Today’s Rental is “the perfect haven for the quintessential DC professionals trying to “Jon Snow the world”

This rental is located at 1128 Florida Ave, NE (and is a reader request.) The Craigslist ad says:

“$1400 / 1br – 500ft2 – Cozy 1-BD/1-BTH Basement Apt. for $1400 (OBO) per Month + Uts.

For Rent: Wickedly charming and cozy 1 bd/1 bth basement apartment for $1400 per month or your best offer (OBO) + utilities available for March/April 2018 move-in….the perfect haven for the quintessential DC professionals trying to “Jon Snow the world” (I’m sure you know something) or “Littlefinger it over” (forgive me…a risky pun if ever there was one). At approximately 500 sq ft, it’s cozy enough for both you and your ambitions, naked or not. Come and go as you please with private front and rear entrance/exit to dodge haters and secretly liaise with well…liaisons. Be assured that your friends and associates are secretly seething with cloaked jealousy when they see the unit’s granite countertops, hardwood floors, and stylish exposed brick.

Let’em know that you’re “on the come up” and your social stock is nothing if not on the rise. Tweet it to the masses! Put it on the Gram! Or tease with the Snap! Entertain Mr. or Ms. “Right” or Mr. or Ms. “Tonight” somewhere along the BOOMING H St. Corridor. And where, might you ask, is this perspective “Fortress of Solitude”, “Haven of Happiness”, or “Nook of Naughtiness”? The apartment is located only 2 blocks north of the HOT and continually developing H St. Corridor, 1 block from Gallaudet University, and a short (approximately a 10-15 minutes) walk from the NOMA/Gallaudet Metro Station. H St. has developed a gritty chic reputation that allows it to “hold its own” when merriment makers choose where to spend their hard earned paper. However, being 2 blocks away from the action gives you that extra bit of “professional distance” needed for privacy and comfort. When you need a little break from the recently opened Whole Foods and your vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, taste-free diet, hit up the original “& Pizza” for some mouthwatering, “made in yo face!” pizza! Hit up Horace and Dickie’s for some soulful seafood deliciousness. Go to Little Italy via A. Litteri…just 6 blocks away. When you’re ready to get back on your health grind, there are crossfit gyms, yoga studios, and raw food eateries close by.

Seriously…
The apartment is perfect for NO DRAMA, Easy-going, busy professionals who have a sense of humor, appreciate living in the city, and understand all the joys and adventures that come with city life. I’m looking for at least a 1-year lease at $1400 or your best offer. Given I’ll be living in the unit directly above, it’s important that we appreciate and respect one another. If interested, please e-mail me and tell me a bit about yourself. If both parties are comfortable with moving forward, we can schedule a viewing. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you. Until than…

Property Amenities:
1. Private front and rear entrances.
2. Hardwood Floors
3. Washer-Dryer Combo Unit (European Washer-Dryer)
4. Basement apartment is completely separate from upstairs unit.
5. Basement apartment is separately metered; you pay utilities (water and
electricity).
6. Stylish exposed brick wall.
7. The apartment is equipped with an active security system and exterior motion sensitive security lighting.
8. Free security system services
9. Modern kitchen
10. Smoke-free Environment (No smoking)
11. Pets? Let’s talk about them.

Neighborhood Amenities:
1. 5 min walk to H Street Corridor
2. 10-15 min walk to the NOMA / Gallaudet Metro Station
3. New Whole Foods on H Street
4. Wydown Coffeeshop, Starbucks, Po’Boy Jim’s, Granvile Moore’s, & Pizza, Taylor Gourmet, CAVA, Farmbird.
5. Solid State Books Bookstore opening
6. Old City Crossfit, CrossFit DC
7. Multiple bus stops close by
8. Multiple Capital Bike-share Stations close by
9. Close to Harris Teeter, Giant
10. 6 blocks to the always exciting Union Market
11. New Yoga Studio literally just down the block
12. New Trader Joe’s scheduled to open sometimes in 2018
13. H Street Street Car
14. Close to Union Station
15. Street Parking

Property Stipulations/Requirements:
1. $1400 per month (OBO) + utilities.
2. Avalable for March/April 2018 Move-In
3. First month’s rent and Security Deposit is due at lease signing
4. Lease is for at least one year
5. Non-refundable $75 application fee
6. Applicants must provide documentation of income and references from at least 2 previous landlords (the more landlord references, the better)

A Note to Couples:
Hi. Thanks in advance for considering my apartment and congradulations on any recent decisions to move in together or just continuing to be together. That being said, I’ve only had 2 couples live in the space since I bought the house. During those two times, the rent was $1650.00 and $80.00 for water utilities (the spaces are metered separately for electricity). The space is only 500 square feet. So it’s been great for individuals, but I’d honestly be concerned it might be a bit too cramped for couples. Just something to consider if you’re really interested.”