GDoN “Hypnotic is not hyperbolic for the atmosphere here” edition

by Prince Of Petworth — November 16, 2016 at 12:05 pm 18 Comments


This house is located at 112 4th Street, Northeast. The listing says:

“Pause, prepare, beware thin air in there, I dare you not to stop & stare, to tear your eyes from a line of site, from uninterrupted mind-scrubbing light, custom design/build by Warmington Oppenheim Dev., precise execution of contemporary energy. Hypnotic is not hyperbolic for the atmosphere here, the clear & present synergy between form, function & finishes sending us on an awesome treasure hunt.”

Ed. Note: Yes, it’s a Thomas Faison listing.


You can see more photos here. This 4 bed/3.5 bath is going for $1,845,000.



    Thing 1 – Faison’s descriptions make me want to punch something.
    Thing 2 – It looks like the house is well done…but the floors! The floor color plus all the white it washes everything out, it looks very sterile to me. Not for me.

    • AMDCer

      Agree – I’m sure it could be warmed up with decor, window treatments, etc., but the house looks really cold to me.

  • houseintherear

    That is a beautiful house, ruined only by that piece of crap write-up. OMG.

  • Bloomy


  • stacksp


  • DeanWillow

    I like the look, but not for $1.8 million. Will they get list price?

  • anonymous

    Thomas Faison listings are amazing if you imagine Pat Collins reading them.

  • navyard

    I love the dark blue and black combo for paint on the outside, but only if the house never catches any sun. Otherwise, the door will swell and crack from expansion.

    I think it’s really pretty though.

    • stacksp


  • Here’s an interesting article on the mind behind these listings: http://dc.curbed.com/2014/5/28/10094682/talking-with-tom-faison-the-poet-of-dc-real-estate-listings

    • Lol: “Have you ever heard Diet Coke describe what’s in their soda? No. But, you’ll be skinny and beautiful and happy and on a boat if you drink it.”

  • ET

    For some reason this reads in a way that is aggressively taste-specific. It feels like one of those places that has to be redone in 5 years because by that time it feels so very, very dated. Don’t know why I am getting that for this place when I haven’t for others with similar interiors but I am. They definitely staged that place with a buyer that likes that aesthetic because that staging and the design choices don’t translate much beyond the minimalist modern.

    Feels too expensive but given what people are paying for stuff it wouldn’t surprise me if it goes for that.

    • Caleb

      I thought the exact same…this is the home for someone from SoCal stuck in DC for a few years. Then at least 5 major things will need to be updated within 5 years when they sell it back to a more conventional–read boring–east coaster.

  • P

    Maybe a walk-in upstairs, but I don’t see a garage or enough closets. I guess the buyer will be so hip and minimalist that they simply won’t need storage space. But they will need another kitchen in the basement. just to change it up some days. Or they could rent it out and put a curtain over the stairway? Beautiful place though, I love the yard.

    • anonymous

      The basement is for the TaskRabbit. Minimalists can’t always be running to storage themselves.

  • mian

    I love Tom’s writing style. In the era of Redfin and Zillow his use of words is much better than just a regurgitation of the house’s stats, 3 bed, 2 baths, 1400 sqft. We can read the stats on the site, I dont need them twice.

    • CS

      I’m just happy he doesn’t use the phrase “sought after” in his description

  • DC aesthetic

    I think there is something refreshing about intentionally describing something, especially a home, in a way that demands you pay attention and apply some thought to. In this content dense world, who needs more of the same? Why read a description twice when you can read something that is evocative. These photos make me want to breath in this interior, set myself on a couch in the corner and enjoy the view. The light is amazing and staging is just to help with scale–a new owner likely envisions something uniquely their own. Beautiful!


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