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“This Private Paradise awaits you”

by Prince Of Petworth February 16, 2016 at 3:55 pm 52 Comments


Thanks to a reader for sending this “Private Paradise”:

“I know it’s across the border and not in DC but this is worth a look.”

The listing says:

“This Private Paradise awaits you. Get the best of both worlds, living in the country and the city. wooded lot, fresh air, deck. Features kitchen, vaulted ceilings, 2 fireplaces, large deck, bedrooms, basement. Short walk to metro. photos are outdated”

Outdated or not – this is amazing. Have a look at the rest of the photos here.

This 3 bed/2.5 bath is going for $649,000.

  • INDC

    Has April Fools come early? This is joke right?

  • sproc

    That made me nauseous, but a lot less guilty about not making the bed or leaving a pan or two in the sink until I get home. Wouldn’t the county condemn this? If it’s real I’d assume you’re essentially buying the lot.

  • jdre

    I really must get the number of the company they used for staging.

    • Mamasan

      OK, that made me laugh, despite the fact that these photos made me itchy all over…

  • ssd

    649 for this? WTF! Must be some kind of surrealist art project.

  • K

    the last line of the listing: “photos are outdated.” huh? what? why? i have so many questions.

    • CS

      Seriously, so do I. Here’s a description from a Redfin agent who looked at the property. “This home is set back in a wooded area on .65 acres. It has a log cabin look with a large open basement with walk outs. Large updated kitchen with granite counter tops, SS appliances and soft close cabinets.”
      Why would the agent post these other pictures if it has been remodeled? Clearly the potential buyer for a property that looks like the pictures in the listing would be entirely different than one looking for a large updated kitchen with granite countertops.

      • anon


  • jcm

    It makes me sad to think of someone living in that house. I don’t understand why the realtor posted that picture at all.

  • tke98

    I’m so disturbed and confused. Would it not have been better to post a photo of the exterior? I feel like these photos are a breach of the selling agent’s fiduciary duty.

  • Clueless

    This is an abomination.

  • Lisa

    Poor person who lived like this. The RE Agency is looking for buzz in using these pictures that look like they were taken not to show any highlights of the house but to submit to an episode of Hoarders. It’s really demeaning and mocking to the person who lived here and their family; hoarding is a mental illness.

    • petworther

      I can’t imagine how any buzz this could create for a real estate agent/agency could be good.

      • TakomaMeg

        As someone listing my condo for sale this weekend across the border in takoma DC, I just choked. I guess I didn’t actually have to be on hands and knees scrubbing floors to impress in real estate photos.

  • navyard

    Pretty mean. Photos obviously are meant to embarrass someone. If they were meant to show the bones of the house, they wouldn’t have focused on the trash and boxes and damage.
    From the look and brands on of the cardboard boxes, someone has been hoarding for a long time. It’s a mental illness – not something to poke fun of. I feel very sad for the people who lived with this, and for any relatives who have to help clear it away.

    • LittleBluePenguin

      +1 – this is just mean-spirited.

    • hma

      Seriously. Hoarding is a sign of mental illness. Not something you want to make fun of.

    • Anon

      As someone who had to clean her mother’s apartment after years of hoarding, I appreciate the empathy. Thankfully it was not nearly as bad as this. This is definitely a mental illness, and not at all amusing.

  • BostonToShaw

    This is just sad. Clearly the previous owner had some mental issues and to list their home with the photos showing it in that state is disrespectful. Is this really doing anything to improve its chances of being sold? State that its being sold ‘as is’ and that it ‘needs work’…what else do people need to hear to flock to this place. The location is pretty great — right over the DC border and minutes from 410.

  • n-1

    Yeah, no it’s not. Not even close. You’re probably off by at least an order of magnitude (one decimal place).

    The photos were included, I presume, to emphasize that this is a tear-down. I don’t think there was any intention to demean someone clearly afflicted with a mental (hoarding) issue. But this is a tear-down and nothing more.

  • wdc

    Wow, tasteless. Why would anyone post those? Trying for the viral effect, I guess. Mocking the mentally ill is pretty low.
    I mean, I love the bad real estate photos tumblr as much as anyone, but this is not that.

    • wdc

      If anyone is bored at work and in the mood to deliver a lecture, the agent’s phone number is in the listing.

      • textdoc

        I’m not in the habit of confronting strangers, but I am tempted to do this.

  • petworther

    Comments on the state of the house aside, what a strange plot. It’s located on the interior of the block surrounded by woods. Could be cool.

  • Dan Parnes

    A house recently sold on my block that has previously been featured on this site on ‘house of the day.’ i know for a fact the guy living there had no running water for years. Yes, years. The place was also a disaster inside. The RE agent posted candid pics and the place sold in a week for near ask (900k+) to a developer who has already stationed a dumpster outside and started gutting.

    Point is that if its in a decent area it really doesn’t matter what it looks like inside.

  • 0.66 acres would be huge by most city lot standards.

    • HaileUnlikely

      Yes. To make this easy with nice round numbers: most lots in DC are much less than 100 feet wide. Lets say yours is 100 feet wide, though. To be 0.66 acres, it would have to go back 280 feet. A lot that is 100 feet x 280 feet is about 0.66 acres.

  • anonymous

    .66 acres is almost 29,000 square feet. If you have that much land in Cohi, then your property is worth millions.

  • They’ve got some nice trees on their property…

  • emuhawk

    From the property details on Redfin: “Condition: Renovated/Remodled, Restored, Shows Well”

    So when they say that the photos are outdated, they actually mean that these are the before pictures from a total teardown/remodel? I can’t imagine why they would use any of these if the home has been redone. Actually, I can’t imagine why they would use any of these regardless. But especially if the home is remodeled and actually does show well, there’s no excuse for uploading these photos.

  • Anon

    It was originally listed for $825,00?! Do houses in this area really sell for that much, even if they’re not terrifying like this one?

    • HaileUnlikely

      $825K might be a little high, but in the $700s is not out of the ordinary for this area.

    • Philippe Lecheval

      People will pay a premium for vastly superior schools, more reliable services and less crime.

  • ThePriceIsWrong

    According to Redfin, it sold at the end of 2013 for $279,000. If those pictures are accurate, and they want to sell it 2 years later for almost $400k more without doing any work to it, then they are all delusional.

    Also, it says that the price was dropped and that it was originally listed for $779k. I know the realtor REALLY REALLY wants to get the listing, but whoever the realtor is needs to learn to manage the clients expectations. This is an ugly house, not a lottery ticket!

    • anon

      that probably reflects the transfer of the house to a trust just before or after someone passed away

    • anon

      never mind, I just read the comments below

  • k

    I love this. Where do I sign?

  • HaileUnlikely

    Although I very much doubt this is the case, the most innocent explanation possible would be that the realtor had a way to automatically link to the photos from the last time that the house was on the market (in 2013, when it sold for <$300K), and simply did so, without even looking at them.

    • This actually makes the most sense to me, aside from the fact that the realtor would have to be supremely lazy to take that approach. At the very least, take a few photos with your phone, right?

      • HaileUnlikely

        Also, I note that sale records indicate that the seller in 2013 was a couple, and the buyer was an LLC. Given statements on redfin from other agents who have seen the property, I suspect that the property no longer looks like this. Whatever the case, I do not understand how the current owner (again, an LLC) has allowed these photos to stay up for this long.

  • flieswithhoney

    Dan, please consider removing this post. While the photos are publicly available, more likely than not these pictures are a source of public humiliation for the owner and the owner’s family.

    • Agreed. +1 for removing this post. I saw this on JUTP and was hoping I wouldn’t see it again here. Also, using the word “amazing” is in poor taste. I love ya, Dan, but I don’t think this is for posting.

      • textdoc

        What’s JUTP? (I googled, but the results don’t fit.) Something something Takoma Park?

        • ddddd

          Just Up the Pike. Just looked for the post on there but didn’t see it…maybe he deleted it?

    • textdoc

      I have to agree with this. The person who lived (lives?) here is to be pitied, not ridiculed.

  • The King Ad-Hoc

    Truth in advertising?

    Eliminates anyone who isn’t willing to gut the place and renovate fully.

  • anon

    I don’t see this as a way of humiliating anyone. I still can’t figure out why the photos are up IF the place is actually renovated inside. However, I see the photos as more of a way to show buyers/developers what condition the place is in (you can see pics of what looks like water damage on ceilings, busted hvac etc), not as a way to embarrass anyone. Still, I can’t figure out why they would be up if in fact the place has already been updated.

  • Dan

    Slide the decimal point. You’ve got 0.06 acres.

    I’ve got 0.10 acres on a corner lot in Petworth, and that’s about as big as lots get around here. It’s as big or bigger than those opulent old Mt. Pleasant mansions.

  • wheee


    Not that this explains why the simply terrible “before” photos were included, but other listings for this property include “after’ photos showing at least part of the renovation.

    • V

      thank you! the after pics are much better.

      • textdoc

        Agreed — the “after” pics are much better.
        With the “before” photos, it’s hard even to figure out which room is which and what sizes they might be.
        I wonder if the stag head from the “after” photos conveys?

  • V

    this is super sad to me… it’s an episode of harders where they coudn’t convince grandma to clean out the house or face eviction… this is horrible. it looks like what i imagine my home looking like before i bought it… convinced it was a hoarder house and the bank cleared out the former family’s belongings… this is very sad.


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