Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Miki J.

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

191 Comment

  • I’d love some tips on buying a car. Budget is around $10k. Ok with a manual transmission.
    It seems like Carmax is more expensive, but a little less shady than dealers for used cars. But I’m ok haggling, since I’ll be paying cash.
    Any wisdom would be much appreciated! Also, thoughts on cars in that price range that you know and love. So far I’ve only driven the Mazda 3 sedan, and it’s fine, though I think I’d prefer a hatchback…

    • That One Guy

      If you’re part of a credit union you should consider applying for financing because you may receive a really good rate and increase your budget (even if you end up paying off 10k of the loan), see if they are partnered with true car for additional discount(s), make sure you research the car’s history for extensive work or car accidents.

      That said I’ve seen a bunch of used Jettas and minis available. I too am looking at cars right now.

    • I have a 2001 VW Golf that I love. We’ll need to trade it in sometime soon because we’re outgrowing it, but I love that car. I’ve heard really good things about the Mazda too, though, and I believe there is a Mazda 3 hatchback that is very similar to the Golf.

    • I bought a car this summer, and wanted to keep to the same budget. I ended up going a over, but got a newer/nicer car than I thought I could get for my money (2012 Jetta with less than 40K mi). I would suggest NOT going for Carmax. They are more expensive. Also, if you can, I suggest looking at dealers outside of the Beltway. The farther you go, with the higher the density of dealerships, the cheaper/better car you will get. I bought mine in the Baltimore area. You can also go to Southern Maryland. There are about 15 car dealerships within 5 miles of each other in Waldorf, and you can get great deals.

      • I will be purchasing a car in the next few months, but my research has just started, so I’ll be following this closely. I will say that my father-in-law has a 2011 or 2012 (I think) Mazda 3 5-door that I LOVE driving when I have the opportunity. I’m seriously considering one of them – recently got a quote from the Fitzautomall conglomerate on a medium/high trim package for under $19,000. I have to believe the used ones can be had for reasonable price.

      • +1 to looking outside the metro area. I actually bought my first car used from a dealership in PA. Worked out all of the details over the phone, then went up there and test drove/paid for it. I got it for so much cheaper than I would have had I bought something similar around here.

    • If you can bump your budget just a little to around $12k, you may have luck going to one of the dealers and buying a certified pre-owned car. They often come with some warranty/service included. This would be a great time to make a deal with a local VW dealership:)

    • I wouldn’t go to Carmax. They recently quoted me less than the dealership for buying my car when they’re supposed to be better? I’ve also had more success haggling with a dealership, but then again I’ve never actually had a transaction with Carmax. My wife bought her Mazda 3 from the dealership in Woodbridge couple years ago and negotiated a lower price since she was paying cash. I also owned a 2004 Jetta for nine years…bought it new, but it was a great car. Also had great customer service every time I went to the dealership. They even paid to fix something that was JUST out of warranty.

      • “They recently quoted me less than the dealership for buying my car when they’re supposed to be better?” I got the impression that they were supposed to be better for prospective buyers, not prospective sellers — someone was advising me against them when I was exploring the idea of selling my aging car. (It ended up being a moot point, as the car was totaled in an accident before I had made any moves to sell it.)

      • “…when they’re supposed to be better?”
        Are they? Why?

      • Accountering

        CarMax has a buy low, sell high model. For a car that would sell for $10,000 person to person, that a traditional dealership may give a trade-in of $9,250, Carmax will offer $8,500. They would then sell it for $11,500 or somewhere in that range. They aren’t a charity by any stretch of the imagination.

        • Interesting. Yeah, I guess I heard wrong, but I was under the impression they’d offer slightly more than a dealership. In reality, they offered a good deal less than the dealership. Carmax offered 17k and dealer quoted around 19k.

          • Was the dealer trading in or only buying your car from you? Generally you’ll always get more as a trade-in because they want you to buy a car from them.

          • Buying it. I am getting rid of the car since I am moving to Canada and I don’t need it.

      • That’s funny. We had a great experience selling our car with CarMax. The Toyota dealer where we bought the car and maintained it for years was offering us next-to-nothing for our car, but CarMax paid over the Kelly Blue Book value. So when we bought a year and a half ago, we went to CarMax again and had a great experience. (We came back from living overseas, had a 1-week rental and needed a car ASAP).

        • +1 I sold two cars to them and had a great experience! My understanding is that the price they’ll buy from you is based on what they think they can sell it for (and isn’t tied to KBB but their internal data)…so if you drive a car that’s in high demand, you’re more likely to get top dollar.

    • We live in DC but went out to Quantico to buy a used car from a dealership two years ago. A few tips:
      1. Google around for one of the checklists for looking over a used car before you buy. I think I used the one from bankrate. I also brought a little flashlight to look around under the hood and at the undercarriage for leaks before and after driving, etc. We negotiated a discount because the tires were worn and we knew we’d have to replace them soonish after buying, and how much the replacements would cost.
      2. Ask if you can take the car to your mechanic for an inspection. This dealer actually let us take the car for the entire weekend. If they balk, it may be a red flag.
      3. We were considering paying cash because we’re leery of debt, but ending up getting an awesome interest rate on a loan and were happy to use the cash for other things/investment. Something to consider.
      4. Get the Carfax report.
      5. Be familiar with the bluebook prices on the car you’re looking at. You want a good deal, but the seller won’t take you seriously if you are BSing with unrealistically low offers.
      6. We went though the classic car-buying negotiation process. Be prepared for the salesman to use the whole “I need to talk to my manager” charade during the negotiation process. You also may need to be ready to walk away. Our process was friendly enough, but I also said at one point that we were so far apart that I didn’t think we could get a deal done, didn’t want to waste our time or theirs, and gathered my stuff to go. That got some movement from them. Referring back to #1 and #5, they also knew that we knew what we were doing/talking about, which is probably why they didn’t want to let us go.
      Good luck!

      • Thanks all! Super helpful.
        About Carfax reports… how do you read that? I saw one that said there was an accident resulting in front right damage in 2013. But was it smashed headlight, or was the whole front end rebuilt in someone’s back yard?

        • I think that Carfax gets its info from police jurisdictions that report accidents, some body shops, and maybe insurance claims. So, there is the possibility that a car has been in an accident, but it was not reported and would not show up on Carfax. If I was interested in the car showing right front end damage, that’s one area I would ask my mechanic to focus on. For instance, put the car on the rack and check the undercarriage to make sure there is no lingering damage.

        • That One Guy

          That’s where a mechanic comes into play.
          Also be mindful that if the car has no carfax history of maintenance that you ask if the dealer has any other service record from the prior owner. They may not, so again this is where a mechanic comes into play.

      • I would add that you not only should you check the Carfax, but to ALSO get the Autocheck report. They will catch different things. My buddy bought a used volvo a few years back and recently sold to a dealer that informed him that the previous seller had cracked the odometer. He had only checked the Carfax, but the Autocheck would have revealed that fact.
        In fact, I’ve had friends who have benefited by selling to people who only checked Carfax; Autocheck (for some reason) had recorded and displayed an accident whereas it had slipped by Carfax. Not saying one is better than the other, just saying that you can and should do more diligence.

    • Not sure if it’s anything you’d be interested in, but during my recent car shopping I discovered just how cheap the new Nissan Versas are. They have a hatchback option also, you could get a brand new one for just over that budget. I don’t know anyone with a new one so I can’t say how great of a car it is but maybe worth considering.

  • Rave: My dad’s cancer has not spread!!! (Granted, he’s still terminal, but it has not spread!!!!)
    Rant: He refused the doctor’s suggestion that he re-take his driver’s test. (Everyone’s concerned)
    Rave: My friend made this amazing Moroccan veggie tangine last night and am inspired to try that this weekend
    Rave: My other friend surprised me with tickets to see “Beautiful” on Friday night as a late birthday gift!
    Rant?: While I was gone this weekend, the cat taught herself to slam her little cat body into the door of the guest room until it opens and she can run in there (she doesn’t do anything in there, she just can’t stand that the door is always closed). Now I have to think about getting a better door — it’s flimsy — but I have to applaud her, even though she’s not allowed to go in there.

      • I mean, I know it’s still terminal, but he was totally right last weekend when we told him (again) that he was going to get a scan to find out if the cancer had spread, he said “My cancer is doing just fine.”
        Although it doesn’t change the inevitable, it’s still wonderful news to hear.

        • I don’t know if you feel this way, but my thoughts are: every good day I get with my dad is a blessing. The inevitable is what it is, I just want as many good days as I can get. I hope you get a lot of good days with your dad.

          • I feel the exact way that you do. I want good days, too. It’s significantly more difficult now with his dementia on top of the cancer, but yes, definitely a blessing. I hope you also get a lot of good days with your dad!

        • anonymouse_dianne

          We are ALL terminal.

    • Yay on your dad! So glad to hear that.

    • SinSA, this is such great news about your dad. I’m smiling here at my desk.

    • I Dont Get It

      Love all your raves especially #1! I’d love to go see Beautiful–please post a review!

    • Glad to hear that the cancer has not spread!
      And that is a cute quasi-rant about your cat. (Has she been in Afternoon Animal Fix yet?)

    • Blithe

      Wonderful first Rave! Glad to hear the good news about your dad!

  • Rave: My separation bonus and all that should be deposited this week – that was faster than I expected. Pleasantly surprised!
    Rant: The epic amount of taxes taken out from the VSIP/Leave. Good lord.
    Rave: seems my son likes preschool. He hasn’t really been upset at drop off. Next week is the first full week (thanks, Jewish holidays) so fingers crossed it stays that way.
    Rave: DC’s proposed family leave bill.

    • Accountering

      Did they tax your VSIP/Leave at 25%? Or at income tax rates?
      Federal Income Tax withholding is set up to tax any payment you get like you make that every check, which is why your 10K bonus means you get taxed like you make an extra $260k/year.
      If your payroll people coded it as a bonus (they should have) it will only be taxed at 25% – otherwise it is taxed at normal income, and it could be much higher. Either way, you get a lot of it back when you file your return in a few months.

      • income I believe. I probably won’t get it back because of our income (rentals, property sales), and even if we end up getting it, I need it now 🙂 but it’s ok – I knew it would happen! Just glad I’m getting in this week.

  • Rave: Walking by the CHEC marching band practice on my way to the metro in the morning.
    Rant: Was so excited to break out the boots, only to find out that they barely fit. Pregnancy swelling? Unclear. I wore them anyways–hope I won’t regret it tonight!
    Rave: Date night tonight! So excited to eat a yummy dinner at Rasika!

    • Accountering

      Jealous of Rasika! I haven’t been in forever – I should go again soon!

    • my favorite restaurant – enjoy! It’s really crazy how it’s like the only restaurant I miss, and we have tons of great indian food in philly. But Rasika is just SO GOOD. I could live on Palak Chaat.

    • I don’t recognize “CHEC”. What band practices during morning commute? (Former band geek, I’d actually like to watch for a few minutes.)

      • Columbia Heights Educational Campus (houses both Bell & Lincoln, though I believe the marching band is for Bell, the high school)–they practice on the football field on Hiatt Place (parallel to 14th st, runs between Irving and Park).
        I’m also a former band geek, which is probably why I love it so much.

    • +1 on the band. That’s one thing I’m going to miss when I move…

  • That One Guy

    Rant: Waiting patiently for the world to end. Was there an ETA posted on when it’s going to happen? Don’t feel like working.
    Rave: Earl Grey tea. So delicious.

  • Rave: signed proposal with architect to move forward with designs and schemitics for conversion.
    Rant: design/review/permit status is about 6-7 months.
    Rave/Rant? What will the DC housing market be like then?
    Lets see who can guess what J used to Be in DC condo will sell for: I say 509K

  • Rave: My Butternut squash soup was perfect. I’m going to do chicken noodle next.

    Rant: Disinterested vendors at Tech Day yesterday. I specifically set out to chat with a particular vendor because they had service I needed. The guy acted like he didn’t really want to talk to me. Like I want to give you money! Maybe pretend to be interested?

  • Rave: For the Shah and Shah fans out there, Emily Townley, a former designer/salesperson at Shah and Shah has one of the leads in Bad Dog, playing at the Olney Theater through 10/25 as part of the Women’s Voices Theater Festival. In addition to Emily, the cast is fantastic (particularly Holly Twyford), and the show has gotten excellent reviews.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: I wish people would quit trying to talk to me, I am not in the mood.
    Rave: another good night of sleep, even if I did have to wake up butt early.

    • +1 to your rant. When I am in a mood, I just want to be left alone. And that always seems to be the time when people want to get chatty.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Even the normally silent security guards wanna be chatty. I do not have the energy for small talk today!

  • Anonomnom

    Rave: Its my birthday! Getting taken out for a surprise tonight.
    Rant: The world will likely end before I find out the surprise -_- Oh well.
    Rave: All the coffee.

  • Philosophical query: When we make the care of the needy reliant on charitable giving are we as a society privatizing our public moral responsibilities?

  • Rant: Office is freezing. I want to go home and drink tea and be snuggly under my blankets.
    Rant: Feeling anxious and hyper-aware this morning about my health, relationships… everything. It’s making me cranky and I wish I could put the breaks on it better.
    Rave: Three day weekend full of fun activities coming up. Thank goodness.

  • Rave: Like SinSa, I have good news on the dad cancer front. His lung cancer has responded amazingly well to treatment. We are still waiting on results to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread to his brain, and he may have to do another round of chemo and radiation, but this outcome is so much more encouraging than any of us anticipated. At the beginning of the year, I honestly feared my dad would never get a chance to meet my future kid. And it looks like that will happen and that, hopefully, he’ll even get to see the little one grow up a bit.
    Rave: I had an awesome vacation in Europe.
    Rant: Jet lag.
    Rave: Sleeping in your bed after time away is the very best thing.

  • Rant: I feel so bad on my jo9b right now. I’ve made a host of embarrassing mistakes lately that I know my boss has noticed but he hasn’t said anything yet. Feeling like I’m losing my touch with my job. I used to be good. I’ve gotten awards during my performance reviews. Not sure what to do.
    Rave: Empire comes on tonight!
    Rave/rant: I like Scream Queens cause I need a good laugh before I go to bed. I think I’m the only person over the age of 30 who does.

  • Rave: Undefeated in my first-ever work football fantasy league! 4-0-0! Hoping to keep the streak alive!
    Rant: My PoPville log-in can’t be remembered on multiple devices (if I say Remember Me on my work PC, my log-in is “forgotten” on my iPhone, so I keep having to re-log-in in both places.. back and forth!)
    Rant: Flu shot I got last week left a hefty bruise on my arm. Still there. WTH.

  • Rave: Dreams of black and white cookies and apple crisps have me in the mood to bake today.
    Rave: Wife was ridiculously excited over the Microsoft announcements yesterday. It was kind of cute.
    Rave/Rant: I officially need to get bigger clothes. The bump has gotten to the point where it is noticeable in a lot of my outfits and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

    • Can’t remember how far along you are, but if you’re in the awkward phase that bridges your regular clothes & maternity clothes, check out the belly bands.

      • I’m about 14 weeks along and I’m definitely in the awkward phase. My wardrobe consists mostly of dresses so I don’t know if I have any option other than getting new clothes. Everything I tried on this morning just didn’t seem to hang right on my body.

        • FWIW, I’ve had really good luck with Gap maternity clothes and you can always get big discounts on them through online sales or coupons. Amazon.com also has some surprisingly nice, affordable maternity clothes. I’ve had good luck with the Momo Maternity brand there. The Ingrid & Isabel brand is more expensive, but I wear the leggings and t-shirts I got from them every opportunity I have. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them postpartum, too, because they’re so comfortable and have really good coverage.

        • If you’re mostly a dress person, then you might need some dresses in a looser fit/next size up. Elastic waist pants (designed for under the bump, rather than a panel) should also work if that sounds appealing. I like my maternity clothes from Kohls a lot, if that helps–and they also obviously have non-maternity clothes that might work better for the next month or two. Good luck!

        • I am 15 weeks and wearing my first pair of maternity pants (from Gap) today. It’s amazing how much better I feel. Sadly I don’t have a bump yet but regular pants were starting to hurt.

        • There are two second hand stores in the area for maternity and baby/kids clothes. I got 80% of my wardrobe there, and every frou-frou Christmas dress my kids have ever worn.
          Kensington Caboose, and Wiggle Room in Bethesda. Took the sting out of buying temporary clothes.

  • Revel: Oldest Anonachild fell asleep reading Harry Potter last night. I KNEW he would love that book, but he was overwhelmed with all the text and how big the books are and just wouldn’t start. We got the illustrated version yesterday (which is GORGEOUS), I read the first chapter aloud to all the kids, and then he just didn’t want to stop! This makes my heart happy.
    Rave: 3.5 day weekend coming up!

  • Rave: This is a good month.
    Rave: Date night, she’s planning.
    Rave: Planned to stay out late last night then office opened late today. Winning!
    Rave/rant: Lots of interest in my room, but many people who don’t read. I’ve gotten smokers, ppl without jobs, and people looking for really short-term housing. Usually takes a couple emails to figure it out.

    • I experienced this a lot when we listed our house. People asked questions that were addressed in the listing. I chalked it up to them reading/looking at multiple listings and not remembering which one was mine. The most annoying one was, I need to move in Oct 1. Ummm no, the house is available Nov 1! More annoying–people who made an appointment and then didn’t show or email to say they couldn’t make it. I emailed one woman asking if she was coming and she responded: “No, sorry I missed our appointment. I had multiple things I was juggling today. Thanks for understanding!”

      • Ugh! Yes, people don’t read and don’t have their crap togeter. After my subtenant left my place a mess this summer, his comeback was that I didn’t tell him I only had a twin-sized bed and that I should buy an “adult bed.” I went back and counted and not only was “twin-bed” stated in my listing — but I reiterated it later in 3 separate emails. Wtf is with people.

      • Yep — there are a lot of potential renters on Craigslist with reading comprehension problems.

      • I just had that exact thing happen. She wanted to move in 2 weeks early. No! You could easily airbnb for a couple weeks while you look for something permanent.
        So far so good. No no shows, and ppl have promptly rescheduled if they had to work late.
        Second room was shown once and rented. I can only hope for the same luck.
        “Adult bed” ha!

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave: I have my *annual* physical (if you don’t count the three year gap) Monday morning at 8:00 am which means
    Rant: I have four days to lose 30 pounds to get to my goal weight.
    Rant: When the re-org was announced a month ago we were told there would be some additional fine tuning to be announced. Yesterday it was announced and there was a major shuffling of the deck. My group moved to another VP again and a group was added to our department. WTF! One team was spun off to report directly to their customer group and we were told that if this is successful, other groups my follow. This is not good news!
    Rave/Rantish: My high school class had a significant reunion last weekend. From looking at the Facebook pics it appears that there was small turnout and most were locals. Is attending a high school reunion no longer cool? Was it ever cool?

    • “Is attending a high school reunion no longer cool? Was it ever cool?” I think it depends on how well-organized it is, who attends, and what your classmates were like in the first place. I went to reunions for both of my high schools a few years ago and had fun at both.

      • I also think it depends on your age. I think Facebook has made the idea of a reunion pretty unnecessary because if you want to know what people are doing, it’s generally there. But mom dad recently organized his 50th and they had a huge turnout and a great time (it was a whole weekend). My mom’s 50th is next and they are working to get a good attendance. If it’s well planned and more than just meeting at a bar, I think people over a certain age would enjoy it.

    • Blithe

      Depends on the high school. At least one Dunbar HS class met regularly for 75 years — and enjoyed it immensely. That seems beyond cool to me. My HS class doesn’t meet as far as I know. I guess someone has to spearhead the effort. Oh well.

    • It may also depend on the organizers and whether they even remember you to invite you. I wasn’t invited to my 10 year or 15 year reunion. When I was notified about the 20th reunion, all of the dates for turning in the money had passed. I don’t know what that was all about.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Master Blaster

    • I Dont Get It

      The few people I’m still interested in I keep in touch with Facebook. I’m sure if I went I would have had a good time since the people there are so darn Midwestern nice there but there were just a handful I would have looked forward to seeing.

      I’m sure it was well organized but somewhat predictable. My high school is obsessed with tradition and whatever the previous class did, your class must do because that’s “how it is done.” Yes I wouldn’t mind going to the Germania Maennerchor every so often but Not.Every.Reunion. Plus these westside Germans are notably frugal and any event costing over $25 would be considered outrageous.

  • Rave: Chatted with my best friend for an hour last night. I needed that, and so did she!
    Rant: What happened to the sun? I swear it was beautiful when I left the house this morning. Meh.
    Rant: Arm is still really sore, not sure if I can do yoga tonight.
    Rant: Cranky. Can’t pin down a reason, I’m just cranky!

  • Rant: Feeling nauseated/pukey so many mornings these days, probably because of stress. Just makes the stress worse when I spend my commute feeling like I am gonna barf (or worse) on the bus or train. Ugh.

    Revel: I noticed that Anon Spock is one of the few people on the Internet who actually spell “free rein” correctly and I’m giving her a virtual handshake of gratitude.

    • LOL Thanks
      So many misused, misspelled phrases.

      • “walking down the isle”
        “for all intensive purposes”
        Those are my two favorites.

        • I’m pretty sure we had a RRRR a couple weeks ago where people kept saying their throat was “soar,” although that’s not a phrase. I still giggled a little because no one corrected it for comments and comments!

          • The Prince frowns upon commenters correcting other commenters for that kind of thing. Trust me — when people misspell things here and no one corrects them, it’s not because nobody noticed.

          • Well, to be fair, there is a disclaimer on the RRRR page everyday saying “No need to correct people’s grammar or spelling,” so…..

          • Apologies, I wasn’t clear. I didn’t mean another person correcting someone — I meant the 5-6 people who commented after the original poster ALSO spelled it wrong! No one changed the pattern until the 6th or 7th commenter! I just found it really funny….

        • My favorite is:

          ….begs the question.

          It’s so consistently misused that I not only don’t bother correcting anyone, but I also try to not even hear/read it. I am training my brain to just edit it out of cognition.

          • That’s one of those awful things like “loan” as a verb, and “literally” to mean figuratively that has become common (wrong) use. The battle is lost. We can only try to move on and rebuild our lives.

          • Oh, and “incidences.” As in “there have been multiple incidences of street harassment in front of that CVS.” Not incidents. Not incidence. Some unholy combination.
            (For everyone who hasn’t noticed this, I’m sorry. You will now hear it everywhere.)

  • Rant: I’m a contractor on a new job (~6-mo). Love it. But a client is saying and writing very inappropriate things to me. While my company has a non-retaliation policy, they could definitely take me off of this project and put me on a worse one, further away from home, and who knows what else. But this guy just will. not. stop.

    Rave: There have been a good deal of life hassles lately, but finally I’m getting good at handling it all without totally getting flustered.

    • What kind of inappropriate stuff?

      • It wasn’t bad at first. Saying I looked nice that day, or crap like that. But then it got worse. I have saved IMs from him (that he sent on the gov’t computer, mind you) saying things like (these are actual quotes) “i could never sit next to you, even with you in line-sight, bad idea, i’m so weak” and “everything seems to be a struggle today, and to top that off, i had a crazy urge to bite your right calf”. WTF. I’m married, so is he, I have never sent any sort of signal that it was ok, and I have asked him to please be professional. But it hasn’t worked. And I’m a serious introvert, it’s hard for me to even ask him to do that without it getting me stressed out.

        • Ugh. Have you read “The Gift of Fear”? It should have some strategies for conveying to him more forcefully that this behavior is unacceptable.

          • BTW, I should add that I didn’t mean to imply that his terrible behavior is in any way your fault — just that if going to HR is not an option and you’re stuck with this guy, “The Gift of Fear” might help. It touches on how women are acculturated into being “polite,” not making a fuss, etc., etc., and how that can undermine them when dealing with jerks like this guy.

        • That’s pretty obscene, and would make me sick to my stomach to come to work. Could you say something to your company’s HR department on how best to handle it, letting them know your concerns about being moved?

          • I Dont Get It

            He needs to be shut down. You are no doubt not the first he has done this to and won’t be the last. Go to HR and ask for assistance and express you fears of being moved. I can’t imagine the client wants the potential liability of having this jerk acting this way.

          • Yeah, he does the “flirty” thing with everyone. And everyone loves him. I think it’s disgusting and had to remind him yet again today to please not come up behind me and shake my chair or pretend to punch me in the shoulder or anything. I’m done. I no longer wear dresses or skirts, which are basically what I live in. I have to avoid walking one way down a hallway so I don’t run into him. But the problem is, I’m a part of a HUGE company. HR is up in NYC. And anyhow, from what I hear, HR is to help the company, not the individual. I’ve heard horror stories of people reporting all sorts of concerns and while they say they don’t retaliate, they definitely do in certain ways. I can’t afford to lose this gig, and I don’t want to be the new girl that comes in and gets this super loved guy who has been there for many years in trouble.

            On another note, I have not heard of that book. I’m going to download it tonight. I need a backbone.

          • Do you think everyone just pretends to like him hoping he’ll stop or they can ignore it? People have different coping mechanisms. (Also, is “everyone” else a guy?)

          • @ I Don’t Get It: +10000. They are never that awful with only one colleague. We had a similar guy at my office. After he finally got fired, absolutely every woman in the office had a story about him being at least inappropriate. The worst stories were downright predatory.

            @ Anon: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

          • HaileUnlikely

            I work for a large employer who has a dedicated hotline to report sh!t like that confidentially, and the reports are investigated by staff whose sole job function is to investigate those sorts of things. Honestly, I do not think that is widely known – I have been here since 2005 and first learned of the existence of that dedicated hotline just last year. My point is that your employer may have something similar that is not widely known.

          • To follow on HaileUnlikely’s suggestion, if your office doesn’t have a designated helpline, perhaps there is an ombudsman who might be able to advocate for you?

          • I Dont Get It

            “And everyone loves him.” Could it be that everyone thinks everyone else loves him?

        • Sorry you have to deal with this. Do you have an employee handbook for guidance on documenting and reporting this stuff? Make sure you document everything as it happens – date and time, what happened, who was there, as it happens. Keep copies of these IMs.

          You mention that you told this guy to “be professional.” You should also tell him specifically to stop (especially in writing): “Steve, that comment is inappropriate and makes me uncomfortable. Do not make comments like that to me.” “Steve, please do not touch me or my chair.” If the idea of such a confrontation in the moment is stressful, you can have these scripted and ready to go when something like this happens. And keep records of your telling him that his behavior is inappropriate and he needs to stop. The Gift of Fear is a great book, BTW.

          • Great suggestions – I would add to be firm and say things llike _ Don’t do that again, I don’t like it.
            Please don’t use the word please – then it comes across as a suggestion, or optional.
            Sorry you’re going thru this OP.

    • At the very least please go speak with your immediate supervisor about it.

    • Just wanted to offer my sympathies here. I once worked for a company whose HR department, if you could call it that, was entirely dedicated to protecting the company, not employees, and retaliation was a very real threat. I hope you will look into possible options like an ombudsman or confidential whistleblowing line so you can use these options if they do exist. But if they don’t, I really feel for you. These are the sorts of things that I’d never think of asking about during the interviewing process, but it’s amazing how much of a difference it can make in company culture and job satisfaction.

    • You mentioned that this is a client and that he sent inappropriate comments from a government computer. Is he a federal employee? If so, you might try reporting to your HR and to the Contracting Officer’s Representative for the agency and requesting an investigation into harassment. You could also try the agency’s Inspector General’s office.

  • I just got fit for invisalign, and I’m so excited. I’m in my 30s, and I’m taking care of some of those cosmetic things that make a huge difference in confidence level. Next step, dating…

    • Good luck. And please stick with it. I went through the entire process of being fitted and started my first 3 rounds of trays and all I’m left with today is gaps in between my teeth because I didn’t finish my cycle. To this day it still up sets me. I only needed 6 months for the top and 12 months for the bottom. Not to mention the $5000 I wasted.

  • topscallop

    Rave: promotion is moving forward, albeit slowly. I should have been pushing harder for it, sooner, but I think I suffer from a lack of political savvy/ambition. I’m ambitious in that I want to do my job well, and keep learning, but not about titles or money, though at this stage in my career I probably should care about those things more than I do. The extra income will help a LOT in repaying my grad school loans and starting to actually save money.
    Rave: new guy (I need to get used to saying boyfriend again) is meeting some friends of mine tonight.
    Minor rant: I keep forgetting to put out all the trash the night before it gets picked up. The cans are at the curb, but there’s still stuff in the house I wanted gone. Oh well, at least it can go outside and wait for next week, it doesn’t have to sit by the door for another week.

    • Re your rave: It is weird saying boyfriend, isn’t it? I just had this discussion with one of my best friends a few days ago. I’m glad to hear it’s going well. Meeting the friends is a great milestone!

  • Blithe

    Rant: People used to be “souls”, then “citizens”, then “consumers”, and now we’re often just data. This — to me — does not feel like progress. This thought tugs me into a morass every 3 months or so..
    Rave: I found a ring that I’d misplaced. Major Yay!
    Rave: I got a service charge removed from a bank account. It’s nice when calling customer service actually works well.
    Rave: Playing shuffling Doc Martens. Silver Suede? Classic Red? Or teeny tiny flowers?
    Rave: Warm carrot juice for breakfast. Sounds disgusting — but it’s not.

  • Rant: It appears someone stole our…recycling can! Seriously, who does this?! Some people have like 4 cans so wondering if one of my neighbors grabbed it by mistake. Unfortunately, it’s not marked like our trash can. Can we order a new one?
    Rave: Fall

    • You can order a new one, but you have to pay for it — I think $32 or so.

      • From the DPW website: “Non-seniors will continue to pay $62.50 for a Supercan or $45 for a 32-gallon trash cart or recycling cart.”

    • It may have just been an honest mistake that can be easily corrected. One week, we couldn’t find our can and it turned out one of our neighbors had grabbed it because the trash collectors had dropped it off further down the block and it wasn’t well marked. We just took it back the next week after collections.

    • Also, I’m not 100% sure but I _think_ DPW might have on file which serial number corresponds to which residence. If they do, you could try matching up the number for the missing bin with the unmarked bins in your alley.

    • I’ve had a neighbor’s can for weeks, and they’ve had mine. I’d go with honest mistake to start. And if you do get a new one, paint it hot pink.
      These new cans are the pits. I don’t recall the old ones being quite so flimsy; ALL the trash cans I see have tidy rat-sized holes chewed through them.

      • I Dont Get It

        Along with writing my house number outside and inside the lid with a sharpie, I bought a few panda stickers and letter stickers. “Good morning” it says inside the lid. I’m hoping the trash collectors appreciate it and ever since doing this no one has inadvertently grabbed my can.


    • Thanks for the tips guys! I’ll keep an eye out for it this Friday.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: Along with wishing people would stop trying to make small talk, I also wish people (my AO) would quit explaining to me why “Columbus Day” is problematic. I fu**ing know! Just let me enjoy the idea of a 3 day weekend for a little bit before you get preachy.

  • Rant: I was running down 7th Street NW between P and O – right next to the Kennedy Recreation Center – the other night, and an elderly man with a cane and a fedora extended his cane in front of me. I was able to jump over it mid-stride, but he then proceeded to smack my butt with it. It didn’t really hurt, but it might have had more of an impact if he hit me in the other direction.

    I once saw this same man hitting the side of a firetruck that was responding to a call at that building on the southwest corner of 7th and O NW. This isn’t a huge deal, but it was startling

    • I would have called the police, tbh. Isn’t that assault? I don’t care how old someone is if they touch or hit me unprovoked. That’s not ok.

  • Rave: Quitting my job!
    Rant: …because there were some really, really disconcerting financial improprieties I discovered.
    Rave/rant: My husband can support the both of us, but maaaaaaan this is an unsettling feeling. At least we have the savings, I keep telling myself.
    Rave: This’ll give me a lot more time to hone some skills I’ve been wanting to do, and start some other projects.
    Rant: That dread fear that I’ll never find another job and languish as a housewife (there are worse things, to be sure, but my type-A personality is having a panic attack on the daily, haha.)

    • “languish as a housewife”?
      Well, bless your heart.

      • Yeah, it’s a very poor choice of words, but with no kids + a degree I’m not actively using, it kind of sums up the unease I’m feeling. “Languish as an unproductive member of society” is FAR more accurate. My (sincere!) apologies.

      • Accountering

        If you aren’t interested in being a housewife, this would be “languishing” to her. I don’t see this as offensive to housewives, just her saying she wasn’t interested in doing that.

        • Thank you – that was totally what I was going for, but the flurry of activity hasn’t made for the clearest brain today. In the words of the illustrious Amy Poehler, “Good for her. Not for me!”

  • Rant: I graciously, let me repeat, *graciously* offered to loan out some of my time, about 2-4 hours a week to another group to help with a project of theirs. Now their project manager is sending me passive aggressive emails asking me if I’m going to do the things we agreed I would do.
    Honey, the meeting ended 3 hours ago and if you look at my calendar I have other meetings today. Cool your bleach blond jets, I will get to it. And you can stop monitoring when I am typing during the meeting. I’ve been doing this long enough that I don’t have to write down what everyone says to document the outcome of the meeting.
    Rave: I’ve been doing this long enough that I’ve heard it all before and I am no longer phased by this.

  • Rant: I’m pretty sure I got bit by a mosquito on the inside of my nose. This is a new sensation, and not in a good way!
    Rave: Productive week
    Rave: All the good news on popville – yay that cancer isn’t spreading, babies are coming, etc….
    Rant: So busy that I can’t keep up,
    Rave: but I will be ordering some gel top coat!

  • I Dont Get It

    Triple Bonus Rant: My boss sent me a Lync message asking if she could call me via Lync, which is always a gamble, so I replied “Roll those dice” but somehow it came out as “Roll those d*cks”.

  • Accountering

    Meh, if one lives in DC for more than 183 days of the year, work in DC, and don’t fit the limited exemptions, one should be filing and paying DC Income taxes. To do otherwise is fraud.
    If the “one” above, matches you, then you should not be offended that people were giving you accurate information, and explaining that it is fraudulent to do same. If it doesn’t match you, then you shouldn’t be offended either, as the information you provided certainly lent itself to the situation above being true, and it was simply a description of your circumstances that were missing necessary details.

    • This has nothing to do with giving information. It has to do with the fact that people make what seem to be harmless statements, are then questioned to death, and are then accused of being stupid when they don’t want to devulge the necessary details. It has to do with complete anonymous strangers making me feel like I’m doing something wrong when I never asked for an opinion, and am, by my knowlege, not doing anything wrong. Would anyone here like to pay for me to see a tax professional… again?! Because I can’t afford it!
      This was just the straw that broke my back in a long chain of things that have made me wish I never intervened in the BagelBoy thing and stayed. I wish there was a way to erase any sign of my presence here. Yes, I may have gone crazy today but y’all are yoo much sometimes.

      • If you hadn’t offered the information that you live in D.C. but do not have D.C. residency and file taxes elsewhere, nobody would have said anything. If you provide information, don’t be surprised when people comment on that information. I don’t think anyone was commenting maliciously — more like saying, “Umm, maybe you thought you didn’t need to become a D.C. resident, but given that you’re employed full-time, you probably don’t qualify for one of the exceptions.”

        • Whatever. It was nice knowing you guys! Thanks for the laughs at times. I’ll be focusing my time elsewhere from here on out.

        • Waves bye…..slow clap. Slow clap.

        • Wow, the snarky anonymi are in rare form today, even for them. Hope they’re proud of themselves. FridayGirl, it pains me to see you go. Jerks — 1, PoPville — 0.

    • Also, I do pay DC income taxes! That’s what I said originally!!! But because of receprocity I don’t believe I will see the benefits! I can’t understand why this turned into such a misunderstanding.

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