From the Forum – “So I dutifully scooped up this uber-turd and got rid of it, and the next day…another. And then…another, on the third day!”

Photo by PoPville flickr user kimberlyfaye

Doodie In The Garden:

“OK…I’m not even sure how to describe what’s going on here.

We have a lot of feral cats in our corner of Petworth. So I’m used to digging up cat poop in our garden. (Not enough ground cover, too much mulch for the cats to resist.) But three days ago something new turned up: A king-sized doodie! There is no way this came from a cat. It was too large and there was no attempt to bury it. So I dutifully scooped up this uber-turd and got rid of it, and the next day…another. And then…another, on the third day!

Now our back gate is not locked–doesn’t even have one, but up until now, we’ve never seen anyone try to get into our garden, and our neighbors are very vigilant. So this had to have happened overnight. I thought perhaps someone was letting their dog into our backyard to do their business, but the Frogette took one look at this and said, “That’s a person. EEEWWWWW!” (You might ask how we know this, but if you’ve lived in San Francisco for any length time, you’d get it.)

So my question for the forum? Has this happened to anyone else? Ever heard of anything like this? Besides putting a lock and chain on our gate…anything else we can/should do?

Any suggestions are appreciated.”

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41 Comment

  • Hook up a roll of toilet paper to a camera. They pull the paper, the wireless camera takes a pic of their face with a flash. They will be too mortified to come back. The downside is you might lose the camera or have the poop thrown at your house. Alternatively, you could hide in your backyard with the hose on and just spray the person once their pants are down.

    • There are motion-activated water sprinklers (SprayAway, Scare-Crow) that you could set up too. Likely to be more expensive than a lock or gate, but also more vindictive?

  • had the same issue in the alley in the columbia/irving, 11th/13th block. installing a lock is the cheapest most efficient solution.

  • There used to be a homeless guy in the M street NW/New York ave intersection area that would poop all over the place during the day. It was so bad that one of the neighbors had a sign in the alley that said something like “this area under 24 hour video surveillance – blame the guy who kept pooping here.” There was also a homeless lady that used to wander around shaw/U street area that would sit on random house stairs and i saw her poop in a couple yards. I would call the police, but when they showed up they said if they didn’t actually witness it there was nothing they could do.

  • Unfortunately, I have experienced this disgusting new form of litter. In the unit block of S Street NW also on 5th & S. On 5th & S it was blamed on the construction workers, but there was no construction on the unit block of S. What skeeves me out is they were doing it in the middle of the sidewalk. Who cops a squat in the middle of the block? I mean REALLY!!!

  • Had this problem a couple times a week for the first year I lived in cohi. I didn’t have a gate that went across the back of my lot, and people would crap there, people would let their pets crap there, or contractors would dump their trash on my parking pad.

    Then I got a Pooner. Best 7K I ever spent, and not one issue since.

    • Yep, the Pooner door was the first investment we made in our house 12 years ago, and the doodie in the back yard had a lot to do with the purchase. Not to mention security in general.

    • What is a Pooner? Google was not helpful and possible NSFW.

  • While I was renovating my house, I had a portajohn outside for the laborers. I swear it wound up on some public pooping forum, because people came to use it constantly. My contractor had enough of it, slapped a lock on it, and I wound up with poop in far less convenient places.

    Yes, by all means, lock your gate. But watch where you step for a while.

    • I find the idea of a public pooping forum pretty amazingly absurd. I just imagine people who have either a public pooping fetish or a fear of pooping indoors lurking on a messageboard, hoping to find a place near them, because goddammit, they really have to take a dump.

  • Install spot light along with placing some crazy NRA supporter sign for a few days (assuming people who poop in the open can read) and your problem will go away.

  • Gah this guy got us last Thursday while I was at work. Decided to explode against the wall in my carport in the alley of the 3000 block of 11th st. So extreme that it looked calculated. It was so odd and explosive that I had to laugh, but also nearly vomit. Sometime over the next 3 nights in that same space someone slashed a hole in my car’s soft top, grabbed grease out of my trunk and smeared it all over my seats for me. I’ve been wondering if the two were related somehow.

  • gotryit

    Surveillance cameras… figure out a pattern, then get the hose and wait for them.

  • gotryit

    +1, you win

  • Just put a lock on your gate.

  • So we put a lock on the gate, and it’s happened one additional time since then.

    So now we’re left with: 1) A human whose really…really keen on crapping in our garden. So much so that he/she is willing to climb over one of our fences to do it. (Possible, one fence is a brick wall that, at it’s low point, is about 4′.) 2) A tiger. 3) Somebody’s really skinny dog. 4) What? A Raccoon, possum…the largest rat the world has ever seen?


  • We’ve been seeing this in the 700 block of Lamont in Park View, too. Last week, there was a huge pile in the middle of the sidewalk that had to be human. So foul.

    My roommate also had someone take a dump while riding on the 70 bus last week. When the guy went to get off, the bus driver refused to open the door and told him he had to literally take his shit with him. Maybe you could try that tactic?

  • I’ve seen this scenario before, back in college. Based on my reading of this thread I can draw only one conclusion:

    Petworth has a mad shitter on the loose.

  • That is so, unbelievably disgusting. I am so sorry for you.

    You can get motion-activated cameras on amazon (we have one), but I imagine a photograph of the perpetrator wouldn’t help much. Perhaps a big sign “poopers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law” would help?

  • I’ve been having this problem in an alley in Mt. P. There’s a homeless guy who sits near the car repair shop and I suspect it’s him. This has happened three times on the other side of our garage door! How the hell do I stop this?

  • I always advocate the use of the paintball sniper tactic. Sure, you have to stay up all night and procure a paintball gun, but I’m sure that after lighting up his or her tender bits on full auto, they will decide to move on to greener pastures.

  • This is the solution!!!!

    Contech CRO101 Scarecrow Motion Activated Sprinkler:

  • justinbc

    Motion activated spotlight / alarm is relatively inexpensive. Just turn it on when you go to sleep and you’ll wake up when the perp scales the fence.

  • If its not completely huge and disgusting it is possible that it’s just a big feral cat. I adopted a maine coon cat from the pound and I swear to you the first time I had to change the litter box after I got him I thought for a moment “Did a homeless man break into my apartment and shit in the litter box?”

  • This isn’t going to solve your immediate problem, but….

    donate to places that build affordable housing and help the homeless get more stability (N St. Village, Manna, Miriam’s Kitchen, Transitional Housing Corp, etc.)

    and call/email your councilmember and say you want more services for the homeless. Say you want shelters that stay open after hypothermia season so that people aren’t leaving the library at 9pm, pooping in your yard, and sleeping on the streets. You want them to build supportive housing. To create a program that really helps people with severe mental illness apply for disability benefits (or to give grants to organizations that already do this work, so they can serve more people). To expand mental health courts and exercise some real oversight of Dept. of Behavioral Health Core Service Agencies and have longer drug and alcohol rehab programs that have more of a chance of working. But mostly, building more affordable housing: single-room occupancy, with supports, will work for a lot of homeless adults. Say you’re willing to have a small building of this type in your neighborhood, since it’s better for you if the person pooping in your yard actually has a room with a toilet down the hall. And most of the folks who are pooping outside would much prefer this too.

  • Unfortunately, if it is person, it’s because there are so many mentally ill people wandering around this city/country without help. I’ve seen it happen (luckily, not the actual act, but the aftermath) in other cities, and it is always someone completely out of his/her mind.

  • Thread of the year

  • OP, we definitely need further updates on this.
    I very nearly put an offer on a house in Truxton Circle a couple of years ago. I was talking to a neighbor in the alley behind the house; she was telling me how men pee against the wall all the time and how gross it was. I pointed to the giant pile of poo (covered in flies) sitting smack in the middle of the entrance to the house’s parking spot. She said, “yes, that too.”
    That was one of my two main considerations in not buying the place. I absolutely could not stomach cleaning something like that up ever, let alone on a regular basis. Ugh.

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