“I am offering a $25 and/or several adult beverages on our front porch as a reward for the safe return of this hydrangea.”

“Dear PoPville,

WANTED: Plant Theft Caught on Camera. I need to preface this post by saying that this is a bit tongue in cheek. There are genuinely horrendous crimes committed across this city and nation daily, especially against our neighbors, friends, and family members that are people of color. This is a petty and ridiculous crime, but this man deserves some mild ridicule from his community for what he did.

Neighbors, even our plants are not safe these days:

At 2:53 AM on Wednesday, this man, approximately 30 years old, beard, wearing a polo shirt, baseball hat, and shorts that say, “I don’t care how I look, even when stealing plants,” walked through our gate and ripped a hydrangea out of the ground in our front yard. The bluish/purple hydrangea, weighing in about 15-20lbs (root ball and all), was last seen being dragged westbound on T ST NW.

Pictures are attached, but the videos are way better:

Part 1
Part 2

I am offering a $25 and/or several adult beverages on our front porch as a reward for the safe return of this hydrangea.

Furthermore, to the man that stole this plant:
(1) You are an asshole.
(2) You better water that plant daily. It’s needy.
(3) You could have just asked for the name of nursery?
(4) If you return the plant and apologize, I will take this post down.”