What the hell is that noise?

In the Summer, I like to leave my window open to hear the crickets chirping and enjoy the Summer breeze. Well on this nice evening at about midnight I hear a zipping sound that just wouldn’t stop. It was like zzip, zzip, zzip incessently for about 5 minutes. So of course I scream out my window “shut the hell up!”. I am from New York originally so I’ve retained some boorish behavior. Anyway, suffice it to say the noise doesn’t stop. As I have an early flight the next morning I’m getting pretty pissed. So I go downstairs with my trusty New York Yankees souvenir baseball bat to investigate. Well, I open my back door and turn on the flood light and it was like seeing a deer caught in headlights.

By the by I do not recommend doing what I did. Well, that noise was a guy with a hacksaw trying to steal my neighbors bike. I stand about two feet away with the bat cocked and scream what the hell are you doing? Oh, I should mention I’m not very intimidating, I’m about 5’6″ on a good day and 135 pounds dripping wet. Anyway, this guy was probably 6 foot easy although he was crouching at that point and I couldn’t tell.

So this guy says “no, no, it’s my sister’s bike”. Ha! Beautiful well I scream you better get the fuck out of here. At this point he stands up and I realize confronting him may not have been the smartest of ideas. Well, I was a little drunk and had major liquid muscles going and I continue to tell him to get the fuck out of here. Then he says hold on hold on, let me just call my sister. Then he starts yelling Julie, Julie or something like that and bolts like the wind.

This guy could of crushed me like a bug but I was rewarded the next day when one of the longtime residents said I did the right thing by looking out. I don’t know about that but the bicycle was saved!