Disturbing Update on Lost Ferret, Abu

A number of readers have emailed me asking for updates on the lost Ferret in Adams Morgan, Abu. While not a worst case scenario, there is a disturbing update:

“I do have some infuriating news. As I kind of expected, someone has decided Abu is so cute they want to keep him.

I got a call last night from a woman with a MD ferret rescue group, who had just seen my lost ferret posting on one of their message boards. They were doing a ferret event at the Petco in Owings Mill, MD on Saturday when a guy came in with a ferret matching Abu’s description. He said that he worked down in DC, and found this ferret Friday afternoon/evening when he was wrapping up for the day. He was kind of vague to the ferret people’s question about tracking down the owner, but he apparently told a Petco worker that he had no intention of giving back “Guido” (as he has re-named Abu). His reasoning is that if I’m so irresponsible that I can’t protect my ferret from getting lost, then I don’t deserve him!

This man obviously doesn’t entertain the thought that Abu got out because my new roommate stupidly left a window open, not realizing any curious ferret would push through the screen. This man doesn’t know that I saved Abu from a completely caged life with a homeless woman, and nursed him back from malnutrition and muscle atrophy.

The Petco and ferret people regrettably didn’t get the man’s name or info, but they’re rallying to my cause now that they know Abu’s story, and doing what they can to track him down. What they do know: He is a white male in his 50s with salt and pepper hair. They describe him as “about three feet wide,” and average height. He lives in Pikesville, MD, but was down in our hood for a short-term work gig. They’re not sure what he does exactly, but got the impression it was construction or some kind of outdoorsy skilled labor.

So if you have any readers who employed or saw a crew (with one particularly large middle-aged man) working on their house/building/street last Friday, I’d be very interested in any information that would help track this guy down. I’ll be driving to Pikesville today to paper that whole town with flyers.

If you can give a shout out to the Baltimore Ferret Club, that would be great. They’re organizing to help track him down.

This will all get sorted out and Abu will come home. To quote the Big Lebowski again: “This injustice will not stand, man!””

74 Comment

  • 3 feet wide? really?

    • ah

      “I want my ferret back, ferretback, ferretback.”

      Fat Bastard, indeed.

    • You should really get your facts correct before you post, “The three feet wide guy TRIED to find the Pet owner for over three hours before taking “Abu” with him. Abu was found running the streets….”Let me ask you this? Would if have been better if he ignored your pet only to get killed in the streets???????? And for you information he took very good care of your pet! And I see that you were offering a reward???? Did you offer him anything for his “Good Deed?” I think not….What a shame, hope the next time Abu gets out he is as lucky to have someone stop and help your pet! Shame on you for posting hearsay information that you got second hand!!!!

      • This was an investigation in progress, so I had to put out any information I received as I got it–and in the form I got it–in hopes it would spark a memory in someone. Walking around my neighborhood on Friday asking about a “three-foot wide” construction worker with a ferret did spark a memory–from someone who remembered telling the guy that the ferret’s owner lived nearby and always walked Abu outside on a leash.

        Had the man made a real effort to find Abu’s home, rather than taking him away from me, then I would have not hesitated to give him a fat reward plus endless gratitude. I’m extremely grateful he cared for him so well this past week, but that doesn’t help the trauma both of us endured by the unnecessary separation.

        In the hours he has been home, Abu won’t let me leave him alone, even to go in the other room. Even if he is asleep, he wakes up to follow me. And when he is sleep, he has been having nightmares. Caring for a ferret is more than food and water. If this man had found a toddler who had wandered away from home, would he have kidnapped him?

        • Me and my Co-workers stood there for three hours looking for “The Owner”. NOBODY ever approached us to give us any information about the owner! That is a outright lie! The fact is MANY people walked by him ignoring him! Would it have been better to have left him there to fend for himself in the streets againest traffic, dogs, cats or other predators? Or perhaps I should have put up a flyer “advertising him” so that the same drunks that called you would have called me as well. Perhaps “ABU’s trama began when he fell out a two story window. Its amazing that you spend time and effort blaming me for your carelessness. Perhaps you should spend more time screening your house guests or roomates, whichever it really is. If I really wanted to steal your ferret or keep him for myself, why would I tell everyone in all the pet stores that I entered? Or better yet seek out a “Ferret Club” and pass on the news. They neglected to inform you that I drove back home to bring your ferret up to the “club event” to see if anyone recognized him, and no-one did….Basically it does’nt matter what was done or not by me you will find fault no matter what. If anyone has any further questions about what really happened I would be more than happy to speak with them in person about the subject

          • So now you spent THREE hours looking for his home? When I first talked to you on the phone it was “at least an hour,” then when we met you said it was “an hour or two.” I’m sorry to say I have to view your current comment with suspicion. If you really left your work site by 1:30, that was about an hour-an-a-half after I kissed Abu goodbye before heading out to do errands.

            None of that changes the fact that you took an obviously well-fed and groomed stray animal home with you, did not call animal control or the Humane society to report it, and informed everyone from Petco to the BFCers that you would refuse to return Abu because his owner was “irresponsible” in letting him get loose. Like I said yesterday and in my comment above, I am very grateful to you for saving him from any outside dangers and caring for him while you had him. That does not under any circumstances justify your decision to try and keep another person’s pet.

            And if you think it requires unusual carelessness to lose a ferret, please do some more research before adopting another one. They are relentless Houdinis.

            So hold onto my phone number. When you lose your first one, I will do what I can to help you find him. After the traumatic experience of the past week, I’m now an expert on everyone you need to call in this area.

  • Typical that it’s some dumb Baltimore piece of trash.

  • Good luck getting Abu back! Hopefully when he learns the owner is looking for Abu he’ll hand him over. Fingers crossed for Abu’s return!

  • El pueblo unido jamás será vencido!!!!

  • Pikesville isn’t the same as Baltimore. No more than Chevy Chase is the same as DC.

    Respectfully, there’s no need to trash talk Baltimore, buddy! Not every New Yorker is an asshole, not every DC resident is a flaming political junkie, and not every person who lives in LA is a vapid Barbie doll. I’m just sayin’– I wouldn’t want people to paint us DC’ers with one huge, unflattering brush.

    That being said, I think that anyone, from anywhere, who basically steals another person’s pet is terrible.

  • RIP Abu. Long live Guido.

  • Seriously, what kind of sociopathic pervert knowingly STEALS another person’s pet?

    Return Abu NOW!

  • Hey, Jason

    How’d you like it if someone stole the thing you love most?


    Cocksucker. WTF is wrong with you?

    • Prudence –

      A Indonesian waitress stole my heart on a business trip in 1997. I’ve been looking for it ever seen. Thanks for your concern.

  • How dreadful! That makes me so angry! I really hope you get Abu back. I’m rooting for you!

  • there is construction going on (past month at least) on a house on adams mill right next to the park (one block north of the intersection of columbia/calvert/18th). if i were a ferret, i would head to the park–especialy since it drops into rock creek and the play area with kids always has food droppings. i havent seen anyone 3ft wide but there is definately a crew in there working starting around 7 am. they are gone by when i get home at 6. good luck

    • The area has been flyer’d with pics of Abu and an offer of a cash reward, so if the dude works in the area, he’ll have seen them.

      Again, what kind of asshole does this shit?

  • You should call the police and report that your property has been stolen. If Petco wants to help, they can help with the investigation. Maybe he bought something on credit card and they can track down his address. I suspect he’d rather give the ferret up than face criminal theft charges.

  • Ferrets make my ass look big.

    Seriously, have you ever seen a supermodel with a ferret? No, it’s always the little dog.

    This 3 feet wide comment is really going to discourage ferret ownership among the urban beautiful people.

    But, I can’t wait for the next episode of Law & Order: Ferret Squad.

  • I feel for you man. I’d take out a hit if anyone stole my dog or my cat.

  • Any MA students need a thesis topic? I can’t help wondering if ferret owners, on average, make Big Lebowski references more or less often than the general populace.

  • Perhaps it isn’t the best strategy to disparage and insult the person with whom you wish to negotiate for the return of a beloved pet.

    He’s probably not a regular PoP reader, but guess what – everything written here goes everywhere. Google “ferret lost dc” and guess what comes up #1?

    If I were this man’s friend, relative, co-worker – even someone who knew and didn’t like him that much, I sure as hell wouldn’t go out of my way to help you out now! We’d probably be in the backyard around an oilcan fire grilling the damn thing right now.

  • So… did you steal a ferret from a homeless woman, or what?

    • No, she was going into emergency government housing, which doesn’t accept pets, so I took it rather than have him sent to a shelter.

  • it’s actually “this aggression will not stand, man.”

    when you find the guy are you going to smash in his neighbor’s windshield while screaming “do you see what happens, larry? this is what happens when you F a stranger’s ferret in the A!”

  • I think it’s a Pomeranian

  • So sorry, good luck to you. By law you must turn found property into the authorities, hopefully you’ll find find where he lives and use the law as leverage to get Abu back.

  • I think I saw Abu tied up outside a Whole Foods!

  • RIP Abu. Long live Jason!

    I bet when that ferret lived with that homeless chick she never let him run loose and break thru window screens.

  • Also, let’s not forget – let’s *not* forget, Dude – that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that aint legal either.

    can’t believe no one latched onto the quote yet.

    Maybe I lack empathy, but I have little sympathy for you here. Your pet ran off.

    ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your ferret gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking ferret.’

    My advise is don’t keep pets that hide shiny things and actively work to leave the owners home permanently through any opening possible. My advise is in a similar vain for people that want monkeys as pets. Don’t keep a pet who’s attack instinct is to maul the groin, throat and ocular cavities and digits.

    Im just curious, but if you do locate the villain from the “world of warcraft” southpark episode and he is indeed harboring the subject ferret, how do you intend to prove it is yours? Will it answer to a name? Will you hire a ferret expert? will you call the cops?

    Get a gold fish or a pomeranian, not a snake rat. Yeah, I went there.

    On the other hand, what the f do I know about a ferret? Set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be…until it tries to leave again upon the first sign of daylight.

    Good luck

    • ah

      That quote was spent in the first post about the lost ferret.

    • people don’t like you.

    • What the fuck is wrong with you? Where does it say I looked for an hour and quit? Anyone who lives near me knows how ubiquitous are the lost Abu posters. The first couple of days I went out wandering the street looking every hour or two, even over night. And still I have been going out every morning at 5-6 am, since that’s his most common feeding time.

      Stick a jumbo-sized pewter pomeranian up your ass. Yeah, I went there.

  • My sympathy for your anguish, but why on earth would you let an animal run wild outside of a proper cage when the windows of your dwelling did not have screens? Did this alleged roomate also remove the window screen? If not, then you’ve been quiet negligent in providing your wild pet a proper home. Additionaly, if the escaped ferret had bitten anyone outside your dwelling, you would bear full legal responsibilty, not your alleged roomate.
    You are also now subject to legal scrutiny from the District of Columbia animal control authorities, as it is illegal to harbor a ferret within the District of Columbia, as you have admitted to in your blog entries.

    • Actually, Mr Benway, my windows do have screens. The new (and soon-to-be-ex) roommate forgot or didn’t understand when I told her Abu could push his way between the screen and window, then climb up over the top of the screen. That’s why I told her to keep the windows closed unless she was sitting on the couch. But that’s too much info for a blogger.

      And Abu is a domesticated ferret, not a wild animal. I trained Abu to not bite. I also trained him to walk on a leash, sit, turn around in circles, and roll over.

      Despite what random websites report, it is not illegal to have a ferret as a pet in DC. I called animal control to ask about licensing when I got Abu, but they said only proof of shots was required.

      And animal control was notified when Abu went missing, and have now been notified that someone apparently has him with no intent on giving him back. I’m supposed to keep their office informed of the developments, in case there’s a way they can intervene to help bring Abu home.


  • i wish you luck in getting Abu back.

  • i know a great ferret detective. Some call him good, I call him great.

  • If it is legal in MD to have a ferret. You can file a complaint in MD. I bet the Petco has some video footage from their CCTVs that the police could use to locate the 3 ft. wide “rescuer” of lost ferrets.

    You dont have to file criminal charges against him, you can offer him a replacement ferret in return for Abu.

    PS: I would love to meet Abu – the most famous DC ferret, if you ever get him back!

  • Say what you must, but you have to admit he is kinda cute.

    Good luck. I’m sure it will work out.

  • Ignore the trolls, Christina. And much luck to you in getting Abu back very soon.

  • As someone said above me, When you contact the person I would offer them $120 bucks and tell them they can do what they want with the money including picking their own ferret out at the nearest Petco (which is I believe $99 so they would even be plus $20 for the trouble) and they get the bonus of knowing they were a good samaritan and returned a loved lost pet.

  • I don’t want to seem insensitive to this whole situation, but has it occurred to anybody just how insane and unlikely this story seems? A guy loses his ferret and it just so happens to be picked up by this other guy who just so happens to take it to a ferret event where someone just so happens to have seen the first guy’s flyers? And let’s not forget the ferret was lost right near Rock Creek Park which is ferret heaven.

    Obviously I’m not saying the man who lost his ferret is lying, but I definitely think it’s possible that he’s being lied to. This whole story is built upon so many coincidences piled atop eachother, I’m just kind of surprised that everyone’s assuming it’s true. Please really think through how this whole thing would’ve had to play out for it to be true.

    PS– Owings Mill is over an hour’s drive from DC.

    • Why does everyone think I’m a guy? After so many pranks over the past week, I’m definitely concerned this report may not be for real. But these people supposedly encountered this Pikesville man with a newly-found ferret BEFORE they saw my notice, which I’ve had posted on all ferret-related notice boards on the Eastern seaboard.

  • Christina’s own story isn’t adding up. The first story about the roommate: “[M]y new roommate stupidly left a window open, not realizing any curious ferret would push through the screen.” In response to criticism, her story changes, and she now claims she specifically (and elaborately) told the roommate about the danger: “I told her Abu could push his way between the screen and window, then climb up over the top of the screen. That’s why I told her to keep the windows closed unless she was sitting on the couch.” I’d like to hear from the roommate.

    As a prosecutor, in evaluating the truthfulness of a person, we always looked for the little inconsistencies (lies) because people generally can’t keep their stories straight.

    I’m not buying the “homeless woman” story either. If she exists, I assumes she wants her ferret back after she irons out her “emergency government housing” issue.

    If this is your ferret, I hope you get it back. In the meantime, stop responding to bloggers with untruths. It doesn’t help your cause.

    • This isn’t a court of law!! The first posting was a SUMMARY of what happened – no reason for the OP to go into all the details here.

      And no one asked you to “buy” the homeless woman story. It’s not your story.

      Christina, I hope you can ignore the trolls and people that seem to have misplaced their heart.

      • straight up. it’s amazing that people can be so judgmental about others that they’ve never even met.

  • i would just like to say that i was with the man who found abu and right before we got him he was getting raedy to get bit by a pit bull so you dumb dc people need to get the facts straight and he did try to find the owner it not like we work in dc every day and if any of you dc people whan to come up to baltimore and see what kind of trash we are bring it on

  • As I indicated in my post, I hope she gets her ferret back if it is hers. Dear “No Lies,” your “this isn’t a court of law” defense is non-responsive. I did not hear an explanation for the obvious inconsistent statements, and credibility is also important for a journalist such as the person who lost the ferret. It is also important for someone who simply takes to a blog to criticize. The second statement was not merely more information, but flatly inconsistent information.

    Perhaps more importantly, what did she do to determine if this “homeless” person was the proper owner? As I understand it, purchasing a ferret is not high on the list for homeless people. I suspect that this homeless person also found the ferret — he already has established that he is an escape artist, as are most ferrets. Did she post notices after taking a ferret from a “homeless” person?

    • Wow, so true

    • Dear “She lied,” I have apparently offended you at some point. Are you an e-boyfriend, perhaps? Still trying to pretend I lied when I confessed my feelings that you had a profoundly unsatisfying small penis?

      I’m not actually a journalist, but am a writer, so you mentioning a somewhat accurate aspect of my hidden identity makes me think you know me as more than just Abu’s owner. So if you have a problem with me, you should have the balls to face me with your ire. It’s bad enough that complete strangers feel emboldened by the anonymity of blog comments to lob cruel accusations.

      I’ll be happy to explain what you think are inconsistencies, and will even put you in touch with the roommate if you’d like. Just email PoP under your real identity and ask that he forward the message to me.

    • I call shenanigans on “She Lied”. There’s no way on God’s green earth this person is a prosecutor, prob just some retired nut, because a real prosecutor would have an enormous caseload to deal with, as well as a private life, and certainly not enough time to go looking for “inconsistencies” in a *lost ferret story*.

    • Um, not a “journalist who lost her ferret.” How in the world did you come to that conclusion?

      Someone writes to PoP = journalist? Really? If we reply to a posting, are we also journalists?

  • It’s my understanding that the ferret has been returned to the owner…

  • Abu is back! I will save the details of his adventure for PoP to post Monday.

    • i think we’ve had enough. great you got abu back. now move on.

      • Listen up, you don’t speak for everyone. I’d like to know what happened to the lil fella.

        • enquiring minds wanna know i guess.

          • This has sort of turned into PoPville’s version of DCist’s Molly the ‘lost’ vizla of last year, with the odd addition of the a somewhat offensive/defensive owner. I think PoP should run with the story – everyone loves a happy ending, but we still all slow down for the wrecks on the interstate to see if we can catch a glimpse of some carnage.

  • A Ferret Event (Found Poetry)

    Abu – Guido
    a completely caged life with a homeless woman,

    malnutrition and muscle atrophy.
    “about three feet wide,”

    a “three-foot wide” construction worker with a ferret did

    spark a memory

    And when he is sleep, he has been having nightmares.

    a toddler –
    would he have kidnapped him?

    THREE hours?
    “at least an hour,”
    “an hour or two.”
    an hour-an-a-half after I kissed

    Abu goodbye.

    They are relentless Houdinis.
    I will do what I can to help you find him.

    how’d you like it if someone stole the three-foot wide thing you love most?

    i’m now an expert on everyone you need to call in this area

    subject to legal scrutiny.


    I trained Abu to not bite.

    to walk on a leash
    turn around in circles and roll over and locate the 3 ft. wide “rescuer.”

    she specifically (and elaborately) told the roommate about the danger:

    He was getting raedy to get bit by a pit bull!!!!!

    Still trying to pretend I lied when I confessed my feelings that you had a profoundly unsatisfying small penis?

    I call shenanigans

    Abu is back!

  • Happy to hear Abu the Ferret has returned home!

    captcha = complex romeos (how true…)

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