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“Arguably one of the creepiest/weirdest Craigslist room ads I have ever seen.”

by Prince Of Petworth February 9, 2017 at 3:45 pm 125 Comments

uh

On the other hand, it’s only $250 a month…thanks to a reader for sending.

From Craigslist:

“It isn’t meant to sound sexual, but i mean for someone to lay in the same bed. Definitely would prefer a woman haha.

Anyway, I’m Scott. Looking for a possible tenant and friend.
Mentally sane, friendly, and composed is how i would describe myself , but during the fall/winter I can be a bit down, but that’s nothing to worry about, i act the same either way.
But what i’m offering is my room , and slight utility use if you’re just going to sleep here, and then leave the next morning. But will clearly change upon the dynamic .

Meaning you get free internet, free fridge use(but please ask if you want to use someone else’s food/drink), free outlets at reasonable use, backyard space, kitchen use, bathroom use, and some closet storage space, and a side on my queen size bed.

Yes, we will be sharing a bed.

I’m sorry guys but I already sold my last spot for men . Will update this if they leave though. (Yes, that means the floor in my living room is occupied) (Also please stop asking to reciprocate rent with sexual favors, come on guys.)

Be aware that I smoke weed , work with dogs(i sweep my own floors often enough), and do invite my friends over for small (1 or 3 people) get togethers . (If you are non-social often, i’ll accommodate to you and only talk to them downstairs)

I’m pretty active at night, and love to take jogs. I’m also always drinking water, so if you want someone with body positivity, but won’t shove it down your throat, then we’ll get along great.

Walking distance from union, mt Vernon, gallery place china town , and noma, so if you need metro, i’m conveniently close to all three.

Or if you want to be walking distance from Howard uni, and UDC. (20min walk to either)

Please be respectful, considerate, and aware of the fact I’m offering free resources. But you are also going to need to be emotionally or mentally available and open , since we’re sharing a space. And the last thing I want right now is stress.

Please no hard drugs.
I do weed, and drink socially, but nothing else.
Please be respectful of the other people who live in this home. Thank you.
If things get more involved, and we get more comfortable with eachother , there can easily be more benefits.
I’m also offering breakfast/lunch/brunch/dinner dates possibly, trips to bars together, and all-around companionship . Anything else, we can clearly talk about before you live with me. (rent possibly can be reduced)( I’m also straight. )

We can meet up beforehand, but please text me as a heads up. (Calling is acceptable after a good greeting, your name, your situation.)

If you can pay for 2 months rent upfront, the 2nd months rent is clearly a type of security deposit meaning that if you break/lose/injure anything within the home your 2nd months rent will be your security deposit and you’ll have to pay for your next month’s rent the following month. But if you don’t break anything , it’ll just be your next month’s rent you’ll already have paid in full. You’ll get a receipt based on the damages.

But don’t worry, it’s all love here. You will love it here ! And for 250? No cleaning fees? And only paying 500$ for 2 months? sheesh, call it a steal.
Texting for the open house dates and meet n greets are always welcome !~

Also ! Please have good vibes. I can not stress this enough. If you’re not ready to be calm and decent enough to respect me or the house rules, please don’t reach out. Thanks guys .”

  • transplanted

    “If things get more involved, and we get more comfortable with eachother , there can easily be more benefits.
    I’m also offering breakfast/lunch/brunch/dinner dates possibly, trips to bars together, and all-around companionship . Anything else, we can clearly talk about before you live with me. (rent possibly can be reduced)( I’m also straight. )”
    .
    Worst singles ad ever.

    • KPS

      I would TOTALLY go for this, but all that water-drinking sounds like a huge turnoff!!

      j/k

      • Margrave of Mt Vernon

        Scott seems like the kind of person who eats Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza.

        • artemis

          Well played.

        • MellieP

          Well done.

  • Pleasanter

    So this person is looking for a tenant to become a friend with benefits? Very strange.

  • Truxton Thomas

    “If you can pay for 2 months rent upfront, the 2nd months rent is clearly a type of security deposit meaning that if you break/lose/injure anything within the home your 2nd months rent will be your security deposit and you’ll have to pay for your next month’s rent the following month. But if you don’t break anything , it’ll just be your next month’s rent you’ll already have paid in full. You’ll get a receipt based on the damages.”

    Sounds legit.

  • DupontDweller

    Scott added a classy picture of *assuming* himself sipping red wine on the Craigslist post, if anyone’s interested

    • petworth

      Also, why is the kitchen carpeted?

  • jim_ed

    This is just the natural evolution of the sharing economy to the flophouse economy.

  • petworth

    Is this for real? I’ve been laughing at an inappropriate volume for several minutes now.

  • anon

    “Be aware that I smoke weed.”
    .
    Oh, we knew.

    • PJL

      Shoot! The last spot for men is spoken for!? And primo location on the floor, too. I’ll be checking the post for updates when that dude leaves.

      • PJL

        oops, didn’t mean to reply!

      • DCbyDay

        doubtful that will become available anytime soon, seems like a hot commodity!

    • Elvis’s Mom

      Aaaand the seltzer came out of my nose.

    • Annon MPD (2)

      +100000 you win today. Haha.

    • EPinDC

      LOLing…

  • anonymous

    conveniently available the day before Valentine’s Day too…

  • LE in VA

    “Someone to lay in the same bed.” So he is looking for a chicken?

    • c

      GRAMMAR! +1bajillion

    • dcgator

      LOLLing. Thanks

  • PetlessInPetworth

    $250/month seems like a lot when you’re already agreeing to be someone’s paid girlfriend. Should they be paying you…?

  • dcd

    Not that this is, by any stretch of the imagination, the strangest thing about this ad, but, “Please be respectful, considerate, and aware of the fact I’m offering free resources.”.
    .
    Perhaps Scott could also use a dictionary, because $250 per month is not free.

    • Tsar of Truxton

      The resources are the internet, reasonable outlet usage, fridge usage(!), etc. The $250 is for rent. Duh. All those free resources seem like a steal to me!

  • gotryit

    I agree – that’s ridiculous. There are TWO radiators in the room. WTF?

  • c

    sounds like a good deal if you never want to be heard from again.

    • Kps

      LOL I came back to the thread for comments like this!

    • Amanda

      I laughed too loud at work reading this. Thank you thank you for this!

  • CoHi

    Hahahaha oh man, THANK YOU for the much needed Thursday afternoon laugh.

  • Jive Cleavon

    Just a suggestion to Scott. Let’s not post that first draft of the ad. Take a few more swipes at it. You should aim for something with less of a serial killer vibe.

    • LittleBluePenguin

      I’m silent-laughing so hard that tears are coming out of my eyes! oh my god what is even happening with this add?!?!

  • lizcolleena

    “Please be respectful, considerate, and aware of the fact I’m offering free resources.” … no, you’re not.

    • PetworthDud

      whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, he is offering FREE OUTLETS AT A REASONABLE USE! If that’s not a bargain, I don’t know what is.

      • Elvis’s Mom

        Right? I am all about that lamp plugging in stuff, sign me up.

        • textdoc

          Actual LOL.

      • IDontGetIt

        That was a deal breaker for me. I go crazy with outlet usage.

      • Kps

        I’m here for these comments!

  • Andrei Sinioukov

    I was sold at the “free outlets at reasonable use.” He is right, it is a steal.

  • anon

    So, who’ll be in charge of putting the lotion in the basket?

    • PetworthGuy

      +10000

    • Rachel

      This just MADE my week. I’m still laughing at my desk anon!

    • CR

      Yes, bravo on this comment my friend. You should get an award for this.

    • hliz1001

      There is a photo of lotions in a basket so you know this is happening.

    • Jamie B Willey

      Lol lol!

  • L.

    Eh, these kind of creepy ads have been on Craigslist for years. Dude can pay for a girlfriend, but that costs a LOT more than $250 a month.

  • PJL

    Shoot! The last spot for men is spoken for!? And primo location on the floor, too. I’ll be checking the post for updates when that dude leaves.

    Also, thank goodness you’re allowed to use the bathroom…and the outlets “reasonably.”

  • sdaisy

    Where are you supposed to keep your stuff? I’m pretty sure someone with 0 possessions also does not have $250/mo to spend on rent.

    • PJL

      He’s giving you “some closet storage space!” Duh.

    • DCbyDay

      and the backyard!

  • Survivor77

    Of course there is no cleaning fees – the house is a mess! No one cleans anyways!

    • Hill Denizen

      Oh but he sweeps regularly…..the carpet.

  • pleasantplains

    “I’m also always drinking water, so if you want someone with body positivity, but won’t shove it down your throat, then we’ll get along great.”

    For some reason, this is the weirdest part of the whole thing to me. Can anyone help translate??

    • PetworthDud

      yeah I could not figure out wtf that meant … I tried a bunch of different ways to interpret it and went back to the number of times weed came out in the ad :)

    • Formerly ParkViewRes

      Lead by action–drinking water instead of drinking coke and then telling you to drink water? LOL, basically he is healthy, but he won’t shove it in your face? My take on it.

  • Joshua

    But are there vessel sinks?

  • DCkathleen

    Don’t worry about the body sized styrofoam coolers stacked in the living room…But also don’t look inside.

  • Anon

    I know this is just fun and games, but you guys do realize that you’re openly mocking someone with far less resources (money, education, social support, etc) than are available to the folks here? This seems like a genuine, albeit highly misguided, way to try to make ends meet. At some point the mockery seems downright cruel.

    • M

      Yeah, I actually feel kind of bad for him.

    • Sos

      We’re cruel? This guy sounds like he would lock me in his basement if I tried to leave his house.

    • skj84

      Dude posted an ad that made him sound like a straight up serial killer. Like did you read the ad? This isn’t mocking someone for having less resources, this is laughing at a creepy AF way to advertise your space.

      • LittleBluePenguin

        +1. Look, I can still feel sorry for this guy and also feel suuuppper weirded out by the vibe of this ad.

      • Anon

        I’m not disagreeing that the post is all sorts problematic. But I genuinely don’t think this person realizes as much. I hope that he doesn’t see this thread – I can’t imagine it would help him get a new perspective on life.

    • melissa2

      Pointing out its crazy that some creepy dude wants a woman to pay to sleep in his bed is cruel?

      And his offer for lesser rent down the road for the lady? He wants a live-in prostitute of sorts. I’ve been poor enough to rent out rooms and had a homeless friend crash on my couch for a bit. None of these crossed the lines into “if we sleep together I’ll cut your rent”.

    • Cam

      No, too much thought went into it — weird thoughts and details. The guy may not have much sense, or money, but it’s insulting and scary to me as a woman that he thinks his proposed arrangement might be a steal of a deal. I read his free “resources” as being his sexual companionship, except it’s not free (even if not explicitly included in the rent). Some of it’s sad, some funny, but mostly hugely distributing.

      • Cam

        Disturbing

      • Anon

        I don’t think that mocking “crazy” is all too helpful for anybody involved.

    • PetworthDud

      Actually my bigger concern is that this is a guy taking advantage of people with far fewer resources than we (or he) has. It’s not clear if he’s the LL or a tenant who is overlording this place, but either way he’s definitely in a position of power over people who are desperate enough to pay a stranger money to sleep on the living room floor. He’s “offering” to take his “roommate” out on dates and clearly controls the utilities, so I think he’s figured out how to make a bizarre living situation profitable based on a pretty transparently abnormal threshold of creature discomfort.

      • Hill Denizen

        Seriously. If he was looking to make ends meet, he’d add a bed to his room or even an air mattress. There are probably people who would pay $250 for a place to sleep in the city without all the other creepiness.

      • eggs

        This is EXACTLY what I was thinking.

      • textdoc

        +1.

      • Mariamarta Lee

        It sounds like a potencially abusive situation. Blurred boundaries.

    • Renee

      The vibe I got is that he owns this house/apt so what are you talking about? He seems to be trying to make $$$ on very single inch of space and get a free girlfriend, in fact a paying girlfriend, out of it as well. Creepy and Cheap…why is this dude still single? Of course, he could be married and his wife lives in the basement in a locked room…

    • U neighbor

      Nice try, Scott.

      • Anon

        If you genuinely think that was Scott, you seriously need to work on your critical reading comprehension. Scott commented below, if you’re curious. He seems to relish the attention.

  • melissa2

    This sounds like the worst party house ever. Gross that you can’t even sit on the couch because he’s renting it out. You just get half of his unmade, full-size bed? And you have to pay multiple months of rent as a deposit for that?

    • Anonanonanonanon

      Ahem…it’s a QUEEN sized bed.

  • KG

    That monitor, tho… WTF

    • Anon

      Yes. I was all giggle and laughs and then I saw that—like seriously wtf is that possibly for?? That actually scared me.

      • CS

        It looks to me like a reader for the visually impaired – my grandmother had one just like it. You place reading material on the bottom, and it’s magnified up on the screen. Nothing to be afraid of (unless you are worried that you are losing your vision rapidly).

  • SaraEP

    With the dating prospects in this city, I may consider responding. sigh

    (kidding)

    • dcgator

      Nice!

  • IDontGetIt

    How much to rent the space in the cage? Asking for a friend.

    • anon

      that’s the gimps cage

    • DCbyDay

      you cannot image how loud I just laughed.

    • Renee

      I just hurt myself laughing.

  • IDontGetIt

    Wait is that a Hammond table organ in pic#9?

  • Mount Prez

    Between him saying there is a guy sleeping on the living room floor, him not mentioning owning a pet, and the living room floor being taken up by a large cage, I can’t help but wonder if a person is sleeping in that cage.

  • CapitolHillHipHopHooray

    Filed under “What the Helen of Troy is this?”

    And I’m down for the count…

  • Renee

    Nice of him to post a picture of a door, so there is way to get out. You just have to have a special key that is on a chain around his neck..

  • Annon MPD(2)

    God, all I am picturing is the call to MPD by his other roommates and the absurd situation the other people living in there would have to deal with. I want to laugh but I also want to cry.

  • Anon

    Someone please go to that open house and report back. There’s just so much going on here

    • Idontgetit

      Yes! Please someone go undercover with a camera and give us a report.

    • Molly & Michael Smith

      Yes!!!!! OMG!!!!I would so do it!! But I live in MISSOURI!!!! DAM!!!!

  • ScottyStealYoCow

    Hellloooooo lovely people ~ Thanks for the publicity !
    This might sound crazy but I really appreciate the shout out to my ad and the free publicity. Might’ve threw me off with the creepy aspect, (considering the blogger knows nothing about me or how craigslist works ~ BUT I DIGRESS)
    I’m really happy and grateful ! BTW PLEASE KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING, I’ve been laughing my ass off at each one of your comments. And also oddly enough people have reached out over this. You guys are the best -Scott

    • PetworthGuy

      troll – not the true Scott. Unless you mastered the english language/grammar overnight, this cannot possibly be the same person who wrote the craigslist ad. nice try.

      • Anon

        You’re wrong. That was actual Scott.

        • PetworthGuy

          wow – my mistake! Glad to see he is taking it well and not as insults. All the best and good luck Scott.

  • E.

    Oh my…. Scott here is my neighbor. He’s no slum lord. His mother is the home owner, long time resident, and collecter of stuff. Crate is for his dog sitting venture. Definitely not a serial killer, but this is obviously misguided. At best.

    • PetworthDud

      does his mother live there as well??

      • E.

        Yup. She’s been here since the 80s or 90s. I hope she sees neither this nor the original ad!

    • Renee

      Dog sitting venture? Dog sitting means you take care of the dog for others, not keep him in a crate. I would not trust this ‘person’ with any dog nor person for that matter.

      • prgkmr

        I mean you could still crate at times when you leave the hosue for instance…

      • Dog owner

        It may not necessarily be his crate. People boarding their dog overnight may bring their own crate to a sitter so it can sleep comfortably.

  • wpk_dc

    He’s upfront with what he’s looking for. I like that. And hope he finds someone that fits.

  • Anonymouse

    Doesn’t this violate D.C.’s occupancy restrictions?

    “At least 70 square feet is required for each room used for sleeping by one tenant over 1 year old. For rooms used by 2 or more tenants for sleeping, there must be at least 50 square feet for each tenant. Under the D.C. Human Rights Act (not the Housing Code), it may be considered unlawful discrimination if a landlord tries to evict a family with children in order to limit the number of tenants living in the apartment. For purposes of the Human Rights Act, in general up to 2 persons are allowed in an efficiency, 3 persons in a one bedroom, 5 persons in a two bedroom, and 7 persons in a three bedroom.”

  • Hmmm

    Regarding the sleeping situation: Are you big spoon or little spoon?

  • HumaneFoodie

    WTF… I come home from a work trip only to find a guy in a cage in my living room and my side of of the bed up for rent. Oh, and my mother-in-law in the basement.

  • textdoc

    Aside from the basic weirdness of this whole proposition (this guy wants a paying girlfriend???)… that house looks awfully cluttered.
    .
    I’m kind of surprised the “lead” photo is of a living room that’s obviously being used as a bedroom. Does the house actually have any legit common areas, or has this guy monetized every last bit of space?
    .
    I’m assuming the bedroom/bed to be shared is an upstairs bedroom… but it’s almost impossible to tell from the two photos what the room actually looks like. (Except that it’s cluttered.)

  • textdoc

    And what’s up with “But what i’m offering is my room , and slight utility use if you’re just going to sleep here, and then leave the next morning”?
    .
    Is he thinking this is like a homeless shelter, where you’re not allowed in during the day?? Do you pay $250/month for the homeless-shelter arrangement, and an additional amount if you actually want to, you know, live and hang out there??
    .
    Weird, weird, weird.

  • textdoc

    I thought someone had posted saying they’d looked this house up and it was a 3-bedroom, 1-bathroom (though now I don’t see the post).
    .
    How many people are sharing that one bathroom??
    .
    The Craigslist ad claims “private bath.” I don’t think the poster understands what “private bath” means — maybe he thinks it’s private as long as no one else is in the bathroom with you at the same time??

  • Zzz

    I responded to his ad out of pure curiousity.

    “Hi Scott,

    I saw your posting on Popville and it made me laugh and also feel bad. I’m sure you are getting a lot of emails.

    My feeling is that finding a tenant to share
    your bed will be difficult, but what do I know.

    If you want some advice on living in DC on a limited budget and/or dating, please let me know and I will be happy to meet you for coffee (my treat) and share my experiences.”

    I am a small white female but have plenty of 250 lb+ male friends and dogs who will accompany me if he responds. Will keep Popville updated…

    • Anonacostia

      Your race is definitely irrelevant to your disclaimer

    • Francis Begbie

      I feel your email outreach is pretty creepy too. Laugh at him. Mock him online if you like. But offering to meet and mentor him, while vaguely threatening that you’ll bring your so-called hard mates along as back up? Let the man be.

    • P

      Why do you think he would want your pity, your company or your advice? I certainly wouldn’t, especially after you posted your creepy outreach on the internet to score some sort of weird points for “kindness” while still threatening with goons and dogs.

  • Heathet

    There is no way in Hell that is a queen size bed.

  • Mariamarta Lee

    It’s creepy but maybe unintentionally so. The moral of this story is don’t write ads on Craigslist when you’re high AF. You’ll get confused.

  • Crittenden Res

    To each their own… I’m guessing few of the people responding have ever had to think about how to monetize most of their assets to make things work. I can’t help but feel like everyone is acting a little trolly. Seems like Scott is taking it all in stride… but geez… let up a little.

    • Hill Denizen

      Uh, no one is knocking him for the offer to share space, even tight space. People are criticizing the creepiness of the post and his requests in addition to the rent.

    • wdc

      I have, actually, had to think about how to monetize my assets. And you know what? It never ONCE occurred to me to make money off someone desperate who might also have sex with me, while still paying me money (albeit a little less money than before).

  • dcgator

    I think you mislabeled this one, PoP…shouldn’t this be a GDoN?

    • eggs

      LOL yes

  • northeazy

    I mean honestly, if you are hard up, it’s not that bad of deal. Like, better than the street. Because $250 a month wont get you far.

  • The Jimmy

    Fake ad

  • dcduchess

    I found this same guy while searching for a dog sitter while we go on vacation. Same gross photos and all.
    Its mind blowing that he thinks those are a good advertisement for dog sitting or a roommate search.

    No way would I leave my dog there, under any circumstances.

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