Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

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You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

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169 Comment

  • Rant: I just can’t. How do you rant about anything after yesterday?
    Rant: Well, here’s one…how does someone with previous federal investigations for links to terror get an AR15? This country is ridiculous.
    —-
    much love during pride and always….

    • Let’s broaden the second rant. How is anyone in this country, period, allowed to purchase any semi-automatic or automatic weapons?

      • Clinton was on CNN this morning and I was shocked, SHOCKED at how lax Florida gun laws are. You can pretty much purchase any weapon as long as you haven’t been convicted of a crime, and you can get an AR-15 ASAP b/c it’s a weapon you need two hands with. So you’d have to wait like 3 days for a handgun for example. You don’t need a license, there’s no limit as to how many guns you can purchase at one time. As Little Blue Penguin said, 20 children were murdered and nothing changed. I don’t see things changing now, which is incredibly sad.

        • he was a wife beater. If that were something taken seriously and turned in, perhaps there’d have been a different outcome.

          • +1. I wish we had better protocols to protect women in situations like this. I personally know someone who was a victim of domestic violence and regrets never turning the guy because she was scared she would be beaten/killed if his guns were taken away.

      • oh i definitely agree but “how did someone on a watch list do_____” comes up first. I don’t understand our culture. I don’t think I ever will.

      • Agreed. But sadly, there are people who genuinely believe that Americans should be able to buy these weapons legally. I literally had someone comment “geez, it was the man behind the gun” last night on FB. Yep. The man behind the gun who legally purchased a weapon despite being on an FBI watch list. Because until you are convicted of a crime, you can legally purchase these guns. Cause, well, ‘Murica.
        I am so sick of having to explain to my kids why shit like this happens.

        • Yep. Although there weren’t any posts like that in my Facebook feed, I saw someone responding to a friend’s post who said that he was more scared by the prospect of people not being able to arm themselves against a tyrannical government (or some wording to that effect) than he was of another incident like this happening.

          • This is one of the excuses that pro-gun people give that I cannot understand. Let’s presume their “the government is coming” paranoia is justified. So, the government of the United States, armed with nuclear, biological and any amount of traditional weapons, could clearly be stopped by a regular guy with an AR-15.

            Okay….

          • Many in the target demographic aren’t this rationally gifted, I’m afraid. Fear and xenophobia have long been used as highly effective methods of mass control.

  • Rant: Where to even start? I can’t even begin to describe how sad, frustrated and angry I am. I’m tired of waking up to news alerts that innocent lives have been ended because a warped, twisted person somehow (LEGALLY or illegally) acquired guns for which there should be absolutely no reason to ever, ever own. And nothing will change. Our politicians will try to soothe with platitudes about “thoughts and prayers,” and yet continue to look the other way while organizations slip money into their pockets for their silence or ineffectiveness. And nothing will change. But really, we should know this by now. If the murder of 20 little children in Newtown, CT wasn’t enough, then nothing will be enough. I despair, utterly and truly. We are lost. We are hopeless.

  • Accountering

    Tomorrow is voting day! I know most are excited to vote for HRC or Sanders, so have at it, but in the At Large vote, PLEASE consider voting for Robert White. Whether you prefer White or Garber, the important thing is that Vincent Orange is defeated. White is currently better known, has all of the endorsements, and has spent a lot more money. He has traction throughout the city and has a shot to beat Orange. Orange got elected four years ago when progressives split the vote between Biddle (inferior) and Shapiro (excellent candidate IMO)
    .
    This year, White and Garber are both excellent, but White will outperform Garber based on the above, so please consider voting for him, to get rid of Orange. (/soapbox)

  • Weird rant: my pup and I witnessed they MOST CRAZY crime/accident ever around the corner from our house (Bloomingdale/Truxton). Short version: two dudes fighting in a car, dragging each other out of car screaming and punching, passenger jumps into drivers seat, steals car, floors it, turns wrong way down 1-way street and plows head on into a car at the stop sign. Little girl in the car takes a big hit to the head, airbags deploy in both cars, car thief takes off running down the street, all while I stand there watching in disbelief. Neighbors come out, call 911, cops eventually show up and find thief hiding in alley 1 block away. I identified him. Victims in car that were hit had limited english proficiency, little girl was too scared to go with EMTs. Luckily I was able to translate until a spanish-speaking cop showed up. Very crazy ending to a weird, sad weekend. Thank God there weren’t more injuries. I hope DC prosecutes this guy to the full extent that the law allows, but I’m not optimistic.

    • Wow, that’s crazy. Props to you for identifying the thief and translating for the victims.
      .
      Do you know whether the little girl went with the EMTs in the end (after the Spanish-speaking cop showed up)?

      • No, we finally convinced her to get in the ambulance with them, they checked her out, but she didnt want to go to the hospital. The EMTs recommended that she go later with her parents, which I relayed to them, but I doubt they will follow through. They were pretty shaken up, as you can imagine. The EMTs were worried about a concussion, so I hope the parents do some medical follow up, but who knows.

    • Where did this happen, exactly? (Sounds like around 1/Q?)

  • Rant: the shooting in Orlando. My thoughts are with the victims and their families. This sad and senseless act of violence is so horrible. What the hell is wrong with folks that they have to get an assault rifle and drive over 100 miles from home to shoot up a club full of folks that didn’t do a thing to you?
    Rave: Creepy security guard was MIA this morning. He could just be sick or was given the pink slip for harassing someone else.
    Rant: Didn’t get much sleep last night so I am barely awake this morning.
    Rant: Have to work off site on Thursday . Have had all kinds of issues from getting past security to logging in to my computer there during the previous 4 weeks that I have been there. Hopefully I’ll have better luck on Thursday.

    • Can you tell creepy security guard to stop (doing whatever he is doing)?

      • I would tell him to stop calling me “baby” and “darling” and asking me about my work schedule but I’m so scared of the response. He is bigger than me. Also, I’m afraid he may try to prevent me from getting into my work building on some bogus claim if I say anything.

      • Or tell your office manager or facilities person or whoever has the relationship with the building management. Especially if you feel unsafe telling him directly. The building management will probably take this seriously.

        • Yes, this.
          If you don’t say something, the behavior will continue
          If you don’t feel safe saying something directly, talk to building management
          They have an obligation to take this seriously

  • Rant: Orlando. Homophobia. Gun violence.
    Rave: I’m going to a conference in Orlando next week and people are trying to get a blood drive going at the convention center, and possibly an event to raise money. It’s great to see the profession banding together to support the city we’re going to.

  • Rant: Orlando. Its like my brain can’t even process what happened, i’ve reached the point where I can’t even deal. Doing so hurts my heart, my head and my stomach. When I saw the news I hoped it was a hoax. I had the same reaction I had to Columbine 16 years ago, to Virginia Tech 10 years ago, the childish hope that it wasn’t as bad as it was being reported. And of course it was much, much worse. I know we shouldn’t live in fear. But this just makes it so much harder.

    Rave: The outpouring of love and support at Pride this weekend. I marched for the first time, and seeing all those people out in solidarity warmed my heart. Love wins. Love will always win.

    Question: I want to donate blood for Orlando. What is the likelihood that my donation would get used? Or would it mostly be a donation in solidarity? I want to do something tangible.

    • I think blood donations are always needed — I’m sure a D.C. blood bank would be happy to get your blood.
      .
      In Orlando the lines to donate blood are so long that the blood banks are asking people to come back in a few days.

    • The likelihood of your donation being used is 100%. It may not be sent to Orlando, but the blood banks are constantly looking for donors. I think it is still tangible to donate blood, even if it is used here. I believe Equality Florida also set up a GoFundMe page.

      • The other thing you can do is vote. Even if you live in DC, where we can’t do much at the national level, vote for candidates that do more than just the “thoughts and prayers” route. Vote for candidates that want action on gun violence and LGBT rights.

      • This. Blood donations are always needed. Your blood may not go to a direct victim of this attack, but your donation will absolutely be used.

    • That One Guy

      Donating blood, while noble,is run like a business. At the end of the day someone has to buy your blood. Donate your time to a worthwhile cause, that will likely have a longer impact.

      • Or give money to an organization that uses donations responsibly (check Charity Navigator)

        • I’ve been trying to research groups to send money. I am very careful about donating, there are a lot of scams out there. Anyway Equality Florida seems to be the place to donate to, they’ve set up a Go Fund Me for the victims and survivors. However they are not ranked by Charity Navigator, so I’m going to wait a bit on donating to them.

          • and because I was curious, I looked on Charity Navigator for Equality Florida. They have a 3 star rating, 77.3% of their expenses went to program funds

          • need to add —- 3 stars out of a possible 4 stars —-

          • PDleftMtP

            The CN star ratings are tough, but 77.3 is not that good – that’s actually a 2-star for use of resources plus 4 stars fro transparency.

          • HaileUnlikely

            These kinds of measures (% spent on “program” vs salaries/fundraising/etc) almost inevitably favor larger organizations over smaller ones, and favor organizations who do things like drop airplanes full of food or medical supplies in developing countries over organizations whose output is professional services performed domestically, and they give virtually no insight into the marginal percentage for each additional dollar donated. I wouldn’t tell anybody to ignore such data, but I would not encourage anybody to give it too much weight, either.

          • I was trying to find out information for donations to The Center, which seems to be the nickname for The GLBT Community Center of Central Florida. From news reports, it looks like they are trying to do a lot to care for people in the aftermath. But I wasn’t able to find info on them from Charity Navigator.

        • If they are a registered non-profit, you can look at their tax form 990 to see how much they receive in donations/grants and how much they spend on salary/fundraising.
          Charity Navigator has information on how to research charities that aren’t listed (many reputable charities aren’t listed) – search: Evaluating Charities Not Currently Rated by Charity Navigator

          • Getting evaluated by CN is pretty labor intensive. A lot of small organizations doing great work don’t have the staff time to go through their process.
            Also, an organization has to have filed 990s for seven consecutive years. If a newbie bookkeeper filed a 990 EZ one year (totally legit) the clock re-sets and it’ll be ANOTHER seven years before the org is eligible.
            Also, everything Haile said.

      • Perhaps this is the case, I am really not sure. But what I am sure of is that medical centers cannot conjure up type-specific blood when they need it. I would imagine the trickle down effect from all of the supply centers in the southeast is much larger than we realize.
        .
        Donate however you choose; however, telling someone not to donate blood in the middle of a national medical crisis is ridiculous.

      • This comment is very confusing to me. Are you suggesting that because there is a cost associated with receiving a blood transfusion, that people should not donate blood?

  • Rant: Goes without saying, Orlando. These shootings keep happening in places where people feel so safe. For so long, gay bars and clubs were the only places people could safely be themselves, and here we have this. The shooter’s father even said that his son was incensed by seeing two men kissing, and that’s what probably lead to this horrible, senseless tragedy. We have come so, so far and yet we are really so far away.

  • Rant: Orlando. I can’t even begin to explain where my brain is with this.
    Rant: I’m tired of the “thoughts and prayers.” I want action.
    Rave: People actually responding to the event with love and kindness. The photos of the lines of people trying to donate blood gives me hope.

  • Hi Everyone – I’m a downtown Orlando native. If you’re interested in assisting, I encourage you to visit The Center’s website: http://www.thecenterorlando.org/ They are providing grief counseling, financial assistance, etc., to those affected.
    Rave: My hometown pulling together. <3
    Thank you.

  • SusanRH

    Rant: This is the second worse terror attack on US soil. What changes did we make after the first: reinforced cockpit doors, completely changed how we go through security for a flight, the Patriot Act took away the right to privacy, etc. What changes will we make for the second worst terror attack? Will we close the gun show loophole? Will we ban people on the terror watch list from purchasing guns? Will be ban the sale of semi automatic rifles? Will we ban the sales of high capacity magazines? My money is one we do nothing at all and the NRA wins again.

    • justinbc

      Nothing will change. Too much money has been pumped into misinformation for far too long.

    • I’m hoping that America’s fear of terrorists might actually be enough to overcome the NRA’s clout. After San Bernardino, Republicans were put in the awkward position of having to defend why someone on the no-fly list should be allowed to buy a weapon, and they’re going to be in a similar position now.
      .
      Maybe the fear of terrorists will succeed where the massacre of 20 little kids failed?

      • You’re not seeing things from their perspective. Fear of terrorism is a reason *why* citizens need to have guns.

        • I guess… but unless everyone totes their AR-15 around with them, what chance do they have against a terrorist like Omar Mateen?
          .
          I’m hoping this will lead to an assault-weapons ban and changing the background check process to flag people on the FBI’s watchlist.

          • that’s what the NRA wants. Everyone to be armed all the time.

          • Yup, I agree with you, but many/most(?) pro-gun people draw an opposite conclusion from the same set of facts. And the threat of terrorism (i.e. the threat of someone “not like them” attacking “people like them”) is actually going to make pro-gun people want even more a way to “protect themselves” from attack. If anything will turn their perspective (it won’t) I think it has to be “people *like* them” attacking each other.
            .
            I think more guns just makes it more likely that people are going to shoot each other, regardless of real threats or perceived threats, but the NRA & co. believe the opposite. And there are lots of people (including many of our fellow DC residents) that don’t want to be without a gun if there’s someone else with a gun.

          • It’d be kinda hard to dance in a club with your AR-15.

  • houseintherear

    Question: Casey Trees is coming to survey my property and see if I’m eligible for a shade tree. Anyone have experience with them and could give me a rec for a type of tree to plant? I’m sooooo tree dumb, and soooo lazy re: researching stuff.

    • I’ve had a great experience with Casey Trees!

      Will the tree be in full sun, part sun/part shade or full shade? And are you looking for a tall (+60′) medium sized (30 – 60′) or small (under 30′) tree?

      • houseintherear

        It’s in a yard on the west side of the house without a building close by, so it gets pretty straight sun in the afternoons. I honestly cannot decide on size, so probably medium is best..? or small? I have pets that use the yard so it would be great if the tree was not fruiting or didn’t drop much…

        • Knowing where you live, get a large tree pretty pretty please with a cherry on top? Planted far enough from your house, it shouldn’t cause foundation issues (pretty sure there are no basements there – right?), and it would provide shade for all the neighbors too! 😉

          • houseintherear

            Ahh a secret neighbor! Ok I can do that. 🙂 No basements- houses are up on slabs. I’ll see what they say… chances are, they’ll suggest a large tree anyway.

          • Tall tree = lots of great options!
            Pin Oak (and other oaks)
            Tulip tree
            Hackberry
            .
            The folks from Casey Trees can help you figure out the right tree for your yard

      • Do you like evergreens? Eastern Red Cedar (great habitat for birds)
        Or, sweetbay magnolia (fragrant blooms in spring)
        Redbud (gets wide)
        Tupelo (slow growing, compact shape)
        Paw-paw (may eventually fruit, but doesn’t drop fruit like serviceberries or mulberries)

  • Revel: I had an amazing time during pride weekend, running in the 5k Friday (I managed to run the entire way, but it was very slow at points – my official time was 39:20, eep!) and marching in the parade Saturday with the Jewish groups
    Rant: So much progress made but then the giant step back with Orlando.
    Rant: I wasn’t able to make it to the street festival yesterday
    Revel: Because I bought a new car! This will be my first car that isn’t 10+ years old or under $3,000 when bought. Look at me adulting.

  • Ok, America, you’ve got your right to bear arms. Now where’s that well-regulated militia?? If you aren’t on board with being drafted to fight the king, then you can’t have a gun. The two go hand in hand, and there is no other rational way to interpret the 2nd amendment.
    Also, why is there no insurance requirement? If I were the queen of the insurance industry, I would be lobbying SO HARD to require all gun owners to carry liability insurance, just like we do with cars. And you can’t get the insurance without training and a background check. And some portion of their premiums would go to a public fund to clean up the messes their toys make. Or better yet, prevent them.

  • Rave: Braden Holtby. It was nice to see someone do something cause he actually cares/supports it vs. getting publicity (which so many pro athletes are all about). I fully expected him to show up and ‘be there’, not drape himself in a flag. Good for him.

    • Accountering

      Agree – he is an awesome dude. Just need him to make a couple more clutch saves in the play-offs, and I am ready to put up a statue of the guy.

    • Was so psyched to see him! Ditto on the flag-cape being awesome. Also was prepared with an old Holtby Hershey Bears t-shirt and a sharpie–managed to snag an illegible signature along the parade route 🙂

  • What is the anti-NRA? I have no idea how to make my voice heard. They say that the NRA has 4 million members, well how can I show my support for gun control?

    • Accountering

      Brady Center to prevent gun violence is probably the biggest, unfortunately their resources are dwarfed by the NRA. NRA raises something like 50X more dollars than Brady Center.

    • There is also Everytown for Gun Safety, which I believe is backed by Michael Bloomberg,

  • Rant: Well, it’s obviously beyond a rant, but ugh Orlando. Not just the club shooting, but Christina Grimmie shot dead Friday night. My wife and I just saw her perform in Toronto a couple months ago. She was such a young, vibrant woman. To think I was just in DC on Saturday celebrating Pride and then this happens. Just beyond comprehension.
    Rave: Back in Toronto…it was a fun week back in DC, but I am happy to be back here.

  • Rave – The shelter dog my husband and I sponsored got adopted over the weekend! Such happy news during a sad time.
    Rant – There were a lot of sirens in Takoma last night. We saw multiple police cars, fire trucks, ambulances all racing down the the street towards the metro, but there was nothing on Twitter.

  • Rant: Everything that has already been said about Orlando.
    Rant: The parenting internet. I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that I was “banned for life” from a Facebook parenting group (by a moderator) after the following exchange:
    – I use the word “crazy” to describe a phenomenon (not a person or thing)
    – Another commenter, who I don’t know, asks me to ‘please not use the word crazy because it is ableist’
    – I ignore it because it’s the parenting internet. Then I get a PM from a local mom I sort of know, telling me my response was “uncool.” I then change the language because why not?, but stew about it a bit because I still don’t really understand why this is offensive but don’t really love being “publicly” (and a bit abruptly) edited by a stranger.
    – Several days later, I message the admins of the group privately, including the original commenter and the local mom, to ask if they would be willing to more clearly lay out the language policy for the group. My thinking is that if the group’s goal is to be inclusive, it would be good to know what the inclusiveness policy is in advance of breaking said policy while using language that is not widely known to be offensive.
    – Skipping ahead a bit, the admins tell me no — it’s incumbent on the members to know that the word is offensive because oppressed people shouldn’t have to explain why they are oppressed (?). I decide to leave the group because it’s clearly not my people. Then I get “banned for life” because I apparently don’t know how to be a good internet citizen.
    In case you were wondering, this group has 67,000 members. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about this, but honestly I’m still a bit stunned.

    • justinbc

      Haha, man, that is crazy, but entirely expected. I couldn’t deal with that BS if I ever were a parent, I would be far less “nice” about it than I’m sure you were.

    • Holy moly, that’s nuts.

    • Yeah, I mean, at least I figured out why the original commenter is so allergic to the offending word. My guess is that she has the word applied to her pretty often.

    • That’s crazy. Perhaps there will come a time when the word “crazy” is generally perceived as offensive… but I think this is the first I’ve heard of anyone considering it offensive.

    • In case you were wondering, as of this writing the word crazy appears 7 (now 8) times in this thread. Lots of ableists here, apparently.
      And, FWIW, that people have time for that kind of language policing nonsense says about all you need to know about them.

    • I’m sorry. No matter how crazy the crazy, it is still bewildering to be on the receiving end of crazy.
      (FWIW, I know what kind of internet citizen you are from this site, and you’re not the crazy one.)

      • Thanks so much, wdc. I think I need to hear that today. I actually really find myself wondering that. Nothing like a few nasty gifs lobbed against you to make you wonder if you’re really the one in the wrong.

    • Wow. That shit cray. Anyway, I try to be a sensitive as possible about language and I’ve never heard “crazy” being un PC. Especially when used in regards to a situation. The moms in your group need to chill.

      • I have this group to thank for the best response: Not my circus, not my monkeys. This is definitely -not- my group!

      • Well, in the context of an actual discussion on mental illness, probably best to leave crazy out of it. Just like we wouldn’t call an amputee a cripple, but we might say that we feel crippled after a tough workout. But as shorthand for irrational/ non-fact-based/ overreative internet behavior? Acceptable nuance, IMO.

        • Agreed, wdc. I have definitely been especially thoughtful about my use of the word since this happened, and have been more vigilant about not using it as a possible slur. But in my opinion, it was appropriate in the original context (to describe the market for a certain baby product, for which people were lining up to pay upwards of $500 a piece and incorrectly thinking that cost would be fully recouped) .
          .
          The original commenter was calling for the word to never be used in any circumstances, asserting that the word itself is offensive. I disagree with that. But more importantly, I didn’t like being scolded for it and I really didn’t like the pile-on afterward. It seemed totally disproportional to my alleged misdeed and also like the opposite of what was intended — to create an inclusive community.

          • May I ask what this $500+ product is? I’m curious, and also curious as to how one could “recoup” costs from a baby product.

          • Babywearing wraps. The market for “high-end” ones is hard to describe without using the word “crazy.” Imagine this: you see a wrap you like, then you discover than only 10 were made and 200 people want it. So there is a sort of system in place in which people buy and sell and trade. And because of the rarity of each wrap, they are theoretically supposed to hold value well. But that doesn’t always end up being the case because the wrap that today is highly sought after may not be by the time you’re ready to sell. So a lot of people end up disappointed, either because they never got the wrap they desired or because they lost a lot of money getting that wrap. It’s a really frustrating state of affairs. And frankly not a very good system, in my opinion. And for the record, when I was discussing this, I used the word “off kilter” to describe this, initially. But I used the word “”crazy” quite a bit later, after a discussion had already started.

          • I assume all this buying and selling takes place before the wrap is actually worn and the baby spits up on it?
            .
            What did they expect you to call it — “irrationally exuberant,” a la Alan Greespan?? You could call it “unreasonable” or “illogical,” but I don’t think either of those conveys the idea properly.

          • Also, to be clear, I have never and would never spend $500 on a baby wrap. But there are some cases that would make me consider it. Like this one, which I’d estimate would cost about $1200 in the size I want if I were able to buy it. It’s unlikely I’d ever be able to buy it (because of its rarity), even if I decided to spend my money that way (which is very unlikely). wovenwings.co.uk/products/singing-in-the-rain . But a lot of people who do get these fancy wraps do so making a lot of bets on assumed resale value, thinking that they will get to use is basically for free, if not at a profit, when their time is done. I don’t know any other market quite like it.

          • Textdoc, we’re talking about used wraps. Another odd feature of this market is that some of them actually do improve with age. Wraps in loom state tend to be a bit scratchy, so a broken-in wrap can actually be nicer than a new one if cared for properly.

          • No. no no no no. Sometimes you need to call a spade a spade, and paying $500+ for a baby wrap no matter if you expected to recoup the cost or not, is crazy with a capital CRAY.

          • I see a bunch of kids who should be walking in those pics.

          • I was a baby wearing fanatic. I wore my kids long past walking (ahem, none of your business, Anonymous.). I spent a great deal on various things (Boba, Ergo, my personal favorite, my Maya Wrap…). I would have NEVER spent $500 on a wrap, sling, structured carrier, etc. Ever. It is, officially, crazy.

        • justinbc

          I can only guess that they view it as equally off limits as using the word “retarded” in common speak.

    • HaileUnlikely

      I happen to agree with you here, but with a little bit of imagination, I could see where their moderator is coming from. Not a perfect analogy, but “crazy” is to a certain poorly-defined set of mental illness as “the r-word” is to a certain set of intellectual disability. 20-30 years ago, basically everybody, including liberal educated adults, used the r-word with reckless abandon and thought nothing of it, but that has demonstrably changed. There are certainly lots of good, worthy human beings out there who suffer from forms of mental illness (e.g., schizophrenia, severe obsessive compulsive disorder) who are derisively called “crazy,” just as there are good people with certain intellectual disabilities who were derisively referred to with the r-word. While I often use the word “crazy” without a second thought, I can legitimately see why somebody else might be offended by it (I personally am not, but I can see it). And I was chewed out by friends for using the r-word as recently as 10 years go – I suspect most of you here were well ahead of me on dropping it from your vocabulary. It probably didn’t even occur to you to use the r-word to describe the situation you were talking about previously, or for that matter this situation. Maybe someday we’ll be in the same place with respect to the c-word. More likely we won’t, but I suspect that’s where the mod was coming from.

      • I think you’re absolutely right, and totally see that point. Interestingly, the r-word is explicitly banned in that group, but this word wasn’t.
        .
        I think the challenge — if it’s mutually agreed upon in the community that this word should be considered an offensive one — is how to properly address that with the group and monitor it. I requested that it be included in the group’s “pinned post” as a problematic word so people like me wouldn’t use it without realizing it was considered offensive in this group. I don’t think that’s so unreasonable.

        • HaileUnlikely

          I completely agree with you regarding spelling out the rules, without regard to what I think of the rules themselves.

          • Agreed. They need to spell out the rules, especially for words that are considered acceptable in ordinary discourse.

      • Every cultural/linguistic shift has its early adopters. I play that role sometimes for person-based reference to women (as persons, we are women. As biological organisms, we are female). This is a shift I encourage. But although it bugs me to be referred to by my biology, and it bugs me when gender-nonconforming folks’ gender expression is ignored in favor of biology, I don’t think ganging-up and issuing a lifetime ban is the way to accomplish the shift. I’ll just explain why I think we’re due for a change, and then drop it until next time. Like the r-word, and probably someday the c-word (crazy, not that other one) it’ll sink in… eventually.

        • I am all for making the use of language kinder and more inclusive. And for people to make more thoughtful choices when picking the words they use. I even recognize that the process of getting there will sometimes be messy and ugly. I guess I just don’t love being held up as an example of “the oppressor.” (Their words.) Especially when I wasn’t being unkind in the way I had used the word. (I know I really just need to let this one go. I know it, yet I can’t….)

          • It’s their problem, not yours.
            .
            I don’t think “crazy” is a good parallel for the r-word. The condition/spectrum now known as developmental disability was previously known as mental retardation — like, that was the official/accepted term. “Craziness” is not the official/accepted term for mental illness. And even when people do use the word “crazy” to talk about people with mental illness, usually they’re using it to describe only extreme behavior (psychotic episodes, severe untreated schizophrenia. etc.)
            .
            You acted in good faith. Commenters can be expected not to use the r-word, but it’s unreasonable to expect commenters to read other people’s minds and avoid using a word that currently is not on most people’s radar as a bad word.

    • Sheesh, banned for life for asking a reasonable question. That’s cra…I mean, nuts (is *nuts* offensive?)
      Seems this could have been better handled by moderators.
      .
      for what it’s worth, I think you’re an upstanding internet citizen 🙂

      • +1, 100% upstanding internet citizen. Of all of the people on Popville that I could imagine being “banned for life” from a website, you would be at the bottom of that list!

        • Agreed. I’ve always felt that you take pains to be sensitive.
          .
          If this is what they do to _you_, one wonders what happens to less sensitive folks.

          • If Shawess posts the name of the website, I’ll be happy to find out and report back. I’m fairly certain I qualify as “less sensitive.”

    • people here get banned from a “community facebook page” all the time. For things like saying a rabid racoon killed their cat (inciting fear!), saying “this floor refinisher didn’t show up” (commenting negatively on a business), etc. It’s ridiculous. These pages tend to be more about self promotion. I can’t even imagine a San Fran page like that.

      • It’s actually a global page, not a San Francisco page! Which I know is surprising. The people in question also are not in SF except for the one local mom (who actually sided with me in the end 🙂 )

  • Rave: The LGBTQ community is the best. To see my friends who have fought bravely for the right to live their lives freely and openly refuse to be silenced by unfathomable violence is inspiring and worth celebrating. We need to mourn and act to make sure that violence like this weekend’s never happens again, but let’s never forget that we have much to be proud of. We allies stand with you today.
    Rant: Guns. I just can’t. We need to act now.

  • Rant: Married men cheating on their wives. I’ve been hit on twice recently by men who turned out to be married. Is this just what it’s going to be like to date in my ’30s? I guess I need to start specifically looking for rings when guys start talking to me, but I wish I didn’t have to be the fidelity police. Yes, I know it’s your marriage, not mine, but is it beyond your comprehension that someone doesn’t want to be the “other woman” even if you don’t mind being a cheater?

    • justinbc

      If what you mean by “is this dating in my 30s” is that each date will probably have some unexpected element to it, then yeah, that’s a high possibility. If you mean that all of them will be hiding the fact they’re married, not likely.

      • @justinbc: Oh, I know. I’m being melodramatic. It just had never happened before, and now it happened twice. It’s just a bummer. I prefer to assume people are good people until proven otherwise, and I know everyone has their reasons and I don’t really know where each guy was coming from, but the experience made me sad.

  • binntp

    Rave: The Nationals. When all else is going to hell in this world and everything seems so dark and depressing, it’s nice to have one thing that keeps me smiling.

  • Rant: moving. cannot wait to be done with this!
    .
    Trying to figure out the best way to hang my no parking signs for the move. There are two trees which will be the bookends but not sure how to hang the two signs in the middle. It seems a bit long to have rope going all the way across (don’t want it to get in people’s way or get torn down) so is my best bet to just tape it to my house (in the middle of the two trees)?

    • Go to a hardware store and get some kind of post that would normally hang a for sale sign or something like that. You can put those in the ground and tape/staple your signs to them.

      • It is only concrete sidewalk, except where the trees are, so not sure that would help (but thanks for the suggestion!) I was thinking about putting them on cones but I live on a very busy street and have a feeling someone would move/steal them??

        • Try cones sitting on the sidewalk. Or wooden posts with wooden supports at the bottom so they stay upright.
          .
          Taping the no-parking signs to your house isn’t sufficient. People aren’t going to see them (and all too often people disobey the signs even when they do see them).

          • Thanks, Textdoc. My concern with the cones is that someone would move them since I live on a very busy road by a lot of bars /there is just a lot of foot traffic in general. I will be tying two to each of the trees which will be the outside perimeter of the space I will need, so just need to put up the signs in between as well. My house is right in the middle, hence why I was thinking that. I have seen the rope strategy but I think the trees are too far apart for that to be done and not get in people way.
            .
            I will check out the hardware store to see if I can find cones or signposts with supports.

          • Cones/signposts with supports would have an added advantage — on your actual moving day, you could move them into the parking spaces to (attempt to) discourage parking.
            .
            What day is your actual move? I’ve heard people say that it can be difficult to get enforcement on Sundays.

          • The move is Saturday, so hopefully if there is an issue, parking enforcement will be able to help.
            .
            I’ll go to the store tonight and see what I can find in the way of signposts or cones. Also don’t want to spend a fortune, since I’m already doing that to move!

        • People are notoriously bad about respecting signs even when they see them. Can you get some friends or neighbors to park in the reserved space then move when the truck arrives? I would go with posting on the trees as well as string/tape between the trees at eye level with lots of bright paper signs taped on in addition.

          Also, sidewalk chalk on the street to block out the space.

    • hammers

      fwiw, I just moved and used signs from two far apart trees, and taped the middle sign to my fence, and everyone but one guy obeyed, and we had plenty of room. No rope used. obviously your mileage may vary.

    • I’d put on signs on each tree and also hang twine/string with the third sign. The rope really gets people’s attention. Leave plenty of slack so people can lift it and walk under it. I see the string used all the time in Adams Morgan and seems to work well. Make sure you place the sign with plenty of notice (72 hours, I think?) and document that you hung the sign at that time. If someone is parked in the spot, call 911 early and often. It will take a while for the police to show up, write tickets, and call in the tow truck.
      If you are moving on a Sunday, you’re probably screwed if someone parks there.

      • Thanks, Op Anon and Hammers. I will try the string out and see how much it is in the way- this seems like the best option. Hammers, I wish I had a fence to post it on but we don’t have one in front of the house so it would have to be posted on our house, which I just worry is too far back. Either way, I’m getting them posted tonight or tomorrow night for a Saturday move so that is plenty of time. The street, despite being a main road, generally has a lot of open parking early on Saturday morning (when I moved in I didn’t get signs and had plenty of room for the truck, just trying to be safe this time) so I’m hoping for the best.

  • Forgotten Raves:

    The Tony Awards warmed my heart yesterday. From Hamilton dominating the wins, to the fact that all the musical actor winners were people of color. It’s why diversity is so important. And then they closed the show with “The Schuyler Sisters”, and I almost cried. I’ve watched that clip twice today, and will probably watch at least one more today. “The Schuyler Sisters” is my favorite song from Hamilton, it brings me such joy.

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