“DC progressives alert: being gay doesn’t stop you from being sexist.”


“Dear PoPville,

Where do I start?

The High Heels Race happened yesterday on 17th street, and there were a group of suspected Trump supporters carrying signs saying “grab my pussy” dedicated to Trump, and others saying “protect your pussy” dedicated to Hillary. Even if it was an irony, a joke or anything, as a woman I find very disgusting and sexist how guys, either they’re gay, trans, or not, find fun to joke about other’s pussy. I don’t know if I’m making myself clear, because I’m not from here and sometimes it’s hard for me to express my unconformity… and here’s where the main story I wanted to tell begins:

I work close to 17th street and I really liked going to JR’s, not just because it’s close to my office and has a decent happy hour, but because it’s were you can find the best music in the area, and also having fun watching Blondie and other nice 80’s videos. I always had the feeling that people there gave me a bad look because I was basically the only girl at the bar – a colleague even stopped going there with me because he said the environment was hostile to me. I insisted on going and my American friends would say that they’ve seen girls there before and nobody was bothering them. Then I realized that, yes there were other girls there, but I was the only non-white one.

Ok, so last (and final) time I went there, I was with an American friend sitting at the bar, it was 6:30 p.m., I just came out from work and decided to grab some drinks there with him, he drinks reeeally fast, so I’ve had 2 beers and while he had 5; when I asked for the 3rd. they bartender said “I’m not serving you anymore beers”, I asked why and he replied “no more beer for you, you’re done”. At the same time my friend asked for his SIXTH beer and they gave it to him. I started complaining and the bartender denied talking to me, so –since I always carry pens and highlighters- I wrote down on a napkin “you are sexist” and gave it to him when we paid. He saw it and replied “I’m not”. I said “sure you are and you should think about it”.

It’s hard not feeling welcome at some places, and foreign and gay people have a lot of experience on feeling excluded, so I don’t think we should repeat that scheme with people who is different from us. I don’t know about you, but I find very sexist this “women not being welcome at a gay bar” situation, as well as the “male-trans pussy talk”, and I think people who call themselves progressive in this city should have a serious discussion about it.”

404 Comment

  • I agree. Being different doesn’t give you a pass on being crude, and some people need to be reminded of this from time to time.

  • The bartenders at JR’s are notorious for being rude and unwelcoming to straight women. I never go there anymore, because every single time I did, I was treated with disdain. For the record, I am white, so I don’t think it is about race. In my experience they just simply don’t really like women going there.

    • +1, even when I have been with multiple gay men, the bartenders at JRs are total jerks to women.

      • They might be helped by learning that tipping is a thing you do.

        • That’s kind of a circular argument, though, isn’t it? You should tip more so they treat you better… how about they’re just not actively rude to women and then they’ll get better tips? You shouldn’t have to EARN decent service.

          • This isn’t your tree. Go bark elsewhere, Bar service is predicated on tips, that’s how it works in America. Get over it.

          • Uhhh what? I don’t see where lucie said we shouldn’t use the tipping system, so I don’t understand your response, lordofhumidity (or should it be hostility?). I agree with lucie’s point, that in an ideal situation tips are used to reward good service instead of enticing better service.

          • Really? Yes, bar service is predicated on tips. That doesn’t mean that you have to FIRST pay a tip to get good service. The tip-based system is designed to incentivize good service, not to incentivize being rude until you know whether a person will tip you.

            Terrible attitude.

        • LordOfHumidity-you are way off the mark in terms of tipping in my case. I used to be a server, so I never tip below 20% and routinely tip higher.

          If you are generalizing, and suggesting that straight women don’t tip well, then there is really no point in addressing you again…

          • You’re not comparing like to like. People in the industry have a good lesson in what the job takes and what it’s due; a lot of people don’t. That said, some women do experience poorer service due to that expectation, and sometimes that reinforces the issue. Bartenders are different in that you can build up a relationship, that is if you want to.

        • Kind of jumping to conclusions a bit, huh?

          • This original letter jumps to all kinds of conclusions (racist, sexist). In my experience, bartenders cut people off because they’re drunk or acting a fool, not because they’re a woman in a gay bar. I say this as someone who has bartended in a gay bar, and hung out at them with girls.

    • That has been my experience at JR’s going back at least 15 years. That is why I refuse to go there anymore.

    • Not only straight women (but they’re nowhere near as bad as Nellie’s in my experience).

    • Gay guy here, the bartenders at JR’s are rude to everyone, gay or straight. A lot of my gay friends and I flat out just dont go there.

    • I am a gay man who won’t go there because of how women are treated. I’ve seen posts by their manager on facebook taking photos of gay men with female guests with them and mocking them and complaining about it. These are not bridal parties or women who come uninvited. They are gay men with their female friends. If my female friends are not welcome with me to your establishment, I’ll spend my money elsewhere.

      • you are more then welcome to msg me on my facebook page being that you pay a lot of attention to it. maybe you should post how I was tagged in that photo and I didn’t post it. let’s be realy here. if you wanna troll my facebook page, be a man or women and send me a msg. I’d be happy to talk to you about any problems. for all I know you are probably someone banned from the bar or who has been kicked out. hiding behind a screen name is not my idea of being honest with anything.

    • I absolutely agree. As a straight woman, I feel so unwelcomed at both JR’s and Nellies.

      • Unwelcome at Nellie’s? It’s practically a straight bar now.

        • Remove the practically and I can agree.

        • As a gay man I feel unwelcome at Nellie’s. I get that women enjoy the safety and fun of a gay bar but the purpose of a gay bar is a safe place for gay guys to be themselves and potentially connect with other gay men in a safe place. Straight girls and their boyfriends in large numbers ruin the experience for us. I no longer to go Nellie’s because it’s all shrieking drunk white girls and their drunk boyfriends. Straight girls, please don’t bring your entire circle of girlfriends to gay bars and hit on my husband–it’s annoying. I enjoy Paris where they don’t allow women in at all. It’s no more sexist than BET Television is racist — it’s a safe space for us. That being said, no one should treat anyone rudely and your tip should reflect their crappy service.

          • Tsar of Truxton

            You are a fan of “separate but equal,” I see.

          • Tsar, It’s not about separate but equal. It’s about our community feeling safe and feeling able to be themselves in a safe place without judgement. How many straight bars in DC can I go to with my boyfriend and friends and kids, hold hands, dance, etc. and not have some straight asshole gawk or make comments under their breath. When we have so few places to feel safe and straight people are packing our bars half the time to just stare at us and treat us like a spectacle, it’s an issue for our community. I don’t care if all the straight people want to come to our bars but come correct and come with the right attitude or don’t come at all.

          • @Tsar: You’re the worst.

      • As a homo, I feel unwelcome making out with guys at (insert AdMo straight bar). Not so at JRs!!

        • Yeah I would not even try any kind of PDA at most straight bars. Even a harmless flirt can be a problem. Too risky. Even some parts of town are still very dangerous.

        • Although JRs is super conservative about the whole always wearing a shirt thing and dancing, but there’s not much space.

      • As a lesbian I feel unwelcome at Nellie’s. It sucks because we have nowhere to really go now. I don’t think all females should be lumped in as straight loud girls trying to infiltrate the gay community. I just want to go somewhere with my girlfriend and feel comfortable dancing with her which I can’t do at straight bars. But people def give us attitude when we show up in a group of [gay] women. Maybe bc we don’t look typically gay, but gimme a break :/ You at least have a few options of bars to go to. Our only one closed

    • In my case it is race. The mostly white gay community is mostly racist and not inclusive of black gay men. This is why the Black Gay Pride was started in the District of Columbia about 25 years ago. For the record, I am a black middle aged gay male living in the District of Columbia. The gay community in the District isn’t as progressive as we think it is.

      • Sorry that you and so many other black men in DC feel this way. Obviously, I can’t deny your experience. I wish I knew how to change it.

        • Some of my white and asian gay friends are among the most racist people I know. I think it stems from being a victim of homophobic violence and words at the hands of black men on the streets of DC and NYC. That bad experience then colors their view of all African-Americans, the vast majority of whom are decent non-violent people. Such prejudice is hard to break.
          At the same time, I don’t think they view the white men who may have bullied them in high school or college in the same stereotypical light…

  • Im a gay black male and I have not always felt welcomed at JR’s. Its kind of known for having some shady attitudes.

  • What is this complaint about? Costumes at the High Heel Race or how welcome you feel at gay bars? The Trump costumes at the High Heel Race were hilarious and perfectly in tune with the spirit of the event and this insane election season. As for the latter, the bartender always has the right to refuse to serve someone. If you don’t like JR’s, there are plenty of other bars in this city for you to patronize.

    • Completely agree with the hilariously appropriate mocking of the candidates. It’s kind of hard to do when one of the candidate’s main issues has been his use of that word. Also, not sure whether the OP realizes this but a good number of gay men interpreted the “pussy” language as gay male slang refering to male anatomy and not female.

    • I have a feeling the poster’s life issues go much beyond halloween costumes and being refused service at JR’s.

    • “The Trump costumes at the High Heel Race were hilarious and perfectly in tune with the spirit of the event and this insane election season.” I’ll second that.

    • Bartenders absolutely do not have the right to refuse service to women. That is illegal. WTF are you talking about?

      • I think they meant if they feel like you have had enough then yes they do. Bar tenders can refuse to serve you if they think you have had too much to drink. She herself says she drank 2 beers really fast.

        Once I was sober at a bat but feel out of my chair just competently on accident and after that they would not serve me. I was annoyed but I understand they are making judgment calls to keep everyone safe, Maybe the OP did something to make the bar tender think she was drunk

        • she said her friend had 5 beers while she had two. her friend was the one who drank fast. reading is hard, huh?

          • I am dyslexic actually so reading is actually hard! I missed that. Thank you for pointing it out.
            My main point was , I was once mistook for being drunk at a bar when I was actually very sober. Maybe she was discriminated against or maybe that bar tender made a mistake and mistook her for drunk. It happens. These are judgement calls that bar tenders make.

          • she was not discriminated against, the bartender cut her off. to her own admission she lied. we don’t start playing 80’s music until 8. the bartender who served her said she came in almost at midnight. she was also wobbling and bumping into people. by the time frame alone she lied. the only thing she told the truth about was writing something on a napkin. bartenders cut off people every day. some deal with it and move on, other argue and say we are racist, sexist, or what ever drunk people say to be mean. just cause she wrote this letter to popville does not mean it is true

          • @c_petworth oops. my bad. sorry :/

          • @anon its okay. I have had some epic PoP typos on threads that I think have caused confusion in the past…

      • Of course they do. Bartenders can legally refuse service to drunken persons of any gender.

        • That isn’t what the comment said, is it? Nor is it what I said. I said specifically a bartender cannot refuse service to a patron because that patron is female. That is the law. Period.

          • No, the commenter made an assumption based on her/his/their own inflated notions.

          • “I said specifically a bartender cannot refuse service to a patron because that patron is female.”
            That is not what you said in your previous comment! Go back and read it. What you said in your previous comment does not mean the same thing as this.

      • They have the right to refuse service to anyone. They do not have the right to do it because of race, gender, etc.

      • If the bartender feels you’ve had too much to drink or you are showing visible signs of intoxication they most certainly have the right and power to refuse service. Slurring of the words lack of motor skills stumbling will get you cut off. Plus Original Poster if you friend is a dude and weighs more than the typical female he can drink more than you without exhibiting signs of inebriation… Aka some people can hold their Liquer.

  • Jr’s is the least favorite bar of mine in the city because of NOT feeling welcomed. and not just by the staff.

  • Just cuz someone’s in drag does not mean they’re gay. Another presumptive remark :^)

    • dcgator

      Good point! I was in drag, and also am not gay! I will admit, I did see the “Grab my pussy” sign, and thought it was a bit in poor taste. The other stuff, all good.

  • 1st Amendment

    • This is not the 1st amendment !!! So tired of wannabe constitutionalists getting it wrong

      • OK, smart guy, which amendment is it then? /sarcasm

        • Smart guy here, let me google that for you
          1st amendment only relates to the government. It has no relation with citizen to citizen free speech

      • I was referring to the signs in the pictures. As for the bar experience, just go somewhere else. Nobody cares.

        • No one was implying the signs should be illegal, just that they were offensive.

          • Hon, if that’s offensive to you, you either are Ms Milquetoast or you’ve just arrived into this without looking at any election coverage.

          • No need for the extremely condescending “hon”. Election coverage being offensive does not negate or counterbalance other offensive acts, which I think is what the OP very sloppily tried to argue.

          • @kanon: You seem to go out of your way to be offended. Done with you.

          • Hon, I’m not saying it’s offensive to me. I’m saying that the right to free speech is irrelevant to anything the OP said. You’re sweet though.

          • And lord, you are going out of your way to be offensive, combative, condescending, with a tad bit of veiled misogyny and otherwise generally demonstrating a complete lack of comprehension, acceptance, or respect for people having an opinion that does not completely line up with your interpretation of the world.

          • @lordofhumidity just because you call it satire does not mean its not offensive. Just because I think a sign is offensive does not mean I think it should be taken down. I was also offended by the signs. Not because the language is crude but because people were using an issue of sexual assault to have a laugh in a way that I felt was not trying to raise political awareness (which is my understanding of satire) . the main point being we can disagree on whether we thought it was offensive without attacking each other.

          • I still think OP should have just gone somewhere else. Also, what the hell is “veiled misogyny”?

          • @C_petworth: world’s smallest violin gif.

  • I’m a Black woman who’s frequented jrs many times without issue. It may take a tad longer to get serviced, but that is the worst of it.
    Maybe you seemed drunk. Having had more than 3 drinks served to me without a problem, I’m going to go with that over sexism.

    • Not when the manager posts photos of women in the bar, complains openly about them on Facebook and he and the regular patrons patronize women by calling them “Jennifers” and “Beckys.”

      The reputation is earned.

      • stop talking shit about me, if you want to give me your real name we can have a conversation. I have also posted plenty of stuff about drunk gay guys. don’t pick and choose what you want to write. In a calandar year I have more problems with drunk women then I do anything else. That sir is a fact. not opinion, not being sexist, it’s me running a bar. I guarentee you can talk to any other bar manager and they will say the same thing. so if you want to give your full name then we can have a discussion. until then stop talking shit about me unless you put facts. also most of the time I am tagged in posts about women in the bar. I don’t kick them out cause they are woman. some of my best customers are woman and they are nice, respectful woman, who wait in line and treat all the other customers with that same respect. you are more then welcome to send me a msg on facebook. you obviously have nothing better to do then look at all of my posts.

        • I don’t think it is talking sh*t. I think I’m stating what I’ve seen on Facebook. Have you never done those things? If not, I apologize.

          • Dude, you clearly have an ax to grind with the guy.

          • he clearly does. nobody else has commented as much as you have about me. I wasn’t even working that night. I did not post that picture but I know who did. it’s a regular customer who does not want JR.’s to be like Nellies. I can’t control who comes into the bar and I won’t. My staff however is allowed to cut off whoever they feel like if they feel they have had to much to drink. this woman said she was in the bar for hh. we don’t start playing 80’s music til 8. the bartender said she was in at 11:30. makes her sound a lot more credible when the time is earlier. we can all sit here and go on websites and bash businesses without any proof, just our word. she was cut off cause she was bumping into people and couldn’t stand still. end of story. she lied.

          • The only axe I have to grind is the one I’ve brought up here. And I’ve not made one personal comment about Dave or anyone else who works there. I don’t know him to make a personal comment about him. And it isn’t like I’m the first and only person to raise this concern.

        • Pretty unprofessional, how are you employed? Sheesh

        • “In a calandar year I have more problems with drunk women then I do anything else.”
          I think you’re giving really short shrift to grammar and punctuation.

      • Gay men and most gay bars call straight women Becky’s and Jennifer.. It’s what we do. No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade.

        JRs was packed on Tuesday. And there were a lot of straight women there enjoying themselves responsibly and gay men enjoying their company.

        Dave and his staff work hard to ensure the majority of their patrons have a good time. I’m sure this Becky has also written a negative Yelp review. Bye Felicia!

      • Jennifer’s & Becky’s are certainly not wanted…. Do u know what a Jennifer or a Becky is? It’s slang term for out of control drunk straight girls who do not respect that a Gay Bar is a space that’s supposed safe space for GAY PEOPLE! Otherwise known as “Woo-Girls” or “Hey-it’s my birfday cannnn I get a Free shot?! While standing on a stool or climbing on the bar.

  • “suspected Trump supporters”? It’s called satire. I would bet you my lunch these people weren’t Trump supporters.

    As for your treatment at JR’s, sorry that happened. I think we can all do better. Straight people can be more respectful of historically gay spaces and the men in them and gay men can be more respectful of women. It goes both ways. Unfortunately, I think you may have been punished for the sins of other straight women in the past.

    Also, just to be real clear that you need to check your language, ““male-trans pussy talk”. The art of drag is different than trans.

  • I don’t delight in suggesting this, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe it’s possible that OP is annoying to other patrons in ways that aren’t tied to her gender. I have to admit, that’s the first thing I thought in her references to rudeness at the bar. You can’t always smell yourself, but you do see others shying away from you….
    And that has nothing to do with signs at the High Heel Race. OP has deeply misconstrued the context; the signs are politically relevant jokes in a setting designed to encourage parody and disruption of all sorts of norms. She might not like men using the word “pussy” freely, but that’s her hangup, not a reasonable judgment of the race.

  • I stopped going to JR’s years ago when a gay man grabbed my butt there. I protested and he said “It’s ok, I’m gay.” I told him it was not ok and left shortly thereafter. I am a white, straight female and was at the bar with a mixed group of friends – white gay male, black straight female, white straight female.

    • As a gay man, I literally can not count the times other gay men have grabbed my ass there, always unprompted and often after I’ve warned them not to. Hate it too, but yeah the gay community is as hypocritical as everybody else. Unfortunately that’s normality.

    • Those guys are wrong to grab you. It also goes both ways. I, and probably most if not all of my gay friends, have experienced being touched inappropriately by strange straight women at gay bars. I’ve had my crotch grabbed by women I’ve just met, telling me that they were going to try and make me hard, and that they’ll be making out with me by the end of the night. None of them have succeeded on any account. It was unwelcome.

    • That sucks and is totally unacceptable. As a gay man, maybe a dozen times I’ve had straight girls (especially at Nellies) grab my ass and try to kiss or forcibly try to dance with me. When I responded firmly that it wasn’t ok, I always get a laugh and shrug (and sometimes even another squeeze). Definitely not fun for you and me and in no way am I trying to slight your experience but at least as a straight woman there are literally thousands of other bars you can go to. When I get sexually assaulted by a straight girl in a GAY bar, it’s incredibly disheartening. This, and the way some other straight girls act in gay bars (e.g. acting like it’s a zoo) is one reason why some gay men have strongly negative reactions. Personally, I welcome straight girls in gay spaces – I agree that they’re fun and glad you find them fun too – but I do hope both gays and straights can be mutually respectful.

      • +1.

        Straight girls have basically ruined nellies. The staff are mean to them because they behave inappropriately there with such frequency.

        • ^This. I only go when I have to. You should see how they try to cut the line to the bathroom, because who even knows even though there’s actually a line. I’ve only ever been unwillingly grabbed by a woman at Nellie’s and a few other bars like it, that have let straight people run it into the ground.

      • As a straight women I have been groped so many times by men (I assume always straight men). I did not know that is was common for women to grope gay men and think its fine. That bothers me so much because you would think that straight women would know how awful it is to be grabbed without permission by anyone. I do not feel slighted by your comment but rather educated. It was a problem I did not know existed.

        • +1, me too, on all of your points.

        • The only point I take with it is that, while totally inappropriate for a woman to grab a man inappropriately, to equate it with a man doing it to a woman ignores that one is a pervasive systemic societal problem. And one is an excuse gay men use to justify their misogynistic attitudes against women in bars.

          • One rule for you, one law for everyone else. Got it.

          • Wow, I COMPLETELY disagree. You don’t see women grabbing gay men as completely dismissive and minimizing of their identity as gay men? As if trying to get gay men to conform to heterosexual norms *isn’t* a pervasive systemic problem?

          • @Duponter the issue I have with your statement is that for a while men groping women was not considered a pervasive systemic societal problem. Women simply had to put up with it. I feel like when you say men complaining about being groped is “an excuse gay men use to justify their misogynistic attitudes against women in bars” is trivializing their experience in the same way that men use to (and still do) trivialize women being harassed.
            I will never let a man tell me my harassment is simply “boys being boys” ect and it seems equally unjust to dust off the comments men have made about being touched without permission.

          • Then it will continue to be the go to excuse gay men use to say it’s okay for bars like JRs to make women feel unwelcome. *shrug*

        • I agree. I am horrified.

    • He was trying to make known how unwelcome you were in an aggressive manner (and, honestly, unwanted touching is assault–we should call it assault. Always). Sexual violence against women is something men, even gay men, engage in to “scare” women off. It’s always happened when women enter “male” spaces like the military, board rooms, eating clubs, etc. It’s effective. It’s also misogynistic. It’s shitty, and if witnessed, be called out.

    • I kick people out for doing that stuff. If someone grabs your ass at any bar, tell the manager. You think we want customers being violated? We want everyone to feel safe. It’s assault. I have banned people for doing that.

  • That’s such a loaded statement. As a (presumably) straight woman, the vast majority of bars are welcoming to you (recognizing that race is a different matter). Gay bars are incredibly important in gay communities and straight people shouldn’t insist that they need to be welcome everywhere. Find a new bar with a juke box or something to play Blondie.

    Also, lighten up. “Pussy” is now a direct quote from a Presidential candidate. Your anger should be directed at Trump.

    • Really? Straight people shouldn’t expect to be welcomed everywhere? You are the problem with human relations. Everyone should be welcomed EVERYWHERE.

      Also, just because a Presidential Candidate or President does something does not make it OK or mean it should be taken lightly. Is that how you would feel if your partner cheated on you? Take that lightly too? How about lying? None of this should be taken lightly and as a woman the phrase is offensive and not less so when paraded around.

      • “Dupont Resident” aka straight girl who pushed out gay men when she shacked up with her well off hubs and their two beagles.

      • DuPont Resident,
        You’re an #AllLivesMatter type huh?

      • Yes, ideally, everyone would be welcome everywhere. However, they’re not. This has been particularly true in the gay community. Gay bars are a safe place for gay men and they serve a critical role in the gay community. I know that not everything is about me (a hetero white woman) and that’s okay.

        Good lord. Satire is a high form of comedy. The signs are making light of the severity of his comments- not the word pussy. The fact that you could make a sign that says “protect your pussy” from a candidate for President I think is a very effective method of communicating how terrible the comments (and word) are.

        • I’m sick of this argument in why women should not be allowed in JRs. I hear it all the time. I’m a gay man. My safe space includes women who have been my friends and advocates. My female friends kept me sane and grounded in tough times coming out of the closet.

          Safe spaces do not mean homogenous spaces.

          • Then go to gay bars that like shrieking Basic Beckys. Nellie’s for example.

            The thing is there are some basic rules of decorum that many, many straight women refuse to follow, either out of (willful) ignorance) or out of arrogance. The ones who know how to behave are welcome, but it’s not a straight bar, a lot of that BS doesn’t fly.

          • I think you misinterpret what I’m saying. I do go to gay bars with my gay friends, but I have no expectation that gay bars should cater to me. My problem with OP’s complaints stems from her entitlement that everywhere in the world should be designed to make her have the best possible experience. She’s probably the type of person who would suggest taking a bachelorette party to a gay bar. It’s about being self-aware and respectful.

          • If I can deal with shrieking gay men stomping around and grabbing asses and acting like idiots in a gay bar, a few women doing it aren’t what’s ruining things. I do go to other bars. That’s precisely what I said above. What I’m saying here is everyone else should too because misogyny is bullshit.

          • So you’re just a whiner? Got it. You really should go wherever you’re going now.

          • Your adjectives (shriek, behave) usually describe children or dogs, lordofhumanity. I’m guessing you are too wedded to your stereotypes of straight women to be openminded, which is ironic and sad.

          • Sure, but again, the argument I made is the safe spaces argument. Not the cater to everyone argument. I don’t like gay men or women arguing that it is okay for gay bars to be gay only (reminder: women are gay too and also deserve and need safe spaces to go) because safe spaces! My safe spaces include women. Straight, gay or otherwise.

          • Fair enough. I’ve never been to JR’s, so I’m not exactly sure what the situation is like there for women. Maybe I’ve sunk too far down the PC rabbit hole on the whole straight women in gay bars thing, but her post just rubbed me the wrong way.

          • lordofhumidity – I’m pretty sure it’s the gay men complaining about women in gay bars that are doing the whining.

          • @flies: Behave is directed at dogs and children? Really? Oh right, millennial entitlement rears its head. It’s like you don’t understand basic ideas like no feet on the seats on the metro and no you don’t need a seat for your bag and seriously that poor African-American woman who couldn’t vote when she was your age is standing while you’re staring into your phone while in the priority seat.

          • You’re hilarious, lord. Not only am I too old to be a millenial, you resorted to personal and hyperbolic attack rather than admitting that you just don’t want any straight women in gay bars regardless of how “well-behaved” they are. You’re just proving my guess that you are narrowminded.

          • I am pretty sure Shawnnnn has been banned or something happened where is not allowed in anymore. seems like he is trying way to hard to smear JR.’s and myself. If thats not the case then maybe give your full name Shawnnnn so we know who we are talking to. it’s me dave perruzza. the manager. now you have mine. if you havent been to the bar in years i find it amusing how you have so much to say about it. Also you all have my name. please search through my facebook and find a post from ME that says anything Shawnnnn is accusing me and the bar of.

          • “I am pretty sure Shawnnnn has been banned or something happened where is not allowed in anymore. seems like he is trying way to hard to smear JR.’s and myself”

            Um, so that might be the attitude that makes Shawnnnnn feel unwelcome. His criticisms seemed less like a smear to me than him stating personal preferences.

        • What about queer women?

        • As a gay woman I feel left out of most of these conversations. Do gay women not deserve a safe space? Because we don’t have any bars left to go to except for JRS/Nellies and people treat us with hostility because we are lumped in with other girls ruining their experience. How would you feel if you had *no* gay bars left to go to

      • Dear straight person –

        There are literally 200 bars in this city for you. There’s like 10 gay bars and the reason gays like going there is….TO BE GAY. Anon is right to point out that if you want a great bar that plays Blondie or whatever, its not hard to find. Stop feeling so entitled.

        Gay girl getting confused for these straight bitches

        • At least 200 in almost every ward.

          I keep thinking of one of the Kardashians (who I don’t care for but the gif is priceless) going “Basic Bitches Not Wanted”.

          • You do realize that being called a “basic bitch” just for existing as a straight person is offensive, right? Sometimes, my friends, who are gay, invite me to a gay bar with them. That doesn’t make me anything but a friend going out to a bar with other friends.

          • @flies: Sashay away.

          • To be clear, this is precisely the kind of nonsense I see all the time in reference to JRs. There is the official statement: some/many/all women get out of hand in a gay bar, don’t tip, are rude, inappropriately touch the men, dance, carry big purses, etc. and this is why they are not welcome. Then there is this other filth that always seems to circle around the people giving the official statements that really uncovers what is happening.

            Flieswithhoney – you’re welcome to go with me to a gay bar any time. We can go spend our money somewhere it is appreciated.

        • Aww, thanks Shawnnnnn. A voice of reason in a fairly ridiculous thread.

          • From the looks of things, a very bitter man who was “slighted” by someone at JRs; probably blocked on Grindr.

          • Yes, of all of us here commenting, I’m the one that sounds bitter. And yes, anyone who thinks JRs’ management is rude to female patrons is clearly just bitter or was once removed from JRs or banned. It can’t possibly be because the reputation is deserved.

            I haven’t been removed or banned from JRs. I’ve never been refused a drink while at JRs. I’ve never been even mistreated at JRs as far as I can recall. I’ve had enjoyable evenings at JRs. That all said, I stopped going there because I find the way the management and the patrons talk about women online revolting. And every time JRs comes up, there is no shortage of women here and other blogs ready and willing to recall their less than respectable treatment at the bar. If the reputation is not deserved, it would behoove the management to stop trying to blame female patrons for it and start taking some accountability for it.

          • This!

  • Hmm. So how would OP feel if it were women with the signs and not men in drag? Personally, I have no problem with it at all. Drag is often about satire. Satire is often meant to make you feel uncomfortable.
    As far as the gay bar goes… two sides to that issue; one, there was a time in the not-so distant past that gay bars were the only places where LGBT people could be free to just be themselves without fear of getting beaten up. So gay bars took on sort of a sacred role in the community. For many it’s not just a place to get drinks and listen to 80s music, it’s a place where they can truly relax and be. This is similar at any “cultural” type bar across the world. People are wary of outsiders. Also, some straight women can be really annoying around gay men (“omg, I need a new gay BFF!”). I’m not saying you personally are like that, but maybe you are being lumped together with other women like that. My second thought is that the bartender cut you off and that’s their choice. Perhaps there were other reasons besides you being a woman. But if you don’t feel welcome or don’t like a place, vote with your money and your feet and go elsewhere.

  • I agree with the double standard but the drag race was a night of fun and joking. No need to read far into it.

    Your passive agressive note and constant availability to highlighters makes you sound childish and not someone I would want in my bar.

    • She will also remind you that she can’t get a second date and doesn’t understand why.

    • I have never cared for JRs, it’s always been kind of bitchy and pretentious, but this woman sounds like the sort of pill who would fit right in there. She’s upset it’s not all about her, she has an attitude a mile wide and she’s unable to grasp satire.

      • I think this sums it up perfectly (and sadly describes a very large portion of personalities in DC regardless or race, orientation, religion, etc.). If there were a listicle of cities with the most obnoxious personalities I feel pretty confident DC would be king/queen/or somewhere near the top. Also, I think this person undermines the truly egregious issues women face.

  • Omg get a life lady.

  • nightborn

    I don’t think anyone goes to JR’s for their friendly service – you go for the cheap drinks and the divey vibe. It’s been years, but whenever I, a straight woman, would go to JR’s with my best friend, who happens to be a gay man, I would have either him or his bf order my drinks – no one ever refused to serve me, but the drinks I got when I did the ordering were all mixer, no liquor. Honestly OP, if you’re looking for a neighborhood-type bar with a friendly vibe, this is not your place.

    As for the the signs at the High Heel Race… I think those were meant to be funny. I mean… I seriously doubt your average Trump supporter is showing up at a drag race with signs promoting their agenda.

  • Get a life. The world doesn’t exist to massage your fragile ego and sensibilities.

  • I am not sure how referencing, ridiculing, and satirizing the threats of sexual assault from a nationalistic, misogynistic, egomaniac is in itself sexist? I think the odds are that both the grab and the protect sides were anti-trump.

    As to your experiences at JRs, I’m not sure I understand the connection other than both of your experiences happened on 17th Street.

    I’ve been in JRs once or twice, but I am a straight white male so my experience is different – though, I am not their target demo, so its important to note that as an outsider, I didnt feel uncomfortable/unwelcome. As I recall there were women there. Your personal experience shouldnt be discounted or ignored – but it seems you’re painting a large population with a broad brush…

  • It’s hard to read past your line that you think there were Trump supporters at the high heel race. I mean, I actually LOL’d at my desk at that one.


    Someone was mean to me

  • So TLDR: Straight woman isn’t the center of attention, gets pissy about it. Got it.

    • Wow, you’re just as charming here as you are on DCist. This must be a topic that really gets your panties in a knot.

  • Agree with all of the comments made about the LOL factor of the Trump supporters comment. I feel that this post was a little short sighted and too quick to a response on a fun DC tradition. Also by the looks of the hyperlink, I think the moderator thought so too.

  • Serious question: why do you need to go to a gay bar? You have no need to. These bars are our third space, our homes from time immemorial and you have no expectation to them.

    • So it’s not about her, its about YOU and your precious fee-fees. Do you need a safe space?

    • So if I am straight and a friend is gay, where are we allowed to hang out?

      • The six billion straight bars? If you know how to behave, you can go with him or her to a gay/lesbian bar (although probably not Port in a Storm because no one likes a tourist, especially there) but follow our rules, not straight girl rules. You know the ones: you don’t tip or think being a pretty woman with a big rack is tip enough, you scream loudly, you assault and grab men, and generally are annoying.

        • Can you put the rules on a pamphlet? I’m not sure even I as a gay man know what those rules are. I know plenty of gay men who don’t tip, think being pretty means they don’t need to tip or should get free drinks (and plenty of bartenders at JRs who agree), scream loudly and assault and grab men. Is the only distinction the vagina? Because if so, you’ve made my point for me.

          • You’re a millennial aren’t you? No rules for you kids, just do whatevs, and spit on everyone else.

          • skj84

            Oh lord, here we go again, A super originally person decrying the dreaded entitled millennial. Cause we ruined the perfect world y’all left for us. Its not like we were encouraged to be the best by the generation that raised us, no, we sprang fully formed with entitlement to spare from our parents head. Maybe I should go as scary millennial for halloween and scare old people like you.

          • Also, just to be clear. I’m not a millennial. I’m just not a dickhead.

        • Uh, these are the rules everywhere. I follow them at every bar bacause I’m not an a-hole.

  • I know that many of the pussy grabbing jokes are satire but it does not mean it is not offensive. Sometimes when we overuse satire and make light of things it can normalize certain phrases. Women and especially those who have suffered from sexual harassment and sexual assault might not see “pussy grabbing” as funny. It does not mean people cannot make jokes about it we do have the first amendment after all. However we can not use “it was satire” to invalidate someones negative reaction to seeing “grab my pussy” being turned into a joke.

    • Are you feeling “TRIGGERED”?

      • Look, I don’t agree with a lot of what this OP said and I think its clear from her tangent from the high heel parade to the gay bar that she has as other commenters have pointed out “some unresolved issues”.

        What I can say is that as a friend of sexual assault survivors and as a women who has experienced sexual harassment I have found that seeing these pussy comments being used by men and women have been in some cases upsetting when they are used more for a laugh and less for political awareness. I was actually upset by an Instagram of a women trump supporter with a t shirt saying “Trump can grab my pussy” as I felt it trivialized women who have actually been groped (by any man)

        I am not defending this OP but I think that satire in any situation (not just this grabbing pussy example) can still upset and offend people and often times by having too much fun with satire we as a society can almost sensitize ourselves to this issue at hand.

    • But that Schumer lady. She’s HILARIOUS. I <3 HER

      • I mean, I do think she’s hilarious but I also find some of her crude language mildly offensive. Not offensive enough to not buy her books or not go to her show, but yeah. I personally find the p***y word itself offensive, and I choose not to use it. However, I thought the signs at the race were on point, even if the word itself makes me cringe a little on the inside every time I see it (insert kegel joke here). As a well-adjusted human, I can like crude humor and sometimes find crude words personally offensive without losing sight of the point being made by using such words.

  • I’m the manager of JR.s. when “some” women come in they treat gay patrons like props and they are rude to the bartenders feeling entitled. It happens all the time we have plenty of women who come in and have a great time. They don’t get drunk, they tip the bartenders and wait there turn in line. Most women cut to the front of the line. We also cut off people if we feel they have had to much. It’s possible this woman appeared to have to much. The bartender obviously cut her off but she kept questioning the bartender. As far as the Trump stuff at the race, it was hilarious.

    • Again, this is why I don’t go there. The generalization of women at that place and the public mocking and treatment of them on social media by the manager here who is commenting are why I would never step foor in there.

      We all remember the “no high heels” at Cobalt policy they had years ago to keep women out. Ironic considering the High Heel Race really. Gay men love to appropriate female personas while keeping real women out.

      • You deeply and offensively misunderstand trans individuals here.

        • Who is talking about trans individuals. I’m talking about gay cis men who appropriate traditionally female attributes when it suits them, but want to otherwise ignore or push women to the back because well, they don’t want to sleep with them.

      • Drag is about “appropriating female personas” (that phrase actually makes no sense)? You have no clue why you’re talking about. Go look up the history of drag and educate yourself before sounding stupid. Also, I’m glad you keep having to remind us that you don’t go to JRs. Nobody cares. The manager gave his reasoning as to what their policies are and don’t try and pretend that you have no clue about some women expecting superior treatment when they go out. As people have stated earlier, we have so few spaces to feel completely comfortable in and sometimes we get annoyed when those spaces are treated disrespectfully (as Dave outlined above). If you want to go out with your girlfriends, there are hundreds if not thousands of other places you can go if you feel like gay places are hostile towards them.

        And final note, I’ve been to JRs and see women there all the time. There isn’t some grand conspiracy to keep all of them out.

      • i said “some” because it is only a handful. this woman who wrote the article is clearly in that lable. she was rude to staff, customers, and felt enititled and she lied in the story to make her self look good. this is from the bartender who served her who was also the manager on duty that night,:

        In regards to the post on social media, here’s what really happened.
        First, this occurred much later in the night, not 6:45.
        From the moment she entered, the entire bar staff noticed her odd behavior. She was interrupting people’s conversations by stumbling into them, she was slurring her words, and just appeared irritated and unsteady. After a couple beers, the bartender made the decision to stop serving her.

        The bar had many other patrons there at that time, including members of both straight and gay intramural sports leagues. In the interest of everyone’s safety, she was cut off. It’s then that she became upset with the bartender and claimed he was sexist. When her friend was presented his credit card tab, she used the pen to write a note on a napkin. After paying the tab, her and her friend exited the bar without incident.

        • You wrote “most” and “it happens all the time.”

          As for the post on social media, I’m referring to the one where you took a photo from the upstairs of a gay man with three female friends on a fairly uncrowded night. The three women were standing there chatting, not flailing around like the animals you and your defenders here and on Facebook like to pretend they do. You circled them in the photo, complained about them being in the bar, and everyone went on about the Jennifers and how annoying they are and OH GOD THEY HAVE PURSES.

          I’m not friends with you (in life or on Facebook) but I unfortunately see enough of your posts on Facebook from others commenting on it to know this isn’t all just exaggeration. Own it at least. As everyone is so quick to point out, there are other bars to go to. And I do go to them. But stop pretending JRs is welcoming to women when most women in this city feel very differently about that. Especially my lesbian friends. And just know you cut off a lot of gay men who, even when they aren’t going out with their female friends, aren’t interested in financially rewarding that kind of behavior.

          And one day when JRs closes as all the more interesting gay bars continue to move east and you’re left their on your island on 17th Street surrounding by nothing but straight people going to the other establishments there, I hope you might consider being more welcoming to everyone who comes in.

          • Actually i didn’t say most. maybe you need to learn how to read, it says it right above. some. if you’d like to talk about it without hiding behind a screen i’d be more then willing to do so. I also want to point out that when someone tags me in a photo it isn’t me posting the picture. that is not how facebook works. being that we are not friends on facebook you would have seen it if I posted it. so let’s be real. pretty sure you arent allowed in the bar or have also been kicked out and are now just trolling.

          • “Most women cut to the front of the line.”

            I can read.

          • Shawn, you’re all up and down this thread like Zika on a pregnant woman. Ive read every comment of yours (as annoying and whiny as they sounded) and can only conclude what others, including Dave, have said. You clearly have an axe to grind with the bar and management. You sound like you have an axe to grind with the entire gay DC community so I’ll tell you what I tell those other queens who think they’re so mature and have bleeding hearts for every cause out there: move. Put up or shut up. You sound like a whined and complainer and I’m sorry, but if you can’t recognize that our community’s bars and clubs are safe spaces meant to cater to the LGBT+ community first and everyone else second, than you’re an idiot. Like others have said, we can’t go to any straight bar and be affectionate to our bfs or lovers without potentially being called names or assaulted. Case in point, after the Orlando tragedy, there were at least 2 hate crimes that occurred. One on 17th street where someone wrote “down with the gay agenda” and another in Adams Morgan when someone lit the gay flag on fire outside of a bar. Nobody gives a damn if you decide to come with all your straight girls to a gay bar. But you better believe that they better come correct and if they don’t, they will hear it.

  • As an African-American man who has patronized JR’s many times over the past 8-9 years, I must say that I have always felt welcome in the establishment. I’ve brought gay and straight male and female friends of all colors along with me on many occasions, and we’ve all had a good time. If you happen to go in on random night, you might notice that the clientele is predominantly White, but if you look around, there are still a number of people of all colors in there. Everyone is just there to have a few drinks and have a good time.

    However, I do find that JR’s tends to discriminate against one group of individuals- the drunks. If you seem like you don’t know where you are or what’s going on, you will get cut off. Remember- this is a business, and they have a license to protect. In view of the fact that your friend consumed 5 drinks and you consumed 3 drinks in a fairly short period of time, the bartender was likely well within his or her right to cut you off. Subjectively, you probably didn’t think that you guys appeared to be drunk (heck- I don’t think any of us do when we’re drinking), but the bartender was likely of a different belief, given that he or she was not inebriated at the time. When I was in my 20’s, I was cut off quite a number of times at JR’s. lol. However, trust me- nobody’s out to get you. Heck- walk right in there this evening, and I’m sure that you’ll have a great time. Just don’t get wasted and keep demanding drinks. That’s when the “discrimination” kicks in. Cheers!

  • Guys. I got it. It’s only OK to be crass about p**** when it’s coming out of the mouths of [actually not funny] female comedians like Schumer and Silverman. #RealEquality #NotFunny.

    • #youropinion #humorisntobjective

    • Amy Schumer is hilarious.

      • Thanks for proving my point :). Carry on.

        • Wow. I bet you’re reaaaally into men’s rights, as well….

          • I love actually funny female comedians. Cho, Schaal, Sykes.

            They don’t pretend to have their cake and eat it too. Men are pigs and we should expect more from them. Now here, go to a Schumer show.

          • Yeah, but here’s the thing – you don’t get to decide for everyone who is and isn’t funny. Humor is highly subjective, and one person’s “hilarious” is another person’s “disgusting” or “pretentious.” I happen to find Cho and Sykes and Schumer hilarious, but Schaal’s appeal is pretty much lost on me. That’s doesn’t make me – or you – wrong for liking what we like, it’s just different.

          • Yeah. You’re missing the jokes. In fact, sometimes I cringe a bit at how Amy Schumer portrays women. Im secure enough as a man to know I’m not the kind of man she’s making fun of. I guess you’re not. Sorry the jokes hit too close to home. There’s a reason she’s such a success – and its not just because she’s wildly popular with women.

          • Yeah no. My joke must’ve gone over your heads. My beef is that she has her routine that works for her. Great!. But the minute some kid uses her same shtick on her in a stupid tweet she goes on a crusade against him. She’s very good at separating people from their money. Power to her. Just not my cup of tea.

          • Oh got it, you’re part of the twitter army who thinks its ok to say mean things to famous people on twitter and that it shouldnt bounce back and hit you in the face.

            Here’s a thought… dont tweet weird shit at celebrities and you wont get an unpleasant response. If you need attention so badly, buy a robot dog or a blow up doll.

          • That kid literally regurgitated her stand up back to her. She could’ve been the adult and ignored it. She could’ve been the adult and laughed him off. She could’ve been a semi-adolescent and just blocked him.

      • Schumer is a hack (albeit a blonde one) who steals other comedians jokes.

  • So … you were made to feel uncomfortable by gay people in two different places on two different days? I’m straight, but I’ll pass a note to my gay friends so that they can handle this at the next Gay Meeting.

  • JRs regularly cuts off customers when they’ve had too much to drink. It has nothing to do with you being a woman. It has everything to do with you being overly intoxicated.

  • NH Ave Hiker

    Lol to the URL, Prince.

  • Apparently no recognition of satire or camp re: the race. I doubt that actual Trump supporters would be welcome. Dan Savage, among others wouldn’t sleep with one.

    Who knows what was going on with the drink refusal—-judging from how OP sounds here, the bartender may have mistaken belligerent whining for being drunk, although in DC, belligerent whining is pretty normal sober behavior.

  • I side against OP on both of her complaints. The signs are funny and are OBVIOUSLY mocking Trump, not supporting him. JR’s is an old-school gay bar, and while you absolutely have the right to go there as a straight woman if you so choose, you don’t have the right to feel “welcomed” into a space that is intended to be a safe space for a minority group of which you are not a member.

    • There it is. Was wondering when ‘safe space’ would come out. LOL at [any] bar being a ‘safe’ space.

      We’re all human. We’re different in all the ways possible. But for the love of God. Stop with the safe spaces. We’ll never advance any further the more people retreat to their ‘spaces’ because of the possibility of being in an uncomfortable situation.. Celebrate diversity, and most importantly, diversity of thought.

      • No, you don’t belong in gay bars. You can be invited and escorted, but it’s not yours. You have thousands of places. I definitely don’t want some Basic Becky at the Eagle.

        • LOL. “You don’t belong”.

          What’s next? Only gay men/women belong in Fiats?

          • A bar isn’t a Fiat. I am impressed by you though: DC’s only virulent Trump surrogate?

          • #nolabels

            Using your logic to restrict people from places/lifestyles based on their sex and sexual preference. Not segregation at all.

            Also, not a Trump guy, nor a violent guy. But nice try. Would you like to spin the wheel again?

          • “Lifestyles”. Care to get back to the 90s and give Ralph Reed a high five?

            Fact is there’s still risks for gay men and lesbians, and certainly transgender people in mainstream bars. Straight people, especially men, can get super violent, super fast very easily.

          • Straight men have a monopoly on violence. It all make sense now. My eyes have been opened. Thank you so much!

          • Yikes. Virulent is not a synonym for violent.

          • No, I didn’t say you had a monopoly on it, but stats bear it out: straight men are the primary cause of anti-LGBT violence and murder. These are simply facts. I’m going to guess you think that race based murders, which remain targeted at minorities but do occur in other settings, are also an invention?

          • Here in this very thread several people have complained of inappropriate groping at the subject bar – men and women! But it’s straight male that is the root of all the problems. Anti-LGBT violence has plummeted, thankfully. And you know what’s helped? Going to the same bars and drinking together. Not staying in separate worlds.

          • “Straight people, especially men, can get super violent, super fast very easily.” – No no straight men are not prone to violence any more then gay men. This is just as bad as the OP saying “gay men are sexist” .

          • @carol: Go look at the stats on violence against LGBT persons, Then look into the cases. And we’re done.

          • @TheOnion: Dude, you already have so, so much, we can’t have this one small thing? You’re like a hog at a giant trough who sees one small crumb that’s being nibbled on by a piglet and you get all snippy about not having it too.

          • As a straight man, I feel pretty confident in the term “monopoly” being applied to the share of violence from straight men directed at . Monopolies dont mean 100%.

            TheOnion, you have problems with words and not knowing what they mean. I think you’d have a tiny bit more credibility if you’d stop arguing the wrong side of arguments and you’d stop arguing semantics, above all else, when you dont even know what words mean.

          • *directed at lgbt

          • I’m not against if a gay bar wants to be a gay bar and ONLY allow gay patrons [not sure how that test would go, but whatevs]. It’s a private business, they can do what the heck they want. However, if it’s a gay bar that allows all comers, then everyone should feel welcome there and have a good time. That’s how communities heal and form strong bonds, it has nothing to do with score keeping and who has XYZ.

            Also, regarding violence – look up domestic violence rates among married/legal union lesbian couples. Rates are much higher compared to all other marriages/legal unions. Violence is not restricted to race, class, creed, or gender.

          • There you go again, misunderstanding the word “monopoly”.

          • There is still a very real sense for many LGBT people that they are not safe. Coming out is very, very difficult. Hell, even my five year old recognizes at his tender age people that having ‘queer’ tendencies isn’t going to be acceptable to a lot of people – and that’s with and having been raised around LGBT and by a mom who is liberal as the day is long; he has never known anything other than Marriage Equality and has long been told that all love is love and is beautiful. Imagine a kid who’s been raised in a conservative environment or been told that the are going to hell, or heard the “F” word thrown around like it’s nothing while they desperately pretend to be straight in order to fit in. Don’t you think they need their safe place? And yes, bars of any kind can be safe places. Sure, we have made a lot of progress – thank God; but considering where we started from and where we are now? We have a hell of a long way to go.

          • @onion
            Domestic violence? ORLY? You want to go up against someone who has studied that pretty heavily then? There’s a higher reporting rate among lesbian couples yes, but straight couples, well the massive underreporting of both DV and rape is a HUGE issue you can’t crawl away from, no matter how much you try to get your knuckles off the ground.

          • LOL Anon X. Keep up the excellent work. Thanks!

          • Now we progress to personal attacks. It’s funny, how I think a heated but relatively civil discussion started. Immediately the ‘Trump surrogate’ came out. Now we’ve moved on to knuckle dragger. Excellent.

            I brought it up to reinforce my point vis a vis ‘straight male’ violence. If it’s over reported and the other side is under reported then that still shows there is a significance occurrence of violence on both sides! 🙂

      • No one is saying she can’t go to the bar, just that she shouldn’t be surprised that the bartenders aren’t bending over backwards to make her feel welcome. Also it shows extreme ignorance for you to “LOL” at the notion of a gay bar being a safe space. Maybe you should read some of these statements and consider whether that is something you should be laughing about:

        • Sometimes it’s really hard to consider these people “allies” when they’re so goddamn ignorant.

        • You’re throwing an awful terrorist attack back at me?

          My LOL was referring to any bar, a place where alcohol is served. A place where a good % of the people there are in various states of inebriation as being a ‘safe’ space from anything and everything that could offend one’s sensibilities.

          • Quit while you’re behind.

          • What I’m throwing at you is a series of statements from LGBT individuals about how important LGBT bars are precisely because they are safe spaces. A “bar, a place where alcohol is served” has historically been the only safe space available to many LGBT individuals.

      • no no no no no. safe spaces are important and in the gay community, both historically and present.

    • What’s unfortunate is that women who aren’t straight have very few safe spaces where they can feel welcomed (the gay bars in DC are more for men).

      • Sounds like a great business opportunity then. Carpe diem.

      • +1 I wrote a comment below about this as well.

      • The Phase was always owned by a straight guy, so they’re not all terrible, but there’s a numbers game at play. Lesbians always have tended to leave DC when they couple up, and have a lower bar attendance rate anyway. many bars have tried to fill the void or offer ladies’ nights, but they haven’t survived.

        • Phase One was actually owned by a gay man.

        • Actually Phase was around for years and years and did just fine. It like so many other bars has suffered from a generational shift to people who don’t feel the need to self segregate.

          • The property taxes must have been murder in the last 5 years.

          • Actually, I think Phase also ended up doing poorly because it wasn’t that great of a bar lezbhonest and all the way in Barracks Row

          • @parkview {TRIGGER} lover
            Given their door policy and most of my lesbian friends having moved out to BFE, I’d never been but heard it was described as “cozily dank”. It was no Hung Jury then?

          • Yeah, I live “all the way in Barracks Row” and didn’t go to Phase much because it had a cover, was cash only, played terrible music most of the time, and was closed four nights out of the week. It had a great run, but the owners could have done a lot more to make it better.

  • Annoying Straight Girl: If you don’t like gay bars and you don’t like gay high heel races, don’t go to them. I don’t go to straight strip clubs and then complain about all the PUSSY on display.

  • I bet JR’s tweets out a link to this PoPville thread. They are that SHADY, haha
    Also, perhaps since the OP is foreign they do not understand American gay male satire? Perhaps some of this is lost in translation? I mean, the High Heel Race is purposely supposed to be as offensive as possible (while celebrating drag culture with pride). That’s their shtick!
    Also, I’m amazed that Becky’s also exist in foreign cultures.

  • This post deserves to hear the other side of the story. Anyone have connections to JRs and seek out the bartender this may have happened to? I would love to hear their side of the story.

    • Yes. I’m sure it will reveal that this whole episode was the bartender’s fault for not realizing that OP is just a super [tolerant of ALL things] progressive. Mistaking her for his Trump supporting cousin on FB. Release the hounds.

    • Dave the manager posted above.

    • I’m the manager and I am working on it. I also posted something above. We cut off people. People never like being cut off and they go on Yelp or write a long letter to popville about how we are rude or they felt mistreated cause of there gender. It’s rediculous. what if we served her a drink, she left the bar and started driving away and hit someone? it’s our determination as bartenders and managers to make the call on someone if we think they have had to much. judging from her questioning the bartender on why he cut her off, that is a classic trait of someone who has had to much to drink

      • Dave the manager for president!!!

      • No dog in this fight. However, “questioning the bartender on why he cut her off, that is a classic trait of someone who has had to much to drink”. Really? Seems to me to be a rational response to be denied service.

        • I disagree. I think there’s a difference between “denied service” and “we don’t want to serve you because we’re concerned you’ve drunk too much.” I don’t think there has ever been a time that I wasn’t thankful if someone mentioned I shouldn’t have another drink. And I don’t think there is a reason outside of the safety of patrons (and thus, it’s license) that a reasonable bar would refuse to sell more alcohol.

          • She questioned the bartender several times and argued with them. I have been in the bar business for 19 years. 85 percent of the time they say okay and leave. 10 percent will argue and argue and argue and 5 percent we have to call the cops for. People that have never worked in a bar will never understand how to identify a drunk person. My whole staff is TIPS certified and they all have a managers license as well as weekly meetings. We do not mess with people being over served. If we think they have had to much we cut them off.

          • Clearly we need body cameras for whenever a straight woman drinks. Would solve this.

    • Looks like the manager from JR’s commented at 1:32 pm, above.

    • from the bartender:

      In regards to the post on social media, here’s what really happened.
      First, this occurred much later in the night, not 6:45.
      From the moment she entered, the entire bar staff noticed her odd behavior. She was interrupting people’s conversations by stumbling into them, she was slurring her words, and just appeared irritated and unsteady. After a couple beers, the bartender made the decision to stop serving her.

      The bar had many other patrons there at that time, including members of both straight and gay intramural sports leagues. In the interest of everyone’s safety, she was cut off. It’s then that she became upset with the bartender and claimed he was sexist. When her friend was presented his credit card tab, she used the pen to write a note on a napkin. After paying the tab, her and her friend exited the bar without incident.

  • 1) If you can’t handle crude humor, gay events are probably not the place for you.

    2) If a straight woman goes to a bar for gay men, don’t be surprised you’re not treated like the diva you think you are.

    • Her TV watching must be something: turns on RPDR, gets upset by men wearing women’s clothes, writes to DC’s senators to complain.

  • Jeez, people — play nice.

  • I have no problem with a guy bringing a female friend to a gay bar – I sometimes bring my sister and I’ve been known to bring my mom on rare occasion. There is, however, a difference between going along as a friend to spend time with friends, and getting a group of girls together to go sightseeing. Much of the animus directed at women in gay bars comes from a defensive posture. We often feel that we have no place left where we can proverbially let our hair down, be ourselves, and enjoy the privacy and intimacy of our community. Every group has – or should have – such a place and for gay men that safe space has historically been the gay var. When it is constantly disrespected, even by well meaning girls shouting about how much they ‘love the gays,’ we tend to get a bit touchy and standoffish.

    Here’s a rule of thumb – if a gay man invites you to a bar with him as a friend, by all means, please go along and enjoy yourself. If, however, you have no direct invite from a member of the community, I’d ask that you think twice about why you want to go and perhaps find another venue.

    As for the High Heel Races – the level of offense is what makes it so damned fun. Not to sound like Trump – because he’s a heinous bigot – but the level of political correctness in this country, among millennials in particular, is just absurd. It’s all about intent, in my mind, and I guarantee that none of the men carrying those signs feels antagonism towards you as a women – they’re on your side. They simply might respectfully ask that you find your own bar to celebrate in after the event.

    • Let’s not forget that a group of girls at a gay bar may very well be gay. Queer women often get the “straight girl” treatment at bars like JR’s.

      • +1 Especially for those like me who may “read” as straight because of my femme presentation, there seems to be no way to avoid getting this sort of treatment. It’s even happened when I’m with my girlfriend! And obviously neither of us fit this stereotype of the “straight woman” at the gay bar yelling about how she needs a new gay BFF or whatever. Those people exist and they annoy the shit out of me too! It sucks being lumped in with them because you don’t fit a lesbian stereotype on first glance.

        • THANK YOU. Exactly.

        • EXACTLY. I never even liked going to Phase bc women there assumed I’m straight. it’s annoying!!! all these men talking about annoying “straight” women like you can tell someone is straight just by looking at them.

      • Amen! I am a queer woman and my friends and I hate going to straight bars because we don’t want to be around straight men when we’re drinking and trying to have a good time with our queer women friends/significant others. Yet, when we go to places like Nellie’s or JR’s we either can’t get served at the bar or we get the side-eye and snide comments from gay men.

        Really frustrating when we don’t have a safe space of our own, especially since Phase’s closing.

        • How’s your tipping?

          • Always over 20%. Why do you ask?

          • +1 lesbians don’t drink enough and tend to be terrible tippers. It’s just not an economical proposition to run a lesbian bar in DC.

          • +1 to meh and anon and mcshaw. Full body eye roll on the tipping comment. LOL aren’t stereotypes fun and always true?! For your information I always tip at least 20% and so do mcshaw and anon

          • It’s pretty hard to tip someone who won’t serve you in the first place, lordofhumidity. But surely, it must be that all women who have experience this are terrible tippers right? Couldn’t possibly be that the blatant sexism against queer women in gay bars is a real thing?

          • Why do you keep bringing up tipping! Since when do straight or gay women have a stereotype for not tipping? It the third post on tipping I have seen since scrolling down this thread.

            Also since you do not get tipped until the end of a transaction not serving someone or being rude to someone because other women have in the past not tipped you well is also discrimination.

          • @neighbor come hang with me and my fellow lesbians. we’ll drink you under the table an

          • +1000 anon. We will also tip you under the table.

        • Because even in college, when I went to lesbian bars, lesbian bartenders would complain, with some justification, that lesbians would often tip badly. It’s borne out sometimes elsewhere. That whole 70c on the dollar * 2 is a real bummer.

          • I’m doing just fine salary-wise, and so is my fiancee, but thank you for your concern.

          • @lordofhumidty, you seem to be all over this thread with excuses for JRs. But with numerous people chiming in, maybe its time to take a second and reconsider your stance that every one of these people seems to deserve the poor treatment they’ve received

          • @anon: Actually it’s pretty obvious I’m not a fan of JR’s but keep on keepin on child.

        • So at all of the bars in these locations, you’re not getting served? I’m fascinated by all this because as mentioned above I’ve gone to both places a lot and never had a problem being served.
          In any event, number 9 has always been fun with a great later running hh. Maybe you’ll have better luck there

  • While I don’t agree with OP and have a hard time seeing how the two issues are connected (the signs sound like satire and protest rather than support?), I do agree that as a woman a lot of the LGBT spaces in DC can be very hostile places. I can’t speak for JR’s, but I know I personally have had problems with boundaries being crossed and unwanted groping by men at Town and at Nellie’s. I definitely don’t think that gay men are all doing these things – I don’t want to generalize at all – but it’s surprisingly common in these spaces and it can be hard for women to feel comfortable in those spaces. I’m a queer woman and with Phase being closed and there being no real dedicated space for LGBT women in DC anymore, it is an issue I think the community could come together to discuss. I don’t think this is what OP was getting at, but given the discussion going on in this thread I thought it might be worth it to mention.

    • Could you get a bunch of investors together and start a new bar for LGBT women? That’s what happened when Nellie’s stopped being popular with gay men after being made uncomfortable by all the straight people going there new, several new gay bars have opened in its place.

      • From what I understand Uproar has displaced it. It’s owned by a straight woman whose ethnically Thai, but she’s making a great go of it I hear.

      • Been working on this actually and talking about it with many queer women. I think it will happen soon(ish).

      • It would be wonderful if someone had the time necessary to make that a reality. I unfortunately do not personally have that time. The point I’m trying to make here is that these bars are supposed to LGBT inclusive spaces that welcome all members of the community, and that is not the case.

    • Yes! Can we talk about this please? I’m relatively new to the city and haven’t found a good lesbian/female queer-oriented bar yet. Any suggestions?

      • So…there’s a nugget here that those of us who know DC could share, if we were asked nicely. There were, at least for a while, some lesbian/queer female bars that were off the map so to speak but cater only to black women as a rule. I’m trying to remember the names. Some operated in a not entirely legal way, but with the city’s history that’s not strange given the churches “issues”.

      • Stop talking lordofhumidity, this wasn’t a question for you.

        The best options are monthly events that happen in bars around the city. My favorite – Tea Dance is at Dodge City this Sunday. It’s a day event, and this is the last one for the season. You should definitely go.

        Also Coven (organized by Kate Ross) is great. TASTE in the H street area and Whiskher are popular events (organized by Katy Ray). There’s a Masculine of Center happy hour at Nellie’s once a month, if that’s how you identify.

        There are a few others, no doubt, that I’m not thinking of.

        • That’s the stuff I’m used to from you.Appreciated.

        • +1 to Over Easy. I’m not one for going out much these days, but the tea dance has remained a solid option. This weekend is the Halloween edition which is fun.

        • Thanks mcshaw! I’m definitely gonna check out Tea Dance this weekend!

        • Wow, I knew about Tea Dance but not the others! Thanks! It’s hard to keep track of these events as they keep changing. I still wish there was a place that I could show up at whenever I wanted to instead of having to remember these dates and plan it out.

  • Dear Straight Folks,

    You have hundreds of bars and clubs in the city to go to, the DC LGBT community barely has 20.

    Can you just chill.


    • Apparently not. We’re very bad, nasty, nasty people for wanting to have one place for us. SAD!

    • Dear gay male,
      As a gay female, I have been treated worse at JRs than any other bar in this city.
      Can you just try and see the other side?

      • Are we saying gay female now? Pretty sure my lesbian friends would object, but sure, whatever.

        So go elsewhere? As I’ve said I don’t much care for JRs and never have, but that’s the clientele more than the bar staff.

        • I refer to myself as gay, and so do my friends.

          • Yo do you, just wondering if it’s thing now. That’s bound to cause some irritation to the last couple decades, but was a thing before the women’s movement.

        • Funny thing about lesbians is that we don’t all agree. That’s the thing about self-identifcation and creating an identity for yourself: you can call yourself whatever the fuck you want.

        • @lordofhumidity you’re all over this thread telling straight people to go elsewhere because we have so few LGBT spaces. If LGBT women (and yes, women can call themselves gay if they damn well please) stopped going to gay bars in DC that treated us poorly, we’d run out of options very quickly. And if we do choose to stay home instead, gay men love to say “see! this is why lesbians don’t have/don’t need their own bars or space in ours.”

          • You know that capitalism is a thing right? Look at where lesbian bars DO thrive. They have much lower costs of living and the bars have market capture. I’ve seen the suburban lesbian moving train, and straight people do it too, when they have kids. DCPS just isn’t up to snuff and if you’re having kids, why stay in the city?

          • I think you’re a little lost here buddy. I’m talking about bars, not children. I think one thing we can all agree on is that children do not belong in bars.

          • But where will Mommy Happy hours go then?! Obviously JRs seems like the perfect place for them!

            It’s more a pattern that I’d like to see studied related to bars (no Lexis-Nexis access for me), since I only have subjective data, but usually lesbian couples have been more apt to have kids than gay couples. This has also meant that they move out of the city at higher rates, to the suburbs, which don’t have gay or lesbian bars (some exceptions apply but most founder) and are also less likely to go into the city to go to a bar. I know of more gay men who live in the burbs who do go into town when coupled than of an equivalent sample of lesbian women.

        • Wow, who knew I needed a big, strong male to tell me how to properly label myself?!

      • My female straight friends could care less if they are mistreated in JRs because they have lots of other places to go to and frankly only went because I asked them to go with me.

        I will say I don’t have a single lesbian friend who will step foot in the place and not just because they “pass as straight” as noted above but because at the end of the day, the management is rude to all women. At some point when it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, people need to stop complaining that the women who hate JRs were all at fault here.

        • +1 I guess JRs supporters are much like Trump supporters, willing to blindly ignore all evidence that maybe a bar has a certain reputation for a reason.

          • I mean contrary to what so many gay men seem to think, most straight women prefer to go to bars where they too can get the D. We as gay men are not nearly as entertaining and irresistible as we let on.

        • Shawnnnnnn – I don’t know you (or maybe I do?), but I like you.

  • I think this post really missed the mark and an opportunity to have a real discussion about how gay men can be misogynistic. It was rather disjointed. I think there is totally a validity to having safe spaces for minority groups and that as a straight, cis woman you should be aware that you may not be welcome in these spaces because you have 100s of other spaces to get a drink at. IMO the mocking tone of the high heel race is the entire point of it.

    That being said as a queer woman I find straight women at LGBT bars taking up space or bringing a bachelorette party to the bar as equally frustrating as gay men who treat gay women rudely in these spaces– femme queer women often have a difficult time getting served because it is assumed they’re straight. We can’t make generalizations about all members of certain identies– and not all gay men are misogynistic (duh!). Recently this interaction did happen to some queer women I know at Nellie’s and I wish we were actually talking about it because it’s so real:

    “Tonight a dude at Nellie’s Sports Bar (gay bar in DC) muttered to his table as Keithlee passed,” these women shouldn’t even be here,” when we were trying to watch the debate in a crowded bar. Tonight, when Keithlee said, “excuse me?” the man didn’t apologize, but another guy at his table said,”if you feel that way you should leave.” And he made sure the man was escorted out.”

    • +100 I posted about this above! All the conversation here is centered around straight cis women and gay men, completely neglecting a large segment of the LGBT community.

      • Not neglected, just not the focus. Just get some straight guys like the Onion talking about lesbian bars with door policies. Or lesbian events like Michigan Women’s Fest born as a woman arguments. The drama would be never ending.

    • I hadn’t considered that part, because most lesbians I know don’t “pass” and don’t care to, but it’s a valid one. When we had them more to ourselves it probably was less of an issue. Lesbians have always been part of my bar experience, but there are far fewer out in DC than say Baltimore.

  • JRs is the worst when it comes to its treatment of women (doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight)!!! I have a wallet with 5 free drink tickets from JRs stemming from an incident similar to the one described above, and they’ve sat there for months, because not even the free drinks will get me back into that place.

    • Can I have them?

      • Sure, my girlfriends got a stack too. I have no plans of ever going back and not even the apology stack of free drink tickets changed that.

    • so You and your girlfriend have a stack of drink tickets but they are awful to women? how does that make any sense?

      • Dave-you seem to have serious reading comprehension problems. anon stated that he had the tickets as a result of not going back after a similar incident. They were obviously unused/leftover. Why do you keep ranting on this comment section without having a clear understanding of what people have said first?

  • Have we reached maximum comment quota yet? And how are we at 120 comments and counting without anyone using “nasty woman”?

  • I think someone needs to calm down. Bigger issues out there than feeling offended at a high heel race or a local watering hole.

    Solution: Don’t go to the race next year or to JRs if you have some sort of problem.

  • I’m a straight woman, and have been to JRs countless times with my gay male friends. I don’t recall ever having any issues beyond waiting a bit for a drink during busy times, and have certainly never felt mistreated or scrutinized for my gender. I have always had cheap drinks and good times.
    That being said, I think the manager who posted here is correct: I have seen women at JR’s and other gay bars across the city that look at the bar as an “experience” and interact with gay men as if they were props, which is never acceptable. I have also seen people of all genders/sexual preferences overindulging and requiring bartender intervention, and in this case it seems like it probably had less to do with the OPs gender than her consumption.

  • this is from the bartender. remember there is always the sober side of the story and the not so sober side:

    In regards to the post on social media, here’s what really happened.
    First, this occurred much later in the night, not 6:45.
    From the moment she entered, the entire bar staff noticed her odd behavior. She was interrupting people’s conversations by stumbling into them, she was slurring her words, and just appeared irritated and unsteady. After a couple beers, the bartender made the decision to stop serving her.

    The bar had many other patrons there at that time, including members of both straight and gay intramural sports leagues. In the interest of everyone’s safety, she was cut off. It’s then that she became upset with the bartender and claimed he was sexist. When her friend was presented his credit card tab, she used the pen to write a note on a napkin. After paying the tab, her and her friend exited the bar without incident.

  • I appreciate the managers response but wanted to make a quick comment about grammar/spelling……

    “cause of there gender”
    “It’s rediculous”

    Have some professionalism, please.

  • I’ve been shut down at a lesbian bar before: “you’re friends can keep drinking. You cant’t.” As much as it annoyed my liberal/libertarian side, I tend to give minorities a little more leeway in terms of establishing a comfort zone. So I’m a little torn on this. (related: we used to know some of the bartenders at JR’s, so my girlfriend/wife and I used to drink a great, hassle free on occasion.) (Also related: a couple of times, as a yuppie, I’ve walked into redneck dives and been ignored until I left).

  • Frankly, I’ve learned that gay bars are usually some of the least welcoming places to literally everyone and, as a gay male myself, I rarely ever go to them. If it’s not patrons being overly judgy and generally unwelcoming, it’s the staff being rude and dismissive as if it’s cute to be a jerk.

    Personally, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Spend your money elsewhere. I can’t say that I disagree that you were refused service based on your gender and/or skin color.

  • Hmm, a straight person complaining about TWO aspects of the gay community… I’m only addressing the bar situation, as she doesn’t seem to be able to grasp what High Heel Race, or drag in general, is all about.

    A straight woman feels uncomfortable at a gay guys bar? How terrible! Those should be more accommodating towards people who are have a notorious history of disrupting the evening of the target audience.

    Beyond that, OP is clearly unaware how this, or any other bar, functions. The bartender doesn’t just have the right, they have the obligation to refuse service to a patron they think is drinking too quickly.

  • Wait, people still go to JRs?

    • During High Heel Race night and Pride weekend, yes. The rest of the time 17th Street is a ghost town, even on weekends. I can’t believe how much that’s changed in the decade I’ve been here!

  • What I really can’t believe is how no one else is commenting on the music shade that was thrown. +1 for that, OP!

  • I think PoP chose poorly in posting this particular comment – it kind of undermines the actual argument in various ways, which is that misogyny and exclusion exists in all communities. I identify as an LGBT female. In response to the Pulse nightclub shooting, I posted a very heartfelt, emotional post on social media about how welcomed I have ALWAYS felt in gay bars and how terrible of a tragedy that shooting was. A family member (gay, male, unaware of my sexual orientation) ignored my heartfelt post just to tell me that I shouldn’t be going to gay bars.

    Would he have felt that way knowing that I am LGBT? I have no idea, and I don’t really care. Straight women should NEVER treat gay bars like a circus show, but my own blood relative told me, in so many words, that I wasn’t welcome in gay clubs. This undermines the ENTIRE PREMISE of gay clubs in the first place, which is to be a place that is open. To EVERYONE. It’s not about straight or gay, it’s about going to a place where you can be as weird as you want to be.

    It’s terrible that straight women bachelorette parties treat gay bars like the local freak show, but someone being an insensitive asshole does NOT give you reason to be discriminatory to everyone else that fits that profile. Aren’t we fighting for equality? Isn’t it a bit hypocritical to tell straight women they shouldn’t come to gay clubs, regardless of the reason? How do you feel when you’re told you shouldn’t go to straight bars? Pretty shitty, I bet, even if you won’t admit it. Aren’t we hoping that one day, there will be no difference between a straight bar and a gay bar because you can be yourself inside of it no matter who you are?

    • Oh and I’m also a bartender. The OP was probably just drunk. I’m not treated like her royal highness the queen at JRs but I’m pretty sure the common language on either side of the bar at JRs is sass. She shouldn’t take it personally or blame it on race. If you don’t like sass, don’t go to JRs. It’s not about gender or race, it’s about how you expect to be treated as a patron. Come to my bar instead! Plenty of love for all. <3

    • “I think PoP chose poorly in posting this particular comment”
      336 comments (and counting) in 4 hours. I think the choice was just fine. He’s gotta eat.

  • I’ve only read half the comments and man am I glad I don’t drink anymore and thus don’t hang around bars.

  • This is, without a doubt, the meanest set of comments I’ve ever read on PoPville. I never knew that gay guys hated me just for being straight. That’s my takeaway from this. Well done world.

    • No, we just dislike people who don’t know how to conduct themselves in bars that aren’t their usual place. It’s like going nude sun bathing in Saudi Arabia, or beating your kids in Sweden; it’s just not done.

      • JFC you are truly all over this thread spouting off some serious sexist bs. But I guess it’s ok because you’re gay? If a straight guy was saying 1/4 of the stuff you’ve word vomited all over this thread they’d be drawn and quartered. Get a freaking grip.

      • No, it’s clear that you don’t think straight women can “behave” well enough to be permitted in gay bars, full stop. There are not “straight girl rules.” The are straight women who behave inappropriately but they do not represent the general behavior of anyone let alone straight women as a whole.

        October 27, 2016 at 2:27 pm
        The six billion straight bars? If you know how to behave, you can go with him or her to a gay/lesbian bar (although probably not Port in a Storm because no one likes a tourist, especially there) but follow our rules, not straight girl rules. You know the ones: you don’t tip or think being a pretty woman with a big rack is tip enough, you scream loudly, you assault and grab men, and generally are annoying

        • It would be better if you didn’t go at all, but if you must, behave appropriately. If that’s too hard for you, go elsewhere.

        • Gay men and lesbians need their own places. Stop Columbusing. If we had this discussion about a lesbian bar you’d be burning down the city with your “women’s spaces” argument. I’m just fine with The Phase’s policy on men and I doubt most gay men would take issue with it. Straight men did, but why do their opinions matter on the subject?

          • phase one is closed permanently. there are no lesbian bars in DC so your argument is null. lol. but I do love it when gay men assume I’m straight and get mad at me for going to a gay bar. it’s real cute.

          • @Li What are you on about? Yes we know Phase is closed.

  • The author has left a lot out of this story. It was a Wednesday in particular that she’s referencing and though I did not serve her that night, I was there and spoke genuinely with her after she had been cut off. Despite your friend having more to drink than yourself, after 2 beers you clearly had enough to drink for the night and as I explained that same night: people have different levels of tolerance and your bartender was simply using his best sense of sober judgement to insure you’re actually able to make it home safely. Instead of accepting that reality, you played the sexist card, wrote on napkins and drunkenly complained to anyone else around (all of which agreed with the bartender after you left). I stand by my co worker and encourage you as well as anyone else readying this story and not taking it with a giant grain of salt, to rethink the whole incident.

  • Tsar of Truxton

    The stereo-typing and over-generalizations going on in this thread are incredible. This sounds more like a WaPo comment section than a PoPville comment section. On a side note, I am surprised to hear people are actually cut off for being “drunk” in a bar. I have never seen that happen and I have seen plenty of schwasted people in bars.

  • The High Heel race is a 30 year DuPont tradition and Drag in itself is always a bit over the top. It’s campy, it’s crass and it makes fun of current events. The signs were to be in jest of the current political situation and not to be offensive. Do a little more research on the art of drag before you judge.

    Secondly, I’ve been a JR’s regular for 5 years now. I’m a straight woman and I’ve never been treated with anything but kindness from Dave (the manager) over the years. The staff deals with a lot of crap, especially during the High Heel Race which Dave sponsors and has to put on. If you were cut off, it’s because you were drunk, no other reason. When we claim sexism to try and deter from our own embarrassment, we set women back. Own up to your own actions, treat people in their safe space with respect and if you don’t like the attitude, find another bar.

  • What a ride.

  • Wow. The generalizations that people are making (some claiming they haven’t been to JRs in 15 years) are disappointing.

    I work at JRs. Full disclosure. I go out of my way, unless I’m given a reason not to, to make every person feel comfortable. Gay, straight, men, women, trams, black, white, whatever.

    Everyone is entitled to air a grievance, but I would simply ask the person who wrote the article, and whom apparently felt comfortable claiming someone was sexist based on ONE interaction, did you bother to ask to speak to a manager on duty?

    If you feel disrespected or mistreated, you owe it to yourself to talk to someone who can properly address their concerns. I also think it is in poor taste to not allow a local business – one that does a lot for the community – and has for years – to make a wrong a right if it is indeed an error on the business’ part.


    • Thank you for all that you do – I am a gay man lived in DC ten years, and my best friend is a straight woman and we go often to JR’s – some bartenders recognize her and even remember her drink choice – this woman clearly has a lot of various issues, and something tells me she enjoys the drama and complaining..

  • I do think it’s important for gay men to have a safe space from straight people. the problem is, making women feel unwelcome means you are also making lesbians feel unwelcome! especially lesbians like me who don’t “look” particularly gay, and get mistaken for straight all the time. it would be fine to not allow women at gay bars, if lesbians had anywhere else to go. alas, we do not. sigh.

  • This is the best skewering on PoP since Chicken Bacon Ranch!

    • Oh, please. I had it way worse.

    • I completely missed this while it was happening today. And there’s no way I’m making it through the whole thing….. but I still think Chicken Bacon Ranch was the #1 post of all time. This may be #2.

  • OMG! The straights discover the high heel race, and now we need to worry about offending them. I remember when it was a small, unknown, almost exclusively gay event. While I am glad the huge crowd it now gets, including all of the straight folks, IT”S DRAG – if you are gonna be offended, don’t go.

  • It all starts innocently with one woman, who then brings her female friends, who bring their boyfriends because it’s “not THAT kind of bar” with ‘those kind of gays’ and pretty soon Bachelorette parties show up and it’s “look at the gay animals, let’s point and laugh!” and then it goes down hill. Then the gays stop going, straight people lose interest and the place goes under. It’s like an addendum to The Plan..

    You can try to protest, deluge place with 100 straight white women. Just think of whether you’d do pin Sunday morning at Calvary or Shiloh. Yeah think on that. I know these women wouldn’t try to go to the Fireplace and pretty obvious why.

    Gay people go to gay bars often to meet other gay people, not to get hit on by straight guys, as in the case of lesbians (just saw a lesbian hassled harder on the street, with the promise of corrective rape floating in the air) or men who just want one place where they can be themselves and not have to worry about being outed or targeted. Barsand clubs are our churches.

  • 1. The costumes were very funny, perfectly in tune with the whole spirit of the event. You just have an awful sense of humor.

    2. It’s a gay bar, just let those guys have their space.

  • First off, i have been going to Jr’s fro the past 18 years and i also live in the neighborhood. Now i won’t stereotype any one group of people. But, Let me tell you what i have experienced with women in Jr’s. First off, most of them carry very large bags and get all bent out of shape if they are told that they cannot carry them around in the bar. Jr’s say’s the same think to men with large back packs. No one comes to a bar to be hit repeatedly by a large purse or back pack. Women have a tendency to not tip well or leave no tip at all. They don’t understand that a tip is their salary.
    Things i have heard from women. OMG, he is so cute, Too bad he’s gay. OMG look at that one, he walks like a girl, acts like a girl. OMG, did you see them just kiss an give each other tongue, “gross”. Can you believe that bartender waited on him first. I am so much cuter than he is. You may whisper, but we hear every word that you say. So next time you go to a gay bar. Treat us the same as you would any other person. And if this is the way you treat everyone. Just STAY AWAY. Funny thing, just by reading your post. i think that i know who you actually you a are.

    • “Women have a tendency to not tip well or leave no tip at all. They don’t understand that a tip is their salary.”
      I really don’t understand the tipping thing in this thread. Maybe it’s just because I don’t hang out with jerks, but is not tipping or tipping minimally really that big of an issue? Serious question. I’d be curious to hear a bartender’s take on this. I have a hard time believing that women on the whole would be worse tippers than men on the whole (I know several female waitresses with male customers who have not tipped or tipped below 20%). This entire post is really rampant with vast generalizations.

      • At least at gay bars, it’s pretty expected you tip at least a dollar per drink regardless of price. That’s basic regardless of actual service.

        • Hm. I always do at least $1. Sometimes $2, and my friends do the same, which is why I was curious. I always assumed this was the case for any bar. Which leads me to wonder if this is an all-bar problem rather than a gay-bar problem if it’s actually a problem at all…. I just am fascinated because I’ve literally never noticed people not tipping.

      • I don’t buy that either. If we going with generalizations, don’t women have more empathy, and are more likely to have worked in service at some point in their lives, and are therefore more inclined to tip well?

  • If you wouldn’t go join a flag football league and expect them to agree to try out baseball instead because you prefer baseball, then don’t go to a gay bar and ask them to create a welcoming, friendly space for anyone other than gays either. It’s pretty simple. There are nearly 2,000 liquor licensed establishments in Washington DC. Less than a dozen cater exclusively to gay and lesbian customers. You have LITERALLY 99.4% of all of the bars in town dedicated to you, plus every single bar in the suburbs except Freddies in Crystal City. THOUSANDS of places to go that are for you. Leave the tiny fraction we have for us alone, and respect our decision to create something different from the 99.4% that you have made for yourselves.

  • My takeaway from this is that DC desperately needs a women-only bar or two.

    • it does, but no one will open one because they are more weekend only type bars and that type of bar won’t pay the rent. despite everyone thinking I hate woman, I don’t. I talk to them all the time. Lesbians tend to only go out on weekends. It’s why a lof of places have a once a month saturday party. no shade they just don’t go out as much as gay men.

  • This is definitely a JR’s problem. Their staff is well known to be rude and I’ve even heard the owner when questioned about this reply: “I know they are, but we still make money.”

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