There Was No Way I Could Not Post This. NO WAY. Sorry in advance.

Photo by PoPville flickr user angela n.

From neighborhood listserv: "A pooper in the neighborhood" & yes, it is exactly as titled. Some dude on Capitol Hill who is "between 30-45, athletic looking (maybe a runner?) and somewhat handsome" has been pooping in alleys and leaving dead rats next to it. (cc: @PoPville)

— Rachel Fishman (@higheredrachel) April 25, 2018

Right? Right. Anyway, I had my sources deep in the Capitol Hill listserves do some digging and they found from Moms on the Hill (MOTH):

“We seem to have a mentally unstable man in our neighborhood who is defecating and leaving dead rats near his dumps. He seems to be doing this for show too – like where people will see. He has been seen defecating in the west alley, on Elliott St NE on a Saturday at noon (behind the firehouse apartments). He sometimes leaves rats (perfectly laid out) near his poop.

Description: White Caucasian Male 6 – 6’2 feet tall, between 30-45, athletic looking (maybe a runner?) and somewhat handsome – a regular blend in with the crowd guy. Was once seen in an orange puffy jacket but tends to discard clothing as he goes and has left outer wear behind.

Will you keep your eyes open for this description and please call the police! Feel free to share this with other neighbors – you can also call 911 (we talked to the substation and got the following contacts).

Here are the three emails we sent to:

Joshua Martinez [email protected]
Sargent Leonard Bell [email protected]
Lt. Damion Taylor [email protected]”

Of course it’s quite possible

This is totally a cat.

— Julie K Dang (@juliekdang) April 26, 2018

But in all seriousness, this is good advice too:

“You could also call the mobile crisis services instead of the police.
Details below

“* – Mental Health: Mobile Crisis Services
(202) 673-9300
every day 9:00 AM – 1:00 AM Teams respond to adults throughout the District
experiencing a psychiatric crisis. They provide crisis stabilization
including dispensing medication, assessing for voluntary and involuntary
hospitalizations, and link to other services such as crisis beds and
substance abuse detoxification. The teams work with family members to help
with follow up. *”