No Quarters Accepted by Eric Nuzum

by Prince Of Petworth February 18, 2009 at 11:46 pm 62 Comments

IMG_1833, originally uploaded by Prince of Petworth.

PoP contributor Eric Nuzum envisions his breaking point.

Everyone has a breaking point. Everything is normal, then something so absolutely annoying happens that you lose your shit. For Bjork, it was being photographed after a long flight to Taiwan. For Johnny Depp, it’s slow hotel room service. Postal workers, that dude in the movie Network–we all have that point. Hell, Lou Dobbs has made a career out of being outraged every weeknight at exactly 7pm.

Though it has yet to happen, I know the precise thing that will someday drive me into a batshit crazy rage: watching people fumble through using the “Pay Here” machine in the DCUSA parking garage.

I think my intolerance comes from my own abilities to execute this simple task. In all humility, I’m like a kendo master of the “Pay Here” machine. Even with a bag in each hand, I can insert the ticket, insert my dollar, grab my ticket, and step aside–all in less than 18 seconds. If both hands are free and I have a dollar coin, I can get it done in less than 12.

Spend three minutes hanging around the P1 elevator lobby at DCUSA and I think you’ll agree that I am the exception.

Now, for those who plan to give me grief for driving from Petworth to DCUSA, let me remind you that we live in a city where driving a car (an occasionally necessary evil, admit it) is an exercise in misery. Journeying to the “come on in, there is plenty of space”-ness of DCUSA’s garage is cathartic. It’s worth a melted iceberg or two just to have the experience.

Admittedly, part of me understands why the “Pay Here” machine might blow a few minds, as the DCUSA garage sends out screwy signals from the minute you drive in. How can someone spend tens of millions of dollars on a garage, yet fail to consider that entering and exiting on the left might confuse people? DCUSA usually pays a security person to stand there all day, just to keep folks from entering through the exit ramp. At least that guy doesn’t need to worry about the waxing and waning of the economy.

When it comes time to settle up and head out, most people look at the “Pay Here” machine like it is quantum physics equation, like it’s an elaborate puzzle or riddle or something. Overwhelmed looks of confusion abound. However, in a world of complexity, the “Pay Here” machine is really one of the simplest, most straight ahead exchanges one could have all day.  Continues after the jump.

On my latest trip to DCUSA, I stood behind a dude who was re-inserting the same quarter in the machine over and over again, at least six times. Then he looked at me, completely befuddled.

“It doesn’t take quarters,” I said.

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“You see the photo of a quarter with a thick black ‘X’ over it?” I asked.

“Oh,” he said.

Then the guy stares at his handful of change.

“But I don’t have a dollar bill,” he said, somehow insinuating that this was now my problem.

Perhaps that’s were the outrage comes in, because it actually was my problem. The lined of huddled flummoxed masses at the other machine was even longer. If I wanted to get out of this parking deck in the next day or two, I needed to help him. I handed him my dollar and took four quarters in exchange. Of course, I had a second dollar out and ready to go (with my ticket posed in my other hand and ready to insert) before this guy had even figured out which direction his bill needed to face.

I think the “Pay Here” machine should function like the ancient contraptions in the Indiana Jones movies. Push the wrong button or do functions in the wrong order or outside of an acceptable time limit and a large impaling spike will explode from the floor, poison darts fly out of the wall, or a giant stone ball will roll out of a trap door in the ceiling, crushing those who find “Please insert ticket in machine” too complex an instruction.

It is worth mentioning that other things have competed for this position as top potential rage inducer in my life.

The previous candidate was the Rita’s Italian Ice in Columbia Heights. Before visiting Rita’s you must always remember one thing: For some reason, Rita’s occupies a tear in the space/time continuum where everything happens in slow motion. Life operates at a different pace for those at Rita’s. Things operate so slowly at Rita’s that most folks are under the mistaken impression that they are closed for the season. Wrong. It has just taken them four months to work up the energy to reopen the doors again. That’s actually fine. I understand this and accept it as part of going there.

What chaps my ass isn’t the slow service, it’s the customers. How can someone wait 15 minutes in line and not even think to consider what flavor they’d like until they are standing in front of the register? Even the Rita’s employees, who take 3 minutes to count back 47 cents in change, get frustrated waiting on these people to decide between Alex’s Lemonade and Very Berry (both just sound soooooo delicious!!!!).

Okay, so maybe I should just stay away from Columbia Heights in general–it would be good for my blood pressure.

So, dear readers, what are your hair-trigger local rage inducers? Seeing only three registers open at Giant on a Saturday afternoon? Metrobuses that can’t seem to board passengers unless they straddle three lanes of traffic? I can’t believe I’m the only otherwise-tolerant and pleasant person who has something in our hood get under their skin.

Go ahead, let it rip, you’ll feel better. Trust me.

Comments (62)

  1. Metrobus riders who take get on the bus, take two steps and then stop, forcing everyone else to squeeze past. Bus riders who stand in the back door exit and get indignant when they have to step aside for people actually trying to exit through the back door. People who don’t move to the back of the bus, leaving clumps at the front no one can get past.

    Bus riders (and others) who have headphones that leak loud nasty music in the morning when I just want to do my crossword puzzle in peace. Folks who chomp and smack and snap their gum in my ear. All you folks – STOP IT!

    [Had a few bad bus commutes this week!]

  2. It still gets on my nerves when cashiers pile the coins on top of any bills and the receipt [repeat after me – coins, bills, receipt].

    And then say “have a good one.” A good what? One? What does that mean?

  3. ah..another reason I have not trek over to DCUSA….keep it coming…

  4. I hesitate to let out my little secret, but you can pay with a credit card at the exit gate. Skip the 10 people in line at the machine, get in your car, and head to the exit gate. Slip in your parking ticket, a balance will show on the screen, slide in your credit card, and you’re on your way lickety-split.

    waiting in line is for suckers.

  5. When I lived in DC, it was the tourists who insist on using the Metro during peak morning time. They, of course, don’t know where they want to go, how to use the machines, where they put their money, how much it costs to get to Dupont Circle from here… My then boyfriend broke up with me for my intolerance of the visitors…and I said good riddance! But I am otherwise really nice!

  6. For me it is people that write checks at the grocery store and don’t start writing them until the cashier has finished scanning everything. Although, checks? Please, credit card or ATM what is with checks.
    Second it is backpack wearing people. Are you all still 8 years old? No one has to carry that much stuff to always have a backpack, plus many of them leave it on all the time forgetting they have something on their back that will hit people as they turn and move on a crowded bus. Take the damn thing off and put it between your legs if you really think you need to wear and suit and backpack, or better yet grow up. Whew.

  7. “And then say ‘have a good one.’ A good what? One? What does that mean?”

    Umm,….I’d suggest leaving the Andy Rooney/Seinfeld schtick to Andy Rooney and Seinfeld.

  8. Okay, since the hating-everyone-for-not-knowing-everything-about-kinda-weird-DC-transportation-even-though-I’m-a-DC-transplant-from-Ohio shtick has already been played out, how about the native-Washingtonian-who-hates-anyone-who-moved-here-post-Barry-reign one?

    LA? Fuck LA! New York has better carryout food!


  9. I have had similar rage inducing moments when people take 15+ minutes to use the ATM. Put your card in, get your money and then move along. If it is really that serious wait until the bank is open…Or possibly read the directions on the F’ing screen and figure it out!

  10. Seeing kids strolling home from school whilst shoveling in chips and snacks and drinks, then tossing their garbage in my yard… my neighbors’ yards… the gutter.

    And also, running over random piles of dogshit in my yard with the lawn mower. I don’t have a dog.

    Oh yeah, and when weak drivers slow down to let taxis do a last-minute lane change.

    Makes me want to snap some necks.

  11. People who ask me the same question 3-5 different ways hoping I’ll suddenly give the answer they want. My answers don’t change when you change the wording of the same question!

    when you here about the librarian who lost her shit and killed all the patrons, this will be why.

  12. The backpack people on the metro drive me crazy! Do you really not realize that you’re carrying an extra foot of crap on your back and when you move around you have to take that into account? A woman hit me in the head while I was bending over on the metro with her backpack yesterday, and didn’t seem to notice or apologize.

    Yes, put your big ass bag or backpack on the floor while you’re standing on the metro/bus so it’s out of the way. Seriously!

    (Thanks for the opportunity to do that, feeling better now)

  13. omg melanie, the last one, definitely… i hate hate HATE when timid ass drivers in front of me let in the guy who came barreling down the open lane to the right or left then slam on their breaks, flip on their signal (if were lucky) and expects you to let them merge in at the last minute, across the solid line… SCREW THAT. i leave just enough room for them to get in, and then when they poke their bumper in, i speed up and give them the finger…im sure ill get a lot of shit for this from some of you, but i dont care, as you are probably the wusses that let them in or the assholes that do it!

    if people werent taught that its ok to be absolute jackasses, then they wouldnt be absolute jackasses.


  14. I can’t stand people who bitch and whine.

  15. Re: Checks at the grocery store….what’s even more annoying is being in line at Safeway (as if there is ever not a line) and the person in front of you waits until the cashier is completely done and then they put in their safeway card info and then their credit/debit…hello people, there is no need to wait. The nanosecond the cashier starts rining up your stuff, you can start inputting all that info…sheesh…

  16. Oh M. @1:23 am you had to spill our little secret. Just don’t tell about the row of parking places near the elevators behind the wall that is almost always devoid of parkers.

  17. M., you made my day, thank you!

    My pet peeve is that all dry cleaners in this city are closed on Sunday. I just want to veg on Saturday and am always remembering about my dry cleaning on Sunday, and I’m out of luck.

    Uh, and what really makes my blood boil is people that honk outside people’s houses. Why not call them on your cell and say you’re outside? or freakin’ go knock on the door??!?

  18. The huge group of teenagers that are loitering at Gallery Place Metro every single morning during my commute to work. Aren’t they supposed to be in school?!

  19. Well said, Micky, PetWorthRes, probably some others.

    Virtually any aspect of modern, domestic air travel basically gets my blood boiling.

  20. I’m with Mar on the ATM slowpokes. I mean what are ya’ doing, takin’ out a mortgage? Seriously, I’ve watched some of these people (I know rude ATM etiquette) as they try to withdrawl $100. “Insufficient Funds.” Then try $80. “Insufficient Funds” When they get the same message when they try the the minimal amount I think, “don’t you know you’re broke?”

  21. fukers who slashed my tires (along with others on my block) last night can go to hell…

  22. Fellow Petworthian

    Let’s see, where to start…..
    1. Dog shit in my yard, wtf! You want to have that cool dog, then clean up its shit! Sorry if carrying around some plastic bags makes you look like a p*ssy, but guess what, there are so many blowing around our hood you can just pick one up and use that. Which leads me to my second point.
    2. People who throw trash out on the ground, either while walking around or out of their pristine (and I mean clean as a whistle), pimped out, bass-thumping rides. Guess who cleans it up, no it isn’t the trash fairies, it people like me who actually care what their yard/street boxes look like.
    3. The “ghetto doorbell”, just like PetworthRes I wonder why one wouldn’t just use their cell phone to give a quick call that they are out front, or better yet, how about pulling into a parking space and actually getting out of the car, walking to the door and knocking on it. Whew, I know it is hard and probably pretty tiring, but maybe people don’t want to hear you laying on the horn repeatedly.
    I could go on, but I will let this serve as my bitch session for the day.

  23. Wow, you people are really obnoxious. Please move back to wherever it is you probably came from.

  24. Word, PetworthRes. What is with the honking? This very morning, I indulged in a gratuitously detailed fantasy involving a baseball bat as some assh ole leaned on his horn outside my bedroom window.

    Oh, and while we’re at it… why do people use the walkie-talkie functions on their cell phones while standing outside my house? You know, the one that goes b’beep! every time you activate it? People are having long conversations, on speaker, with b’beep! every couple seconds! I swear! WHAT can they be thinking???

  25. people who honk in alleyways, thinking it gives them the right of way. Just because you honk, doesn’t mean you don’t have to yield to pedestrians on the sidewalk or traffic on the street. It is only a courtesy, to let others know you are approaching from a blind corner. A single honk is sufficient. Five honks is just rude to your neighbors. And honking at night to let others know of your approach is completely unnecessary because others can see your headlights. And if you leave for work every day at 5AM, do NOT honk and wake your neighbors up every day.

  26. PetworthRes – I’ve never used it but the oxxo dry cleaners across from the Giant on Park has a system for 24-hour drop off and pick up.

  27. Alright you people who are all “stop complaining” – the post asked: “So, dear readers, what are your hair-trigger local rage inducers?” so commenters are responding to that question. Get over yourselves.

  28. Fellow Petworthian

    One last item…
    People like anonymous at 10:18, who tell people to stop complaining and to go back to where we came from. I am a resident of DC and Petworth by choice, I just want other people who live/visit our neighborhood to care a little bit about it. Those who don’t want to take care of Petworth are free to leave anytime they want. If we all just complacently stand by and accept things they way they are then we are just as guilty.

  29. Commenters who tell other commenters to get over theirselves, and all the other miserable people that lack courtesy in this city. I think Cookietime420 has it right.

  30. hahaha – great post and even better responses. I think for me its being stuck about 5 people back from an escalefter, someone standing on the left of the escalator. I’m actually not mad at the person who stopped, I’m upset with the 4 people in front of me who decided not to say anything and now the whole thing is jammed up.

    Another thing that really gets me is waiting for the 42 bus on Mt. Pleasant St. Nothing is worse then waiting out in the cold for 15 minutes hoping a bus will show up. Then when one finally comes it inevitably takes its break or goes out of service. I’ve been thinking about replacing the ‘schedule’ cards with random numbers to see if anyone notices.

  31. Hilarious. While I can think of many things more frustrating than that machine, I am taken with your ability to convert a mundane, annoying event into an existential treatise. The whole is much more than the sum of it’s parts. Fine entertainment.

  32. I just want to make a couple points about this post: going to Ritas. And Target. and complaining about the mental competence of the patrons??? seriously???
    And also. how bout instead of patting yourself on the back for being master of the target parking lot machine. you direct a little blame at the people who make a machine. that doesn’t accept quarters. when the most you are ever likely to pay for parking there is 1 dollar. Who has dollar coins? ill tell you who. people who park at target. have to pay a dollar. have a pocketful of quarters. not allowed to use them. so they pay with a five dollar bill. and get 4 of them suckers back to use the next time they go to the wasteland that is target. there. said my bit.

  33. There are definitely some readers here who have rage issues. Get that shiat under control before you have a heart attack.

    Of course, I do have pet peeves of my own:

    1. people who take up 2 seats on metro until EVERY OTHER SEAT is filled, and then *finally* realize that they need to move their fat ass over so someone else can sit down. Your bag does not deserve it’s own seat, moron!

    2. People who use those stupid rolling briefcases on a daily basis. I can understand using one when travelling, but every day? If you need a bag with wheels then you are either carrying too much crap or you need to build some muscle.

    3. People who think that just because they have lived in the city for a few years, they can look down on tourists who *dare* to use metro during peak hours. Really folks, you are no more important than they are, and you have no right to tell others when they may use *your* precious mass transit system.

    You have to have a thick skin to live around here. You will be a lot happier if you just turn the other cheek rather than getting all hot and bothered. If you haven’t yet realized that most DC-area inhabitants are jerks, then you probably haven’t lived here too long.

  34. I’m annoyed by people who begin internet posts with “Ummm…”.

    Oh, yes, and by anonymous posters who encourage folks to “get over themselves” or to “go back to where you came from”. We’re just having fun here. If you can’t get on board, please stay quietly on the dock. The ship will come back around shortly.

  35. Wow. Thanks for your comments everyone. What fun. To clarify (I got two emails asking about this). I am not the person in the photo above. The Prince insisted that I get a photo of the “Pay Here” machine (plus, as a good journalist, I wanted to find out what the machine is actually called, such as “Park-N-Pay” or whatever–as you can see it really doesn’t have a name, it just says “Pay Here”). Unexpectedly, one of my friends walked in the lobby at the same moment I arrived to photograph it. Weird. He agreed to be my model, so the jolly machine user is my friend Aaron. If I were using it, I would not have a goofy smile on my face.

    Also, I’ll tell you who else has dollar coins–those who’ve been to the post office, used their stupid machine, and got more than $1 in change. Tink!

  36. Commenters who tell commenters who tell other commenters to get over theirselves.

  37. Even though you can’t usually park there, the lower level of the DCUSA parking garage has two other pay machines – just take the elevator down to P2 and then back up again. It might not actually save you any time while you’re waiting for the elevator, but at least you’ll feel smarter.

  38. @Herb: I love those spots! The secret’s out. Of course, I just go to DCUSA at 8 am on weekends to avoid the chaos.

  39. Okay, here we go…

    When I get on the train after work and it’s nice and quiet–then here come the two or three teenagers with the music blaring from their headphones or the conversation that MUST be had at top volume. All I want to do is read my book in peace!

    Drivers who pull into the crosswalk and STAY THERE, making me walk OUT INTO TRAFFIC to get around you! The crosswalk is there for a reason, dumbass.

  40. How about turning left on Park to get into the Target parking lot? Or just driving on 14th Street in general…. It’s a cluster* of people. At least it is not VA but I still have to mentally prepare myself for the trek to DCUSA.

  41. For DcRat:

    I take my backpack on the metro to work everyday to hold a book, my lunch, and shoes and clothes to run at the gym after work. Though I am conscious of the fact that it sticks out and I make an effort on to bonk people by putting on the floor both when I’m standing or sitting on the train, it’s just the easiest and most comfortable way for me to carry all my stuff. Just saying…

  42. All that public in public transportation = many ways to get under our skin!

    Adding to Anon5, men who sit on the bus/metro with their legs spread apart and into the next seat. I don’t want to be in close contact with your body so guys, close your legs.

    People who smack and snap and (I can’t think of what other word fits) their gum. How do you do that and do you know how annoying it is?

    Another getting under my skin thing – people who eat in the park and throw chicken bones on the ground. Do you think they’re just going to disappear?

    OK I feel better.,

  43. Honking in general. Honking in place of using the call box is highly annoying. I am starting to be able to mentally block it out, though.

    Honking while driving for anything other than an emergent situation. I walk 1.5 miles to work everyday. Everyday a car honks at another car in front of them. Almost every time the honker is in the wrong. Please try to see what the hold up is before you honk. Odds are you just cant see the obstruction and now you just honked at someone who is waiting for a woman pushing a stroller through the crosswalk or waiting for your grandmother, but you wouldn’t know because you have an inferior vantage point.

    Northbound Connecticut Ave at Van Ness St. The left lane gets a green left signal, but to go straight you must wait for the rest of the green lights. However, the left lane is not a left turn only lane – you can go straight there too. Inevitably, someone two or three cars back will honk when the green arrow comes on. Then will then cross the double yellow line to speed around everyone to make that light while making a horrible face and giving the finger to the person at the front of the line who has done nothing wrong. It happens so often that I have to blame DC for this one. It needs to be changed or marked better.

  44. People who stand at the edge of the baggage claim carousel to wait for their bags, thereby blocking the view of everyone behind them. Then when someone behind them actually needs to retrieve their bag, they dont move out of the damn way, or they get upset that someone is knocking into them trying to get their bag.
    There is no reason to stand right next to the baggage claim carousel with your head on a swivel watching everyones bags go by.
    I realize that this will never change, but I automatically hate anyone who starts stepping to the edge of the carousel as soon as the red light starts flashing…

  45. Parents who OBV shouldnt be parents. Parents who give their young kids/toddlers/babies soda. Yup, its a free country and people can do what they want, but this leads to my next major aggravation

    Overly obsese people. On the Metro. Taking up two seats. Breathing heavy with thunder thighs a jiggling as they waddletowalk, waddletowalk, waddletowalk.

    no, i wont hear “they may have medical conditions that make them that way”


  46. oh, the baggage claim is a good one. People just flock to the little opening where the bags come out just so they catch their bag within its first 4 feet.

  47. i feel you, venting… but damn i cant decide whether i want to have sex with the food on that website, or eat it!!!

    def going home to attempt some sort of tatertot-sausagepizza-oreo-chilli-cheese concoction right now!

  48. People who clip their finger nails on the bus or on metro. WTF? Is this acceptable?

  49. In no particular order or things about DC that have got to make you laugh…seriously, this stuff wouldn’t fly anywhere else:

    CVS – 20 people in line, 1 cashier.
    Comcast – 20 people in line 1 cashier
    S1 bus – the schedule is posted, bus never/never shows ontime.
    16th Street Busses – bunching, late, not stopping, over crowded.
    Escalefters –
    Non rush hour service on the yellow line to CoHi – Seriously, why isn’t it all the time?
    WMATA – permanent fiscal crisis, get some advertisements like london
    Any and all subway stations – Get some art, get some buskers
    Commuters – the whole culture, in to work early, out of work early, slugs, etc.
    Late Night Shots – seriously?
    Georgetown Residence Association – Put the damn apple store in already
    Marion Barry – where do you start….
    Mt. Pleasant street – Please help us help ourselves. bring in something of value.
    Light Rail/Trams/Street cars – Where are they?
    The lack of a good deli sandwich or bagel
    The Washington Times

  50. Your a pickle and I am 2

    And people who eat sunflower/pumpkin/squash seeds on the metro and spit the husks out on the floor and seats; that’s just plain gross. And we all know that it was neicy who’s been eating those seeds.

  51. @M – I remember realizing that you could just pay at the exit and wondering how much of my life had been wasted waiting in line for the “pay here” machine at Target and every other parking garage with those things.

  52. #1 ok the “ghetto doorbell” made me laugh out loud, not heard that phrase before. Although I would prefer that over the a-hole who once a week, usually at 3:00am, stands in the alley to yell up to the second floor window of the other a-hole living in Faircliffs East Apts. “yo, yo Michael” and this goes on for at least five minutes straight. Michael never responds yet this does not seem to be a deterrent.
    #2: seeing section 8 housing covered with Dish Network.
    #3 the baby thugs from Faircliffs who sit on the hood of the my car. Go sit on your moms new SUV not on my 12 year old car!!
    #4 teenage moms screaming at their 2 year old, usually on the bus, to “shut the eff up” typically happens at an hour of the night when 2 year shoudl be in bed. I always think that toddler will be robbing me at gun point in another 13 years with that kind of hometraining.

  53. #1 DC Driving Pet Peeve-

    A three step process:

    1. You approach a stop light on a four lane road, in the left travel lane.

    2. Car directly in front of you stops at red light, first in line to go when it turns green.

    3. When the light turns green, car in front of you turns on left turn signal and does not move forward.

    And that’s it, you’re stuck. An earlier signal would’ve allowed you a chance to change lanes or something, but you’re stuck. Bastard.


  54. for Isotopor: I didn’t say you can’t have your reasons, but admit it, you look like a dork.
    I think one of the problems with DC is that people opt for comfort over style far too often. But enjoy your backpack, just take if off on the bus, okay?

  55. Eric I love you.

    and I drive everywhere in DC so whatever, haters can hate.

  56. Yay Kalia! I’m a die-hard driver too, and even though driving certainly has its share of frustrations, for me at least, it’s less headache-inducing than public transportation any day. (And, I’ve never been to anyplace in DCUSA. It takes me less time to get to VA than it does to Columbia Heights from where I’m at on the Hill, and there’s ample free parking and none of the 14th and Park Clusterfuck. I wouldn’t want to live in the ‘burbs, but it’s sure nice to visit from time to time.)

  57. AnonMe – Re: the guys on the bus who sit with their legs spread apart. This used to drive me crazy back when I rode the bus to work every day. If someone is sitting next to you, close your legs! I don’t want your thighs rubbing up against me. That’s just gross.

  58. Oo my turn!

    Here are the inner thoughts of the people I hate…

    #1. thought bubble: “I have to drive in the middle of this road, because there are cars parked on both sides of the street. Yes, the street is wide enough for 2 cars, 2 bikes, and a scooter to drive by each other simultaneously, but YOU are going to need to wait while I drive in the absolute middle of this street. On second thought, I think I’ll also drive 7 mph, and your head will explode.”

    #2. thought bubble: “I have this dog here, FooFoo the Pomeranian, and this dog is pooping. I am going to pretend that I don’t see this dog pooping, and continue talking on my mobile phone and/or bluetooth at the highest possible decible, and I will incorporate loud screams and/or laughter every 28 seconds. I will ignore this poop, and your dog will later eat it, or you will step in it and maybe cry a little because it’ll be the proverbial (and literal) poop icing on the sh*t cake that was your day.”

    #3. thought bubble: “I am doing something, and you are waiting to do that something when I am finished. I am aware that you are waiting to do this something, but I do believe that I will do this something very slowly. I will be very slow, almost as though I have a physical or mental disability, and you will continue to wait. I will park/walk/eat/buy/shop/drink/ride/etc. as slowly as possible, and you may cry a little.”

    Yeah, that felt great.

  59. One more…

    #4. thought bubble: “I work at Best Buy. I love my job! I could talk about this crap of a job all day long! I love my blue shirt. It’s a golf shirt, but it says… BEST BUY! Ahh isn’t that awesome? I am so cool. I am going to be in a commercial, and talk way too fast about something stupid, and then laugh and smile way too big. I am going to make you feel ackward while watching tv! I love my job!”

  60. The older woman who works at Julia’s Empanada’s in CH. Incredibly, unbelievably slow, and two occasions has basically refused to give me the empanada I pointed to (I don’t like the semi-burned ones). ‘What’s the difference??’ she asks disdainfully, with no intention of subbing out the one already in the bag. The difference is that THAT is the one I want, and you’ll give it the f— to me. I’ve stormed out of there, granted my kid had been crying in the car, so maybe I was primed… ;). Also, the person in front of me was asking what was good, oh what’s in that one, hm I just… don’t… know…

  61. I love dollar coins. And $2 bills.

  62. To those routinely frustrated with inefficiency, I highly recommend this year-old WaPo article by Hank Stuever on the concept of “Clears”: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/01/25/AR2008012500971.html. The words “Clear” and “Unclear” have since become integral to my vocabulary.


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