Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Mike Maguire

You can talk about whatever is on your mind โ€“ quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct peopleโ€™s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

240 Comment

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: I maaay have ordered 4 pair of shoes yesterday.
    Rant: I’m pretty sure last week I said I had to stop spending like a drunken sailor. Emily will kill me if I fritter away all my going-to-Sweden money.
    Rave: Today through Friday I will be at one of my favorite work events. I look forward to this conference all year.

  • Rave/Rant: I went on my first OKCupid date last night! (See, I”m doing it! Less than a week after being email-dumped!) But, the guy was clearly not over his previous relationship, and I also heard about his non-relationship with his father. That’s way too much for me to learn in about a half hour. Also, I had one cider and he did not offer to pay. But at least I am not wallowing at home, right?

    Rave: Stood up for my committee last night at my condo board meeting. Hoping that my sincere offer to not run the committee anymore if things are not changed has been actually heard and that progress is made now. Fingers crossed. But if not, I’ll step down.

    Rave: Great therapy session yesterday! She said I’m doing well, and that the “relationship” with The Boy clearly taught me some hard-won and valuable lessons. She’s right, it did. So did his email to me in which he spent 3 paragraphs talking about himself and then at the end said “Sorry for hurting you and dragging this out.” Clear as day that I made the right choice! FREEDOOOOMMMM!!!! (And no, I’m not writing him back.)

    Rave: Night to myself to do laundry, prepare food for my new-parent friends to bring to them, and prep dinner for two other friends coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Also will figure out if the new light bulbs, which should arrive today, fix my dining room light issue or if I have completely messed up the wiring and need to call my maintenance person in.

    • At least you found out quickly, but why did you expect him to pay? Did you go really out of the way to meet or is that just something guys should do?

      • I just think it’s a nice thing when, if a guy asks you on a first date (whoever does the asking) should offer to pay. When I ask someone out, I always pay. This is just something that anyone who is dating should do.

        • I suppose I should say “dating ME should do” – I don’t mean to generalize or tell anyone else how to conduct themselves on a date. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          • I asked because prevailing wisdom here and among straight women I’ve met irl is that men should always pay just because, but it’s usually framed as the asker should pay then the women never ask anyone out. It trickles into the lesbian world, and I find it silly & annoying, but good to see you do the asking as well.

          • It seems to me me that at least offering to pay on a first date is the way to go. One thing about traditional etiquette is that you can but fraught issues like socio-eco-gender relationships on the the back burner and worry about other things, like whether you like each other. If things work out, you can move to a more nuanced financial relationship. If not, you’re only out the cost of a pint or a modest dinner, and you look like a “gentleman,” which is never a bad thing. Heck, if I ran into SInSA or Anon on a Friday night out and we just got talking at the bar, I’d probably offer to pick a round or two just because.

          • I am always prepared to pay my half, but some guys seem to think that I’m trying to say I’m not interested when I offer. It can be a minefield.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Some guys seem to get insulted when I offer to pay. When I was doing a lot of online dating I would always offer, then after enough guys seemed to not like that, I would grab my purse when the bill came and they always said no. Then I just started reaching for my purse. Eventually I just started waving my hand in the general direction of my purse. I was tired of arguing.

        • I like that in theory, but in reality, one group asks a lot more, so I don’t think that should be the standard. If you hate the guy, then him not paying for a cider shouldn’t even be a thought, imo.
          I’m in the mindset to split unless one of us went out of the way or you pick the most expensive place in town for a first date.

          • Got to agree with you there. With Internet dating, is any one person actually “asking” the other person out, in the traditional sense? You’re both online…you’re both chatting because at the very least you’re superficially attracted to one another…you’re both there to find a date.
            It seems silly to expect the other person to pay for a single drink. This is why you go moderately priced, no-pressure places for a first date – if it’s going bad, you can pay your share and get out of there easily.

          • When I was dating, I always offered to split. Frequently, this was turned down. When meeting at a bar, I always took the “round” mentality – you buy a round, I buy a round. I do this with friends too. I think a lot of straight guys still have the guy pays mentality (with my BF, I will tell him I am paying and he will still grab the bill when it comes). I think it’s ok for a guy to pay, but I don’t think it’s ok to expect it. One should always be prepared to pay their own way.

          • “I think a lot of straight guys still have the guy pays mentality…” I got over that at an early age (I still remember running out of cash on the first date with my wife). I like to think I made up for it by being worth the expense. ๐Ÿ™‚
            And now that I’m older and have a little cash, I try to err on the side of overpaying. Who knows, a little bit of bad luck I could be depending on the kindness strangers (and lovers) again, soon enough. .

        • Pablo Raw

          In my culture, if I ask, I pay.

          • Yer in ‘murrica now, son! You need to followin’ ‘murrican culture!
            (Lessn that foreign stuff is gitten ya laid — ‘murricn culture is very results-oriented).

        • I feel this way too, even though I know it’s old-fashioned and antiquated – I can’t help having the “gentleman should pay on the first date esp if he asked” mindset. Part of that is because I tend to only have one cheap drink (happy hour house wine, or something), and the guy will have 2-3 more expensive drinks. If it’s not going well and I know I’m not going to see the person again, I insist on paying; otherwise I feel like I’m taking advantage of the person. But if I know I’ll want to see him again, then I can just pay for the second date.

          • I don’t get the connection with his drinks vs your drink. If he had the 1 cheap and you had the more expensive drinks would you pay?
            You could like him & he might dislike you, so the second date might never happen or he moves to Timbuktu. Who knows?
            I just like keeping it equal. If I like someone a good amount, I’ll continue to plan fun stuff and pay down the road.

      • I recently went on a date where the guy asked me out, picked the place (semi-expensive), ate/drank more than me, and then wanted to split the bill! That certainly tainted my impression of an otherwise pretty good date.

        • I assume you’re peeved the split was uneven, right? When I say split, I didn’t mean 50/50 if there is a big difference. He should have eyeballed what he had or offered to cover the tip. That’s only fair.
          The other problem is you never know where someone is financially, so semi expensive to you could be cheap for him. I’ve had the misfortune of meeting people who seem to have stability but are really struggling financially, so if I’m picking something it’s nice but never pricey.

    • So did he have you pay separately for a single drink? (Maybe this is old-fashioned, but on a first date where I had one drink, I would hope that the dude would pay, and I feel like paying separately might make things awkward.) Glad to hear you’re doing well and using the last relationship as a learning opportunity. It sounds like you have great perspective!

      • Yes, I paid for my drink, he paid for his drink. And because he’s the one that initiated contact on OKC, and he’s the one that asked to meet up, I figured it would definitely be a gentlemanly thing to do, to offer to pay for a drink that you asked me to show up for. It’s not a deal breaker, by any means, I personally feel it is just a classy move by the person that asks you out. I am also the fan of buying “rounds” and I even pay for my friends (in rounds) when I go out with them. I never expect the guy to pay all the time, and I would hope the guy would never expect me to pay all the time. Just for me, if you want to impress me after you have pursued me and asked me out on a first date, at least offer to pay for my drink. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t ask for much, really.

        • Most of the time I’ve seen women complain about a guy not paying is when she also says she didn’t like him. I think guys are picking up on it honestly.

      • Even if you dislike the guy….? How does it work? When the bill comes do you just sit there patiently hoping he’ll scoop it up quickly?
        Here’s my funny story on paying. Went out didn’t like the woman but thought maybe friends, then she turned me down hard. Get the check, and she had 1 beer & I had significantly more. She flips out about it. Wrote down and told the server exactly how much to charge her card. I planned to pay for her beer, but she was being so rude I just laughed about it and left before she even collected herself.

        • Oh, I didn’t wait patiently. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not patient. I had my card all ready to go, but it would have been nice for him to say “No, I’ve got this.” — if it was an awful date, no, I would not expect anything (this wasn’t an awful date, this was a “this guy does not need to be dating anyone until he can stop looking like he’s going to cry about his ex girlfriend” date).
          WOW, your date sounded awful. I’m so sorry that happened. And I would have done the same thing, potentially that you did.

          • Awful is in the eye of the beholder. Having someone mention an ex on the first date is pretty awful to me.
            I just laughed about it. Definitely my worst first date.

          • Anon, if I meet you at the PoP Happy Hour, ask me about the “Planets Guy” – it is probably my favorite worst first date I have ever had. (And it is definitely the favorite of my friends, who apparently tell it to others when they’ve moved away from here!)

        • I’ve always offered and been told “I’ll get it” or something like that. I always offer, and I’m always prepared to pay…but on a first date it would surprise me to be taken up on it, especially for one drink. I could see this getting tricky with lady-dating!

          • I mean, chances are also really good that I might buy some of your drinks at Happy Hour if we’re hanging out and having fun, like what Irving Steele said. I have no problems paying for my drink (or potential friends, or potential dates). I hope that was not construed as me saying I didn’t want to pay for myself.

          • I asked a gay guy how they handled it, and they didn’t have a system or issues.
            Once I had a woman ask if I’d “let her pay her half” which I couldn’t help but chuckle at. I later found out she was fresh out of the closet, so it made sense.

          • This. I offer, and am willing to pay. But usually it gets turned down. I also employ this tactic when dining with my parents and particularly with my older siblings.

          • It’s a purely selfish issue. That stuff comes over from the straights, and I’m not interested in paying all the time esp. when I usually do all the planning & pick a place most convenient for her with the things she likes at a decent price point. The cancelled date was I asked but she picked the place which was pricier. I think she should pay, but I’d split it anyway.

        • Anon Spock: This conversation reminds that back in the 80s, when I had a string of waiter jobs, the couples most likely to have strictly defined “gender” roles were the lesbian couples. I don’t thing I ever waited on a couple where on person ordered for the other (until I worked at a high end french place and had 60-year-old straight couples) except for lesbians.

          • That doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve done it a couple times at her direction; otherwise, no. Some ladies really like that dynamic.

  • Dilemma: Walked behind a woman for several blocks. She was wearing a sheer black dress, and it was pretty see-through in the sun (could clearly see difference between thong and skin). Sun was shining directly from behind, and in all likelihood the material wasn’t that transparent indoors. Debated letting her know that the dress was perhaps more sheer than she realized but ultimately didn’t. Should I have?
    RANT: Ads suddenly talking at me from a blank space on the page so I can’t even hit mute!

    • binpetworth

      I would not have said anything. I feel like one of the signs of adulthood is being able to figure out for yourself how sheer your attire is and dress appropriately for the setting. Now if she’d had a stain or tear or something on her dress that she may have been unaware of, then by all means speak up.

    • You know this is a great question and I’d be curious to hear others’ thoughts. I once had a lady tell me on the metro that my dress was falling down in the front so I looked down and saw nothing – it’s just how the dress was cut (and I was wearing a full coverage tank top underneath). So I was very confused.

    • It’s hard to know what shows/doesn’t show from the back and in direct sunlight. I’d say something.

      • General Grant Circle

        This is like women in the short dresses and skirts going up a long escalator. I have a hard time imagining that out of the hundreds each day SOME don’t realize they are flashing the 40 people behind them.

    • If you’re a man – do not say anything. You’ll freak her out with your creepiness.
      If you’re a woman – it depends.

      • so no matter how respectful a man says something to a woman = creepiness? you sound crazy!

        • I’m actually the OP and I’m a man.
          Yes, you will freak a woman out if you tell her that you can see her thong underwear through her see-through dress. Even if you’re respectful, lol.

    • I wouldn’t say anything and here’s why: there’s nothing she can do about it in that moment. So if she’s mortified then she just walks around self-conscious the rest of the day. Plus, her choice of undergarment may indicate that she already knew.

      I saw a girl the other day with a pencil shirt that still had the “X” on it from being new (the stitching that holds the flap thing down, does that have a name?). I mentioned it to her because it was a simple thing that she could remedy once she got into the office.

      • That was the main reason I never said anything–she’d have all day to worry about it if she didn’t already know. And I was hoping that it was just the direct sunlight behind us in the morning that was creating the issue.

        • palisades

          Yeah this isn’t like a piece of food in your teeth or TP on your shoe. There’s nothing you can do about it.

          • Yeah. The seam on my dress split, right on my butt, totally unbeknownst to me and my coworker told me, but I had just come from a big meeting and it was too late. Damage was done.
            I’m not sure I would have preferred to find out at home when I took it off, but either way, I have no idea when it happened, who saw it, etc. I cringe a little when I think about it, but what are you going to do?

          • If I were your co-worker, I would have given you my office cardigan to tie around your waist.
            There are lots of fixes for workday wardrobe malfunctions. I wouldn’t assume that there’s nothing to be done about it. The woman with the see-through dress could have popped into Nordstrom Rack for a slip.

      • anonymouse_dianne

        That’s my rule of thumb, too. If the person can’t fix it, don’t say anything, or wait til the end of the day. Otherwise if its fixable, say something, sweetly.

      • Thank you Andie! I want to run after those people with scissors.
        I generally call it tacking, as the vent is tacked close. Also, in most cases it’s called a vent, not a slit. PSA: There can be vents on skirts and jackets, so it behooves you to check both on new purchases.

        • phl2dc

          It really bugs me too! I don’t understand how people don’t notice it. Don’t they wonder why there’s a random slit in their garment?

        • I often see guys with that little label on the outside of the left cuff (that the tailor cuts off if you get it tailored) and I want to tell them but I’m afraid I’ll seem snobby.

        • I actually thought of you when I saw it…like “jeslett would not be okay with this…I must say something”

        • hammers

          they honestly might not know it’s not supposed to be there. I think I mentioned it to someone once and she never cut it during the day. I didn’t know you were supposed to cut those until an internship or something… then again, I don’t have Jeslett’s fashion knowledge- I remember the slip conversation.

          • I didn’t know you were supposed to cut those until a few YEARS after working in a professional setting. I thought I broke it when they ripped occasionally when walking. Common misunderstanding.

          • Same, I didn’t know you were supposed to cut those until my first real internship.

      • Emmaleigh504

        Same here. If it is immediately fixable, say something, if not then don’t. I’ll catch up to women and tell them when their bags are pulling their skirts up (how do they not know this will happen?) or the lady whose baby pulled her shirt down and expose her. But the lady at worK (who I don’t know) wearing panty hose as leggings, nope.

      • In the moment she couldn’t do anything, but rather than walking around all day like this she may have a sweater she could tie around her waist, or time to go buy a SLIP ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Why does her choice of thong suggest she knew?
        I wear the same type on underwear pretty much every day, so for me it wouldn’t mean anything.

    • That One Guy

      Wait, just to be fair, someone needs to hover near the chapless fellow and see if anyone mentions the poor choice in attire.

  • Rant: I contacted date to reconfirm, and she cancelled because of work, but it sounded like she knew yesterday or Monday. Would I have found out if I didn’t make contact? She also didn’t offer a reschedule, so we shall see….
    Rave: All refi paperwork in & I’ll have it already done for my purchase.
    Rave: Fun times this weekend.

    • hmm…that date sounds shady. if you cancel you offer to reschedule and say when you’re free as common courtesy would suggest.

  • Rant: I got bit again yesterday.
    Rant: I had to go to Urgent Care at 10pm last night and I have cellulitis from said bites.
    Rant: My wedding officiant officially canceled…he is sick. I hope he is okay, but dang the wedding is a little over a month away.
    I can’t even think of a rave right now…bad week.

    • Anonomnom

      To help you with a case of perspective… My wedding is exactly 5 weeks away and we don’t even have an officiant! So at least your head is in the right space ๐Ÿ™‚
      Congratulations on the impending nuptials, and I hope you get a great stand in!

      • Thanks. Actually I do have a rave. I was never that excited about our officiant and even before this he wasn’t the best communicator. So blessing in disguise?! I’m sure it will turn out fine so I am not too stressed. Our dress alteration lady had to cancel due to illness too, but that was months ago and it was easy to find someone else. Congrats to you too!

    • if any of you need a Jewish officiant, I’ll plug for Cantor Nancy Ginsberg – she did my bat mizvah and then YEARS later did my wedding – she lives in MD and came in for it. She was amazing – she has a gorgeous voice, is progressive (does gay weddings, ect), and takes time to personalize your ceremony. Two thumbs up!

    • Not knowing anything about what you want I’ll plug for Tiffany Newman http://www.marriagedc.com/ My husband and I decided last minute not to go to the court house, so I found her on yelp. So romantic! I later learned she had very good ratings on the knot (a wedding site I knew nothing about, as we had no wedding really) and does a lot of same sex ceremonies (which for some reason made me happy).

      • Thanks, but rave: good friend’s husband is going to do it!! He is already ordained and this makes it easier (and cheaper!) woo.
        Rave/Rant: Just had the bed bug people here that use a k9 to find them and they found NOTHING! This is the second bed bug check we’ve done, but the first one was just visual. Yay for my bank account, bad for my sanity. I am now narrowing it down to spider.

  • Rant: In spite of plenty of places for clean water (two bowls of fresh water; access to a running tap twice a day), the cat drinks out of the toilet. What is so alluring about toilet water? Now, I have to keep everything closed.
    Rave: my piano and spending time with it.

    • http://www.chewy.com/dog/drinkwell-platinum-pet-fountain-13/dp/48102

      Best thing ever! Every cat I’ve ever had /fostered has loved this thing.

    • Maybe your cat might like one of those pet water fountain things that keeps the water circulating?

      • Yes, I certainly have a drinkwell fountain, but it is not operating due to my own laziness (the thing requires weekly cleaning of all its parts-ugh). Maybe I need to just restart it and get in the habit, once again, of the weekly cleaning, so I can hopefully deter him from using the toilet. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • ha I stopped using mine for the same reason, the cats liked it, but the water went everywhere and requires so.much.cleaning.

    • Why is drinking from the toilet a problem?

      • Emmaleigh504

        Yeah, my parents just left the lip and seat up for their dog. But they did have another bathroom the dog did not have access to that humans could use (the meat bathroom, the dog got the milk bathroom. I just wanted to share that my father is weird and kosherized our house. we are not jewish, my dad just thought it made a good way to differentiate the sides of the house. I suspect my dad is related to IDGI.)

        • I Dont Get It

          Your dad sounds like a wonderful person!

          • Emmaleigh504

            And that’s exactly what he’d say if I told him about you, “He sounds like a wonderful person!” Is that some sort of Hoosier code like the southern-ish “bless his heart”?

      • Why is drinking from the toilet a problem? Maybe it is good that you’re “Anon today”- haha! Seriously, ick!! I also don’t like how he sticks his paws in the toilet while he is drinking- those paws are going on my couch eventually- double ick!!

        • Emmaleigh504

          But his paws are also going in the cat box, right?

          • Ah, good point, Emily- the things we have to overlook when owning cats. You basically have to leave your OCD at the door- haha!

        • Solution: clean your toilet. Used and maintained properly there’s nothing “ick” about it.

        • Sweetheart, your cat licks his anus daily. Probably often mere minutes before he jumps on your lap and nuzzles your cheek. And you’re worried about a little toilet water?
          Agree with above, clean your toilet. It’s not normal for a toilet to be icky. That’s not to say I haven’t SEEN icky toilets. There are some seriously nasty slovenly people out there. If you are one of these people, take steps.

          • You know, wdc, you can clean your toilet religiously (as I do- it’s that German cleanliness gene, I think), but who wants to eat their dinner out of the toilet or take a drink yourself? I’m not being *that* crazy in thinking this is disgusting or something to be discouraged.

          • It’s the same water that comes out of your kitchen faucet, into a clean non-porous container. It’s not ideal because of the associations, but to call it “disgusting” is quite an exaggeration. Unless you live in squalor. However, if you are cleaning your toilet “religiously” I would worry about the cleaning chemicals your cat is ingesting. Just close the lid.
            But seriously, cats lick their butts. How do you even have a cat if you’re this compulsive?

    • palisades

      Ha! My cat drinks from the toilet and whenever I see her doing it, she acts like I caught her in the act of something nefarious. It’s adorable.

    • phl2dc

      One good thing about keeping the toilet closed: you won’t be dropping things into it accidentally!

    • Keep the toilet lid down?

  • skj84

    Rave: volunteering at a major event. Great networking and learning oppertunities.

    Rant: forgot to restock by business cards. I do have a stack, but it’s less than I wanted to bring with me.

    • In a pinch you can buy business card stock at Staples/Office Depot and print your own. They don’t look as nice, but at least you’ll have more.

  • Rant: Feeling incredibly stressed with everything that is going on. Also, I have court with my ex next week which always send my anxiety into high gear. I’m hopeful that there will be an actual outcome this time, but considering the judge has continued a child support case three times now over a span of 10 months, I’m doubtful.
    Rave: Co-worker brought in yummy homemade cupcakes this morning!

  • Rant: Four months after ordering six shirts from Knot Standard (anticipated delivery time: 6 weeks) they finally show up, and the cuffs, of all things, are so ridiculously large that hurts to even consider wearing them .
    Rant: People who sit on the exercise equipment you want to use reading entire chapters of War and Peace on their phones in between sets.

    • That’s unfortunate. I was considering checking them out for some suits. Did you buy anything other than shirts from them?

      • Not yet.. The shirts were kind of a test case. In their defense, after I complained a few weeks back, the CEO stepped and they gave me a substantial refund. He says he’s determined to win me back. On the other hand, a colleague — a repeat customer who likes them — is pacing (metaphorically) nervously while waiting for the long-overdue shirts he was having made for his wedding.

    • Charles Tyrwhitt. Their shirts are great and pretty much always on sale via their website. Much better quality than you typically find at department stores. Quality is on par with Brooks Brothers (at half the price).

      • I lean towards custom because I have a hard time finding off the rack shirts that fit me well — anything that fits me through the neck and shoulders is ridiculously large through the body. I did look into the Tyrwhitt on Connecticut once. They didn’t seem to stock sleeves long enough for me, but a glance at their website suggests that they are available. Maybe I’ll duck back in — thanks for the nudge

        • They have classic fit, slim fit, and ultra slim fit. They are the only off-the-rack shirts that actually fit me -I buy the Ultra Slim shirts. They fit me perfectly! No baggy armpits or billowing shoulders. Give it another try.

        • My husband needs extreme slim cut stuff but he’s tall. He’s taken shirts to Christopher Kim before – particularly his wedding tux shirt because he wanted it to fit right. It wasn’t cheap, but the shirt fits perfectly. It never really occurred to me that you could have shirts tailored, but it makes sense.

      • my husband swears by those shirts too and with the sales they aren’t that expensive. and he has a weird body type (super tall, TRex arms, normal torso)

    • I’ve loved every shirt I got from Ledbury, which is a small clothier in Richmond. Really high quality stuff at sub-Brooks Brothers prices. They do legit slim fits and actually are having a sale right now (I’ve gotten bombarded by the emails the last couple days). I own several and really like their stuff.

    • That One Guy

      Check out Eton. I like how their shirts are more form fitting than other brands and the quality of their fabric is great. I can’t speak to sleeve length because I run into the opposite problem of having short arms.

      Also, Seize Sur Vingt is having a sample sale right now if you want to try them. Their online store still has shirts available at the sales price.

  • Rant: After having this incredibly vivid dream of baking my grandmother’s pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, I woke up to the utter disappointment of there being no muffins in the kitchen.
    Rave: Having our chess set out on the dining table has resulted in us playing a lot more. I forgot how much I love chess.
    Rave: Our nephew called this morning to tell me that today was his first full day of first grade. I can’t believe he’s old enough to be in first grade already.

  • Rant: landlord told his construction crew for another house on the block that they could park in our driveway since they have 4 vehicles. Wtf, I’m not giving up my spot that I’m paying for so that he can make more money.
    Revel: taking the babies swimming this afternoon
    Revel: impromptu happy hour at DC Reynolds last night
    Rant: kind of hungover

    • “Wtf, Iโ€™m not giving up my spot that Iโ€™m paying for so that he can make more money.” Damn straight!! And he didn’t even tell you this beforehand — I assume you had to contact him to ask what was going on with the truck in your parking spot?

      • I kept an eye on the truck and when someone went to it, I asked what was up. He told me the landlord said he could park there. So kind of the landlord to let me know, right?

  • Rave or Rant: Seriously debating taking my SO to Costa Rica or Nicaragua for his birthday in February. Means I’m about $2-3K poorer, but I think it’d be a wicked good surprise. Anyone been there?
    Rave: It’s supposed to cool down about 10 degrees tomorrow or Friday!

  • Rant: My rant/rave was eaten by the internet.
    Rant/Rave: SO has asked for a higher offer. Rant because I want certainty NOW. Rave because he deserves it, heโ€™s worth it, and he had the wherewithal to ask for it. I should take note.
    Rave: Had a long talk about what it is we want and what it is we need over the coming months as we make this transition (of course prefaced with โ€“ weโ€™re psyched, this is awesome, letโ€™s do this).
    Rant: What heโ€™s comfortable with and what Iโ€™m comfortable with are different โ€“ (3 mortgages scares the shit outta me, even if we can cover it no problem. Heโ€™s done all the numbers, has faith in our back-ups/savings/security/insurance so heโ€™s totally at ease with it all).
    Rave: Off to NYC again this weekend to look at neighborhoods and potentially even look at apartments. Brokers here we come!

    • I thought you had a relatively good set of options if you were bound and determined to make it work long distance. But I wonder if you might consider moving to NYC full time and looking for a new gig there. You could still rent out your DC place (at least building equity, if not profit). Managing all of those moving pieces just to keep a job that you might be able to replace there seems… questionable to me, knowing little else about your situation, your area of expertise/interest, etc. YMMV.

  • Rant: Trying to figure out how to develop a very complicated database using a program I know almost nothing about, despite having attended the required two training classes. I’m trying to think of it as a fun puzzle, but it’s stressing me out nonetheless!
    Rave: Weather’s been quite nice – a tad warm, but none of that wretched humidity stuff!
    Rant: Two and a half days of training starting tomorrow for a new scheduling system. I have to travel back and forth to Silver Spring. Annoyed at the inconvenience.
    Rave: Little brother is thriving in San Fran and being amazing at his job already – getting the go-ahead from Zuckerburg himself to develop his app! I hope he remembers who always looked out for him when it comes time for holiday shopping!

    • Farragut

      On your database rant… The only thing I can suggest is to try some practice databases, or to start with a very basic template and then add on the complexities. That’s what I try to do when given something big like that–I gotta break it down into pieces. Obviously depends on the nature of the data, etc.

      • Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do right now, just take different aspects, build them into a template, and then hope I can combine these templates somehow to create the database. I’m trying to collect longitudinal data (establish a basic demographic and historical background for each entry, then track data from each individual encounter.) Luckily I have a meeting with a contact at another organization who said he could potentially share the database template he created for his research / tracking purposes, but that’s not until next week and I’m trying to at least just familiarize myself with what this database system is capable of doing…. Ugh! This is not my area of expertise! So like I said, trying to play with it like a puzzle….wish me luck!

  • Rave: It was perfect weather for cocktails on the deck last night. So relaxing.
    Rant: Post-vacation catch-up at work. I’m trying to wade through it all, but I keep feeling like I’m missing things.
    Rave: Getting settled at the new place. The piles of boxes are getting smaller!
    Rave: I love you, coffee. I have been getting so little sleep this week, and coffee is the only thing keeping me remotely functional.

  • Back at the doctor. They won’t take my symptoms seriously. They keep recommending motrin and maybe some PT. I think they’re think I’m a hypochondriac. But I have a plausible concerned that it’s serious. Like cancer serious. How inspire a smidgen of medical curiosity in a system mostly interested in keeping costs low?

    • My friend had multiple CT scans before they found her brain tumor. She had to go to many doctors over many years before a renowned specialist at Sloan-Kettering in NYC found it. She suffered from debilitating migraines for nearly a decade. Honestly? Keep getting opinions from different doctors. It might involve a trip to Hopkins in Baltimore or S-K in NYC to find the right doctor. Good luck!

      • The OP Anon, what happened to your friend with the brain tumor? Was it able to be surgically removed? I have a friend with chronic migraine (it’s going on three years at this point), and she has also been to numerous doctors. The only thing they found was a small aneurysm, the kind that you apparently don’t treat due to its smallness. Wonder if she should specifically seek out someone really good at a place like Hopkins, for example.

        • Where has your friend been for treatment? Georgetown has an excellent migraine clinic. A migraine for three years really needs additional intervention!

          • When she lived here, I think she was at GW. Then she was at Emory, and has been to a special migraine clinic in Chicago (it was two weeks or so of intensive treatments). I’m not sure where she’s gone since, though, but she lives in Boston, so a trip to Sloan-Kettering should be easy, I’d think… I just forwarded the message from The OP Anon to her, since this is the kind of stuff she would be interested in.

          • There may be a long wait list, but she should definitely get in.

        • She’s had two brain surgeries over the last 5 years and done a few rounds of chemo. We are crossing our fingers and toes that it won’t come back! She will be on pretty heavy drug regimen for the rest of her life, so she has to be careful with physical activity and must strictly monitor her diet. Both her lifestyle and personality have both changed A LOT since being diagnosed. It’s a life altering experience.

          • My best to your friend- it sounds like it is quite a road to be on. Our high school valedictorian ended up passing away just a few months after becoming a medical doctor due to an aggressive brain tumor. He was only 27. These are scary things.

    • It’s hard to really comment without knowing more specifics, but you can always request blood work if this has not be done already. Medical professionals are faced with a lot these days – drug seekers, WebMD self-diagnosis, etc – and the fact is, most illnesses and ailments are easily treated without a great deal of medical intervention, and this is almost always more favorable than significant intervention for diagnostic purposes, not just from a financial stand point, but from the stand point of caring for the patient.

      • +1!

      • Emmaleigh504

        I love my new doctor b/c she will suggest seemingly weird ideas that work. I’m still amazed that my never ending cough this winter/spring was acid reflux. Easy peasy OTC fix. Hope she never leaves the area, I’d hate to have to follow her around the country like a stalker.

    • I can sympathize with this. Even after multiple fainting spells and sudden loss of vision my doctors would just tell me I had low blood pressure and to add salt to my food. I agree with The OP Anon — it’s ridiculously time consuming but worth it to keep getting second and third opinions. Hopefully you’ll run into one eventually that will take your symptoms seriously and give you a proper diagnosis.

      • See, this is an example of when more tests ARE necessary. Fainting spells can be caused by multiple issues that can be diagnosed simply. For example, wearing a heart monitor to see if you are actually having episode of syncope. Yes, the most logical conclusion is low blood pressure, which yes, can be treated with increased salt in take (as well as other things). But fainting spells can also have nothing to do with your heart.
        I’m not saying that OP doesn’t have issues that need further investigation, it’s just that I’m having a hard time making the leap from treating with motrin and physical therapy (which tells me some sort of muscular or skeletal issue) to possible cancer.

    • Here’s my suggestion: level with the doctor about your frustration. “I’m continuing to have these symptoms, and your prior recommendation of Motrin/PT have not resolved them, so I am concerned about expecting a different result this time. I am frustrated and want to figure out a better alternative than what hasn’t been working.”

      • +1. If your doctor isn’t listening, it is time to either tell them that their minimizing your problems is an issue or get another doctor. You shouldn’t have to fight to get the care you need.

      • 100% this! This is an excellent suggestion and may help open up a dialogue so that you can determine if your doctor isn’t ordering additional tests because of valid reasons (and if so, how to find a workable solution together), or if s/he just doesn’t care.

      • Great advice, but the OP did not actually say that he/she had done any PT, only that it was recommended. If OP has done the motrin and PT without relief for the specified period of time (any therapy can take weeks to provide relief), then do this. There is nothing wrong with requesting more diagnostic testing. If you’re having a musculo-skeletal issue, request an MRI of the affect area. Also, go to a specialist and not a GP, they will have more of an idea/will have seen more of your problem and know how to better treat. Specialists have that “medical curiosity” and that is why they are specialists. Also, never be afraid to get a second (or third or fourth!) opinion.
        My daughter has a severe, chronic eczema. For years she was treated ineffectively because it was seen as a dermatology issue by her pediatrician. Now, for most people (say, 97%), it IS a dermatology issue, but for her and a few others, it is an allergy/immunology issue, and it wasn’t until a fellow in the last months of her training made this connection and referred her for further testing that we actually got somewhere with her treatment. She took an interest in my daughter’s case, followed her for about 6 weeks, read a paper, and made the connection. I can’t tell you how many doctors we went through only to have a fellow “solve” the case!

        • I though eczema was usually allergic/immune-related. We’ve always treated our kids’ little outbreaks with steroid cream. Thought that was the norm!

          • Nope, not always. Eczema refers to any inflammation of the skin or dermatitis. This can be cause by an irritant or an allergy or hormone changes or any number of things. When I say treating it as an allergy/immunology issue versus a dermatology issue, I mean specialist. A dermatologist will treat eczema differently than an allergist/immunologist. I can explain more if you are interested, but it’s probably too boring for most readers of this blog! All I can say is, there’s a really big difference between what she has and run of the mill eczema. She is currently prescribed three types of topical ointments (two steroids, one immunomodulator), as well as an RX for anxiety and antihistamine (anxiety is pretty common in sufferers of severe, chronic eczema). She is allergic to pretty much every single environmental allergy there is with the exception of animals, and everything sets her off; summer is bad because of the heat and the humidity, fall is bad because of all the leaves around; winter is bad because of the cold and dryness; spring is bad because of grasses…. it’s just a never ending battle! And then we have the self-esteem issues, the self-image issues…. it’s just tough for her.

        • All true. My assumption is that the OP had complied with prior recs and is still experiencing symptoms. I don’t agree that there is no harm in additional diagnostic testing just because. There is good reason for conservative testing and treatment strategies – there are real harms we should all avoid. But when those strategies don’t resolve symptoms, patients need to explain that to their providers and work on alternatives. I think it’s best to start with the current relationship, then expand to other specialists as needed.

    • Definitely go to different doctors. It’s also best to come as prepared as possible, esp. if you think they are dismissing your symptoms:
      -family history. Cancers, chronic issues like migraines, strokes, blood clots etc.
      -food diary. even if what you are experiencing is not in any way stomach-related, foods can trigger very seemingly unrelated symptoms i.e. aspartame causing migraines in some people. it will also demonstrate to your doctor(s) that you are taking this very seriously
      -symptom diary. document when your symptoms are arising, any physical activity/meals beforehand, if and when you take painkillers to treat it and how you feel afterwards.

      • +1! A symptom diary is a great way to go with chronic issues. It is so much better (and doctors WILL take you seriously) to actually be able to say “I had pain on xyz days.” To add to this, add the duration of your pain, the level of activity for the day, and also scale your pain 1-10.

        • I’ve heard from doctor friends that symptom diaries are a tip-off that you’re dealing with a hypochondriac, or an attention-seeker.
          Anonamom, are you a medical professional? Just curious, you seem to have strong opinions.

          • Actually, a doctor neighbor advised me to keep a symptom diary when I was having unexplainable issues. My mom has also been advised to do this.
            What might get you looked at as a hypochondriac is ever having a history of anxiety/depression issues. My grandfather, a gastroenterologist, liked to say that even his hypochondriacs had real stomach problems. He also wisely warned us that doctors do sometimes look at people with a history of anxiety/depression differently- he was acutely aware of this problem in his community and the struggles some patients go through to make their voice heard.

          • I’ve worked in healthcare for a really long time so have seen a lot from the behind the scenes point of view. I don’t give medical advice because I’m not a doctor, but I know how doctors work, how systems work, etc.

    • binpetworth

      Do you have have enough knowledge/symptoms to have an idea of what the underlying problem may be & be able to potentially visit a specialist with your suspicions? For example, a neurologist, cardiologist, etc.? Sometimes they can better assemble the constellation of seemingly unrelated symptoms.

    • I’m speaking from similar issues in my family: go see a new doctor (or two). You have to be the advocate for your own healthcare. Docs are just people – some are kind and curious, some are lazy and lackadaisical. Some just are privy to or interesting in the latest healthcare information. They are under a lot of pressure to crank through as many patients in a day as they can. The average amount of time a doc spends with his/her patient is 8 minutes! Plus, I think there is a difference in the kind of care you receive between a smaller practice or a big fancy specialist practice. (Or a community hospital vs. a major regional hospital center.) When it’s something that is truly concerning, it is worth seeing the “big guns” in the field.

  • Pablo Raw

    Rave: Went to visit a friend last night for good conversation and dinner
    Rant: The 2nd goal of the visit was to get bagels from this place on H St. It was closed. ๐Ÿ™
    Rant: I may starve the rest of the week unless
    Rave: Someone here knows a place that has great bagels and it’s open after work?
    Earworm: I’m trying to figure out in my mind, what would “Eternal Flame” would sound like if played with minor chords only and at a slow tempo.

  • Rant: Had to get up at 5:30 to get to work by 7 to leave at 3:30 to get to therapy appointment this afternoon. I was a zombie coming into work and nearly fell asleep at my desk shortly after I arrived.
    Rant: Spilled coffee on myself this morning resulting in stains on the front of my shirt.
    Rave: Got an appointment for my annual exam with my OBGYN
    Rave: I got tickets to a game in Nashville for Labor Day weekend. Will be great seeing the fam.
    Rave: Will be seeing therapist today.

    • A few weeks ago I knocked over my coffee cup and spilled it all the down the front of my white and blue dress. I had coffee stains from my chest all the way down to my knees. That was a fun day.

    • Contigo autoseal coffee mug (aka “adult sippy cup)
      I had a bad habit of knocking my old mugs over, so after ruining countless shirts, a mouse, keyboard, getting a replacement keyboard sticky, and spilling a mug of coffee all over a white shirt right before having to give a big briefing, I bought a mug on Amazon. Totally worth it, you can literally throw it and at worst it might dribble a drop of coffee (sometimes settles by the mouthpiece). I love that thing.

      • Ha! Never thought of my contigo coffee mug as an adult sippy cup, but that’s brilliant. I also love mine, though I had to replace the lids because they stopped sealing and would leak badly if even tilted. Fortunately, you can buy new lids without replacing the whole mug ๐Ÿ™‚

      • +1 for Contigo! I bought mine after my coffee spill incident mentioned above. I love it. No more spills!

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: To telework I have to fill out 2 forms, 1 table, and 3 calendars (not including my own). The world would probably end if we were allowed to share calendars with everyone in the group.
    Rave: Donna ate a little food and is happily dozing under the bed sans โ€œElizabeth collarโ€. She even ate a little food last night.

  • Rave: As of now, have a job in Philly. The one I wanted. References just need to check out.
    Rave: on target, still, to close on Monday on our house and start renovations that afternoon
    Rant: No internet at work, still, means I’m so out of the loop in many ways. I miss you all!!!!!

  • laduvet

    Rave: I cut almost 9 inches of my hair off last night – i feel transformed and a bit insecure. Hair cut slightly reminds me of January Jones/Mad Men style.
    Rant: work is dead….. i’d rather be in bed or being productive on my move.. (sulk)

  • Rave – Ordered some adult coloring books and fancy colored pencils last night! I can’t wait to get coloring and I’m happy adult coloring books are a thing.
    Rave – My dog is the cutest thing and I just love her. She makes me laugh every day.
    Rant – My SO and I are the worst at making decisions for our wedding. I really want to tell my all vendors to just do whatever they want. I should have hired a wedding planner.

    • This actually sounds like a cool idea to me. Sort of like crowd sourcing your wedding to experts. If there are aspects that you are both really indifferent about, why not give it a try on those?

      • Yeah we’re taking a very hands off approach to most vendors. But the DJ wants to know what songs to play during the ceremony, when walking down the aisle, when the ceremony is over, cake cutting songs, etc etc. I’m like, just play some nice music I don’t care!

        • GiantSquid

          I will happily volunteer to create playlists! I made the one for our wedding, I think I still have it. You just have to let me know your tastes & feel of ceremony.

      • Lol Mr. Eggs and I joked that we’d make it a GoFundMe thing. “Donate $10 and pick a song to be played at the reception. Donate $100 and pick the first dance song. Donate $100 and pick the kinds of flowers that will be in the bridal party’s bouquets/bouts. Donate $1000 and pick the bride’s dress.”
        I want someone to do it so badly.

    • Enjoy! What kind of coloring pencils did you order?

      • Prismacolor Pencils. They were very highly rated on Amazon. I wanted to get some fancy fine-tip markers but was concerned about the ink bleeding through the paper.

        • We color a lot at our house. Parents more than kids, really, but the little friends who come over enjoy it too. We have enough stuff to supply a dining-room-table’s-worth of colorers.
          In my very experienced opinion, markers are not for coloring. You made the right choice with the colored pencils. Tons of shading potential, ability to be somewhat erased, no mess.

        • Ooh, fancy! I bought the 97cent colored pencils at Staples as a treat for myself while I was buying school supplies ๐Ÿ˜›

  • Rave: Foster kittens were adopted – together!
    Rant: Cutest foster kittens ever were adopted.

  • Rave: Grafted heirloom tomato plant starting to produce big beautiful fruit
    Rave: Ethiopian tonight with friends from out of town
    Rant: Still have itchy welts from Sunday’s yellow-jacket stings

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave: Day Two of squatting in my old office although I may have
    Rant: Snapped at someone who told me I should have an excuse ready in case the move coordinator came down here and saw me. How about I say something like โ€œWhen the new person shows up, Iโ€™ll pick up my laptop and move into the hoteling space.โ€
    Rant: I really need to buckle down and start and finish my faux performance review.

  • Question: I want to make the maketto scallion bread (recipe in Washington Post magazine). Do I need to go to an Asian grocery store to get chili oil or will I be able to find it in a regular supermarket?

    • Giant has it, at least the one in CH does. There’s an “asian food” section; look on the row of many small bottles. Sesame oil, chili oil, ginger oil, etc.

      • I’ll check out that store. I just went to the Van Ness Giant earlier today and they didn’t have it. I’m just happy to not have to trek out to Wheaton to get it!

    • Admittedly I haven’t looked, but if Giant doesn’t have it you can try the Japanese store at 17th & U. I’m always amazed by how much stuff they cram in there

  • Realtor rants (yes…I am one!)
    Realtor on the eastern shore will not call me back about her listing.
    The realtor that I have a shared closing with tomorrow and I just had a very awkward conversation.
    My realtor team leader is on the west coast on vacation, so she’s not really available to weigh in.
    This might be a symptom of it being August.
    Rave: Great time at the baseball game last night
    Rant: Friends interview got pushed back
    Rave: but they are still coming down this weekend, which means an extra visit!

  • Rant: I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and could not get back to sleep. Finished the night sleeping on the couch.
    Rave: At least we have a comfortable couch.
    Rave: Yoga. Last night’s class made me feel comfortable in my own body. I need more yoga in my life.
    Rave: Dinner with a good friend tonight.

  • Blithe

    Rave: Enabler504 has mad shopping skills! I’m loving my red bean and rice necklace!!!!! I also got a smiling moon pendant and two vine rings. I think I’m done now.
    Query: Would anyone really be up for PoPville Pearls and Pizza? Or bagels and baubles?
    Rave: I’ve finally, finally completely cleared my desk. Yay!
    Rant: A few weeks ago I bought some reasonably priced bookends from Amazon. Now they’re only available for purchase if you’re an Amazon Prime member. WTF?!!!! I can see charging less for members, but reserving items to be sold ONLY to members sucks. Especially when the items are in my list of past orders with a little button asking me if I want to order more. grrrr
    Rant: Pop up ad at the top of my PoPville page for WaWa’s. But no — there are no WaWa’s stores anywhere close to DC as far as I can tell. I heart WaWas.
    Query: Haven’t seen posts by Becks in quite a while. I hope everything’s okay.

  • Rave: I get to plan a party

    Rant: Don’t know where to go around Gallery Place that is affordable (like 2 $$ on yelp), suits both vegans and omnivores. Any suggestions hivemind?

  • topscallop

    Rant: no chemistry with my date last night, though we had a nice conversation. To contribute to the discussion above, I offered (sincerely, as I always do!) to split the bill, but he wanted to pay. To make it awkward, another dude I went on a couple of dates with was at the bar as well.
    Rant: feels like I’m drowning at work this week
    Rave: this weather is gorgeous
    Rave: fun plans for watching the debate tomorrow night

    • Did you go to the same spot with both dates? Was the guy from the previous date there with another woman?

      • topscallop

        I did not go to the same bar with the both dates, it was a coincidence. The guy from the previous dates was there with I think his now girlfriend (we went out twice and then he broke it off with vague explanation that made me think someone else he was dating wanted to get serious).

    • I have a thick skin for these things I’m sure, but it’s a small city in some respects, so yea you’ll probably cross paths again. Unless guy 1 works with guy 2 or it’s your crazy ex, who cares? Ignore or say hello if he speaks first. Not a big deal.

      • topscallop

        Oh, it was not a big deal at all, just a little awkward when we recognized each other, but we said hello courteously. Actually, the first guy lives around the corner from me so I see him around a lot, but have managed to avoid having to have a conversation so far.

  • Revel: Got sent home from focus group because they had too many people but I still got paid the full compensation!

  • Rave: I have turned peach crisp into lunch by eating it with greek yogurt.
    Rave: I added vanilla extract to the greek yogurt.
    Rave: my bff’s baby went home yesterday!

  • Rave: starting a book club with friends. pretty sure it’l be a regular thing considering who’s in it. very excited to host it too. choosing books that are available at the public library to save some $$$.
    Rave: no longer dwelling on romantic disappointments. it happens. you grow. you give the virtual middle finger (though I would love to give it to you IRL) to “anonymous” commentors who tell you that the person you date “dodged a bullet” dating you. rude af, dude.

    • That One Guy

      Are you taking recommendations for books to read? If so, what about Haruki Murakami.

      • Yes! Always open to suggestions. I’m sure we’ll have a list and pick which ones we want to read and plan. We are planners.

    • The risk of posting here is that you might get someone who thinks you’re the problem, doesn’t agree, etc. You both dodged a bullet. You’re no more ready to seriously date than he is.

      • I think the term “dodged a bullet” is inaccurate to use in this particular circumstance since we’re not harmful for each other just weren’t a good match as we already suspected. I am also ready to date the right person seriously while he admittedly isn’t ready to be serious with anyone. We actually just talked and agreed to be friends because we do like each other and enjoy each other’s company but agreed that we are not the best partner for each other. We have plans to hangout as friends soon. It’s nice not dislike the person you’ve dated. Civility is cool.

        • My post was one of opinion just like the anonymous you’d like to flip off. You’ve posted an inaccuracy but no need to rehash yesterday’s conversation.
          Your dating antics keep me entertained if nothing else. I never got much out of keeping a gaggle of exes around but to each their own.

          • Gaggle? He’s the only one I’d actually consider being friends with. Shocking that a person can date and have it end and still have good things to say about most of it. Even more shocking that you can agree that it’d be fine to stay friends/friendly and not avoid/talk crap about each other. He’s nice a guy so not much bad to say aside from just not being on the same page. That’s not a flaw. It happens.

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