PoP Profile: Monkeyrotica – Blog Commenter Extraordinaire

DSCN5419, originally uploaded by Prince of Petworth.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of interviewing DC’s most prolific blog commenter – Monkeyrotica. Anyone who is a regular reader of DCist or many of DC neighborhood blogs will surely be familiar with this nom de plume. He was even featured in the City Paper’s mock lawsuit against City Paper readers. Those who are familiar with his comments will know that he is iconoclastic and irreverent to say the least. Based on his comments I was fairly certain I was going to meet someone from the fringes of society. I couldn’t have been more wrong. You know most people think that prolific blog commenters live in their mother’s basements and haven’t had a date or any social interaction in years. Well with Monkeyrotica this couldn’t be further from the truth. When I entered Duffy’s for the interview I spotted an all American family and slapped my face a few times in disbelief. Who would’ve guessed? Monkeyrotica is a family man!

I actually found Monkeyrotica through his wife’s blog, Nylonthread. Pictured above are Monkeyrotica, 41, his wife Nylonthread, 38, daughter Rosie, 6, and son Dash, 3. Ed. note: I have to add that throughout the entire interview I was regaled by Dash’s recollections of recent movies he had seen, particularly the Lord of the Rings trilogy. His knowledge was amazing.

Monkeyrotica is a lifelong DC area resident. He has lived in Capitol Hill, Mt. Pleasant, and Shaw though since 2003 the family has lived in Alexandria, VA. He explained his love/hate relationship with DC as such: “I love the city but she’s expensive and needs to clean her shit up, but you know she never will, but you still love her even if you want to punch her in the face from time to time.” Did I mention that some people find him offensive?

For his day job Monkeyrotica is an editor for a government agency. He explained that he has a “really boring job with a lot of downtime” and he frequently comments on blogs during this downtime because he finds it “essential to exercise my brain”.

Monkeyrotica originally started commenting on the blog plastic.com but started commenting on DCist shortly after it was founded. For DCist readers – his icon is from the “Church of the Subgenius” which basically “makes fun of cults.” In all the time he has been commenting on DCist he has only had one comment taken down. About that comment he explains, “I thought it was a positive way of poking fun at menopausal women”. Let me just take a moment to say while his sense of humor may be offensive to some, the dude really is hilarious. He delivers most of his answers in an absolutely deadpan manner.

In addition to his commenting, Monkeyrotica, an English major in college, also writes fiction that can be found here at monkeyrotica.com and here at feedbooks.com. However, the amount of his writing has decreased significantly since he had children. Another random fact about Mr. Monkeyrotica is that he is an accomplished cook according to his wife. He has three Webber smokers and is pining for a fourth. Continues after the jump.

I asked him why he doesn’t just start a blog of his own. His response was simple, “Why? I get to read blogs and write on blogs where I’m worshiped like a God by urban hiptards”. I don’t think the written word does justice to how funny this response was, because the secret that Monkeyrotica probably doesn’t want you to know is that, despite his often crass comments, he is really a nice guy. And he really is admired by many. His wife relayed a story of how he was at a party with one of the Washington Post’s going out gurus and a woman at the party was far more excited to find out that Monkeyrotica was also in attendance.

Monkeyrotica cuts in and says very seriously, apropos of nothing, “you know what I’m afraid of?” He answers “I’m afraid of white people and particularly tourists who stink of bengay and failure”.

It is comments like that that have made him a near legend in the DC blogosphere. And comments like these allow many people with lots of “downtime” at work to get through their days without going crazy.

At the conclusion of the interview, he says to me, “Everything I just told you in the last hour was a lie. I’m really a homosexual contortionist.”

And that my friends is Monkeyrotica in a nutshell – irreverent, family man, iconoclast, and most importantly for the DC blogosphere – very very funny.

66 Comment

  • OMG, that’s Monkeyrotica? He and his family look so normal! Great interview subject, PoP. Very interesting all around.

  • Oh. I remember them. oh jeez.

  • I’m pretty relieved that when I asked KellyGo about metro stops in DC she didn’t say, you know who you should talk to? Monkeyrotica! I might have been scared or scarred. Or both. Probably both. Not that I’m a tourist that stinks of bengay or anything.

  • He hasn’t lived in DC in 6 years?!? I’m so disillusioned. Did he say why he moved to Alexandria–better schools, tired of city life, didn’t want his kids beaten for fun outside of the Metro (see other PoP post)?

  • Pretty much “all of the above.” And to be closer to Grandma and Grandpa Monkey, and all that cheap babysitting. Then there’s that whole “taxation without representation” thing. But what finally sent me packing was the Council’s sewage trebuchet control laws, which are clearly unconstitutional. The First Amendment protects a citizen’s right to throw poo. They’ll have to take that right FROM MY COLD DEAD STINKY HANDS!

    Y’know what’s the only thing worse than bloggers who blog about blog commenters? Commenters who comment about blog commenters.

  • then what do you say about bloggers who comment about blog commenters commenting about commenters on someone else’s blog?

  • Anyone who follows Monkeyrotica on Twitter knows he’s a great cook–or at least can type a good recipe in 140 characters or less.

  • “And that my friends is Monkeyrotica in a nutshell – irreverent, family man, iconoclast, and most importantly for the DC blogosphere – very very funny.”

    I’m going to make a shitload of cash on these “I knew Monkeyrotica before he was kinda famous, in an internet sorta way” t-shirts!

  • Superlative citizen journalism there: the mask has been torn away…

    So where does this place Master Monkey in the great pantheon of local gods? Where does he rank versus Cool Disco Dan, Captain 20, Mayor f’Life, or Bob (friggin’) Turk? Answer me!

  • Wow. I’m in shock.

    I wonder if sommer at dcist is pissed that pop got the scoop. Hmm.. Looking forward to the upcoming flame war. *twiddles fingers*

  • I’d say I register slightly above Moan-dee the Sea Monster but way below Count Gore de Vol.

    My speaking fee just went up from two PBRs to four Redhook ESBs! Thank you, Prince of Petworth!

  • How does one go about getting a government job with a lot of downtime?

  • 1. Move to Ward 8.
    2. Give Marion Barry a call saying he still owes you for that half-eaten dead hooker of his you took care of.
    3. Show up to collect a paycheck every two weeks.
    4. PROFIT!

  • Oh, my dear god, you are exactly the sort of sad fat fuck that I would totally expect to furiously and never-endingly write asinine comments on pointless internet forums all the day long, thinking that somehow this makes him a genius. How is it you even have a job still in this rotten whore of an economy? Speaking of which, does your wife know she’s really playing under her potential here? Smart move knocking her up.

    Keep up the good work, asshole.

  • he is an awesome cook. when he doesn’t have poo in his hands, that is.

  • Oh shit! Matt, why don’t you tell him how you REALLY feel?

  • Daddy? Is that you? Why did you never love me?

  • Well, Monkeyrotica has said many a time that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. A lot of flattery and a phenomenal sense of humor can go a long way. Two things that “Matt” does not know anything about.

  • I actually stopped reading the DCist comments because of commenters like him. It’s really not my kind of humor… I hope the same thing doesn’t happen on this blog.

  • Coincidentally enough, I actually started reading the DCist comments because of commenters like him. It’s exactly my kind of humor. If only I were witty enough…

  • I’m a fan. If you’re not, it might be because you have a blunt, dullard sense of humor. Or none at all. Maybe!

  • Matt, attacking someone so personally through an anonymous blog post is, in my opinion, pretty low. I’m sure the dude will laugh it off, but why do it?

  • One of Chowhound’s best!

  • I’m disappointed that I didn’t get this scoop.

  • Hard to scoop stuff from Fargo, Hill Rat.

  • @Hill Rat: Welcome back, BTW! Glad to see you’re back and in form.

  • yar, i’ve known the guy for over a year now, and i thought blowing his cover would be a crime. guess i didn’t show enough $$$, eh?

  • Monkey is indeed one of the Greats but I’ll agree, nobody can rise to the level of Count Gore deVol without centuries of intense meditation and living in a Tibetan tree-house, surviving on a diet of yak butter mescaline and dark chocolate covered espresso beans.

    Start with lower chakras: if you can attain Oneness with, say, Chef Combo, you can then move on to the gerbil races, It’s Academic, and eventually achieve deVolitude.

    Captain Chesapeake coulda been effin’ Willard Scott if the dude hung in there a bit longer and drank his yak-butter mescaline like a good boy.

    Offhand I’d say this story tops the unmasking of Borf by a longshot.

  • Isn’t there a chance Monkeyrotica’s boss could stumble upon this and find out what he is really doing at work or is it just impossible to get fired from a government job?

  • Best-case scenario: maybe his boss will read this and realize that he/she hasn’t tapped Monkey’s potential and give him more challenging work?

  • “maybe his boss will read this and realize that he/she hasn’t tapped Monkey’s potential and give him more challenging work?”

    potential for what, scatological madlibs? i mean, if you’ve got a half dozen synonyms for feces and ejaculature you’re most of the way there, aren’t you?

  • Hey Monkey: keep to your side of the street ‘kay?

  • Come to think of it, these CIA deathsquad manuals could benefit from a few more fart jokes.

  • So this guy makes crude quips about the inner workings of a city he doesn’t even live in? Vintage vitriol spewed from the safety of the lily white Nova burbs? A real trailblazer here kids. A man truly in the trenches.

  • Hey, Alexandria counts as a trench. Actually, it’s more like a culvert. Be fair, it’s an open ditch latrine in midsummer.

  • Alexandria is hardly lily-white. All the people who talk about the whiteness and the boringness of the Virginia suburbs really should visit there. The inner suburbs are probably more diverse than DC. Further out, yeah they get whiter, but there are still substantial black and Hispanic populations in places like, say, Manassas.

    Anyone who thinks monkeyrotica is over the top should get a load of the knuckle-dragging racist mouthbreathers who populate the Washington Post’s reader comments threads. Horrible people, almost every last one of them.

  • the wtopnews dot com discussion threads put the Post threads to shame.

    anyone else think it’s funny how folks work themselves up into a rabid lather over anonymous Internet jerks they don’t even know and never will.

  • the wtopnews dot com discussion threads put the Post threads to shame.

    anyone else think it’s funny how folks work themselves up into a rabid lather over anonymous Internet jerks they don’t even know and never will?

  • Wow, thanks for the warning. I promise not to go there.

    You know, I wonder — what is it about some blogs that seem to collect a group of more-or-less sane posters (like PoP) vs. some places like reader comment threads that seem to collect the dregs of society? They are equally anonymous. Is it just the difference between being on a blog, which is something like a community, vs. just spouting off on a newspaper article? Perhaps that’s it.

  • I’m really disappointed that a busy day at work inadvertently caused me to miss the blogtastic opportunity to spin this conversation wildly out of control into an impassioned and ethically charged forum on fecal-fed trebuchet zoning laws in the beltway, kudos monkeyrotica, perhaps one day I too will be paid in beer for my lunch break blatherskite.

  • Clearly, Jojo did not even bother to read the interview. I clearly state in several areas how I HATE whitey, Ben Gay, mayonnaise, and failure. Why do you think I left DC in the first place? Honkeys be takin ovah Saint Ex wif dey Bugaboo strollers an $h!t. And WTF is up with the “lily white suburbs” crack. Hell, Centerville has more Chinese in it than Chinatown ever had, and you can’t order a pack of condoms in Del Ray unless you speak Spanish..

    But I totally agree about making ad hominem attacks on places you don’t even live in. That will always be cool.

  • Is there a monkeyrotica imposter posting under his name here? Some posts (e.g., double-post without capitalization) doesn’t sound like him.

  • On a more serious note, it’s unfortunate that some get to collect a check and do basically nothing at comfortable government jobs while honest, hard working Americans across the nation are losing their jobs everyday.

  • On a lighter note, it’s hilarious how anonymous cowards pass judgements on total strangers they know absolutely nothing about except what they read in a blog.

  • OMG Monkeyrotica, Poop , Captain 20/Count Gore Ve Dal, and Captain Chesapeake, this is the best thread ever. Now someone needs to fit in comments about “Fudgie the Whale” and Cookie Puss and creating a jackson pollack with liquid poo and I will be a happy camper.

  • Man, some people be hating on teh Monkey! My friend doesn’t like him, “because he’s a troll.”

    Any idiot can write some stupid shit and get people riled up. Monkey is that special kind of idiot who can write something that at first reading appears to be stupid shit, but upon second reading is actually at least moderately clever.

    The magic happens when people who “get” the second reading sit back & watch people with that witches brew of humor-deficiency, self-righteousness & hair-triggers freak-the-fuck-out about the first reading.

    This is his art. It’s not for everyone and that’s the point.

    But srsly, anyone who would “stop reading DCist” because of commenters like Monkey has to be an total blowhard jerkoff. It’s just blogs.

  • Thanks, mom. Now, GET OFF THE ROOF!

  • I stand corrected. Northern Virgina is replete with coloreds and a blistering melting pot of culture.

    anonymous cowards? Isn’t that your bread and butter? Just because you’ve pasted your homely mug on a website doesn’t mean you’ve been exposed. Revel in your fleeting net fame. If anyone is taking anything too serious it’s you my friend.

  • Jojo – The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. I sincerely hope you can find it in your heart to accept Christ into your life for as He said, “No one may enter the kingdom of Heaven except through Me.”



  • Didn’t you regurgitate that from your post at DCist. Hackwork. You don’t perform well under fire.

  • Fire? Where?

    Oh. I see what you did there, you clever minx.

  • We’ve all learned something invaluable today. Fat, swarmy ethnically ambiguous dudes talk most of their shit via the internet in the confines of suburbia.

  • Prince Of Petworth

    All right, that’s enough. Let’s settle down a bit.

  • hey, jojo, something tells me you wouldn’t make that statement to anyone’s face, so i think you should back down a bit here. i’ve had the pleasure of spending time with mr. and mrs. monkey in person a few times, and i must say that both are willing to spew whatever you want to hear in person in the city or suburbs, or both.

  • Shouldn’t that be “smarmy?” Or “swarthy” maybe? I’m confused. I think the insult would be a teensy bit more effective if I could actually understand it.

  • IMGoph – I’ll say anything to anyone. Trust me darling.

    monkey – smarmy. attack the typo. Evade the truths.

  • @jojo: I resemble that remark! Maybe! Except i live in dc and I’m not a dude. but i am swarmy like poo on a sidewalk on a hot summer’s day.

    I don’t know if now is the time i give you your constellation prize for figuring it all out. But, since i’m anonymous and all on the internet, I’m just going to keep on hiding in my grandma’s basement watching house while scratching my ass while waiting for my hot pockets to heat up.

  • I can see Monkey covered in burger king wrappers with star wars figurines strewn across a foul smelling basement while feverishly darts from blog to blog sick with the fever of new found celebrity.

  • Hey, I keep our basement smelling sweet and clean. Maybe! And since Monkey cooks all our fabulously prepared, healthy, wonderful meals (am I scoring points here, Monkey? keep cooking!) from scratch (purchased at ethnically ambiguous bodega-marts), I can’t say we’ve ever had a burger-corp wrapper in the house. Ach, we’re pretty normal over here. Except when Monkey decides to climb up on the roof and quote entire soliloquies from Hamlet. Man, I hate when he does that.

  • Yes. Good. I can feel the anger flowing through you. You hate as only the young can hate; with a reckless, all-encompassing hate. Every online celebretard is $h!t and must be HATED. It gives you strength. It gives you focus. Pick up your jedi weapon. I am defenseless. Strike me down. Fulfill your destiny and take your place at my side.

    Henceforth, you shall be known as…Darth JoJo.

  • Great profile! Nylonthread and Monkey are a charming set. If you ever are lucky enough to get invited to one of their parties, you’re in for a treat.

    “Darth JoJo”: hee! Monkey, you are a funny, funny man. It so weird, these people don’t know you at all. For one thing, “fat”? Hardly. You fill out a pair of leather pants right nice. Rowr. “Burger King”: ha! Not unless they recently got a 4-star rating. Monkey has the best palate of anyone I know and is a genius in the kitchen. And “new found celebrity”: He may be a new-found celebrity to you, but he’s always been our Dorothy Parker.

    Yeah, maybe he is a little swarmy, though.

  • Monkey you’re corny.. your “droves” of followers are worse. Please stop referring them here to defend you.

  • jojo: your belief that a dorky guy who gets profiled on this website has some group of “followers” that he can conjure up to defend him at a whim is silly at best, stupid at worst.

    i post to, and read from, a TON of blogs in this city. so do a lot of these other people. we aren’t here because of monkey or anyone else. we’re here of our own volition. don’t insinuate otherwise.

  • Well, technically, I’m chained in Monkey’s basement. But “volition” is pretty subjective.

  • Groak! Hey, there are so many peeps chained up down there I forgot about you! So, um, getting enough bread & water? And wait! Yr stealing our WiFI!! More flogging for you. And you’ll be forced to watch “The Swimmer” on constant reply.

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