Your chance to predict the future!

by Eric Nuzum May 25, 2011 at 11:00 am 46 Comments

The photo above is a house across the street from me. As you can see, a few weeks ago the dude who delivers the Post got momentarily carried away and pitched a copy up on the porch roof.

The gentleman who owns and lives in this house is in his 90s, but still gets around well…but not well enough that he would ever notice this or do anything about it or care.

The newspaper is wrapped in a plastic bag, nice and neat, and hasn’t moved an inch since the morning it was lobed up there. In other words, it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon on its own.

Now, based only on the information given to you, what is your guess for how long that newspaper will stay on that porch roof? When you offer your prediction in the comments, you must also share the circumstances under which the newspaper will be removed.

For example: “Prediction: Two years from now a large migratory bird will mistake it for a delicious salmon and swoop down, consuming the newspaper whole.”

And just to save some of you the energy spent typing out your hater nincompoopery, we (and our neighbors) help him out with stuff all the time (lawn, grocery carrying, snow removal, etc). If this were a serious issue, I would be the first of several offering to help take it down.

But this isn’t a serious issue–which is why it is fun to think of how and when it will eventually come down.

Okay, your turn. Go.

  • Jeff Snicker

    It will float off during the next heavy rainstorm, within the next week. That’s as specific as I can get.

  • textdoc

    Maybe you or a neighbor could try to get it off the roof?

    It’s not a serious issue now… but it could become one if it rolls into the gutter and clogs it.

    • Anon

      It only took till the 2nd comment for someone to say this. Well Done!!! Never underestimate the commentariat’s ability to be self righteous.

      • inogo

        You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • Kalorini


    When does PoP come back again?

    • me


      This is scraping the bottom of the half-assedly-filled barrel.


      • super_b

        Yeah lets get back to the *real* issues of world-traveling t-shirts, lawn art, and cat antics.

        • me

          Better than a newspaper on a neighbor’s roof. I never said to get back to the “real issues”- the other posts are at least entertaining.

          • GDopplerXT

            For me this is way more entertaining than looking at pictures of people’s pets. Talk about “who cares”….

          • LisaT

            Say wha? My dogs are damn cute. In fact, I’m bringing them over later to pee on your carpet. :p

    • houseintherear

      ugh this is just like the last Lord of Petworth reign and me no likey.

    • Jeff Snicker

      He told me at the wedding that he’s not coming back until you stop commenting here.

    • Back in the day

      I dig this post. It’s funny.

  • Nincompoop

    Holy Christ! Who cares?

  • JayCee

    I guess you’re betting that your 90-year-old neighbor doesn’t go on the Interwebz.

  • PG

    No predictions here, but it reminds me of the roof pizza from Breaking Bad.

  • Bloom Res

    Within one month, he will notice it from the window and then climb through the window and get it!

  • Buffy Wilson

    Growing up, we had a similar bet going on regarding the neighbors across the street whose teenage son threw a Jack O Lantern on the roof one November 1. Took about a year for the thing to completely disintegrate. I say the plastic ends up in your bird’s nest. Otherwise it outlives us all.

  • watson

    i do believe this is my house. i’m not sure how i feel about everyone knowing that there is a newspaper on my roof.

  • anonymous

    I predict… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • super_b

    The newspaper is actually a lost scroll, and will disappear via the rapture. Oh wait, nm..

  • Everything will be pretty much OK.

    • caballero

      Right on.

  • andy

    pretty obvious. it’ll be there until the estate of the owner of house wants to sell and then it will be removed.

  • anon

    Next big storm, it gets blown into the street. Lots of people will look at it and do nothing. It will eventually be picked up by one of those evil gentrifiers.

  • Emmaleigh504

    I predict it’s their until the gentleman passes on to his great reward and someone new moves in.

  • dchs

    LOP, didn’t you learn anything this week? The paper will be gone within the week, once your elderly neighbor reads this, and tells you to come on over after work, in your flattering bike shorts, to climb out the window and get the paper. He’s too nice to mention it, but he will expect that you bring along a liquid apology, but he isn’t too nice to explicitly request that you leave your adorable dog at home.

  • Dante

    I like posts like this.

    There is a deflated balloon that has sat on the ledge beneath the ceiling of the Chevy Chase Pavilion since February 14, 2002.

    Let’s check back in when the newspaper has sat there for 9+ years.


    Newspapers belong in the front yard – not the porch roof, not the sidewalk and not in my back yard.

    • anti-NIMBY


  • notnice

    Lord, I think you went too far again. You admitted that your neighbors already found one post about their foreclosed house. Why single out another neighbor for the same treatment? Please just go over there and get the newspaper down and stop using him for your amusement.

    • NotHere

      Singled out?! What is the big deal.. I really doubt anybody will care.. or provide any treatment about having a stupid newspaper in the porch

  • Anon

    It will come down during hte “real” rapture in October!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been doing the same experiment regarding 3 empty Heineken bottles in a cardboard six pack in my able-bodied neighbor’s front planter.

    We’re coming up on 9 months, I think.

    Some people blow my mind.

  • notnice

    Interesting, I criticized LOP and he removed my post.

    • Nincompoop

      He learns well from PoP.

    • Actually, I didn’t. A certain number of posts end up–for often unexplained reasons–in a holding bin. Yours was there. Perhaps you shouldn’t include links trying to sell Viagra–that might help them get through on their own.

      • notnice

        I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not. If there was spam, please let me know so I can tell the IT people.

        • I was joking about the Viagra, but your comment did get parked in the “to be approved” area. Most comments that end there have a certain word or a link in them, but in the 3 days I’ve been minded PoP, there have been dozens of them with nothing apparently wrong with them. So if you folks ever comment and it seems to disappear–that is probably what is going on. Rather safe than sorry, I guess.

          • LisaT

            That happened to a couple of my posts, and I thought maybe PoP had left LoP with a list of people to look out for. :p

  • MichelleRD

    January 2012, during the “Snowstorm of the Century” helpful neighbors will come to shovel snow off of porch roof after someone else’s collapses down the street.

  • Loud Rican

    Ha Ha! “hater nincompoopery”…WORD! Oh wait, was I just hating right now?

    I a few months when it starts to get real windy.

  • PetHeights

    OMG! Some of the posters on POP are sooooo F-ing annoying!! I feel my eyes starting to cross as I’m reading these angry and hyper-critical comments. I usually like reading this blog (both POP and LOP postings), but seriously- I’m beginning to feel like a LOT of people need more bran in their lives. PLEASE RELAX!!!

  • BP

    I was a paperboy and did this to one of my customers accidentally. The newspaper stayed on their roof for 2 years. They rarely paid me, though, so I was happy about it.

  • herewegoagain

    My nieghbor across the alley had a full black trashbag left on his roof after some work. (I told him, but he can’t see it and did nothing.) I watched it decay for at least three years. Now the bag is gone, but the pile of trash that had been in the bag is still there. Post bags aren’t so durable. I bet 3 months, and it will just decay. If I am right can I have a t-shirt?

  • LP

Subscribe to our mailing list