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Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

by Prince Of Petworth May 30, 2017 at 9:15 am 112 Comments


Photo by PoPville flickr user Eric P.

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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  • mtpresident

    Rant: My cousin (who’s like a sister to me) got her biopsy results quickly and she’s got breast cancer. Damnit.
    Rant: Slept sh!tty all weekend between the above news and mtpkiddo having a hard time the first night of our trip–I swear she was up half the night.
    Rant: Our friends couldn’t join us on the trip because one of them came down with a stomach bug Friday night
    Rave: trip to Williamsburg was still fun and we got to catch up with other friends who live down there unexpectedly. Was really lovely to see them.
    Rant: Unsurprisingly, this morning was a sh!tshow. And I realized when I got to work that I left my keys at home. I know exactly where they are. But I’m going to need someone else to let the kids and I into the house tonight.
    Rave: I got to work, I got mtpkiddo to the bus, and mtpwife & mtpbaby are well on their way. Today, I am going to count that as a win. Something has to be.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I’m so sorry you cousin has cancer. Cancer sucks.

    • artemis

      So sorry about your cousin’s diagnosis, mtpresident.

    • mtpresident

      Thanks, guys. And crap–I just went to check in with a friend to pass along as a resource because she’s been through the breast cancer experience–and learned that she’s just been diagnosed with a reoccurance. Cancer really does suck.

      • Anonamom

        Oh wow, I’m sorry for the double whammy of bad news.

      • FridayGirl

        I am so sorry…… I’ll keep them both in my thoughts. Cancer is the worst.

      • eggs

        I’m so sorry.

    • SinSA

      I am so, so sorry to hear that your cousin has cancer. I hope that she has a good team of doctors behind her, and that there’s a treatment plan in place.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      I’m so sorry. I am a breast cancer survivor – it will be 10 years next October. There was a support group on yahoo that I found very helpful. I posted a blog at http://www.blogspot.christmascancer.com I think it is still there that talked about going through radiation. Let me know if I can help.

      Dianne

      • anonymouse_dianne

        looks like it is not there any longer.

        • anonymouse_dianne

          it should be Christmascancer dot blogsot dot com

        • anonymouse_dianne

          Actually it is but I reversed the first two parts. Christmas should come before BlogSpot.

          • mtpresident

            Thank you, I appreciate it!

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: coffee breath
    Rave: had a great time with QZ, Middle Zelda, and Eldest Zelda over the weekend.
    Rave: 4 working days until vacation!

  • anonymous

    Rant: Woke up with Travis’ “Why Does it Always Rain On Me” in my head. I think this will unfortunately be my theme this week. A major disappointment taking its toll, but…
    .
    Rave: Got in some great workouts in the past two days to counter the melancholy blues. Also, I have some cute clothes coming in the mail. Just got to keep on keepin’ on.

  • j

    Rant: the guy who sits on the corner of 15th and K and screams good morning to everyone walking by at the absolute top of his lungs. You can hear him two blocks away. I realize there are worse things to scream at people but I’d much rather not have my eardrums shattered every morning.
    Rant: Golf umbrellas on crowded downtown sidewalks. Especially when it’s not even raining, just damp out. Be aware of others for crying out loud.
    Rave: Harper.

    • hoboinnoma

      I’ve gotten to know the guy who yells “GOOD MORRRNING!!” over the last couple of years, and yes, while his yelling is very loud, he is a really good guy. I bought him breakfast the other day and talked with him for some time. He has his struggles, but he is a kind person who is down on his luck.

      To be clear, I’m not trying to guilt you — I felt the same way you did! Especially when trying to do a conference call that I should have been doing from the office.

    • I realize that the ‘good mornings” can be loud (particularly if you haven’t had coffee), but I always enjoyed saying hi as part of my morning commute. His name is Larry and WaPo has written about him several times:

      “He’s a 62-year-old Vietnam War veteran who once did time in federal prison for burglary, who suffers from schizophrenia, who walks with a limp and a cane because he was hit by a truck, who hasn’t been able to find a job for years, who lives in a tiny apartment in a not-so-great neighborhood and who has never been married or had kids. And yet, he’s so happy.”

    • OffTheAvenue

      +1 on your Harper rave!

  • artemis

    Rant: Baby Artie slept like crap last night, which means I slept very little. He’s working on his molars. Of course, the crappy sleep always happens as the work week is beginning again.
    Rave: Despite a grumpy toddler recovering from a cold and teething, I had a fun and productive weekend.
    Rave: Finally planted our vegtetable garden boxes.
    Rant: The rest of the garden beds really need weeding and taming.

  • E

    Rant: Dreary weather today.
    Rant/rave: I would like to get into data mining as a career and I work in a related field (statistics). The problem is that I would like to get a certificate in data science but I’m not sure what I would need to prepare for it. I took a bunch of stats courses in grad school that helped me get my current job but only 2 undergrad math courses. Not sure where to begin.
    Rant: Bad attack of depression and anxiety Saturday night that left me with 2 hours of sleep.
    Rave: Got some great deals from Memorial Day sales this weekend.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      Learn SAS and/or R. That is a skill you will need in that field. Dianne @ census.

    • bubbles

      I know someone who just completed a one-year data science MA program at NC State — their admissions website might have some of the information you’re looking for!

      • E

        Thanks

  • bizzinger

    Rave: Fun weekend in Virginia Beach, including the best tacos I’ve had outside of Mexico.
    Rave: I feel like there are horizons open that weren’t open a while ago. Exciting, but I want to be deliberate and actually take them up instead of wussing out (as usual).
    Rant: Bad diagnoses.

  • MPinDC

    Rave: Farm time and more wildlife spotting – this time it was a flock of wild turkeys and a big ol’ snapping turtle. My pup discovered the turtle, fortunately they were on opposite sides of the garden fence. Later, a different (smaller) snapping turtle sighting. Are the snapping turtles on the march?
    Rave: Pair of indigo buntings => little baby buntings on the way
    .
    Rant: Oh my aching back, I could not find a comfortable sleeping position and waited too long to take advil.

  • LittleBluePenguin

    Rave: Oh my gosh, I’m going to do it, I’m going to start taking horseback riding lessons in a couple weeks! I visited a couple stables, and the one nearest me I think will work out quite nicely! I got boots, a helmet, some gloves and pants, and am ready to learn something new (even though I’m a teensy bit scared!)
    Rant: Extremely tired because I couldn’t fall asleep for hours last night because I was trying to solve the “who killed Sister Cathy?” conundrum – I binge watched Netflix’s “The Keepers” and am haunted/confused by it!
    Rant: some sort of alarm started chirping for new batteries or something at 6 am Sunday, and I can’t figure out how to fix it. Our house is wired for ADT, so even though we don’t use the service, everything sort of goes through there, including the fire and carbon monoxide alarms. When I opened up the keypad to figure out what system we had (so I could look up the instruction manual online), the alarm stopped after a couple minutes. I did NOTHING. So now I’m just waiting for it to start up again.
    Rant: I was so convinced it was going to go off again that I dreamed about it, and woke myself up at 4:45 am convinced the alarm was chirping again. It wasn’t, but I couldn’t really fall asleep after that. So I am exhausted!

    • textdoc

      “Chirping” is usually a smoke detector telling you the battery (a simple 9-volt one) needs to be replaced.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        The smoke detector is tied into the system. I’m going to try replacing it later today (if I can find a new 9v battery), and hope to the gods that that helps!

        • textdoc

          If it’s a simple smoke detector, it’ll take a 9V battery. But if it’s a fancier one (there are two in my house that are fancier and are connected to the alarm system), it might need something different. (Maybe an A23 battery? I can’t remember.)

    • MPinDC

      How exciting! Which stable did you choose?

      • LittleBluePenguin

        The one at the Wheaton Regional Park! It’s just so close, and I liked what I observed as I walked around for a couple hours, watching the classes and the horses and such!

    • L2

      SPOILER ALERT FOR KEEPERS > I also bingewatched that show this weekend! I think the boyfriendish priest is not nearly as innocent as he seems, same for the roommate nun. He definitely knew about the abuse; she would have totally told him if they were as close as it seems. I see two options: the neighbor did it, the church found out and was like “Wow, we got lucky! Let’s use this to put fear in the victims!”, or the main priest hired the shady dudes to do the deed or collaborated w/the shady dudes on it.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        Yeah, I was totally rooting for the BFish priest until the part where he talked about how he had been ‘threatened” by the cops in the interrogation – what he said about what he was shown made NO SENSE at all, and I’m really really really worried for his wife and kids now….

        • L2

          Ditto. That was the type of comment a compulsive liar would make.

    • Anonymous

      When my system had a rather loud low battery alert (during a blackout), I was sometimes able to silence the alarm by hitting “command – 4” on the control panel. One time that didn’t work and I ended up having to disconnect the battery (also during an extended blackout), which wasn’t easy in a dark basement. I think that it did manage to recharge after the power came back on, but there was one instance in which I had to replace the battery in the panel after a low battery alarm (that isn’t a typical small smoke alarm battery, but a large box). If you want to call it chirping, it is a large, powerful cricket, and it made my cat quite jumpy.
      My smoke detectors are separate from the alarm system, and those will start chirping once a year, and I have to replace the 9V battery.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        Yeah, see, the actual alarm isn’t chirping, the keypads were – but they would display the word “Fire” every so often as they were scrolling through the list of “not ready” zones….like, what?! I have no idea where there would be a battery to connect or disconnect…My dad suggested it might be in the basement, but all I saw was some sort of large thing on the wall that was labeled with the name of an internet company….

        • textdoc

          Hmm, that’s weird. Did your landlord leave you any info on the system?
          .
          My alarm system has a large nonstandard backup battery in the main unit. When it had to be replaced, I had to special-order a replacement battery and follow an online video to get the unit open and swap the batteries. (They made it deliberately difficult to do this, so that a burglar wouldn’t be able to disable the system by unplugging it and then disconnecting the battery.) So if your alarm system is having trouble with that kind of battery, you might need info/instructions.

          • LittleBluePenguin

            Nope! They left us with a wonderful binder of all the appliance instructions / manuals /warranties, etc. but the ADT system had been installed by the previous owners but they never used it, and they don’t have any instruction manuals or anything. And they hadn’t had this happen before, since they only lived there about a year before they had to move overseas temporarily! I’ve emailed the landlord, and she suggested just hitting “cancel” or something on the keypad and seeing if that does the trick – otherwise, we’ll all have to cross that bridge together, because she has no more of an idea than I do!

          • LittleBluePenguin

            the other thing is I don’t know which is the “main” unit – there’s a keypad downstairs, and a keypad in the master bedroom, but as to which is the “main” unit, I’ve no clue!

        • Anonymous

          I’m guessing that the device (smoke detector) connects wirelessly to the brain (i.e. the keypad), and the brain is detecting that the signal is weakening and is therefore telling you that the battery in the smoke detector needs to be changed. This happened to me when the battery in my motion detector started going. You may need to a) figure out how to change the battery in the detector and b) reset the keypad so it stops beeping. Google will help you with both of those things.
          .
          (I think a couple other people here are referring to the backup battery for the central system, like the keypad and the part that sends a signal to ADT, but that doesn’t sound like it’s the problem to me.)

          • LittleBluePenguin

            Thanks, I’m going to try to just replace the fire alarm battery (if I have a 9 volt battery handy), and try cancelling out / resetting the keypad, and hope it fixes the issue!!! Keep all your fingers and toes crossed!

          • Anonymous at 2:45

            My entire system is hard-wired, so I wasn’t thinking about separate batteries in any of the sensors, which might need a independent power supply to do its job and send a wireless signal.
            The main unit is the part of the system that controls the system and sends a signal to ADT or your monitoring company. It is separate from any keypads that you have. Mine is in the basement, in the laundry room. For my system, “command-4” or “command-4 after entering the usual code was how to reset it so it stops beeping, but I suppose that varies by system.

  • textdoc

    Rave?: Eagerly anticipating an update from Jim_ed on this past weekend’s wedding craziness.
    .
    Rave: Got a lot of gardening done yesterday.
    .
    Rant: Owww, my back.

    • eggs

      YES I need a wedding update!!

    • SinSA

      I cannot wait for this update.

    • textdoc

      I woke up on Sunday (or maybe it was my cat that woke me up?) at 9:15 a.m. and I was annoyed, because I was still tired. Then I thought to myself, “Poor Jim_ed has already been up for FOUR HOURS.”

  • wdc

    What are those big shiny black beetles that scuttle around the sidewalks after dark in the summer? We lazily call them roaches, but they definitely aren’t.
    Anyway, New Baby Kitty got a hold of one, and he thinks they’re the best cat toy/ treat ever. They’re tough, so he was able to torment it for much longer than the average bug.

    • JoDa

      They’re roaches. Oriental, instead of the German you see more commonly inside buildings. In the south they are often referred to as “water bugs.” They can get REALLY huge.
      .
      http://www.pestworld.org/media/561655/orntlckroch-1f-1.jpg

      • wdc

        Thanks!
        Heads up for the bug-phobic (which I am not): Do NOT click that link. :)

        • LittleBluePenguin

          ha! Thanks! Glad NewBabyKitty is having fun with the bugs, at least!

          • anonymous

            Just be careful, I think they have something on their legs that will make her throw up if she eats one (nothing terrible, just gross). My dog loved trying to eat them, lots of puke.
            .
            I’m terrified of these little bastards. They actually run towards you when you try to whack them, WTF is that????

        • JoDa

          Yeah, sorry. Probably should have put a NSFW (unless shrieking is acceptable). I once lived in a place with an infestation of this variety. Very unsettling as they were much larger than your typical roaches (and I’ve seen some doozies of German roaches at work). It was like living with an alien species. From what I understand, their big draw is dampness/humidity, so controlling that (as most people do) is what keeps them from infesting homes more frequently. Unfortunately, in the place I had that was infested, structural issues were leading to damp conditions we couldn’t really control (and the LL did not care!), and so they made themselves at home.

          • wdc

            They’re pretty harmless, though, right? Just creepy. I like bugs, generally, and even I would get youtube-famous if someone got video of me finding one of those on my person. Gasp-shrieking and dramatic dance moves for days.
            I hate the flat little brown roaches, too. Oh, and “palmetto bugs,” their overgrown flying southern cousins. Gah shudder.

          • JoDa

            I don’t think they’re any more harmful than other roaches – which is to say minor risk of direct harm and moderate risk of indirect harm. German roaches can bite, but AFAIK, usually only do so to immobile people (babies, elderly/infirm). The biggest issue is food contamination. If they’re just outside, then that’s not much of a risk. I could see there being some kind of hair or irritant or something on them to repel predators, so anon could be right that they make animals throw up. My dog’s never tried to snack on one, so I have no experience with that.

          • JoDa

            Also, I was pretty sure of this before but just confirmed, Palmetto bugs are roaches, as well. They’re apparently the American species. Grossness for every continent in that roach family! (the flat brown ones are the German cockroaches I was talking about before)

  • skj84

    Rave: Fantastic weekend in Chattanooga. My flight down went smoothly, I was thoroughly charmed by the city, and the wedding was beautiful. I hope to visit again soon.
    Rave/Rant: Spent yesterday and today in Atlanta. I didn’t get to sightsee that much due to rain, but I did get a picture in front of the Centennial fountain. Had a few dining snafus though. I grabbed a burger at this burger joint by Centennial park, and it was awful. Like the worst burger i’ve ever had in my life. My next two meals were not great, mediocre mac and cheese, and blah brussel sprouts. However fried chicken dinner at South City Kitchen knocked it out of the park.
    Rant: My flight home is already delayed. Its only by 30 minutes, but I’m worried it may get pushed later. I guess it depends on what the weather is doing, but it looks clear by that time.

  • eggs

    Rave: Richmond was amazing! Not sure how I’ll ever enjoy certain beer styles again after the perfection that was The Veil and The Answer.
    Rave: Pool time yesterday.
    Rant: Cooler weather today. Wish it would warm up and stay warm!

  • Anonamom

    Rave: Relatively relaxing weekend. I took the pup for a long walk on a local trail and ended up running into Littlest Anonachild’s teacher. We had a great chat, and it’s so nice to hear that she adores my kid despite some recent behavioral issues. I have been feeling just this shy of World’s Crappiest Mom, so hearing that the issues he’s had are equally on the other kid helped a lot. I think she also felt better that I was able to laugh off the lost glasses found by the lawn mower.
    Rave: Thanks for the suggestions on Friday about Littlest Anonachild’s glasses! He tried out his croakies strap yesterday, and he really likes it! Also, the glasses stayed on, and I show him to slide them down and turn them around if he wanted to have them off for a second. Fingers crossed this works!
    Rant: SO’s continuing depression is starting to get to me, especially since I am realizing that there’s genuinely nothing I can do about it. He needs therapy, but he won’t seek it. He thinks it will all just go away if he is strong enough. He is stubborn and I am tired.

    • Formerly ParkViewRes

      “He needs therapy, but he won’t seek it. He thinks it will all just go away if he is strong enough.”
      Oh man, that is tough. It’s sucks people won’t treat mental health like diabetes or a broken ankle. No, it’s not just going to go away. In fact, it will probably just get worse. And therapy (if you have the right therapist) is amazing! Hope he comes around.

      • Anonamom

        I completely agree. He has also started to make comments about his sister’s use of anti-depressants as a crutch. The thing that gets me is that not even 6 months ago he was toting the benefits of meds and therapy for someone else who was in the midst of depression, but now that he is deep in it, his tune has completely changed. I’m sort of at the point where I don’t know what else to do besides just keeping the world spinning.

        • mtpresident

          I’m so sorry. I think it’s easy to blithely say that getting treatment for depression takes strength and determination from the distant sidelines (not that everyone who makes those statements makes them blithely). I think it’s also easy to think that you “should” be able to handle things–or to be terrified of treatment–when you’re in the thick of it yourself. I wish I had better advice–but if you can, perhaps try to seek therapy yourself. I know you’re buried and don’t have the time, but providing support for yourself might be the best way to provide support for your family. Sending hugs.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      I am so sorry. I found therapy very helpful. Group therapy even more so – there is always someone worse off than you.

      • Bobert

        “there’s always someone worse off than you” – FYI, if that’s all you’re getting out of it, 12-step programs are a far cheaper option (AA, NA, etc.)

        • Anonamom

          I can honestly say he would in no way benefit from group therapy. He is an extremely private and closed off person and it just would not work.

    • anon

      Perhaps, like some with an inkling of what their issues that are causing the depression are (deep childhood stuff, often), he realizes that if he were to start dealing with it all things in the present could start to fall apart. Sometimes when people start dealing with stuff, there’s a bit of a breakdown before they assimilate what they’ve realized or learned and can move forward. I know that I have done therapy at times when I felt like I had the time to deal with stuff – that my job was such that I could handle some disruption in my day to day that dealing with the strong emotions that doing therapy would cause. Other times, I was on all time working a lot, and knew that there was no room for the disruption therapy would cause in my work week. Perhaps it would help to know that you’d all be OK with the disruption dealing might cause – but if it affects his job (ability to earn) or ability to be there to get other stuff done for his family, this might not be true – things could get worse before they get better. Perhaps like some, he feels he can’t fall apart even a little bit, and can’t risk the disruption that therapy might cause, or the effects or side-effects of anti-depressants. Some take anti-depressants to help deal during such therapy; others refuse them because they know they need to deal with stuff and feel like drugs would mask feelings and make it harder to work through the stuff in therapy (this is different from those who feel like brain chemistry is off and anti-depressants “fix” it. And different from those who know they have deep issues from childhood, believe they are hopeless to be fixed, and eschew therapy but take the drugs to help them function.) I’ve known people of all five types I’ve mentioned. Perhaps it would help to discuss openly what his fears are about therapy and drugs are to help him find a path to getting some help. I feel for both of you.

    • Planner

      This was my roadblock to starting therapy for depression:

      The effort of finding a therapist can seem pretty daunting. This is one way that dealing with the depression is quite different from dealing with a physical illness – for that, my PCP is a one-stop shop, or he sends me to a specialist. But to find a therapist – I am on my own, or so it seems.

      And even with therapist recommendations, what are the odds that the first one I see will be the best fit? And then, if she/he is not – when do I know to move on? And I have to both end it with her/him and also then start over with a new one? The thought is truly exhausting – more so than the depression, really.

      Of course, I have no idea if any of this is part of your SO’s thought process, but it has been for me.

      (And I am not claiming my thoughts are most logical but it’s not a logical kind of situation.)

      • anon

        Yes, finding a therapist can be a hard process for most, just as you described it.
        .
        Finding a doctor to deal properly with many medical issues works just the same way, often – though we don’t go into it expecting it will be that way. The physical issues just seem less personal, often, so we figure that the doctor doesn’t know how to diagnose or treat us properly, or isn’t interested in continuing to process to get a right diagnosis, so we move on and consult another one. Perhaps we need to take a step back (mentally) and look at the process of finding a therapist that is good for us the same way.

  • SinSA

    Rant: Was finally told I would not get the title change I asked for at work (to more accurately reflect what I do at the firm).

    Rave: I just told my Partner this information and he said that he’ll see what he and one of the other partners in this office can do for me at the Executive Committee meeting in July.

    Rave: Got a bedding set for my guest room so I can have it look like I actually care about it (and I got it on crazy sale!) AND I bought a new mattress. All ready for my houseguest in June.

    Rant: Got home Friday night to discover the counter people installed my quartz counter tops crooked (and also did a bit of damage to my walls. I cried myself to sleep on Friday night.

    Rave: They immediately agreed that something was off and said they’d have someone at my place today to fix it, even if it means having to take the slabs back to their shop to fix and return them.

    Rant: My contractors still have to finalize all the work once the counter people are gone – I am scared they will do a poor job based on the rest of the work they’ve done (dripped paint all over my refrigerator, got wall paint all over my kitchen ceiling, leaving big spaces where the old cabinets were just open and exposed to the kitchen, leaving things in general disarray and leaving old food sitting out for days before I figured out what it was) and I don’t know how much more any fixes are going to cost me. It’s very frustrating — the first two days, it was totally fine, and then it all went to hell in a very large hand-basket.

    Rave: I have a lot of work to do today to keep me distracted, at least.

  • hiphopanonymous

    Rave: Wonderful and relaxing weekend out in Maryland! Spent two days on the beach at Assateague (one sunny, one rainy), holed up in a crappy little motel, did some shopping…lovely.
    Rant: That time we drove off the beach and the bottom of the car was dragging on the ground. Whatever plastic plate protects the car’s innards and become weighted down with wet sand and fallen off. Now must spend money for skid plates…
    Rant: In a friend’s wedding this weekend but just NOT feeling in! I really hope my mood changes by Friday!
    Rave: Managed to get an appt. with my PT today! Oh, such a painful weekend. Walking up stairs, walking up inclines, walking on uneven sand…I have an anti-inflammatory but it bothers my stomach so I try to avoid it.
    Rave: Also looking forward to the story of Jim_Ed’s wedding experience…

  • LedroitTigah

    Did Jim_Ed get married this past weekend? I must have missed it.

    Rave: Spent a lovely weekend out of DC, drinking wine, eating BBQ, etc. It was just what I needed.

    Rant: Still trying to figure out how to get myself out of this financial hole.

    • eggs

      He was supposed to be a groomsman in a wedding that is bound to be a complete clusterf*ck for the bridal party at a minimum – all the details are in Friday’s Random Reader Rant and/or Revel!

  • SWChick

    RANT: I am dying at this desk. Why on earth did I do so much yesterday?
    RAVE: So much fun yesterday. Rose’ all day. Thanks Vinoteca
    RANT: While at Vinoteca I learned that there is usually a 4 hour wait at the Wharley’s Rose’ Garden. Im sad living nearby I thought I could just pop my head in. I guess not. Has anyone made it in yet?
    RANT: I’m supposed to be providing feedback on super important documents by 1 pm today and Im on Popville instead because I cant focus.
    RAVE: I get to go home at some point today :-/

    • skj84

      I feel you on your first rant. I am so drained right now. On your Whaley’s Rose question, your best bet is later in the evening. I went the weekend they opened after 9:30pm and didn’t have to wait. It may have changed since then of course. But worth a shot.

      • SWChick

        Thanks I will try late.:)

  • jim_ed

    Rave: Made it through the Wedding relatively unscathed
    Rant: About that wedding….
    .
    So we get to the hotel, get checked in and head up to our room. On first inspection it looks OK. Upon further review, we realize things aren’t great. There are stains on the furniture. And on the baseboards. And on the doors. The shower is filthy and leaking. This room is actually filthy. I call my buddy to see how his room is – maybe its just this one? – and his is the same. There are no other hotels remotely close by and the hotel is totally booked, so we’re stuck. I actually debated if I REALLY needed a shower before the wedding because I didn’t have shower sandals. As a broke college kid I stayed in my fair share of rundown motels, and this mid tier chain was dirtier than all of them except for one that rented rooms by the hour.
    .
    We did get a little passive aggressive revenge the night before. The groom declined to come out with us, instead opting for bed at 8pm, leaving us to our own devices. So my buddy and I and our spouses went out to a local bar for drinks. Eventually the bride shows up with her family. We say hello, and she claims she is out to have one drink and then go for an early bedtime so she can be up bright and early. We congratulate her and send her drinks to celebrate. we just happened to send jaeger bombs, which of course are mainly red bull. Very petty, I know. But we laughed.
    .
    Anyhow, the pre-dawn setup was as bad as anticipated. Despite the explicit instructions to EAT BEFORE WE ARRIVED, there was nowhere around the hotel to eat at beforehand, so that didn’t happen. I’m cranky as hell when I first wake up, especially so if I haven’t had coffee, so I was pretty pointed in my remarks to the groom that he needed to provide coffee and food ASAP. He claimed he would, but never did, so when a local donut shop opened at 7, I dropped everything and headed over there. The setup was literally everything – tables, chairs, linens, cushions for chairs, centerpieces, place settings, assembling the altar, stocking the bar, etc. We flew through it pretty quickly, finished by 7:30, and then were told we needed to be back by 8 for pictures. Since I needed a shower and to change, I didn’t hold real tight to this schedule, and got increasingly shittier text messages from the groom every 5 minutes. I’ll pause here to say that I gave the groom a pretty wide latitude during the morning because he has anxiety issues and I knew he’d be wound up extra tight. I mainly tried to play along as best I could during the day, except for one moment. We were lounging about with the two hours between the 8am picture time and the start of the ceremony when he noticed I had one of the tag threads still on my pants. I had kept this tag because it was virtually unnoticeable since it was inside the pants and would be covered with my jacket. He noticed it and said he wanted to cut it off, I told him to leave it be. He keeps agitating about it until I finally told him I kept it because I planned on returning them. He called me a cheap ass and I snapped back with “you really wanna go down the road of who’s being cheap this morning?” It came out a bit meaner than it should have, but that was the one moment I didn’t catch myself. He backed down and left my tag alone.
    .
    The wedding itself was pretty uneventful. It was an open bar, but only stocked with mimosas and bloody marys, which after a few hours gets pretty brutal to keep drinking. The bride and groom didn’t come up to thank us and make small talk as is typical for a wedding. The groom popped by once to remind me I needed to stay to help completely break down the venue. We did not stay to break down the venue. So that’s the wrap-up. Oh also I walked in on my wife being told by a different wedding guest about how he attended the largest klan rally on the east coast during the 60s. My wife had this horrified look on her face, so he added something about “yeah that wasn’t very good”, but it didn’t seem like he was all that sorry about it. We excused ourselves pretty quickly from that conversation. Good times.

    • Formerly ParkViewRes

      That is a lot of crap to setup! They really should have hired two people to do it. And I love a bloody mary, but yeah after a few it’s really too much. Same with mimosas. Ugh, so was this whole wedding a morning wedding? It wasn’t ceremony at 930am and then reception at 430pm?

      • Yes, all morning. Bride and groom left at 3pm, and then the breakdown of the site started.

        • dcd

          Who stayed and did it?

          • Considering we hightailed it out of there after spending 5 minutes taking off a few tablecloths, I can’t fully answer that question, but it looked like mainly the bridal party and their significant others.

          • textdoc

            “after spending 5 minutes taking off a few tablecloths” — I’m sort of hoping you whipped off the tablecloths with the items still on the tables. Magician-style or otherwise. ;)

    • LittleBluePenguin

      holy f#cking sh*t! You are a freaking SAINT for just showing up, I don’t know what you are that you didn’t beat the ever-living shit out of the groom several times. Jim_ed, if you come to the next PopVille HH (Official or Unofficial), you deserve a toast all of your own. Good god, that is absolute insanity!

    • Pixie

      So they wanted you to work all morning setting up their venue, and also needed you to be ready for pictures at 8am? Without providing coffee?! These people are terrible.
      .
      I am curious who ended up doing the breakdown and clean up when it was all over.

    • dcd

      Dear Lord.
      .
      You have the patience of a saint.
      .
      I hope you will provide updates about (i) repercussions for not staying to break down the venue, (ii) the newlywed’s relationship; (iii) your relationship with the groom, and (iv) new stories that you hear about from the weekend (there’s bound to be some, right?).

      • mtpresident

        +1

    • Bobert

      There had to have been a Cletus in attendance, right?

    • Anonamom

      Oh, wow, that is spectacular, and kuddos to you for not telling him to go eff himself at some point.

    • AVEnue

      WOW. I missed this whole thing on Friday and it has been a terrible perverse joy to get caught up. I am so so sorry your “friend” treated you like that. Jerk doesn’t even begin to cover it.

    • eggs

      Oh man. Thanks for the update! You kept your cool much better than most of us would have, I think. I cannot believe they expected you to be totally ready for pictures by 8am if you had to set up THAT much stuff. That’s truly insane. I’m dying to know what happened when you all didn’t stay to do the teardown too though!!

    • As jim_ed’s wife, I have a few additions to this as well:
      .
      It became increasingly clear from comments made that the need for forced labor from the bridal party was absolutely the result of the couple being cheap, hence jim_ed’s snapping at the groom. Most of their wedding decor reflected this (stained second hand linens, plastic flowers that appeared to be dollar store brand, Crystal Light lemonade being the only non-alcoholic drink, etc.). I absolutely do not begrudge anyone trying to save money, and if someone can’t afford fresh flowers or other parts of decor accouterments, I do not judge – weddings are expensive. However, this was not the case for this wedding (we know that for a fact), and even if it was, saving a bit of money does not excuse treating your friends and family like sh*t.
      .
      The couple requested that all guests be “unplugged” (phones completely off) until after their first dance. In addition to a sign, the pastor also announced this immediately before the start of the ceremony. She said that if anyone did disrupt the ceremony with their cell phone, they could see her after the ceremony and be prepared to write the couple a $500 check. I’m only 50% sure that she was joking. The petty person in me really wanted to leave my ringer on and ask someone to call me in the middle of the vows.
      .
      Basically this was the equivalent of what you would see on Bridezillas. I figured most of that show is over-dramatic with the absurd requests, but apparently there are people out there who actually act like that. Also, with the added suspenders and bow tie to the ugly suit, jim_ed and all the groomsmen looked like they were trying to fill in for Tucker Carlson.

      • eggs

        Ugh I just don’t understand. There should be zero expectation from the bridal party to do anything but be there and stand next to you that day. I think most people think that having to purchase something to wear that’s dictated by the bride and groom is a reasonable second thing, but it’s still not REQUIRED. Providing free hours of labor is also not a requirement, the very least they could have done here if they were going to try to get the groomsmen to do it would have been to ask politely, provide food/coffee that morning, and give a significant thank-you gift for their time/effort.

      • Formerly ParkViewRes

        The unplugged wedding has become a thing. I remember hearing someone saying they would be having an unplugged wedding a few years ago. I thought WHAT!? And I’ve heard of more since then. I’ve heard wedding photogs complain about guests getting in their shot with their cell phones, BUT I have been to a lot of weddings and find most people are respectful. Oh, but I think my favorite was when a bride said yes, their wedding would be unplugged and we would have to throw our phones in a basket before the ceremony. She was adamant about the unplugged thing because she said she was paying a photog a lot of money and everyone at the wedding would just be taking shitty photos.

        • dcd

          I am fine with people wanting to have an unplugged wedding. Go for it. But, “we would have to throw our phones in a basket before the ceremony”? No. Just no. I’d refuse on general principle, and my phone is old and sh1tty. Unless you’re getting married in a federal courthouse, that’s absurd.

        • I’m fine with the unplugged wedding. I’m not going to turn my phone off, but I will put it on silent and not take pictures at your request. However, the $500 check comment was the cherry on top of a lot of rude behavior.

      • jim_ed

        fun anecdote to the bow tie and suspenders part I left out of my disjointed navelgazing thoughtcatalog post – After getting dressed in bowtie and suspenders, we had like two hours to kill, so I spent most of it with an exaggerated Foghorn Leghorn voice saying things like “I do declare, today seems like a mighty fine day to take healthcare away from poor people, right after one more mint julep” and dramatically dabbing my brow with a kerchief. It did not play well in the mainly conservative room.

        • wdc

          But it plays really well here, and I at least admire your commitment to the bit! :D

        • AMDCer

          Kudos – at least you kept your sense of humor!

    • Anon

      I feel for you, Jim. Without saying too much, I’ve been there. May your story and mine serve as a warning to the Populace. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a thing, but there’s an alarming number of people out there who have decided that a great way to save money on wedding costs is to rope their friends and family into playing a game of, “Who Wants to be a Caterer?”

      • dcd

        “May your story and mine serve as a warning to the Populace.”
        .
        Your story can’t serve as a warning unless and until you tell it! C’mon, man!

        • textdoc

          +1!

          • Anon

            I will save my tale of woe for a future PoP happy hour….

    • wdc

      They are terrible people. Bad enough to try to get the fancy wedding without paying for it (and making you pay for it instead, both in money and labor). But then they didn’t fall all over themselves thanking you and making you feel like treasured guests? Unthinkable.
      I have questions.
      We got the scoop on the godawful groomsmens’ suits… What did the bridesmaids have to wear?? And did they have to do any of the labor?
      And did you hear from the groom after you didn’t hang around to clean up? If he was sending you increasingly shitty texts about being ready for pictures, I’m surprised that he kept mum on your post-wedding defection.
      And did they ever, in any way, justify their expectation that you do all this work? I’m sure they’ve been to/ in weddings before. They have to have noticed that it’s not the norm to make the guests work, so I’d think they’d say…. something?

      • The bridesmaids dresses were full-length completely sequined gowns (blush pink color). I actually liked the dresses for an evening wedding, but I will say that it was the kind of dress that can really only be pulled off by a certain body type. They were not extremely flattering on all of the attendants and were a bit, um, low cut. And I’m not a prude who is anti-cleavage – when I say low cut, I mean that I am surprised that we didn’t see some of the women’s nipples.

        • textdoc

          Sequins? For a morning wedding??
          .
          Was the bride’s dress equally, um, taste-specific??

          • It wasn’t quite as bad cleavage-wise, but let’s just say it wasn’t something I would have chosen as the most flattering if I had the same body type. The dress also had a lot of the nude mesh fabric meant to blend in with your skin, which I don’t like. If not tailored right (which it wasn’t), that fabric tends to bunch up badly on the arms, which detracts from the overall look. But to each their own.

        • LittleBluePenguin

          Oh man, you are to be commended as well, amandal, for not throwing punches! This whole affair sounds like an absolute miserable disaster. But on the plus side, it makes for a reallllly good story! Also, thanks for describing the bridesmaid dresses – to me it sounds like the groomsmen and bridesmaids must have clashed horribly!

          • wdc

            Full length gowns, fully sequined? Are you sure it wasn’t 10pm in Vegas?? Because that might look fab at 10pm in Vegas.
            And to echo LBP, that must have looked beyond strange next to the southern gentlemen’s yacht club suits.
            These people need a cringey reality show that I would never watch.

    • textdoc

      Actual LOL on “He called me a cheap ass and I snapped back with ‘you really wanna go down the road of who’s being cheap this morning?'”
      .
      Good thinking on keeping the tag on the pants! Can you return the jacket too?

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