickers salad sounds like a Midwestern thing

        • I Dont Get It

          I can definitely see Snickers salad as a standard at church suppers. God I miss Methodist church suppers!

          • Emmaleigh504

            maybe we should start a potluck dinner group….I’ll bring the wine!

          • I Dont Get It

            Reminds me of the pot luck I threw the Sunday after 9/11 with the theme of “comfort food.”Lots of Midwesterners with cheese or cream of mushroom based casseroles and two very perplexed Brits.

            Sadly no Snickers salad.

          • Emmaleigh504

            I can also brink funeral potatoes! I love them and their creamy comfort.

          • Blithe

            IDGI — “cheese OR cream of mushroom…”? I thought the standard was “cheese AND cream of mushroom soup”. And Campbells. It has to be Campbells.

          • I Dont Get It

            Blithe thank you for the correction. 😉

      • “Only three cavities, Bart, your best checkup ever! I’m going to make you my specialty, butterscotch chicken.”

    • Blithe

      Maybe it’s an upstate thing?

    • True. Ranch does not belong on pizza!! Ugh! PS – Let’s Go Mets!

    • yeah, it sounds absolutely revolting! and this guy sounds like an absolute asshat (from my skimming. I’m not subjecting myself to really reading through that drivel).

  • My recommendation is to not go back to Wise Guys so the line is one person shorter for the rest of us.

  • Also a native NYer here. (Queens)

    This guy is a fraud. Chicken, Bacon Ranch is in no way a NY thing.

    I would imagine you would be asked to leave if you ordered it at most self respecting pizza places in NY.

    This guy is probably from Buffalo or Syracuse and thus is not entitled to claim “NY Pizza” as his own.

    Also, Wise Guys is great. I’m glad they didn’t give this weasel what he wanted.

    • Definitely not from Syracuse. I grew up in central new york (family still there) and have never heard of this. Let’s not throw other people under the bus when you don’t know what you’re talking about, ok?

      • Also, NY is a STATE if you didn’t notice before. I know you city folk tend to think that you constitute the entire state.

        • NY may be a state but NY pizza only exists east of the Hudson River. Ranch on pizza is blasphemy and widespread in “Western NY”.

          • “NY may be a state but NY pizza only exists east of the Hudson River.”
            This is the gospel truth. A close second is NJ pizza, at least in north Jersey. No one’s singing paeans to Buffalo pizza (they have wings), or Syracuse pizza . . . hey, what do they have in Syracuse, besides a cheating basketball coach?

          • Never saw it in Buffalo…

          • That’s low dcd. I can’t really defend Boeheim though… i’m ready for the next era.

            What was this thread about again?

          • Hell, Syracuse can’t even claim spiedies.

          • Nope. No CBR pizza in Niagara nor Buffalo. Italians in western NY make pizza the same as in your big city.

          • Sorry ’bout that, ‘Cuse – would this be a bad time to mention that I was a freshman in college when my alma mater, the mighty Richmond Spiders, became the first 15 to beat a 2 in the NCAA tournament?

          • I’d content that NY pizza also exists on many street corners in Utica. Seriously. If you look at a map of each county’s dominant ancestry, you’ll find that New York City and Utica are the only two places in NYS that are plurality Italian. Everywhere else German is the dominant ancestry, including Buffalo, Syracuse, Albany, and Binghamton.

          • Some of Utica’s pizza is pretty crappy but there’s some really great places, too.

          • dcd, i’ll take that over some of the other alma mater options

      • We’re talking Pizza here, I know what I am talking about.

        Central NY is cool. If there is another POP post about a guy from NY claiming he knows real apple picking then feel free to chime in, but leave the take down of this ranch loving fraud to the pros sweetheart.

        Also, Deep Dish Pizza is not Pizza. It’s a soggy tomato and cheese casserole
        (COME AT ME CHICAGO!!!!)

        Go Mets!

    • Come on now… let’s not try to pawn this guy off on Syracuse. He’s one of yours, accept it.

    • Thanks for calling out the fraud. I’m a New Haven pie guy, but NY is spiritually the same and just as good. I was worried for a minute when he said NY folks know this ranch stuff is the best!

      I’ll need to try wiseguys. Wasn’t around when I systematically went to every place in DC 6 years ago! Since Haven -> Pitzze -> closed went down hill, I need a new go to joint! Holding out for the one on Upshur …

    • As a self-hating Buffalo native who has never understood my hometown’s food trends, I’ll say that chicken-bacon-ranch pizza totally sounds like a Buffalo thing. But what doesn’t sound like a Buffalo thing is calling it “New York pizza.” I don’t think there are very many people there who would want to credit New York for this if they like it so much.

    • I agree. This fraud probably puts ketchup on his hot dogs, too.

  • I’m doubting this is serious, but if it is, my earnest recommendation is to move back to New York. You can get fat on chicken bacon pizza and you won’t be here. Win, win.

  • IMO, the situation the OP found himself in would warrant mild annoyance. MILD annoyance, not a missive to PoPville.
    If I were him, I would probably have sucked it up, paid for the whole pizza, and made a mental note to be super-clear next time about slices vs. whole pizza.
    I’m getting the impression that chicken bacon ranch pizza is something of a specialty item, not something that’s regularly carried. Maybe that’s why they didn’t want to give the OP the option of purchasing just the two slices. (And like nyterp, I think chicken bacon ranch pizza sounds disgusting.)

    • Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza sounds like an abomination best suited for the “pizza” (using the term in its loosest possible sense) they serve in Chicago.

      • You’ve clearly never had Chicago pizza. Not deep dish (that’s for tourists) but real Chicago thin crust pizza with the sweet sauce…it’s the best thing on earth.

    • Blithe

      I dunno. I’ve lived in New Haven: Clam pizza! Bacon and Pineapple pizza! OMG — what ARE those little brown things pizza! And New York: Pepperoni! But Pepperoni from John’s! And Ray’s! And Baltimore: Seriously, Shrimp and Crabmeat pizza is wicked awesome. But I’ve never had chicken bacon ranch pizza. Before this post, I’d never even heard of it. Possible PoPville Outing? 🙂 That way something good can come from this chazerai.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Kabob pizza is the best pizza, but I would be down to having a pizza popville outing, especially if we can find Kabob pizza that is not in Stockholm. Or maybe we should all go to Stockholm!!

        • Blithe

          No, no, no: Crabmeat and shrimp is the BEST pizza. But gyro pizza might be second best. I like your idea about Stockholm though!

          • Emmaleigh504

            nope, kabob is the BEST pizza in the WORLD!

          • Blithe

            I DON”T believe you. Soooo, does that mean a trip to Stockholm so that you can prove your point? 🙂

          • Emmaleigh504

            Yes! We better head to Stockholm! I know a great little joint right near a reasonably priced hotel. I have pictures of the kabob pizza if you want to see those. It’s almost as magical as pho.

          • I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I will accept the Louisiana native’s opinion on the best po boy, muffuletta, gumbo, jambalaya, Andouille, boudin, etc. Pizza? Sorry, no.

          • Emmaleigh504

            oh hush dcd! We are getting a trip to Stockholm out of this little feud! And it’s damn good pizza.

      • I had to look up “chazerai.”
        In this context, does it mean something like “nonsense”?

        • Blithe

          I’ve always understood it to mean craziness. As in: Why all this chazerai? If you want the pizza, buy the pizza. If you don’t want the pizza, don’t buy the pizza. Posting on a blog? Meh!

    • If OP was serious, I get the impression he/she wrote it partially in jest and didn’t realize the length of his/her ridiculous anecdote would get more attention than the actual intent of the letter- a plea for help from PoP to find a new location that will serve that monstrosity he/she refers to as pizza. I’m not trying to defend him- he definitely sounds like a DB- but I’m guessing he thought he was being funny?

  • Blithe

    OP: “I think I won that round.” What exactly is it that you think you won?

  • in the words of cosmo kramer: “what gives you the right to tell me how i would make my pie?”

    i’m with the k-man on this one. give them the damn bacon.

  • My recommendation: don’t be such a jerk next time! Also, when most people call a pizza place ahead of time to say they are ordering pizza its for a whole pie not slices. you should have taken the pie.

  • are you kidding me?!? They made you a special custom pizza exactly how you wanted it and you refused it buy it because you only wanted two slices of it?! You are crazy.

    Also there are PLENTY of places in new york that will only sell you a full pie. We should be glad that we have an amazing NY style pizza place like wiseguy, not get angry when they don’t cater to our every need.

    Anyway get the honey chicken instead that stuff is amazing

  • Emmaleigh504

    Fcking New Yorkers. go back if it’s so great.

  • Agreed with all of the above…anywhere but NYC this wouldn’t even rise to the level of “first world problem.”

    That said…

    Pizza places that don’t tweak slices are a-holes. Come on…the [topping] is sitting right there next to the slices, so just grab a handful and throw it on. What, do you not want additional dollars? Or is the added topping going to disrupt the delicate balance of flavors you’ve artisanally compiled? The customer service in this town sucks, and regardless of the OP’s demeanor this is a case in point. (And no, I’m not from NY.)

  • I can only assume this is a clever piece of stealth marketing from the folks at Wiseguy.

  • Wow, the people on the Washington DC subreddit are going to have a field day with this.

  • In my college town, there was a pizza joint whose claim to fame was that they served every pie with a soup bowl full of ranch dressing for dipping. I give you leave to speculate about the average customer.

  • Wow, didn’t know my eyes could roll back this far — glad this post helped me discover that

  • 1. This has to be a joke.
    2. Can someone recommend a “NY Pizza” place in NY to me? I feel like I just don’t understand what it is or something, despite having had a lot of varying type of pizza in NY.
    3. If you are looking for this elusive style – it appears that you can’t get it in DC. Sorry for your loss.

    • Blithe

      My favorite is John’s. But, um, I don’t think they sell slices….. (wicked grin)

    • 2. Same. I’ve been to NYC at least a dozen times, and still don’t get it. It’s thing and you fold it. Beyond that, I haven’t eaten NY pizza that I would run back to on my next trip. But I’m also happy to be proven wrong if someone wants to make a suggestion for said lifechanging pizza…

      • Actually, while it’s not “NY style” I really like the pizza from L&B Spumoni Gardens in NY. It’s Sicilian, square cut, thick dough, with cheese THEN sauce on top. It’s really great if that’s a thing you’re into. Personally I’ll pretty much eat any style of pizza as long as the taste is there (sorry, I draw the line at Papa John’s).

        • It sort of sounds like a Chicago/NY hybrid? Maybe that’s just because I like Pi and the way they put the sauce on top.

          • Chicago’s sauce is that chunky tomato stuff. This is more of a … paste? I don’t know how to explain. So delicious.

        • YES. This type of pizza is good stuff. “Tomato pie” is a godsend and along the same vein (if not exactly what you’re talking about). And some places in central new york do this very well.

        • L&B’s is great, very close to my high school in Brooklyn. They have everything including regular slices… better than Ray’s or Famous Ray’s or any of those other places people talk about. Also Fascati’s in Brooklyn Heights is legit, when they aren’t on vacation.

  • If the OP is following the comments, I would love for them to chime in and elaborate on the whole CBR as a NY staple, thing.

  • Blithe

    The ad at the top of my page for this one is: Free pizza coupons! No mention of CBR though.

  • Actually, i believe Domino’s makes this abomination of a ‘pizza’ – although they credit it as a California inspired creation – not NYC.

  • Request update to see if OP survived this disaster.

  • anonymouse_dianne

    Just go to &pizza. It’s nothing like NY pizza but you can have all the toppings as long as it still fits in the oven. Don’t know if they have bacon.

    Was home yesterday and some of the talk shows were making fun of the “bacon” ruling by the FDA. Steve Harvey endorsed a new brand called Easy Bacon. On the Chew (and elsewhere) they announced that WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE any way, so step up to the Bacon Bar 😉

    • Another suggestion for all the toppings you want (but nothing like NY pizza) – mellow mushroom. Bonus: their ranch dressing is MY JAM!

  • why is this even a post? slow news day, huh?

  • Good lord you sound like a terrible person. Called ahead, ordered specialty pizza, ‘surprised’ expected to pay for entire said pizza, stormed out, wrote local blog about experience. People like you are awful.

  • I’ve always said that, despite the cosmopolitan reputation, New Yorkers are the most provincial lot I’ve encountered. This is a good example.

  • All this talk of pizza makes me hungry. I want some tomato pie now.
    Do we have this hiding somewhere in DC? Seriously. This is my favorite.

  • Hey, all. It’s me, the Chicken Bacon Ranch guy.

    I sure have ruffled some feathers. In one camp there’s the “this is dumb, why did you write this?” folks. Thank you all for reading and taking the time to weigh in. In the second camp, we have the “I hate New Yorkers” folks. It’s cool, we’re used to it. Most of you would mash your gums on a sloppy, soggy jumbo slice and call it “good,” so I’ll take your comments with a grain of salt — much like you should have taken my diatribe above.

    First off, Wiseguy has great pizza. I’m not knocking the quality; I take issue with their obstinacy to a reasonable request.

    Secondly, I am indeed a New Yorker. I should note that I am from the lower Hudson Valley (just north of the city), and I will admit that CBR is a much bigger deal there than it is elsewhere. However, most of my family is from the city, where I’ve spent a sizable chunk of my life before moving here. CBR is on the shelf at every single NYC pizza joint I’ve ever been to and is nearly as big of a deal there as it is up north. My city friends love it, my upstate friends love it. If you have never heard of it or think it sounds gross, I strongly encourage you give it a shot next time you’re in New York.

    Regardless, CBR is something Wiseguy used to have all the time. So, why did they suddenly remove the bacon, and therefore essentially neuter the greatest pizza of all time? And the reason I called ahead was to make sure they had it out. The last time I was there, they just said they didn’t have it at the moment. This time, they had chicken and ranch, and I even OFFERED to pay extra for the bacon. For the record, the manager was actually pretty nice when I contacted him even though he stood by his policy, which I still maintain is unreasonable.

    This is a post with more comments than I’ve ever seen on a Popville post, so I’ll take some credit for Wiseguy’s publicity and will thank you all for writing in.

    I wish you a Happy Halloween and a delicious Chicken Bacon Ranch,

    Chicken Bacon Ranch Guy.

  • I’m from the Midwest and I am *shocked* that so many of you have never tried chicken bacon ranch pizza LET ALONE have never heard of it! *clutches pearls*
    It’s pretty good, nothing too amazing, but worth trying sometime.
    Ranch on pizza is so not a NY thing. It’s definitely a Midwest thing. Ranch on ERRRYTHANG there.

  • “And I told him that’s not how it works in New York, which he obviously replied “this isn’t New York,””

    That’s right… in NYC they would tell you to get the f*ck out! Also, part of the reason New York and New Haven pizza is so good is because you don’t need chicken bacon and ranch on it. You can have just cheese and be in heaven. The only time I’ve heard of chicken bacon ranch on pizza is for fast food commercials.

  • Hi everyone.
    Anyways the only reasons why we don’t do custom slice is: because more than few of our customer would want to add something on it and then the line would never move. We tested for few day when we first opened but it didn’t work.

    Yes it is true that we could make more money out of it but then the service would be so slow. I am sure no one wants to wait for too long.

    The 2nd reason is when you add toppings on the slices that are already cooked, the toppings would be still raw. Because slice heating only takes 1-2 minutes. Therefore quality would go down.

    The only topping we add is Basil and Parmigiano Reggiano

    We appreciate the good or the bad feedbacks. With the bad feedbacks we will try to improve ourselves.

    Note To our Chicken Ranch Pizza guy: Sorry in past we ran specials with Chicken n Bacon but we never changed our Original Chicken Ranch Pizza.

    Like I told you over the phone messaging it was my manager fault. We shouldn’t leave you unhappy and should have given you the slices from the whole pie. Myself apologized from you and offered you whole pizza the way you wanted on us to please you.

    So we hope to see you again.


  • justinbc

    “Anyone in PoPville wanna make a recommendation?”
    Move back to New York.

  • best Pizza in a cup ever. Drove the other Pizza in a cup guy right out of town.

  • I lived in the building Wiseguys is in for its first two years of existence. They’ve never had a Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza. Don’t know what this guy is smoking as there has never been bacon on it. The owner is one of the best owners I’ve ever encountered. My roommate I loved the Honey BBQ when it first came out, they then stopped serving it. We complained like children on FB and the owner actually recognized us the next time in and they’ve been serving that wonderful slice since.

    • I just looked on their chain website and it is indeed listed as “Chicken Ranch”. But bacon sounds alright, although I’m not a ranch fan.

  • Sounds like this is the posters problem. Wiseguy is not supposed to be known for their service, just great pizza. Sounds like this person is just the kind of annoying person that any pizza place would have issues with. How dare you denigrate Wiseguy. You don’t deserve them and they don’t want you back either. Good bye.

  • I am really too hung up on hating ranch anything to really follow this conversation.
    Ranch is foul in all its aspects, so the thought of maiming a poor harmless pizza with that stuff just makes me want to send a large donation to whatever charity there is which recues these needy pizzas, gives them a good cleaning, and then provides them with a nice new heat lamp to live under, ranch-free for all the rest of their day(s).

  • This is hilarious. Good one Dan. Let ’em chase their tails round and round.

  • Chicken does not belong on a pizza.

  • Is Chicken Bacon Ranch really a New York thing? it sounds suspiciously midwestern to me, like something you’d get at a Pizza Ranch in Iowa while Ted Cruz yells in the background.

  • HaileUnlikely

    I happen to agree with your preference regarding the bacon, but you can’t reasonably expect a self-respecting business to make you ONE FVCKING SLICE of whatever the F* you want. If you want to buy by the slice, buy something that they freaking sell by the slice. If you want your own special pizza, you gotta buy the whole thing, not just one slice.

  • “I’m from New York and…” = The point at which I stop listening to the rest of any sentence.

  • You were great in that video where you demanded Bacon Jalapeño Mac and Cheese.

  • i thought the post was hilarious.

  • This is why I always stuff my pockets with bacon before I go out to eat.

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