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The Solution to High Rent?

by Prince Of Petworth May 21, 2014 at 3:15 pm 123 Comments

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Photo by PoPville flickr user ekelly80

“Dear PoPville,

Found this on craigslist. The ad is pretty funny but I think it also touches on the realities of cost of living in DC. Thoughts?”

The Rent is TOO HIGH! Solution, let’s get married! (District of Columbia)

Who can afford this ridiculous rent here in DC? Not this guy. $1800 for a studio so small you can stick our your arms and touch the walls in a sketchy neighborhood. Sure, here’s 50% of my monthly income, thank you.

We all know that parquet floors is code for “This building is older than you are.” And “up and coming neighborhood” means you’ll probably get mugged on a semi-regular basis. Any building that with a “classic” look is falling apart. You’re sick and tired of having mice run around your pantry?

Me too. Solution? Let’s get married. (Kinda!) All of the married couples get to split rent on a 1br. Dating and getting married is expensive and time consuming. Ain’t nobody got time for that! We’ll just skip ahead to the living together part. Cool?

I am- a 30 yo male. Employed. Reasonably attractive. Healthy. Never married. No kids. Good job. Great hygiene. Bonus: I’m a cuddler!

You are – A female between the ages of 26 and 33. Social drinker. Non smoker. No drugs. Good hygiene. No felony charges. Healthy.

We find a one bedroom in a great apartment building with granite counter tops, rude 24hr concierge, and floor-to-ceiling windows. This is a must! We move in together. Enjoy the amenities. Have friends over. Enjoy life.

Caveat – You must love live music, books, crazy wild sex, good wine, and be willing to try out my (often misguided) attempts at cooking.

Who needs dating and getting to know each other and all that nonsense?! We can just cohabitate at 425 Mass, View 14, West End 25, Post Mass Ave…

If interested (and how could you not be after this kick-ass proposal?), respond with a little bit about yourself. Please include photos!

(No Republicans, please.)
*Also, we’re not for real getting married. Maybe…*

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