Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Julian Ortiz

You can talk about whatever is on your mind โ€“ quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct peopleโ€™s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

Follow PoPville on facebook here on twitter here, join the PoPville flickr pool here and sign up for daily email summaries here. Email tips and questions to [email protected]

236 Comment

  • Rave: I managed to leave the house on time and was early for daycare drop off.
    Rant: I was still late getting into the office thanks to a disabled train.
    Rave: I got a ton of errands and household chores done this weekend.
    Rant: My house still needs to be cleaned. It just feels so hard to keep on top of the daily chores, let alone weekly cleaning.

    • Ugh, I had problems on the green line today. Left late, got in even later. Good thing I’ve got a bit of a lull at work for now.
      I hear you on the cleaning–we gave up and hired cleaners when mtpkiddo was a few months old. We just don’t have enough time for everything, and would like to spend at least part of the weekend enjoying our kids.

      • Yeah same here. To put this in the correct popville form.
        Rave: I woke up early today!
        Rant: Metro still sucks and I got in later than normal due to a green line offloading at Mt. Vernon followed by red line shenanigans.
        Rant: 9am Monday morning meetings are a freaking nightmare.

  • Revel: first personal day of the year!
    Revel: celebrated my friends’ wedding in NJ last night
    Rant: my dumb ass checked my work email last night to see my team lead (not my supervisor) complaining, with the whole team cced) that I didn’t get something done over a week in advance of when it’s needed and lecturing me about my properties

  • Rave: Got a new job! That I’m really psyched about. So excited, in fact, that…
    Rant: I broke my foot. In a splint and on crutches until I can see a doc and see if I need surgery.

  • Rave: Great, empowering weekend. Exactly what I needed as I go into an important week personally and professionally.
    Random question: How do people inspire themselves? I have a bad habit of settling for less than I want (and what I’m worth) and would love to hear how others inspire themselves to go after what they want.

    • I become inspired by being around people who are doing what they’ve set out to do and who are motivated. Just being around them reminds me to do what makes me happy. Sometimes when I am feeling unmotivated, I think about all the things I am thankful for and all the support I have.

    • This is a really great random question. I’m also curious. Most of my life, I’ve been inspired most out of fear. But that’s not really something one chooses to motivate themselves with, so I don’t have a good answer.

    • I have one friend who is really optimistic and grateful, so I try to channel her when I need to feel more grateful. She writes great instagram captions, so I try to think about how she would write an instagram post of what what I’m thinking.

  • Revel: SLEEP. After an insane week & weekend of working, I finally got a lot of sleep last night.
    Revel: Going to see Hamilton on Wednesday.
    Rant: Waiting to hear on a new job…. waiting is the worst.

  • rave: ready for fall. ready for boots and some new fall-y outfits. FUN! lol
    rant: Monday. Mondays always suck.
    rave: already got a Christmas gift for a family member. i’m crazy, but i knew it would go fast (it’ll probably be sold out in a few days)

    • justinbc

      +1 for fall, it was great that one day last week when I left the house and it was the perfect amount of crispness in the air. Then the next few days were back to OMG WHYYYY

  • Rave: Garden is finally getting some needed rain! The watering can just doesn’t do the same wuality of work.
    Rant: Amazon will start charging 5.75% sales tax in DC on Oct 1 without really saying why… http://wtop.com/money/2016/09/amazon-says-it-will-start-charging-sales-tax-in-dc/ That’s not insignificant.

  • Rave: Snallygaster was fabulous. I had a great time with good friends and did not end up like 1) the people sprawled out on the ground towards the end, nor 2) the guy throwing up in the garbage can across the street after it ended. It was an enjoyable feat. My only condition for next year though is that I’d like to go with a bigger group, or else I might just volunteer.
    Rant: Did not sleep well at all Friday or Saturday night, slept like a rock last night but I’m still exhausted. Dragged myself into work, don’t really want to be here even though I love my job.
    Rave/Rant: Summer is my favorite season, but I’m ready for fall. I want all the sweaters and cuddles and brown ale and soups, etc. Bring it on.

    • justinbc

      I think I saw a record number of people puking this year, really unfortunate. Maybe it’s the small cups that provide people with the illusion they’re not drinking a lot, but all of those 10-18% beers will hit you hard after a few hours.

      • Agreed. The two people I went with and I were fairly careful to hit the higher-alcohol ones towards the beginning, get some lunch, and then go for the lighter beers. I felt kind of bad for the people not doing too great — it was a very easy mistake to make.

      • maxwell smart

        Haha… I know I had several too many bourbon porters (I kept thinking for a beer fest I’ve been drinking a LOT of whiskey), but I at least made it home before totally crashing. I was actually surprised how large the tasters were – glad I went with a group and we employed the “take a sip and pass it around” strategy, otherwise a couple of full tasters and I would have been done.

        • justinbc

          This year for sure had a crazy high number of bourbon/scotch/rum/etc barrel aged beers. Maybe an advisory on the signs for beers over 10%, or even offer half-taster pours for those. Some of the more elusive beers (Allagash Ghoulschip for example) were doing that anyway, without any warning. Personally I miss the days before the health regulators cracked down on them with disposable cups where they would actually fill up your whole glass or stein (I used to bring my own), but after seeing the drunk tank results for some people it’s probably a good thing regardless.

          • maxwell smart

            half-tasters would be a great idea for all the beers, IMO. There were some that sounded interesting but all I wanted was a shot-sized portion before committing to something larger.

          • This is why I didn’t even consider going this year. I get that bourbon/whiskey barrel aged beers are in super high demand right now, but I just don’t like them and figured I wouldn’t get my money’s worth not drinking any of those at all (or sours, which I will try but generally don’t like). Will be checking out Mad Fox’s Hoppy Oktoberfest this weekend, though!

          • I don’t like sours either, but I successfully avoided them. Actually, I might be weird but the real standout for me was the Cucumber Farmhouse.

          • maxwell smart

            There was, I thought, a pretty good diversity of beers available. I was happy to see it wasn’t a sea of IPA and Pale Ale (as I prefer porter / stout and love the bourbon barrel-aged).

          • justinbc

            Committing to “unique” beer styles is the best part about going with a group of friends. I saved some people from spending $10 on a less than great beer more than once, and was likewise saved on things that were high on my list. At one point I think we had upwards of 20 beers on the table at a time… I’m not a huge sour lover, but definitely had a few that were beyond noteworthy, which I never would have been exposed to otherwise. If anyone needs a team next year just let me know, I tackle it in about the most methodical, nerdy way possible.

          • maxwell smart

            I did not do a good job of taking notes – I could have used a scorecard or a passport or something that checked off what I tasted. I know there was an app, but it wasn’t the easiest thing to use, and between hauling around the beer stein, taster cups and food, the last thing I needed to add into the mix was my phone.

          • Sign me up to join your nerdy beer team, Justin.

          • I might take you up on that, too…

          • justinbc

            Sure thing, I’ll be sure to post a feeler for it next time it comes around (or something similar). The best part about being on my team is I already do all the research for you!

          • yes! I want in on the nerdy beer team for Snallygaster ’17, esp. if someone else is going to do all the necessary research!

    • skj84

      I was getting a sense of FOMO on Snallygaster. My friend offered me her ticket, but I was out of town. Glad I missed out on the pukers. Yuck. Agree on fall. I bought the most fabulous cape in NYC. I’m rearing at the bit to wear it! Along with my sweaters, hats, and scarves and leather jacket.

      • Maybe next year! I mean, it was definitely a great event if your goal isn’t to drink All Of The Beer. Also, I’d go out on a limb and guess that some of the pukers were probably the ones playing beer pong with the Bud Light, which seemed counter-intuitive considering the event….
        And oooooh, a cape?! That sounds amazing. I’m actually getting my new winter jacket in the mail today — the zipper had broken on my old one last year, and I’m really looking forward to this new one!

        • maxwell smart

          “playing beer pong with the Bud Light – what? I missed that entirely. Why would you go to a craft beer festival and drink Bud Light? Who was even selling Bud Light?

          • I have no clue. There was a beer pong table on the north side and I heard rumors that the bud light they were playing with was free. I had absolutely zero interest so did not investigate further.

          • skj84

            I can’t remember which festival it was, but its totally a thing. They were handing out full pours of Budlight at a craft beer fest. I didn’t partake, cause yuck, I guess a full pour of Bud is worth more than a taste of craft to some people.

          • justinbc

            They joked around about doing a dunk tank full of Bud / Miller too, one of the tidbits which unfortunately got cut from my article. Like any festival, there are people there who get dragged along by their friends who don’t have much interest in the main focus of the thing at hand, but want to be there to have fun anyway. Thus you have beer pong. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • You’d rather he didn’t make to the garbage can and puke on the sidewalk?

  • skj84

    Rave: Fantastic whirlwind trip to NYC this weekend! We stayed in the East Village which is one of my favorite neighborhoods in NYC, hit up Strand, The Highline, Drama Bookshop, some really amazing beer bars, and my usual pilgrimage to Magnolia bakery(what can I say, I’ve been going since I was 18. Still one of my favorite shops). Made new friends, didn’t let the bombing deter me, though it did freak me out a bit. Can’t wait to go back, hopefully in the real fall.

    Rant: Next time I’m going solo, and booking a hotel or Airbnb. There was a kerfuffle with the friend we were staying with and we were almost stranded at 2am in the morning. Staying with friends is free, but peace of mind is better. Not to mention the flexibility and real beds. My couch crashing days are over. I had fun with my friend, but the trip did lean more to the things she wanted to do than mine. I actually love traveling solo, I can do whatever I want on my own time. I’m familiar enough with NYC that I would be fine wandering on my own.

    • I love solo trips to New York! If you know the city and are flexible with where you’ll stay, I’ve had good luck with getting great deals on Hotwire a day or two before I travel.

      • skj84

        I’m pretty open, I’ll have to check out hotwire! My sister works for a hotel chain so I can get discounts, but I do have to be flexible with dates. They are for the times when occupancy is super low. So no weekends usually. I actually prefer to do NYC during the week. Or Sunday, Monday.

        • I’ve gotten some really good deals for the financial distract on the weekends, since the business travelers aren’t there.

          • Very true. I’ve seen rates around $100/night for perfectly acceptable hotels in the financial district on weekends.

    • Sounds great — but scary to be there when the explosion happened. Glad you are okay!
      I’ll be taking a trip there in October–looking super forward to going.

      • skj84

        Yeah. We were nowhere near it when it happened thank goodness. It was unnerving for a bit while info was coming in. I admit I kinda freaked out, I was so worried it was going be some sort of pattern attack. But the city went on. People were still out and about like a regular Saturday night which calmed me down. Walked around Chelsea the next day and it was like nothing had happened. Granted I didn’t go anywhere near where the incident happened. NYC in the fall is the best.

        • Ah, I miss NYC. I lived there this summer and will be there long term after school. I am having trouble adjusting back to non-NYC life and really wish I was there to experience fall right now!

        • I lived there for many years before moving here and fall/Christmas time in NYC is nothing short of magical.

  • Rave: Last week’s vacation in AZ was amazing and I’m so happy that my boyfriend and I travel really well together. I truly feel that we’re laying some solid foundation blocks in our relationship and that’s exciting.
    Rant: Jet lag is real.
    Rant: Today is my 4-year work anniversary and it feels more like a prison sentence than an accomplishment. Now that I’m not traveling for a while, it’s time to start looking hard. So hopefully this one turns into a rave in due time.

  • Rave: Very productive weekend. After the horrible week I had last week I am feeling much calmer about all aspects of my life.
    Rave: Boss is out of the office day.
    Rant: This weather.

    Question: Has anyone been to Bali? There are relatively cheap flights right now so we are considering it for our honeymoon but I don’t know anyone who has actually been. It looks beautiful but some of the comments online said it’s great place to party but not so much to relax.

    • justinbc

      Bali is still nice if you get far out. They don’t have the infrastructure to support the amount of tourism they’ve experienced over the past decade, and most of the beautiful shots you see conveniently crop out how ugly the pollution to the water and streets has become.

    • My secretary went to Bali last year and loved it. She indicated that it had a serious party vibe, and was more expensive than anticipated. Basically, it’s Cancun for Aussies.

      A good friend did his honeymoon in Fiji. He thought it was amazing, and had a very chill vibe. Maybe that’s an option.

    • Go to Lombok. It’s right next to Bali and more peaceful, less crowded.

      I was in Bali during the high season (between Christmas and new years) a couple years ago. Crazy number of people, really bad traffic everywhere. Beaches were nothing special.

      It does have some cool Hindu temples though….

      • +1.
        If you must go to Bali, go to Ubud. But honestly, the Caribbean is cleaner, closer and just as pretty.

        • I’m not opposed to the Caribbean but I’m concerned about Zika since they don’t seem to have much long term data on the virus. We checked the CDC’s website over the weekend and Zika is in the majority of the Caribbean islands. But maybe I’m just being paranoid…

    • Going inland/away from beaches could be relaxing but if you’re looking for a beach destination I’d look elsewhere.
      I’d second recommendation for Fiji (if you can find a reasonable flight)

    • Bali is amazing! I fell in love with it during our honeymoon and went back a year later. It’s magical. You can definitely avoid the party vibe if you want. I would recommend staying at a place in the rice fields of Ubud for a bit and then hopping a boat to the islands, either Lombok (as someone suggested) or the Gili Islands (Gili Air was our favorite, very chill and absolutely beautiful). There are a ton of really amazing resorts and rentals in Ubud. Look at the pictures. It’s absolutely stunning and the people are so amazing. It’s very reasonably priced to travel/stay within the country while you are there. Highly recommend.

    • Lived in indo for years. go to Lombok instead ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks all! It sounds like Bali isn’t exactly what we’re looking for but Ubud and Lombok look amazing! Fiji is a good option as well but the flights are pretty pricey.

    • Think about exactly what you want from a honeymoon/vacation. Many people get caught up in the idea of an exotic location, when in fact, they could be entirely happy with something closer. How long do you have? What do you actually like to do? If you have only a week and want to swim, laze on the beach, snorkel/scuba and maybe do a little historical sites, the Caribbean, Mexico, Central America is much better. I’ve seen so many people go to places like Tahiti or Hawaii, when they would have been much happier (and spend way less) just doing an all-inclusive week in the Dominican Republic. Bali is a 20+ hour door to door trip. Add in a couple of days on either end to recover from the long flight, and it could be kind of miserable.

  • Rant: The Beach Dr. construction project started today.
    Rave: My commute down 16th St. (at about 8:30) only took about 5 minutes longer than usual. I’m cautiously optimistic.

  • justinbc

    Rave: Snallygaster was surreal this year.
    Rant: Couldn’t make it to H Street Festival (see: Rave above).
    Rant: Also missed what looked like a great day of college football, based on the scores.
    Rave: Rain, plants desperately needed it.

  • Rave – Fun weekend doing a lot of volunteer work for the Washington Humane Society and hanging out with adorable, adoptable pups. I wanted to take them all home with me!
    Rant – The summery weather. I’m so over being sweaty and sun burnt. I want fall and I want to wear sweaters, jackets, and my new boots.

    • Oh! Snuggling puppies sounds wonderful! And I 100% agree on your rant. I am sooooo sick of this hot, muggy, disgusting weather. So very sick of it.

  • Rave: Weekend workshop on mycology was excellent, mini-mushroom farm (pearl oysters growing on coffee grounds) on my dining room table and syringes with spores of different mushrooms in my refrigerator.
    Rant-ish: Ought to buy a pressure cooker for sterilization but I’m afraid it will explode.
    Rave: Unsubscribing and deleting email – at least my inbox is getting organized.
    Rant: Can’t say the same for my office.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: late to work today because I just could not get out of bed.
    Rave: office mate brought me a smoked egg, tasted very bacony.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Bonus Rant: More Rx drama. I would like to just change the Rx to something my insurance is more inclined to cover. But the doctor is out today, so I can’t ask him to change it.

  • Rave: Had a nice, if short, trip to Philly for my brother’s girlfriend’s baby shower! They got so many gifts that halfway through my brother was looking sort of dazed, wondering where in the hell in their tiny rowhouse they’re going to fit all that stuff!
    Rant: GF is feeling slightly frustrated that BF hasn’t read the 400-page book she got on labor and all it’s stages. With the amount of work he’s doing, I’m not at all surprised that reading a treatise on labor hasn’t been high on his priority list, but he also hasn’t had time to attend classes with her, so I can understand her feeling a bit alone in all of this. Does anyone know of a good resource geared towards partners to help them know and understand the process of labor, how to help, etc? Something short, sweet, easily understandable? My brother is by no means dumb, but at this stage in his life he needs something easy to read/watch/listen to so he can get the hang of things in the little bit of downtime that he has…

    • I would recommend hiring a doula! My partner just wasn’t the kind of person who was going to read a treatise or sit through a weeks long birthing class. I knew that even before I got pregnant (he’s also not the kind of dad who reads anything about parenting – he has learned on the job). So the compromise was we did the day long crash course with the nurse practitioner in our OB practice and hired a doula. Having someone there who had attended multiple births and could “normalize” what was happening was so valuable.

      This also looks like a decent cheat sheet: http://www.babycenter.com/0_a-childbirth-cheat-sheet-for-dads-to-be_8244.bc

      • Agreed on the doula–and that could really take the pressure off.

        • The have hired a doula already, at my sister-in-law’s recommendation, and I know she’ll be a huge help, but I think that my almost-sister-in-law is just feeling overwhelmed right now and wants to know that my brother is there for her. Which he is, but he’s not really good with “medical” things, so I think part of it is his own reluctance to delve into “icky” bits, and part of it is unrealistic expectations of what he can do in a given day.

          • “Which he is, but heโ€™s not really good with โ€œmedicalโ€ things, so I think part of it is his own reluctance to delve into โ€œickyโ€ bits…”
            I’ll be honest, I can totally relate with your brother here, so I don’t blame him for being adverse to it. Everyone has their own level of tolerance for this stuff, and it’s probably pretty simple to be a man and avoid the “icky” bits. Frankly, I would also prefer to avoid hearing about the details of pregnancy since my ickiness tolerance is pretty much zero, but I don’t ever plan to have kids so….

          • Fair point, FridayGirl, but he’s also the father–and his girlfriend doesn’t have a choice about going through the process. She deserves to have his support. Mtpwife was squeamish about the process as well, but made sure to learn the things she needed to so she could support me–and she was fabulous both times–especially the second time when labor hit hard, suddenly, in the middle of the night, and our doula took a little longer to get to the house than expected.
            As far as being reluctant to deal with “icky” things, just wait until the diapers need changing–especially the early ones. As a soon-to-be parent, he doesn’t really have the luxury of avoiding “icky” or medical.

          • oh, I agree, there’s no way he can avoid some of this stuff, and he’s not about to dodge diaper duty – it’s more things that involve blood, he gets really lightheaded and needs to sit down, or at least he has in the past. Hopefully he’ll rise to the occasion now!

          • He can absolutely support her w/o needing to get into the blood & guts of the delivery. Much of the supporting is emotional, and another large chunk is helping through contractions. He definitely doesn’t need to be “where the action is,” so to speak, if he doesn’t want to be. Mtpwife stayed by my head when mtpbaby was born, and that was just fine ๐Ÿ™‚

          • I would recommend they talk with doula about their birth plan and expectations for the day. Of course, the plan is just a guideline, and one has to be flexible and realistic (our labor did NOT go as planned in so many ways). But talking about fears and expectations of one another can be immensely helpful. My partner is really squeamish and stayed at my head through labor. Our birth plan was to have a healthy baby, keep partner from fainting or puking, and for me to come through whole or in pieces that could be put back together relatively easily. Just talking about it and having the chance to tell my partner what I wanted and needed from him was so helpful in putting us both at ease. Our doula was really good at facilitating that conversation. And I did feel fully supported through labor as a result.

      • Thanks Artemis!

    • Ha! Give him my number, I’ll give him a crash course.
      Seriously though, The basics he *needs* to know is be there for her in whatever way she needs him to be, know what plan she has (versus what the books say – chances are she has a specific plan), and know how to advocate for that. He doesn’t really need to know all the ins and outs of it to be a supportive partner.

    • Maybe I’m just rationalizing my own laziness but I somehow got through two pregnancies as a reasonably supportive boyfriend/husband without plowing through any 400 page textbooks. Surely there is a much shorter book/video available on Amazon/the web that will, from a practical standpoint.

      • I agree – do you have any good resources you can think of off the top of your head?

        • justinbc

          Forgive my ignorance, never having gone through it, but what exactly does she need him to know? If there are certain critical things, maybe she could just tell him? Is it really necessary to read a manual if you’re main duty is to support the one actually doing it?

          • IMO, it’s about the other future parent appearing interested and committed to the very big thing that his partner can’t ignore or avoid.
            It can feel kind of galling to be pregnant and anxious while the other half is enjoying the 10-month break between his initial contribution and the first diaper he has to change.

          • I personally don’t think reading an entire manual re: the stages of labor is necessary to supporting someone through it, but I am also not a pregnant person whose hormones are fluctuating wildly and feeling nervous about many aspects of this birth. I think the Cliff Notes version is entirely appropriate, but again, I’m not the one who is pregnant!

          • HaileUnlikely

            As a general matter, irrespective of the subject at hand, if you want a normal person who is presently not at all knowledgeable about a subject to be able to be a helpful participant in something that revolves around that subject and you want that person to get himself or herself to the point of being able to be helpful solely by reading something, the reading material needs to be comprehensible by a non-expert. It is possible that the 400-page manual in question is, but I’d bet against it.

          • No, it’s not necessary to read a manual. Like wdc says, I suspect this really is not about him needing to know all about labor and childbirth, but about her feeling like he is interested and involved. I mean it’s important for him to work because you do need money to support a family but she also needs to feel like he’s there with her.

          • I think wdc hit the nail on the head–appearance of interest and commitment can go a long way. Is there a single-day or weekend crash course in their area that he can attend? A 400 page book may not work for him, but his girlfriend would likely feel a lot better if he did *something*.

          • Just a thought – has he been supportive thus far? Like, going to doctor’s appointments and things like that? Is she wanting him to read the manual because she doesn’t feel like he has been supportive thus far, and she feels like this will be the way that he can show his interest/commitment/support?

          • justinbc

            Yeah, as Anonamom touched on, surely there are better ways to prove he’s “there” for her without having to read something which (by the way it sounds) will largely have little personal effect on him. It sounds more like a test than true commitment, but that’s also basing it off knowing nothing else about this couple. Maybe that’s what works for them…

          • I agree that this is more about her wanting to know he’s there for her, but I think they’re not on the same page with what that looks like. I’m hopeful that if he can read a few articles and attend some classes, she’ll feel more sure of his commitment to her and the baby. But from his perspective, he’s frantically trying to get the house livable, fighting with the landlord to make repairs, and working 6 days a week to help support them. It’s just a tough time for many couples, and this is a couple who I thought were through for sure back in February. So it’s been a crazy 7 months – him getting clean and sober, her being shocked by this pregnancy, their decision to make this work. It feels scary and tenuous sometimes. And I wish I could help more, but living down here makes that hard. Plus, I’m not necessarily privy to a lot of stuff, nor do I need to be.

          • LBP, sounds like they’ve got a lot going on. And to advocate for him, to be fair it sounds like he’s doing a lot of stuff that is for the benefit of the couple. So while it might not be exactly the form she would choose, she could also recognize that he is possibly playing to his strengths as his way to contribute. And quite frankly it’s possible that they won’t get on the same page for a while, and that’s actually fine if they both can at least see that they’re trying. Of course I don’t know anything about their situation or if any of what I’m saying applies or how close you are to her, but some perspective might help her more than getting him to read a book.

          • Anonymous 1:21, I completely agree – I am trying not to favor any sides, and I can totally appreciate her anxiety in trying to make sure everyone is prepared, but I also see it from his perspective that he’s doing what he feels is the most practical, helpful thing right now. I guess I could call her and offer my ear in terms of, if she wants to talk to someone about all this baby stuff, I’m hear to listen (not that I have any real knowledge or experience, but I’m willing to be an ear). Not sure if that would help at all but I guess I can offer, if that could help take some of the pressure off my brother temporarily.

          • It’s about him taking equal responsibility for something they are doing together. She wants an informed partner who can help her make decisions about drugs, induction, hospital vs home birth, prenatal testing, birth plan, etc. Why should she bear sole responsibility for researching and reading about pregnancy (and then spoon-feeding him the “critical things”)?

            Anyway, per the actual question, I thought this book was great: https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702
            There is good stuff on the Mayo Clinic website too: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/basics/labor-and-delivery/hlv-20049465

        • Not sure what type of delivery your brother’s girlfriend is aiming for, but natural childbirth in a hospital setting is a shorter book and pretty easy to get through–he can also probably focus on the chapters that deal with the laboring process and getting through contractions.

        • It’s been many years and so I can’t recall what I read through. I also went to coaching classes, which filled in a lot of blanks.
          I agree that being supportive is pretty critical, i just think that there are (a lot of) ways to show support besides reading a ridiculously detailed book.

          • +1 to “I agree that being supportive is pretty critical, i just think that there are (a lot of) ways to show support besides reading a ridiculously detailed book.”
            LBP, you mentioned that your brother hasn’t had time to attend classes with his GF. Are there still classes remaining in whatever course(s?) she’s in? Could he go to those?

          • textdoc, I think there are a number of classes left and he’s going to try to attend one or more of them. Not sure of all the details, though. And yes, I think there are lots of ways to show support – I think it’s just hard when one person is fixated on that support coming through in a very specific way, which may not line up with with what the other person is thinking / can do…

    • Just do like I did, and just act like you care about all birth stuff. All she wants is to feel like hes actually involved and cares.

      During the birth (if your just having your normal hospital birth), it wont be much for him to do anyway, just following the nurses and doctors orders.

      I stayed by her head, as I didnt want to see any thing going on down there. (Im pretty sure, I would never be able to look at it the same again, if I did.)

      • Did you not actually care? I don’t really get the attitude in this thread that labor and delivery are solely the pregnant woman’s problem. Don’t you want to learn about the process so you can help make decisions and be informed in case (god forbid) something goes wrong?

        • Aside from H, I didn’t really get the impression that labor and delivery are solely the pregnant woman’s problem (with the caveat that I can understand someone who is not pregnant being squeemish about it, which is why I don’t plan to have kids — but LBP’s brother is already way beyond that…).
          Although I do think we can agree that H’s attitude makes me sad for his/her partner.

    • I’d recommend the book The Birth Partner – it’s very practical and a pretty quick read, and it’s all about how to support the laboring partner.

      • Thanks!

      • I think that was the one that put us both off books during pregnancy. My husband tried to read it, and then he got to the part about supporting breastfeeding. Something about using a hairdryer on sore breasts, but sometimes ice. He said he was picturing himself standing there with ice in one hand and a hairdryer in the other, while suppressing his instinct to just ask, or to take the baby and walk her or something, and it felt so fake and stupid that he quit then and there.
        Luckily, my mate came pre-programmed with parenting instincts, and was more gung-ho about it the whole project than I was. Others’ experience may vary.

        • Oh, but we both liked Be Prepared. It’s a book for dads-to-be written in the style of a boy scout handbook. With diagrams. It’s funny and informative and to-the-point. But it’s more about babies than about pregnancy and delivery.

        • “He said he was picturing himself standing there with ice in one hand and a hairdryer in the other” — Wondering how long before he managed to electrocute himself?

    • Not a fashionable opinion at all, but childbirth is seriously horrifying to watch Yes, miracle of life and all that – and you get the baby – but it is still awful to endure and/or watch. Of course partners should be kind during the craziness of pregnancy and there to support during birth, but there is no need to read 400 pages of anything to be compassionate. If my partner breaks his foot I don’t have to read an orthopedics textbook. Many older women (70-80) I’ve talked to are appalled at the idea of having husbands in the delivery room. You can’t “un-watch” your partner basically squeezing out a goozy cantaloupe.

      • My mom says that when she was giving birth to me (oldest of two children), she was seriously worried that my dad — who’s extremely squeamish — was going to pass out and hit his head on the floor.

    • I’d recommend an online class! Lamaze International has a few – google “Labor Pain Management: Techniques for Comfort and Coping” and the online class should pop up. Short, simple, cheap – but evidence-based and informative. There’s always the option to do more research or learning if this class piques his interest and it might be a good low-stakes way for them to learn some stuff together.

  • Rave: Making sleep progress with mtpbaby. Might try to move towards night weaning soon!
    Rant: Mtpwife and I really need to work on getting up on time. Ugh. Mornings would go much more smoothly if we could get into that habit!
    Rave: Really lovely weekend–time spent with friends, time outside, swim class went great for both kids, etc.

  • Rave: Started from the farmer small box deliveries. My veggie intake has roughly tripled I think, and Im having fun finding new recipes for the stuff I get that Im not using to using. On the weekend, I made awesome corn/zucchini fritters and cauliflower rice for my panko-crusted tilapia. Today, I brought spicy pork and turkey filled butter lettuce wraps, with some fresh peppers for lunch.
    Rant: My cousin is coming to stay with me, I think tomorrow, but hasn’t finalized his itinerary. Annoying! Had to cancel a date given his last minute trip.

  • Rant: Asshole ex being a shitty dad.
    Rave: Kids who seem resilient enough to deal with it all.

  • Rave: Fantastic weekend with great group of girlfriends in DC.

    Rant: Weekend was nearly ruined by an absolutely atrocious AirBnB host who verbally abused me over the phone as we were checking out of her property. But am making a conscious decision to not let that experience ruin an otherwise great weekend.

    • justinbc

      AirBnB hosts depend on good reviews, they’ve got to be a bit off to offend a guest so badly. Hopefully you left them relevant feedback!

    • Whoa, what was she so upset about?

      • I feel like DC is too small a city to share too many details about the experience, but it was completely unwarranted and clearly showed that the she possibly has a history of bullying guests into not leaving bad reviews. Was thinking about just letting it go, but have concluded that as a future potential guest, I would want to know what I was getting myself into.

        • I have a friend who jokes that “there are only 47 people in Washington” and as silly as that sounds, it seems to be close enough to true all to often, especially when you assume otherwise. So, you’re smart to be reserved.

        • Airbnb in DC has over 1600 listings. I don’t know how anyone ever finds a good place, but please help other potential guests by leaving an honest review. Although, from my own experience, ABB doesn’t post less than positive reviews anyway.

    • houseintherear

      Ugh, I’m sorry. Not a great weekend for AirBnB experiences… I am a host and had a couple who were the most entitled people I think I’ve ever met. In short, they didn’t respond to my messages days before their arrival reminding them of check in and check out times, etc., were very mad that I was at work when they arrived 5 hours earlier than check in time on Friday- called repeatedly and left messages (I was teaching and didn’t answer the phone), texted repeatedly with ?!!??!?! after every sentence. I coaxed a neighbor to bring a lock box and her set of keys for them, which was embarrassing and ridiculous. Then yesterday they were very mad that I had to go to bed at 10pm last night and they had to come get their bags (despite check out being at noon Sunday… and us agreeing prior that they would come by 9:30pm to get their bags…). Called saying, “Well we want to enjoy an evening in DC so we don’t see why we should need to come by 9:30 to get our bags!” Well, because we had discussed it earlier and agreed, and because you are not booked to stay that night, and because I get up for work at 5:30am, ya jerks!

      Such a bummer, but don’t let one bad experience put you off AirBnB. This was my 200-somethingth guest experience and really the only bad one I’ve had.

      • HaileUnlikely

        If not for anon saying “group of girlfriends,” I would have wondered if anon was your guest ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • What the heck! That is absolutely ridiculous. I have an automated check-in process (electronic keypad) so guests can come whenever they want as long as it’s after check-in time- but showing up 5 hours early and then demanding to be let in…what if you had another guest checking out that morning? You need time to clean! Also asking to hold bags till 10pm on checkout day is beyond unreasonable. I would have flat out told them no to that request. I hope you gave them the review they are due!
        OP anon, sorry you had that experience. There are SO many options in DC it’s unlikely someone like that will continue to have much business- as long as guests leave honest feedback. Hopefully you also left her the review she is due!

  • Rave: One of those swell city weekends that make you fell glad you’re not out in the sticks somewhere: Shakespeare, “50 Best new Restaurants in America” (The Dabney, which didn’t blow me away, but was pretty good, especially outdoors on a perfect evening), fresh fish, good wine…
    Rant: After reading the review, kind of wish that I’d gone to see AC/DC Saturday night.
    Rave: My best rock and roll buddy offered me one of her tickets to Green Day at the 9:30.

    • I’m holding out hope that a buddy will come out of the woodwork and offer me a Green Day ticket, too. Unfortunately, I don’t think I know anyone who has them…

  • RANT: I genuinely feel stupider since having my baby. He is wonderful and I love being a mom – but I just feel like I am no longer firing on all cylinders at work. Not sure what to do about it – don’t really want to get fired.
    RAVE: We survived our first baby free trip and had a great time in California at a friend’s wedding two weeks ago. We successfully left the baby at my sister’s in NY and he was a total sweetheart and didn’t freak out at all.
    RAVE: Got to eat at arguably one of the world’s finest restaurants in California.
    RAVE: First class upgrades there and back made the trip even more fun!

    • Mom brain is totally a thing–mostly from having 20 other things occupy brain space, plus sleep deprivation. How old is your baby? It does get better with time. Good for you on the trip! Glad you had such a great time!

    • Here’s the awesome thing about your brain post-baby: after your hormones settle down, and you start sleeping regularly, and your kid gets a little bit independent (not even actually independent– just no longer needing you to accomplish basic bodily functions and maintenance)… You will be AMAZED at how efficient you’ve become. You’ll get through a day’s work in a few hours, and then wonder what you’re doing wrong. But you’re not doing anything wrong. You’ve just unlocked a new level of ability.
      Of course, this is about the time that most people have a second baby. : )

      • This is so true!! Sometimes I amaze myself at all I am able to get accomplished, and multi-tasking? I seriously can’t not multi-task anymore. Hang in there, it gets better!

        • Thanks all! My son is 4.5 months old. I’ve been back at work now a little over a month and just feel useless. I am glad that it is likely temporary and that at some point I may function like a real adult again. Babies are lucky they are super cute. ๐Ÿ™‚

          • I promise it gets easier. Baby Artie is six months old. And 4.5 months was such a hard time: major sleep regression, trying to readjust to work and balance home life. He’s sleeping long stretches at night and so am I. Hang in there.

            That said, I still don’t think my work performance is what it was pre-baby. And I have just accepted that it will be that way for the next year or two. The only way I have stayed sane is just to lower my expectations of myself in all areas of my life.

  • justinbc

    Random: Anyone ever lived in Charleston? Debating an offer to move there for a change of scenery. I’ve visited as a tourist for a weekend, but that’s not nearly enough to know how a city compares life-wise.

    • No, but a friend picked up and left the DC area about two years ago and I don’t think he is ever coming back. He joined two (I think) friends who also left DC. He seems to enjoy the area and it doesn’t seem like he is coming back.

    • My in-laws live there (in Mt. Pleasant, the largest suburb), and a good friend was stationed there for a couple of years. Like many southern towns, it can be a bit difficult to break into, but there are a LOT of transplants. I don’t have a sense of the “urban” living situation – there are some tremendous houses and small neighborhoods in the city proper, but my sense is that it’s more a suburban city.

  • Rave: Friend who writes books that win awards and go on the bestseller lists in many countries asked me to do a read-through of his next book before he sends final markup to the publishers. Very flattering, plus, I’m sure it will be a great book.
    Rant: have to read 350 pages in a week and have intelligent commentary. I haven’t done that since cokllege in the 80s.
    Rave: better than 400 pages on labor.

  • Rave: Quiet, rainy day at the office.
    Rave: Restful and lazy weekend.
    Rant: Job search going on who knows how long, 2 years maybe? I do not like my job at all and have applied to well over 100 jobs. I’m tailoring everything, have had career experts workshop my resume, I’m going through networks, and still nothing is panning out. Just not sure what to do now.

    • Are you getting interviews? Are you getting any feedback from recruiters about why hiring managers are passing over your resume? If you aren’t be sure to just come out and ask for it.

    • justinbc

      What field? Is it something that’s really prominent in DC, or just super competitive?

  • Rant: I had my first paint color fail, now I have to hurry up and fix it so I can put my bathroom back together.
    Rave: my friend rented a boat for the day and it was awesome.
    Rant: two of my good friends, who said they would never leave DC, are moving to the ‘burbs. Yes, they’re still in the area, but it’s far enough that it’ll be hard to see them frequently and spontaneously. This might be the last straw for me. Seriously, a year ago I didn’t understand people who said they wanted to leave DC, now I get it. My reasons have zero to do with safety though.
    Rave: starting my project detail today!

    • what burbs? So wait what is your reason? Because friends eventually move out that you would follow? Just curious

      • Virginia burbs.
        My reason is that even though I get paid pretty well, I feel less than mediocre in DC now. Yes, I have a condo, but it’s a tight space and I thought a communal back yard would be okay, but now I just really want my own outdoor space and more room for my dog. If I want to get a stand up paddle board, I want some place to put it.
        I’m also feeling a grass is always greener feeling about dating here.
        I doubt I would follow my friends because their combined income must be at least 4 times my income at this point and I currently work in MD.

        • I’m moving to MD suburbs early next year, so if you move too maybe I’ll still be nearby!

        • justinbc

          I can’t imagine how much more limiting dating in the burbs would be. I don’t know where that ranks on the priority list relative to the other things, but just in terms of volume / variety it’s got to be worse.

          • Oh, I guess I didn’t really make it clear, I doubt I will move to the burbs. I think I would move to another city. Though I do keep looking at listings in Mt Rainier and Hyattsville.

          • Cities I sometimes consider-
            Richmond (cute, not too expensive, not too far to come back and visit my sister/nieces/friends occasionally, I already know a few people there)
            Charlotte (a really good friend who left DC years ago is now moving there, but she’s gonna have a kid soon)
            Nashville (has a hockey team)
            Salt Lake (I don’t know about this one, but it someone suggested it and I might look into it or some other pretty southwestern place)

          • justinbc

            I’m from Charlotte, it’s a fantastic city. If I hadn’t already spent 20 years there I could easily move and love it. Cost of living is super cheap (by comparison), with plenty of high paying salaries so that you can actually get way more for your money if you’re in the right industry. They bounced back from the recession pretty nicely.

          • My best friend lived in SLC for a couple years and loved it. She did find the culture to be a bit of an adjustment (being a non-Mormon) but found dating to be super easy. Apparently non-Mormons are in demand. Then she moved to NYC and says dating is the worst. She also misses the lower cost of living and easy access to nature.

          • justinbc

            IIRC the Mormon population in SLC is about 40%. So while that’s certainly high and they have a big sway over local politics, laws, etc, they are certainly more non-Mormons that you’ll share other common interests with. I think the bigger difference (compared to DC) will be the fact that it’s 95%+ white. There’s almost zero diversity. While you may not ever find yourself dating someone who’s non-white, not even seeing them can be kinda shocking if you’re used to cultures that are more diverse, like DC (and not just black, but the huge wealth of international diversity we have here). Having said that, the access to natural beauty that you can find in all directions from a few hours of SLC is pretty substantial, if you’re an outdoorsy person (and re: dating could easily find someone with similar interests).

          • Yeah, access to nature would great. That’s how SLC made the list, but I hadn’t thought about the diversity issue. There are so many trade offs and so many of them are not monetary that if I do move, it will be a hard choice.
            When I went to Montana last month I also made sure to think about what it would be like to live in those cities. While it’s beautiful, it’s much too cold. I like hiking and SUP and being outside, but most people there are into hunting and fishing, which I’m not.
            I am going to Nashville in October and I’m thinking of it as an opportunity for the city to woo me.

          • I was in Denver last month and apparently they call it ‘menver’ because the ratio of guys to girls is so lopsided (too many guys, not enough gals). Just a thought ๐Ÿ˜‰

          • I spent a long weekend in Nashville and I loved it. Everyone I met was friendly, there’s music everywhere, the food was fantastic and the general vibe was relaxed and low key. But I don’t know if I could live there… it’s an odd mix of southern country hipsters and coolness vibe of the city disappears quickly as you head out of town.
            Have you been to Denver? It’s fun city with amazing access to outdoor activities. I’d seriously consider moving there if it wasn’t so far from my family on the east coast.

          • justinbc

            I’ve heard nothing but awesome things from friends who’ve gone to Nashville, and those who are natives. Another vote for Denver as all around A+ city.

          • From the area around Denver. It’s a great place and tons to do. If I were to ever leave DC, it’d be for Colorado. That said, housing costs are increasing dramatically. And all I’ll say about the men-women ratio is this: The odds may be good, but the goods certainly are odd.

    • It’s true. Everyone who leaves the District says “But it’s just Arlington! I’ll be around all the time!” or “But I’m only a couple blocks from the Rockville Metro, no different than being a couple blocks from the Petworth Metro.” But it NEVER works out that way.

      • +1 to this. At the same time, before you leave DC too, think about how often you’d see said friends in the ‘burbs even if you lived there, too. It might be less often than you think.

        • HaileUnlikely

          I agree with this. For most of my friends who have moved from the city to DC suburbs, the move has been coincident with other major changes in their lives besides moving, such that we probably would have seen each other less anyway.

      • We may be the exception that proves the rule. We chose our neighborhood because it is right over the DC/MD line, and a very large portion of the families we know are in the same boat – used to live in DC, moved for schools, but don’t want either long commutes or to live out in hell-and-gone. I find that most of our lives are still DC-centric than MD-centric – still play youth soccer in Stoddert, default to restaurants in DC, rather than MD, liquor store in DC, etc. I am less likely to get to places outside of NW – it’s more of a hassle now to get to the Hill, or H Street, for example – but Uber does a lot to ameliorate that. We have close ties to a lot of people in DC – the families of my daughter’s best friends and old schoolmates, some of my oldest friends – and we make a real effort to keep them up.

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave/Rant: Busy weekend getting ready to see IDGI Sr at the end of this week. I’ve put all his information into Mint which I will think help him visualize his status. Not looking forward to discussing the fact that I have gone back a year and do not see where the son is paying any rent in the house that Mrs. IDGI owns and the IDGI Srs pay the mortgage. There’s another house where I don’t see any rent incoming, not sure who lives there. I’ll also bring up the electrical bills, which are significant in Florida summers, that have been paid for years for her daughter but are in the IDGI SR’s name. It was past due $671 but I made the July payment this weekend. I also ordered a duplicate bill to be sent to the daughters house which will still show it past due $671. Whoopsie!

    I don’t think any of this will be a surprise to him. Believe me Mrs. IDGI Sr could tell you exactly how much change was under the couch cushions but her income to support them is no longer rolling in.

    Rant: Never put your cat on your shoulder for a pirate-themed selfie for “Talk Like a Pirate Day”.

  • topscallop

    Rant: I’m realizing a friendship of almost 10 years may have run its course. This person has a history of being difficult to get along with but I always rolled with the punches and laughed it off because I wasn’t the target, and even when I was annoyed by certain behaviors it didn’t seem worth the conflict to call them out – especially since the likelihood of change seemed quite low. Now that I’ve experienced it directly it’s making me re-evaluate how unequal the friendship has been and how draining it has been at times. It’s disappointing but I think I’ll be happier in the long run if we downgrade this thing to acquaintances who see each other in small doses.
    Rant: this weather

    • dcgator

      How interesting…I’ve actually had the same experience, but from the other side (although I don’t think I’ve ever had a history of being difficult to get along with; just tend to be too sarcastic/biting in my humor, which can grate on people).
      My “ex-best friend” kind of just dropped me off the face of the earth, though. He took almost a whole year to even get back to me about talking it out (after multiple attempts on my end to reach out, while still trying to accommodate his request for “space”). None of our mutual friends agree with how he did it, and now I actively avoid seeing him anywhere.
      I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think I understand your need to create distance, but please try to go about it in a better way than my “friend.” Be cognizant that both sides need some kind of closure to these things, especially after a relationship of 10 years.

    • Interesting. I always feel that when I see someone I’m friends with treating someone else badly, even if I’m not the target, that I’m implicitly supporting that bad behavior if I don’t say anything about it, or still provide them with the support of my friendship if they don’t stop doing it.

      • topscallop

        Agreed, this is kind of where I’m at. I’m reassessing and remembering instances of catty remarks about other people that I let slide by. I’ve also tolerated so many instances of being talked over or interrupted, one-upped, ignored when I tried to have a conversation but a simultaneous text conversation was more interesting than what I had to say.
        To dcgator’s point, I’m not sure how much this person would notice or care if I create some distance, and right now I feel like a conversation about why I’m doing it would turn into a nasty character-bashing fight that would permanently damage the friendship. If we just see each other less it may be possible to have a better friendship in the long run, and I might feel less intimidated to call out the kind of behavior that frustrates me.

  • Clueless

    Rave: Finally watched “The Revenant” yesterday. Wow, what an incredible story/movie. My love for Leo has been re-ignited.

    • palisades

      Wonderful movie. I am perplexed at the decision to change the story so much from the original. I think it had enough substance without the addition of a wife/child, etc. Either way, Inarritu is one of the best directors working right now.

  • Rant: Companies that waste everyone’s time by not posting the salary range with the position.

    I know, I know…HR wants to control all the cards and get people for the cheapest possible salary and keep the whole thing “black-box”, but I’ve hired people before and I can’t imagine wasting all the time (their time and others) that most companies seem to waste by not posting the appropriate salary range they are willing to pay for a job, especially if you have a laundry list of requirements that indicate that this job is well in my salary requirements, but it isn’t. 12+ years experience, hiring and managing internal teams of 12-15, P&L responsibility of $7 million per year, oh and you want someone with a masters degree too, then you call me and say the job’s salary range maxes out at $120K per year. Yeah, ok then.

    Tweaking my resume and putting together an appropriate cover letter takes me an hour. Going through most byzantine job application websites another hour (what is the point of uploading my resume if your system doesn’t extract all the info so I have to spend another hour typing in all my jobs, education etc).

    I know you don’t care about saving potential applicants hours of their own personal time applying for jobs they aren’t going to be interested in because it requires a 25% salary reduction from my current situation, but you think you would want to save all the effort of the HR folks reviewing resumes, having initial phone interviews etc.

    I guess not.

    Rant Over.

    • At least you found out the max salary in the end. I was talking to an HR person last week who called me and wanted to know what I wanted for compensation, would not accept the notion that working out an acceptable salary won’t be an issue as I am currently unemployed, said they had not yet decided what the position would pay – and yet expected me to guess the right number?
      I find this really unprofessional. But it is a common thing now. It seems like they put the job up for lowest bidder, even before they schedule interviews with the actual people (outside of HR) that you’d be working with. I’m not going to bid against myself. Tell me a range or a number, and then we can talk from there – once I have the job offer, of course.
      Because very often the range doesn’t mean anything anyway – how many times have I known people who negotiated salaries above the supposed maximum anyway?

      • Massachusetts (I think) just made it illegal to require salary history from applicants. Which is a step in the right direction in terms of employment equality. Women and minorities are routinely paid less, still, in 2016, and a big part of that is starting out lower and having all your future salaries depend on that first one.
        I’m in favor of making all pay public, full stop. Secrecy only benefits those that have something to hide.

        • “Iโ€™m in favor of making all pay public, full stop. Secrecy only benefits those that have something to hide.”


        • HaileUnlikely

          The effects of the new law are unknown and very much debatable. I honestly fear that it will make the situation worse, not better. One, it does not forbid applicants from volunteering their salary history without being asked, and employers may well take into account what people volunteer, whether they volunteer, and other correlates of likely past earnings and expectations rather than simply offering everybody with the same measurable qualifications the same salary for the same job irrespective of who the applicant is. I’m not saying that I think the new law is bad, I am just saying don’t celebrate too soon, because things don’t always work out the way we hope they will.

    • justinbc

      I no longer even entertain offers that won’t be up front about the salary range. I realize plenty of people don’t have that privilege / leverage, but once you’ve been in the dirt long enough you don’t want to waste your time with companies who don’t value you the same way you do. There are just too many options in a city with so many jobs.

      • justinbc

        Also, I will add, that Glassdoor has been revolutionary in helping to break down that barrier for a lot of employees. I hope it continues to expand and become almost mandatory for employers to be transparent.

      • Yeah, I agree with that, in principle. But hard to do when you don’t have a job presently. My problem is that they assume (incorrectly) that I want too much. Hello, the long-term unemployed will be grateful to have a job! Yes, they will be able to underpay me v. someone they have to entice to leave a job by offering them a higher salary. Do I like being in this position? No, but it is a fact. (As a woman, I’ve almost always been in this position anyway. We have to accept the reality of the sexist work situation if we want to work and survive.) What kills me is that they think I will “happier” if I have no income, and facing homelessness, than I will be working for less than I made in some previous position that was some time ago. Would these idiots rather starve than work themselves? They pretend they don’t understand reality.
        And, be happy you are in a field/at a place in life where you feel like there are too many options. In most fields, once you reach a certain age or years of experience, the situation is radically different.

        • “What kills me is that they think I will ‘happier’ if I have no income” — Ehh, I doubt that’s actually what they’re thinking. They’re probably concerned that if they hire you at a salary below what you used to have, and/or doing something less interesting/demanding than what you used to do, you’ll jump ship at some point to a more interesting or better-paid job and then they’ll have to go through the hiring (and maybe training?) process all over again.
          I can understand them not wanting to go through the hiring/training process again if it’s a laborious one like in the federal government. But if not, seems like they ought to just hire you now and worry later.

          • Yep, this. It’s a gamble for an employer to hire someone who’s under any kind of pressure to find a new job. Turnover is very costly. We want someone who wants THIS job, as opposed to any old job.
            Which doesn’t comfort you at all, I know. I’m sorry.

          • This is so wrong. If you read the newspaper at all, you know that there are tens of thousands unemployed in my field. And those of us who are older aren’t going to get the few better jobs there are. The truth is that the younger workers with less experience will be the ones to jump to new jobs quickly, over and over, as they are the ones that are more in demand. Can’t understand why people keep repeating this stupid claptrap reasoning.

          • Traning? Please – I’ve never had it. Smart and highly educated people just come in and do what needs to be done. And I’m highly experienced in exactly what this job requires. Not federal – hiring is very easy in the private sector. And who’s to say it isn’t a job I want? It is.

          • “Smart and highly educated people just come in and do what needs to be done.” That depends very much on the job and field; I included it so as to cover all the bases for hiring situations in which it might be relevant.
            I understand that you’re frustrated, but if the chip on your shoulder comes across as much in your interviews as it does it these few posts, it may be undermining your efforts.

    • I once applied for an engineering position that didn’t include a salary range. At the interview that had me take a typing speed test and an Excel proficiency exam, which was odd, and then they gave me an offer with a salary in the 30’s (about half of what an junior-level engineer should be making). I think someone must have said “Hey it’s a woman! She’d make a great secretary!” I was pissed that I’d taken half a day off of work for THAT.

      • I am like 85% sure that you interviewed with my old company. If so, it had nothing to do with you being a woman and everything to do with being incredibly cheap.

    • This was part of what attracted me to the federal government, which posts salary ranges for each job listing.
      (Although when USAJOBS lists a salary range, it’s not particularly transparent about the fact that if you’re hired from outside government, it will usually be at Step 1 at a particular GS grade, and the salary at the high end of the listed range is the highest step level of the highest possible GS grade.)

      • At my GS levels, which are the higher ones for people with experience, everybody I know tells me you get hired at about the mid-point of the range anyway, so that’s what to expect, they say.

    • You come off pretty full of yourself ‘it maxes out in six figures’ Rolls eyes. Clearly whatever you are doing currently, may be paying a lot but you are still looking for a new job so maybe the $$$ isn’t everything. Companies arent tailoring their jobs for a particular applicant so it just sounds like you should move along. It doesn’t look like you wasted much time at all in the grand scheme of things. I am a much lower level person who’s interviewed for 20+ jobs in 5 years. I am blessed with all the opportunities i have had and the people who have given me a chance in this city.

    • $120k sounds right. That’s a ton of money.

Comments are closed.