Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

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Photo by PoPville flickr user Phil

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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182 Comment

  • Andie302

    Rave: We got engaged yesterday!!!! We were walking the 10k Across the Bay and at the top of the bridge he proposed 🙂 Then last night I thought just the two of us were going to celebrate at dinner and it turns out friends and family got together at 1905. What a day!

  • skj84

    Rave: Wonderful time at the Tweed Ride yesterday. It was a beautiful day for a ride. Just so much good energy and fun. Loved seeing everyones vintage inspired outfits, I think this was one of the most stylish rides I’ve been on. A special thinks to the group who let me join their picnic in Lincoln Park. You guys rocked with your hospitality. This ride really brings people of all backgrounds together.
    Rant: Pretty sure I’ve been dumped and by text to boot. In my heart I knew this thing wasn’t going to work out, but its just so rude to be dropped like that. He went from being super into to me, to slow fade in week, no real warning. I’m trying not to be hurt about it, but it sucks so much.
    Rave: Working from home so at least I can veg in my jammies and sulk.

  • Rant: Time change. Ugh, my kids were a bit of a hot mess this weekend. I’m exhausted.
    Rave: I can admit it was nice to have daylight while getting ready this morning.
    Rant: Mtpkiddo managed to clock herself in the head twice this weekend–once in the back losing her grip on a fence and falling off of a ledge, and once walking into a lamppost after an aborted lantern walk.
    Rant: Having to abort the lantern walk because mtpkiddo was such a hot mess and dissolving into tears because she automatically wanted any lantern her best buddy was holding (ignore the fact that she immediately passed off whatever she was holding to one of the adults as soon as she got it). Oh, the ridiculousness of overtired preschoolers.
    Rave: Going to bed early a couple of nights this weekend.

    • You need coffee. All the coffee. I’m so afraid that this is just going to be an awful week of a grumpy baby with multiple overnight wake ups. Good luck to you.

      • My one saving grace is that we seem to have recovered from the middle of the night wake-ups. Fingers crossed for that! But yes, I might need more coffee. How have your nights been?

  • @hiphopanonymous – I was catching up on what I missed Friday and forgot that I was reading Friday’s RRR. I posted some stuff about Vegas, feel free to check it out!

  • Rave: Sunshine and being able to work out again and my wonderful husband.
    Rave: The NYTimes yesterday – some really insightful, helpful articles about what’s happened this year, what will happen on Tuesday, and how we move beyond Tuesday. Especially the Sunday Review section.
    Rave: Turns out I’ll be in Buenos Aires for work later this week.
    Rant: Can’t stay longer.
    Rave: So looking forward to watching the election results with friends in the great District.

  • anonymouse_dianne

    Just learned I will be an orphan for Thanksgiving. Any ideas of where to hang out around 14th and W?

  • Rave: Saw Lapsley last night and she was amazing. Can’t wait to go back and see The Naked and Famous tomorrow night.
    Rant: Trump supporters coming out of the woodwork on FB. Even if HRC wins, they’re not going away.

  • Rant: Daylight Savings Time. I’m convinced that daylight savings time is punishment against parents of young children for our contribution to the planet’s overpopulation. Baby Artie was up every 2.5 hours last night.
    Rave: Coffee. All the coffee.
    Rant: I woke up with a knot in my stomach which I don’t think is going to go away until the election results are in. Or, depending on the outcome, for the next four years.
    Rave: We are hosting our first party in the new house this weekend. We will see if I can still pull this off with a small infant.

    • I hadn’t read this yet when I commented above. Yuck. I’m sorry. Hopefully tonight is better?

      • I hope so too. I tried to keep him up last night until what is his usual bedtime. I think I’m going to put him down as soon as we get home tonight. He is so overtired.

        • At least he’s still in an infant room where he can hopefully nap on demand–that might help as well. Good luck!

    • Babies and Daylight Savings DO NOT mix well. I also have a pit in my stomach about the election, and I am afraid it may not even go away after it’s all over!

  • CatieCat – if you are reading this – I’m in for the Popville HH on Thursday! we are not going out of town till Friday morning. (I was going to text you but thought it would be more fun to post & see if you saw it.)

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: can’t seem to care about work. Just staring at my task without comprehending it.
    Rave: enjoying a hot cup of tea.

  • Rave: Thought my sweet potatoes were a failure this year (test plant dug up a few weeks ago had nothing); sweet (potato) surprise was filling up two crates yesterday
    Rave: Also planted seven different kinds of garlic and shallots
    Rant: My back objects to all the digging and planting
    Rave: Boxes of green tomatoes picked before frost are (almost) all turning red. More roasted tomatoes for the freezer 🙂

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rant: Lots of annoying things happened this weekend.
    Rant: The worst of which is that someone hit the younger Zeldas’ car while it was parked in front of our house. No note, of course. Freaking Maryland drivers.
    Rave: It looks like the damage won’t cost a fortune to repair.
    Rave: The small girl sitting next to me on the Metro this morning. She told me all about her jew-el-ry box, which has two rings in it – REAL rings – and a dolphin necklace, and some crystals.

    • Your last rave is so sweet.

    • Yikes — the Zelda family is not doing so well lately when it comes to cars!
      .
      Love the final rave. 🙂

      • Quotia Zelda

        Nope! I’m starting to feel like we’re cursed.
        This little car, in particular, has had bad luck. Eldest Zelda scraped up the side when she was a new driver (happily, no other people or cars involved, just EZ misjudging her distance from a pillar in a parking garage), then our neighbor backed into it, then EZ got rear-ended, and now this.

  • Neither: Was out sick on Friday and slept for 10 1/2 hours straight…yikes. and yay, I guess.
    Rave: Baked another apple pie with the last of my apples from apple-picking with Spitecupcakes.
    Rantish: Still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my nephew!
    Rant: So very, very worried about the outcome of this wretched election. My stomach is in knots. I’ve already done my duty and voted, but I just feel so dirty that this is the election we’ve brought on ourselves.
    Rant: I think I’m also struggling with depression, but not sure if it’s just situational, SAD/seasonal stuff, or just my brain going haywire.
    Rave: At least there was light this morning

  • Rant: It’s getting cold! I need to figure out my bike commute attire.
    Rant: Monday! I walked into something and tore my pants too on the way into work. Good thing these pants are like $100! I seem to have some big money hole each month.
    Rave: Great weekend, short week with Friday off! I slept awesome with this hour back, now I hope I can keep it up.
    Inquiry: I don’t own a car and I don’t really need one 99% of the time but I might borrow my parents for like a week to accommodate some medical appointments. Can I use a guest pass to park on the street for that with no worries? I have one but never have used.

    • ditto re: your rant on bike commute attire!
      i haven’t quite unpacked my gloves yet and am trying to figure out that fine line between too cold & too sweaty when I arrive to work!

    • “Can I use a guest pass to park on the street for that with no worries? I have one but never have used.”
      .
      Yes, a VPP (Visitor Parking Permit) should be fine for this purpose.

  • I Dont Get It

    Awesome! Best wishes!

  • Rant: This ankle injury still has me sidelined on the recliner and my long to-do list from the weekend is pretty much untouched. I have no idea how we’re going to fit in so many things over the next few weekends but it has to happen somehow.
    Rave: Granola with butterscotch chips. It’s too sweet for breakfast but damn it’s good for dessert.
    Rant: The Other Mrs. Rabbit had to go back to work today after arranging to work from home all last week to help me out. It’s too quiet in the house.
    Rave: Kabocha squash finally appeared at the farmer’s market. I’ve been looking forward to it all summer.
    Rave: For the first time in 16 years, I’m not participating in any of the election night madness. We’re having date night instead.

  • Rave: such a fabulous weekend with my bestie. It makes me so happy that we’re still friends even though we live in different places.
    Rave: my first tweed ride after party (missed the ride) was a blast.
    Rave: I only have one episode of Good Girls Revolt left. So good!
    Rant: I know the show is only based on real events, but I can’t bear to think about “making America great again” or going back even ten years in time. Just watching the one character who was oblivious to the sexism finally realize it and see how it affected her makes me so upset.

    • I’m having a hard time loving Good Girls Revolt – I mean, I want to love it, and there are parts that are really funny, or interesting, or insightful, but I also just find myself getting annoyed at the writing…I can’t put my finger on in, but so far, I’m just not loving it as much as I thought I would….

  • Rant: Nervous as fck re election. canvassed in a GOP stronghold in PA on the weekend, and it made me super stressed.

    • Are you in the secret FB group, Pantsuit Nation? I’m still nervous and anxious, but this group makes me feel a lot more positive.

      • I love Pantsuit Nation. They’ve made me feel so much more positive about the election.

        • I’m thinking about stopping at the thrift store on the way home to see if I can find a colorful pantsuit. The only one I have is dark plaid.

        • And/or wear white. From NYTimes:
          “While Clinton has worn white on quite a few occasions, her all-white ensemble, as pointed out by The New York Times, was likely in reference to the attire of the women’s suffragette movement whose uniforms consisted of the colors white, purple, and gold. Now, as an homage to both Clinton and the women’s movement, Clinton supporters are dressing in white to vote.”

          • Quotia Zelda

            During commencement/reunion weekend at my college, there’s a parade where we all wear white, which started in solidarity with the suffragists and the women’s movement. I’m planning to wear white tomorrow.

          • I own even less white than I own pantsuits :-/

          • laurel parade is the best part of commencement…and certainly in my experience was more meaningful than the sitting there getting the diploma part

          • Quotia Zelda

            Yes! And singing “Bread and Roses” brings me to tears every time.

        • yes! I love it!!!! Its making me feel more positive.

      • Pantsuit Nation has been my happy place since last week. I love all of the positivity. And how fast it’s growing – it’s now more than 1% of the number of likely voters!

      • topscallop

        Pantsuit Nation has helped me to feel so much calmer about the outcome of this election, and the positivity and inclusiveness exhibited on the group’s page is so uplifting!

  • Rant: Missing my old 10 min walk commute to work. Try the Marc to Union station, it was late ended up on the red line ->green line -> walking
    Questions: I need recommendation for someone to check our heater that has been leaking, also need recommendation to where to buy plantation blinds. Thanks

  • Rave: Somewhat pessimistic girlfriend who, through her work, has as much or more access to polling and early voting data as literally anybody in Washington. thinks Hillary is going to pull it out, in large part thanks to Hispanics and “the girls.” Early surge of non-college white voters seems to be mostly repeat voters voting early out of enthusiasm for Trump, rather than the sudden appearance of millions of new voters.
    .
    Rant: I’m about over this campaign.

    • So its not going to be a blowout? I need it to be a blowout to repudiate Trump’s racist, misogynistic language!

      • I don’t think it was ever going to be a blowout as long as Hilary Clinton was the Dem nominee. Too many people already didn’t like her, regardless of who the Reps nominated.

      • I think you’re going to have to settle on this one. A blowout is definitely a long shot.

  • Revel: Hillary Clinton won 95% of the votes in my class mock election. My kids know what’s up.
    Revel: working in a state where teachers unions exist.
    Rant: the fact I need to call them.

    • So in my kids’ school, they are not doing a mock election, though in one of the kids’ classes, they did a ‘compare and contrast’ on the candidates. The kid in question want to contrast with ‘Trump is a racist bigot and Clinton is not” but was not allowed.
      Apparently would rather teach kids about how they both played a sport in childhood than what is actually up. This makes me miss DCPS so much.

  • Rant: Had a HORRIFIC day yesterday in terms of my depression. Constant rumination over crap that probably will never happen to me that I have had in a while. Had me extremely angry and upset. Actually made me physically tired.Made me really nervous. Won’t be able to see my therapist until next week though.
    Rave: 1st time making salad dressing late last night and it turned out pretty good despite above rant.
    Rant: Dude pushing his way onto the down escalator to the Green Line at Fort Totten. Damn near knocked a lady in front of me down. Idiot.
    Rave: Short line at Starbucks this morning.
    Rave: Got back to my college football roots on Saturday when I watched the Alabama-LSU game. It was so boring until Bama finally scored in the 4th quarter. I HATE those kind of games. Feels so drawn out.

  • That One Guy

    Rant: Muscle aches and pains from fixing toilet in cramped half bathroom. It feels like I was using a thigh master. (o’_’o)#

  • Rave: Finally settled on a horse (actually, pony) I really like to ride and the good thing is that no one else rides him so he needs the attention. He’s a giant brat to tack up but delightful to ride and jump. Definitely a pony that needs an adult rider.
    Rant: Ready for a break. Really looking forward to Thanksgiving and winter break.
    Rave: Going to Charleston with my fiance and my parents right after Christmas. I haven’t been since I was 3 so definitely in need of recommendations of things to do/see/eat!

    • Love your first rave!

    • That’s awesome! I love those types of buggers – they’ll test you but you’ll have so much fun!

    • Wonderful rave! In a former life, I rode hunter/jumper competitively, and I’m getting to the point where I finally can start again. Any recommendations where? For now, I’d be happy to ride maybe 3 times per week with some jumping (with a long-term goal of buying and showing a jumper). Any recommendations for a place to ride and take lessons?

      • I rode at Rock Creek Park Horse Center and liked most of the instructors I worked with. The one I didn’t like isn’t there anymore

        • This is my dream! I want to start taking horse riding lessons so badly but I just have to see how everything goes move/budget wise….

          • You should totally check out reddemeade – they have a working student option where you can work a few hours and reduce the cost of your lessons (Also a great way to get to know the horses and the instructors and they teach you). Also – it’s not far from where you’re looking to move! Oh – ponies are such a wonderful hobby/love/passion!

          • Thanks, UDPie, i’ll check it out!

          • I’m no longer in DC and unfortunately never rode in the city – just far out in Fairfax County. I hope you find a place that you like! I’m a hunter/jumper by training but really don’t like to show. I finally found a place where I am now (midwest) that just lets me do my thing without pushing me to compete. Its a really nice feeling to find a barn that fits what you’re looking for with a nice sense of community.

        • Thank you!

      • Reddemeade is a good option- in Silver Spring technically but more like burtonsville. I’ve ridden with them for around 7 years – not completely happy with everything there but definitely a good place with great horses and option to jump.

        • Thank you! I keep thinking to ask every time you make a riding comment and keep getting pulled away. I’ll give them a call!

  • Rave: Lovely weekend. Saw friends, biked lots, and went to the African-American history museum on the Mall. Beautiful, especially with the sun setting through the ironwork facade. So nourishing.
    Rant: Election shenanigans. Less than 35 hours to go (hopefully).
    Rave: Looking forward to the PoPville happy hours this week and putting faces to names!

  • Rant: Cannot focus at work today. All I can think about is the election.
    Rant: Also feeling kind of headachy, and I cannot have a migraine this week. Just nope. Nope nope nope.
    Rave: I spent too much on food this week but I’ve been making my own Beefsteak/Cava-inspired vegetable & rice bowls and they are SO GOOD. Rarely do I feel like I just can’t get enough vegetables.
    Rave: This is my big week of fun stuff! Two happy hours and a concert on Saturday. Hoopla!

  • Rave: Put in notice at my job today. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited about the new gig.
    Rave: They counter-offered with a promotion (management position) and more money – which makes me feel awesome.
    Rant: They won’t accept my resignation until “we” can agree on an end date. I”m only obligated to give them 2 weeks, but gave them 30 days. They want 60 days. This had me walking out of the meeting feeling drained and not happy like I would have liked. I needed closure.
    Rave: SO doesn’t have to work tonight so we will hit our fav Monday night HH and have guac and margaritas and whatever else I need to celebrate.

    • Congrats! And boo to them for being penny ante about your end date, it just confirms you’re smart to leave.. What happens if they don’t “accept” your resignation?

      • Not going to lie, if someone said they wouldn’t “accept” my resignation after I’d given plenty of notice, I probably just wouldn’t show up.

    • If you are obligated to give 2 weeks, can they really hold you to 60 days or just not accept?

      • Yeah, I don’t think they actually have the option to “not accept” your resignation. Is there an HR person here who can speak to this with more authority?
        .
        Thirty days is more than enough notice; their wanting 60 days is ridiculous. Can you contact someone inn HR at your company to let them know that your last day is ____ and have them get things rolling for whatever separation stuff needs to be done?

        • Depends on the terms of employment. If it’s at-will, then she can walk out tomorrow. It would be rude, but allowed. If she has a contract, then the contract states the terms of resignation.
          30 days notice for at-will employment is just fine. They can ask for whatever they want, but she does not have to oblige.

    • In the end I think they’ll accept it – b/c technically I could have given the 2 weeks and been within my legal rights. I think they’re just buying time so they can get a replacement in play as there is no obvious person to take over my role. I don’t want to burn bridges which is why I said we could discuss, but was thinking they meant by a few days – maybe a week, not by another month.

      • I have a feeling it is going to be a loooooong 30 days. Having done that in the past, I’d never do it again. If I were you, I’d see about the possibilities of moving up your end date as things go along, or taking some time off before you go.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Congratulations on the new gig!

  • Rave: caught up on some sleep this weekend and feeling much more rested than I have the past few weeks.
    Rave: Looking forward to an election party with good friends…
    Nerves: the election itself.
    Rant: Wishing I had the leave to take Wednesday off…. especially if things don’t go well.

  • Anyone know this anonymous bike commuter? He’s wanted for assaulting an elderly driver:
    .
    “I can’t even believe what I witnessed this morning. Does your husband ride a bike with a baby carrier on the back? This morning I saw a white male about 35 years old wearing red Washington National mittens get completely out of control. This was in on North Capitol not far from the Fort Totten metro stop. Apparently he was riding in front of a car and the car honked at him. I didn’t actually witness this but that’s what he was screaming about. The driver was probably about 60 years old. Your husband went crazy! I’ve never seen anything like it. Not only did he start screaming at the man and cursing at the man, calling him a mother f*cker and telling him to get out of the car and fight him, but he also hit the man’s car and threw his bike against it. He demanded that the old man give them an apology and when the man would not do that, your husband opened his door and slapped the old man across the face. Your husband was so completely out of control it was scary. If the light hadn’t turned green and dozens of cars hadn’t started honking, I’m sure your husband would have pulled that old man out of the car and beaten him to a pulp. I hope this message reaches his wife because what if your baby had been in the baby carrier on the back during this incident? I wouldn’t trust that husband with my baby. He needs therapy immediately and you need to watch your back because he has a very short fuse. He’s lucky he didn’t get shot. Unbelievable.”

    • I wonder how I would react if I recognized my husband in a post like that.
      Opened the door and slapped the driver?? Doesn’t leave a lot of room for downplaying, which would have been my first thought given that DCUM is the single most dramatic space on the internet.
      (Also, I hate to quibble, but since when is 60 “elderly”? I think of elderly as 75+ and frail.)

      • Yeah, as someone approaching 60, I’d say 60 truly is the new 40. That’s what most people assume I am, anyway.
        .
        I’m sure this man’s wife, if he has a wife (not all men with children do), she is well aware already of his temper and violent tendencies, and may have already left him for this reason … and thus may have no choice about him having the child on the bike at times.

    • binntp

      “I hope this messages reaches his wife” – how does the complainant know he’s even married, let alone to a woman?

  • Rave: Had a good weekend — did lots of D.C. and neighborhood exploring on Saturday with an out-of-town guest, and got a lot of outdoor work done on Sunday in the nice weather.
    Rant: Even with the time change, I still went to bed later than I should’ve.
    Rave: Getting up this morning was a little easier than usual.
    Rant: Did not get a chance to use up some McDonald’s breakfast coupons before they expired. I love McDonald’s breakfast, so this makes me sad.
    Rave: I’ve really been enjoying “The Durrells in Corfu” on PBS. Laughed out loud several times during last night’s episode.

  • Forgotten rant: We had a functional dishwasher for all of two weeks, and then it died at seemingly the same point in the run cycle. While the electronic control panel we installed was used, that’s still suspicious to me. Wondering if something about how the unit is functioning is getting water into the panel and then shorting it. Ugh.

  • maxwell smart

    REVEAL: Found out some interesting information at work about how people are billed that I probably should not have been privy to.

  • Rave: It was light this morning when I came to work! Happy days!
    Rant: Yes, that means it will be dark when I get home. Whatevs.
    Not sure? When my SO and I hosted our first Thanksgiving, a relative of his invited a Thanksgiving orphan to dinner. Being a ‘the more the merrier’ person, it didn’t bug me at all. However, this guest proceeded to get absolutely piss-ass drunk and then hit on my SO the entire evening. that family member’s spouse was particularly upset by the behavior. The ‘orphan’ was not invited back the following year, and really it’s become a joke in the family. Well, the relative let us know that they once again invited the ‘orphan,’ this time failing to ask first. I am pretty bemused by it and secure enough in my relationship to laugh when someone (unwantedly) hits on my SO, but he is really peeved. He also thinks it’s unfair that him getting unwanted attention is laughed off, whereas if it were a woman, it would be taken seriously (fair point), and suggested I tell his relative no. I’m following what I assume Hax would say (WWHS?), which is, his relative, his job to speak up. Is that the right thing to do?

    • Yes, I think it’s his job to speak up.

    • I would say since it’s his relative, it’s his job to speak up (and yours to back him up if he needs it.) Having said that, think about if the roles were exactly reversed, what would you want him to do? That could also be a guide for what you do if it prescribes a different course of action.

      • I’ve been thinking about this a lot since he brought that aspect up, and it’s difficult because he and I have very different personalities. If it were me in his shoes, I wouldn’t have had a problem saying to the guest at the time that their attention was unwanted and that they needed to cool it off, probably with stronger language that that. If it were my relative, I would then have no problem either saying fine, but it’s your job to babysit and make sure they don’t make a scene, or no, they can’t come and this is why. However, he and I really deal with conflict differently

        • “I would then have no problem either saying fine, but it’s your job to babysit and make sure they don’t make a scene” — Don’t give Steamroller Relative this option. He/she has proven that he/she can’t sufficiently babysit Disruptive Orphan.
          .
          I have a strong suspicion that even if Disruptive Orphan didn’t hit on SO again, she’d manage to be drunkenly disruptive in some other way. Don’t give her a chance to show you how.

        • OK, well let’s not say “if the roles were exactly reversed” then, let’s say if you were in his shoes. But based on your posts below it sounds like you’re pursuing that line of thought already. Good luck.

    • “his relative, his job to speak up” — Yep, I think that’s what Carolyn Hax would say, and I agree. Is your SO unusually confrontation-averse? I’m surprised he’s pushing it off on you. (What’s his relationship with the relative like — does he have a hard time saying no to him/her?)
      .
      Even if the Thanksgiving orphan hadn’t been hitting on your SO, the orphan getting piss-ass drunk and being disruptive — in ANY manner — would be grounds for not inviting the orphan again.
      .
      The relative should know that he/she shouldn’t be inviting someone to a Thanksgiving without clearing it with the host first. Bad manners on the relative’s part, and especially bad form given how disruptive the orphan was before.

      • “When my SO and I hosted our first Thanksgiving, a relative of his invited a Thanksgiving orphan to dinner. Being a ‘the more the merrier’ person, it didn’t bug me at all.” Did the relative clear the invitation with you in advance that time?
        .
        I’m wondering if this relative has a history of pushing/ignoring other people’s boundaries.

        • The relative asked before (as in, specifically). This time, the relative sent a sob story that ended with “I hope it’s ok to bring her because I’ve already invited her”

          • That is BS (“I hope it’s ok to bring her because I’ve already invited her”). Shame on the relative. It will be his/her job to break the bad news to the orphan, not YOUR job — and your SO’s job — to suck it up and allow the orphan to come.

      • He is confrontation-averse most of the time, and is generally an introvert. He has, in the past, had be run interference between him and this relative (SO is very much an introvert, and this particular relative has a tendency to try to steam roll SO into events. He never goes, it usually leads to hurt feelings).
        .
        I believe that the relative may request a dry Thanksgiving in order to prevent similar behavior (that was realtive’s comment last time, that if alcohol hadn’t been served, it wouldn’t have been an issue… which is BS, she was drinking before she got to our house), and this will absolutely not happen. It seems like there’s a lot of badform and bad manners going on, which makes me slightly nervous now.

        • Ugh. Sounds like a difficult relative — both the steamroller tendencies, and being in denial about the orphan’s bad behavior.

        • “that family member’s spouse was particularly upset by the behavior.” That’s the spouse of the steamroller relative, correct? (At first I thought maybe you meant your SO’s ex-wife… who if I recall correctly is a whole kettle of fish unto herself.)
          .
          Steamroller Relative is probably steamrolling his/her spouse too. So although the spouse is probably on your side, that probably makes no difference to Relative.

          • Yep, steamroller’s spouse was not happy; I don’t think the spouse likes this particular friend at all, and the spouse is particularly averse to drunken behavior (does not drink themselves). I am positive that the spouse is not looking forward to driving an hour plus to our house and back with the potentially drunk friend.
            .
            In all honesty, I think it’s crappy that the relative is subjecting everyone to this person. Also, this time around, there will only be family members at Christmas, whereas the first time it was a large gathering of about 20 adults with many additions including my SO’s ex-brother-in-law. So this time will be much more intimate, and if it were me, I would have definitely asked first before inviting someone along on those grounds alone.

          • Ugh, this whole situation sounds terrible. Sorry you’re dealing with it, it really is BS. I agree that its your SO’s job to speak up but if he doesn’t, I would probably just bite the bullet and do it myself if I were in this position. Otherwise I would dread TG the next couple weeks.

        • Whoa, the relative invited someone who had behaved badly before, and then suggested that you withhold alcohol from everyone else?? I’d be tempted to un-invite the relative! Seems like all the problems here have a common cause.
          (I know that’s not feasible. Just venting on your behalf.)

          • Relative hasn’t suggested this yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me; last time, I served sangria and there was beer and wine available. The relative said that maybe if we had restricted the alcohol, the orphan wouldn’t have gotten so drunk; well, the orphan drank probably a pitcher of strong sangria, and also finished both bottles of wine she brought – by herself. I think it’s a misplaced deflection.

          • Omg. Based on all of the above, if the Relative didn’t uninvite the Orphan I would definitely uninvite the Relative.

          • Univiting the relative is absolutely not an option at all. And this comes from the woman who would happily uninvite her own family members lol.

    • I agree, his job to speak up. That said, I could also see a rationale for you letting his relative know that your SO is very uncomfortable because of the unwanted attention, particularly if the relative contacted you about the invite rather than him.

      • The relative contacted him, which is odd given that the relative and I were discussing Thanksgiving just the other day. I think the relative assumed that I would have a problem with it and that she would get the desired answer (a yes, no matter how un-enthusiastic) from him.

        • What did SO say to the relative?

          • He made a comment along the lines of “thanks for asking” meaning it sarcastically (not sure if it was taken this way) and then asked me to say something to the relative.

        • Ah. Given the extra detail above, I could see a case for you taking up the cause, particularly since your SO has a hard time with these types of conversations. Unless this is an ongoing issue between the two of you & you’re trying to get him more involved. But even then, perhaps a reasonable time for an exception. Either way, sucky situation.

          • Yes, it sounds like you can speak up. Can you tell the relative that the TG orphan is not invited? You don’t have to explain or defend this – the relative was wrong to invite someone to your home without asking. Especially given the TG orphan was behaving badly last time

    • With the additional information that you’ve posted subsequent to the initial posting: It sounds like you’d probably be comfortable with telling Steamroller Relative that he/she can’t bring Disruptive Thanksgiving Orphan, and that your SO is profoundly UNcomfortable with it.
      .
      That being the case, I’d say that although it’s technically SO’s job to do so, it’d probably make more sense for you to take it upon yourself to tell Steamroller Relative that Disruptive Orphan isn’t welcome.
      .
      You might also want to have a plan in mind in case Steamroller Relative shows up with Disruptive Orphan on Thanksgiving Day anyway. (That sounds like the kind of thing that certain boundary-pushing steamrollers in my family would try.) Maybe you can confer with Steamroller’s spouse to confirm that they’ve left the house and Orphan isn’t with them??

      • These are some great ideas. I’m going to talk to SO tonight to gauge his real feelings, and if he does want me to say something, I think I will. If the person is brought and behaves badly again, I have no problem addressing that at the time too. Honestly, the first time, I thought it was funny and didn’t realize how uncomfortable it made him. But knowing now, it wouldn’t be right for me to see it and ignore it. Plus, it’s my goddamn house, lol.

  • Congratulations! This is making me think I should come to the next PoPville happy hour….

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