Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

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Photo by PoPville flickr user Erin

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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169 Comment

  • rant: online dating. not easy at all. omg. all they seem to want is my money. ‘if you pay, you can actually communicate with this cute person who you are interested in…if you dont pay, too bad, too sad….”
    rave: it is friday!

  • Question: Should I be worried/stressed that I don’t have specific plans for my future? I mean, I want good health, loving and fulfilling relationships, children, and a job that I enjoy more than I hate that lets me save for the future while enjoying life. Should there be more to this? What am I missing?

    • No! You are actually probably better off than those of us who do have specific plans and then they don’t pan out. You do you, that’s what matter most.

      • Thanks! I’m doing this new thing where I actually assess life and decisions by whether I actually “want” them, and it’s great. But it’s also really damn hard. I’ve cried more in the last 9 months than I have in the last 3 years.

      • Accountering

        I agree! Three years ago, I had no clue I would be where I am now, but this reality has wildly exceeded my plans as of then. Just keep moving forward every day!

    • What more do you need? I have the same goals with some specific Fed agencies in mind, but no definitive timeframe on anything.
      Most people don’t have a grand plan, but some do, and both are fine. Relax!

    • topscallop

      Sounds like a good roadmap to me! Can you get more specific within those broader goals? For example if you want good health, do you have an exercise plan or goals like running some greater distance than you have in the past, or learning a new sport? If you are looking to meet someone, getting on dating apps or meeting more people through social events or joining clubs or groups? Saving up for a specific trip or an adventure you’ve always wanted to take? If you’re not in the job you enjoy more than you hate, how could you find that opportunity? Etc. etc.

      • This seems right. The things you articulated are goals, not plans. Now just develop very general plans/steps to reach each of those goals, and you’ll be all set.

    • Bizzinger, am I remembering correctly that you’re the one with the significant other who will be posted abroad a year or so from now?

      • You do remember correctly. That’s part of this, but I also realized recently that I haven’t been actively pushing toward what I want and making plans to get there. It’s time to get what I love, not just love what i get.

    • I apparently have been lucky, but I’ve been winging it for 30-odd years now and it’s worked out pretty well. To some extent, if you work hard and are a good person, I think you get opportunities and things will fall into place. Keep in mind that life unfolds slowly and can be frustrating — I got my current job after five frustrating years in my previous job, and my lovely, smart, kind children (who are taking me out for Thai food tonight for father’s day) spent a few years as expensive jerks (my parents’ revenge). And my life hasn’t been relentless bliss: I’ve lost out on a couple of jobs I wanted badly, spent some time in jobs I disliked, my wife died way too young and I — as the country music boys sing — have been on the wrong end of a gun. But shit happens to the planners, too. And, on balance, I’m in a very good place — better than I probably deserve. Some people need/want a little more structure, but I was never good at that. Be kind, be curious and be smart. Remember that what goes around comes around and the annoying executive you have to do a time-consuming “favor” for may end up hiring you some day and the demanding boss might be your girlfriend somewhere down the line, so bring your A game. And cross your fingers.

    • NO – you should not be worried! Universal human question for all time. For those of us in the privileged world, it mostly sorts out.

      Is this the real life?
      Is this just fantasy?
      Caught in a landslide,
      No escape from reality.

      Open your eyes,
      Look up to the skies and see,
      I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
      Because I’m easy come, easy go,
      Little high, little low,
      Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me.

  • Rant: Partner is sick; baby was up every 1-2 hours with a cough; I woke up feeling like I swallowed glass. A plague upon my house.
    Rave: Very grateful for the pitcher of cold brew coffee that I made this weekend. Drinking ALL the coffee.
    Rave: The best baby smiles on the walk to daycyare. How did I give birth to a morning person?
    Rave: It is Friday. Lots of rest and baby snuggles have to happen this weekend.

    • Additional rant: Annoying upstairs neighbors playing loud, crappy techno music for hours last night. At least it ended around ten o’clock.

      • Bear

        Hopefully your days with the shitty upstairs neighbor are numbered…

      • Tell them nicely you hear their music, and while you want them to enjoy it, please limit hours, and level if possible. It may be hard to believe, but they may not know. In my last apartment, I asked two different tenants if they ever heard me (and my music), and if so, to let me know. They both said no. I admittedly played it loud, but assumed they must not hear it through the concrete after asking. New tenant moves in, and I forgot to extend the same courtesy. One day she had enough, and starting yelling at me about my loud, crappy music. I truly felt horrible – but would not accept apologies and was nasty for another year until she moved.

        • We have had issues with the upstairs neighbors playing music loudly or playing electric keyboard at all hours (use headphones after 10pm for gods sake!). I have tried everything: writing a well-worded, polite note, knocking on their door and asking them to turn it down, calling the front desk, sending emails to our management company, and banging on the ceiling. Nothing really works because I don’t think they really care about being neighborly.

        • And I do agree with you that a polite conversation is ALWAYS the starting point to resolve most conflicts. But that hasn’t worked in this case.

      • One of our upstairs neighbors walks (well, STOMPS) on their heels. Everywhere. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Do you NOT REALIZE that there are people below you? My nerves were already shot last night and that just made it 100 times worse!

        • HaileUnlikely

          I used to have a roommate who did that. Water in a glass on the kitchen table would shake when he walked. I do not understand how it did not hurt his feet. When he first moved in, the first time I heard him walking around barefoot, I literally thought that he was hammering something in his bedroom. Thinking he was assembling a piece of IKEA furniture or something, I came over and asked him if he needed help with anything. He just looked confused. And then he took a couple of steps (THUD THUD), and then in a comical reversal of roles, I became the confused one. He weighted about 140 pounds max – I do not understand how it was even possible for him to spike his heels into the hardwood floor so forcefully.

          • hammers

            My young female roommate once (former dancer) I swear had feet made of lead.

          • Loud walkers! It’s definitely a thing. I had the same issue w/ an upstairs neighbor. At first, I thought that they must be very large men, or perhaps that they were wrestling up there! When I finally saw them and they were just normal to small guys, I was perplexed. I also had a female roommate who was a loud walker. I think it has more to do w/ how they distribute their weight than how much they weigh or even how hard they step. The lady I’ve seen do it isn’t exactly stomping, but she walks with, I guess “purpose” is the right word? Like she’s marching into battle, or onstage to perform a musical number. I have weak ankles as it is, so I don’t understand how or why they do this!

          • HaileUnlikely

            Yes, it is definitely a thing. It has to do with ankle dorsiflexion (having the foot pointing upward when it lands, so the entirety of the impact is borne by a very small surface area at the back of the heel)

        • Yup – I have an upstairs neighbor who does this, and I used to have a roommate that did it, too. They are both tiny women – maybe it’s a compensation thing? I walk very “purposefully” when I’m walking down the street to get somewhere, but not at home. I live in a tiny condo and my upstairs neighbor has the same floorplan – I honestly don’t know how she gets up enough momentum in three steps to make that much noise!

      • hammers

        oh my gosh with the loud techno!! I was CAMPING a few weeks ago, and it was not the best campground- we were WAYY to close to our neighbors. But one night, the couple next to us was playing like 6 hours of techno. Loud. Around 1 am I asked them to stop. There is some descrepancy in my story and my bf’s– I thing I said “Can you turn down the Techno…please” bf thinks I said “Turn of the F-ing TECHNO.” who knows!

  • Pablo Raw

    Rave: Back from Cuba, had the most amazing time.
    Rave: Learned a lot from the people and have tons of photos
    Ravent: The end of the Revolution (in my opinion). I hope most of the Cuban population gets the benefits of the change, but based on what I’ve seen before, I doubt it.
    Rave: No access to the internet

    • yay! Welcome back! Can’t wait to hear all about it and see more pics!

    • Funny thing, Pablo, you came up as a suggested friend for me on FB! You and I have mutual friends in the Roller Derby world (as well as LBP). Small world! And I hope that doesn’t sound too stalkerish lol

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: I have the post vacation blues.
    Rave: going to New Orleans for the weekend in 1 week.

  • That One Guy

    Rave: breakfast with niece.
    Rant: dump truck pulled in front of me on 395 HOV and proceeded to pepper me with road gravel and other dump related debris. Thank you for the unneeded windshield nicks.
    Rant: stumbled on the way up the stairs. Only my ego and finger tips are injured.

  • Bear

    Rave: Taking next Friday off for a self care day. Haircut, massage, nails, etc – so needed.
    Rant: I’ve had my eye on a cabin for sale in Shenandoah for months. Price just dropped, but I don’t think I can convince the husband that it’s a good investment. I know it’s probably too much to take on with a baby on the way, but we could scrape together a 10% down payment and we’d only have to rent it out for like 6 nights a month to cover expenses. I would so love to have a place to escape to in the mountains once a month.
    Rave: Maybe if the price drops again I can talk him into it. 🙂

    • SouthwestDC

      I’m envious of the flex schedule folks who get every other Friday off. If I got even one self care day a year I’d be thrilled! It’s harder to get that stuff scheduled for evenings and weekends, and all my PTO goes toward vacations.

    • Accountering

      Andie and I have looked at these in the past. They seem somewhat like a slam dunk – there are a lot of weddings and other things out in that area, and basically nowhere cool to stay. I bet you would do well. Perhaps find another couple you all like and split the investment?

      • Bear

        I don’t think that we know of anyone who would go in on it with us. But honestly we don’t really need it, as long as we can come up with the down payment. Now, finding a good property manager – that’s a much harder thing. If that were easy to do I’d be pushing a lot harder. We just don’t have time to self-manage a property that’s a couple hours away.

    • Andie302

      The real estate market out there is NOT like here. (I owned 20 acres with my ex and he STILL hasn’t been able to unload it, but he’s priced too high.) Run numbers, see what price would make sense for you, and offer it. If they say no, then no harm no foul. They might say yes, especially if they are dropping the price!

      • Bear

        It’s been on the market for about 9 months and they’ve only dropped the price twice – and each time, it hasn’t been by a whole lot. But you’re right – worth a shot! (If I can convince my husband)

        • Honestly, it’s likely cheaper to just rent that same cabin when you actually use it than to buy it as a rental investment. And it’s definitely much less time consuming that managing that rental (even with a property mgmt company).
          .
          Signed, Been There

    • Vacation rentals are way more difficult now since Expedia bought Homeaway & VRBO. But if you have a great property in an excellent location (2 hours or less drive from DC) and are willing to manage it yourselves, you can do well. First thing is to check the comps.

  • Rave: Finally got a few “proof of life” pictures from my parents, they’re partying with grizzly bears in Denali!
    Rant: Feel like I’m on the verge of a migraine. I can smell everything. Like, everything. It’s part of the weird amplification of various senses I get pre-migraine. Ugh.
    Rave: Friday!
    Rant: Soooo much to do, feeling overwhelmed
    Rant: I saw three ants marching across my living room floor last night. So now my new mission for the weekend is to figure out where they came from and stop them from coming that way every again. Grrrr!

    • Will you play Dave Matthews Band as you search? 😉

      • lolllll. DMB is playing tomorrow at Jiffy Lube Live!

        • Thought about going since they’re taking a break in 2017 and its been a couple years since I have seen them. Then I remembered how bad Jiffy Lube sucks.

      • Ok, I am going to embarrass myself but I literally had no clue what you were talking about. I am probably only familiar with about 2 or 3 DMB songs, because I was a nerd as a teenager (and well, still am), and was more into classical music than Top 40 or anything else playing on the radio at the time!

        • LOL!! Their break-through hit was “Ants Marching” I’m sure if you heard it you would recognize it!

          • I might recognize it in the “oh yeah, I think I heard this song years ago” kind of way. But they all kind of sound the same to me, anyway…..

    • I Dont Get It

      Partying like grizzly bears sounds frightening! 😉

      • Partying WITH grizzly bears! They’re not (as far as I know) catching salmon in their jaws and ripping trees to shreds. 😉

        • After seeing “The Revenant,” I would not want to get anywhere near a grizzly bear.

        • I worked in Denali one summer. Another employee was walking on the road one evening – encountered a Sow & cubs – he ran away and climbed up a tree – she caught his boot in her mouth and absolutely shredded it. All he could talk about was how bad her breath smelled.

  • Rave: Last day of school!
    Rant: Cried, like ugly cried, dropping the kids at school today. I am so sad to be leaving such an amazing school community.

  • Rant: I really hate living with people. I’m so repulsed by the kitchen sink/sponge situation that I have taken to washing my dishes in my private bathroom.
    Rant: Generally cranky today.
    Rant: Skipped yesterday’s run because I was tired and now feel guilty. I think I am going to focus on 5Ks and 10Ks after I check this marathon off the bucket list. I much prefer speed work and shorter distances.
    Rant: Still trying to choose a wedding photographer.

    • SouthwestDC

      Shared kitchen sink situations are the worst. Any food containers/utensils I use at work get taken home to be washed because I can’t stand to wash them in the communal kitchen. Sponges are nasty even if you take the time to rinse and wring them properly, and a lot of people don’t even bother to do that.

    • Let me know if you need help w/the wedding photographer. We hired one, he’s got very interesting ideas and his concepts are different than other photographers we talked to.

      • Thanks! I’m glad you found one that you’re excited to work with. Our wedding will be in NY, which seems to have a high population of flaky wedding vendors in general.

    • I once had a roommate who, I kid you not, tried to use shampoo in the dishwasher (or at least I’m 90% sure she did). For some weird reason, she insisted on using the “delay start” feature on the dishwasher, so sometimes I’d be home, and it would just start running at random times. Well, one day, she was not home, and my friends and I were hanging out in the living room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something white, but my brain didn’t quite register what it was. Next thing you know, to our horror, there is soapy, foamy water everywhere. I lept up and turned off the dishwasher and we were trying to figure out what the hell happened. Curiously, her bottle of shampoo was on the kitchen counter. I had thought that was odd earlier, but just shrugged it off. When she came home later, she swore that she hadn’t put shampoo in the dishwasher, but rather that she’d purchased a new environmentally friendly brand of dish soap, and hadn’t realized that it wasn’t the kind you use in dishwashers. Because that is very dumb to begin with, I wasn’t sure what to believe. I could never prove it, but I still suspect that she, for whatever reason, put shampoo in the dishwasher.

      • Wow. What a disaster. It is even worse when roommates won’t own their mistakes like using shampoo in the dishwasher. I hope there wasn’t too much damage to the apartment!

    • Vacation rentals are way more difficult now since Expedia bought Homeaway & VRBO. But if you have a great property in an excellent location (2 hours or less drive from DC) and are willing to manage it yourselves, you can do well. First thing is to check the comps.

    • Kukki Bakemono

      Yea, I prefer speedwork, as well. Track days are my favorite days. I also get to wear my obnoxiously bright orange race flats on the track so like, double bonus.
      .
      Also, I agree with you on the kitchen mess issues when living with people. The kitchen and bathroom are the two places where any mess/filth has a zero tolerance policy with me. I live alone now and while my apartment is very small, at least it’s always clean.

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave(ish): We are severely understaffed, and the powers-that-be have given us a bit of breathing room for our fall deadlines.
    Rant: I am trying to work on a project for which I don’t have access to much of the necessary data.

  • As I’m packing my stuff and moving out this weekend, I can’t help but get a little emotional. First place I ever bought, on my own, didn’t have any assistance from family so it felt like a huge life achievement. I was very proud of that, b/c I’ve gotten envious of friends who have had help from their folks, and here I was struggling. Great area in SW, right before the Wharf opens up which would have been nice to walk to. I think when I first bought, I strictly saw this as a business move. Live in it for 5 years, sell it and get something bigger somewhere else but lately I’ve realized how good I had it with the building amenities, the location to work, metro, etc. Ah well, closing one chapter and starting a new one. Life.

  • Rave: Surprise trip to Seattle in a week and a half. The Other Mrs. Rabbit has to be there for work. I get to go along and play.
    Rant: Endless family drama is getting old. I know everyone complains to me because I’m usually the most apathetic/logical about everything but I’d rather they tell it to a decent therapist at this point.
    Rave: We’re contemplating buying an investment property (condo). This simultaneously makes me feel grateful that we’re in that kind of position financially and old. Really old.

  • Rant: Coworker asked me to order food for her yesterday. I’m the office admin, okay, fine, but don’t TELL me to do it, ASK ME. Also, don’t CALL ME THREE TIMES (the last time being 9 p.m.) b/c the order was messed up. Next time, you tell me at least 48 hours in advance, you have a nice spreadsheet of what you want, and you DON’T CALL ME AFTER HOURS. You can suck it. Was so fired up that I did two shots of rum last night. I NEVER do shots.

    Rave to that Rant: Boss is on my side.

    Rave(ish): Decided to get married at my home church in Iowa instead of here. Much, much cheaper…but now planning a wedding from afar! Thankfully, I have my (retired) mother on the ground. 🙂

    Rave: While on vacation, stayed at fiance’s sister’s house, which directly backs up to the Mississippi River! We biked down empty country roads to get ice cream, looked at the open night sky, breathed in the country air. It was wonderful!

    • Where in Iowa? Just curious because I spent a lot of time there a few election cycles ago and think fondly of the state. Plus, Iowans are great.

  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: I think my physical therapist, like my *other* therapist, is already bored with me.
    Rave: But I didn’t care yesterday since I went to Bub and Pop’s afterwards for the first time. The hype is real, just ignore Guy Fieri! The best!

  • hammers

    rant: therapy is really freaking hard. sexism aside, (because women do this to me too), but stop telling me to smile. stop telling me I look upset. stop asking me what the look on my face is for (boss). You reminding me that I’m not doing very well hiding the depression I’m getting treatment for is making me feel worse.
    Query: How do the young folks get (legally, pay for) digital music these days? I’ve bought amazon in the past, but you need to use the amazon player to access. ITunes is out, as their propriatary nonesnese drives me up the wall. I have a samsung android phone, but I want it to be cross platform and want to be able to put all my music in one place. I don’t use my computer enough for CD transfers to be a great option. Am I doomed?

    • I don’t know if I count as a young folk (33 yo), but I just stream everything now.

      • That One Guy

        Stream if you’re not constrained by your data plan. If you are then think about Spotify premium or some similar app where you can take songs “offline.”

        • Streaming doesn’t work if you are somewhere without service, like the Metro or an airplane.

          • Good point. I don’t feel the need to listen to music everywhere I go, so it’s usually just at home or at work where there’s wifi (or long car rides where I just sacrifice some of my data plan).

        • I also use Spotify Premium, and That One Guy’s point about being able to have playlists “offline” is totally right. If you’re constrained by your data plan or would be using it on the metro or somewhere without good service, you just select “available offline” when you’re connected to wifi and it’ll store all of that for you through the app.

    • You don’t need Amazon player to access digital music files purchased from Amazon. You can just download the mp3s and play them however you normally play mp3s.

      • hammers

        I believe that is not true if you buy the whole album, which I always do. Also I don’t want to stream, I want to own :-/

        • I’m 99% sure it is true, whether you buy a single song or a whole album. I’ve never not been able to download purchased mp3s from Amazon. Go to your music library in Amazon, go to “purchased” and you should be able to check the boxes next to your songs and then click the “download” button. Note that they try to get you to install their app to do so, but there’s actually a link that let’s you just save them to your computer them normal way.

    • Wait… is your _therapist_ telling you to smile??

    • Just tell them it is your resting bitch face – and they should get used to it!

      • hammers

        I don’t have resting bitch face. I have resting I’m-going-to-jump face. I have to actively work against it.

        • hammers! Oh my god I just had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at that! I mean, I guess I can picture that but whenever I’ve see you, you’re laughing and smiling!

  • Rave: Another babywearing community I’m in yesterday completely revised their membership rules, laying out an explicitly a procedure for managing conflicts, denying people membership, and appealing decisions to denying people membership. It’s a good step in the right direction and one that I think would have completely prevented the situation I faced. I can’t help but wonder if the other group’s bad policies prompted this.
    Rant: I’m still not sure why I care about this so much.
    FYI, it’s fascinating how being “banned” from a Facebook group works. The group is completely invisible to me. It reminds me a bit of the White Christmas episode of “Black Mirror.” Which really needs to come back soon, btw.

    • How many babywearing communities are there? Do people continue in the online babywearing forums even after their kids have become too big to wear?
      .
      (Can you wear both twins at the same time?)

      • There is a surprisingly huge babywearing community online and especially on Facebook. I think I mentioned before that the group that I left/that booted me has about 67,000 members. A lot of it is people just trying to figure out to how to use their carriers and wraps without hurting their children or themselves. Another good chunk of it is the buy/sell/trade marketplace I mentioned. There are a lot of groups because there are a lot of special interest pages, such as local meetups and brand-specific pages. It’s easy to become a member of, like, 20 active groups online.
        .
        There are also groups centered more on babywearing activism of various kinds. That’s the part of the community that I find most difficult to wrap my head around. On the one hand, it raises a bunch of interesting questions about society and parenting and the role of babywearing in those questions. But it can also bring up some of the challenging issues that any activist group will have — differences in opinion, sometimes bordering on or veering deeply into hostility.
        .
        And how these activist groups’ questions ultimately relate to babywearing is a tricky thing. I mean, I can wear my baby without any of that challenge or debate, so do I really need to debate with a stranger about the nefariousness of a particular wrap company’s practices of cultural appropriation? Or debate whether someone’s position on a subject constitutes tone policing? I appreciate that some people are passionate about these subjects and I find the discussions interesting and thought-provoking at times. But also a bit exhausting and right now I am pretty much always exhausted anyway.

        • Baby wearing activism? lol… that’s a new one. For all the parenting choices I have made, baby wearing seemed the least controversial. Then again, people get super judgy about it as soon as kids can walk. I do recall being told once on a 70 bus with youngest anonachild on my back in a ring sling, while standing and holding on to the middle one who was maybe 4, and keeping an eye on the oldest who was 7 at the time that the youngest was “too old for that.” umm. eff you, lady. I used to get a lot of positive encouragement at his largely-Ethiopian daycare though.
          But activism? Really? Do we have to get to that level over every parenting choice possible?

          • “But activism? Really? Do we have to get to that level over every parenting choice possible?” Apparently, yes. I think it’s fairly ludicrous, of course — I have enough on my plate with just the critiques of my own mother, let alone the criticisms of strangers — but apparently everything is fair game..
            .
            Also, I am with you in thinking that people’s objections to babywearing when children can walk are strange and unnecessary. And likely from someone who didn’t have their own children to wrangle on public transportation.

          • I had a friend many years ago who was pretty strongly in the camp of parents should wear their baby 100% of the time. It was bad for the baby to be put down, better to be next to the body, I can’t really remember all of the arguments she had. But she thought parents that didn’t wear their baby all of the time were bad parents and definitely tried to evangelize her position to other expecting/new parents.

          • Yeah — evangelizing is annoying, no matter what the topic.

        • I really don’t understand the babywearing activism. Wear or wear not. Where is the issue with activism on the issue?

          And I agree with you: generally to tired to care about many things. Liberating in a way though. It boils life down to the essentials that really matter.

          • “Where is the issue with activism on the issue?”

            Oy – clearly I am tired as well. That was an incoherent sentence.

          • I don’t really understand it either, and am definitely not the person to try to explain it! But i *think* the logic is something like, “we are moms and if we want to see change in the world, we have to advance change in all of our communities.” But, speaking from where I sit, it does seem like a pretty tenuous connection, especially when the expectation is that every person in that community share that position. It just seems to set an unreasonably high bar for entry into the discussion.

      • Oh, and I think some people do stay in the community for long after they have their own babies to wear. These are primarily babywearing educators (you can become certified) or people who are involved in carrier/wrap businesses.
        .
        And yes, there are ways to wear both babies at once!

  • Rant: Tired/groggy, as per usual.
    Rave: My kittycat seemed back to normal Wednesday night and Thursday. (I’d posted here Wednesday afternoon that I was worried about her because of some weird things she was doing on Tuesday.)
    Rave: Almost the weekend.

  • Well, sometimes you have to prioritize one thing over the other, as sometimes you can’t have everything you want, at least not at the same time. Some prioritize education, at the expense of having a home (loans). Then, prioritizing interesting work, can’t swing children (if you are a woman, you need to start planning for this long before you think you do, says one who wanted them and couldn’t swing it.) Some prioritize interesting work, at the expense of having any security. For some, it all works out (starting out with family money, or family to pay for eduction at least, or to later help with housing and childcare needs certainly helps with this). Some take your attitude and it all works out fine. Others find it just doesn’t work over time to get you to the things you want, all at once, or any of them actually. Good luck to you – it s completely a crap shoot.

  • It’s been a long time, so I’m going to make my semi-regular plea to the various “anons” out there to pick screen names 🙂 Settle in and stay a while! And help us know if we’re responding to one anon or six different ones! And help us figure out that the same person continues to make thoughtful or funny or nice comments!

    • That One Guy

      The use of anons reminds me is Tale of Two Cities and the Jacques.

    • Some of us like our writings to be considered on their own merits, and not lumped together with other things we’ve written, that you may or may not agree with. It’s a sort of “judge this on its merits, independent of what I’ve written before.” It sets up for conflicts sometimes between personalities, when there’s no reason for them to be there.
      .
      When you pick a screen name, there can be a lot or baggage brought to interpreting what you write, which is basically prejudice, or pre-judging. I realize many don’t feel that way. But some of us do. I’m not trying to get to know you, really, I’m just trying to add something to the conversation the someone might find useful, irregardless of what I’ve contributed before, whether the same people (or anyone) found that useful.

      • Totally your choice 🙂 And I get what you’re saying!

      • I think it’s a cop out and is part of the toxic culture of “online anonymity” that allows people to bully others. In using a distinguishable name, you’re allowing yourself to be held to some level of accountability, however small it may be. For the occasional question, sure, I get it. But if you want to participate in a community, have the courage to put a name to your postins, even if it’s a crazy made-up one that no one will ever guess or understand. Signed, LBP

        • Like there isn’t a lot of bullying going on with the people that do have screen names.

        • I’ve never bullied anyone on here, I’m not a bully. Bullying has no relation to whether one uses a screen name, or not. I have BEEN bullied on here, by daily posters with screen names that are popular with others. It’s like an elementary school playground on here. (I really don’t understand why this is tolerated, as it is supposed to be in violation of the rules). Think of my using an anon as partly a defense against bullying.

          • Yes, exactly. I think Anons or infrequent commenters tend to get bullied more often, because no one wants to pick on the popular kids, but the bullying can come from anyone (FWIW LittleBluePenguin I’ve never seen you be anything but friendly and pleasant).

          • Absolutely spot on. Many of the regular commenters get a lot more leeway than is given to other commenters. And one might argue that this is fair enough, but it does also mean that they have more room to be unpleasant than other commenters.

          • Well, I guess I can appreciate that, I guess just based on my own observations, anons I’ve seen get bullied or ganged up on have usually posted something that was so shocking/awful/stupid as to warrant the response, which is why, I suppose, I associate many “anon” labels as cowardly masks to say nasty things. But you’re right, you can say awful and hurtful things with a screen name, too. I think for me it just helps me see a poster in a larger context, where the good – and bad – things they’ve posted help to create a picture of a complex, 3-dimensional person out there, like what we actually are. I apologize if I’ve bullied or offended in my response – Basically, I wouldn’t say anything online that I wouldn’t be willing to say to your face. Whether that makes me nuts is up for debate 🙂

          • I Dont Get It

            I haven’t really noticed bullying here–at least not compared to some of the other sites I follow. There are a few folks here who are blunt sometimes. If I’ve been bullied here I’m probably too slow to realize it. 🙂

          • hammers

            I don’t see a lot of “bullying” or aggression in the RRRs but I have when I read comments on other posts. Especially ones on sensitive topics e.g. g entrification, biking, crime. I don’t even usually read through those comments because they can be so bitter and nasty.

          • I haven’t noticed bullying here, but people do tend to pile on if they see somebody making what they perceive to be a terrible mistake. I’ m sure it’s not fun to be on the receiving end of that, but would put it in the category of “strong suggestions from strangers” rather than “bullying.”

          • Idgi- easy enough to miss
            My fave: being told I’ll make a bad mother because I think you should buy a soda if the bathroom is only for customers rather than complaining to the village.
            Miserable ppl aren’t changing anything for me here, but I certainly understand why someone wants to remain anonymous.
            For some, popville has become part of their social lives. The rest of us are here to comment and get into….Not get down with the “community”.

          • It’s bullying if you’re the type of person that genuinely strives to be considerate to others. When multiple people accuse you of being a selfish jerk because you did something the community doesn’t approve of it makes you feel like a horrible person.

          • “It’s bullying if you’re the type of person that genuinely strives to be considerate to others. When multiple people accuse you of being a selfish jerk because you did something the community doesn’t approve of it makes you feel like a horrible person.” It’s hard to talk about this without looking at the specific example, so it’s very possible there was bullying and I missed it. There are definitely some issues that are more “hot button” than others and tend to bring out stronger language, and in those cases, I’d say the line between “strong suggestions from strangers” and bullying can be pretty fuzzy.
            .
            Honestly, I didn’t mean to open a huge Pandora’s box here as much as I wanted to welcome lurkers to become less lurk-y. All regulars here started off as newbies and lurkers, and getting a regular screenname is part of that process. But not everyone wants that, and that’s cool too.
            .
            I appreciate people can have legitimate reasons to stay anonymous. So feel free to take my comment as another suggestion from a stranger that can either be taken seriously or completely ignored.

          • The instance that comes to mind for me is the one where the OP called 911 about a woman who was lying on the ground outside the Shaw Library, and she was roundly castigated for not having stayed until the police/ambulance showed up.
            .
            I (and a few others) posted to say we thought that people were being overly harsh on the OP.
            .
            The story even made it to the Washington Post. (Which made me wonder “What’s next? The Post summarizing: “Today on PoPville, someone complained about her neighbor… and then the neighbor showed up on the thread two hours later and the fur began to fly”?? I can see how the OP for that would’ve felt ganged up upon.

        • In addition to what the above anons just said, this site is pretty heavily moderated. Nothing that comes anywhere close to real bullying is going to be up here for more than 2.5 seconds.

          • You don’t see the kind of bullying that would drive someone to suicide, but there have been a lot of instances where I walked away feeling shitty about myself for a while. Typical bullying for this site would be multiple commenters attacking someone for violating (what I consider to be) an uptight interpretation of proper urban environment behavior.

          • Wondering what an (allegedly) “uptight interpretation of proper urban environment behavior” would be.

          • This anon, who is not the Anon or anon who posted just above this, was bullied when I used a screen name. As I never write nasty, shocking or bullying things, so I don’t get bullied as an anon, I stay anon.

          • Middle anon: going against the grain on any topic that regular commentators care about.
            I.e. Mothers, babies, crime, etc.
            If you deviate from the collective, the regs stew none to happy about it.

          • That’s not true. at all.
            .
            And the comments of mine that are frequently moderated away aren’t nasty in any way, just things the pop disgares with, I guess, which I find really odd, actually.

      • So you don’t want to “own up” to other posts you have written? And do you not realize that you can make up any name you want for any posting? Also – do you understand that once someone reads a post, they are not “pre-judging” – they are basing their response on what has been said. Intelligent discourse requires judging. You look at the facts, interpret them as you will and state your own opinion. Then based on interpretation of the facts, others offer their opinion. Hopefully, intelligent discourse follows. “Pre-judging” or “prejudice” is an opinion based on nothing.

        • “do you not realize…?” We Anons rest our collective case re: regulars tending to be obnoxious bullies.

        • you missed the point entirely – responding to a comment based partly on knowing that a commenter made a comment on a different subject last week, IS pre-judging. If you don’t know it the same commenter, then you look at and interpret a comment based only on what it says.
          .
          Not that I expect you to get it this time, either.

      • +1. All of this is spot on. Mostly I got tired of having things I meant simply and literally being “interpreted”, so now I post anonymously.

      • Same here. I used to use a screen name, but on a couple occasions textdoc brought up something from ages ago and it freaked me out that people here know so much about me. Someone I know IRL that’s paying attention could piece it all together and realize it’s me.

        • hammers

          that’s my main issue too. it happened before.

        • FYI, Dan is really nice. If you ever think someone has posted information about you that makes you uncomfortable, you can ask him to remove it.

          • Also, Textdoc is really nice and always feels bad if she unintentionally puts someone on the spot.

      • palisades

        Well now I guess I’m gonna lump all “anons” into one group. I’ve got you all pegged.

      • hammers

        Good point about not trying to get to know people but just add 2 cents, I hadn’t thought of it quite like that (at least not for RRR–other posts I often post anon for this or something too). I made a screen name because I actually am trying to get to know people, and it feels refreshing to be able to talk about things I wouldn’t IRL; and if people pre-judge, so be it. I understand the urge to be anon though– but for conversations with multiple anons and multiple replies, it would certainly help to delineate! For example- at Starbucks, they don’t care what name is on the cup, as long as they have a name. “Dave” used once is no less anonymous than “anon.”

        • Well… I have to admit I also enjoy the confusion/chaos that ensues when multiples of us are commenting. 🙂

          • I Dont Get It

            There’s also the mystery of the 2 Carolines.

          • Pretty sure there are more than two Carolines. Someone in real life asked me if I’d written some comments on a recent thread, because they were written by a Caroline with an avatar that looked like one of my pictures. But I’ve also seen a Caroline with no avatar, and another one with a different avatar. I’ve started using my dog’s name which is less common.

          • Emmaleigh504

            You are evil (I mean that in the most loving of ways 😉 ).

        • Big +1 to “for conversations with multiple anons and multiple replies, it would certainly help to delineate!” and to this being a good place to talk about things you might not IRL. Having some name, any name, is a way to refer to previous posts. And you can always switch back and forth between posting under some name, any name and being anonymous. I’m guessing almost everyone here does.

        • hammers

          oh also, using hammers makes me stop and think before I say something mean or thoughtless since it will be tied to my persona

          • +1! see, I feel like it helps with holding yourself to a higher standard. None of us are perfect, but I feel like holding myself to my “name” helps me keep myself accountable. And I’m not going to go to the effort to create an anon account unless I was being actively stalked or needed to ask a question that I would never, ever want tied to anything about me.

      • That One Guy

        Just to troll I’m going to make the blanket statement that all the anons are uncreative and are part of something shady. I’m not going to what specifically, you can figure it out, but definitely something shady.

    • I’m a bit surprised to realize that the anonomi replying to this don’t seem to be (mostly) new people, but rather past frequent posters who are now trying to go under the radar. Interesting. Now I think I have some guesses about who you are. (Yikes? I mean, I guess you can only be -so- anonymous here?)

    • Emmaleigh504

      I’d like to piggy-back on to this and ask people with names to get avatars. Avatars make things more fun.

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