What happened to me?

I used to be cool. I used to hit the bars every other night. I once held a record among my friends for going out three months in a row. 3 months! Now I follow open houses like I used to follow the Yankees. I get excited when I read that a grocery store may open up near my house. What happened? My friend got a new washer/dryer and I was legitimately excited. I even had envy. I wanted a new washer/dryer. A washer/dryer for the love of God. Embarrassing. Truly embarrassing.

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