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I usually pretend to be the “helpful naif” – Oh, do you need some help with that? I could go get a wrench if you need it. Oh, did you lock yourself out? You know the cops have those jimmy things to unlock your car, would you like me to call them for you? Oh, you locked yourself out of your house? Bummer, I’ve done that – wait here, I’ll get a stool so you can reach that window. . .
If they are kids I just go full-on old-fashion scolding – What are you doing? Does this bring honor to you and your family? What would you think if someone stole that from /said that to (etc.) your mother. It is essential to guilt them to death – talk to them like the real misguided small humans they are – not just curse their stealing punk asses and give them a reason to rage against your machine.