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Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

by Prince Of Petworth May 24, 2017 at 9:15 am 121 Comments


Photo by PoPville flickr user Beau Finley

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: First Donna puked all over the place. (Why do cats always puke on the shag carpet and never on the linoleum?) Then she woke me up all night, took me too long to figure out she was hungry. I feel like I got no sleep. I don’t know how parents deal with wake-ups on a nightly basis. My hat’s off to you all!
    Rave: Coffee lots of coffee.

    • textdoc

      “Why do cats always puke on the shag carpet and never on the linoleum?” Somebody here was asking a similar question a few weeks back, as to why dogs/cats always throw up on the Persian rug and not on the floor, and somebody else replied that apparently there’s an evolutionary reason for it: so that they can more easily “catch” that’s um, contained in the puke.
      .
      My cat doesn’t throw up very often, but when she does, it’s almost always on a rug.

      • Emmaleigh504

        gross. Pets can be so disgusting sometimes.

      • textdoc

        I omitted a word — catch *anything that’s um, contained.

    • 1301

      Oof. The closest we have to shag is our bathmat. Hearing that explanation, I may keep it that way. At least when the cat pukes on the bathmat, it’s machine washable.

    • That One Guy

      Do cats have an apologetic/guilty face or expression after puking or is it business as usual (ie plotting their human’s demise)?

      • LittleBluePenguin

        ha! My grey cat has never, and I mean never, thrown up, even though she’s done the whole gagging / coughing/hocking thing – I guess she manages to dislodge whatever the problem is and swallows it back down without actually puking on the carpet. My fluffy cat will usually puke and then go hide in shame. But I’ve known other cats to just puke and act like nothing happened!

        • hiphopanonymous

          With one of my old cats, you could hear the puking/gagging mechanism starting from rooms away. Usuall he was on the rug, but got to the point where he would let us put newspaper under him. Awwe, RIP P.C.!

          • Anonymous

            Same with my former cat, and about half the time, I could get a newspaper in place. Always on the oriental rug, but not difficult to clean up if I don’t get the paper there inside.
            Also, when we sit in the back yard, if he felt the need to puke, he would run to the back door for me to let him in so he can find an oriental rug. I caught on to that pretty quickly and could judge (by the sense of urgency) whether he wanted to go in to find an oriental rug or to use the facilities, and then decide whether to let him in accordingly. He never seemed to realize that he could use the facilities outside. At any rate, I miss him dearly.

          • textdoc

            Actual LOL on reading “Also, when we sit in the back yard, if he felt the need to puke, he would run to the back door for me to let him in so he can find an oriental rug. “

          • Emmaleigh504

            lol that the cat only wanted to puke and use the facilities inside

          • textdoc

            Ehh… if I were a cat, I’d rather use an indoor litterbox than outdoor soil too.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Donna usually makes the awful puking noise but doesn’t actually puke and goes about her business. Last night things came up and she seemed unconcerned and went directly to her food bowl for a second supper. Then she puked again. Later she did sniff the spot where she puked and tried to cover it up by scratching at the rug. So I guess she felt a little guilty.

        • textdoc

          I suspect the scratching at the rug is less a guilt-induced attempt to cover it up than an evolutionary instinct. Apparently a lot of cat behavior is motivated by the fact that in the wild, they were prey as well as predators, so hiding evidence of sickness/vulnerability would benefit them.

  • That One Guy

    Rant: every time I take my car to the dealership for service I question my intelligence. Ha.
    Rave: It’s already Wednesday?

  • LittleBluePenguin

    Rave: In a better mood this morning, though I still feel like I didn’t get enough sleep.
    Not Sure: I think I’ve concluded that I’m not a dating-app person, but I’m contemplating signing up for a dating website, at the behest of my sister-in-law. I still hate the thought of paying for something like that though – as if dating wasn’t expensive enough. Has anyone had positive experiences using dating websites versus apps, paid vs free, etc? I’m just really not sold on the idea yet….
    Rave, maybe? Also, still considering signing up for horseback riding lessons. I need to do more investigation, but the thought of finally being in a place to learn something I’ve wanted to learn all my life (even though I’m a scaredy-cat, too), is very tantalizing…

    • _____Woods

      one of my friends met their partner on match.com and they are likely tying the knot soon…still don’t know if its any better than what you could find for free on an app but might filter out some of the ‘deplorables’

    • textdoc

      LBP, have you already tried OKCupid? It’s a website, not an app, and it’s free. Personally, I’d try that before resorting to something paid like Match or eHarmony.

      • Formerly ParkViewRes

        I second OKCupid. It’s how I indirectly met my wife. I dated a lot on there, had some good dates, some horrible ones, and others where we realized maybe we’d work best as friends. I started hanging out with one pretty regularly and she introduced me to a bunch of people in DC and then one evening she said her friend was coming out to Chief Ike’s (RIP!) and then I saw her *friend* and I said WHO IS THAT?! She said introduced me and the rest is history.

        • textdoc

          “and then I saw her *friend* and I said WHO IS THAT?! She said introduced me and the rest is history.”
          .
          I love this! :)

          • Formerly ParkViewRes

            Haha thanks! Excuse the typo though, didn’t mean to include said in there!

          • SinSA

            Me too!!

      • Cleveland Park runner

        Would also recommend OKCupid. Met my husband on there. It’s similar to dating anywhere–lots of not good matches, some decent ones.

      • Effie

        Thoughts on Bumble??..

    • Blithe

      Love your second Rave! If you’ve really wanted to learn something your whole life, and now you can: Do It! As someone wise — and also good at sales — once said to me: ” You don’t want to be back here in 5 more years saying I THINK I might want to” (learn this). This will be a wonderful gift to yourself, and that will be true even if the best thing about it is making the commitment to yourself to try something that you might enjoy.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        Thanks Blithe – I’m going to call the stables today and see if I can find out more info, see if this would be the right fit… appreciate your encouragement!

    • anon

      i really liked coffee meets bagel. very manageable, and pretty decent pickings.

      • textdoc

        I couldn’t help but LOL (given the experience of certain PoPvillagers on there). ;)
        .
        Glad to know someone recommends it!

      • LittleBluePenguin

        Tried that for a while, and a couple other apps. Struck out. I’m just not a very “app-y” kinda person. I’m also not really a “web” kinda person, I’d much prefer meeting “in the wild,” as they say, but that’s fraught with other kinds of weirdness….Blergh!

        • MadMax

          I prefer your method as well. However, once it became a pretty well accepted method of meeting people I figured why limit my options? You can continue to go hunting in the wild, and then come home to an inbox full of choices should you choose to indulge them. Just be wary that any website will probably flood said inbox with idiotic messages and low-attention-span dudes. You just gotta shrug them off and ignore.

    • MadMax

      I didn’t actually meet my wife on OKC, but after seeing her profile there that’s when I actually decided to ask her on a date, and the rest is history. They do have an app version as well, but the website was far more functional (then again this was 5+ years ago so who knows now). It’s free but there’s also a paid option (pretty cheap compared to Match or eHarmony) that allows you to set way more filters and privacy settings. It used to be like $5 a month or something trivial.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        ah, that’s helpful and good to know, thanks!

    • hiphopanonymous

      I met my husband on eHarmony. I chose that route because I feel that people who decide to pay for the service might be more serious about finding a relationship, as opposed to just hooking up or hanging out. (Again, just my opinion) I really liked the layout of eHarmony, as well. It also matched me with my best guy friend, which I take as a sign that the process works! I signed up for OkCupid as well, but mainly b/c my friends were getting really weird messages and I was curious to see what all was happening.

      • MadMax

        “I chose that route because I feel that people who decide to pay for the service might be more serious about finding a relationship, as opposed to just hooking up or hanging out.”
        LOL, not that you aren’t probably generally correct in that assumption, but the comment reminds me of a former friend of mine who signed up for Match and eHarmony with the goal of meeting people who were there specifically for that reason, and hooking up with them.

        • LittleBluePenguin

          Yikes! Well, more power to him/her then, I guess. I know this is the reasoning I’ve been given (“If you are willing to pay for it, then you’re more likely to meet people of the same mindset”), but I’m also aware that there are people whose intentions are….less serious, let’s say, than they might purport.

          • MadMax

            I can’t recall exactly how he put it, but something along the lines of people go into it with that mentality, and therefore let their guard down more easily. Ultimately everyone is human and it’s hard to resist attraction even if it’s not your intent to become quickly romantic. As I said, former friend.

        • textdoc

          LOL and yikes! Were you formerly friends with the Vicomte de Valmont??

  • SinSA

    Rave: My contractor said that they’d paint the wall with the drywall stuff on it, touch up the paint on the kitchen ceiling and put the shoe molding on and paint (I’ll get the paint, I don’t want them to screw that part up) for free when they come back next week to finish up after my counters are installed.

    Rant: They got paint on the top of my refrigerator! I noticed when I decided to wipe the layers of dust off of the front/sides of it and…I just give up. Luckily the refrigerator is old, and I don’t think anyone is going to be looking up there.

    Rave: I have a weird art idea that I want to do on one of my walls that could be cool (at least, in my mind) but

    Rant: In theory, I have no idea how to make it happen, so I don’t know if I can do it.

    Rant: I still will need to hire ceiling painters for the rest of my ceiling besides the kitchen so everything matches — we’ll see if I can get them to include one wall in the painting project. Do you guys think Lowe’s could paint match a color that I bought at Home Depot years ago if I bring in a swatch? I don’t want to have to go to both places, if I can help it.

    Rave: It’s quiet at work which means I’m getting stuff done!

    • textdoc

      They managed to get paint on the fridge?? Yikes! They just sound plain sloppy.
      .
      I think they should paint your entire ceiling at their cost — not just the kitchen. They screwed up; it’s their responsibility (and cost) to make it right.

      • SinSA

        Yeah, because besides not using tape, they also don’t know how tarps work, apparently. While I agree that it would be kind of them to paint my entire ceiling, based on how they painted already I am not super interested in letting them try to paint anything else in my home — just fix the mess they made.

        I wish that there was another service that IKEA recommended for this job. They’re making it right, but only because I sent photos of the issues, I think. Trying to decide if I should review them, and if so, with who? IKEA? The company that does the cabinet installs (there were no issues with the cabinet installs) – I guess I really just had issues with the demo/remodel part, which is seperate?

        • textdoc

          Can you get them to give you x dollar amount so that you can hire someone competent to paint the rest of the ceiling?
          .
          I really don’t think you should have to pay as a result of their screwing up.

          • SinSA

            How do I ask for that?

          • textdoc

            I’d put the request in writing. Something like: “The mistakes you made in your work mean that I’m going to need my entire ceiling repainted. Frankly, the quality of the work you’ve done so far is not very encouraging, so I’d prefer to get someone else to do the job. I’d like a credit of $____.”
            .
            How much do you still owe them? Could you say you’re going to deduct x amount from what you owe them?

          • SinSA

            I owe them $410 for the demo stuff.
            I feel like in principle, I should ask for money back, but really at this point, I just want them to finish, fix the painting issues and GTFO of my house. I have no idea what happened between the first day when I met the team and they were so nice, and totally communicative with me (and offered to do extra stuff and did it for free) to what happened by the end of the week. I know there were different people in and out of the house, but it is disappointing to be sure.

    • Andie302

      They can match the paint if you have a swatch. What’s the art project? Popville probably has some ideas/experience on how to do it!

      • SinSA

        Re: the art project –
        I moved here from NYC 10 years ago and when I bought my place 7 years ago, I got a bunch of cool touristy type photos of NYC stuff and framed them for my kitchen. The wall they were on is now gone, but I have other walls this stuff can go on.
        I also bought (here) some black metal bookends shaped like both ends of the Brooklyn Bridge and I wondered if I could somehow affix those to the wall (where the other stuff will eventually be), have someone use black paint to draw the rest of the bridge in between the two ends, and I could attach very tiny twinkle lights to the drawing part to make it look lit up at night (sometimes) — additionally, the ends of the bookends have space where I could potentially re-purpose them as candle holders or something?
        Or is that super lame?

        • Andie302

          I love this idea! There’s got to be a way to affix the bookends (which may permanently alter them). The drawing part – that’s a difficult one! Could you somehow project the imagine until the book ends were about the right size, trace it, and then fill it in?

  • Blithe

    Rant: Over the weekend, I noticed excruciatingly awful music in the Metro station, I think at Gallery Place. On the one hand, I’m hoping that it’s some kind of anti-crime deterrent. On the other hand, this could well be the last straw for those of us who have hung in there with Metro even with horrible non-schedules on the weekends. One version of Hell surely is being trapped with other people’s music, waiting for a train that might never come.
    Rant-ish: While waiting for the train, I mentally reviewed everything that I ever learned about Pavlov and conditioning.
    Rant: A long-time neighbor just moved out yesterday. Sigh. I’ll really miss her.
    Rave: The PhoWheels food truck. I got there early-ish to pick up lunch yesterday. “You look Happy.” said the counter guy. Yep. lol Malaysian flatbread tacos do add to the happiness in this world!
    Rave: Just slid down to a smaller pair of jeans.

    • textdoc

      Too true re. hell and other people’s music!

    • skj84

      I heard the music in Gallery Place on Friday. I assumed a street musician was on the platform or something.

    • Emmaleigh504

      They piloted the music program at Gallery Place during the Christmas season with bad Christmas music. I whole-heartedly disapprove of music being piped into metro stations, but they don’t listen to me.

    • roitgn

      If you don’t like the music, please, please write in to Metro to complain about it. It’s still a pilot – this is the time to squash it. (Same with the yelling escalators at Gallery Place.)

      • Emmaleigh504

        What are the yelling escalators?

        • roitgn

          The escalators at the 7th & F entrance to Gallery Place Station have speakers that provide a steady stream of unnecessary commentary: Please watch your step and keep moving upon exiting the escalator. Thank you for riding Metro. Please step to the right and hold the handrail while riding the escalator. Baby strollers, pushcarts, and heavy luggage are not permitted on the escalator. Do not sit on the steps or handrail and avoid stomping on the escalator. Please attend to small children.

          It plays on loop. It drives me insane. Metro is not an airport.

          • Emmaleigh504

            ugh that would be obnoxious to hear every day.

    • Tall E

      I read they are piloting scents too-is there no one at metro who is aware of people who have sensitivity to odors????

      • textdoc

        I was reading about that in yesterday’s RRRR — Metro sounds remarkably clueless in this regard. But I guess that shouldn’t surprise us. :(
        .
        I urge people to contact Metro re. the music and the scent — maybe with enough public objection, they’ll realize they made a mistake.

        • Tall E

          Done!

          • MichelleinMD20721

            Also emailed Metro @ scents nonsense.

    • MadMax

      Those tacos are legit. One of the few really great trucks still rolling around DC.

      • Blithe

        Are you familiar with the Gypsy Queen Cafe food truck in Baltimore? If so, do they make your “really great” list? If not, would you make a trek to Baltimore for the wonderfulness that is a crab cone? PhoWheels IS great. But I would sprint past it in a second to get to a Gypsy Queen Cafe crab cone.

        • MadMax

          Nope, haven’t been to a single truck in Baltimore unfortunately, but I just pulled up some photos and my god that looks great.

  • Smittydc

    Rant: I love the National Park Service, and was glad to see they fixed the grass on the national mall, however they managed to screw up the walk path on both sidesinstead. It’s now a mud pit after even the lightest of rains. I understand the grass being hard, but how did you screw up dirt?

  • Andie302

    Rant: Put a dress on this morning only to realize it had been washed with a sticker and needs some attention before I can wear it again.
    Rave: Feeling a bit better than the last few weeks.
    Facts: Attended a celebration of life this past weekend, got a visit in with my grandmother and despite her advanced dementia she realized what was going on (that she lost a grandson), and am set to attend the service for my half brother next week.
    Rant: My biological father (who just lost his son, but didn’t raise me, my full brother, or the son he just lost) is really not well. His way of grieving appears to be complaining about everything and everyone, and getting angry. On top of all of this, he is asking for help with his estate and I always just assumed we (my other brother and I) would direct him to give everything to my half brother because he needed it much more than we do, but now he has passed away. This is such a weird mess. One thing is clear – he does NOT want a service. This was disclosed during a rant about services in general, who did and didn’t show up for his son (the irony on that one is a lot to unpack for me) and ranting about organized religion in general.
    Rave: Still managing to think through a lot of this and feel better about it – I am feeling resilient, which is a huge improvement.

    • LittleBluePenguin

      oh man, Andie, that sounds really tough! I’m sorry you’re going through all this, and I hope you’re able to not let yourself get too sucked in to other people’s grief and frustrations. You and your family are in my thoughts! Hugs!

    • Blithe

      I applaud your resilience. And your ability to acknowledge your resilience. Sending good thoughts your way…

    • textdoc

      Andie, so sorry for your loss, and also sorry to hear about your biological father’s strange/bad behavior.
      .
      “One thing is clear – he does NOT want a service.” I think you and your brother should feel free to overrule this particular request, if you want. Funerals aren’t really for the person who died — they’re for the people who are left behind, and they can help provide closure.
      .
      I can understand wanting to respect the wishes of the dead person regarding, say, religious funeral vs. non-religious funeral, small funeral vs. big funeral, cremation vs. burial, closed casket vs. open casket, etc., etc…. but I don’t think it’s fair for someone to say, “No, you can’t have a service for me.”

      • Andie302

        You know, I am happy to respect his wishes on this – I just never knew he was harboring such resentment of funerals/religion/grieving before. He said within 24 hours of the death of his son that he thinks everyone should just try to start healing and get back to living life. Not a bad sentiment, but it seemed terribly soon – especially for the mother and sons of the deceased. (Hopefully my father only said it to me and not them…but none of us are known for keeping our mouths shut!)

        • mtpresident

          FWIW, Jewish tradition is to hold the funeral within 3 days–and I think that one of the benefits of that tradition is to help bring closure sooner. There are other mourning practices that reflect different practices for the first 7 days, 30 days, and year–kind of a tapering, in a way, and then a tradition of annual remembrance on the anniversary of death each year. I’ve found comfort in those practices.

        • textdoc

          “I just never knew he was harboring such resentment of funerals/religion/grieving before. He said within 24 hours of the death of his son that he thinks everyone should just try to start healing and get back to living life.”
          .
          Hmm… is he perhaps envious that his son was so well-loved (and he himself perhaps isn’t)? Is he the kind of person who always has to be the center of attention and doesn’t like it when people are focusing on someone else?

          • Andie302

            Neither. Unfortunately there will be only a few people celebrating my half brother. I think he may resent the lack of attention that my brother got in the last few years as his health declined (wife divorced him, sons weren’t around all that much, friends were few and far between). He’s definitely not the center of attention. I think for him this was the end of a very long journey and while no one expected it this soon, he does have some sense of relief. I think he can’t believe that others aren’t feeling the same way immediately. My brother suffered for years with both physical and mental issue that ultimate lead to his death.

          • textdoc

            Ahh, OK. That makes more sense.

  • skj84

    Rant: Found out distressing news about a work colleague yesterday. They were in an accident a few weeks ago, and seemed to be improving. They took a turn this week, and will be taken off life support. While I didn’t really work with this person(she was based in another market), I do work with a few of her team mates. Naturally everyone is devastated. To make matters worse I found this out literally right before I was going on a call. I probably should’ve rescheduled, I did not give my full attention to the person I was speaking to.
    Rave/Rant: I’ve decided I want to finish my degree. I feel like i’m selling myself short and I really should’ve done this years ago. Just overwhelmed on where to start.

    • Andie302

      I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s a strange thing – wondering whether you should grieve for someone, whether you’re feeling too much (or not enough), not know what to do/say…I can commiserate and am sorry to hear about your colleague.

      • skj84

        It really is a strange thing. I’ve had email convos with this person on projects, but thats about it on my actual interaction. I just feel so awful for her family and friends, and a bit spooked. She was in an accident, it wasn’t like she was sick or this was expected. I know that’s life, but its so unfair.

        • Andie302

          +1000 to all of this

    • kanon

      I’m so sorry about your colleague, but I’m really happy to hear that you want to finish your degree! That’s awesome. I think the first place to start is to determine what you want to study, and how many credits you have towards that degree (and if the credits are still good). Then start looking into programs. But you should also be thinking about what kind of educational experience you want to have…full-time, part-time, in person, at night, on-line, combo, etc.., considering your financial situation, and desired time frame. Good luck!

  • Tall E

    Rave: off the grid vacation starts tomorrow! Can’t wait for the news blackout.
    Rant: it’ll still likely be wet when we start out.
    Rave 2: realized that I’m dealing with less cat puke since I added a hairball remedy to one cat’s food. The two cats are getting along better too so less worried about being away from them.

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: Have cleared a bunch of things off my agenda already today.
    Rant: 4 AM is not playtime, Magnolia!!

    • Quotia Zelda

      Additional Rave: Wearing a new dress today, and I really like it.

  • Anonamom

    Rant: Very rough couple of days. The Manchester bombing really hit me hard. I used to work the other side of Victoria Station from the MEN, lived less than half a mile from where the bomber lived, and still have many, many friends in Manchester. I moved there when they were still rebuilding from the IRA bomb, and I can’t tell you the number of emergency drills and bomb drill we had, but a suicide bomber? There’s no preparing for that. So many kids killed – it’s just heart breaking. To add to this, I logged on FB first thing after waking up and finding out it was a suicide bomber, a ‘friend’ posting along the lines of “what happened was tragic, but can we get back to healthcare?” Seriously. Let people fucking process and grieve. Nothing like getting passive judgment from an asshole at 7am, and then getting active judgment when I attempted to vent from another friend.

    • LittleBluePenguin

      Ugh. I feel you on your rant. I thought of you and was hoping none of your Mancunian friends/family were hurt. Two of my friends out there are social workers, working with placing kids in foster care or permanent adoptive families. One works in Manchester several days a week, helping care for the kids in that community. They are both still trying to process wtf happened.

    • mtpresident

      I’m sorry, that just sucks. And really, someone berated you directly despite your ties to the area? Other than the general sense of loss and grieving that comes with tragedies like these–even when you’re not connected–to suggest that a person shouldn’t care about something that hits home because of personal connections is just callous.

  • anon for this

    Long Rant: I’m generally not a prideful person nor do I spend time caring too much about others’ opinions of me; however, both of those ugly heads are rearing now that I’m seriously considering moving back home to TX. I’m from a small town in NE TX and there are many motivations in moving from DC to Dallas, but most of it (for me; my partner has additional reasons) is to be closer to my parents and it’s the only town that makes sense for our jobs (we would love to make Austin work, but can’t right now). I want to take advantage of this time with them – dad is semi-retired and mom is nearing retirement – to go camping, random weekend trips, bike tours, etc. It’s impossible to plan and logistically make things like this work when I’m 1500 miles away and still want to spend time in my city and with my partner.
    .
    And I think kids from small towns who manage to escape the gravitational pull are more likely to have this extreme avoidance of anything resembling “moving home” because we feel it makes us seem weak or unsuccessful or that we couldn’t make it or that we’re getting sucked back into the place we spent years of blood, sweat, and tears to break through and escape. And that’s how I feel others will see me. The idea of saying “I live in Dallas” makes me cringe because what I want to say is “I live in Dallas but only because xyz and I moved back here after living in DC for a few years and oh yeah I’ve moved across the country knowing no one multiple times and it was awesome and I’m still me and the same independent and headstrong person I’ve been!!” I guess at the root of it, I am proud that I’ve done the things in my life that I have, and I feel like moving to Dallas negates those things and makes me average and just like the others from my town who think escaping is moving to Dallas.
    .
    This whole rant and revelation has taken me a long time to get out in one place. It feels good to write it down. But it feels crappy to realize that I’m this prideful and I care this much about what people think of me in this sense. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for allowing me to vent.
    .
    TL; DR: A 20-something realizing they’re a neurotic, narcissistic, prideful jerk.

    • Formerly ParkViewRes

      I mean you’re moving back home to spend time with your parents. I don’t think that’s narcissistic. You left, experienced a different city, and now you’re considering moving back. It’s a lot more than many people even think of doing. I think a lot of people move away, but then after awhile they realize it’s hard to be away from family. I do think you’re over thinking it a bit. Do you think people are going to hear you moved back and everyone in town will be whispering: “Oh, did you hear X moved back? Haha, they always come back.” I feel like that happens in movies, but not IRL.

      • textdoc

        +1 to “I feel like that happens in movies, but not IRL.”
        .
        Also ditto to Bizzinger’s comment that people think about us far less than we think they do. And there was something I saw recently — maybe in a list of “10 Things to Preserve Your Happiness” or something like that? — along the lines of “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
        .
        So… most people don’t care, those that do don’t care all that much, and for the few people who do care at any level… the hell with what they think.

        • anon for this

          I agree that people don’t care as much as I’ve made them out to in my mind. TBH, that is probably my own projection onto people. Me trying not to care and making it about someone else.

    • bizzinger

      We’re neurotic, narcissistic, prideful jerks in one way or another, it’s just a matter of self-awareness. And as someone from NE TX as well, I know how you feel. Two thoughts: 1) Dallas is a big city, and it’s not like you’re moving back home to Mule Shoe in defeat. You’re moving as a part of your life, not in defeat by life. 2) People think about us far less than we think they do.

      Good luck!

      • dcd

        +1. And, not that it should matter if you were, but you’re NOT moving back to your small home town. You’re moving to Dallas, an enormous city. I can’t conceive why anyone should view that as being beaten by the world, and neither should you. FWIW, I grew up roughly equidistant from Philadelphia and NYC, and if I moved to either one of them for professional or personal reasons, I wouldn’t perceive it as a lack of success. I think you’re being way to hard on yourself – give yourself a break.

    • mtpresident

      Try not to be too hard on yourself. Childhood opinions/impressions/etc are incredibly hard to shake and transitions are hard even if you are actively choosing them and (mostly) comfortable with that choice. Gaining the rest of that comfort will come with time, and the fact that you realize what’s going on is huge. Just keep being yourself and your independence, etc will come through. After all, it would be truly ridiculous (and the opposite of independent) to refuse to move back because of optics even though you otherwise want the benefits that you’re getting from the move. You’re doing what’s right for you and the rest will fall into place.

    • anon

      I get the idea that moving back to where you came from can feel like a failure. I don’t want to live by family, unfortunately, but I do the get the failure feeling – but the thing you need to realize is that deeming this in anyway failure comes from inside you – your ideas – and not from anyone else. It is you you are arguing with – no one else really cares. Not people by your home – some may find you an interesting friend, who both came from there and has had interesting experiences elsewhere; not your friends from here or elsewhere, who may miss you, but understand that the draw to be near your parents was strong. That’s a good thing to have – a family you want to be around.
      .
      So, just move. Let yourself off the hook. And, from the vantage of one who is older that you and spent my entire adult life living in big cities where housing and other things were much more expensive than elsewhere, while paying for decades on student loans (from my choosing to be educated, twice, at expensive private universities in expensive big cities), and as a result has little savings to show (a scary prospect at this point, which is why I think about moving to cheaper places, including where I came from but don’t really want to go back to), you will certainly soon, and definitely later in life, reap the benefits of not only having been able to spend time with family you love over the years, but also the economic benefit of having moved from this expensive area.

      • Jay

        “no one else really cares”

        This. So much this. If people* do care, they really must not have much else to care about and deserve pity more than any other consideration. The fact that you have a choice of where you’d like to be shows that you’ve reached a level of success that maybe some others in the small towns never did.

        * Well, your parents might care, but they’re an exception and I’m sure they would be delighted to have you around.

    • That One Guy

      Why be apologetic about living life to your own standards and not others?

      • womp

        FWIW, I wasn’t and am not apologetic. My life is by my standards, but I’m trying to come to terms with the baggage my standards have.

    • anonymous

      Life is short. I get the wanting to be near the parents while they are healthy, etc. You’re being much too hard on yourself. On the flip side, there are people like me, who have lived here more years than I care to mention, and cannot bring themselves to go home due to X, Y, and Z reasons. I hope I don’t regret the years I’m spending here while I’m not around my parents- I really do. I don’t see failure in staying or going- you gotta do what you want to do, and to hell with what you THINK others think. Also, Dallas, I’ve heard, is a pretty cool place. One of my aunts moved there a long time ago, developed a Texas accent, and swears the best Mexican food is to be had there.

    • kanon

      I moved home to my small town and moved in with my parents in my early 30s for a brief period. I was a little self-conscious about it for a while…but ultimately it was wonderful. I got to know my parents on a different level, and my father got diagnosed with cancer while I was there, so I was able to be there and support both of them during that process. And while my hometown is pretty awesome (small college town), I was really able to appreciate it more than I already did, and I actually enjoyed running in to neighbors and the parents of my childhood friends here and there. I don’t regret one minute of it.

    • ShawThroughtheHeart

      Keep in mind too, this is a very East Coast centric-view. You’re moving to a city with a larger population (both city and metropolitan) area, with a bigger economy, and likely a more diversified one too. So just because it’s near where you grew up, doesn’t mean you’re the same as those who didn’t expand their horizons in the very specific ways we tend to consider as DC urbanites.

    • anon for this

      thank you all for the words of wisdom and the advice to just chill. It’s funny when I thought I had discovered all of my personal baggage that I have a “BUT WAIT; THERE’S MORE!” moment. Current task: to quit projecting on other people and be easier on myself.

      • anon

        It seems to me that you should do some thinking about why you’d be a failure if you moved back home – you need to spend some time with your head on that question. For me, I think it comes from a sense of superiority one has developed that says you are better because you left. You probably do consider the version of you who left better than the version of you that would exist had you not. And it is probably true in a lot of ways, as you got exposed to way more stuff than if you stayed home. There may be some ways in which this version of you is worse, i.e., deciding that you are superior because you left and developed a different version of you – gotten a bit snobby about it, maybe. And now you are confronting your own snobbery, not that of anyone else. And lest this seem harsh, know that when I say “you” I am thinking “I” – if not applicable to your situation, ignore.

        • anon for this

          you 100% hit the nail on the head with “deciding that you are superior because you left and developed a different version of you – gotten a bit snobby about it, maybe. And now you are confronting your own snobbery, not that of anyone else.” You put it so concisely and I do not take it harshly because it’s the truth. I’ve been muddling through my thoughts and feelings and so when I try to pinpoint and explain it all, it comes out jumbled and mushy.
          .
          I guess I finally realized that I developed this superiority complex about success and getting out of my small town, and it kind of sucks. You know, we (or maybe just I) think we’re “good” people, and then something happens when we realize “oh, hey. i’ve got some shit to deal with…..where did THAT come from?” I’m not sure if this situation falls into the territory of unconscious bias, but I think it’s somewhat similar.
          .
          I appreciate your insightful comment.

  • LedroitTigah

    Any recos for a carpenter? Instead of replacing my old front door, Id instead like to get a carpenter to refinish it.

    I’m also in the market for a new fridge. I think I like the fancy French door ones, without the water dispenser, and always lean towards buying it at Sears… but could be convinced to try another venue, if the price is right.

    • textdoc

      I too would be interested in any carpenter recommendations.

      • MadMax

        Not a specific rec, but I always check CheckBook for that kind of thing as a cross reference. It’s a great resource for trade skill and I’ve found much more reliable than Angie’s List or Home Adviser.

        • textdoc

          This is the same Consumer Checkbook that HaileUnlikely recommends, right?

          • MadMax

            Yep, very cheap yearly subscription is easily worth it.

    • textdoc
      • MadMax

        AJM is great. Note that for some specific high end brands they cannot ship outside the NY/NJ area, but there are only a handful of those to worry about. (Wolf/SubZero being one of them) In this area, ABW is a great option and can give you comparable pricing, and they have some nice big showrooms in Arlington and Silver Spring. For anyone looking for something super budget friendly check the Sears Outlet website. They sell all the floor models through there, some with dents and dings, but many in basically brand new condition, and you can also negotiate prices even lower. We typically use them when replacing pieces for our rental units and have never had an issue.

        • dcd

          +1 on both AJM and ABW (though we went to the large showroom in Rockville). June one tip – when you look for AJM, remember to include the J. Google searches for A Madison lead down a very different road.

          • LedroitTigah

            haha!

          • MadMax

            Maybe Rockville is where I went too (I used to judge cooking competitions there). That whole area just kinda blends in to me…

        • MadMax

          It’s also very important to remember that most of the luxury appliance manufacturers will use UMRP in order to ensure that people across regions receive the same pricing. So although you might receive slight discounts of 5-15% from various retailers on these brands you won’t see huge drops like you do on big commercial brands like Samsung, GE, etc. Here’s a good post explaining somewhat how it works (this is a great blog for appliances in general btw):
          https://blog.yaleappliance.com/how-much-do-luxury-appliances-cost-in-boston

      • LedroitTigah

        Thank you!!!!

    • jim_ed

      Carpenter – A good friend of mine does finish carpentry/millwork here in town under the name Re: Klaim Industriale. reklaimindustrial dot com to check his stuff. He does really terrific work.

      for appliances – Sears is good. If you don’t mind haggling and shopping hard, the Bray and Scarff outlet in Laurel can yield some terrific deals on high end appliances.

  • MadMax

    Rave: Finally got to check out Archipelago recently and it was great. I still miss Hogo’s absence, so great having another tiki bar open and have it be so good. If only it were closer…

    • Bobert

      Hogo is doing a pop-up at the Passenger soon!

      • MadMax

        I just read that on WCP, super stoked!

  • hiphopanonymous

    Rant: Staff meetings. We never accomplish what is set out to be accomplished because certain people will never make decisions. Drives me CRAZY.
    Rant: In the process of trying to project our department schedule on the screen, I had to open it through my personal e-mail account…so if anyone was looking, they saw the e-mail from my Victoria’s Secret card. Oops.
    Rant: Couches from Wayfair have still not arrived.
    Rave: In their stead, we still have the air mattress on the floor. It’s actually kinda’ fun to just lay around together – especially b/c we usually sit on opposite couches!
    Rave: Work bowling outing tonight at Pinstripes!

  • textdoc

    Late-in-the-day rants/raves:
    .
    Rant: Headache (migraine?) seems to be coming back (and with a vengeance). I thought the medicine I took this morning had vanquished it.
    .
    Rant/rave: Feline alarm clock/snooze button. I would’ve preferred if my cat hadn’t come to wake me up a good 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off… but on the other hand, a cat is like a foolproof snooze button. Apparently I turned my actual alarm off, but the cat eventually got me out of bed.
    .
    Rant: So cold in office. The beds of my fingernails are turning blue.
    .
    Rave: I am in a reasonably good mood.

    • MadMax

      LOL, they definitely get time trained. Since our boys aren’t allowed in the bedroom (thanks a screen door I installed), because of my allergies, they sit outside the door and howl for me to wake up and come feed them at appx 7:30 every morning. If I even flinch in the hour or so before that they hear it and start earlier.

      • textdoc

        I don’t mind so much if Textcat wakes me up half an hour before my alarm goes off. But sometimes she goes for 1.5 hours before, or 5 hours before — not cool! On those occasions, if I’m awake enough, I’ll scoop her up and shut her in the guest bathroom.
        .
        I don’t even feed her in the mornings — something I decided on purpose, thinking that that way she wouldn’t wake me up in the mornings! (She has dry food available at all times. I give her wet food in the evenings, and also late morning/afternoon/etc. when I’m working from home.)

  • bruno

    Rant: Another jury summons. Every two years or so, like clockwork. Only thing I hate about living in DC. Torture. Just when you start to make plans, bam, a summons.

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