“Am I losing my mind? A story of irrational neighbor nonsense”


“Dear Neighbors, Friends, and Rational Humans,

I am writing to share with you the ongoing frustration my roommates and I endure at the hands of an irrational neighbor. We have lived above her for about a year and a half, and she is constantly complaining, or suggesting things we should do differently. Almost every complaint we have received since moving in has been either trivial, irrational, or both. This neighbor is the queen of passive aggressive text messages, emails, and even the occasional hand drawn sign (see above).

She actually hung that sign on the banister next to our front door and expected us to leave it there to inform guests, and even the mail carriers, that we are all being too loud on the stairs. Aside from not “treading lightly” when entering and exiting the house, past complaints have included “we can hear you closing doors and flushing toilets” (seriously?), a bike being parked in the backyard that is a “fire hazard and an eye sore”, and she even blamed us for some illegal dumping of old furniture that occurred in HER parking spot, and instead of asking if it was us, she just assumed that it was and went ahead and contacted our management company about it behind our backs. The list goes on and on.

After many many months of trying to be neighborly and just sucking it up and conceding to her ridiculous demands, I finally lost my temper this weekend. She sent me a text on Saturday morning to let me know that a car was blocking her ability to get out of her spot, in the attached picture, her car is the grey one. the screenshot of the text messages shows the conversation that occurred between us.


This picture was taken at the time of the incident, she clearly has plenty of space to back up a few feet and easily pull out of her spot. Before I even got the chance to read her response to my message, she was angrily knocking on our door to yell at us to move the car immediately. I lost my temper. I told her there was plenty of space and that as a matter of principle I would not move the car. I then told her I would go out there and move HER car for her. She obviously didn’t like that idea very much. After this, voices were raised, obscenities were thrown around liberally, and my roommate who is much more patient than I am said he would move the car. My roommate received a passive aggressive thank you, doors were slammed, and that was the end of it.

Please, PLEASE, for the sake of my sanity tell me that this is absurd. I could have given the keys to an 8 year old and watched them pull out of this parking spot with ease. Its not like she attempted to get out and couldn’t do it, she just looked at the cars and decided it wasn’t possible. Why create all this drama? I simply contributed to the drama myself because I’m sick of these absurd demands. What’s her excuse? I think that she, since she owns her unit and we rent ours, just gets some sick satisfaction out of telling us what to do. For me, this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and I just couldn’t let her get away with it.

Who is being unreasonable here? Me or her? How does one deal with this type of nitpicking? I mean, pick your battles, right? At this point I’m just going to tell her to send her complaints to my more patient roommate, or directly to my landlord. Dealing with her directly is affecting my blood pressure, and my overall mental health.”

202 Comment

  • So… was your guest in her spot or not?

    • OP’s guest was parked in OP’s spot. Neighbor is off her rocker. Great marker skills though…

    • The guest was parked in their parking spot. The issue was that she claimed they were blocking her in.

      • So her claim that “they are half in my spit (sic)”? If she was correct, then your guest should move out of her spot. If she was full of it, then ignore her. If her neighbor was in her spit, then she should not be spitting on either of you.

        • +1. Hahaha…

        • Oh, I am not the OP. I was trying to be helpful, but clearly can’t read! I was just thrown off by the spelling error in her text and didn’t catch that she was claiming they were half in her “spit.” FWIW, I agree with you. Don’t let yourself get drawn into shouting (spitting?) matches. Just ignore her or move out.

      • YOU were being totally unreasonable OP and needed to just moved your guest car. Her view is it was hard to get out of parking space, doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree. It was your responsibility to move a guest car.
        You think you are being quiet inside but she thinks you are being loud. Doesn’t make her crazy. she might be more sensitive to sound, and you may be louder than you think
        The note she posted, isn’t it better to make a nice note than to write “quiet down you elephants”? Doubt she went out to buy markers just for this

    • I agree it is ridiculous for her to act like she couldn’t get out of her spot. But maybe she, too, was at her breaking point with–from *her* perspective, regardless whether correct–crazy inconsiderate neighbors, and wanted to make a point on principal about someone being in her spot.
      Your initial text response has quite a bit of tone in it. I’m not surprised it escalated.

      • If someone threatened to tow my legally-parked car, I’d have have “tone,” too.

        • +1000 she didn’t even give them a chance before she said she’d have it towed! (I wonder if she *actually* could have…)

          • She didn’t threaten to have it towed. She offered the tow number so they could have it towed. The “if not” there was presumably “if it’s not yours or your guests'” and not “if you aren’t going to move it.”

          • Right, I think we get that now that someone mentioned it, anon. But the first 20 or so responses to this read it in the same was as the OP. Whether that was framing or very poor choice of words on the neighbors part, I don’t know.

          • It was meaner than that, though. It wasn’t, “Here’s friendly information about clearing your space!” It was, “Move it or have it towed within the next 30 minutes because it’s blocking me in.” I read it as somewhat passive-aggressive.

        • See, I read “I can give you the info for towing” as an offer to provide the name of a good towing shop, since if someone not the OP/friend of the OP is parked in the OP’s spot, OP does need to call a towing company to have the interloper dealt with.

      • Oh noes. I am not the OP; I just have a reading comprehension problem. This is what I get for procrastinating and meddling.

  • if we’re talking crazy-dangerous, move.

    otherwise, time to start stomping all over your apartment, and leaving the TV on really loud when you leave for work.

  • I don’t think it’s too much to politely ask you to walk around quietly or to not park so closely. Perhaps the way she went about it was odd, but not absurd.

  • Good lord… you monster.

  • The time to stop acceding to her demands was a long ago. It seems like she enjoys these little power trips and feeds off getting you to comply with them. I’d just ignore her going forward.

    • +1. Someone as sensitive as this neighbor should not be living in a multi-unit building, or a city. If she can’t handle normal noise/slight inconveniences, she should move. It’s not up to everyone else to accommodate her hyper-sensitivity.

      • DC CapHill

        Is everyone set to COMPLETELY ignore the fact that this Woman OWNS her unit? Let me repeat that….OWNS. She may be overprotective, and perhaps a bit passive/aggressive in her communication, but she is CLEARLY invested (no pun intended,) in this property. In her space, in the orderly upkeep and general karma of HER domicile. Is OP taking zero ownership for any of their actions that let to some of this? Imagine for a second that as a renter you are automatically the enemy of the OWNER.

        1. You let a guest park in your parking space. Hey cool, but couldn’t you have at least made sure that they actually parked in YOUR space? Especially knowing this was probably going to set off your sensitive neighbor? Could you have maybe sent a polite text notifying her that someone was guest parking there and to let you know, first, if there was an issue?

        Be positively preemptive, and I bet this neighbor changes their tune.

  • We’ve all had annoying neighbors, but she did say please and otherwise her tone in the text was pretty nice. Sorry, OP–I think you were the unreasonable one here! But can’t blame you…we all erupt at some point:)

    • The kindness was pretty effectively canceled out by the threat to tow the vehicle (which wasn’t impeding her ability leave).

    • “Please move your car out of your own parking spot or I’ll get it towed” isn’t a polite request no matter how pleasantly it’s phrased.

      • I think the towing suggestion was if it wasn’t their guest’s car, since she offered to give them the number, not have it towed herself.

      • Wait a minute, she didn’t threaten to tow the car. She said “is it your guest’s car and if so can you ask them to move it,” and then “if it’s not your guest’s car, I can get you towing info.” It sounds like she was saying — if you don’t know who the car belongs to, it should be removed. I can’t really see the pic well, but if she is the car in back, it does seem like it would be hard to maneuver out with the utility pole. Are you suggesting she back up and drive around the pole on the brick?

      • The text asked if the car belonged to OP/OP’s guest. If not, neighbor offered to give number for tow company so OP could have illegally parked car towed from OP’s spot. I fail to see any threat about neighbor herself getting the car of OP/OP’s guest towed

        • Yea, I see now how that interpretation is probably correct. But, it wasn’t phrased clearly so I wonder if OP interpreted it as I did (a veiled threat).

    • It’s not about this one incident. It’s about months and months and months of someone who is obviously not fit to live in a city (or in a multi-unit building, anyways) telling you how to live your life when you’re not doing anything wrong. Yes, footsteps echo through walls and floors. People don’t always park perfectly. These things happen. If someone nags you about them incessantly, they are the one at fault.

  • Maybe she’s an awful driver and really couldn’t get the car out.

  • I’m gonna venture a guess that there are likely two sides to this story.

    • I agree there are two sides to this story. I wish we could hear her side to see where the truth lies. We all like to paint the picture that we are not at fault when the other side will never be heard.

      • OP here. of course there are 2 sides to the story, but look at the picture of the cars. the point is that any able bodied human with a drivers license could have got out of that spot. If the issue was that we were partially in her spot, she could have just said “hey, just to let you know, you guys are partially parked in my parking space, its not a problem right now because I can still get out, but please try to avoid that in the future.”

        also, fun fact, my guest was only partially in her spot because we allow the trash and recycling bins for all 3 units to live in our spot because its more convenient for everyone. the bins take up a fair amount of space (6 bins total) so on this particular day, we were slightly encroaching on her spot, which shouldn’t have been unreasonable given that she still had plenty of space to get in and out.

        • fun fact: you don’t have to be able-bodied to drive and it’s possible to possess a valid drivers license for many decades without ever taking a driving test (I’m 30 and I haven’t taken one in 14 years; I assume there’s a good chance I never will again). I don’t think this _should_ be the case, but unfortunately, it is. This woman sounds elderly, too. Are the cans in your spot because you don’t usually use your spot, making the guests’ car there especially jarring an obstacle for her?
          The neighbor may very well be a pest, but this particular incident was a bad hill to die on. You must’ve sought validation because you realized you might have been unreasonable.

          • If you can’t get your car out of a space the size of the one in OP’s picture, you shouldn’t be driving…period.

        • clevelanddave

          What is it about using the phrase “fun fact” when it isn’t a fact and it isn’t fun. And hey, OP: that is what she is saying, “you guys are partially parked in my parking space, its not a problem right now because I can still get out, but please try to avoid that in the future.” Except she feels she can’t get out of the parking space. If you are in fact in her space, get out of it.

  • Not losing your mind – but definitely lost your cool and threw more kindling on the fire.
    As the old saying goes, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

    • Man I needed that! “Besides, the pig likes it!” Now I’ve got to follow up on my thoughts earlier this evening and buy that darned community pig. Food scraps and fun, you know it!

  • I would have generally agreed with you if you didn’t feel the need for validation from an anonymous online community. That’s just kind of sad.

    • Well, we’re all here reading, posting, etc. for some reason or another. I don’t find OP “said.” Wait, are you the upstairs neighbor?! Please please please please let it be true!!

    • I would’ve just shared your thought without pointing out the “sad” nature of seeking e-validation. That too, is sad. 😉

    • OP here. Sure, its sad, im not proud of it. I am just here because i wanted reassurance that it was not unreasonable to assume that she could have easily got out of the space without any action being taken. if the issue was that we were partially in her spot, she should have just said that.

      • clevelanddave

        Well, you aren’t getting the validation you thought you’d get. So take off your shoes, try and be quiet, and respect the space of other owners.

  • I find that it’s generally best to just ignore the crazies. They’ll soon realize that you won’t put up with their BS and move on to someone else to harass. (Obviously I’m talking about a manageable crazy, not the full-on nutters.)

  • Seriously confused as to why she couldn’t get out of that spot. Agreed, annoying.

  • jim_ed

    Nope, to hell with her. Your house is your home, and you’ve tried to be accommodating in the past with minimal results. Time to ignore her unreasonable requests, document her harassment, and then show it to management. Life is too short to try to deal with that kind of crap.

    • +100 to this. I mean, I would move at the first second possible if I had the time/funds/ability. But if you don’t, I would start completely ignoring it and her, and talk to your landlord.

    • +500 more. The only thing I would add to what jim-ed said is this: Don’t engage with her. Trying to explain to a professional victim, for example, that a flushing toilet is not a nuisance is a losing battle. You can’t win that battle. Instead, make sure your ducks are lined up: hardwoods covered as they’re supposed to be per lease, no loud music after 10 pm, acknowledgement in writing from leaseholder that bikes are ok in the yard, blah blah blah. If she continues, send her to them. Then you gain an ally in your leaseholder that she’s a nut.

      When you see her: ignore or smile silently.

      • This. Exactly. My husband and I had a neighbor below us that would bang her broom on the ceiling if I so much as dropped the remote off the very low couch onto carpet. Eventually we had the floors re-done (with soundproofing added in), which did not fix her issues – so we brought in the management to show them we’d gone above and beyond to fix things (she wouldn’t even come to the door if we went to talk to her) – and they were 100% on our side. We ended up moving anyway (for various other reasons), but in the end she did quiet down mostly when they threatened to kick her out – we weren’t the first people she had run out of the building.

        • OP here. Agreed. this is all good stuff. I am going to avoid engagement and just ask her to send her complaints directly to our landlord. Luckily our landlord is a wonderful and very rational person and she knows what we are dealing with.

    • +100 to this. This lady is a real nut. That sign! I agree with others, though, that she will probably win in the end, so if it bothers you that much, you should move.

  • You should move out. Seriously. This person will always win. I have been through this nearly exact situation. You are allowed to walk in your apartment at any time. You are allowed to flush toilets without someone saying something.

    I have been through this and it was absolutely terrible. My neighbor had daily complaints about anything, we walked too loud, we showered too early, our cat was too loud (seriously). We had a two bedroom apartment and could not use the second bedroom because she said it was too much noise for her. We tried and tried to fix it, contractors, sock feet, rugs, but every solution just led to more complaints. She basically got some sort of weird satisfaction from making us unhappy. Of course, she herself was a terrible neighbor. She even left her trash in the foyer for someone else in the building to take out.

    We moved out. It was 100% worth it.

    I know someone above said this was reasonable, but I lived through this, and even if the car request were reasonable (I believe it was not based on the picture) this person is not doing this in order to actually fix things, but to harass you.

    • I shared this place with MtP as we went though your exact situation. There is not way to rationalize it or deal with it, you just have to move on if you can. We tried all sorts of ways to change our behavior but it was never enough. And eventually it got to a point that no matter what happened, there was animosity on both sides and it became toxic. It tore at our relationship and the actions of the neighbor eventually made us sell a place we loved. Much like you are turning to popville here, we would have conversations at dinner parties, at work, at school, etc. with people and they would look at us in disbelief about what was happening. And we realized that most people we talked to couldn’t believe that it was true, that there had to be SOMETHING we were doing wrong as well – nobody could be as mean and irrational as we were saying. We found that most people just stopped coming over for dinner or anything and wanted to avoid our place since they could feel the tension. I hate to say it, but at some point, there is no turning back and the house can’t heal and it sounds to me that you are almost at that point. It doesn’t matter how right you are (and you do some pretty right here), you won’t ever be able to prove it to the neighbor and it will just eat at you. Like I said, get out now if you can. Best of luck from someone who totally understands.

      • Wow, you guys are patient. After the first few nonsensical requests, I would have just been a passive aggressive a-hole, like putting her trash outside her door with a note saying “think you left this” style a-hole. I would have made sure I was following all the rules and keeping things documented, but if she’s going to make my life miserable, I’d make her’s miserable back. I’ve got a pretty good puppy dog face going for me, so I guess that helps.

        • You’re right, we tried way too hard to “fix” the supposed issues.

        • On the one hand, yeah, I get this. I had a terrible neighbor, and lashed out a couple times, but ultimately, it didn’t make me feel any better, and if anything made things worse.

    • That sounds like an effing nightmare, you guys. Was ignoring that person not an option? Did you have to try to accommodate his/her complaints?

      I feel like I would become obsessed with vengeance in this situation. Toxic indeed.


      • In retrospect, you’re absolutely right, we should have ignored it from the very first unreasonable request. That’s what I would do in the same situation now.

        Thankfully, our current neighbors are saints and we all get along very well.

        • The problem is that you don’t realize they’re being unreasonable until you’re well down the road. A request or two telling you that you are too noisy isn’t really unreasonable. It’s the pattern.

  • I hear ya about the crazies. We have a neighbor who called the cops on us for a noise complaint when we were asleep… Lights off, TV off, asleep for 2 hours, and he decided that we were the ones making whatever noise he thinks he heard.

    Just gotta roll with it.

    • haha, did the police show up to the noise complaint?

      • That’s how we found out that it happened. We woke to someone pounding on our door at 2 am. Two cops were outside and our neighbor. The cops, seeing us clearly just ripped from sleep, looked very apologetic and told us to have a good night.

  • I understand that she’s been bugging you and that this is probably the straw that broke the camel’s back. But she was apologetic for bothering you in the AM and it would have been a really simple fix to just send the person down to move their car.

    • What if they weren’t home though? She did end her text by kindly offering to have the car towed if they weren’t able to move it.

      • Whoops, I missed that part. That does cast it in a more aggressive light. But still, it was an easily solvable problem, so I’m not sure why the OP decided that this was the hill they wanted to die on.

        while I can sympathize with the neighbor who is hearing too much, it is a building construction problem. It is not the op’s fault that the walls are too thin, and ultimately the downstairs neighbor should suck it up and stop berating people for making reasonable amounts of noise when they’re in their home.

      • You’re mis-reading the text from neighbor. She says if the car doesn’t belog to OP, she can give number so OP can have illegally parked car towed from OP’s space.

        • I see that now. I wonder if OP misread it, too. It wasn’t very clear.

          • I misread it too.

          • OP here. did not misread the text. the point here is that she could have easily got out of the spot. I did not want to move the car because it did not need to be moved. after months and months of caving to her trivial demands I just had to draw the line. she was just complaining for the sake of complaining. if we keep doing what she asks because “its not a big deal” where does it end? here’s a hint. It doesnt. we just wait a few weeks for the next passive-aggressive request and this becomes our lives.

            And as anonymouse said, what if we werent home or just didnt see the text in time? we she have had our car towed? would that have been reasonable?

    • Honestly, it sounded like fake-apologetic to me. “Sorry to bug you” is what people say when they know they’re bothering someone and really don’t care. Otherwise they could have said something slightly more professional like “Good Morning, my apologies but I’m having trouble getting my car out of my spot. Could you have your guest back his car up a little? Thanks.”

      • +1 and the line about “giving info about towing” is obviously a veiled threat. This is not a nice or friendly text.

        • +A BAZILLION

          this women is the queen of passive aggresive nonsense, just look at the 5 color magic marker sign! every bit of contact weve ever had from her has been a veiled threat. If your looking at this situation as if she is a rational person, then yes of course i should have just moved the car and said my bad. but this is just the final straw in a long history of ridiculous requests. I just lost my sh*t, and looking back at it, I’m happy I did. I think she knows shes in the wrong because she didnt contact my landlord yet, and usually that’s her move.

  • That sign is really cool though. Adding the visuals with the footsteps and all would have taken some time.

    • But that’s how you know she is crazy. Did she really go out and buy markers and poster board to make that sign? Take time to actually draw it? The level of energy she was willing to put into that is ridiculous. If you live in a multi-unit building, then you have to accept some laws of communal living, the biggest of which is that sometimes you will hear your neighbors. You also have shared space (like where someone might leave a bike) and you can’t go posting really cool but obnoxious signs in the shared space with your personal and unreasonable demands. If it were really an issue, it would be up to the landlord to handle it. That she took the time and energy to draw and post this sign is a true testament of her willingness to keep making unreasonable requests. She sounds like a passive-aggressive bully and your only choice is to stand up to her.

      That said, this was probably not the best situation for taking a stand. She definitely could have gotten out of the spot, and I probably just wouldn’t have responded to her request at all. If she really had to be somewhere in 30 minutes, she wasn’t getting a tow truck there in 30 minutes anyway. At least from the picture, it doesn’t look like the guest’s car was enough in her spot to justify a tow truck towing the car, she would have been wasting time and been late to her thing just to prove a point.

      • I own a rowhouse and even I can hear my neighbors from time to time… Sometimes with unfortunate clarity.. One tenant next door used to like late night phone conversations and I could hear another pleasuring himself… I just grabbed the ear plugs and kept it moving…

  • Without any of the background, your guest was partially in her marked spot. The first text was reasonable and you should have accommodated. So clearly this fight could have/should have been avoided. Of course, it would have just happened at a later date anyway.

  • Yea, I would definitely stop worrying about closing doors, flushing toilets, walking up stairs, etc. The parking thing is weird – do you not own a car? If you do, does she complain when you park in your spot? The only way this makes any sense is if you don’t have a car, therefore never park there, and she feels entitled to having no car parked there (still unreasonable, but makes a bit more sense). I’d avoid blowing up at her and just be passive aggressive the way she is. Lady clearly is not cut out to have neighbors, but not much you can do.

  • No one is right here. You are sane, she is not. Enough said.

  • I don’t think the dilemma is the car parking, it’s the constant feeling that you are being hounded (however nicely) while living your life in your own home. I can completely sympathize, OP. If she bought a downstairs unit, she should deal with the sounds from above.

  • hmm….I have to say as a person who has super-hearing that she may not be making it up that she can hear you and your roommate. I’ve learned to deal with it over the years, more or less, by having a tv or music on low if my apartment is quiet and I feel myself getting irritated by hearing my over-head neighbors opening drawers (yes, I can hear that) or what sounds like stomping (but is probably just walking) all over the place. I previously addressed it at my old apartment building by going upstairs, introducing myself, and requesting that maybe he not use his rolling chair (which was DIRECTLY over the head of my bed!) after 11 p.m. He was mindful for a time and then forgot. I mentioned it to the building management once or twice, because technically he was supposed to have carpeting over 80% of his floor and he clearly did not, but it never helped much. With my new upstairs neighbors, I’m trying to ignore ignore ignore, though one time they were hammering (probably putting together some furniture) and I snapped and started hitting the ceiling with a broom like Mr. Heckels from Friends, to remind them that, hey, people live below you. Could probably be categorized as passive-aggressive. So anyway, all that to say, I empathize with this girl if she really is hearing everything. On the other hand, everyone is an adult in this situation and surely there should be a way to work this out rationally. Threatening to have your/your guest’s car towed wasn’t great. All the little notes and messages and texts are – or at least border on – harassment. I would see if you could get her to agree to a session with a professional mediator, or ask if your building management can arrange something similar.

    • don’t kid yourself, no one has super-hearing; they’re just high strung. most people would be able to live with what you’re describing.

      • misophonia- look it up.

      • Ouch. There’s a difference between not noticing and managing irritation from having super-hearing. I hear a LOT of things other people don’t (including people’s conversations, heh). So now that you called me high-strung, can I suggest that perhaps you’re just really inattentive?

    • If you’re that sensitive to sound, then maybe you shouldn’t live in an apartment building? A one-off thing or something egregious is totally reasonable to request that the person stop, but you can’t expect people to significantly change their behavior because it bugs you. It’s on you to learn to cope with that environment or choose a different living arrangement.

      • Where did I say I “expect people to significantly change their behavior because it bugs me?” First off, sorry, but I can’t afford a detached single family home. So dwelling with other humans is necessary. Also, I like people. I like knowing I have neighbors. I even like them! I have learned to modify my living spaces and do things – like having the tv or music on low if I don’t want to hear the perfectly natural noises of people living around me. I do think it’s polite to generally keep noise levels to a minimum late at night when others are trying to sleep, or keeping construction (including the construction of furniture or the like) to daytime hours.

        • LBP, I agree with you 100% on this. I love living with people. I love living in an apartment building. There’s a difference between hearing things and harrasing your neighbors over them (as OP is worried about). And I personally think that the people who are reacting so negatively to your post are probably the kind of people who start hosting loud parties at midnight on a Wednesday.

          • Thanks FridayGirl! Also, hey, when am I finally going to get to meet you? Are you coming to the karaoke thing next Wednesday?

          • Good question! I want to meet you too, and go to karaoke! But I have class next Wednesday 🙁 The next time we have an event that’s not a Monday or Wednesday, I’ll be there!

          • OMG is this a love connection? PoP please do a follow up if LittleBluePenguin and FridayGirl get together!

    • you shouldn’t live in apartments.

      • Not everyone can afford to purchase (or rent) a house.
        Apartment buildings are poorly built these days with regard to soundproofing (or lack thereof).

      • clevelanddave

        Put that with “you shouldn’t live in the city” if you want to have a car and “you shouldn’t live in DC” if you want decent schools, and “you shouldn’t live next to an alley” if you don’t like rats. Oy.

    • Ugh you sound like my downstairs neighbor. Go away. If it bothers you move out. You’re the one with the problem.

      • Strongly disagree. Little Blue Penguin, I’m the same way! I make do with running an air purifier and/or dehumidifier, which significantly cuts down on me hearing every little noise in my building. If someone starts stomping in the middle of the night, my heart literally pumps faster and louder- it can be very stressful being exposed to unwanted sounds.

        • +1! This.
          Also, it’s interesting to watch how defensive so many people are getting (dd) about this topic, and particularly against those with noise/anxiety issues. We’re not all crazy! And I tend to think that people who get super defensive know subconsciously that they’re doing something that rubs many people the wrong way….

    • Ha! I love your Mr. Heckels reference! I, too, have been guilty of hitting the ceiling with a broom… I once had upstairs neighbors who – literally – would play hacky-sack in their apartment. Fortunately they moved out a long time ago. I still get annoyed by hearing people walking around – to me it sounds like they are stomping, but it’s likely just regular walking and the soundproofing in our building sucks, so I just have to deal with it.

  • fight fire with fire, start sending passive aggressive text messages, emails, and even the occasional hand drawn sign and maybe she’ll get the point. which is, doing this type of stuff is annoying.

    • I wouldn’t. People who are this sensitive [and I say this as someone with super-hearing myself] are either 1) kind of looney or 2) get satisfaction out of arguing. You won’t win this way, and if you ever need to go to the police, it will make you look bad. Keep your hands clean, ignore her as much as you can, and keep detailed records of her interactions with you, messages, etc. like you did above.

      • +1. Agreed, though I would still float the mediator option as well (and document the shit out of it). If she doesn’t bite, well then, you did everything you could to try to reach a peaceable solution and now it’s just her being crazy and vindictive, and the police, should you ever have to go to them, will see that.

    • Um, fighting with fire is great and all, but don’t light your downstairs neighbor’s unit on fire. Really not recommended.

  • My question, how old is the complaining neighbor? I’ve found many older people can’t stand a lot of noise and they tend to complain a lot. Are you and your roommate college students? However, she went overboard regarding the flushing toilets. It’s possible, you’re neighbor might have some type of mental illness.

  • My opinion is in this particular instance you probably weren’t in the right. The car was into her parking spot and she did ask nicely. Yes, she had plenty of room, but she does have the right to complain if the car is in her designated area (even just a foot).. However, it seems that this is indicative of a larger issue and this was sort of the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s one of those things where individually what she does deserves nothing more than an eye roll, but combined it drives you mad. I get it. I’ve been there. Just remember, crazy people will make you crazy. Don’t feed into it. Have a good laugh with your friends and move on. At least she’s not your roommate.

  • You’re both probably in the wrong. Aside from that – the whole upstairs downstairs thing is a common problem. It’s easier to insulate walls but floors and ceilings not so much – anyone have thoughts on how to fix this besides carpeting, which only helps so much.

  • You aren’t insane and she may be nitpicky but you should’ve move the car even if it was only partially in her space. Loud neighbors can be annoying, trust me I live next to musicians, so she may just be tired of your noise 🙂

  • If the car’s in her spot, no, you should move it. But I see no reason why she couldn’t back up and pull out, especially if there’s no car behind her. It’s a city: cars park close.

    For noise… if I liked to play music loudly, or something, I’d be more courteous–the girl in the next apartment told me, when I moved in, that she had a piano against our common wall and to just come and tell her if it was too loud; I’ve never heard her, but I appreciated the courtesy.

    Otherwise, I’d just tell her hallway noise, toilets flushing, doors closing is just part of living in an apartment. I would certainly make it clear I’m not altering how I close my doors or when I flush my toilet to satisfy a neighbor. There’s an actual legal limit on the amount of noise you can emit. That’s the barometer–ambient noise, I’d tell her to ask the landlord to better insulate the her ceiling if she has such a problem with it. It’s certainly not my problem.

    But I’ve also never had a neighbor like that, so.

  • I don’t know – maybe a mix of both. In some cases when someone claims to be innocent, they really aren’t. What you deem insignificant may be your neighbor’s worst nightmare. While the car thing is a bit tough to rationalize (I’m with you on that one), the loudness may be enough to drive someone up a wall. Misophonia is a real thing – I struggle with that too.

  • justinbc

    Your biggest mistake was ever being “neighborly” and conceding to her initial demands which you felt were unreasonable. If someone is over the line with their crazy you should have called her out then, rather than setting an expectation that you would always cater to whatever silly stuff she could dream up.

  • Tell her you’ve done everything you can (rugs, no shoes policies, etc) and that you most certainly aren’t going to stop flushing your toilets. Suggest that if she requires further accommodation, it may be in her best interest to move, as this property isn’t set up for someone with her sensitivities.
    Tell her that you might have been inclined to take additional measure, but she threatened to tow your car, and so you’re done bending over backwards for her.
    Expect this to have no effect.

  • If your guest was in her spot, then they should have moved. It doesn’t matter whether she could get out. The noise issue is a little different. I once lived in an apartment where the building manager would patrol the halls and get mad if she could hear noise coming through my door. Never mind that doors are thinner than walls and none of my neighbors could hear anything in their apartments. But, I have also lived around people who have no concept of how to live in an apartment and stomp about as though no one lives adjacent to them. If that’s what OP is doing, then I don’t think she’s unreasonable. My roommates and I used to refer to it as “apartment feet,” which means treading lightly out of respect for neighbors. Apartment living requires tolerance and respect on all sides.

    • +2!

      • OP here. fun fact, my guest was only partially in her spot because we allow the trash and recycling bins for all 3 units to live in our spot because its more convenient for everyone. the bins take up a fair amount of space (6 bins total) so on this particular day, we were slightly encroaching on her spot, which shouldn’t have been unreasonable given that she still had plenty of space to get in and out.

        And as for the noise issue, these complaints have stopped as we have adjusted our behavior, I only brought those complaints up to explain the history between us and the general nature of the beast that I am dealing with.

        • You were encroaching in her spot. You should have moved. PERIOD

        • I was originally absolutely on your side, but after this- not so sure. It sounds like you were being really loud in the beginning and now that you adjusted your behavior she’s is ok. A strange car she’s never seen before was in her spot- she asked you to move it. I mean, yes, she is being passive aggressive, but when she talked to you face to face you screamed at her- I might be passive aggressive too.

          • Agreed. Why not just put the garbage cans in the middle of your spots then? I try not to be too picky about “my space” vs. “other’s space” but it’s sounding more like there was a history of both sides not being very neighborly.

  • Your neighbor has issues. Accommodate her reasonable requests and ignore the rest. That’s consistent with being a good neighbor of sound mind.

    But your posting all the evidence here, with an appeal for affirmation from strangers… that is not being a good neighbor, and it is not of sound mind. Quite predictably your neighbor will see this, making you as passive aggressive as she is.

    Sorry to be harsh, but you both need to grow up.

  • “Please, PLEASE, for the sake of my sanity tell me that this is absurd.” People occasionally write to Carolyn Hax about issues like these — “Please tell me that so-and-so was being unreasonable, and I was in the right.”
    The thing is, ultimately it doesn’t really matter whether or not the neighbor’s behavior is reasonable. PoPville readers can validate you all you want… but you’re still living above this neighbor and you still have to deal with her, whether she’s being reasonable or not. You have to deal with the neighbor you’ve got, not the neighbor you want.
    It sounds like in several of your interactions with her, you’ve been defensive/combative. Your reply to her text sounds sullen and upped the ante. She might be overreacting, but you’re not helping things any.
    Given that you’re renting and she owns, if this is a big deal to you, you might want to consider moving when your lease expires.

    • Well said textdoc. Some folks here will agree with OP, others disagree but OP still lives above the neighbor. Figuring out how to deal with this in constructive manner is the challenge (and not by stomping around upstairs and leaving the TV on loud – that seems a childish response). Wonder if OP could offer to sit with the neighbor and talk about how some of the issues that have arisen.
      Or not deal with it and move when the lease ends.

      • OP here, weve had sit downs in the past, weve tried to be as neighborly and reasonable as possible. we will not be doing the “childish” thing and stomping around as that will only cause more problems. We will deal with what is reasonable and ignore the rest. I truly just posted this here to vent and hear some people agree that she could have easily got out of her spot. Love the response I got though, so thanks to all who commented. this was actually quite therapeutic. haha. god I love this blog.

  • laduvet

    Sounds like she needs to be on a top floor unit – princess and controller of sound.

  • Your sound like a horrible neighbor to me. And yeah, your neighbor sounds like a pain, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior.

    If you have ever lived in a place where people stomp up and down the stairs (as my upstairs neighbors did, and the stairs were just on the other side of the wall from the only place I could place my bed), and had one of same neighbors roll around on a desk chair late at night right above my bed, on wood floors, no carpet (and unfortunately, no insulation between), you’d know how wrong you are to complain about her asking you to tread lightly. You should tread lightly, not wear shoes in he house, and have rugs with padding, just to be neighborly. Do you? (I never asked them to stop, as I figured it went with their student lifestyle, and was hopeless – I was a grad student myself at the them – but one of them had no problem asking ME to stop working on my place on a Saturday afternoon when I was sanding some peeling paint in preparation for painting it because she had a headache!)

    Ok, I’ve had this crazy complaining neighbor elsewhere as well, below me. And she had no problem disburbing me (loud bells on her door that rang every time she came in and out, leaving her bedroom radio on loud 24 hours a day while away for months, supposed anti-theft tactics that deterred no theft but woke me a lot at night), but complained if I made any unusual noise, so I get totally get the type.

    But, is she asking you not to flush the toilet, or just using that as an example of how very thin the walls and floors are in an attempt to get you to understand and take the treading lightly and door closing softly seriously, which you don’t seem to do? I wouldn’t stop flushing, but I would be more quiet walking and on the stairs. You should do this for anyone, be they crazy or not, friendly or not. And your guests shouldn’t park half in her space, even if she can get out. You should ignore the truly crazy stuff, but you should also act like an adult and realize that your actions affect others, and be a good neighbor in ways kind people do, even if she acts crazy sometimes .. as she probably is actually crazy, as one of my other neighbors was convinced my downstairs neighbor was, and can’t do anything about it. You can act like a non-crazy person and not act out when she does.

    • OP here. almost our entire unit is covered in carpet and padding at their request, however, the stairs inside the house are not the problem, shes complaining about the stairs that lead up to the front door. any noise was only occurring when we entered and exited the house, even if it was loud, it was for 3 seconds. Again though, the noise issue was just to reference the history of complaints, there are no longer any noise complaints. this post was just about her ability or lack there of to get her car out of that spot in that specific instance. yes, i behaved irrationally when she requested we move the car, but it was only after months and months of doing everything she asked no matter how trivial, i just couldnt take it anymore.

      • clevelanddave

        Sounds like your perception of your actions which are only somewhat accurate. My guess is that she (and a neutral observer) would probably have a different perspective. Three seconds? Maybe it was ten seconds or a half a minute? How many of you are there in the unit? Were you a few inches into her parking space or a couple feet? Did you do, as you claim, everything she asked for months and months or some things she asked some of the time by some people in your unit for a few weeks or a month? I tend not to fully believe you.

  • Is it possible this whole thing is a misinterpretation of the tow clause of her text?
    It either meant “if you can’t move it, I will have it towed and let you know the number of the tow place.” or “if it’s not your car or your guest’s car, I can give you the number so you can have the car towed away out of your spot.” My money is on the latter, in which case the text was not inherently awful. I agree that her car could be easily moved, but it’s also unclear how much in her spot the white car is. It actually does look rather shoddily parked, and this woman is obviously not very adept at stomaching the uncertainty that life might throw at her. So, that’s to say you might be in the wrong here, at least in this one case.

  • LOL at her complaints about being able to hear you flush the toilet.

    Seriously, though, I feel for you. I would just ignore the passive aggressive stuff, and anytime she says (or texts) anything directly to you, respond with “if you have an issue, please notify the landlord,” then do not engage, at all.

  • They both sound like a royal PIA. I wouldn’t want either for my neighbor.

    • hammers

      +1 to this.

    • haha. sure.

      for the record. we have dealt with every request with no complaints up to this point. this is the first time i lost my sh*t. if this was the first incident between us, than of course this is on me, but its not…

  • HaileUnlikely

    A tangentially-related anecdote: I used to have a roommate who, despite weighing not more than 140 pounds, somehow found a way to spike his heels into the floor with as much force as humanly possible with every single step. Carpet didn’t help, because it wasn’t the “clack clack clack” of shoes, but the “thud thud thud” of the impact being transmitted all the way through to the joists. Carpet actually made it worse, because then he just had to spike his heels into the floor even harder to get the same satisfying jolt through his spine with every single step. Anyway, if you and/or any of your roommates walk anything like him, then I sympathize with your neighbor. (Fun easy little test of reasonableness of roommate walking and reasonableness of neighbor complaint: Fill a glass half full with water, place it on the kitchen table, and then just watch it as you and your roommates walk. If you see the water moves, then I think somebody is probably walking too heavily.)

    Regarding the car – as others have said, if it was protruding into her spot, then I think she was being reasonable (even if kind of petty) and you should have accommodated her request. If the car was entirely within your spot and not in hers at all, then she was being unreasonable.

    • I’m married to someone under 100 pounds who stomps around by default just like your former roommate. People walk differently and it is what it is.

      • HaileUnlikely

        If somebody habitually closed doors so hard that items fall off shelves whenever they closed their bedroom door, we wouldn’t say “it is what it is,” we’d encourage/demand that person learn how to close the door like a normal person. One can also learn to walk more gently. It takes some effort, but to say that “it is what it is” implies that our feet are not under the voluntary control of our brains, which, barring any rare medical situation, is obviously not true. I’m not picking on your spouse here – if you live in your own home and don’t have neighbors downstairs, that’s your business. But walking like that in an apartment building is not exactly neighborly.

        • She slams things constantly too, though never hard enough to break things/knock things off the shelves (but then we’ve never had a shelf opposite a cabinet).
          She probably can control this, but control is sorta relative. I put forth a lot more effort in correcting her bad habits when other people are affected (we have an SFH, and we invest in soft-close everything as mitigation), but this mostly just makes her defensive. If a person is single or married to someone with equally annoying habits, there’s little we could do in a free society to correct this behavior. Seriously, I can’t think of anything. HOA sanctions? Fines? How would you define an unacceptable force with which to walk and close doors?

          • HaileUnlikely

            I like my “does the water in the glass move visibly when you do stuff” test.

          • HaileUnlikely

            p.s. I might be more sensitized to this because said roommate, despite being a kind, sweet, wonderful person in lots of ways, was one inconsiderate m****f****er in lots of other ways as well. The thud thud thud was emblematic of larger issues…

          • Meh, the water glass moving may just as much be a problem with the table or the floor it sits on. I’m pretty content to throw this issue into the edge of what’s under our control.

          • HaileUnlikely

            It would suck more than it needed to suck if you lived in an apartment and somebody who was not your spouse lived upstairs and stomped similarly, no?

          • Yes, the world is a suboptimal place.

          • I don’t want to be a loud walker and am actually very self conscious of it when I’m at other people’s houses and often end up awkwardly tip-toeing to avoid being loud because I just honestly can’t figure out how to use my heals when I walk without being loud. I’m sorry!!!

            PS I just passed the water test when the water was on the coffee table, but the water on the side table next to the couch is shaking just from my typing so I’m not sure how valid and reliable the test is.

          • HaileUnlikely

            At least you are aware of it 🙂 I guess the water test depends on the house. In my house, the water is still when I walk around, and when my wife walks around, and when most visitors walk around, but when my old roommate was thundering around it was like high tide in my glass – I contemplated adding an I-beam in the basement to try to reduce the amplitude of the shock waves…

      • HaileUnlikely

        Or perhaps better anecdote: I made it well into my 30’s chewing with my mouth open and making loud slurping noises when I drank hot beverages (I was raised by slobs. Kind, loving slobs, but slobs nonetheless.) I’m glad my wife tamed me, though, rather than just saying “it is what it is.”

        • Yeah, I’ve worked with people who do this. Luckily, my wife doesn’t. If she did, and I was unable to stop it, I dunno what I’d do. Probably live with it.

  • I am guessing there is a long story here that just doesn’t have the same effect for an outsider – but as someone who has had their car scrapped by an older neighbor who parked in the assigned spot next to me, I honestly wouldn’t have minded if they admitted the suck at parking and just asked me to move my car (Assuming you are actually partially in her spot as she mentioned). Yes, *most* people could easily get out of that space and are used to parking in DC.

    I think the best advice now is to ignore, EVERYTHING. Do not respond, do not engage. Do not let her rile you up and get into a bad situation. Think of her like a child, you are currently giving positive reinforcement to her bad behavior, so she will never stop. Never text her back. Record and document any other interactions, especially if they escalate. You don’t want to end up looking like the bad one when you do something you regret, and outside parties don’t understand the full story.

  • Ally

    Sounds like both the OP and the villain have gotten to the point where, there are so many past grievances, that neither one is being rational anymore (and understandably so). If your (OP) guest was parked even slightly into her marked off space… even if she was being a nit-picky weirdo, the right thing to do is to ask your friend to please move his/her car into the appropriate space constraints. Conversely, the villain should have considered nicer approaches (including swallowing it) on the noise issues.

  • phl2dc

    I have no idea how people are misreading the neighbor’s text.
    “Is that yours … If so, can you please … If not, I can give you the info for towing.”
    –> “If that’s your car, please move it; if not, I’ll give you info for towing because a random person is in your spot.”

    • Apparently we’re all really stupid. I mistakenly read it as “Can you back up… if not, I can give you the info for towing.” and I think the OP probably did the same, given the frame of reference from past experiences with this person.

  • I would recommend not engaging her at all and start making as much noise as legally possible. If you stop responding to her complaints she will go crazy and eventually move out.

    We received several ridiculous complaints from our previous neighbor and we told her it wasn’t our fault that she moved into a basement unit. I almost moved to get a restraining order, but we drove her completely insane first and she moved out.

  • If your guest was partially in her spot, then you should have them move their car.

    If you got along well with your neighbor, then they probably wouldn’t be so petty, but you don’t get along well with your neighbor. You both sound really petty, so I don’t know who is to blame…and I don’t care.

    But your guest parked in her spot. It doesn’t matter that she could drive around. She shouldn’t have to drive around her own spot….that she paid for…because someone else’s tenant, let their friend park there.

    If she placed a bunch of boxes in front of your door, and told you that it’s only blocking a third of your door and that you have plenty of room to maneuver around it, you would think she’s a crazy person. Well, no matter what her prior behavior, you’re the crazy person here. Tell your friend to park in the street, not in someone else’s spot.

  • Move out. Life is too short. If someone is telling you that the sound of your toilet flushing is bothering them, then you aren’t dealing with a rational person. How can you control the sound of your toilet? Would she prefer you not flush it? If so, surely she would start complaining about the stench. Either way, you’re never going to win.

    Apartment living, man. It’s a trip.

  • This thread is full of people I would never want living above me, below me, or anywhere near me.

  • Haha I can’t believe there are almost 140 comments on this… but it seems as though if you’ve lived in the city long enough, you’ve encountered these people who can’t fathom that there are rats in the alleys, or fireworks over 4th of July scaring their yappy little dog.

  • You are in the wrong and are acting in a very un-neighborly way.

    In my condo can *hear* the vibration of my upstairs neighbor’s iPhone. Sometimes, depending on where he has placed it, it is as if my entire living room ceiling has become a speaker and drowns out the TV. My current neighbor is aware and has been very accommodating. In turn, we do not complain about his children running and other things that one cannot control. My previous neighbor, had a shrew for a wife who was completely the opposite. After complaining, she actually gave her kid a xylophone as a gift.

    Regarding the car. I do have a parking space, and I wouldn’t even have given you the courtesy of a note. I would have just gone ahead and had you towed or asked the tow truck to pull you and send you the bill. You were partially in her spot and had boxed her in. It is not a big deal to move it.

    I’m not saying you are a terrible human being, just a little bit entitled.

  • Who on earth started the rumor that OP’s guest was taking up part of Crazy Neighbor’s parking spot? It’s blatantly untrue. And the rest of you.. you just decided to run with it?

    OP’s guest was parked in OP’s spot. (And, yes, I know this for a fact – I know OP.)

    Ugh, these comment threads are consistently riddled with misinformation, people jumping to unfounded conclusions, and, in general, lots of negativity. They are like bad car accidents – I want to, but can’t look away.

    • Welcome to the internet.

    • Well, I asked the question earlier because it’s what the neighbor texted, and the OP didn’t refute. I wouldn’t call that starting a rumor. I think it makes a difference in whether the OP should have moved their guest’s car or not.

    • I actually thought the same thing. The first text from the neighbor says the car is in its rightful spot. It’s not until they refuse to move it that she claims it is in her spot. Honestly, I don’t see any delineation of what constitutes the spot.

    • Umm.. because that’s what the text said from the neighbor? And since op was not here to confirm nor deny it, what else should we assume? Why is op so silent anyway?

    • The woman said it was “half in her spit”, which we all interpreted to mean “half in her spot.” The picture is simply unclear on this matter; we cannot see where the line between spots is. We are not contending the neighbor (or someone with reasonable driving facilities) wouldn’t be able to get out of the space regardless, but that’s immaterial if the guest’s car is encroaching on her spot. It also appears poorly parked and to be really close to her car, so, I’m not inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt here.
      The internet is a terrible place, but in this case, you and OP are a bigger problem than commenters who are pointing the above out.

    • I wonder? Is it that OP’s guest is parked to closely to her (as her first text claimed)? Or, is OP’s guest taking up half of her “spit” (as she so eloquently states after OP tells her there’s no need to move the car)?

      Any reasonable person can see she’s parked at the front edge of her parking spot. If you use the rows of brick on the ground for measurement – it’s more than obvious that there’s **plenty of room** for her to back-up out of her spot.

      But, you all just want to keep defending the Crazy, for the sake of.. well, I haven’t figured that part out yet.

    • OP says OP’s guest was taking up some of neighbors space. So straight from the horse’s mouth. Maybe neighbor could have gotten out but fact is that it was harder because OP’s guest was in her space. OP should have just moved the darn car and not gone all ballistic on the neighbor

  • She seems extremely kind in her note and her posting of a sign in the hall actually seems appropriate. Sounds like she’s trying to do the right thing – why overreact? I never understand disagreements like this – usually involves one stubborn/immature person. In this case that’s the guy reaching out to Popville for justification.

    Separately – it looks like there is a parking space immediately behind the car. What if when she saw the car there was also a car behind her? Then I agree – the other car needs to move. Either way the guy did a horrible parking job.

  • I think your neighbor is the crazy one here. If she’s complaining about being able to hear your toilet flushing, she’s the one with the problem. With this said, I just really wish that builders would take noise into consideration when constructing condos. would it really be so hard to add proper insulation or whatever? It would vastly improve the quality of life of everyone who lives in an apartment. when we bought our first condo, we covered more than 80% of our hardwood floors with thick rugs and padding. And our downstairs neighbor made our lives a living hell by complaining irrationally and turning on his music full blast the moment we walked into our apartment every day. we were not stomping, we always removed our shoes at the door, and were generally super considerate with any noise we were making. Some people are just not cut out for apartment living. We eventually made up and became friends, but I wouldn’t wish the turmoil of our first 6 months in the condo on my worst enemy.

  • I live in a split up row house and my upstairs neighbor is a small 5′ woman who STOMPS her way around the house. It is completely ridiculous that her tall husband I can’t hear at all yet I can follow her steps everywhere she goes. That’s annoying. I will say it is completely awkward to confront this in any way – I don’t hold anything against her and we are cordial, but there’s no possible way to say something about that in a positive way.

    • She’s probably already aware of it and self-conscious about it. I know I do this but it’s honestly really, really hard to change the way you walk. I can correct it if I’m actively thinking about it, but it’s just not realistic to keep up that level of attention to it while I’m relaxing at home. Sorry from all the stompers of the world!

      • It’s not just stomping. She runs (stomping) across the floor. She screams across her place at her cat to get off things (newsflash they can’t understand you). She’s just a loud, annoying person. I don’t care if you know you do it or not – anyone can lighten up, especially barefoot.

      • And I can GUARANTEE you she’s not self-conscious about it. She’s a lawyer, afterall.

      • HaileUnlikely

        Try to pay attention to how you walk most of the time for about a month. It’ll be a hard month, but I’d be willing to bet that you’d be walking more gently without requiring conscious effort by the end of the month…

  • she is ridiculous and she is not going to stop bugging you either.

  • I’ve been the downstairs neighbor before and let me tell you, it gets to be too much.

    Our upstairs neighbors (BTW this was a condo, not an apartment, but our crooked developer did nothing to insulate between units) used to stomp all the time, have friends over at all hours, said friends would stomp on the stairs which were right in front of our master bedroom, the boyfriend was a musician so he used to have band practice on their ground floor, and do all this other crazy stuff.

    They tried walking more quietly. We got a surround sound system so we could listen to the tv without them complaining, but there’s only so much you can do. Eventually it got so bad that we all moved out. Let me tell you, doesn’t matter how people try, eventually the politeness ends and the insanity from the situation overrides all graciousness.

  • Everyone who’s owned or leased their own space for more than a few months has had to deal with a crazy neighbor, and apartment living makes it even worse. But I wouldn’t call your neighbor crazy.

    My neighbor is crazy. She frequently has episodes of screaming in tongues in the hallway. Last week she knocked on my door to ask me to control my dog that she is terrified of and allergic to. I don’t own a dog and have never owned a dog, and there were no dogs in the hallway at the time of this incident. THAT is crazy.

    You just have a tempermental neighbor, which is exacerbated by the fact that you seem to be an immature and insconsiderate twat. Coming and going–there really shouldn’t be ANY noise when you come and go from the building, other than the rustling of shopping bags and keys. I mean what else would be making noise, that is legitimately unavoidable? You don’t HAVE to talk when you walk in the door, you can stop your conversation and continue when your door is closed. You don’t have to bang or kick the door open, or let it slam shut. I have a(nother) neighbor I genuinely have only heard open her front door in five years. FIVE YEARS. I actually thought the apartment was vacant for the first three years I lived here. I’ve never heard her through the walls either.

    Your neighbor definitely shouldn’t hear you walking around, watching tv, or doing anything else in your apartment. I don’t care how thin the walls are–you rented the apartment knowing that you were going to have neighbors and the walls were what they are. You made the decision that this dwelling had conditions you could live with so you need to do just that, without imposing your life and your decisions on anyone else.

    And as for the parking space, you have ZERO argument. It isn’t yours. Therefore you cannot use it. Just as you cannot appropriate anything else that you see just because you think the person who owns it isn’t using it or won’t mind.

    Grow up already.

  • Sounds like a case of ego, dominance, control, loneliness, and s&$ual frustration. And taking friendly requests into the realm of why didn’t you invite me to meet your friends from NY?!
    Like we have the Anon MPD rep, PoP needs to get us a local shrink to log on and advise us all on the root causes of such neighborly mayhem.

    • I think you might be the one who needs a shrink, if your automatic interpretation of “woman with a grievance” is sexual frustration. And where are you getting “the realm of why didn’t you invite me to meet your friends from NY?!” There’s some serious projection going on here.

  • The OPs comments show that she is in the wrong, and still feels entitled.

    1) Your friend was parked partially in her spot. Period. You don’t have a right to park there. You are the villain here. Move your friend’s vehicle.

    2) You didn’t want to move your car “as a matter of principle”? There’s no principle here, your friend was in her spot.

    3) You told her that if she couldn’t drive around your friend’s car that you would take her keys and move her car for her? How about this: take your friend’s keys and move their car instead. You know, because you are parked in her spot.

    I have mentioned several times that your friend was parked partially in her spot. Do you know why I’m repeating myself? Because YOU DON’T GET IT. As another poster said: You’re not entitled to use other’s people’s stuff without asking, even if you think they don’t need it.

  • I’m sorry to cackle hysterically at your situation, but this little tale simply made my day… You are not unreasonable (I can hear you flush… Whaaaaat?) and I dealt with a neighbor like this once.. When I think back on it it still makes me burn… Literally keep living your life, try to ignore her if you can and sometimes, just sometimes, invite a gaggle of girls over in chunky shoes and let them HAVE AT IT!!!

  • I would stop letting her keep her bins in your space. Everyone else, yes, but for her make her move hers each time and use her space for them. Everytime they are in your space (if she moves them there to get in/out) I would text and ask her to move them out.

  • She’s laid everything out for you. You have a list of all the things that annoy her. Why not make it clear that ‘the beatings will resume until morale improves?’

    When I moved into my neighborhood I had passive-aggressive nitpicking neighbors in stereo. So, I kept on grinfucking them and saying ‘yes’ to their silly demands until they presumably found other outlets for their lack of social engagement.

    Make sure you slam doors extra hard, flush the toilets at all hours of the day, and walk extra loud on the stairs. Also start wearing hard-soled shoes any time you’re home. Eat gassy foods for bonus points. Just don’t violate any actual ordinances and she’s powerless. If her attitude improves, then you can dial it back 🙂

  • It’s time to move. I have had these types of horrible neighbors before, and one of the things that mid-30s me wished he could go back and tell mid-20s me is that it just isn’t worth it. Your home has to be your sanctuary in a city like this one or you are going to lose your mind. Dealing with everything else all day for the week and then coming home to this is going to hurt your health, and you can’t get that back when it’s damaged. Tell your landlord that you can’t stay because your neighbor is insane. Tell him or her that you will happily testify against the neighbor should the landlord choose to sue her for damages from lost rental revenue. But that you’re leaving.
    Then, pick a new place, set a moving date. Ignore the crazy neighbor till then. Do not even recognize her when you see her in the hallway. Act like she is legitimately invisible. Once you have a new place and a moving date, the next time you see her, get your satisfaction by saying “listen you crazy ______ – you’re a horrible person. You’re so horrible to be around that we can’t even imagine staying here in our wonderful apartment and dealing with your psychotic rantings. So we’re moving. On Thursday. If you ever open your mouth to me again I’ll call the police and file a restraining order. Never darken my door again”. You’ll feel better.
    Then, pack, move, and start your time at your new place on a high note. The smartest thing I ever learned to do in my entire life was to get a $25 gift card to a nearby coffee shop or restaurant and leave it for each of the neighbors whose home physically touched mine (above, below and beside) with a little note that said “Hi! I’m your new neighbor in Apartment A. I just wanted to apologize in advance for the noise from when I am going to be moving in on Thursday. This gift card is my way of saying ‘thanks for understanding!’ – please, swing by whenevery you have a chance and say hello! I’d love to get to know my new neighbors!” I have never had a problem with a single neighbor once that I’ve started the relationship with that way. Best $100 I ever spend on any move.
    But just like the horror movies say – the problem is coming from inside the house! You’d yell at the screen for them to get out. Take your own advice!

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