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Good Deal or Not? “Not built but born” edition

by Prince Of Petworth January 16, 2014 at 1:00 pm 50 Comments

1335 Maryland Avenue Northeast

This house is located at 1335 Maryland Avenue, Northeast:


The listing says:

“Not built but born, a patient plot held out for just the right craftsmen, Connell/Schmidt have stepped up & once again blown my mind away, above fray, stratospheric, breathless scope, size & finish, Nobel Prize for Houses, objection-free spouses, top 3 homes I’ve ever sold, #1 in bold, Wait! 2BR rental all mine? So cool, wallet so full, sleep soundly, Honey wake up! There’s a flash-mob downstairs!”

You can see more photos here.

This 7 bed/4.5 bath is going for $1,345,000.

  • Trinidaddy

    Faison’s crack-induced descriptions never fail to amuse me! Nice house!

  • dc_mike

    The write up makes me want to shoot the realtor, but the house is amazing.

    • JJ


  • This doesn’t appear to be a Tom Faison listing, so what’s with the obscenely obnoxious description?

    • Nevermind, I see it is one of his.

    • Anonymous

      This listing makes me want to do “jazz hands” as I’m reading it….

      • Anonymous

        … and then pause just long enough to cut another line….. OKAY! BACK TO JAZZ HANDS!

  • Anonymous

    I want some of whatever that realtor is on. That being said, I really like what they did with the butcher block/marble combo on that kitchen island.

  • Anonymous

    So 1.3 million is no longer house porn. Looks like PoP is finally catching up with the market.

    • textdoc

      Maybe we need a category for Borderline House Porn. ;)

    • hahaha no I was disappointed with yesterday’s pick. But originally I designated house porn at $1mil and I have bumped it (at least in my searches) to $1.25 mil. Not that a mil. isn’t a ton of money…

      • Well $1.3M in this particular block of Maryland (or even several blocks) is certainly the most expensive I’ve seen.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t like the columns and overhang out front, it is a inappropriate execution on this style of house. Also the kitchen finishes are the same for both the apartment and the main house. I take that as either overspending on the apartment or the finishes are subpar for 1+ million dollar house. Additionally the railings on the stairs are as cheap as you can get. I know this is new construction but the details are what command prices in this range and it appears they are underwhelming. I do give them props for blending with the other houses though.

    • Kind of crazy when you pull up the Google street view and see that was just the yard for the house next door before.

  • Alfred Nobel would dynamite that description if he wasn’t busy spinning in his grave.

  • ShawRes

    Not wild about the location – Maryland Ave over there is quite busy (certainly not a charming street). With that being said, the house itself is incredible. Hard to find that kind of square footage in other neighborhoods plus the rental unit. Very well laid out with that extra little nook over by the kitchen. Would be a great family house.

    • I would imagine you could almost smell the Checker’s fries cooking from this location.

      • whoa_now

        Didn’t Checkers just get bought and condos are going up there?

        • I don’t know about that. There are condos being built directly across from Checker’s, but I haven’t seen anything related to their lot.

        • Nolo

          Yes, Checkers is on its way out. Word is that condos are coming. Heard it from the ANC.

  • i love covered entries, but agree that it looks out of place here. also disappointed that it doesn’t have the metal stairs/railings like its neighbors do. love the marble/butcher block combo counters though!!!

  • Anon

    At that price can I get the ugly church on the block torn down?

    • jeffb

      How about showing a little respect for the people who have lived in and built this community? That “ugly church” you reference is an important institution for the African Americans who have lived in this neighborhood since the 1960s. Is it not enough for you do drive people out of their homes and community with gentrification? Do you really have to insult the people too, and rub salt into the wound? Please think about that and about what kind of person you want to be.

      • Trinidaddy

        If a house changes hands between two consenting parties, who’s getting driven out? What are you talking about here?

      • An ugly church can still be an important and respected institution. No one said anything against your community. It was a comment on architecture. A lot of 60-70s architecture is ugly.

    • Curious Tourist

      Please don’t let your mouth write a check that your ass can’t cash. If beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder, than you should know that your own ugliness is apparent. Your flippant anonymous remark makes you look so small compared to the community of people who founded, built, attend, and support that church.

      • Anonymous

        You realize you’re guilty of doing the exact same thing as the OP, right? But carry on internet bully!

        • Anonthernon

          LOL And your name calling makes things better? Pass the popcorn.

  • Sean

    PoP – I think this post should be cross-linked with “Meth may sound cool. Don’t be fooled.”

    Description aside, this looks like a great place. I wouldn’t have gone with the waterfall butchers block island, but that’s the only thing I don’t like.

  • Anonymous

    I’d never ever ever ever ever pay that much to live next to the ‘hood. Sorry folks, but it’s the truth – Carver Langston ain’t going anywhere.
    And that crappy garage door on the back parking pad is going to have issues after a year or two exposed to the elements. $1.4 million and they couldn’t even spring for proper roll down gate? Pssh.

    • Anonymous

      Totally agree on the garage door. I had one at my old house and the thing constantly broke. It was a pain in the rear. At this price I’d definitely expect the higher quality steel rollup.

  • Anonymous

    This is a horrible deal. That price is obscenely high for a place on a busy street adjacent to the hood and on a small lot. For that price I’d expect to at least see an exceptional interior, but this is yet another flip devoid of any character and just blah.

    • Anonymous

      You mean like when they flipped an empty lot into a building? That sort of flip?

    • Anonymous

      For this kind of money you can get something really nice in Mount Pleasant or be west of the Park. Or even in the nicest areas of old money Capitol Hill. I wouldn’t risk this much in a fringe, unestablished area that will be the first to downturn in the next recession.

      • Anonymous

        +1. You’d have to be pretty stupid to spend that much on this house in this area.

      • Anonymous

        not sure you could in “old money” Capitol Hill – also define the area of old money cap hill.

      • whoa_now

        not saying this is a good price, but seriously doubtful you could find a house or equal size and condition in any of those places for less than 2 mil…This is probably overpriced – but I’d assume not by much..meaning it will sell for around 1 mil.

      • Honest

        Maybe people don’t want to go west of the park. Maybe they want to be a more diverse neighborhood with easy access to checker’s fries until the checkers is torn down for condos. I’ve lived in this fringe area for the last 10 years and have watched home values double and triple. Not sure I agree with your assessment that this will be the first area to downturn in the next recession.

        • Anonymous

          i don’t find west of the park to be more attractive than this area.
          its strange when people don’t realize that we all have different preferences.

        • Anonymous

          Are you raising kids in your home? Because a family would be crazy to buy here.
          The only people seriously considering this place at this price are DINKs.

          • anon


          • Yeah, but there are tons of DINKs.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t have kids but there are 4 different households on my block who had kids in the last 5 years. They’re not moving to west of the park or leaving DC. They’re working out their school situation and and staying in the neighborhood. In the church which someone asked to be torn down is a Montessori day care. You see lots of people driving and walking their kids to that school in the morning.

  • WestEgg

    Is that marble floor in the apartment’s bathroom??
    (Rant: This is my first comment all week, I’m absolutely NOT posting too quickly!! ;-) )

  • textdoc

    I’m glad they made an effort to fit in with the style of the neighboring houses for the front facade (although as others have pointed out, the overhand above the door and the columns supporting it don’t go with this type of facade). I originally thought this was an older house with a pop-up, not new construction.
    I’m not a fan of the pop-up portion — it just isn’t very convincingly done, and the arrangement of the windows in the pop-up is a dead giveaway — but other than that, the house looks nice enough. (And the basement kitchen looks surprisingly high-end for a rental.) I wonder whether the basement rental has a C of O.
    The house is on a busy street, though, and Google Street View shows a firehouse a few doors down. $1.3M seems like a lot, even given the proximity to the 1300 block of H Street NW.

    • H St Resident

      The firehouse is actually no longer functioning….it is now condos (shocker)

      • textdoc

        Good to know. (And how apropos!)

  • I don’t believe this area is considered Carver-Langston, nor should it be considered the ‘hood. With that said, that is quite a lot of $ for the area, but shiny and new gives you that kinda leeway.

  • YanniDC

    Same developers who did my house just of H. These guys rock and are true craftsmen. Not your standard house flippers.

  • Anonymous

    Man, it would be awesome to be a realtor and write silly unprofessional stuff like this and make $60,000+ on the one transaction. I went into the wrong line of work!


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