Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user  wolfpackWX

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

311 Comment

  • Bear

    Rant: Sprained my ankle on the way to the train this morning. I really hate this week so far.

  • palisades

    Rave: Long weekend in Philly starting Thursday! Best friend moved there last year and haven’t been able to visit him until now. Anything I shouldn’t miss? I’ve been there before and done all the touristy stuff.

    • Aglets

      Mutter Museum!

    • I HIGHLY recommend getting breakfast at Honest Tom’s Tacos in West Philly. I have dreams about their breakfast burrito.
      If tickets are available, I think the Barnes is worth it. But mostly when we go up there we walk, eat, and drink. If you like cocktails I recommend Ranstead Room, it’s far far better than Franklin Mortgage.

      • I second the Barnes recommendation. Just an unbelievable collection of art.

        • Is the new location open? It used to be interesting because it was as Barnes himself collected and displayed it. I don’t see the interest of visiting in the new location. It is not a good collection. There’s a lot of it, but it’s like a Worst Of compilation of famous impressionist painters. I’d rather not have a Monet than have a crap Monet, aesthetically speaking.

          • It’s been open for a couple of years. The collection is displayed exactly as Barnes had it in the original location, but I mean, if you hate the collection, you hate the collection.

          • Yeah, all the rooms are exactly the same and the art is hung exactly the same, it’s the spacing between the rooms and the additional spaces for other programs that are different. I’ve been to both and the experience is the same, but maybe even less claustrophobic in the new one because of the “clutter breaks” you get here and there. Also, the new building is just stunning.

    • Love the Franklin Fountain and the super tiny sushi BYOB next door (Uzu).

    • Taconnelli’s pizza. Seriously old school. Call in advance to reserve a pie. Tony Luke’s under the interstate for roast pork sandwiches.

      • Allison

        Heh, heh. “Tony Luke’s under the interstate” sounds like somewhere the mafia sends you when they’re no longer pleased with you. “Hey hey, you better get on board with this or you’re gonna take a trip down to Tony Luke’s under the interstate!”

    • Get out into Fairmount Park and enjoy the incredible beauty out there – hit up Belmont Plateau and Lemon Hill. Also, check out Penn Park (views are pretty awesome!) and make sure to head to Italian Market to grab all the awesome foodstuffs there.

    • Dmitri’s greek restaurant. The one in Queen Village is amazing, though I think they have at least one more location now.

    • pablo .raw

      Also, if you go to that park where the LOVE sign is, don’f forget to have your photo taken with Jesus 😉

    • Reading Terminal Market for a hot turkey sandwich. Man I love that thing.

  • Rant: On what could be the last nice weather day that I’m off work, I got very sick from OTC cold meds.
    Rave: My lady friend drove me to urgent care and took care of me basically all day. Really would have struggled without her.
    Rant: Still in pain!
    Rant: The homebuying waiting game.
    Rave: Packed a lunch I hope my stomach is up for eating later.

  • Aglets

    Rave: Getting a haircut today but really I’m looking forward to the shampoo. The salon must specifically train the ladies who handle the shampooing because they are amazing. If i had the means i would go there weekly just for the shampoo.
    Rave: This weather! I know we’ll be paying for it in a few days but man, the last three days have been totally gorgeous.
    Rave: cute office supplies due to arrive today! They better arrive today! Or else this will be my only rant for the day (which is pretty great)

    • I used to be a shampoo assistant and there are people who come in just for a shampoo – they’re regular clients but want a shampoo. As long as you tip well, I don’t think they’d have a problem with it. But people do LOVE getting a head scrub from a shampoo assistant. And none of this wimpy blah shampooing – gotta put some umph in it.

      It was a great job – I made good money. Tip your shampoo assistant well because it’s a very difficult job (usually). I did laundry, cleaned, and was on my feet the enter day plus cleaning up. But it was a good job!

      • Aglets

        What is a good tip usually? I usually tip $5-7 (a cut is about $60-65 i think).

        • That’s a very good tip if you’re not getting color.
          I generally do $5 for a shampoo assistant and I get no color. If the person who cuts my hair also washes it, I add a few bucks. If you get color, add to that (I would personally do $10 to have whole head color removed, $7-8 for highlights and if they add tonor and do other stuff, a few more dollars. $7 is a lot unless it’s an amazing massage or something. Also, Bliss has a specific massage for your head/neck/back that has an amazing scalp massage if you’re feeling fancy.

          • Aglets

            I only pretty much ever just get a cut and occasionally color on my own thanks to the John Frieda foaming dyes. Thanks for the Bliss tip- I do, on occasion, feel fancy.

          • What a timely thread! I was going to ask how much to tip stylists and shampoo assistants since I don’t get my hair cut in salons regularly. I gather $5-$6 is a typical tip for a shampoo. $7 is a lot unless it goes beyond a wash.

            How much do you tip the stylist? I usually stick to cuts around $65 but I might try out a new place that charges $80. I don’t get any color done.

          • for hair, I usually do 20% or so. On an $80 cut, I’d give $15. And if it’s a different person shampooing and you’ve got medium length hair and just get a wash, $3-4 is probably fine. I personally always tip assistants more because I was one and know it’s a hard job. Not to say you need to, that is.

      • So, I’ve never tipped a shampoo person separately, I’ve always assumed the stylist shares some of the tip. Is that wrong?

    • I go to Molecule and the ladies who work there are the best. It’s a 5-10 minute shampoo/conditioner process, including an amazing massage.

    • Have you tried one of the blow out bars? It adds up to get blowouts all the time, but their shampoos are amazing. I’ve fallen asleep at the sinks it was so relaxing.

      • Aglets

        I haven’t- my hair is kinda Carrie Brownstein length/texture so unless there’s a diffuser on the blow dryer it seemed pointless to me. Are dry bars mostly for long haired girls? i swear I failed at being a girl in my teens/twenties and i’m trying to make up for it now!

        • I only go to Dry Bar – they have short hair styles in the books. I have very long hair (can’t wait to get it cut) and I LOVE going. But it’s $$$$ so I only do it when I need to.

        • I think they’ll blow it out completely straight for you. I don’t know about leaving it curly – I’m naturally curly but usually wear it straight and I’ve always had them straighten it. If I’m paying for it, I’m going make someone else do all the work :). They’re usually really good about doing whatever you want though.

        • I had a great experience at Blo Dry Bar in Dupont on my bday last week. I have really curly hair which right now is on the short side (got a short cut so I can grow it out for my wedding next fall) they did a great job!

  • laduvet

    RAVE: This time tomorrow I will be in Jamaica to celebrate my 30th year of life.
    Rant: didn’t exactly lose the weight i wanted to, to be bikini ready, but whatever I like my food and booze.

    • YEAH 30!!!! Happy Bday! All of my friends are panicking over turning 30. I say BRING IT. 2 friends and I are celebrating our 30ths in Costa Rica in January. Cannot wait!

    • Don’t worry about the weight loss. Every time I take a cruise I try to get “bikini ready” and then when I get to the ship and see the other passengers I wonder why I bothered. Same thing has got to apply at resorts/beaches/etc.

    • skj84

      You’re going to Jamaica for dirty 30. Don’t worry about bikini ready and enjoy all the food and drink you’d like! Happy Birthday and welcome to the best decade of your life!

  • Rant: still sick, but at work. I can’t tell if I’m getting better or just getting used to this stuffiness/cold thing.
    Rave: creative inspiration keeps on going. Woohoo.
    Rant: job complaints.

  • Rant: http://wamu.org/news/14/11/11/dc_streetcar_launch_held_up_by_paperwork_problems

    I swear not only is this streetcar line flatout stupid buy DDOT can’t get their shit together. Itself already bad enough we have a streetcar line that goes from nowhere to Union station (not even really at the station but on Hopscotch bridge) but incompetent people can’t do their damn jobs. I say scrap most of the street car plans and do two things:

    A. Find a way to feed the streetcar line directly into the station and B. extend the line east to Benning road station maybe even into Marshall Heights.

    • I find that the walk from the streetcar station into the main part of Union Station is not too bad, and of course the intercity buses are right there. It is a hike to the Metro though.
      The next part to be built will be the extension to Benning Rd. Metro. The current cars and maintenance facility are sufficient for that extension. I have no doubt that this will be built regardless, and relatively soon.
      The extension to Georgetown will require a new carbarn, 9 new streetcars, a new Hopscotch Bridge, a reconstructed K St., etc. Supposedly this has already been budgeted, so hopefully it will happen.
      When the new Hopscotch Bridge is built, there will be a new Union Station streetcar stop a little to the west of the current one, that will have stairs and elevators connecting to an underground passageway that will run right into the north mezzanine of the Union Station Metro. That passageway has actually been there since the station was built in 1976, for whatever reason it was never connected to H St. You can see it in the mezzanine at the bottom of the escalators, there’s just a door in the center, but you can clearly see the flattened oval shape of a Metro passageway.
      Who knows what the timetable for that is, though.

  • rave: Yesterday was a much needed day off. I slept in, did some baking, read a lot, and relaxed. I’m feeling more prepared for the fray today.
    rave: I gave a friend some good advice and talked her off a ledge this morning. At what age, if any, do money and finances cease to be so anxiety provoking?

    • The age when people learn to budget and/or accept where they are in life and live within their means.

    • Emmaleigh504

      death. My grandmother lived a very nice, comfortable life, never had money problems, had as much ac as she wanted, and still thought she was going broke the next day. my grandfather would explain they were fine, and that would last a while, but then she’s be back to saving weird stuff b/c they were going broke.

      • My mother is like that. They are so flush, from years of frugal living (thrift stores, eating every bit of leftovers, sleeping in the car on vacations, etc) and always saving half of dad’s very good paycheck. He’s over 70 now and she won’t let him retire, because she’s worried about outliving the money. But they don’t spend anything! It drives me nuts.

    • Well, there’s no set age, but like most things in life, as you get older you’ll probably realize that most things aren’t nearly as important as you thought they were when you were younger. I don’t think it’s even really about age, it’s about maturity and experience. Some people get there quickly, some slowly, some never at all.

    • At the age when you have a guaranteed, decent, income for the rest of your life. Until then, there is stress.

    • I never worried about money and finances in the past, even as a grad student I always had enough to do what i wanted and save a little, but now that I’m getting older and working for a crappy salary my anxiety is increasing, b/c I simply can’t set aside enough to make me comfortable about retirement (I’m already maxing out), especially given the cost of housing and my inability to purchase rather than rent. So it all depends, for some of us it only gets worse over time.

    • Aglets

      I don’t think they ever cease provoking anxiety. This morning, even Howard Stern admitted he thinks of himself as ‘flat broke’….so…yeah, i’m going with never.

    • Andie302

      I used to stress about this alot. I’m all for planning and saving (maxing out where you can, really thinking about how your money can work for you) but ultimately the stress doesn’t help you make or save money any faster. I know that barring some kind of personal financial nuclear meltdown that I couldn’t prepare for anyway, I’m never going to have to worry about my next meal, the roof over my head, reliable transportation, or even being able to help someone else out when I’m inclined. Thinking of it that way has allowed me to let go of a lot of the stress.

    • The age at which you have enough money for all of your needs and the most important of your wants — and enough money to cover the unexpected. Most people that I know don’t get there. They may have paid for their houses — only to have taxes go up; they may have unexpected health care issues and expenses — and had to deal with paying for assisted living, medical intervention not covered by health insurance, etc. I think another issue is having family and community resources — which provide assistance and services that would cost crazy money if you had to pay out of pocket.
      I feel lucky that I’ve had several decades of minimal anxiety — because my plans coincided with my income, and because I had a safety net. I worry about the future though, because I don’t have the resources and safety nets that supported my parents when they needed it.

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rant: The Capital Weather Gang’s winter outlook.
    Rave: I do have a new, very warm winter coat. Maybe I won’t wish for death every day like I did last winter.
    Rave: Quick trip to Atlanta tomorrow for a celebratory dinner with my dissertation adviser and his other students.

    • Emmaleigh504

      tell his wife hi for me! (she won’t remember me, but I was in her grad program)

    • SFT

      I’m not sure what kind of science machine the CWG uses, but I wouldn’t put my money on their predictions. Did they even really give us a prediction other than winter is going to be cold with some snow!?! My favorite line from the article is… “A widespread event of 6-10 inches is more likely — perhaps a 50-50 chance”. So CWG, what you are telling us is that a big snow event may or may not happen. Thanks!

  • Rant: People on the bus who think they get to dictate other people. I am 25 and “look” like I would be in great shape but I recently had back surgery due to a sports injury and can barely stand up without major pain. Every morning though I have some busy body telling me I should get up so some old lady can sit down. They don’t know her condition or mine yet feel the need to decide who needs the seat more. Piss off you nosy nincompoop!

    • Aglets

      oh that’s terrible….I wish you a speedy and comfortable recovery….people are so quick to judge others- i’m certainly guilty of it a lot…

    • I think if I were you I would just say “I’ve recently had back surgery.” It gets them off your back, and maybe makes them stop and think twice about judging so quickly. I hope you have a quick recovery!

  • pablo .raw

    Rant: Still waiting for medical results, I wast told today is when they are going to tell me
    Rant: Missing Metallica last night and Dave Grohl
    Rant: Working in a abandoned building while people are trying to break in, one got in the building and I had to confront him and ask him to leave.
    Rave: not working at the office, which means better food options!

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: Bronchitis knocked me on my ass.
    Rave: Staying home today.
    Rant: out of PTO and I just know my bosses think I’m faking. Some else called in, too. Hope the pregnant woman can last the day! (per contract 1 of us has to be there a full day)
    Rave: my bed

    • Can you “work from home” and call a boss with a work-related issue so you can hack up a lung while on the phone? Sometimes getting e-mails during the day and/or hearing you actually being sick lends credibility.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Cannot work from home. I”m not really concerned about it. I’ll be in tomorrow and one of the bosses will hear me 🙂 or they could fire me. I’m ok with that scenario, too.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Rant: No Lipton’s soup in the house! How will I ever get well?! Send Lipton’s!

  • rant: child will NOT sleep. It’s like “hello, I’m 1 now, so screw you!”. Which is great for my anxiety.
    rave: he is lucky he’s very cute
    rave: so many people had a positive report from last night’s concert!
    rant: had to give our VIP tix away….sigh….man, we’re old!

    • Ugh, that sucks. What’s the situation?

      • he just won’t go to or stay asleep. He’s basically woken up twice (maybe once if I’m lucky) a night but easily gone back to sleep with a diaper change a calming —-he gets a wet diaper and can’t get himself comfortable, it seems. but now, even when I put him down to sleep he screams. And hes been waking up more often and taking longer to go to sleep. It started when he was sick – we were just extra gentle/loving/ect and now he’s like “wait, you dont want me to sleep in your arms all night? Ok, then no sleep!”. We’ve been giving tylonol at night in case it’s bigger teeth coming in (he only has 6), but I HATE letting him cry at 3am because we have neighbors. It’s not fair to them.

        • Oh yuck. And if you’re worried about neighbors with crying, then some of the sleep training methods aren’t really going to be possible. If you think it’s teething, have you tried ibuprofen instead of tylenol? It lasts quite a bit longer and is more effective in my experience. But yeah, sometimes being sick (or in our case – travel, jet lag, and molars seemingly all at once) can throw things off. Maybe it’s just a phase and will correct itself in time? Our most recent sleep regression yuckiness lasted roughly 6 weeks. It was brutal, and we almost resorted to returning to Ferber methods that worked well at 8mo, but then she started sleeping better again. Hugs and lots of sleep-wishes!

          One other thought on the diaper issue – are you using overnight diapers? I think they’re more absorbant, so perhaps he’d be less uncomfortable if he gets wet during the night? Just trying to grasp at straws with you–I know how tough sleep struggles can be.

          • SFT

            I didn’t know about overnight diapers – I’m going to give this a try. My guy wakes up around 4am EVERY morning and wants to be changed. I hope this helps. Thanks!!!!!

          • Absolutely! I’m glad it may be a helpful suggestion. They were key for us when my daughter was still nursing twice a night, and we’ve just gone back to them since she seems to be drinking more in the evenings sometimes. Good luck!

        • SFT

          The same thing happened to us right before my guy turned 1 – he was sick, we cuddled and rocked him more than usual, and then when he was well he still wanted the cuddles and rocks. I think it was also coupled with teething and a developmental milestone (he started walking right after) It lasted a loooOooong 2 weeks! Could this be Wonder Week 55? I used my pregnancy pillow and laid down next to his crib while he calmed himself. To me it was better than holding him. I only had to do it for a couple of nights until he was back to his old sleeping patterns again. Maybe try that? Good luck!

          • so, I’ve TRIED to cosleep…which I’d be fine with. But nope. we put more soft toys in his crib (I had no pregnancy pillow). And SFT – my kid is around 4AM (sometimes 3/3:30) with the diaper too. PART of the problem with the diaper is that he doesn’t consume much liquid during the day – we try…oh lord do we try – so before bed he ends up downing a 6-8oz bottle. And nevermind the 6AM giant poops (his digestions seems to be off, too, so I think he’s also a bit uncomfortable). I think the bigger problem is that I need a night off. We don’t have the means. When we go home for thanksgiving, my husband is taking the kid to his mom’s for a night so I can just sleep. Odds are, I won’t be able to!

        • You might want to get him checked for an ear infection, especially if it’s after a cold. That sounds like my son when he has one- we went a week or two with his first one, thinking it was sleep regression, but it was a bad ear infection in both ears. Because he generally had a sunny disposition during the day, we didn’t suspect it was illness.

          • did he have a fever or anything? I was wondering this, too, but his ears aren’t red. The nanny thinks it’s teeth breaking through. Should we give it a day or two more?

  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: My “All About that Bass” earworm.
    Rave: I’m going to see my dad and his wife in Senior Citizen Land, FL this weekend.
    Rave: Practicing conversation starters such as “Inflation has been practically zero for years” and “Actually high gasoline prices are a good thing for society.”
    Rant/Rave: My father is concerned that bringing my protein powder in my luggage will get me arrested by TSA.

  • Reminder — Gin and Gardening gathering on Sunday evening (Nov 16th) at 6:30 pm at Acre 121. Come drink gin (or other adult beverage) and talk about gardening (and other related topics). No gardening experience needed!

  • Is it my imagination or is Victoria missing? Come back, Victoria!

    • I’m here – was away for a great weekend in Front Royal and still catching up. But I’m there for G & G. Could I perhaps suggest The Heights instead of Acre 121? They have much better Happy hour deals & food, plus a large round table in the back that seats about 12 we could use. Or the front lounge area.

  • Rant: Still battling roaches, though fortunately we see FAR fewer than we used to. And our roach-killing techniques have been honed quite well these last couple of months
    Rant: Discovered our (indoor-only!) cats have fleas yesterday. Ugh. Bad kitty mommies for not being on top of flea-prevention drops. I see many days of combing kitties in our future, in addition to meticulous administration of flea-preventative every month. At least only two rooms in our house are carpeted?
    Rave: Still nice out today for now? Got to hang out with my cranky toddler yesterday? I know! I got a good night’s sleep last night, even if I should have gone to bed earlier. I don’t remember waking up at all until just before the alarm went off!

    • how the heck did your indoor kitties get fleas?? i have two indoor cats and i never do anything to help prevent fleas… now i’m scared i should be!

      • It isn’t common for an indoor cat to get fleas, but it is possible as a flea can come in on a person. I’ve had cats for 20 years and never fleas, but a friend did have this issue.

      • My vet and my sister (also a vet) have strongly recommended using flea preventatives because people can track fleas in on their clothes sometimes. We had resolved to do so, but didn’t actually keep up on it. Different vets have different opinions on how often you should use preventatives for indoor cats without any issues; I imagine we’ll do monthly until the problem goes away, and then go to every other month.

    • Don’t panic – but once your cats have fleas, there is a chance of tapeworms as well. Not a huge chance, but just keep an eye on their poops and check their bottoms for evidence. And if you do start using topical flea medicine, be sure to separate them until it drys – if they lick each other the stuff really makes their mouth foam.

      • Yuck, I’ll keep an eye out for the tapeworms just in case. And good reminder about the flea medicine; fortunately they were both sleeping when I applied it yesterday, so they stayed where they were for awhile.

  • Rant: Despite years of this whole walking business, mastering climbing stairs is still not in my wheelhouse. Gallery Place commuters, you’re welcome for the laughs at my expense after I ate it this morning.
    Rant: My company is struggling pretty bad financially, which everyone here is well aware of. However, this has not stopped my staff from clamoring for raises, even though none of them have done a damn thing to deserve one. Ugh.
    Rant: Upper management here is non-existent at best and thoroughly and utterly incompetent at worst.
    Rave: I recently bought a set of micro-fleece sheets in preparation for what I think is going to be a miserable, miserable winter.

    • I feel your pain on Rant#1–I’ve broken four bones in my life (two toes and two foot bones), and each incident has occurred on the stairs. Good thing I live in a three-story row-house with high ceilings?

    • Allison

      Aw, I once rode up an escalator at Gallery Place on my face. (I fell while climbing a moving escalator, but because it was rush hour, the escalator was too crowded to safely stand back up once I was down… so I just rode that sucker all the way up.)

    • I once coasted down the Dupont escalator (luckily the one inside the station, not the long one) on my rear end. Not the elegant, coordinated image I was going for!

    • skj84

      Yikes on your first rant! I once slid down the escalator at Metro Center. Granted it was raining and I slipped and fell. But still very scary. Hope you’re ok!

      • Glad to have all of your support stories! Klutzes unite!

        Thankfully I only tripped up one step (at the very top…where there were the most witnesses…) and landed pretty solidly on my outer thigh. Although it’ll be bruised like crazy tomorrow, I’ll never curse its excess padding again.

    • I blame dress shoes! They have no grip on the bottoms. I was getting off the down escalator at dupont when I slipped down on to one knee (think Sister Mary Katherine Gallagher pose). Terribly embarrassing and I just walked away as fast as I could.

    • Once I was walking down an escalator and it slammed to a stop without warning and I fell *hard*. The resulting bruise on my butt was huge and a deep red, but the hilarious part was that there were individual purple-ish blue lines from the escalator treads.

      • skj84

        Ugh. I hate when the escalators stop without warning. I’ve had it happen to me while walking up the DuPont Circle escalators. I have halfway up too. The one time they’ve stopped on me while I was walking down I was holding on the handrail and was able to keep my balance.

      • One summer many years ago, I was running up an escalator for the U-Bahn in Berlin. I stumbled, and had three parallel bruises from the escalator treads for the rest of the summer. Owww.

        • That reminds me of the vertical parallel lines burned into my rear end after accidentally touching the radiator in my old bathroom. They were visible for about 6 months.

          • gotryit

            Yikes! If it’s hot water radiator, you can usually adjust the water temperature down to something less dangerous. I keep mine at 140 so the kids don’t decide to learn what “hot” is the hard way.

      • Emmaleigh504

        I hope you took pictures! That’s sounds like an awesome bruise.

        • I once took a picture of a truly spectacular ass bruise. I don’t bruise easily AT ALL, so it was extra special for me. But then I deleted it, because it felt weird to have a picture of my ass on my phone. I just settled for showing it to my husband every day. “Lookit. Look how purple. Ooh, it’s going green around the edges…” I think it might have been the only time in history a husband said in exasperation “You want me to look at your ass AGAIN??”

          • Emmaleigh504

            lol this is why my mom sends me pictures of her bruises, my dad doesn’t like to look at them, but I do! Send my all your bruised pictures and we can discuss color and shape! and how it changes over time! I really love this stuff.

        • I did!
          Sometimes I flip through the pictures on my phone and I’m like “what’s that? Oh yeah, that’s my butt!”

          • Emmaleigh504

            Can I see it? I love bruise pictures! My mom and I (who bruise super easily) text our bruises to each other. Over the weekend I convinced my pal to text a pic of her poor bruised boob. best boob text ever!

          • O
            You want to see my butt bruise? I don’t know if that’s where our relationship is just yet Emilie.

          • Emmaleigh504

            To quote some of my “fave” pop lyrics:
            But you’re an animal, baby, it’s in your nature
            Just let me liberate you…
            And that’s why I’m gon’ take a good girl
            I know you want it…
            One thing I ask of you
            Let me be the one you back that ass to…
            So hit me up when you pass through
            I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two…
            Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
            It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
            No more pretending…
            Here’s our beginning

          • Emmaleigh504

            shudder that was funny in my head, but just reading Blurred Lines lyrics is gross! Off to wash the slime off.

  • hispanicandproud

    Rave: Back to work after having emergency surgery last week. I am so blessed to have amazing friends, a fantastic family and great coworkers who have been more than helpful during this time. Love the love!

    Rave: Special shout out to my brother and his wife who dropped what they were doing and flew in from Texas to take care of me while I was down and out.

    Rant: Having to drop out of a couple of races and a gym competition! Four weeks and I’ll be back at being physically active again.

  • skj84

    Rant: Not only did I have to work yesterday, but I was stuck there until 6:30. I didn’t get home until 8:30 with the whole metro situation.

    Rave: I caught up on the current season of Doctor Who last night! The finale is really sticking with me.

    Rant: My sister is 6 episodes behind. Apparently it’s her thing to watch with her boyfriend and they haven’t had time to catch up. I think she should just watch the rest and pick a new show to bond with the boyfriend. She’s freaking out because it’s becoming harder to avoid spoilers about the current season online.

    • Re Doctor Who: SAME!!!!!!!! Holy crap I cried in the first three minutes. And completely forgot the details for the tie back for the big surprise at the end (trying desperately not to give away spoilers)…

  • Rave: Incredible few days spent in Virginia horse country with friends. Went fox hunting and grinned the whole time as we galloped through the beautiful countryside with gorgeous weather and great horses (and the fox won!).

    Rant: So sore. Not incredibly rich so cannot live the fantasy of fox hunting three days a week…

    Rave: Feeling good to have spent the past few days outdoors with beautiful weather. Now back to loving husband, fun plans, and interesting job applications

    • My very favorite bit from The Most Interesting Man In the World is where he’s running through the English countryside, riders in pursuit, and he’s carrying the fox and laughing.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Perhaps you could hunt children like the Mitfords did. That always sounded so fun to me.

  • Andie302

    Rave: Great long weekend with lots of fun things…starting Thursday night with the Popville Anniversary Party. I’m glad we made it and great to see some now familiar and some new faces!
    Rave: Weekend at the river with an incredible 9 course beer pairing dinner. Saturday it took all day to make a six layer salted caramel chocolate cake, and it was worth every minute and calorie.
    Rave: A quick trip home to Delaware since a friend was in from Mississippi on Sunday night through Tuesday.
    Rave: Happy not to have to get in the car for a few days! I think I logged about 10 hours over the long weekend.
    Only rant: Estimates are coming in higher than anticipated (shocker) and some question over whether an internal staircase to the basement can/will/is permitted to be removed.

    • topscallop

      Would you be willing to share your recipe for the salted caramel chocolate cake? I need to put in a request for my birthday cake soon (will be celebrating with family over Thanksgiving) and that sounds amazing!

      • Andie302


        The recipe is at the bottom, and a few helpful tips are included in the recipe review. I would recommend doing this in steps. Maybe caramel first day, cake the second day, icing the day of serving. Otherwise it was a major endeavor! I sort of wish someone had a camera as accountering was holding the digital themometer over the hot caramel until it hit exactle 238 degrees 🙂 This thing was a two person endeavor!

        Luckily the other recipes I made (crabcakes directly from the old bay can recipe, and apple squash soup from simply recipes) weren’t nearly as involved.

        • topscallop

          Thanks so much! This cake sounds fantastic. I’ve made salted caramel before, but except for the first time, when I made it to fill macarons with, I didn’t bother to use a thermometer. I kind of went by what color I thought it was supposed to be 🙂

          Maybe I’ll get my sister to make this for me when we’re home in a couple of weeks, as she’s the culinary star and I’m the mostly lazy one who sporadically makes things that people get excited over.

        • Thanks for posting this Andie – I’ve bookmarked the recipe to try out soon (also bookmarked the Wiliams-Sonoma Devil’s Chocolate Cake recipe that was mentioned in the comments).

  • Rave: Alpha House is back! That show is hilarious. There is no one on TV I love more than John Goodman.

  • Rant: I was almost hit by a garbage truck this morning. The driver had plenty of time/space to stop before the crosswalk and just chose not to then proceeded to yell something vulgar at me.
    Rave: A cop pulled the garbage truck over!
    Rave: Seeing an old friend for drinks tonight. I’m hoping to play matchmaker if he’s interested in a set up.

    • Hope the garbage truck driver was ticketed! I own a car but only drive on weekends. The more I travel the city as a pedestrian, the more aware I am of stop signs as a driver. Because as a pedestrian I realize that stop signs are merely suggestions and inconveniences to drivers…

      • I hope so too! I rarely drive in the city and I am overly cautious when I do since I see so many near misses in my neighborhood.

    • Anyone else notice how the garbage truck drivers drive like they’re in the wild west in a race against time and some horrible consequence? I get they’re on a tight schedule and it’s not fun, but it’s no excuse to swerve, drive fast, and almost hit people!

  • I think someone pointed a gun at me yesterday. He cut me off by making a left when I had clear right of way; I honked, he slammed on his brakes to block me, and I think he pointed a gun at me. It was twilight and there was someone in the passenger seat, so I couldn’t be totally sure. My rational brain isn’t sure, but my animal brain reacted with a surge of adrenaline; I floored it and squealed around him.

    • binpetworth

      Holy crap, that’s scary. Did you consider calling the cops and reporting the license plate number?

      • The usual refrain: It all happened so fast, and I was focused on getting out of there. But yeah, if I had anything to report other than “late model black sedan” I definitely would have. I’m a big proponent of making the cops at least keep stats of all the crime they’re not preventing.

        • I don’t think it’s done in dc. I found a stolen bike on my property and report it to the police. An officer came out and did some paperwork. Two weeks later I called and asked about the report because I still have the bike. No report was filed. I tried to call the officer from the number on his card he gave me. No call back. I still have the bike and I still post it on the craigslist 9 months later.

          • I’m starting to think that reporting is very uneven, and that the MPD 3rd district is more responsive than others. When I had a package theft and reported it, an officer was at my house almost right away and I know a report was filed because I saw it on the daily 3D crime report. But it sounds like others here have had officers laugh off their requests to file paperwork.

  • rave: had such a productive day off yesterday! had a kitchen island assembled and my TV mounted on the wall. it’s the first time in probably 6 years i’ve had a TV in my apartment and it’s amazing. then had brunch with my best friend, got my hair done, and had dinner with my cousin. SUCH a good day.
    rant: now i’m tired! haha worth it.

  • Forgot RANT! Our real estate agent, whom we really like, seems to be low balling us on one of the condos we want to sell. It’s making me anxious -it’s a lovely, totally renovated apartment with a huge balcony in between Dupont and U Street. I think it is worth for more than she’s recommending we list it for (and no, I’m not emotionally attached to it). It’s a great location and has quality fixtures plus the outdoor space. It’s depressing me a little (have to wait until the current lease is up to list it).

    • What price do you think it’s worth? What the sq footage? 1BR and 1ba? When would it go on the market?
      Is she pricing it low in order to initiate a bidding war? That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

      • it’s 500 sq feet, totally renovated (including new floors), walk in closet….all three closets have Elfa. Basically just really nice finishes. huge balcony. 1 bed/1 ba. Front desk staff. I think that is her thought. It appriased for $315k and she wants to list it at $299k. Maybe it’s to hit the “search” functions people have set for under $300k? But I’m not comfortable with less than $300k for it, so maybe I just don’t see how that will work (don’t people usually bid under?)

        • $300k is $600/sq foot. That seems pretty reasonable, if not on the high end. What’s the condo fee?

          • we’ve been following the neighborhood pretty closely – so maybe she has it right. I don’t know. We own another larger place on the border of Shaw and Logan, where places go in 3 days for like $700 sq foot and we have parking, so maybe we need to just listen to her.

          • With the caveat that I obviously haven’t seen the place, it definitely sounds like your realtor wants to capture the under $300k searches – that’s a pretty big, and common cutoff. And while I’m not as familiar with the U Street/Logan market, $338 is pretty steep for a condo fee (though the front desk is a big driver of that cost and a significant selling point). As a point of comparison, my condo fee is $375 for a 1750 sq foot 3 BR condo, though that’s a rowhouse conversion with no front deck. In your shoes, I’d be inclined to keep it under $300k to capture the largest search group you can.

          • fees: it’s not really apples to apples, a townhouse and large condo buidling. Taxes, insurance, landscaping, crap like snow removal, ect. I hate paying fees as much as the next person, but they do go pay for stuff that a townhouse doesn’t have

          • I realize it’s apples and oranges, but our rowhouse conversion condo pays for snow removal, landscaping, taxes, insurance, etc. as well.

        • Andie302

          My initial thoughts are that there are absolutely a lot of buyers that use popular search engines and would cut their upper limit to $300K for a 1BR. However, if you aren’t comfortable selling at that price, you shouldn’t list at that price. (Generally things settle for at or slightly under asking price.) Also, I’ve encountered several appraisals lately (including my personal residence a couple years back) that were higher that what the market would actually bear as a sales price. In my case it was for a refinance but I knew well enough to know that they appraised value was about $30K higher than what I could actually sell it for. Did you look at comparable properties for sale right now and sold over the last six months? Focus on similar condition (especially if there are comps in that building) on a per square foot basis. If you’re not happy with the number then either rent it for another year, seak a second opinion, or list at the number you’re comfortable with and see if you can get it. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

          • Thanks! I know they appriase higher….but the comps in our building are for non-renovated properties. There are larger renovated spaces, so not really close – there are similar properties very near by that would make our place about $315k. But, we shall see. It’s not going on the market today – we considered selling it as an investment property while we had tenants, but I think that’s too much of a headache.

          • ask them to show you the comps they used to find that recommended asking price so you can look at them yourself and decide if you have been short changed. You might just be disappointed because the market just won’t support what you want to list it for. You’re always allowed to ask them to list higher, but they are as vested as you are in selling the unit quickly. If you introduce the listing with a asking price too high, it might sit on the market and lose excitement of being a new listing and lose that new listing advantage if it were to have the “right price” for someone to bid or overbid even. Its better to list it with the market valuation price rather than you dream price, especially if you want to sell it quickly so you can use proceeds for another purchase…

        • I think OP Anon could be right about the bidding war — it’s a better to under-price and let buyers escalate than it is to overprice and have to take concessions. You’ll likely get a fair market price either way — people will bid higher if a place is worth it — but by underpricing, you’ll have more offers to consider and more leverage to choose the offer that works for you.

          • It also sounds like she’s listing it soon and we are entering the doldrums of the real estate season. Underpricing it is probably the only way to get multiple offers at this point in the year, IMHO. Demand has slackened.
            There ain’t much excitement for a small 1BR in the middle of winter. I’d probably wait to sell it in the spring, if possible.

          • yes I’m not selling now…:)

          • Thanks, Shawess – you’re probably right.

          • OP Anon, are you sure demand has slackened? I know someone in the market for a place now and it sounds like the problem is on the supply side. It may just be that she’s looking in neighborhoods where there isn’t much inventory, but from her perspective there isn’t very much on the market to buy right now. In general, I think buyers and sellers both tend to hold out for spring and summer if at all possible.

          • Demand and supply has slackened. Places in areas that have easily sold in less than a week have sat for 1 month or longer because it’s going into winter. This is great time for buyers if you can find something worth buying. There’s a lot out there, but it’s not the greatest places or it’s a 3 story pop-up for 900k.

        • Why not list it for what it appraised and see what happens? It’s not like you won’t be able to drop it to 299k at a later point.

    • wow, i wish your condo had been for sale when i was buying in august. it sounds amazing! good luck on the process.

      • Thanks – it’s a really nice place. I lived there and then my now-husband and I lived there with a 100lb dog, so it’s a good lay out and not cramped. Also, the building (currently) has no breed/size restrictions for dogs, which is a huge selling feature in DC since so many places restrict. I liked living there a lot.

  • Rant: In love with two people at once. Has anyone been in that situation before? What did you do?

    • whoa, feel like we need more details. are you having to choose between which one to be with?

      • Person #1 I’ve been in a relationship with for a very long time and it’s generally been good.
        Had a totally unexpected fling with Person #2 several months ago due to circumstances that brought us very close. We’re still in love with each other, and I’ve been trying to insert some distance between us, but it’s been hard because we have to interact with each other sometimes for business/personal reasons. There’s still an intense romantic connection between us that doesn’t seem to be dissipating.
        I want to stay with Person #1 because it’s the path of least resistance and the right thing to do, but I’m finding it impossible to ignore how I feel about Person #2.

        • Realizing I might have sounded a little too cavalier about the fling… I’ve never done that before and I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. But once it started it felt impossible to stop (and we did try to stop it a few times).

        • Carolyn Hax would probably say that the reason things seem so exciting/intense with Person #2 is that things are new, and you don’t have to deal with the more banal/quotidian stuff you’d be dealing with in an established relationship.
          What’s missing from your relationship with Person #1 that made you go for Person #2?
          Carolyn Hax would also probably say that even if you end things with Person #1, that doesn’t mean you should proceed directly to Person #2 — you probably need some time on your own to figure yourself out.

          • That’s all great advice and exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out. Some of what I have with #2 are things I might be able to work into my current relationship, while some of it I’ll never have. Aside from that, though, I’m worried about hurting Person #2 or not being able to keep them as a friend at least.
            And if I did end things with Person #1 (which is honestly hard to imagine) I definitely wouldn’t rush into another relationship. I haven’t been single since 2001 and it would be healthier for me to take a break.

          • What textdoc said. However, I’d caution against trying to pursue a friendship with Person #2 if you end up staying with Person #1 given that you said you’ve both tried to end things several times and couldn’t. If you’re going to commit yourself to Person #1, you need to fully commit yourself and not have any temptations. (Of course, this assumes that you’re not in an open relationship.)
            Also, are you planning on being up front with Person #1 about what happened? If so, you need to prepare for the fact that he/she may decide to break it off, regardless of if you want to continue with the relationship or not. Personally, I think that especially after being together that long, you owe it to Person #1 to tell him/her, but of course my advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.

          • I can’t think of anything good that will come out of telling Person #1. All it would do is cause them a lot of pain that (without getting into details) I don’t think they’re emotionally equipped to handle right now.

          • As far as breaking off contact with Person #2 completely… that would be ideal, but we have shared work responsibilities and mutual acquaintances and I don’t see how we could do that without arousing suspicion.

          • “I’m worried about hurting Person #2 or not being able to keep them as a friend at least.”
            If you stay with Person #1, not hurting Person #2 and/or retaining him/her as a friend sounds like a have-cake-eat-cake-too scenario. But Person #2 knows about Person #1, right? And has perhaps been expecting/fearing that you’d break things off and go back to Person #1?

          • Ok, I’m going to be honest with you. I think you should break up with Person #1. You don’t seem willing or able to distance yourself from Person #2. From my third-party perspective, you seem more concerned about hurting Person #2 than you do Person #1. If I were in your shoes, if I really wanted to be with Person #1, I would do whatever was in my power to stay away from Person #2, outsiders be damned. Don’t tell Person #1 exactly what happened if you think that’s best, although if there is a chance you exposed him/her to any STDs, you do have a moral obligation so he/she can get tested.
            Also, if you think it would arouse suspicion if you didn’t hang around Person #2 at work anymore, people are already suspicious about the time you do spend together. I’ve seen these workplace flings go down many times and each time it was plainly obvious to the observers.

          • Allison

            You say “I can’t think of anything good that will come out of telling Person #1. All it would do is cause them a lot of pain that (without getting into details) I don’t think they’re emotionally equipped to handle right now.”
            One good thing that might come from telling Person #1 is that you give them the chance to make an informed decision about whether or not they want to stay with you, especially given what you’ve said about Person #1’s very strong feelings regarding monogamy. If you don’t tell them, you’re depriving them of that choice under the guise of protecting their feelings. It sucks to have that conversation (like, really sucks) but unlike many others, I think it’s worthwhile.

          • “I can’t think of anything good that will come out of telling Person #1. All it would do is cause them a lot of pain that (without getting into details) I don’t think they’re emotionally equipped to handle right now.”
            [This is going to come across as harsh. I am not going to apologize for that, but feel free to stop reading now, if you’re not interested in a bucket of cold water/look in the mirror. That said . . . ]
            Wow. [Which is the first thing, Textdoc, that Carolyn Hax would say.] Nothing good will come out of being honest with person 1 with whom you are in a long-term relationship? You are going to be working closely with person 2, who you cheated with (a several-month long affair with ongoing feelings/relationship), and you don’t feel person 1 deserves to know about person 2? Even though you’ve admitted that haven’t been and won’t be able to stop seeing person 2? And your justification for this is that you’re just looking out for person 1? You want to stay with them because it’s the path of least resistance, even though you feel strongly about person 2? And that’s the right thing to do? Because it’s every guy’s/girl’s dream to be with someone who treats them badly and stays out of sense of obligation?
            Look, it’s more than likely that you’re going to break up with person 1 at some point. Whether it’s because of person 2, person 3, person 4, or whomever. Why prolong the agony, and in the process serially mistreat person 1, any longer? It’s easy to say to yourself that “s/he couldn’t handle it right now,” and to be fair, I suppose there a chance that person 1 is undergoing chemo right now or something similarly traumatic (but that woudl only justify a delay in disclosure, not keeping things mum forever). But 99 times out of 100 , that’s self-serving drivel – the rationalization of a coward who wants to dodge responsibility for and an accounting of his/her actions. You’ve not exactly covered yourself in glory so far – don’t add being craven on top of it. At least give person the minimal respect of being able to make major life decisions for himself/herself.

          • How flattering, “the path of least resistance, the right thing to do.” My ex did this to me. He was too chicken sh!t to break up with me, so he started a relationship with someone else and told me about it so I would have deal with his inability to communicate or grow a pair. The pain was so much worse than if he had just broken up with me without telling me about her.
            You don’t sound like you want to be with #1. So break up with her, but do not tell her about #2, that’s just not fair.
            Then, don’t date #2. Don’t see #2. Straighten yourself out and figure out what you actually want. Work on being considerate to your partners. If she values monogamy, be monogamous or get out.

          • “He was too chicken sh!t to break up with me, so he started a relationship with someone else and told me about it so I would have deal with his inability to communicate or grow a pair. The pain was so much worse than if he had just broken up with me without telling me about her.
            You don’t sound like you want to be with #1. ”
            No, that’s not what’s going on at all. I still love #1 more than ever. That’s what makes this so hard. I’d be ok with extricating #2 from my life completely if there was a simple way to do it (i.e. without giving up a work project I really enjoy). For their part #2 is being mature about it and says they don’t have any expectations, so maybe I should be less concerned about them, but I know despite what they say this isn’t easy for them either.

          • “Don’t tell Person #1 exactly what happened if you think that’s best, although if there is a chance you exposed him/her to any STDs, you do have a moral obligation so he/she can get tested.”
            No STDs (it never got that far with #2) so that’s not a concern at least.

          • “I suppose there a chance that person 1 is undergoing chemo right now or something similarly traumatic (but that woudl only justify a delay in disclosure, not keeping things mum forever). ”
            Not chemo, but something similarly traumatic that’s been ongoing for years. Not sure if there would ever be a good time in the future to disclose it.

          • jeslett, why do you think #1 and #2 are women? Or did I miss the part where OP said that?

          • Anyway, FWIW, I think you need to cut off #2 and decide whether you want to fix your relationship with #1. My guess is that you’re not really in love with #2, they’re just providing you with some kind of distraction or outlet that makes you feel good right now. Pursuing it further is only going to cause deeper problems. You need to deal with #1 relationship on its own terms, not relative to #2.

          • “That’s what makes this so hard. I’d be ok with extricating #2 from my life completely if there was a simple way to do it (i.e. without giving up a work project I really enjoy).”
            Well, we certainly wouldn’t want you to have to give up something you enjoy. I mean, why should you be inconvenienced at all?
            “Not sure if there would ever be a good time in the future to disclose it.”
            How convenient for you.

          • Crotchety Old Person-
            A. for simplicity’s sake in assigning pronouns
            B. I was probably projecting

          • One’s a man and one’s a women (I’m sure some of you will have a lot to say about that).

          • my guess is that everyone is assuming you are a man, in a relationship with a woman, and this new person is a man?


        • Maybe I listen to too much Dan Savage, but would an open relationship with Person #1 be completely out of the question?

          • Absolutely out the question. Person #1 is very much against open relationships (even critical of other couples that have them).

        • It would be incredibly selfish and unfair to leave p1 in the dark about this.

    • Damn. Some of us would be happy to find just ONE person we liked who liked us back.

    • Been there, done all of this. I’ve been in all three of the sets of shoes here, lol.
      Are you married to Person #1? If so, I can see why this is extremely difficult and I’d probably just let Person #2 fade out from my life.
      A few bits of (unsolicited) advice:
      -If you are willing to cut out P2 from your romantic life completely, then I think you should focus on rebuilding the relationship with P1. This will require you to be firm with P2 and ensuring that they respect your wishes. I think telling P1 about what happened will completely destroy their faith in you and cause a lot of harm, so tread carefully as to whether you reveal what happened. I’d also recommend relationship counseling with P1 so you can discuss ways to improve your relationship with a neutral party in a structured setting.
      -If you will continue seeing P2, then break up with P1. At this point, you’re not only having a physical affair but also an emotional affair. You’re in love. If P1 is not willing to consider an open/polyamorous relationship, then let them go. It’s not fair.
      -If you end things with P1, please take some time for yourself. For god’s sake, be single for 6 months. That’s easier said than done when you already have intense chemistry with P2, but at least keep yourself open to seeing other people. Don’t go straight into monogamy with P2. This will allow you to figure out if your desire for P2 is genuine and lasting vs. just something “new” and “exciting” due to being in a staid relationship with P1.

      • Great advice. We’re not officially married but as good as married. I’m 99% sure I’m going to go with the first piece of advice you suggested. In some ways this has been good for me because it’s forcing me to identify what I don’t like about my relationship with #1 and figure out how to make it better.

        • So we’ve officially reached the place where this dirtbag behavior is now being spun as a positive? Awesome.

          • Don’t judge if it’s never happened to you. It’s not like I went out looking for this– rather it blindsided me.

          • Did you trip and fall onto this person’s genitals with your genitals and while tripping all of your clothes came off?
            I didn’t think so. You’re acting like you aren’t responsible for these choices. You chose to have this affair. People don’t have gravity and suck you in, this isn’t a cheesy movie. Sure, you didn’t go out looking for this, but you sure didn’t make the responsible choice and leave it on the table when you found it.

          • You sound like you’ve never been in love.

          • +1 to what jeslett said. This didn’t “happen” to you — even if it might be hard to control what you _feel_, you have control over your actions.
            And +1 to Crotchety Old Person’s earlier remark “You need to deal with #1 relationship on its own terms, not relative to #2.”

        • You’ve been chronically dishonest about some very important things with someone that you claim to love, and who is likely making a lot of small and large decisions based upon how they understand their relationship with you. What stands out to me in all of your descriptions of your relationship is how selfish and self-centered your descriptions are. Your relationship is not just about you — that’s why it’s called a relationship. If you want to do the easy thing, keep doing what you’ve been doing. If you want to do the right thing, tell the truth. You claim to be “as good as married” — but your behavior is not honoring, cherishing, or being respectful to your partner. And your partner is loving, living with, and planning a future on lies. That’s no way to treat someone that you claim to care about.

          • I guess this is problem with talking about personal problems on the internet. You don’t know the extent of my generosity and selflessness to my partner over the years. And no, I’m not being delusional– my partner has noted how much of myself I give to them, and so has everyone else that knows us well. Many say I’m too far too giving. And I suppose I let this happen because I didn’t allow myself to occasionally be selfish and ask for more in my relationship.

          • Anonymous, I’ve been very hesitant to weigh in here because I know my own experiences will color my response. I agree with many of replies here — frankly, some of the more judgmental ones — but think you’re right when you say that asking this question on the internet is going to draw pretty limited replies without a lot of understanding of the bigger issue at hand.
            Your pain seems real and that’s legitimate no matter what anyone here says. Instead of listening to the voices of a bunch of anonymous strangers, I would really suggest that you find a professional you trust to talk to. Someone who you can tell the details, and who you think will weigh your responses in a way that will help you find answers. If you want PoPville’s advice on how to find such a person, I bet that we would collectively have some great resources to recommend.

          • Anonymous — that is, indeed, one of the problems with taking your personal issues to the internet for feedback. You don’t know us, and we don’t know you — and all we have to go on is what you’ve provided. My response is just that — my response based on my experiences and my values, to my perception of how your words describe a situation. My hope, in giving you feedback, is simply that you might recognize how your own descriptions of your situation sound to a bunch of strangers.

    • “In a relationship for a long time and it’s generally been good” + “I want to stay with Person #1 because it’s the path of least resistance and the right thing to do” + hot sex with new person you can’t break it off with = bored with person #1. Dr. Streete says it’s best for both of you to break it off with #1 now before you find yourself married and raising children (or whatever) with someone that is little more than a decent roommate.

      • Yes, that path of least resistance comment. I would be devastated if that’s how my partner viewed our relationship.

          • I just meant that my relationship with #1 has been very good (and still is) and has stood the test of time, whereas I don’t have any assurance that a relationship with #2 would work out as well. Just because there’s a lot of chemistry and excitement right now doesn’t mean it would last.

          • “just meant that my relationship with #1 . . . has stood the test of time,:
            You seriously think you can say that with a straight face? Separate and apart from your feelings for person 2 (which happens), A) You’ve been unfaithful for several months. B) You are unwilling to be honest with your partner, and give him/her the chance to have a say in her life.
            Your relatonship has not stood the test of time. It has failed the test of time.

          • dcd is my person of the day. Thank you!

          • dcd is getting all unnecessarily righteous, but at least I know who to call to kick me in the groin next time I make a mistake.

          • I don’t think carrying on an affair for months qualifies as a mistake. I think reasonable people can debate whether a drunken one stand is a mistake (I don’t think that’s a mistake, I still think that’s willful cheating), but this not.

          • It’s kind of hard to not have feelings for someone, though. If I was sleeping with the person for months than I agree I should break up with my partner, or if I was having romantic feelings only for #2 and not #1, but I love them both and I’m no longer acting on my feelings for #2. So how do I stop loving #2?

          • “dcd is getting all unnecessarily righteous,”
            I don’t know how correcting self-delusion is “unnecessarily righteous,” but YMMV. I also haven’t said anything numerous others haven’t said, although they are inclined to be a little nicer about it, I guess.
            “but at least I know who to call to kick me in the groin next time I make a mistake.”
            I wouldn’t blast anyone for making a mistake. Things happen, especially in relationships. It’s how you react to the mistake that matters. The mistake here (apparently) occurred several months ago. It’s OP’s conduct since then that is reprehensible. All that said, I probably wouldn’t have blasted him/her as much (or at least been a little more diplomatic about it) if it hadn’t been for the combination of “poor me, this is so hard for me” and “I’m keeping quiet for person 1’s own good.” Arrant nonsense.

          • this thread shows me that people are pretty absolutist, puritanical and judgmental in their thinking.

          • “The mistake here (apparently) occurred several months ago. It’s OP’s conduct since then that is reprehensible. ”
            Well, that’s why I came here asking for advice. I made a mistake, or whatever you want to call it, did something very very wrong, a few months ago. And I’ve been having feelings that I want to ignore, but can’t seem to, ever since. I guess some of you are saying the only solution is to abandon a long and otherwise healthy relationship over that, but I don’t agree.

          • dcd, well you’ve spotted it. It’s not so much what you’re saying but how you’re saying it. I actually agree with most of your points but I think you’re presenting them in, as I say, an unnecessarily righteous way. I don’t condone behavior like this but it’s not my job to tell people they should feel bad about the shi**y things they’ve done. And I do think you’re wrong about one thing: in relationships that last years, mistakes don’t happen in an instant – they can happen over days, weeks, months. And this relationship is surely going to be tested, but you can’t say it has failed if it still exists. You can’t say it has failed if one person doesn’t even know there’s a problem – you don’t know how this is going to end, so you can’t say it has failed.

          • Accountering

            It doesn’t sound like your relationship is “healthy” in the least. You are walking around behind your partners back, and have been doing this for the last several months. What about that tells you that you have a healthy relationship?

          • It seems like you also want to ignore the fact that your relationship IS NO LONGER A HEALTHY ONE with person #1 BECAUSE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR. You screwed up, things aren’t the same, they may never be the same, and you keeping them the same for the “sake” of person #1 seems ridiculous. What would you do if Anonymous #2 below was also person #1…that’s possible you know?

          • *Otherwise* healthy relationship, Accountering. Your desire to condemn is smothering your ability to read and think.

          • No relationship is perfect. There are a lot of good things about my relationship, and now I am more determined than ever to put effort into changing the not-as-good things. We’ve loved and supported each other through some extremely difficult times, and we continue to do so, and I believe that defines our relationship more than what I’ve recently done and experienced.

          • Ok, so it’s not healthy. But I think it can be cured.
            Or there’s no return and I should destroy what we’ve built together as rapidly as possible? I just don’t see it that way. That’s like killing yourself because you have the flu.

          • I think that what bothers me the most is that you’re unilaterally making these decisions, that your love and support for one another defines your relationship more than what you’ve done. What if #1 were to find out and doesn’t agree? What if the shoe was on the other foot and you were #1? I’d be deeply hurt if I were cheated on (probably more so if it were emotional rather than physical cheating), but I’d be absolutely destroyed if I found out that my partner couldn’t stop engaging in…whatever, especially if I were to find out on my own or hear about it elsewhere.
            You want to know how to stop loving #2. No one can tell you how to do that. Most of us who have loved someone only to have that relationship fall apart have let time and distance do the job. This is obviously a different scenario. However, if you sincerely love #1 and want to stay with him/her, you need to put your feelings for #2 aside. Yeah, it’s going to be tough. So is life.

          • At the behest of my compatriots, I will try to moderate my tone.
            “Or there’s no return and I should destroy what we’ve built together as rapidly as possible?”
            I can’t speak for others, but I don’t think you immediately have to break up. I don’t even think you have to disclose. I do, however, think that if you stay together you DO have to disclose what has happened, and let your partner make an informed decision about what to do. Maybe s/he will decide to break up with you – I get that you don’t want that, but it’s a risk you have to run, in my opinion, because anything less would be continuing the subterfuge. Trying to “fix” your relationship by perpetuating a foundational lie is easy, and doesn’t risk the relationship, but it’s also selfish, and isn’t fair to him/her. Isn’t it time that your partner’s interests are your paramount consideration as you try to rebuild the relationship?
            FWIW, I also think you need to completely disassociate yourself from Person 2 whiel you work on your relationship – but that’s really your partner’s call.

          • @COP:
            “And I do think you’re wrong about one thing: in relationships that last years, mistakes don’t happen in an instant – they can happen over days, weeks, months. And this relationship is surely going to be tested, but you can’t say it has failed if it still exists. You can’t say it has failed if one person doesn’t even know there’s a problem – you don’t know how this is going to end, so you can’t say it has failed.”
            I agree that mistakes don’t happen in an instant, but this isn’t some 3-month long single mistake, it appears to be a mistake that was years in the making – and then another one, and then another one, and then another one, and so on.
            As for whether the relationship has failed, I guess we’ll have to disagree. Mere existence is not sufficient for success, in my opinion. By that logic, a physically abusive marriage that has not resulted in divorce is still successful. Here, you’ve got three or so months of deception, and an unwillingness to be honest even when ostensibly trying to work it out. By any rational measure, that’s a failure. Now that doesn’t mean it can’t be redeemed, or resurrected, or salvaged, but at this moment, I don’t think it’s too harsh to call it a failure.

          • Accountering

            @Crotchety Old Person

            An “Otherwise healthy relationship” is like saying “well, I have stage 4 brain cancer, but otherwise I am healthy!”

          • Accountering: it’s also like saying “until I got brain cancer I was perfectly healthy”. But I can see how you wouldn’t want to see it that way since it doesn’t allow for maximum scolding.

        • Oh jeez. Guess you missed the part where they said they’re just as much in love with P1?

      • +1

      • Ok, but that “hot sex with new person you can’t break it off with” part isn’t happening, so what result does that give you?

        • common decency

        • “Had a totally unexpected fling…We’re still in love with each other…trying to insert some distance between us, but it’s been hard…there’s still an intense romantic connection between us that doesn’t seem to be dissipating.”
          I stand by my conclusion, especially since the “generally good” and “path of least resistance” statements are actually more revealing.
          (Though, yeah, the conclusion is based on 10 paragraphs on the internet, so there is a certain margin of error)

        • 1. Not with #1, which could be good for both of you. 2. Maybe that hot sex will happen then with #2. 3. If not, no big deal, there are a million other people out there. Ok, perhaps not a million, but plenty others out there.

          Do you love person #1 as a friend and due to your past? Or do you still romantically love that person? It sounds like the former.

          Don’t stay with someone because you don’t want to hurt them and are afraid of being alone. That defines chickenshit.

          • “Do you love person #1 as a friend and due to your past? Or do you still romantically love that person? ” Pretty sure it’s both.
            “Don’t stay with someone because you don’t want to hurt them and are afraid of being alone.” Honestly, being alone is sounding awfully nice right now. I’m drained.

    • Thanks for all the thoughts and honest criticism so far, everyone. Even those that were off-base due to misinterpretation or lack of information have been helpful.

      • Accountering

        I don’t think really anyone was off-base. You are lying to your partner out of convenience to yourself, and because you “don’t want to hurt them.:”
        You are cheating on your partner, and have been for months, yet somehow still think your relationship with your partner is good. The reason people here are passionate is because many of us (statistically most of us?) have been in the position of #1 at some point in our life (myself included.) The only thing I was even remotely frustrated about is it took my then wife so long to say anything, so we could go our separate ways. The only thing that “hurt me” was that I continued to spend time with her, when I wish we would have had the in-depth conversation and both been able to move on with our lives (which we have very much so done at this point.) I agree with a couple of the other commenters that your actions to this point have been ch!ckenshit.
        Man up (figuratively) break up, and get yourself sorted out.

      • I’m in the same boat, Anonymous: I love my long-term partner but love my secret lover, too. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this predicament.

      • There is no question that you are cheating on your primary partner. That’s not a judgment, it’s a statement of fact. You have found someone you like better than your current partner. You could distance yourself from the new person but have a bunch of excuses (which you feel are legitimate but really are not legitimate) for not doing so. The bottom line is that you don’t value your relationship with your primary partner enough to end the relationship with the new person. And the new person is allowing you, at least for now, to have both pieces of cake and eat them too. Maybe the solution is to embrace your good fortune and stop feeling guilty about it.

        • “You have found someone you like better than your current partner.”
          I never said that and it’s not true.
          “You could distance yourself from the new person but have a bunch of excuses (which you feel are legitimate but really are not legitimate) for not doing so.”
          Look, even if I quit my job and found a new social circle that’s all going to take time. I’m avoiding Person #2 as much as I possibly can right now and that’s all I can do.
          “The bottom line is that you don’t value your relationship with your primary partner enough to end the relationship with the new person.”
          I feel like I have ended it. I just haven’t gotten the feelings to stop yet. The only helpful answer I’ve seen if to just tough it out and hope they go away, which is what I’ve been trying to do so far.

          • “I feel like I have ended it.” Did you tell Person #2 that you’ve ended it?

          • You can’t *make* feelings stop, the tincture of time is what you need.
            My two cents = Focus on your long term relationship, spend more energy on making this work while trying to understand what led you to have a fling with a woman (?). (I made the assumption that you are a woman with a long term male partner and the fling is with another woman……)
            Wondering how old you are – because it isn’t unusual for folks later in life to realize they are gay.

          • Yes, I did.

          • “(I made the assumption that you are a woman with a long term male partner and the fling is with another woman……)”

            I don’t want to give too much away, but you assumed wrong. 🙂

          • ….and that’s why it is dangerous to make assumptions!
            My point was that it isn’t unusual later in life to realizing/acknowledging you are gay (for people have previously been opposite sex relationships). Which could have absolutely no connection to your own experience since I have no idea who you are beyond this conversation.
            For a more helpful perspective (and help in sorting through what is going on with you) I’d encourage you to see a counselor.

          • it doesn’t really matter, though i would actually guess you’d see some gender based bias depending on your sex and the sex of your partner and other.

    • i’m sorry you feel like you’re being town in half over this. the solution is with you, so i can’t really offer advice. i feel your pain though.

      our conventions of sexual ownership, jealousies, prudishness, and sense of what relationships entail are really no longer practical. they will cause more pain and empty living than happiness.

      • I think the better argument is that you should limit your serious romantic relationships to people who share your particular beliefs about sexual ownership and what relationships entail. And if/when your beliefs about these issues change during the course of the relationship, you should let your partner know so he or she can make an informed choice about whether to stay in the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with not believing in the “conventional” definition of a relationship as being a monogamous coupling – unless you are in a relationship with someone who believes that a relationship is a monogamous coupling.

    • i hope you find someone in real life that has been through something similar that you can talk with. people who haven’t been in it simply can’t understand.
      the scolding and judgement here really won’t help you move forward. don’t succumb to guilt. it will ruin you, which is what people seem to love to do to others when they are troubled.

      i hope you and the ones you love come out of this okay.

      • It’s ok; I knew what I was getting into and even the harshest criticism has been good for me.
        I don’t have anyone in real life I can talk about this with (except Person #2 and they’re not exactly the most objective source of advice).

        • Coming here late to comment, but for what it’s worth I think your best bet is to find a therapist. Which sounds easy but I know it can be a challenging process to find someone you connect with and feel confident in his/her ability to help you sort through all this. And in addition – someone that may take your insurance 🙂
          Good luck ~

    • I’ve been in the same boat. I left person #1 for person #2. Our relationship was a disaster and person #2 ended up leaving me for someone else. In retrospect, stability and time-tested compatibility is worth infinitely more than chemistry.

      • Yeah, I’m sure it would turn out that way. That’s why leaving #1 for #2 was never something I considered. I don’t know #2 nearly well enough to know how that would turn out and odds are it would be not be a happy ending. Do you wish you stayed with your original partner or do you think things worked out for the best?

  • Rant: Trying to figure out how to tell my boss I’m not happy anymore with the scope of my position without it coming across as ‘hi, I hate my job’.
    Rave: Have figured out I really have to do this as it’s just making me miserable.
    Rave: Trip to Cleveland this weekend to see a good friend.
    Rant: I HATE office politics. Ugh.

    • I have the same rant. It’s performance evaluation time here, so I have to figure this out pretty quickly.

    • What about framing it as what you’re interested in doing and hope to be able to do in the coming year? You can say you feel that you’ve gotten all you can from your current duties and are looking to do something different, and then detail what projects/types of projects you’d be interested in and how you’d bring a benefit to the company if they’d allow you to work on them.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Thanks for this. It’s given me some ideas for my own performance review and how to add some variety to my job.

      • Allison

        Lol, this is way better than what I said. At the end of my review when they asked if I needed anything from them and what they could do I couldn’t think of anything to say so I half-asked for “an ergonomic desk?” I’ll be more prepared next year…

  • Rant: too much freaking testing
    Rave: getting close to filling the fourth room in my house – met someone who would likely take the offer last night but am meeting a few more tonight
    Rant: almost had a panic attack the other day when I read “first month due at execution of the lease” when the lease begins Jan 1.
    Rave: I was told the first month’s rent can be paid closer to the end of December
    Rave: Just found out that all third graders in Title One schools are getting Chromebooks to use in the classrooms!

    • gotryit

      Is this DCPS on your last rave?

    • Accountering

      What breakdown did you decide to go with?!?

      • +1 – we want to know!
        Did you end up charging for parking?

      • 7.5*14 (incl closet) – $775
        9*12 – $850
        11*18 – $965
        13*18 – $1075
        Parking – $50/mo

        So I’m paying $735

        • Whoops, that was me. Actually iindsay but my laptop won’t let me log in.

          • Accountering

            Jeez, I was pretty close! I had parking pegged a bit higher, and the smaller two rooms a bit higher, but otherwise spot on! Glad to hear it is working out well! I think the discount you have taken is appropriate. The other people getting these rooms are all getting good deals, and should be pleased.

          • I posted 2 ads for the $775 room (it’s the only one still vacant). The first one didn’t really get many responses and I thought about lowering the price a bit, but I posted a new, reworded ad and it got a bunch of replies so I think I’m set with this pricing. I sometimes feel like I’m giving myself too much of a discount though (I’m paying $735 and I disclosed that I’d be giving myself a discount to everybody who I met with)

          • Accountering

            You signed up for a $4450 monthly liability. You should get some discount for that. I think disclosure is your best bet. If someone balks:
            A. Don’t pick them
            B. Offer to let them to be responsible for covering the rent.

  • I Dont Get It

    Bonus Rant: Out of the five women and eight men who work in the fishbowl here, why would you stop at my cubicle to ask where the Lactation Room is?

    • Allison

      And… isn’t that something one might want to scope out in advance, as opposed to asking a random person? “OH CRAP TIME TO LACTATE. ASK NEAREST PERSON.”

      • Accountering

        Hahahah! That was amazing. Actually laughed out loud 🙂

      • That’s freakin’ hilarious. Well done.

      • I Dont Get It

        Well in her defense, you should be able to take a room number and easily find it in this newish building. However, down here in the fishbowl in the lower level we have my organization outside our glass walls to the south and “Government Agency” outside our glass walls to the north (we’re supposed to pretend we don’t know which government agency). To get to the Lactation Room you have to go back upstairs, cross the lobby and go down elevators marked “Government Agency” to the *other* lower level and the enter a little vestibule off of which is the Lactation Room. BTW once our entire lower level was connected before we sold our soul to the Government Store.

        Anyway, I was clueless that this service was still offered but now that I now where it is, and I no longer have interns to observe, I’m going to take to lead in providing directions to the Lactation Room. I’ll keep you updated.

  • Becks

    Rave: Four day weekend!
    Rant: Some, but not all of Bad Neighbors moved out.
    Rant: Still too busy at work to read Popville! Boo…
    Rave: I have a job I can complain about.

  • Rant: Didn’t get the dream job.
    Rave: Am currently employed at a pretty good job.
    Rave: Very supportive partner.

  • Rant: trying to court new friends is hard. I think they are trying to let me down easy.
    Rave: older friend and I are flirting with BFF status.
    Rant: I feel 15 and dating isn’t even involved.

    • How come no one tells you that making friends as an adult is HARD??!! I’m so thankful for the friendships I’ve cultivated since moving down here.

    • What makes you think they are trying to let you down easy?

      • I was wondering the same thing, thinking that you might be blaming yourself for something that wasn’t personal.

        • I don’t think it’s personal. Bad timing, they don’t think we click, they don’t have room for more friends right now, or any number of reasons could all be why I’m getting the fade out. I’m just dejected that my invitations keep getting turned down or ignored.

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