Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user VJ Kapur

You can talk about whatever is on your mind โ€“ quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct peopleโ€™s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

203 Comment

  • Blithe

    Rave: Lost the first five pounds, and on track for the next five. Lots more to go, but I feel like I’m in a good place for this.
    Rant: Years of following misguided, but well-meant, possibly Eurocentric advice from health professionals. ๐Ÿ™
    Rave: I’m loving my Mignon Faget rings! And to think, a few months ago, I’d never heard of Mignon Faget. Thanks Enabler!!!
    Rave: Years ago, I lost my favorite bracelet, which wasn’t being made any more. I found one on EBAY. Sometimes technology IS my friend.
    Sort of Rave: The building next door just relined and painted their swimming pool, and filled it to, I guess, test it out. I blearily woke up, saw the sparkling blue waters and thought: “Yay, Summer!!!” before reality intervened.

  • Does anyone know of a chiropractor in the District that does dry needling? It’s a form of myofascial release for muscle injuries. Thanks!

  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: Disturbing episode of โ€œEmpireโ€ last night. I may be done with this show.
    Rave: The bits of the CMA awards I watched. Iโ€™m not really a country music fan but I enjoyed most of the show. Why canโ€™t Justin Timberlake be in everything from now on or at least alternate with Neil Patrick Harris? He was incredible!
    Rant: Not sure why my userid and password aren’t working this morning. Boo!

  • Rave: Acupuncture this morning. I feel so good and blissed out. The heating pad on the bed also helped the achy back.
    Rant: I have come to the realization that not only do I need to give up coffee but also chocolate and spicy food. The heartburn can’t keep winning.
    Rave: Jasmine green tea.
    Rave: A man gave up his seat on the metro to me this morning. i am officially pregnant! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Rant: I started looking into day care last night and almost had a panic attack. This feels more overwhelming and stressful than applying to colleges.

  • Rant:
    No, sweetheart, I didn’t come up with anything to do with your friend when she comes to visit.
    No, I don’t know what’s playing at the Source.
    No, I don;t know if any good bands are in town.
    No I don’t know who’s coming for Thanksgiving.
    No, I don’t know what we’re cooking for Thanksgiving.
    No, I don’t know if the girl is applying to school yet.
    (Yes! I’m making yakitori for dinner and the girl is making ramen.)
    No, I have no idea what type of sake to get.
    No, I don’t know what I’m doing for Christmas.
    No, I don’t know what my parents are doing for Christmas.
    No, I don’t know what my brother is doing for Christmas.
    Yes, I am glad I stuck around until you got back from your workout so that we could have this romantic little cross-examination about things that will resolve themselves at whatever point they need to be resolved and which I am not going to spend a lot of time worrying about until then and do you think that this sort of thing may be why you have so much trouble sleeping?
    Yes, I’m glad I didn’t go into work early so I could get out of work early to buy the mirin and assemble the yakitori, mostly because traffic gets so much more awesome every minute you wait to leave the house after 7AM.
    Rave: Left the girl last night making ramen broth with pig trotters and chicken backs, while hunting for the pasta roller.

    • Oh, this sounds like moments in my house — only I am the one giving the cross-examination. Sometimes I try to put it in email form so it feels like less of an interrogation. I think a lot of it is just different approaches. I’m a planner and worrier; my partner is more in the “it will resolve itself” camp.

      On the bright side, it sounds like you two probably balance each other out well.

      • +1 to this. this is what I meant to say.

      • This is how I am too, especially about Thanksgiving. I like looking through all of the recipes and plotting it all out. My sister really doesn’t care until it’s time to vote on the selection I’ve chosen.

        • I was literally giving my BF a litany of “are you inviting so and so? should I make x?” yesterday. I feel bad after reading Irving Streete’s convo so I sent him a text saying that I’ll handle dinner planning and I’ll make him a pie of his choice. I have to realize that he really doesn’t care what I do, and in my efforts to think/talk it out, I’m probably annoying him.

          • Oh, the poor man is annoyed that you’re trying to make plans to cook a large formal meal for his friends and family? How difficult his life must be! He definitely needs you to add that special pie to all your other responsibilities to make up for your attempts to get a little input. *world’s biggest eye roll*
            No, seriously, people. Planners need backup. If you love a planner, you need to engage. A long string of shut-down answers like Irving Streete gave is a great way to communicate to a planner that their essential nature is distasteful to you.

          • The thing is that invites have been sent to the usual crew who may or may not show up (we’re something of an “orphan’s” collection) so I’m not going to stress until I hear from them. And I’m not going to start cooking for two weeks, so there’s no need for a menu this second — I’m often happy to discuss these things some other time than 7 am. We’ve also done dinners for many more than will be here this year many times — it will all come together. I don;t mine planning, I just didn’t need an urgent conversation this morning with unspoken “why haven’t you figured this out?”) undertones.
            To be clear, it will all be OK in the end, with her and with dinner. I just needed a rant.

          • I don’t know that he’s annoyed, I’m assuming he is because looking at it from the other side, I can see how it’s annoying. And it’s not that I’m taking on all this responsibility because I *have* to, it’s because I *want* to. I enjoy doing shit like this. Eye roll all you want, but I’m mature enough to recognize that there is give and pull in every relationship. I also trust my partner enough to recognize that while he may not be with me 100% in the planning stages, he will be there on Thanksgiving Eve helping me prep and he’ll be in the kitchen with Thanksgiving Day. I’m sure Irving Streete is the same.

          • +1 to wdc’s comment, mostly the first half.
            My husband knew he was marrying a planner, he gets to deal with it when it means that I’m coordinating all of our social calendar 99% of the time and I’m making sure we have enough food and drink, etc.

      • emvee

        +1 Solidarity for planners and worriers!

      • Hahahaha we also had a nearly identical conversation last week except I was the one asking the numerous questions. During the inquisition, the thought crossed my mind that his next answer was most definitely going to be no, but it was just too irresistible to stop the line of questioning… It’s a good thing you guys are patient ones.

    • Anonynon

      LOL makes me glad I am single.

    • “mostly because traffic gets so much more awesome every minute you wait to leave the house after 7AM.”
      Sorry to hear about all that other stuff. I think I might think along similar lines, but I usually try not to say anything.

    • Oh jeez. Now I realize what I must sound like to my BF….

    • Is this rant making anyone else want to double down on the planning/questioning instinct rather than ease up on it? Of course I get that it can be annoying to harp on things, but it’s also annoying when your partner assumes that things will just get done … meaning that you have to do them all yourself with no input, or at the last minute. (Yes, this struck a nerve. Sorry if that comes too close to negating Inving Streete’s rant, which is totally his right).

      • “meaning that you have to do them all yourself with no input…”
        This is totally true, and I thought of this after realizing how annoying it must be. And then I felt very conflicted.

      • Remember the letting go thing I was talking about before? This is where I let go (and I am meaning on the Thanksgiving issue only). I am a hyper-planner. I have a running mental check-list of everything that we need to do which will actually become a paper list very soon. I have my menu going, my cooking timeline, etc. I need this to stay sane in the run up to the event. However, I recognize that he most definitely is not like this, and really he doesn’t care what I make. In his mind, he will do the meat and I will do the sides/desserts and all will be well. In his mind, what we had last year was perfectly fine so he doesn’t get all the questions. In all reality, he’s kinda right in this situation. Now, because I am conceding on this issue, it does not mean I will concede on other things, and really, it kinda helps my case on those other issues to let off on this one. So instead of coming off as interrogating him and forcing him to make decisions about everything, it’s just the important stuff. Like a damn house. Those interrogations will continue until decisions are actually made!

        • Yeah, I guess it is a question of which things *really* matter and which don’t. Not all things are equal and I try not to ever get worked up about the small stuff. I guess I am thinking about weightier concerns than those posed by Irving Streete’s girlfriend — like how to manage a move at 8 months pregnant, how to pay for a car and child care, etc. — so I’m not making a very fair comparison. All I know if that if my husband had posted a rant like this about me this morning it would have brought on the biggest fight ever. He totally could have, because I am legitimately fixating on certain on things. But they are important things with deadlines that will either be met or not met, with real, lasting consequences.

          • I should add that I don’t consider myself a hyper-planner in any way. If anything, I have a procrastination instinct myself and prefer to go with the flow. But I get really pissed off having to pay extra or miss out on something (e.g. getting affordable moving or child care) services just because we didn’t do our homework and book on time.

          • In that case, I’m on your side. There are things that need to be discussed and planned for that really can’t be put off, and he absolutely does need to be a part of the discussions/decision making.

          • emvee

            “But I get really pissed off having to pay extra or miss out on something (e.g. getting affordable moving or child care) services just because we didnโ€™t do our homework and book on time.”

            Ughhhhh this! My bf and his sister are not planners and as a result we paid so much more for lodging on our trip to England than we should have. 250 pounds for one night in a 1BR flat in London that ended up being in public housing, because no one planned!

          • My BIL is like that with my sister and it is so irritating. He wants to take 6 months to make every decision, then gets mad when she makes the decision without him in order to meet the deadlines.

      • In my case, I will be carrying my share or more of the load — in large part because I enjoy it. There will be plenty of time for stress. Why start now?

        • Sorry, Irving Streete, I should have started my own thread rather than hijacking yours. It sounds like our situations are pretty different even though the dialogue itself could be pretty similar.

        • I think this is an important point. When the planner isn’t the one shouldering the lion’s share of the responsibility, the early and intensive questioning can come across as, “Why haven’t you don’t this yet?!?!” If a planner isn’t responsible for execution, sometimes they need to let go a bit. (Yes, I am the hyper-planner, and yes, I have been firmly informed to stop planning something someone else if taking responsibility for.)

          • +1 to this. My fiance and I are both planners but prioritize the things that need to be planned in different ways. We both have to remind each other to let go of things that aren’t ours to plan/control.

        • Ah but for the planner, thinking it out now is the stress-reliever. Not asking the questions is the stress-adder. (But yes we planners should not interrogate. No enhanced techniques, at all!)

      • Blithe

        Nope. I’m kind of like: There will be food. No one will starve. If, in the unlikely event there is no food, we’ll figure it out. I don’t worry much beforehand — I make lists. I do tend to worry a bit afterwards though. Balance?

        • justinbc

          +1, I don’t even stress the day of. If the kitchen goes to hell there’s always a Chinese place open.

        • At Easter when I was 8 or 9 I saw that a bird was in the oven but the latch thing at the top of the oven wasn’t closed, so I closed it. That was the cleaning setting, which instantly shut the oven off. My mom discovered this as she went to check the bird when it should’ve been nearly ready. I really appreciate that my family is laid back – we all just loaded up and went to a local restaurant. I think that if I had a kid and they did this, I would be beyond annoyed, but if my mom was upset, she didn’t let on!

    • justinbc

      I had the discussion about Christmas plans yesterday. While, it was more like I answered a lot of questions with “I don’t know” and “OK”. If only there were a way to put repeated phrases on some form of speed text.

    • Compelled to jump in here…. appreciating the planner-appreciation, of course.
      I am both a Planner (by training/profession) and a planner, by nature. (They’re linked, of course.)

      The one thing I will add to the ‘planners need back up’ comments is – frequently the interrogation is mostly a kind of thinking out loud/verbal list-making and even the planner knows things will be resolved in due course. (Things such as the Thanksgiving menu… though if you want a fresh turkey from that place we like, have you ordered it yet?) (Or the guest list, though if you invited so-and-so that means we need extra wine, cause you know how he is…) (Ooops – force of habit). But, I find it helps me to know that you know what I am thinking of, and that you are on top of it.

      Usually a ‘yes dear’ is all the answer I am looking for, and that thing gets ticked off on my mental list. Well, today’s mental list.

      • justinbc

        I could be mistaken, but I think the bigger issue was not answering the questions, but having to do so at 7AM when time is of the essence (and immediacy of solutions is most definitely not).

      • +1 – the verbal list-making is totally me.

      • Yep, big verbal planner here too.
        But if my partner said to me “I need to get going, I will have more information for you this evening, and we can talk about it over dinner,” I would give him a hearty kiss and a pat on the rear and send him on his way.
        I would feel heard and understood, and I would feel like I was giving him space to do his thing which would result in me being better able to do my thing.

        • Yes I am with you there. I have to say it’s interesting to see all the comments equating planning with stressing…. as I am list-making and planning, I am having fun! It’s not stressful, it’s happy anticipating of the event. Though happy events are more fun – travel, etc., even less happy stuff – moving, job-hunting – are made better if I am processing them in this way. And, in my world, having a plan absolutely allows me to be more flexible – the plan always has to be adaptable.
          And, I have to say, I am single, so there’s less potential for conflict that way; my friends are completely comfortable rolling their eyes and letting me roll off their back, so to speak.

          • I agree with you on the fun aspect. For me, planning for Thanksgiving is fun! Now, when it comes to other things, like picking a house (this is my other big planning thing right now) I need in put. It’s less thinking out loud and more “can we discuss what we both want individually so that we can come to a consensus?” That, to me, is stressful.

  • Rant – Attempted to take Metro home from the airport yesterday and got stuck in mid-day track work. That was 90 minutes of my day wasted. So now there’s track work during the day, in the evenings before closing. and on weekends? Awesome.
    Rant – Pup officially started heatworm treatment. Today marks the first day of her 3-month exercise restriction and crate rest. This is going to suck. ๐Ÿ™
    Rave – Pup is still as sweet as ever, despite all her medications.

  • Rave: Aesop setting up in Shaw – anyone know when it’s slated to open?

  • Rave/Rant: Obsessed with a dress online. It’s not *that* expensive for a dress but it’s more than I should be spending for a dress I’ll probably only wear once. Maybe I’ll order it and hope it looks bad on me so I can just return it…. I need a dress to wear for an event in two weeks!
    Rave: Went running yesterday for the first time in I don’t know how long. It felt good! Even though I am so out of shape.
    Rave: Finally finished booking all the hotels in various cities in Japan. Can’t effing wait but have Thanksgiving and wedding travel before that!
    Rant-ish: Bf’s brother decided to tag along on our first big trip as a couple. I like him and get along with him really well, but it kind of throws off the dynamic and now I feel like I’m having to plan two separate trips (he’s staying in different hotels, stuff he can do when we’re not hanging out, etc).

    • If you haven’t tried it before, Rent the Runway is freakin’ awesome, if you want a fancy dress but don’t need/want to wear it more than once!

      • I always swoon at Rent the Runway dresses but then never pull the trigger because I’m worried that they won’t fit right or look good. I went to the store in Georgetown a few months ago and didn’t have great luck. I think I just have a hard body to dress!

        • I’ve heard a lot of people have no luck at the Georgetown store, mostly because I think they only keep in stock sizes / styles that a select few women can actually wear. Reading the reviews on the website can be extremely helpful in judging how a certain dress might fit you. When I got a dress from them, I ordered my usual size but based on the reviews, had an inkling that one size up would fit better, so I used that as my “back-up” dress, and it turned out that the back-up dress was the one I went with. The reviews really do help, especially when accompanied by pictures of the people actually wearing the dress – you can spot people with similar body types and read what sizes they got, how they felt it fit them (how it looks like it fit them, which is sometimes very different!), etc.

          • laurelo

            I had a mixed experience at the Georgetown store. Picked up a dress I’d ordered online and it didn’t work, it was close to closing, and they just sent me home with a different dress that I didn’t like. Was unimpressed, so went back the next day when it was much less busy. Had the best experience–salesperson was very calm and efficient and wound up with a dress I loved. So, I think it depends on the time of day and how busy the store is. She had to search “in the back” for several minutes for a particular dress.

      • Pablo Raw

        I am a witness that Rent the Runway is awesome!

    • Rent the Runway, maybe, as a less expensive option?

    • Two things: post the link so we can vote yes/no and also enjoy looking at pretty things, and could you possibly wear it and then return it? I know that’s not reallllllly the most acceptable thing but could be an option. Tuck in the tags, wear and treat gently, and return?

      • us.asos.com/ASOS-Velvet-Asymmetric-Bandeau-Midi-Dress/17y8tl/?iid=5691210&cid=15801&Rf989=6408,6422,5002,6333,6326,6320&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=36&sort=-1&clr=Oxblood&totalstyles=905&gridsize=3&mporgp=L0FTT1MvQVNPUy1WZWx2ZXQtQXN5bW1ldHJpYy1CYW5kZWF1LU1pZGktRHJlc3MvUHJvZC8.

        I hope this link works!

        • Cute!! I like it!!

        • emvee

          Oh this is adorable. I think you must get it (paging the Enabler!). It also has re-wear potential, especially in any sort of costume situation.

        • ooooh! I like it and I’m sure there will be other fancy events you can wear it to later on. Been on an asos kick lately too and their shipping and returns are great. I think at that price you can justify it over rent the runway since it’ll be yours forever and ever

        • I love it! So great for holiday parties too!!!! I’d say to get it and at least see how it fits. If you want to keep it, bring your lunch a few times between now and the event to help offset the cost (or sell something on ebay or craigslist that you don’t want anyway!)

        • Oh, yeah you could definitely wear that several times in a year and get your money’s worth! Cute!

        • Yeah I changed my mind don’t even consider returning that. Now I’m debating buying it for myself, it would go so well with a faux fur wrap I have for NYE!

        • anonymouse_dianne

          That’s quite reasonably priced – and you can wear it for Xmas parties with maybe a pretty black lace blouse underneath.

        • Emmaleigh504

          buy it. It will look great on you.
          love, the Enabler.

      • Okay, ordered! Thanks, y’all!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Rave: almost Friday?
    Rant: Had a lot of issues last night with charlie horses during my workouts. Suuuuper annoying, and painful! I drank some gatorade and had some rice with soy sauce to try to balance out my electrolytes, if that’s the issue. But I think it’s more that my legs, hips, hamstrings and calves are all still so so so tight from my hike on Saturday. Ugh.I feel terribly stiff and sore today.
    Rant: Really tired today.
    Rave: my rants are small potatoes and I have a lot of good things and people in my life

    • Could it be potassium? I have potassium issues and it makes my legs sore sometimes. Try coconut water — electrolytes and potassium.

      • it’s possible – I’m on medication that can potentially throw off your electrolytes, but it’s specifically potassium sparing, so I don’t know what’s up. I do think I’ll get some coconut water at lunch, though!

    • could be magnesium! If I don’t get an epsom salt bath in I get terrible charlie horses.

      • huh! I’ll look into that, thanks anon. Are there things to eat that are particularly helpful in this regard?

        • Hmmm….no, a quick search of studies shows that the medication I’m on may actually increase magnesium levels, not decrease it….So I don’t know what to make of that.

          • You could always get a quick lab slip and have quick test run to see why. I mean, it might not be officially needed, but they are free!

          • really? Hmm… i’ll mention it to someone…I’m still fairly certain it’s just extreme tightness in all my hip flexor muscles and tendons from a long, rather rigorous hike!

          • Yup! Free labs is one of the perks ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’d mention it…. it could be nothing at all, but you are also on meds that can play with your levels and it could be that. Or just stretch it out, take a warm bath, and if you are still having aches, get it checked tomorrow?

          • never knew that! Well, I’ll talk to someone and just get their thoughts, and move on to labs if they feel it’s warranted

  • Rave: I left work at 1 yesterday to go home and rest some more, and you guys, I feel like a new woman. Not completely healed, but I feel SO much better, I almost want to jump for joy. (But not actually jump because I’m scared I might trip and fall again)

    Rave: On the hunt for a super ugly Christmas sweater (I am all about winning) and I’m finding a bunch to choose from (all expensive, though) for a party I’m going to in a few weeks

    Rant: It hurts to sneeze.

    Rant: The resident in my building who smokes pot and the smoke wafts through my living room for long periods of time. The smell of pot makes me super nauseous, but I can’t control who does what in the privacy of their own unit. And I can’t figure out whose unit it is, or I would kindly ask them to figure some alternative out. I can’t have my sliding glass door open to get fresh air because it makes it worse. (Between that and the bugs, I’m having a WEEK)

    Rave: Looking forward to my weekend, now that I think I’m actually going to be able to go out and enjoy it! Friend’s fancy dress up party on Saturday night, and I’m hosting a condo event on Sunday afternoon that a lot of people seem to be attending, so that will be fun.

    • Happy for your raves, and totally feel you on your rant – the smell of pot is absolutely disgusting and nauseating to me too, I hate having to walk down a hallway full of it almost every day (despite the fact that my building is supposed to be non-smoking – uh, I’m pretty sure smoking pot counts as smoking, you jags!)

    • emvee

      Definitely check out thrift stores for ugly Christmas sweaters. I have one hell of a Christmas vest with a giant snowman on one side of the vest, a giant Santa on the other, and snowflake buttons. I think it cost me $4.

    • Glad you’re feeling better! For the smoke, you can try to seal off any openings where the smoke might be coming into your unit. One of my friends had pretty good luck with sealing off gaps under her front door using weatherproofing supplies when she had the same problem with a neighboring apartment.

    • Mention it at your next meeting. The person probably has no idea, and may figure something out once they’re aware.

  • Rant: Metro has never been right since the 2011 earthquake.

  • Rave: Today’s Hax… Seriously, I love that woman. This is exactly what I have tried to express to my mom for years, and the “loves lost” son sounds like me last Christmas (though my issue was not having my kids) and my brother pretty much every Thanksgiving, and of course, the mom is like ours – except less generous and more prone to rehashing it for years. I am so tempted to share, not sure if that’s a passive aggressive move or not. At any rate, the advice was validating.
    Rave: In full on Thanksgiving dinner planning mode! Antibiotic free, free range chicken ordered (for only $1.99/lb versus the $3.99/lb – thanks Mom’s Organic!), sides are planned, pies are being plotted, and I am having fun trying to find the perfect dress. ModCloth is calling my name… I enjoy playing 1950’s housewife for this one day out of the year, so I may as well look it!
    Rant: Oldest Anonachild somehow managed to leave his book bag outside in the rain last night.

    • Allison

      I love Hax generally too. When I am at a crossroads I often ask myself “what would Hax say about this?”

      • Same! She gives really solid, modern advice. I really want to just go through and search all of her columns where adult kids right in about relationship issues with their parents and vise versa, print them all out, bind them, and give them to my mom. The last thing my mom and I had I pretty much used her advice word for word. It’s hasn’t had the desired effect, but mainly because in these situations my mom focuses only on her feelings and never anyone else’s.

        • Allison

          I’ve been looking for Hax advice (or y’alls advice would be appreciated) on a sibling issue. I’ve always had a somewhat distant relationship with my sister, who is older than me by 4 years. We’re cordial, but not super close. We call each other on holidays and things like that. I made peace with our somewhat distant relationship years ago, assuming based on her behavior that she never wanted anything more. Under the stress of one of our parent’s health problems, she blew up and told me (via text message) that I’ve always been cold and unavailable, and that I’ve never supported her. As a result, she said, she didn’t want to have any relationship with me at all anymore. I was kind of blindsided that she had all of these expectations for our relationship that she’d never communicated to me and that I had apparently been failing to meet for years, so all I did was apologize. Now she won’t answer her phone calls or text messages. Her voicemail box on her phone isn’t set up, so I can’t leave her a voicemail. I’ve been gently pinging her to remind her I’m around and would like to talk, but she isn’t giving me a chance. So, I’m not sure what else I can do from here unless she changes her mind (which I’m sure she will when she needs my help in the next family crisis, unfortunately.) Help?

          • Oh yikes… Was this fairly recent? Is it a matter of giving her time to settle down and deal with the recent stresses? I think all you can do in a situation like this is send an email or a letter and express that you are sorry she felt that way, that you always felt that you were having the kind of relationship you both wanted, and if she wants to, you would like to be closer to, and then leave it at that?

          • Allison

            It happened about three weeks ago. I’ve tried to contact her twice since then — trying to maintain some balance between urging her to talk to me and giving her space. I thought about sending an e-mail or a letter, but I’m worried that will just “crystallize” things, and without the opportunity for dialogue, she may misunderstand me. (In my current profession, I’ve learned the value of phone calls over e-mails for difficult conversations.) She also isn’t super good about reading her e-mail generally anyway.

          • I’ve got a similar story with my sister. It’s been super challenging. I found this article incredibly helpful: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/11/booming/negotiating-conflicts-part-1-family-grudges.html?_r=0
            For what it’s worth, every single piece of advice she gives is dead-on. Hopefully you can get in touch to talk, but a simple letter acknowledging both of you are in pain over this and asking to meet in person to discuss so you can understand better is also OK. Focus on trying to understand her perspective, help her understand yours, and try to define what you wish to see moving forward. Good luck.

          • I would send her a card or letter basically saying, “I want to respect your need for space, but know that I love you. And when you’re ready, I would really like to talk about this situation. I realize that we’re different people, but I would love it if you’d be willing to talk this out and see if we can move forward from here.” Something that says you are open and willing to dialogue but that doesn’t take on responsibility and/or apologize when you’re not really to blame. (I refuse to have relationships with people where you have to take all the blame to be close to them.) After that, maybe read out once a month/six weeks or so until you are at the point where you just don’t care or need to step back for your own mental health. I’m a firm believer of making occasional contact with people, so they know the door is always open if they want to be closer and/or heal a relationship. But that decision really rests with you and what’s best for your own mental health.

          • This sounds like a LOT of expectation and build-up on her end, when you were just obliviously along for the ride. I don’t know why, but I feel like as the older sibling SHE should’ve set the tone, not you. Maybe you could hand write a nice letter and send it. I would keep the tone as “I’m really surprised, this is why, I’m hoping you can see this from my perspective, and I’d love for you to elaborate on yours so that we can move forward.” So sorry to hear this!

          • This could be me and my sister (before her blow-up). I’d have no idea how to deal with it – my sister also doesn’t read email or answer her phone often, and I’d be shocked if she told me she wanted a closer relationship (given that she’s never done anything to indicate that).
            This won’t be popular, and I don’t mean to be harsh, but . . . why not just give her what she wants? If you’re only speaking at holidays, that seems like an obligatory communication, not a heartfelt one. You’ll have to communicate as your parents age and have health problems (hope that’s getting better, BTW), but other than that, it doesn’t seem like her absence will create a void in your life. (If she refuses to communicate about your parents and health issues, that’s another issue, and incredibly childish on her part.)
            Sorry if this post is projecting too much of my familial relationship onto your situation . . .

          • Allison

            Thanks for all your advice guys. I think maybe a handwritten card around Thanksgiving time might do the trick. A brief card doesn’t have all the pressure of a letter, so there’s less room for misunderstanding, but it still gets the message that “I’m here” across. I’ll probably use something really similar to what Artemis said. Keep advice coming!

          • Blithe

            I definitely agree with the handwritten note or card plan. Followed up by additional handwritten notes or cards — so it isn’t just a one-off, but a plan for continued communication, possibly of the kinds of things that it’s hard to say in person. One thing to maybe look at: A four year age difference can be a significant gap, and I was struck by andie’s comment that she would expect “the older sister to set the tone”. I don’t know how old the two of you are, but I’m wondering if you’ve never quite made the transition from your kid roles — to a more adult relationship of relative equals. There might be some big sister/little sister expectations floating around on both sides that are supporting the rift between you. Between adults, it’s up to both/either to set the tone or take initiatives. At a certain point, age/rank doesn’t matter, although of course family patterns are often pretty entrenched.
            -Rather than guessing and assuming, if I were in your place, I’d probably use at least one of the notes to ask what kinds of supports your sister would welcome. And I would hope, eventually, for a conversation to get a clearer idea of what she might mean by “cold and unavailable”, how she might like to grow forward, and whether or not her assessment rings true with your sense of yourself and your family relationships.
            – This may be WAY off base, but your comment about “when she needs my help in the next family crisis” — made me wonder if she, as the older sibling, has more responsibility for handling family crises than you: as in she handles, you “help”. If so, this could easily be a source of resentment, so it’s great that you’re committed to sorting things out.

          • justinbc

            Time is definitely your friend here. Give her space to dwell on it. If she genuinely was upset by it then that means she must have wanted that kind of relationship, and after the stress of this interaction has worn off she’ll likely be more open to it again (assuming that’s something you want).

    • Oh man. I had a sh!tty breakup a few years ago and decided to do 2 weeks in Europe by myself, over Xmas to save on the vacation time and it was already fall when the breakup happened. I had never been to Europe and never really traveled alone before, it felt really scary and empowering.
      On Christmas Day my mother wanted to make sure I knew that skipping Christmas was acceptable only once and she added a little extra Catholic guilt by saying “some of your relatives are getting older.”
      I get where that mom is coming from, it’s natural to think about what you want first and discount other people’s sad feelings, but thank you to Hax and the other people with very reasonable explanations.

      • Every time I have to hand my kids over for a week it wrecks me. I’m used to the 4 nights a month, but 7 days straight without my babies is a killer. Last year was also my BF’s first Christmas without his kids. It was rough as hell on both of us. So no, we weren’t going to do anything on Christmas day that did not involve moping, and I certainly was not going to go and pretend to be happy at my mom’s house. This led to a massive blow up, and even after admitting that I was straight up depressed (was also having major anxiety about finances at the time), it was held against me that I should think of my family. It’s hard not to hold a grudge for that. Mean while, guess who has chosen not to attend the third child’s birthday of the year… 0 for 3 on that front!

  • Rant: Hassle from boss.

  • question: does anyone here use class pass? I am interested in the crossfit classes but afraid to go because I’ve never done crossfit, and I thought they usually required onboarding. Also interested in boxing, if anyone has taken any of those.

    • Cross fit is very scaleable, so I wouldn’t be worried. Just let them know your brand new. They should go over the day’s movements with you to get the form down.

    • Six years of CF here. If a CrossFit gym is offering ClassPass option, it’s one to avoid. You’re right about needing on-boarding to learn how to move safely.

      • I’ll defer to your knowledge, but I’ll add as an occasional cfer I’ve never had an issue getting the movements down for the classes I’ve attended. With that I’ll say, I’m coming with a decent base for weightlifting already.
        The best of both worlds may be trying out an introductory period rather than class pass. I’ve seen a few places around town offering one week-one month specials. That could give you all the onboarding you need to use class pass later.

        • thanks! that was my next question, if I paid for onboarding somewhere, if I could use my classpass after that and be ok. I would commit, but I love the freedom of taking unlimited cycling, yoga, crossfit, boxing, basically every class there is for only $100/month.

          • To answer the below question, yes. Workouts can vary wildly, but the movements are the same from place to place except some places may have more equipment than others. That’s why I recommended doing a trial period with one box to get a good feel for it…maybe you’ll learn you hate it even.

          • yeah, thats what I like about classpass too…if I hate it, never have to go back and I’m not stuck in a contract. But safety first!

      • that was my fear! do you think if i did an onboarding through another box, it’d be ok to go to those places? Or still a safety risk?

  • Rave: Thanks for all of the anxiety busters yesterday! I realize part of my problem is I don’t take time to breath. I’m always in go, go, go mode and that’s how I get overwhelmed. I took time to read before bed last night and it helped a lot. Going to make more of an effort to get at least 15 minutes of calm time in.

    • yay! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Glad you’re already feeling better. When reading through, I was surprised no one mentioned cutting back on alcohol. Drinking doesn’t always do it to me, but when it does I get anxiety in a BIGGGG way. If it was like that all the time I would give up drinking. I’m not sure if it’s an issue for you or not, but figured it was worth mentioning! Enjoy the calm time ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I just had a conversation about this with a friend yesterday. Wine can majorly trigger my anxiety, affect my sleep, and cause me to have really upsetting dreams. It doesn’t always happen but when it does, it’s really bad. My friend has the same problem. Definitely worth exploring!

    • “Iโ€™m always in go, go, go mode and thatโ€™s how I get overwhelmed. I took time to read before bed last night and it helped a lot”
      +1. I hope you keep it up, the effects will be cumulative if you regularly make time for stuff like this.

  • Rant & Rave: Made it to the end of my stint with the homicide division. Pretty jaded and not a believer that violent offenders can ever be “rehabilitated”. Grateful to have worked with an extremely dedicated group of attorneys and detectives, but also grateful to be moving on to felony II work.

    Rant: Given the patten of escalation, the folks I’m seeing now in felony II will make it to my friends in the homicide division soon enough.

    Rave: Family, friends and dog who always help balance out the dark stuff from work.

    • Whoa ๐Ÿ™ Good on you for making it through your time in homicide, I can’t even imagine how tough that stuff must be. Thank you for your service, whoever you are, and best of luck in the new position. Glad you have lights in your life, in the midst of really dark stuff.

  • Rave: working from home tomorrow! Yay!
    Rant: Missing the resources of the DC Diaper Bank. They do an AMAZING job, but Philly doesn’t have as wide a network – I love to host diaper drives and think it’s a great thing to do.
    Rave: Starting a drive on my own at my son’s pre-school!
    Rant: Missing my network of friends in DC.
    Rave: Texting

  • Does anyone have any news on an open date for the new Lowes at the end of South Dakota Ave NE by Costco?

    • justinbc

      Don’t have a date, but was just at Costco last night and it looks like pretty much all of the actual building is done, so all that’s left should be interior / utility work, which for a huge open store should be relatively easy.

  • Several months ago, someone who moves (J? Shawess?) recommended a company that provides reusable plastic moving boxes for rent. I meant to write it down, promptly forgot about it, and now can’t remember the name of the company. Any help out there?

    • was it elf boxes? there’s also rental box companies that aren’t plastic…

      • Yes, thank you! Now a rant – out office internet service is hosted out of Florida, and therefore the Elf site is only giving me options for pickup in Dade County. That is not convenient. Will have to check at home.

    • It wasn’t me, but I think Bookstore Movers provides this as an add-on service.

      • Thanks – we’ve already got a mover, and can’t chance because they have had 3 pallets of our stuff for 8 months.

        • We used wegobox for our recent move. The boxes were great and the delivery people were nice and helpful, but the woman on the phone is a little challenging to talk to if you need to make any changes from the online reservation.

  • Question- Help! What color shoes does one wear with a purple dress (this is for a friend’s wedding where she’s chosen purple for her bridesmaids)

  • Rant: Whole Foods in Foggy Bottom is the worst. Excuse how lame this sounds but seriously — where is my cold bar (not the lettuce-based salad bar)? Why do I have to stand in line to pay for food twice if I want groceries and lunch? Where are the non-expired chemical-free condoms? (Yes, Whole Foods had a sale today on expired condoms). At least they had coffee. I wish Foggy Bottom had better options for checking small groceries off my to-buy list and also, lunch.

    • That One Guy

      Chemical free? Um…what?

      • TMI – Because of allergies. But I always thought Whole Foods was better at like… keeping their shelves… not out-of-date. Of ALL things for them to overlook, probably not the best choice….

      • Lol! Didn’t know those existed or that Whole Foods sold them..

        • Ha! Yeah, it took me looking for emercen-c for me to stumble across them one day. Which is cool. ::shrug::

        • Blithe

          Yep! A friend highly recommended them to me a few years back — and I appreciated the male-perspective recommendation.

    • Selling out of date condoms?? Yeah, no thanks.

    • Anonynon

      whole foods are bad in general. The people who shop there to begin with, no thanks. I don’t feel like spending my whole paycheck for groceries.

      • Agreed about the ridiculous prices on some things, but I find their in-season produce and meats to be very reasonably priced (especially for getting single portions, like 1 chicken breast or steak, since I usually only feed myself and don’t like to eat the same thing every day for a week).

    • justinbc

      “Whole Foods had a sale today on expired condoms”
      I hope this is just a wording thing, and they weren’t having a sale JUST on the expired ones to get them gone or something.

      • Like, the only type that was on sale was a row of boxes that just expired. (But given that condoms usually have quite far-out expiration dates, I’d say that’s kind of sketchy.)

        • But is it even legal to sell expired condoms? Aren’t they FDA regulated? It’s not just the pregnancy aspect, it’s also the STI/D aspect!

          • ::shrug:: I could only imagine that whoever put the sale sign up didn’t realize. I was going to tell an employee but I was on my lunch break and didn’t see one in the area, so I just got my coffee and left to go eat.

  • That One Guy

    What am I supposed to be doing again? Feel like I’m barely making any progress on keeping all the spinning plates from crashing to ground.

  • Rave: Great run this morning really got my endorphins pumping!
    Rave: Almost at the end of a 6 week workout re-boot, feel stronger and more fit. Thighs are bigger which makes some pants not fit but oh well.
    Rave: Signed up for first tri – okay lottery – I guess this is happening in 2016.
    Rant: Movember – I look like a child molester…

  • Need recommendations: I’m in need of a new blush. I’ve used BareMinerals and MAC in the past but I want to try something new. I was thinking about trying the famous Nars blushes but read some reviews that say they are more a highlighter than a blush (I like something a bit pigmented). Any ideas?
    Rave: Lease in hand for next school year’s apartment. You have to secure housing so early here!
    Rant: It’s a bit of a college town sh*thole but I’m allowed to paint it and change whatever I want.
    Rave: The university’s child care program. Seeing little ones playing in the leaves while I head to class is an instant mood lifter.

    • Blithe

      Nars blushes are wonderful! Bobbi Brown is nice too — especially if you want something more subtle.

    • Re: blushes – I’m not sure how light or dark skinned you are, but if you can’t find a Nars blush that works for you, that would truly be a shame. I am extremely fair-skinned and use my “famous” Nars blush (with a light hand!) when I feel like I need some color and it does a fantastic job of perking up my complexion without making me look like I’m suffering from some sort of skin allergy! Another suggestion (haven’t tried yet, but heard good things about) would be to look at some of becca’s blushes.

      • Thank you both! I’m pretty pale so I’m glad to hear that Nars works well for you. What colors do you like?

        I will also look into Bobbi Brown. I use her eye makeup and really like it – not sure why I haven’t looked into the blushes.

    • The “famous” Nars blush is “Orgasm” and it’s got a lot of shimmer to it! Just FYI. Go try it on in a Sephora though and decide for yourself!
      I always highly recommend Tarte’s blushes. They last a really long time for me (usually there’s at least still a bit at the end of the day! rare for me with how much I touch my face) and are very pigmented.

      • Oh! I’ve never tried Tarte’s blushes but I love almost all of their products I’ve ever tried, I may need to look at their blushes!

      • Okay, it seems like a trip to Sephora is in order. I’m not sure how I feel about shimmery blushes so I will have to try it on. Tarte’s also sounds promising. Thank you!

      • +1 to the famous NARS blush., which is also my go-to. I think it would be great for your coloring, AliceinDC.

        • And I don’t think I’d describe it as shimmery! I usually run away from any makeup with that description and love this blush. It provides the kind of glowiness suggested by its name ๐Ÿ™‚ but without glittery sparkles.

          • agreed! I love my Nars! I just have to be having a really good (as in non-irritated at all) skin day to feel safe wearing any kind of blush!

          • The Super Orgasm has more shimmer.
            I have the Orgasm and I feel like I have to layer on more of it than I do other blushes, but I do like it.
            (Alternate writing of this sentence: I have orgasm, but I need to stroke it more aggressively to get it to where it works.)
            I’m pretty fair and cool and I like the lip and cheek stain from Benefit, Posietint.

          • oh my god, jeslett! I almost just cracked up in the middle of my cube reading that!

    • Emmaleigh504

      I use a Nars blush as eyeshadow, so at least one has good pigment.

  • Late Day Rant: People! Work! Lack of attention to detail, timeliness, and communication. Don’t call me a jerk via email when I try to push it along when you’re the one who is hours late!

Comments are closed.