Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user  nevermindtheend

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

376 Comment

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: My apartment is cold for some unknown reason. It’s usually over heated.
    Rant: Everyone did everything exactly wrong at work this morning which made me have to do more work.
    Rave: Casablanca was on TCM last night. The “La Marseillaise” scene gets me every time.

  • I think my cat is possessed. He’s so old he’s like furniture. Warm, snuggly, furniture that sheds a lot. Last night though, it was like a visit from the Cat of Christmas Past. He was tearing around the house, pouncing and chasing anything he found on the floor, then running another circuit. He would stop, breathe heavily for a few minutes (he’s super fat), then start up again. We were asking each other, how many years has it been since he’s displayed that kind of energy?? Quite a few.
    So, recommendations for a pet exorcist? Other ideas about why my senior cat suddenly expended a year’s worth of activity in 20 minutes?

  • RANT: Metro. I waited on the platform for 15 minutes while a train, that was virtually empty and going in the direction I was going, sat there with the DOORS CLOSED! When it finally left, I waited several more minutes for the next train to come, which of course was packed. It took 15 minutes to go the two stops I needed to go. All this time Metro was announcing a delay that was not affecting that line and didn’t announce the delay that was affecting my line until the train I eventually took rolled into the station.
    RAVE: My bikeshare ride this morning before I got to the metro. So sunny and invigorating. If only I could bike the last two miles to my office. If only….

    • Is the route or traffic preventing you from doing so?

      • The route. It’s all up hill for 2 miles. I’ve tried every route imaginable and I just can’t do it. I can ride all the way home though. So, on a good day I only ride the metro for two stops in the morning. I realize that getting my own bike could allow me to tackle those hills… but there are too many reasons that I don’t want to own my own bike right now. The flexibility that bikeshare allows me is otherwise pretty fantastic.

        • That makes sense and I would probably do the same as you are. Unfortunately my home and work locations and schedule make bikeshare impossible for me to use regularly.

        • Keep working at it. Why not go as far as you can take, and walk the rest? It’ll get easier and easier. Before you know it, you’ll be doing the full ride and feeling much better.

  • Revel: Dragon Age: Inquisition
    Rant: Still need to do things like sleep and go to work.

  • Rant: Whiny dog! In the last month or 2 my dog has become a whiny brat. He wakes me up at 515am everyday by whiny incessantly no matter what time I last took him out. If I’m eating, he whines for a bite (never happens). If I’m doing work on the computer, he whines for patting. All the online resources said just ignore him, but occasionally I have to get up at that moment which I gather he may take as attention. My dog is almost 10yo. Any suggestions?

    • You may need to work on not just no attention, but negative attention when he whines. When he whines in the morning, gives him a stern look and a mean, loud “no” and then roll back over and ignore him. When he whines at you when you’re sitting, do the same and wait to get up until he’s quiet. When he’s whining, aside from scolding him don’t even look at him, and wait until he’s been quiet for a while before paying attention to him. Then, if he’s quiet when you DO get up, take a minute to tell him he’s a good boy. I think you just need to reinforce the idea that whining doesn’t get him any attention at all.
      The other possibility is that he is anxious about something, or sick/in pain. Does he have any other signs of something being wrong with him?

    • Is he due for a vet visit? If nothing else has changed about your household routines except your dog’s behavior, it could be worth it to do a vet visit — just to rule out the possibility that his behavior changes could be related to physical issues of some sort.

      • He stayed with my mother for 2 months, and I suspect she gave into his whining. His behavior started after I brought him back, and he’s been to the vet since then without any new problems. I am considering giving him a little vacation to daycare 1-2 a week just to give him some new sights and sounds. When he went to daycare regularly,.I never had these issues, but I still believe my mother giving into him more is the biggest issue.
        I’ll try the negative attention. Thanks!

        • Sounds like your mom did have an effect but I think the above advice is good and you should be able to undo the damage with a little patience and consistency.

        • epric002

          meh. i’ve also read that negative attention doesn’t solve the whining problem- it gives them attention, which is what they want. can you distract/ask for other behaviors? and if he’s whining to wake you up- can he sleep elsewhere?

          • When he’s in my room, he normally doesn’t wake me up as early. I have blackout curtains, so maybe he can’t figure out the time as easily. When he sleeps in the living room/hallway, I get the early wake-ups. Earplugs help, but I don’t want him waking up my roommate. I heard the same about negative attention, but let’s see how it goes. I’m going to do daycare at least once a week if for no other reason than he’ll sleep the whole next day.

        • A trainer I worked with advised me to tell my dog what to do, not what not to do.
          She barks (barkbarkbark) when the mail carrier is nearby, so rather than saying “no, don’t bark, etc” I’ll tell her to sit, lie down and then praise her for this.

          • epric002

            +1 this is what i meant by asking for other behaviors. i have also heard from many trainers that you can’t teach a negative (don’t bark). unless, you first teach them “speak” after which you can teach “quiet”.

  • Rave: Pup who lets me sleep late
    Rave: Salvaged the last of the purple basil and lemon verbena yesterday and put a cloth over a small tomato still growing. Maybe the harvest can be extended a little longer
    And rave: Kim chi is actively fermenting – I’m doing a science!
    Random google search: Appalachian State U offers a degree in Fermentation Science

    • Emmaleigh504

      ooh! I would love to take classes in fermentation science! I love kitchen experiments! Most of the info on the internet is from “fermented food can cure anything even Ebola” crazies, though they are great entertainment.

      • I love the fermentation updates, I like pickles but not enough to do more fermentation experiments, though I love the scientific aspect of it. If you two are really into it you should check out The Art of Fermentation by Sandor Katz, it’s considered the bible of fermentation.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Justin, how was your experience at Pop Seabar? Mostly I want to know if you had the catfish and if it’s any good.

  • Rant/Rave: The Gilmore Girls. I’ve watched every episode through the middle of Season 6 since the series was posted to Netflix a few weeks back. Now I literally have dreams about Stars Hollow, Richard and Emily, and Yale. And if given the choice between a productive activity and a GG episode, I almost always choose GG. (Miss Patty, are you with me here?) The upside is that I’m almost done with the series. Or is that the downside?

    • Oh, YES, honey. The people are crazy, but I don’t mind, because I feel like I fit in. *chuckle*

    • Emmaleigh504

      I wish Chad Michael Murray had stayed on GG instead of getting his own terrible show. I’m still bitter about that. I love GG, but had to stop watching in the later seasons b/c the characters kept doing stuff that was out of character, and it really annoyed me. GG is no 90210.

      • I had to look up CMM. He did not make an impression on me from his GG days.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Wanted Rory and Tristin to hook up sooooo badly. I felt like they tried to resolve that with Logan, but he was terrible. Logan even looked like Tristin.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Ugh and Jess. WTF was she thinking. I hated Jess so much. Logan and Jess were the WORST.

          • Oh man, I loved Jess and Logan. I hated Dean. Might explain my dating troubles…
            But Lane’s bf Dave was my favorite and I’m sad that he just kind of disappeared.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Dave got his own terrible show too. All the good boyfirends got there own show. He played basically the same character.
            I had issues with Dean for a while, he wanst to my taste, but he seemed good for R in high school. I couldn’t ever get into Super Natural b/c the actor is in it and all I can think is Dean.

          • All of the men in the show are terrible! Every last one! The only likable people are Lorelai, Rory and Lane. The rest are kind of caricatures of bad people. Especially Paris near the end. I know that digress from the subject of boys when I say that, but she was just so terribly one-dimensional.

          • I liked both Max and Christopher. Max more, though. I did not see what the big deal was with Luke. So what if he treats you better than he treats anyone else? He’s still treating you badly.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Fun fact about Luke: the actor used to be a professional baseball player. This amuses me for some reason.

          • Luke and Jess are my favorites. I really dislike Jess when he is dating Rory but I like him later.

      • I’m at the point in the series right now when things start getting super weird and everyone’s characters are just -off.- But I can’t stop now — I have to see it through!

        • I felt this way about season 5 of West Wing, but also felt committed to finishing the project.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Cuz I’m old I watched it when it first came out. When the characters got all wonky I just didn’t watch the next season. They switched the night it came on, so that made it easier not to watch.

          • I’m pretty old too, but when the series came on, I thought it was pretty lame. All of the music references seemed really heavy handed and the apparent product placement (and constant plugs for junk food) really annoyed me. Being a few years older than Rory made me somehow feel superior, too. Now it’s sort of a cool throwback. Rory and Lorelai both sort of seem like peers now because Rory reminds me a bit of myself at that age and Lorelai a bit like myself now.

    • That has been me lately too, and for that reason I have backed off a bit. A few weekends ago I did not even leave my apartment because I couldn’t stop watching. Obviously ordering pizza was necessary for watching GG. So now I have to limit myself to no more than 3 episodes at a time.

    • Could we please restrict use of “GG” to the older and superior Golden Girls. Thank you.

    • Haha, the town my middle/high school was in is one of the towns that Star Hollow is based on. (My hometown is so small we don’t have our own, I had to go two towns over for middle and high school). And yet I never watched Gilmore Girls until my roommate and I were hungover as heck the day after Halloween…

      • Was your town really like Stars Hollow? I’m curious what you think was “real” and what was overly dramatized.

        • I grew up in a SH-like town. It’s all the stuff they don’t show you… Like, town meetings: Yes, there are adorable eccentrics. But there are people who are just pushy and mean without benefit of being adorable or eccentric or even having history to justify their pushiness.
          Also, where are all the poor people? We had an adorable downtown full of restored victorians and cutesy shops. But there was also the literal other side of the tracks.
          There was a Doosey’s Market (but it was called Smith’s) and you might go there to pick up a couple things (making sure you were nicely dressed, of course). But you did your real grocery shopping across town at the modern safeway-like store.

          • Well, honestly – at least in Washington Depot, there are very few poor people. Those that struggle (like my family) don’t really come across that way until you get to know them. Or saw inside fairly small houses. There wasn’t really an “other side of the tracks.” It was very… different. Some of the other, bigger towns around me had that, but there wasn’t a whole lot of it the towns where kids in my middle/high school went.

      • I would probably need to see more of it first – I only saw about 7-8 episodes, I think. I think it was pretty accurate though. I found this: https : //roadtrippers . com /blog/heres-how-to-visit-the-real-life-places-that-inspired-stars-hollow-from-gilmore-girls

        It does seem to be pretty similar. My hometown is smaller – we have literally one stoplight (not even a full red/yellow/green one, just a blinking red one) and one “village store”. And a library, town hall, and elementary school. That’s it. Washington has a few more stores and restaurants. People do get very into their town meetings in both places… I had a fairly atypical experience though as my parents are introverts and we didn’t know as many people.

        It’s very pretty, but man I couldn’t wait to get out of there…

      • Did you grow up in South Royalton, VT? That’s where the opening view of the town was shot!

        • Nope – Connecticut! Apparently the inn near my school inspired the inn in the series. I’ve had a few friends work there.

  • Rave: I’m feeling better after a weird sick day yesterday day.
    Rave: Instacart saved me from my low-carb, pathetic self. I don’t keep a lot of carbs around, but an icky tummy really needs some toast.
    Rant: I have a lot of stuff due by the end of the year, but I’m planning to take the last two weeks off. That means I have about 3.5 weeks to get some fairly big stuff done.
    Rave?: I’ve been asked to speak briefly at an all hands meeting next week. My brain is still too stuffy to really plan what I’m saying. I’d better get it together by Monday.

    • Instacart is the BEST, especially when you are sick.

    • I got an email from change.org with the subject “Beau could be euthanized on Thursday.” Boy was I confused. Turns out Beau is a dog.

      • Jesus. If anything happens to me tomorrow, please follow up with the petitioners and prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.
        regarding the nomenclature discussion yesterday, people use “Beau” for dogs and horses far too often. And a lot of people have my last name, which is also used for dogs and sometimes kids.

      • I am so sick of emails from Change.org and cannot seem to unsubscribe or keep them out of my main email folder. Argghhhh

  • Rave: I challenged myself to ride my bike to work this morning- freezing temps be damned…and I did it! I had so many layers on I could hardly move, but I did it!
    Rant: Despite two pairs of gloves- one specifically made for warm cycling purposes (LIES!!!)- I still cannot feel my hands. (It actually took 45 minutes just to type this.)

    • How long is your commute?
      I’d rather ride my bike in the cold than stand around waiting for a bus.

      • After nearly freezing to death waiting for the bus yesterday morning I just put on an extra layer, ovaried up, and walked to work. After the first half mile the only part of me that was cold was the couple inches between the bottom of my coat and the top of my boots.

        • +1. I’m stealing “ovaried up”

        • I just got a new winter jacket that is really long – it reaches the top of my fuzzy winter boots. The jacket itself is thinner than I would like and not a great down-to-feather ration, but I love the length when it’s this warm… Just wearing wool sweaters underneath (and fleeced leggings, love the fleeced leggings!).

        • Ovaries of steel!

      • About 25 minutes? It’s a pretty easy shot- all bike lanes- but I agree. I’d rather bike in the cold than deal with public transportation! I find biking in rush hours traffic much less stressful than the Metro. I just cannot deal.

        But cold hands? If I don’t find something warm soon, I may have to suck it up and take metro. It was really painful.

        • Try hand warmers – my friend got a box at CVS (?) or someplace similar. The ones she had were small (fit in the palm of the hand) – they lasted for many hours.
          These are single use but I’ve seen some that are re-usable (microwave to re-warm).
          This is unusually cold weather – most winter days will be easier commuting weather.

        • gotryit

          Are you doing gloves or mittens?
          I find for really cold weather like this that my cheap puffy mittens do better than my fancy crab style bike gloves.

          • I wore my Pearl Izumi base layer gloves that say they’re for cold weather but probably only if you live in Florida, and a pair of random fitted gloves that usually keep my hands really warm. I will definitely try mittens. I may have to hit up City Sports on my way home!

        • Are we the same person? Seriously… that’s exactly how I feel about biking vs metro… and the cold hands conundrum.
          Anyhow… I hope you have a warm and safe ride tonight!

          • Haha! We may be. Did your mother just send you an email about how to survive being stranded on a deserted road in a blizzard? Because that is very likely in DC of course. My god next thing you know she’ll tell me there’s lead in lipstick and my deodorant causes cancer. Oh wait…

        • Pro-tip: CostCo sells a massive box of hand warmers for $15. I think you get over 100 warming packs in each box. I bought one for Xmas for my ex-GFs mother who skis every weekend; she loved me to death for buying her that gift.

          • Ok, but do please check the ingredients and consider what you’re throwing away after each 20 minute use. I don’t know what’s in them. But I would find out before buying 100.

          • One problem I’ve had using these little things are that they can sometimes burn you! Also, they can be so effective they make your hands sweat, and that can be counterproductive if you’re out for a while.

        • I rode in today and combined Pearl Izumi Elite gloves with those fuzzy North Face gloves on top and my hands stayed warm on today’s ride. I need to figure out something for my cheeks, though.

    • I’m the anon 10:03 poster above ranting about the Metro/raving about bikeshare. I am loving biking in the cold, but seriously can’t figure out the best way to keep my fingers warm. I just bought some Under Armour gloves and paired them with a cheap pair of magic gloves for this morning’s ride. So far this has been the best solution, but my finger tips were still freezing by the end of my ride (which was a little over 20 minutes this morning). I am going to attempt a ride home tonight…. I had to bail last night after only going a mile because the last glove configuration (two pairs of magic gloves) was not the solution.
      I can get the rest of my body clothed properly for a cold weather ride, but not my hands…. so frustrating!

      • Yeah- I was able to stay really warm by just adding an extra layer under my clothes, wool socks, and a fleece headband for my ears. Apparently no special $300 North Face ski jacket needed! (I’ve been looking for a really warm but windproof solution but not sure I need that now.) But the hands- oh my god. Mittens I think are the way to go because your fingers keep each other warm…? I may run to the store during lunch to buy some. Tonight’s ride is going to suck without them!

        • I was going to suggest mittens for this reason, and ones with some equivalent of windstopper fabric make a huge difference.

          • Yeah… I’ve been reading that lobster claw gloves are a good way to go. Your fingers can stay together, while you get more dexterity that you would with regular mittens. The UA gloves I bought have the wind protection material. They really do keep most of my hands warm… just not the finger tips. The problem is that warmer gloves are too stiff for maneuvering on a bike. I think if I got some thinsulate glove liners I would be good to go.

        • Mittens are warmer since they keep your fingers all together (body heat!). My mom knitted me some super warm ones with a double layer of wool, they’re great.

      • Hand warmers. Little packets you’ll find in the camping section typically. Or glittens. Alll my friends have them.

      • My hands were fine yesterday morning and this morning, but they felt like they were going to fall off last night. I think it was even windier last night than it was in the morning. I might try hand warmers if it stays this bad.
        I’ve been riding in the winter for two years now, and I’ve learnd how to dress to stay warm. I wear base layer pants and shirt under my work clothes. I first bought these at REI, then found them much cheaper at Target and Marshalls. Regular black socks, or warmer, insulated ones (need more of these) for colder days under my sneakers. Hoodie, fleece lined jacket (seriously considering upgrading to a down jacket), thin cap (covers my ears and part of my neck and forehead) under my helmet, gloves. Usually my forehead and hands get pretty cold, and my eyes tear up from the wind, but by the time my ten minute ride is over, I’m warmed up from pedaling.
        I keep a pair of loafers in my desk and change into them at work. I also bring a pair of boxers with me (TMI? 🙂 and change into them after a half hour or so. I’m planning soon to see what kind of gloves and winter jackets Kohl’s and Costco have available. I’m usually warm enough, but I can probably do better.

      • I drive my scooter every day in the winter (so long as there’s no precipitation in the forecast or ice/snow on the road).
        My solution is two pairs of gloves. I wear a thin pair of jogging athlete gloves inside a pair of standard black men’s leather gloves that are lined with fleece. Leather is the original – and still the best, IMHO – material to block wind.

    • Bar mitts (sp?) are another option that hasn’t been mentioned. I haven’t used them, but I believe you attach them to your handlebars and your hands (with gloves) fit inside. Work on scooters too, which is actually where I’ve seen them most often. I don’t know where to buy them but suspect the google machine can help.

  • Rant – I knew eventually a job that would come available that I wanted and told myself months ago to start getting a draft of a resume, cover letter, and other documents together that I could then tailor to the job. Now one has, but I’m too busy at work to get the application done before the deadline. So frustrated with myself.

    Sort of rant – there is another job opening in about a month and my boss wants me to apply. I don’t think I want it, but I’ll probably apply anyway because it seems like the thing to do. It won’t be any worse than my job, at least I don’t think it will be.

    • If you really want to apply to that first job, get your crap together and apply. Can you really not find a few hours to work on it? Particularly outside of work hours? I don’t get it.

      • Yeah, I’m a little confused by this too. Stay late and work on it after hours? Work on it at home in the evenings or on the weekend? Go into work early to work on it? I mean sure, it might disrupt your life outside of work but it’s a one-off and it’s for a job you want – seems like it would be worth it.

      • I tried to do that. I’m already working until 10 at night and it is a job that requires you to write 11 essays about different aspects of my job experience. If it were just a resume and cover letter, I could get it done, but I can’t write that many essays in two nights when I’m working like this. And I may want to work for this organization someday, so I don’t want to turn in something I’ve slapped together and have that be their first impression of me in case it carries forward to other job openings. I wish I had seen the posting when it was posted a few weeks ago, but I didn’t. Oh well. It is a life lesson to have that kind of thing ready to be used for the next thing that comes along.

        • Places that require you to write 11 essays to apply for a job are just full of themselves, in my opinion. This isn’t college you are applying to. Presumably, a resume showing the work you have done, and a cover letter explaining why you are interested in applying your skills and experiences to the organization’s work, should suffice, or perhaps asking you to write about some particular experience in the cover letter would be ok. I think places that require overmuch for applications are perhaps not looking for candidates, and are attempting to reduce applications, and likely already have someone in mind for the position.

        • 11 essays?!? What the hell kind of job requires that?

        • Allison

          Eleven essays? Holy crap I’ve applied for some jobs that have long applications, but that is ridiculous.

    • I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been itching for a new job for a long time, and getting my first application out the door was a real struggle. Once you get your application in order for one job, the rest seem easier to apply to. Good luck!

    • Accountering

      You are not too busy. If you want to get it done, get it done. There are 24 hours in the day. Man (ovary? see above) up, and get it done! Good luck!

  • Rant: GF’s mother is coming tonight to stay with us for FIVE DAYS (was originally supposed to be three)

    Rave: There will be no raves for the next five days, possibly longer

  • Rave: I’m back on this site after a hiatus.
    Rant: Dating. No surprise there. But this is for my friends who meet seemingly great people through online dating and then they just disappear without a word. How do all of you handle situations when you’re just not interested? I think it’s rude to just ignore a person and not give a reason. This has not happened to me (NOT YET but who knows when I get back into online dating) but it has happened to all of my friends recently. They are also guilty of sometimes ignoring people, and I tell them they should end it respectfully. Thoughts?

    • To me, that is the most infuriating thing ever. Please just tell me you aren’t interested. The worst part is when I tell a guy how I feel, and then rather than telling me he doesn’t feel the same way, he drops off the planet. It is a total coward move.
      I just keep having to remind myself that if a guy doesn’t respect me enough to tell me that he doesn’t want to date me, I probably didn’t want to date him in the first place. Still sucks though.

    • I think it depends on how much contact you’ve had and how you left it at the end of the date. I met one guy after like 2 emails, it was a horrible cup of coffee, and at the end we both just said, “good luck out there.” So when he texted me, I did not feel like I needed to respond. But someone I’d spent some time emailing, and the date was one that either party could have interpreted as going ok or not, I’ve felt like a quick, “I enjoyed meeting you but don’t think that we’re a good match” was warranted.
      But of course what you do and what the other people in this process do are totally different things, and don’t set your expectations for other people based on what you would have done. Expect a lot of fade outs, don’t take it personally, and just see it as a good story or a bullet dodged.

    • Usually I say I’m just not interested/not compatible/too busy to date, but if we had one date only, then I could potentially utilize the fadeaway. After 1-2 dates, there really isn’t a thing yet, so I don’t believe it necessarily warrants some long, drawn out conversation about why it isn’t going to work.

    • I’m a seasoned online dating veteran, for whatever that’s worth. My view is that there is no duty to let the person know you’re not interested after only one date, unless you have an otherwise great date or sleep together. If the person contacts you for a second date and you know you’re not interested, be forthright and respectful: let them know you’re not interested. Unless they are unhinged (and there are very few unhinged people out there, it just seems like there are a lot more), they will take you at your word and move on with their life.

    • If it’s still early (1-2 dates) I’ll use the fadeaway. At that stage, they don’t need a long drawn out speech about it. And given how aggressive some guys get when they’re rejected, I feel like it’s safer to take the nonconfrontational route, rather than opening myself up to harassment by being direct about it.

      • Report and block! I feel like that’s the only way to teach those creeps a lesson!

        • I do it for my safety and peace of mind, but it doesn’t change anything, IMO. If they are entitled and misogynistic enough to rage out because a woman said no to them, blocking them isn’t going to change their behavior.

    • I agree with most everyone else, it depends on the context. If there have been in-person dates or not, how many, how did it go. I used to get really frustrated by the fade-outs that occur pre-date, though, when you’re in the email stage and then all of a sudden it just ends. But honestly, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much now on tinder, maybe because it’s way more prevalent.

    • epric002

      here’s what i did: if they never follow up, then you obviously don’t need to point out that you’re not interested. if they do and you’ve only had a couple dates- then a brief email/text/whatever response that says something along the lines of “it was nice to meet you/thank you for drinks/whatever but i just don’t think we’re a good match. no hard feelings/best of luck.” IMO fading out/ignoring is rude and immature. just be an adult and say you’re not interested.

    • Doing a non-reply is cowardly. Don’t leave the other person hanging — would it kill you to respond with “Thanks, but I don’t feel like we’re a match” or something similar?

      • Every time I’ve done that it ended with the person screaming, cursing, telling me I’m not all that.

        • +50000 That sort of interaction can escalate really quickly, and usually without warning. Being direct about rejection is not as simple and painless for women as a lot of people like to imply.

          • Dating’s a power struggle, and the person who calls it off first becomes the one with the ultimate power. That makes the other person feel inferior and sometimes defensive.

          • If dating is a power struggle then you’re doing it wrong.

          • epric002

            i don’t doubt that his happens to people (though i never had it happen to me), but i don’t know why that means that everyone else you ever go out with and don’t click with deserves to be ignored/ghosted. and if *every* time you politely express non-interest in someone, they “scream, curse, tell me i’m not all that” then perhaps you are dating the wrong people.

          • To clarify: my post above is in response to people messaging me online only. I say 2 out of 10 times someone sent back a polite thanks for letting me know or nothing at all. I’m sure I’m just unlucky on that one, but it has leaned me toward the no response as a preference. As mentioned above 1-2 dates or less, I’ll fade unless the person continues trying to call me; more than that I’d probably do more.

            Also as a woman who likes women, I feel much better equipped to reject someone in person without much fear on the escalation, but I really hate confrontations.

    • I had to do the fade out on the last girl i met through online dating. She was just incapable of explaining how she felt and was unable to give me answers to questions I had. She hasn’t said anything either so i think it is mutual….there really is NOTHING left to say to each other. Its not that I want to fade out..its just I literally don’t even know where to start…and i will probably say some not nice things.

    • Great advice from all of you. The thing is, from what I know from my friends, they went on several dates (and yes, slept together), then the guys say they’re busy and need time. Then poof, they stop contacting. Not to be crass, but they totally hit it and quit it. It’s a thing people do, but if you’ve gone a several dates, talk often, and slept together, you should probably end it formally instead of leave the person hanging. That’s just my opinion.

      • Ewwww, no. If you’ve been on more than a few dates and especially if you slept together, you definitely owe the person some acknowledgement that it’s over. Fading out under those circumstances is callous and crappy.

      • It blows my mind how many people want one-night stands but are incapable of expressing that, so instead they go out on a nice date, have a great time, sleep with the person, and then ghost.
        If you’ve banged and been on a few dates, telling them it’s over is mandatory.

      • This has happened to me a few times, as well. Though it was the female who hit & quit.
        I actually slept with a Tinder match about 4 weeks ago (slept together on the third date). Sexual chemistry was amazing, I spent the night, and I find her to be generally awesome and attractive. Since then, we’ve been playing text tag but I have not seen her. She’s a workaholic, but has made absolutely zero time to even just meet up for an after work drink. She also takes a minimum of 24 hours to reply to a text message. Frustrating, to say the least!

        • Yeah, move on. That ain’t going to change. I speak from experience. Unless you are ok with her popping in and out of your life when she’s up for it.

        • Sucks, but I’d let her go. It’s nice to hear someone who didn’t sleep with their tinder matches on the first date though!
          Drunk me has been known to be a one-hitta-quitta (as a female). But, that’s usually bc drunk me picks awful guys, and it’s usually mutual. And, it’s usually someone I pick up at a bar, not someone I go on legit dates with. However, this one guy a few months ago was different, bc I thought we had amazing sexual chemistry. So, I wanted to see him again and was quite clear that I’m not interested in a relationship with him but would 10/10 bang again. Unfortunately, he has no interest in seeing me again, although he’s quite content to sext every now and again. He’d rather me describe what I’d do to him instead of do it directly. People are weird.

          • I’m terrible at the bar pickup scene, despite being a fairly attractive (7 out of 10) and smart man. I need to step up my banter.
            I enjoy a bit of sexting as much as the next guy, but this one sounds a bit weird. I’d venture that he’s a narcissist and/or probably has a GF.
            Keep up the good fight, kanon 😀

        • FWIW, the string-along (which it sounds like she’s doing) is just as bad, maybe sometimes worse, than the fade-out. It sounds like she’s trying to keep you simmering on the back burner, to be brought up either when she has time or when the other people she’s seeing fall through.

          • Oh, I totally believe that’s what she’s doing.
            That said, I’m still seeing other people and keeping myself busy. As spoken by the great financial mind, GZA of Wu-Tang Financial: “You gotta diversify yo’ bonds.”
            I just happen to like her the best.

    • I see several people here justifying why they’ve done the fadeout on other people, and saying that it’s OK. What I haven’t seen yet is “Somebody I’d been out with and liked did the fadeout on me, and I thought that was an acceptable way to end things.”

      • Emmaleigh504

        I have had people do the fade out and had it be acceptable. The ONLY time I approve is if you meet on a dating or site or maybe 1 meeting at a bar or party, and 1 date (no sex or heavy petting). Anything more than that, and a quick we work better as friends text is needed. Any time you have mutual friends or can reasonably expect to see each other again for whatever ever reason you need to send the text.

        • I dated/hooked up with a guy for a few months that I met through mutual friends. After telling him I wanted more than just meeting out and hooking up, he did the slow fade. Now I have to see him ALL THE TIME with his gf that he started dating shortly after me. It is tons of fun.

          • My friend dated a guy for 7 or 8 months and they were even at the point of saying “I love you” to each other and then he just disappeared. She thought he was hurt or something at first. But she sees him all the time being interviewed on TV and through work, and because they have mutual acquaintances but she still has absolutely no idea what happened.

          • Also I’m sorry you have to experience that. 🙁

      • I can understand why women would do it, as some “nice guys” are f#cking psycho and get rage triggered by direct rejection (even after one or two uneventful dates). Still, it doesn’t make it any less annoying for those of us who are generally normal guys.
        Stupid Y chromosome ruins everything!

      • I’m actually OK with the fadeout under nonserious (early on and no sex had) circumstances. If the answer is no, then their silence does the talking and we both avoid the awkwardness. 9/10 times we’re not going to see each other again, so there’s no need for a big discussion about it, IMO.

    • pablo .raw

      I find it interesting that there’s so much people complaining everyday about online dating; rarely I see someone happy about the results although I know it happens.

      • I’m happy with tinder so far! It’s been fun and I’ve met interesting guys, although no one I thought I could connect with long-term, but admittedly I’m not exactly looking for that right now (but not opposed to that happening).

      • epric002

        happily married from online dating here! just wanted to chime in that it can work out. and actually 2 other close gfs of mine here in DC are engaged or married to someone they met online. and some neighbors too.

      • I’m quite happy with the lady I’m seeing from okcupid. Even if she’s not my one, I’ve never had more fun and chemistry with someone. Online dating has my vote.

      • Allison

        In defense of online dating, I have a friend who married the second girl he found on OK Cupid. Miracles happen!

        • Im happily married from online dating. I know at least three other couples married now who met on line and one is engaged. A lot depends on the site…

      • I usually can’t even get a date online. That’s a different sort of problem and complaint.

      • SFT

        I have more than a handful of friends who are engaged, living together, or married to people they met online. So it does work. A girlfriend who is engaged to a guy she met on Match always says that “online dating sucks…until it doesn’t”. I’ve never heard anyone state it better!

      • I think it’s just that dating in general sucks, but it’s more… concentrated with online dating. I go on a lot more dates than I would if I was trying to meet people randomly/organically.

        There’s also a lot of “grass is greener” with online dating. You’re always meeting new people, and some people are always wondering if there is someone better/cuter/whatever if they just keep looking, so I think that breeds some less great habits. If that makes sense.

        However, the alternative would be going out with very few people most likely, so at least I keep putting myself out there and trying. There’s just a lot of frustration that goes with it.

      • I met my husband on Craigslist. It happens!

    • A few months ago I was on a dating site and saw a girl I found interesting as well as attractive. We end up messaging/texting for maybe a week and a half/two weeks before I ask her to meet. However in the days leading up, whenever I would try to confirm a time for set day she’d dance around the question like Fred Astaire. Needless to say, I left that alone. If you’re busy and/or unsure about meeting, just say so.

      • +1mil The amount of people looking for pen pals online or who aren’t sure if they’re “ready” to date online is astonishing.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Has online dating become a hobby for people? How awful for those who actually want to date.

          • Apps like Hinge seem to attract such “hobbyists.” I can’t tell you how many times I have been notified of a mutual match, only to find that person either never responds to my initial message or effectively ends the dialogue after a few exchanges by ceasing to ask questions in return. You had to have “liked” my profile for us to match, but 6 hours later you’re not interested? Ugh. I don’t know if my expectations can go any lower.

      • YES. Noncommittal nonsense like this has conditioned me to walk away as soon as I detect flaky behavior. I just figure they’re not that interested and move on.

        • Question for online daters-I am exchanging emails with someone I met at a conference out of town recently. The person initiated contacting me and we’ve had a funny/intriguing exchange over a couple days. However the person’s last two emails did not have any questions – as you noted, effectively ceasing the dialogue – but when I’ve written back, the person has replied almost immediately with a medium/short response. Is this a nice fade-away? Or do you sometimes run out of logical questions to ask? Not sure if I should try to keep it going…..

          • It depends on what you want out of keeping it going. If you are interested in dating this person, ask them out. If you are waiting for that person to ask you out, then suck it up and ask yourself anyways, or at least make it very clear that is your interest. If you are a looking for a pen pal, join an online dating service because there are plenty of people looking for that there 🙂

  • Rave: I slept well last night without any of the weird dreams that have been plaguing me lately.
    Rave: We’re hosting our annual Friendsgiving dinner on Saturday night. I love having parties. And it is the motivation I need to deep clean the house.
    Rave: Yoga tonight followed by time on the couch.

  • pablo .raw

    Rave: My office is giving us Friday after thanksgiving as a holiday. I don’t know what I”m going to do with all the free time. I’m sleep challenged, I can’t stay in bed beyond 6 am.
    Rave: When I’m able to pay my mortgage with extra work without having to touch my paycheck. Grateful.
    Rant: Cold bike ride this morning.

    • It has been many years since I worked somewhere that was open the day after thanksgiving. I thought most professional environments had gone the way of the “bonus day”, no? Gov’t being an exception of course.

    • I would love to have the day after off and would gladly give up Columbus Day or Veteran’s Day to get it, but alas, OPM hasn’t caught up with that yet. That being said, since I stay local for Thanksgiving I get major brownie points for providing totally unnecessary “coverage” on that day and therefore never have issues scheduling Christmas leave.

  • Rant: People who scrape yogurt-esque containers, and people who slurp drinks esp. hot drinks. So annoying in an enclosed space.

  • janie4

    Rant: debit card got scammed. Now I have to get a new card.
    Rant: My back has decided to go out. Yesterday morning I was stiff, now I can’t bend over to tie my shoes.

    • Ally

      That stinks. Same thing happened to me a couple of months ago and they ran up $2000 in charges! All worked out but was a royal pain the mean time. Best of luck!

    • I only use my credit card for expenses and then pay the bill in full at the end of each month. I’d rather have the credit card company be on the hook than tying up the money in my checking account!

      • Accountering

        This is me to a T. I put EVERYTHING on my CC and pay the balance in full. Credit card is on the hook for fraud, and I get 2% back on everything I buy!

        • What CC do you use? most are 1% back and can you redeem your points easily?

          • Accountering

            Capital One Venture card. You need good credit, and you can redeem the points for anything travel related (after the fact, using purchase eraser)
            Uber, Metro, Hotels, Flights, Taxis all count. I have had no issues whatsoever using my points.

          • Thanks. What is the value of 1 point. I noticed that the value vary from one CC company to another. E.g. with Chase: 1000 points = $10 with Amex it is way less.

          • Accountering

            2%. 2000 points is earned by spending $1000, and is able to erase $2,000 of purchases.

      • That is definitely the right way to go for a some people. It’s what I do, too. But back when I was younger and not earning as much, I used a debit card to impose discipline. I definitely recommend that younger and less-disciplined people stay away from credit.

      • That’s a great system. But, of course, not everyone qualifies for a credit card, and not everyone who has a credit card can be sure that they can pay off the bill in full at the end of each month. And when you get to the month where you can’t pay it off, that can well lead to more months when you can’t pay it off, which then means that you’re spending money in fees for the privilege of having used your credit card. I don’t have a debit card, and don’t want one, but anyone choosing to use a credit card over using a debit card should be very clear about the disadvantages and the costs of what they’re choosing.

    • I have stopped using my debit card almost entirely. I even have anxiety using the ATM at my bank to withdraw money, so I often just go to the bank counter. I use my credit card because I’m afraid of scammers. CC # was stolen around this time last year and it was very easy for me to be refunded. I was notified almost immediately of suspicious activity and the fraud team at the cc company was very helpful. I’d be in a hard place if someone got a hold of my debit account info.

      • I refuse to have a debit card for this reason — yes, you will get your money back, but in the meantime, they can clean out your account, bills don’t get paid, etc. Any bank will give you a regular ATM card without the visa or mastercard logo and debiting ability if you ask for it, which is what I do.

  • Ally

    Rave: Flying home to see my family in St. Augustine next week.
    Rant: It’s freezing there too — even in Florida!
    Rant: Showing no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever now (had strong ones early one), which is making me paranoid that something’s wrong (even though I continue to test positive). Never thought I’d be hoping for morning sickness! Anyone else just had their symptoms come and go? First trimester = major stress.

    • I never had morning sickness ever. Just really tired the first tri. I totally get the paranoia though, we tried for a LONG time to have a baby. Went to to have an uneventful and healthy preg. take it one day at a time and don’t google too much…it will make you crazy.

      • Ally

        Thank you and I totally agree. I don’t think I knew everything there was to worry about until I hit “the Google.” Glad everything worked out well for you guys! 🙂

    • Re: early symptoms, yes absolutely. I felt terrible pretty much every day (tired, nauseated, bloated) weeks 6 – 9ish, then in week 10 started feeling good more frequently and actually managed to make it back to the gym twice a week. At this point (week 12), it comes and goes, and sometimes I’m even awake till 11pm! I just had an ultrasound yesterday that looked great (baby is very active, right on track in terms of growth, and everything looks good). I also want to put in a shoutout to the babybumps sub-thread on Reddit, which is full of super-nice, supportive women at all stages of pregnancy who will help you feel better about this stuff.

      • Ally

        Thanks! I think I’ll sign up for the Reddit thread (and will stop Googling as much as possible until we’re able to go in for our first checkup). It really can just drive you to paranoia when the littlest thing seems off.

      • wait, I will say that in VERY early pregnancy, there were tummy issues….but I was IVF so a chalked a lot of that up the drugs I had been on and then had to keep taking. But turns out many people have….digestive issues…in early pregnacy.

    • never had morning sickness. Felt totally 100% until the heart burn kicked in at about 25 weeks. Damn these swarthy Jewish genetics!

    • The only symptom I ever had was occasional cramping. I am almost 20 weeks now and only feeling pregnant because I can feel the baby kicking now. I wasn’t really even extra tired or anything.

      • Ally

        Congrats and glad to hear you’re having similar symptoms (or lack thereof) and are further along and doing great! Must be so exciting getting to feel the kicking 🙂

    • Usually the 1st trimester symptoms are gone by the 2nd trimester. The 2nd trimester is usually the higher energy trimester. Then the symptoms comes back to a small degree during the 3rd trimester. So enjoy the respite. As long as your weight and blood pressure are in check, I wouldn’t worry.

  • Andie302

    My sister-in-law is pregnant with her third and has managed the office of an OB-GYN for over 15 years. Despite all the exposure to preganancies, she had the same thing happen to her (a quick end to symtpoms that were pervasive early on) and was concerned. She’s progressed through it and is at 36 weeks now. I’m hoping my niece and I will share 1/1 as a birthday (because my sister-in-law is pretty sure she’s going to give birth before her 1/10 due date)!

  • Rave: i’m the only one in the office today.
    Rant: 1 pm meeting.
    Rave: fantasy basketball keeper league – somehow sitting in 2nd place and looking good for next year if Paul George is healthy.
    Rave: mom and little sister coming over for dinner tonight.
    Rant: dad can’t make it because he has to care for the dog, who, at this point, we are hoping can make it to Thanksgiving.

  • Bear

    Rave: In the home stretch on this proposal.
    Rant: My boss, who is super picky, but doesn’t bother to read through things until 2 days before submission, says he’s not happy with it, but can’t articulate what he’s not satisfied with or how he wants it to be fixed.

  • Rant: Lost my Nana’s bracelet last night at an event when I took off my gloves. Backtracking all my steps hoping to find it or that some good person turned it in.

    Rant: Achey and sore for no good reason. I’ve been working out and riding a bunch but no more than usual.

    Rave: Dry needling and massage. Anyone know of someone who does dry needling in the District? I usually get worked on when in Jersey but would love to find someone here!

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rant: Oh winter, why do you exist?
    Rave: Hot tea.
    Rant: I seem to have injured my arm somehow by just sitting at my desk. I have no idea how I did it.

  • Rave that I never thought I’d have: The Crystal City Underground. Depressing as hell, and not something I’d use normally, but on very cold days it’s nice to not have to be outside for an extra 15 minutes of my commute.

    • +1. If I fly into DCA during winter and no yellow train is present, I’ll hop a blue to Crystal City to get out of the cold.

  • Rant: So many meetings and trainings. My brain hurts and I’d rather be in the classroom with my babies.
    Rave: I get to eat lunch at a decent hour
    Rave: After yesterday’s square pizza at 10:30, my frozen potato leek soup seems luxurious.
    Rave: 4 more days of teaching til Thanksgiving break!

  • epric002

    rant: thumb is still numb/tingly.
    rant: having to find a new PCP.
    rave: puppy seems to be doing well post surgery. he was back to being himself last night, though the pain meds realllllly mellow him out.
    rant: have to do a bandage change tonight. i think this is gonna be tough. smart husband pointed out we should do it as soon as the evening pain meds start to kick in/mellow him out.
    rave: drugged up mellow puppy is suuuuuper cute and snuggly 😛

    • I go to One Medical Group and really really like them. They have a $200 annual fee but I get same day appointments (they even gave me an after hours appt to get diagnosed for whooping cough), have never waited more than a couple minutes to see my doctor, the doctors are really responsive via email, and I just generally feel very well taken care of.

  • Rant: the wait at my lady dr’s office. I Had two appts today and they were 1.25 hours apart. So, the wait was going to be annoying regardless. But now I’ve waited 30 minutes past my appt time, which means I’m nearing 2 hrs in this damned waiting room. Grr. I’m starting to look really angry anytime someone else is called.

  • Rave: Got a call back from the woman at Grant Thornton that i spoke to last week about the new job i applied for. Looks like they want to meet me thursday but hopefully friday…so i can prepare a little bit.
    Rave: Went to the AB-Y yesterday and did not see the ex…good news! I kind of wish i knew who the popvillers were who went to the AB-Y. Maybe one day i will win a popville shirt and people can see who i am. Or ill just come to HH.
    Rant: None really….its cold?

    • You might want to be careful naming names on here. Though the chances someone involved with vetting you will see this are low, it is public.

  • Rant: Giant drill showed up in front of my house in Bloomingdale yesterday to start First Street Tunnel project excavation.
    Rave: Means they’re finally going to get going on the drilling and hopefully wrap up the digging portion by the Spring.
    Rave: Billy Joel and others tonight at DAR for Gershwin Award ceremony.

  • Rant: The holistic doctor my girlfriend’s seeing has had her on various restrictive diets for a couple of months now, and I thought the end was in sight, but now he’s saying she needs to switch to Paleo indefinitely. She doesn’t cook, so it falls on me to prepare meals for us that fit these crazy diets. I used to love cooking and eating and now it’s such a chore.

    • I am going to assume there’s something serious going on that prevents her from doing the cooking, rather than her just refusing to do something she hates, and suggest onceamonthmeals.com. You can select different diets and it gives you all these recipes for big quantities of food that can be stored in the freezer.
      Sorry you’re both going through this. I hope her health improves and this is the last diet restriction in your lives!

      • She hates the idea of cooking and has never tried it. If I don’t cook for her she’ll either starve or eat stuff she’s not supposed to (since I don’t think you can get food at restaurants that is vegetarian and paleo-friendly). I was wondering if there was some kind of paleo club she can join where people share meals.

        • Well, let’s not let her be too dramatic here; she most definitely won’t starve. If she’s the one that has to go on all of these cockamamey diets, then she should be responsible to feeding herself.

          • She actually is capable of not eating all day if nothing’s available. But eventually she’ll break down and eat something crazy like a bag of chips, which IMO is worse than eating something semi-forbidden like a veggie stir fry.

          • Also I hate being one of those couples that has to have separate food!

          • Accountering

            In all honesty, it sounds like there are bigger issues here. You are already starting to resent the need to cook for her everyday (and rightfully so) and I agree, she needs to get in the kitchen and start helping, at least with prep work.
            It sounds like you are taking care of her “If I don’t cook for her she’ll either starve or eat stuff she’s not supposed to” and that is not how a relationship is supposed to go…..

          • absolutely agree with those above. The compromise approach could be that you make a few things she can eat (roasted veggies? a salad?) as a side, and then she’s responsible for figuring the rest of it out. But it’s not at all fair to you to be roped into her specialized cooking.

          • Agreed. She’s an adult, not a child. If she does need to be on this diet, then she should be expected to help with cooking. And it’s not your fault if she breaks her diet because she was unwilling to help cook or come up with alternatives.

        • Unless she’s paying the rent, cooking every meal for her and catering to her holistic diet seems like quite the imbalance in your relationship. Then believing that she as a mature adult that would voluntarily violate her diet makes it seem like you’re enabling her exploitative behavior. Wait for her to cave and eat chips, then call her on it.

    • Might be time to re-evaluate the division of household chores. We do this periodically when schedules or workloads change, when for some inexplicable reason folding laundry suddenly seems like a torture, etc. And while you don’t want to do it every night, there’s nothing wrong with cooking separately and eating together now and then.

      • I think I’ll just have to cook with ingredients that I like occasionally or in small amounts. Like yesterday I snuck paprika into our usual butternut squash soup, and tonight I might use a tiny amount of soy sauce in something.

      • This is a good idea. Also, you may want to consider buying meals that are in various stages of pre-preparation. Almost every type of diet now has some kind of service for delivering frozen meals or fresh meal kits. You may even be able to buy Paleo-friendly frozen foods at Whole Foods. My guess is that those meals might be even cheaper than making them yourself from scratch.

    • epric002

      count me as someone who is baffled that you think you have to be the ONLY one to cook according to your gf’s holistic doctor’s recommendations. it’s nice to accommodate a SO’s dietary restrictions, but i couldn’t imagine expecting/assuming that the other person is responsible for making sure i stick to a (possibly ridiculous) certain diet.

      • I’m on this list too. I’ve needed my own fair share of dietary accommodations, and I’m amazed that my husband is so accommodating about it and know he doesn’t have to be. He basically lets me decide what and where to eat on most occasions, and I’m incredibly lucky for that. But I cook for myself and often for both of us, so I think it’s a pretty balanced situation overall.

      • I guess I’ve just been cooking meals for us for so many years it’s hard to consider doing otherwise! Maybe I’ll go crazy and make chocolate cookies tonight, haha. I so miss baking.

        • Do you usually not bake just because she can’t/won’t eat what you’re baking? That also sounds a bit off to me. If you like baking, I’m not sure why her diet should keep you from doing that.

      • Ally

        Agreed. I’m a vegetarian and, while my fiance is a bacon-loving sweetheart who occasionally cooks me vegetarian meals, we pretty much forage for ourselves or, if I’m cooking, I’ll make something meaty for him and something veggie for me (if my option would make his skin crawl).

    • So, your girlfriend is still insisting her difficulties are physical? Did she ever seek psychiatric care? I remember previous posts about her, and it all sounded (and continues to sound) very much like no medicine or diet will address her troubles.

      • (Ex-) Wonky stomach girl here again. Sometimes the line between mind and body is fuzzy. Sometimes you need to treat the mind to treat the “gut”, and sometimes it’s the other way around. I think treating both makes a lot of sense.

      • This. And, while she is not improving, apparently, you’re losing something that used to give you joy. And, to be clear, the claims supporting paleo diet are at best dubious. You can focus on fresh, simply prepared and largely unprocessed food and enjoy cooking without chaining yourself to a fad. Heck, that’s probably what you did anyway, before you were roped into this.

      • I don’t think I’ve posted about it (haven’t been on here much lately).

        • If you weren’t a few months back, someone with exactly the same issue was!

        • That’s what you said last time! It was at least several months ago. And the time before was several months or more before that.

          • She’s only been seeing this doctor since mid-September or early October. And I know I wasn’t commenting on RRR in September or October.
            I may have had a similar rant when she was on an ayuvedic diet but that was at least 2 years ago. 🙂

          • Please insist on some couples counseling, at the very least. It’s not fair for her health problems, physical or psychiatric, to dominate you.

    • Um, tell her that crazy diets are quackery and you’re willing to work with her on reasonable food but you won’t be limited and beleaguered by a fad.

      • This sounds a bit extreme to me, honestly. I’ll stand up for those of us with wonky stomachs and say that some trial and error can really help sorts things out. Good partners will be patient during that trial and error.

        • Yeah that’s what I’m trying to do. I definitely question it but try to be supportive. She’ll keep seeing this doctor regardless of what I say or do, and I’d rather not sabotage his plan since he charges something like $400 a visit.

          • The more I hear about this, the more I think that you’re taking on -all- of her burdens not to sabotage her diet. She needs to take at least 50% of that responsibility, if not more. It’s her body.

          • This is ridiculous and your GF is sucker. Come on, see the forest for the trees.
            There’s plenty of legit doctors out there who could diagnose this, if it is in fact a medical issue. For $400 she could eat as healthy as she desires.

          • I’m trying not to add more negativity here because you seem like a very kind person and I think your girlfriend’s medical concerns may be legitimater.

            That said, there really seems to be an imbalance here. You seem like you’re doing so much to try to help her, but it sounds like she’s not willing to do the same for herself. It’s going to be hard for her to heal if she doesn’t take responsibility for her own healing. Showing up at the doctor’s office and handing off the treatment to you is not really taking responsibility.

            I’m also skeptical that she’ll get the answers she needs from a $400/visit doctor (is it Dr. Chutkan? I love her, but don’t think she’s worth the money I spent to see her. There are other fish in the sea and they don’t cost a fortune/do accept insurance). I’m also very skeptical of the paleo diet, personally, but can’t fault your girlfriend simply for trying different approaches to feeling better.

            There are really simple elimination diets she could try if she wants to figure out what her sensitivities are so she can just avoid those triggers. They’re a longer-term solution and they’re easy-ish.

  • Just found out Rave: I can work remotely over the holidays. I’m not going anywhere, but if I can do my mundane job duties while watching trashy daytime tv, I’m a happy camper.
    Also means more time with Dogzilla which is always a plus in my book.

  • Rave: Escaping this cold for a work trip to California.
    Rant: Cyclist accidents. Anyone know if the cyclist on the ground at New Hampshire and 17th around 5:30 yesterday is OK? Saw a bunch of police and bystanders …

  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: House/dogsitters who inexplicably move incompatible remote controls from room to room. After I finally got everything sorted out I had an extra remote control. Since he also has a gig helping out a bedridden invalid, I’m wondering if it belongs to that poor guy.

    Rant: House/dogsitters when asked to clean the Wiccan ceremony paraphernalia out of the fireplace (sage and candles) does so but leaves a mini-cauldron filled with coins so money will flow into the house.

    Neither: Well it’s not hurting anything… 😉

    Rave: This cold weather is putting me in a holiday mood. I think I am going to put up a tree for the first time in a couple of years and I hope PoP will have Holiday Decoration of the Day posts. Who’s with me?

  • Rant: My one-year-old woke up from a nap, pointed to the closet, and kept saying “Ghost. Ghost. Ghost.” She knows that word from Halloween, when there was a ghost decoration for a couple of weeks at daycare. Never mentioned it until yesterday. Creeps me out. Especially because we keep hearing things over our baby monitor that are weird, and there’s no one that lives around us that has a baby monitor.

    Rave: My only day of work between now and Thanksgiving is next Monday. Excited for the possibility of a nap!

    • At least he’s not pointing at the tv and saying, “They’re heeeeeeere”

    • The priests at Sacred Heart will come over, free of charge, and cast out any spirits that might be hanging around. I understand it is appropriate to give a donation to the church in return, though.

    • Don’t freak. Those who study these things say young children often see spirits. They may not be haunted house type folks, but could be some one from your own family. Talk to you child about the ghost – the decoration at child care likely implied that they are necessarily scary, and this one may not be.

      Don’t freak about the baby monitor sounds – they pick up all kinds of radio communications, like truckers, or CB radio hobbyists – the sounds may not be coming from your home. Set up a video camera in your child’s room to see if you are really concerned.

      • We have a video baby monitor. We hear weird noises, and then hear noises of her mobile being hit to turn music on, but she’ll still be completely asleep. We hear her favorite toy making its noise it makes, but sure enough, when we look, it’s securely under her arm and she’s not moving. It’s freaky, yo.

        • I must hear more about this. I’m fascinated.

          • Ok- two more instances of stuff happening over the past 2 weeks.
            1) Both my husband and I have seen this separate of each other. We have a storm door, new and secure, outside of our front door. I’ve heard it open most/all of the way, like someone was going to knock on our front door, and then shut again. No wind. Run outside, no one is there at all. He thought I was crazy until it happened to him.

            2) I got a phone call today at my desk. My husband wanted to know what I wanted. I was confused. He said “Well, caller ID says you just called me from your desk, and I picked up, and it just kind of hung up. I tried calling you back, it made a weird noise, so I tried again, and you just picked up just now.” But I HADN’T called him at all today.

            This is starting to get stupid. I’m trying to find rational explanations for some of this stuff, but it’s hard.

          • So freaky! I’m not going to lie, at this point my first thought would be ghost as well. Although I will say that I don’t know if your child would necessarily associate the daycare ghost decoration with an actual one. From everything I have read (I have a slight interest/obsession in reading about these things), a ghost most likely wouldn’t look like one of the decorations. Is there something white in her closet she is pointing at? Please keep us updated on this!

          • @amandal, I’ll post again if anything else happens. The closet door was closed, and her room is kept really clean. She usually asks for a book or a snack when she wakes up, but this time, she was apparently just pointing at something and saying that. So weird.

      • “Those who study these things say young children often see spirits.”
        Who might they be?

    • PoP, I detect a trend — and you might need to start a “Smudge Stick: Necessary or Not?” thread. I Don’t Get It can curate.

  • RANT: Feeling like Sysiphus, pushing that boulder up the mountain over and over, just to have it come crashing downright before I reach the top, every time. 3rd work project this year that has been cancelled literally right before the finish line after months of work. The methaphor also works for my dating life. SIGH

    • “I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” — AC

  • rant: I wish I only had something about the Metro or online dating to rant about today. I’m afraid that my father hasn’t been communicating just how badly my mother is doing health-wise, and I wish I was there with them instead of all the way on the other side of the country. I’m scheduled to fly out Friday morning, but I wish I was there NOW.

  • Rant: I was going to complain about a variety of things…poor sleep, a malfunctioning thermostat, etc. and then I heard that a coworker’s baby was born three month premature yesterday and died this morning. Kind of puts my complaints into perspective.

    • This makes me so, so sad. If your colleague is looking for a support group, there’s a wonderful one on Capitol Hill — see capitolmissfoundation.org

    • Accountering

      Oh man, this took my breath away. So sad for her and partner/family and friends. That sucks…

      • My coworker is actually the partner in this situation. We work in a military organization and I really hope he’s given the time and space to be gentle to himself. While this is a horrible situation for both of them, sometimes I feel as though fathers aren’t allowed/don’t allow themselves to grieve.

    • KSB

      Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your coworker and all who are mourning that sweet baby.

  • Question: of my 46 kids, 80% of them speak Spanish at home, I have 3 Spanish-only newcomers, and fewer than half of the Spanish-speaking parents speak English. I took a couple years in high school and a semester or two of Spanish in college, but I would like to be able to communicate with these parents more effectively at times. Where would be a good, cheap, place to take another class? Or a good conversation circle?

    • Accountering

      I don’t have any recommendations for spanish, perhaps Rosetta Stone, but just wanted to comments and say that it sounds like you are really good at this thing! That school and those kids are incredibly lucky to have you!

    • GLN if you can get in next semester. The Duolingo app is good for brushing up.

    • epric002

      www . graduateschool . edu (used to be USDA grad school) has foreign language classes available, including conversational and evenings/weekends options. i’ve never taken one there, but keep meaning to 🙂

    • jim_ed

      There are a ton of churches in the eastern MoCo / PG County area that offer courses teaching English to Spanish speakers. Maybe try teaching one a week? It wouldn’t cost you anything and would also get you conversing in the dialects of Spanish you’re likely to encounter at work.

      • If you’re teaching English as a foreign language, it is likely immersion and you should be speaking no Spanish at all!

        • Iindsay’s original post said “I would like to be able to communicate with [Spanish-speaking] parents more effectively at times.”

    • If you already speak some Spanish, I would discourage you from taking the USDA classes, I found them to be very basic. It may be different with different teachers but I found I was really far ahead of my classmates with just my basic knowledge from High School.

      Carlos Rosario International School in Columbia Heights offers Spanish classes. I think they use the funds to provide English classes for low income Spanish speakers but it’s not cheap. If you are teaching in DC, it might be a good community to work with and they may have some helpful ideas on communicating with parents. Also, if you really want to learn and do an intensive program, language schools in Guatemala are cheap and can really give you a boost in your language skills–even in as little as 2 weeks.

    • Also, if you are teaching in a school with a union, check your union contract. Most unions negotiate a continuing education credit. It’s a benefit to help pay for continuing education for employees. Most people don’t check it out but it can be quite valuable.

  • Mike

    Making a concerted effort to focus only on revel-worthy items…
    Revel: 5:00am runs with the pup. Absolutely freezing, but such a great way to get going. Plus, I feel less guilty about her pent-up energy during the day if I can tire her out before I leave in the morning.
    Revel: using the oven again. I’ve been roasting veggies and chickens for the past few weeks, and using the bones/leftovers to make my own bone broth. Mega WIN.
    Revel: Things at the office and in the classroom both seem to be *finally* moving in the right direction. Note to self: keep it this way.
    Revel: Friends and Better Half who keep me laughing with their antics.

  • Question/Advice: if I accept a job and onboard and then get another job a few weeks later with better pay and a pension, is it wrong to leave the first job for the second?

    • Everyone reasonable understands that it happens. It won’t destroy your reputation. (Unless someone unreasonable gets upset by it, but then, we’re all at the mercy of crazy people hiding out in workplaces.) I would only jump if I were totally sure it was a better gig all around.

    • Depends on your field. In some (like academia) you will trash your reputation for ever getting another job again. In others, no problem.

      But consider more than pay and pension, as there is much more to job satisfaction than that. I know from experience that great pay and pension will not make me keep a job I am otherwise dissatisfied with.

    • Hell no. Get that paper.
      Just tell the first job that “This isn’t the right fit for me.” They would have no qualms letting you go in the first few months if you were not fitting into your role/the team. Do you have a probationary period?

    • This happened in my (government) agency. Given how long it takes to hire people in government, I thought it was bad form for the person to jump ship.
      Not as big of a deal in the private sector, I’d imagine.

  • Rave: good job offer!
    Rant: My ex sent me an email at 7am this morning. Our breakup has been a long, drawn out, and painful process. I finally told her about a week ago that I didn’t think we should talk (after finding out she was seeing someone else). It’s been rough. She said she had “thoughts and questions” and I said fine, shoot me an email. Then suddenly she’s too busy at work and will “try to hurry up and draft one.” Now I’m regretting even responding at all.

    • Oof. It’s not your responsibility to figure things out for her. Tell her thanks for her thoughts, but she’s the one who needs to address the questions.
      I would argue that no breakup is long and drawn out (maybe the breakdown of the relationship is). Once you decide it’s over and tell the other person, it’s over. She’s keeping you roped in so she doesn’t have to deal with her own problems. If she needs someone to talk to about what is unresolved, she should go to talk therapy.

    • give her the good old fashion cold shoulder. Do not respond to her questions….let her sit on her insecurities….let he crave closure, but never give her that. Sounds like she doesnt deserve it.

    • If you really meant that you didn’t think that the two of you should talk, then you should stick to that. She may or may not send the e-mail, but if she does, you don’t have to be drawn into whatever she mentions. You can calmly and politely say something like it does indeed seem like she has a lot to process, unfortunately, the healthiest thing for you to do is to step back from it all. If she’s seeing someone else, than you may have a lot of thoughts and questions to process as well, and it’s probably quite honest to point out to your ex that she may not be the person that you need to process them with.

    • Thank you for the thoughtful responses, they’re very helpful. Upon further reflection, I agree jeslett that the breakdown of the relationship was long and drawn out, and not the actual breakup. It’s sometimes hard to remind myself of that considering she “ended” things in May, but has wanted to continue varying degrees of a relationship since then. Even having a week of space and no contact has allowed me to step back and more objectively evaluate the situation. I think this was just an attempt to reopen a line of communication/keep me from moving on and I fell for it. I agree that continuing no contact is the most healthy thing for me. Plus, even if I wanted to, I don’t think anyone is capable of giving another person closure, it’s a door that you have to shut on your own. Anyway, thanks for being a sounding board. I don’t have a lot of those in DC since most of my friends are also mutual friends with her.

  • KSB

    Rant: The “school choice” farce. It’s year three of this disaster for us (open houses, lottery, etc.) and I’m just so tired of it. I know exactly which schools would be perfect for each of my children. They have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting into either of them. So here we go again, searching for the lesser of the evils…

  • Rave: Coming home to two dogs tonight, and I’ll have two dogs until erly next week. Jet’s “cousin” should keep her busy these next few days.

    (potential) Rant: They can be kind of destructive when they’re together. Last time, they nearly destroyed one of my favorite cd box sets (all of my cd box sets are now out of dog range.)

  • I Dont Get It

    Bonus Rave: I decided that I needed a new winter coat–I haven’t needed one the past few years. Being on the cutting edge of fashion I decided to get a gray pea coat and have been looking online for one. In the meantime I thought I should launder my beat-up thin coat from Old Navy so I looked for it in the rarely opened second floor coat closet I(who puts a coat closet on the second floor?) and discovered a gray pea coat in my size! SCORE! Did someone leave this? Did I purchase and forgot about it? I can see from old pictures the past few years I’m wearing the Old Navy coat so I dunno. Wish I could find the broom that is missing!

    • Missing broom? That sounds like something the smudger might take off with (or take off riding).

      • I Dont Get It

        Mind you I lost a mop in this house last summer so I can’t automatically assume it was him. This house loses things on its own!

        • I Dont Get It

          Ok now I’m getting creeped out. After I posted above I went in the guest room and found the long missing mop. I took it downstairs and noticed the missing broom in the living room.

          • Andie302

            Maybe it’s the coins…money’s isn’t exactly flowing in, but it is staying in if you don’t have to replace all this stuff 🙂

    • I think it’s the same ghost spooking other people and bestowing favors on you. Like the ghost of robin hood, but more just confused.

    • Agree that you need to address the broom issue with your housesitter.
      As for the second-story coat closet, that’s a linen closet, silly! Old houses don’t have coat closets, because when they were built, you owned one coat, and a coat tree upon which to hang it.

      • I Dont Get It

        Wouldn’t a linen closet have shelves? Its not original, it was added in the 80s.

        • I too was going to suggest it was (originally) a linen closet, but since you say it was added in the ’80s, I guess it _is_ a hall/coat closet. How odd.

          • epric002

            our house was built in 1921 and we too have an upstairs hall closet that was not a linen closet (no shelves). we had shelves added and now use it as an extra linen closet (there was already 1 in the bathroom).

      • Our house has both a linen closet and a coat closet upstairs.

    • Maybe you should leave a thank you note for the gray peacoat in the closet — and see what happens. I think it’s cool that your wish was granted so quickly!

    • Emmaleigh504

      The money in the fireplace is working!

  • Rave – Fellow beer fans I thought this was cool

    https://www. craftfund. com/

    Crowdfunding for the Craft Beer & Craft Food Communities

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