
PoP contributor Eric Nuzum envisions his breaking point.
Everyone has a breaking point. Everything is normal, then something so absolutely annoying happens that you lose your shit. For Bjork, it was being photographed after a long flight to Taiwan. For Johnny Depp, it’s slow hotel room service. Postal workers, that dude in the movie Network–we all have that point. Hell, Lou Dobbs has made a career out of being outraged every weeknight at exactly 7pm.
Though it has yet to happen, I know the precise thing that will someday drive me into a batshit crazy rage: watching people fumble through using the “Pay Here” machine in the DCUSA parking garage.
I think my intolerance comes from my own abilities to execute this simple task. In all humility, I’m like a kendo master of the “Pay Here” machine. Even with a bag in each hand, I can insert the ticket, insert my dollar, grab my ticket, and step aside–all in less than 18 seconds. If both hands are free and I have a dollar coin, I can get it done in less than 12.
Spend three minutes hanging around the P1 elevator lobby at DCUSA and I think you’ll agree that I am the exception.
Now, for those who plan to give me grief for driving from Petworth to DCUSA, let me remind you that we live in a city where driving a car (an occasionally necessary evil, admit it) is an exercise in misery. Journeying to the “come on in, there is plenty of space”-ness of DCUSA’s garage is cathartic. It’s worth a melted iceberg or two just to have the experience.
Admittedly, part of me understands why the “Pay Here” machine might blow a few minds, as the DCUSA garage sends out screwy signals from the minute you drive in. How can someone spend tens of millions of dollars on a garage, yet fail to consider that entering and exiting on the left might confuse people? DCUSA usually pays a security person to stand there all day, just to keep folks from entering through the exit ramp. At least that guy doesn’t need to worry about the waxing and waning of the economy.
When it comes time to settle up and head out, most people look at the “Pay Here” machine like it is quantum physics equation, like it’s an elaborate puzzle or riddle or something. Overwhelmed looks of confusion abound. However, in a world of complexity, the “Pay Here” machine is really one of the simplest, most straight ahead exchanges one could have all day. Continues after the jump. (more…)