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  • Ehscribe

    Thankfully, Santa isn’t on the red line, so Christmas will be on time this year.

  • cas

    After unsuccessfully attempting to convince the Metrorail police that his 9 reindeer were actually ‘service animals,’ Santa stopped to work on plan B.

  • Bruno

    Farm Bill uncertanty leads to the closure of the Claus Reindeer Ranch.

  • amber

    Little did Zjohn know he was about to be the latest victim of an iPhone theft. Santa has to fill those stockings somehow…

  • John

    I don’t celebrate traditional Christmas, I celebrate wmatamas. You probably haven’t hear about it, it’s pretty underground. Instead of Christmas carols, we just sing along to the muffled sound of music from strangers’ headphones being turned up too high, the tree lights always have switch problems, and there’s no food allowed.

  • Anonymous

    Santa knows you’re listening to 2 Live Crew while downloading porn on your work phone and stealing exam books from your law school. Trust me, he knows.

  • DM

    Christmas was abruptly cancelled when Santa was detained by Metro security for eating milk and cookies.

  • gotryit

    Just last week I was riding around boomtown in a yellow convertible, thinking I’m cool. Then some #$@% blogger outs me on the internet, and now I’m stuck on the green line of all places.

  • jeezpf

    Santa returned home, dejected after the disappointing lack of snow fall on the year’s first snow day.

  • G.

    Santa is quietly contemplating how much coal he’s going to need to deliver to Metro on Christmas.

  • DCChillyman

    Santa just arrived for the drop. Reply once you receive the money and I’ll leave the plans.

  • J James

    Even the North Pole was hit by sequestration.

  • Fairmont

    If Metro keeps taking this long, people won’t get presents until *next* Christmas!

  • AK

    Excuse me, is that your sack full of presents? Such small words mean so much.

    • whovous


  • Santa gives up cookies and his reindeer for public transportation and some walking shoes. The result: 95 lbs lost and a new hipster attitude.

  • Anonymous

    Even Santa must bow down to DPW after they tow and impound the sleigh and reindeer.

  • Anonymous

    Santa’s sleigh is in the shop for its annual tune-up.

  • Anonymous

    See Something, Say Something. Is that your bag….full of AWESOME TOYS!!!!!!

  • bb

    He knows when you’ve been sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, but not even Santa knows when the next train is coming.

    • Honey Badger

      They’re all good, but I like this one.

  • Whitney

    Santa’s trying to cut costs due to the recession. Expect to see a disgruntled Rudolph and Blitzen at the unemployment office.

  • Alan P.

    The Red Line Delay That Stole Christmas

  • oh2dc

    Christmas comes more often than a red line train, so Santa sticks to the green line.

  • Crystal

    “Damn Sequester and Shutdown…”

  • MtPleasantDeej

    I’ll take Metro to Navy Yard, but I’m calling Uber when I need to go to Anacostia.

  • Thomas

    “I’ll have a blue Christmas, on the green line…”

  • Alex

    Nick was a young lad when he first entered the system, excited to head to his first Christmas Party on The Hill. 20 years later he is still waiting for that train to arrive. The PED still says 20 minutes.

  • Bradford

    “F***ing parking tickets. F***ing inspection station. F***ing M Street DMV.”

  • asg

    An unintended consequence of the sequester, Santa’s budget for reindeer feed and sled maintenance has been slashed, forcing him to find alternate means of gift delivery.

  • Dan

    “Trains are currently single tracking between L’Enfant Plaza and Branch Ave, please be advised of delays.”
    Santa, “Can’t we just talk about shoes?”

    • anon


  • Ron

    Life catches up with Billy Bob Thornton.

  • BW

    Hipster Santa used to travel by Reindeer before it went all mainstream.

  • ratticusfinch

    “This is the only place that works fewer days than I do…”


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