Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user nevermindtheend

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

277 Comment

  • Rave: I felt so much love on my birthday yesterday! And, I was given a pasta maker. This is very exciting.

    Rave: Surprising my mom with a stop at Crumbs & Whiskers this afternoon. She’s going to be so happy!

    Rave: My mom is here. Even though she does stuff that annoys me, I really like having her here.

    Rave: My dad remembered to call me on my birthday yesterday. I didn’t think he would (due to his memory issues).

    Rave: Feeling ready to take on the world!!

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: Working at home today.
    Rant: And my stupid monitor decided not to turn on. Now I have to use Mr. Zelda’s stupid computer, which has a stupid, horrible keyboard, and I’m cranky because everything is just stupid right now.
    Rave: Leftover birthday cake for breakfast. That’s not stupid.

  • Revel: My boyfriend’s moving in! Can’t wait to start this next stage of life together!

    Rant: It can’t happen until our building renovations are complete, and the timeframe is still TBD.

    Request: Does anyone have any advice on how this works financially? Should we have a lease for him in the unit I own (and for which I have a mortgage)? Would that require me to get a small business license with the district? That seems silly if we’re living together rather than having a tenant in a separate unit… Just unsure of how to proceed.

    • I’m pretty sure that you don’t need a business license for renting out shared space, though I could be wrong on that. I think the more important issue is sorting out how to deal with joint expenses and you may want to put that in writing to make sure you’re both on the same page. Is he contributing to the mortgage payment? Paying for other expenses instead? Some combination? Or perhaps you both contribute to a joint account that joint expenses come out of?

      • HaileUnlikely

        Regarding needing a business license to rent out shared space: I have combed over the DCRA website and the actual DC Housing Code as thoroughly as I could (not a lawyer), could not determine with any certainty whether it was required or not, so I asked DCRA (multiple people on multiple occasions over a period of a couple years) and got conflicting answers. I’m not sure a real answer exists. I suspect that at some point in the future, DCRA lawyers and some owner-roommate’s lawyers will spar over the legal interpretation of the phrase “offer for rent,” as used in DC Code 14-200.1 “For purposes of this chapter, a housing business is any dwelling unit or rooming unit in a residential building that is *offered for* rent or lease. A housing business shall include the rental of a dwelling unit or rooming unit in a residential building that the licensee also occupies.” (14-200.2 says all housing businesses need a license.) While it is evident that your living there vs. elsewhere doesn’t change whether a business license is required, I don’t know whether allowing a friend or lover to live with you constitutes “offering for rent or lease.”

        • HaileUnlikely

          p.s. I suspect that in such a case, no sane person would care. The point of the above was simply that despite trying very hard, I have found it utterly impossible to determine the circumstances under which a Basic Business License is versus is not required when allowing another person who is not your spouse or dependent to live in a home that you own and use as your principal residence.

          • A sane person WOULD care if they were moving in with someone they don’t trust. (Whether moving in with someone you don’t trust, never a good idea, means you aren’t sane is open for debate. People do all kinds of insane things when sexually involved.)
            I think the reason it isn’t covered in the law is because it is assumed that asking someone to share your bed and house is considered not to be a commercial transaction. (Paying to rent a room in someone’s home is considered to be a commercial transaction.)
            I don’t really want to see a day when the district governs intimate relationships as commercial transactions, when people haven’t taken the trouble to bring the law into it by getting domestic partnered or married, or otherwise bringing the law into it by having children together who need to be supported once they break up.
            The law is there, though, which is why it is really important to trust a partner you move in with. I knew someone in NYC who rented her basement to a woman, whose boyfriend stayed there sometimes (landlady had the impression that he had not actually officially moved in.) Arguments involving domestic abuse starts. Police are called. Police tell the tenant and landlady that they boyfriend cannot legally be barred from the space because he has established that he lives there, by saying that he does. A cautionary tale. Don’t know the DC rule on this.

        • Accountering

          You do not need a business license to move in with your boyfriend. Full stop.

          • HaileUnlikely

            I am still truly interested in finding out whether a business license is required to a.) rent a room in your house to a stranger, and b.) rent a room in your house to a friend.

          • HaileUnlikely

            Also, I suspect that if she actually makes out a lease for her boyfriend, then that would constitute a housing business. Thus, in the event that in the future this or some other owner desires to legally enforce provisions of lease with (ex-)boyfriend, then the question of whether a BBL is required actually matters.

          • Yes, this does make me chuckle reading that to myself.

    • It might be worth drawing up a lease. It can get very messy if you break up and he doesn’t want to move out.
      For apartment maintenance and renovations, you should pay for that entirely. It’s your apartment and mortgage. You’re the one bagging the equity, so I would expect repairs to be covered by you.
      Utilities, bills, cleaning supplies, shared goods, etc should be split evenly.
      A buddy of mine is in a big row with his girlfriend right now. He bought a house in LA with his money, but she’s not on the mortgage. She wants him to pay back her rent if they ever break up. He told her – in no uncertain terms – “NO WAY.” It’s really damn awkward.

      • WTF – back rent if they break up? Is she completely bat shit?

        • Blithe

          Maybe she recognizes that she’s spending her paycheck on his mortgage. A few years from now, he breaks up with her, he’ll have equity, she’ll have nothing. I don’t have a specific solution to offer, but I don’t think the girlfriend’s concerns are “bat shit”. I’ll be interested in reading the comments on this re: a fair way to handle this.

          • How is that any different from her renting an apartment for a few years? She has to live somewhere, she’s living in someone else’s property, she pays rent. If I have a falling out with my landlord and move out, I don’t get the rent I paid for the last few years back. Think you do is perhaps the definition of batshit crazy.

          • He’s paying for all renovations (the house needs a bunch of work), he will continue to pay for maintenance/upkeep, and he’s paying 60% of the mortgage. She’d pay 40%, which is a bit underpriced considering that she will be living with him in a 2500 sq foot 3BR Craftsman house. I think her rent is only $900-1000/month, which is much cheaper than a 1BR apartment in LA.
            I don’t know what the “fair” situation would be. If he broke up with her in three years’ time, she would have still been paying that money to a non-related landlord regardless. If she marries him, she now becomes co-owner of a property that she did not contribute for the downpayment or renovations (a huge gain for her).

          • Are you serious? “A few years from now, he breaks up with her, he’ll have equity, she’ll have nothing.” She’ll have had a roof over her head for the duration of time she stayed there. If I decide I want to move out of my apartment because I don’t like DC anymore, does the rental company owe me money?

          • But when you rent, you don’t get equity. When you are living with someone and they own the home, you are essentially their roomer. Just like with any roomer, you are renting a space. If she wants in on the equity, she needs to buy into the house. He’s the one who has all the risk involved in owning a home and also the one who has probably already put down a deposit and/or paid quite a bit into it.

          • Yeah, I take your point Blithe, but I’m with Beer on this one. In essence, she’s paying rent. If she’s paying for maintenance or paying more than reasonable market-level rent, then she may have some standing. But, as a renter, she’d be contributing to someone’s equity regardless.

          • Blithe

            Anonamom — I’m assuming that she doesn’t have the option to buy into the house. I’m not disagreeing with the house owner’s stance on this. It is, in fact, what I would do and have done in the situation. I just don’t think that the girlfriend is “bat shit” for realizing that she’s making a decision that financially, might not be in her best interest long term.

          • If she is putting her financial interest first above all else, then she needs to reconsider why she is moving in with someone. It’s not bat shit to ask, but it is bat shit to expect something like this from someone.

          • Accountering

            Nope, she is bat shit. Perhaps he could pay her back for half the principal payment ($2000 mortgage, taxes, insurance, condo fee total) and principal is $300/month, he could refund her her share of the principal (so $150/month.) To expect that she gets back the full amount makes her bat shit crazy/a financial idiot.

          • Accountering: the principle amount based on the amortization schedule is actually a really good idea. I will suggest that to him, it might be a good compromise.

          • Except there more involved than the principal payments. There’s the deduction from income tax he gets from paying the mortgage interest and tax deductions, so I’d adjust more to be fair.
            She’s not a roomer, and she’s not bat-shit. People have been screwed when they bought a house together and lived together for decades when the house was in one’s name only. Used to be common that the house was only in the man’s name, even in marriages. That’s why we have reformed divorce laws that split up community property. And why the concept of common law marriage has existed and continues to exist.
            To those who say she’d have been paying rent for those years elsewhere: I say, he’d have been paying all of the expenses on his home for those years if she hadn’t been living with him.
            To say she just pays rent puts the relationship on at the basis if roommates who are f*ck buddies. If they truly are in a relationship, then recognizing the benefit he gets from using her rent money to build equity and get tax deductions is only fair.
            I think if I had a partner move in with me in a place I already owned, unless I bought it with the notion of having roommates, had always had roommates before the live-in relationship began, and was going to have roommates again after we broke up (and probably even then), I’d just pay the housing expenses myself (i’m getting the equity and the income tax deductions) and have the other person contribute to the home economy in other ways – pay for utilities and groceries or entertainment, that sort of thing. Keeps it very clear, legally, about the house. I also might see doing that if I were to move in with someone who already owned a home … though I can’t see doing that, as I’ve never been the dependent type.

        • I would end the relationship and run. Huge red flag.
          The girlfriend is being unreasonable.

      • I think they should break up because she asked.
        Agreed on the lease, so there is no confusion.

        • I totally would. That is just ridiculous!! Oh, and agreed on the lease. If you are the owner, it’s best to protect yourself in the event of a break up. Isn’t it easier to get rid of a tenant versus a squatter? And if there’s no lease, aren’t there squatter’s rights after 30 days? Also, speaking from the experience of living with people both romantically and non-romantically, sit down and have a conversation before this happens about how you will share expenses. I would also suggest that you split the utilities – ie, you pay gas, he pays electric – versus going 50/50. Also, a household fund for things such as groceries works great (you both kick in $50 a week or whatever) so that one person doesn’t feel like they are always buying everything. Also, a word to the wise, do not combine finances. If you want, do a joint account for household things that you both equally contribute to, but keep your own accounts.

          • Yes on this–to clarify, I wasn’t suggesting combining finances above, but when my wife & I first started living together, we got a joint credit card to use for joint purchases, which made divvying up our contributions a little easier. Another option is to kick in a certain amount from each person’s paycheck into a joint account to use for joint household stuff (utilities, groceries, etc–but not maintenance, at least not at first).

          • I totally agree with you, mtpresident. The joint account idea is the best option for couples IMO. I think that when you move in with someone, you should try to minimize the potential for conflict as much as possible, and money is a HUGE potential conflict in any living situation, whether romantic or non-romantic. The best thing is to talk about it, agree to whatever you agree to, and then follow through with it. But most importantly, have these conversations now, not later.

          • I’m not sure about tenant vs squatter, but yes, in DC you get squatter’s rights after 30 days which are not unlike a tenant (must provide heat and hot water, no self-help evicting, etc.)

            Why not go 50/50 on utilities? I don’t think a lease is a sign of distrust. I have a lease for a roommate; I’d do it for a partner for the same reason. Plenty of people don’t do leases in even group houses. I just think it’s foolhearty not to have things laid out clearly.

          • I suppose it’s personal preference from someone who has been burned (so take it with a grain of salt). In my mind, splitting the bills can get messy very quickly – for example, when I think 50/50 on utilities, I think utilities in my name, we get the bill and split it. So I’m waiting for your part of the bill. What happens if you don’t give that to me, or I have to wait, the bill is late and I incur a late fee? At the end of the day, I am still responsible. Now, if you have the money to cover it (which OP most likely does since it’s her home that she owns) and you’re basically pocketing the cash, then I suppose it’s no big deal, aside from the bad feeling that may occur if someone is not meeting their end of the bargain.

          • If you don’t trust a live-in partner such that you want a lease to help you financially if things turn sour (it will hurt you, see below), then opening a joint bank account together or getting a joint credit card is an even stupider idea. You should know how these things work before suggesting them. A joint bank account can be completely cleaned out (legally) by either party; someone can run up expenses on a joint credit card that are now YOUR debt and can ruin your credit.
            Again, if you don’t trust someone, linking yourself to them legally and financially is a very bad idea, and will only hurt you, not help you, when you break up.

          • True enough, though that’s a reason to not over-contribute to a joint account and to pay attention to the credit card. Fwiw I wasn’t advocating a lease, but suggested writing down whatever they agreed on to make sure everyone is on the same page. You can trust someone to the moon & back–and he or she can be completely trustworthy–and still end up with a financial disagreement because of a misunderstanding. Making sure everyone’s on the same page is key, and the side joint account/cc can help with the accounting. I doubt OP doesn’t trust her boyfriend if she’s planning on having him move in with her. But having expectations clear & setting up the accounting to be easy should make everything run more smoothly in the long run.

          • I’ve never had a joint banking account or credit card. On a joint banking account, can one person apply for an overdraft line of credit without the other, and then promptly use up the overdraft amount? My bank treats my overdraft line like a credit card.
            As to joint credit cards, can one person request to have the credit limit raised, and then promptly spend that money?’
            If you don’t trust somebody, I’m not sure “watching” will protect your money or credit.

    • It depends on what you are concerned about. You are definitely concerned about something if you are asking about a lease for a live-in partner. First, you own the place, so there’s no risk of losing it (like might be the case with a rental) to him. You want rent, or some contribution to house expenses from him? Just agree on what it will be with him. Are you worried about collecting if he doesn’t pay? That seems odd. Having a lease won’t make him pay if he doesn’t. If you think suing him on a lease will solve the problem, think about it, your relationship is over by that point, and you should just move on.
      If you don’t trust him, you shouldn’t be moving in with him. Extremely odd questions. I suggest you figure out what you are concerned about, and if you actually trust him, in therapy, before moving in together.

      • +1 to all of this, especially “If you don’t trust him, you shouldn’t be moving in with him.”

      • I think the OP is just looking for ideas/suggestions because this is new territory. Other posters (myself included) are suggesting hashing things out in advance, and possibly putting things in writing to make sure everyone is on the same page from the get go. Just because the OP likely can’t lose the condo, that doesn’t mean that other financial dealings can’t get tricky if things go south and they need to detangle finances, etc. It’s smart to think ahead.

        • I don’t disagree that it is smart to think ahead. But work this out together how it will go, even write it down for yourselves and put it in a file. But to try to enforce it with a lease to be enforced by the courts? = lack of trust in ability to work things out = shouldn’t live together.

          • That’s what I suggested above. I can see the merit to a lease as others have suggested, but I’m not sure it’s necessary. Presumably if both parties are comfortable with the decision to move in, they can discuss how to handle these things and come to a conclusion without animosity because they’re both coming from a place of trust. And they can decide together whether a formal lease or just a personal written document–or even a verbal agreement–is most appropriate for themselves. If not, then they may not be ready to move in together. This thread has veered a bit from the original question because of others’ personal experiences, so the OP’s original intent is getting lost in the mix a bit.
            This discussion seems very similar to other discussions I’ve seen about pre-nups, which you could make a case for in the interest of protecting assets or a care against in that it potentially suggests a lack of trust.

          • I don’t disagree with mtpresident, but one should know the legal repercussions of entering into a lease with an intimate partner BEFORE signing that lease. As I understand the law, if you and I sign a lease for me to live in your place, I can continue to live in your place as long as I pay the rent, even after we have broken up and you really, really, really want me to move out. I think this is a far bigger thing to risk than your partner moving out when you break up and stiffing you on the last month’s rent.
            Because, if you own the place, you’d be paying your owning expenses anyway, with or without a live-in partner. Better to be able to cleanly cut ties when the breakup occurs. Now, whether the live-in partner can assert that they live there and not be kicked out if they refuse to go is another issue. Me, I’d just change the locks and let them try to get the law to let them in. (Would not keep their stuff, though – would put it where they could get, drop it off with a friend, rent a storage room and send them the key if necessary.)

          • As I understand it, if the other person is paying rent – even if there is no lease – they have the rights to remain in the unit, even if you want them gone. No lease is required to establish tenancy and be entitled to tenant’s rights under DC law; the other person just need to pay rent and live there for 30 days.
            I think the moral of the story is to be extremely careful with whom you allow to live in your home, whether it’s a random roommate. a family member, or a significant other.

        • Thank you for the help in brainstorming, mtpresident.

      • Wow, I hadn’t expected such skepticism of the situation based on my asking some logistical questions.

        I’m less concerned about this going sour and more about what is useful for him as a resident in a new location (and needing proof of address) and necessary for the district if there’s a lease in place. Of course a lease would be helpful should things take a different turn, but that wasn’t my angle.

        We will have a lengthier discussion about equity to make sure we are on the same page about what his “rent” means to my (and probably eventually his) asset/liability. A joint household bank account is a good idea to bring to the table.

        • In this case 17th Street, the MVA has a form exactly for this purpose. You fill it out affirming he lives with you, and you provide the proofs of address. This is what I did. He won’t need anything else to change addresses on accounts and things like that.

        • “how this works financially”
          You said “financially”, and that was really the only clue you gave as to your concerns. You didn’t say “logistically” or mention him needing “proof of address” or anything like that, which you now are saying was your main concern.
          As far as proof of address, my experience in his situation is that he doesn’t need a lease for the purposes of the DC government. For example to get a DC driver’s license (or change of address of an existing one), he just needs a form signed by you stating that he lives in a property that you own.

        • I really don’t think a lease will help you if things turn sour. If anything, it will establish his right to stay in your place under the lease, which can’t really be ended in DC unless you sell the place. At least for renting a unit, not sure how that works with renting rooms. But really, you want that? You aren’t thinking clearly about this at all!
          Again, if you are thinking about your financially getting money out of him when things go sour, you should not be moving in together.

        • If writing that he lives with you isn’t good enough proof of residence for someone, you can always do what roommates everywhere have done in this situation – put one of the utilities in his name.

        • For what it’s worth…when my bf (now husband) moved in w/ me (my condo), he paid me his share each month and I paid all of the bills since they were already in my name. He had his other bills (credit card etc) changed to my address so he could use that as proof to get change of address for his driver’s license. Since I lived there forever before he moved in and was paying the mortgage alone for so long, I actually saved his share of the mortgage and we were able to use it to help w/ expenses when we bought a house together after we got married.

    • My partner and I also drew up a lease when I moved in (she’s the owner of the condo we live in), and though I initially resisted because it left a funny taste in my mouth, she also pointed out it was as much for my protection as hers–i.e. if something happened to her and the apartment was suddenly of possession of her parents, it was nice to have legal documentation demonstrating I had a right to be there. We are big talkers/communicators anyway, but it forced us to have a conversation about what each of us was responsible for in terms of utilities, upkeep, etc.

      Re: the “back rent” thing, my partner and I (actually at the suggestion of another PoPviller) have decided to sort of do the reverse. We knew moving in together knowing that we are planning to get married, so decided that when we get married my rent payments from the time I moved in will be converted to equity. I like this because in the unlikely event that we break up then the financial commitment is no more than a tenant/landlord situation, but when we get married there will be a sort of retro-acknowledgment that it is/was more than that.

      • Thanks. There are quite a few parallels to my situation here, so I appreciate your input. Did your partner get a small business license?

        • No, I didn’t get a business license. Before SBinDC moved in I had a good friend as a roommate, & I thought about it. but similar to HaileUnlikely farther upthread, I couldn’t quite figure out whether one was required if I was a resident owner & not an off-site landlord. I just make sure the smoke detectors work & the exits aren’t obstructed etc, which seems to be much of the reason for the BBL process anyway.

      • I’d be curious to know how that would have worked out if something happened to your partner. Did you have a lease for the entire place? Doubt it, or your partner would have granted sole right to live there to you. If you had a lease to share the place, if your partner wasn’t living there, could their family then move in someone else for you to live with, because you hadn’t leased the whole unit?

        • I mean we didn’t consult a lawyer or anything so who knows how technically enforceable it would be. I just wanted to make sure that in the unlikely event of me being run over by a bus, there was a piece of paper somewhere with both our signatures on it that documented my intent for her to live in my unit. I just modified a boilerplate DC lease to say “shared use of the property with AVEnue” instead of sole right.

          And also in less dramatic reasons, if she needs a lease for getting a license or whatever other proof of address, that’s available.

    • First off, congratulations!
      As for how it all works, take this opportunity have some good, long talks about your finances as they are, your long- and short-term financial goals, and the sorts of arrangements that make you comfortable/uncomfortable (both of you, not just you). There’s a lot of solutions, and everyone has their own comfort level. Also not a bad idea to talk about what moving in means to you (i.e. a way to save money? stepping stone to marriage? something else?).
      My boyfriend and I just made the leap in May, and I similarly own the unit we’re now living in. I did a lot of Googling on how having him moved in worked (if I needed a lease, license, or to pay taxes, etc), and what I found was mostly inconclusive but seemed to indicate that none of that is needed since it’s not a commercial transaction. A lease or some sort of agreement isn’t a bad idea if that’s something you want to do, we didn’t bother. There’s a form online he can fill out for change of address and you’ll need to sign it to certify that he lives with you and then supply proof of address (bills, etc). Wasn’t too painful.
      As for arranging finances, that totally depends on you. All my friends do it differently. We have separate bank accounts and most of the bills are in my name. During the month we fill out a spreadsheet he set up that categorizes our joint expenses (mortgage, HOA fee, utilities, groceries). The spreadsheet tallies up each category and notes how much is owed to whom (we also include things like travel expenses since we’ll often have one person pay initially). So far it’s working well for us, but we’re also both spreadsheet geeks. Other friends have a joint account that the each contribute to that pays the bills, some merge all their accounts, and some do a complicated system that I can’t begin to describe. We split things evenly, but I also know couples to do shares based off of income if one person makes significantly less. We also have an agreement to touch base and possible re-evaluate things regularly or in the event of a big change (i.e. one of us loses our job or goes back to school)..
      Lots of options, but you’ll figure out an arrangement that works best for you. Good luck!

      • Thanks! Very helpful. I’ve already printed out the proof of DC residency application from the DMV site. We are also both spreadsheet people so that could work. Reading all the varied experiences here has been extremely helpful in figuring out what our options are (putting aside the jumping to conclusions about the level of trust in my relationship that some are making).

        • You originally asked “how this works financially” and later wrote that “a lease could be helpful if things should take a different turn.” What is a lease good for? Making people pay their rent for the entire lease period, in some cases even if they move out. It really did sound like you were trying to find a legal way to make him pay up if he stopped paying. You wrote the latter while backtracking on what you originally asked. Those offering advice on moving in only once trust is established were trying to give you good advice. Good luck.

  • tonyr

    Rave: Son just got a new job in DC area
    Rave: He just moved into an apartment on the same block where I live
    Rave(?): Sounds like a bad sitcom plot
    Rant: His place is nicer than mine

    • Emmaleigh504

      lol I can’t wait for the stories!

    • Emmaleigh504

      oooh will you bring your son to the unofficial HHs? And how old is he and does he have the awesome accent too? And does he like chicks? Asking for a friend.

      • tonyr

        All questions will be answered on Sunday. I don’t have much interest in either Gin or Gardening, so I have to hold back some content so that I can spread around my usual amount of persiflage.

  • rant: I dont understand my leave issues at work. what the heck does ‘year to date’ leave mean? GRRRRR
    rave: drinking starbucks! hell yeah

    • In my company, ‘year to date’ leave means the leave you have accrued up to this point in the year. For example, let’s just say I get 10 days of leave per year, but I earn a small fraction of each day off every day I work. Now that we’re at the halfway point in the year, plus a little bit, I would have accrued 5 days and a bit of another day. Could that be the case for you?

    • for me, “year to date” is what I have earned year to date.

    • emvee

      I’m with you. Why can’t, come January 1, they just say, “Here’s your X amount of agreed upon days. Take it all now, or not.” I hate having to do the calculations whenever I want to take more than a day.

      • Can you talk to your boss about going into the red for your leave time? Obviously there’s an assumption there that you’re not leaving the company any time soon and so will build your stockpile of leave from negative hours back up to 0 (or even positive hours, depending on how much you want to take now), but if you have a good relationship with your boss it might not be a problem. That’s what I do.

      • Some employers do exactly that; this is often called “Paid Time Off” or PTO. A common version of PTO combines both Annual Leave and Sick Leave into one bucket. So, for example, you might get a total of 15 days (or, 120 hours) of PTO, and it’s all available to you effective an 1; you can use it as you wish, for sick or vacation, and at any point in the year – all of it in Jan (Australian summer!) or as you need, throughout the year. I’ve had this at a few jobs and liked it; I appreciated not having a distinction between Sick and Vacation. I figure, if I need to be off, I need to be off, that’s all anyone needs to know. (You do have to pay attention to the rules about carrying over PTO from year to year, as this seemed to vary a lot between my employers.)

        • There’s a downside to combining vacation and sick leave. First, it incentivized everyone to take all sick leave available, which most people now don’t do. Second, if you take your vacation time before year end, and later get sick, you are screwed. Because when you get sick and need sick time is pretty unpredictable.


    • DC CapHill

      Rant: ^This. Police (in any form, Park or otherwise,) misappropriating their resources to write tickets/make arrests for alcohol violations on the Mall of NON-VIOLENT offenders that are harming nobody (outside of perhaps public decency or decorum,) while pregnant women are being stabbed on their bikes or citizens are being robbed AND THEN shot by VIOLENT offenders all over this city. Seriously?

      Rave: Birthday HH tonight for a friend means finally getting some social interaction after a long work week. And the weather is beautiful.

      • Oh, gimme a break. There are posts here all the time complaining about public drinking and drunkenness in Columbia Heights, Shaw, Park View, Petworth, etc., and wishing the cops would address the issue. If it isn’t OK for older (or younger) black men to do it, it isn’t OK for younger white men to do it. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

        • DC CapHill

          I’m not talking about the local drunks that have no job and no redeeming qualities, that can hang out all day drunk and harass people. I’m talking about a bunch of 20-somethings drinking socially on the Mall for an hour while playing kickball, and then LEAVING.

          STFU with the “it happens all over…..”, the degenerates don’t get harassed by the Cops because they don’t have any money to pay the fines and the Cops don’t want to do the paperwork. Which is precisely my point.

          • Oh, I see. The people on the Mall, who in your words are violating public decency and decorum, shouldn’t be arrested because they’re just hanging out. But similar behavior on the part of people who “have no jobs and no redeeming qualities” should be subject to arrest? Fantastic philosophy.

          • The degenerates get arrested EVERYDAY by MPD for drinking, drugs, etc. Just because you’re not there to personally witness it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. I’ve seen them arrested many times before.
            Not every bro on the Mall gets arrested, not every degenerate on the street gets arrested. Such is the randomness of life.

          • See, that’s the thing about the rule of law. We can’t write laws that make allowances for the employment status of the offender, or the ability to pay the fine, or the time frame during which they commit the crime.
            I agree that selective enforcement is unacceptable, which is why I voted to legalize weed. Because the arrests were pretty much exclusively PoC. (“But they were smoking it openly!”) So maybe white guys on the Mall are going to have to stop being such easy targets. *shrug*

          • Are you under the impression that drinking in public is less illegal when yuppies are doing it?

          • DC CapHill

            I’m for actual community policing, to make communities better thru deterrence, and not strictly as yet another easy form of money to swell the coffers of a City that has zero idea how to effectively spend it.

            See: jaywalking tickets, etc.

        • Yep. I’ve never seen a cop ask anyone to leave the steps in front of my building, in spite of them harassing every woman that passes, and leaving their trash all over the place. I had family visit from out of town a few weeks ago. Before they came I pulled 15 beer cans out of the bushes in front of my apartment. You get a free pass to publicly drink if you don’t have a job, here in This Town.

          • Do you report them to the police? You can do that, you know. And if you do it enough times, you may annoy the cops into doing regular drive-bys or have the drunks find somewhere else to squat. Give it a try!

        • palisades

          Why are you pretending like that’s the same thing, at all?

          • Because the letter of the law says it is the same thing. The law does not discriminate if the scofflaw is a well meaning taxpayer or a degenerate street urchin.
            IMHO, the law is stupid and should be changed. I have no issue with drinking in public. But the current law says otherwise and enforcement should be equitable.

          • HaileUnlikely

            Agreed with OP Anon. Dumb law. But if you enforce at all, enforce equitably. Got a problem with that? Fine. Complain about the drunks at the corner harrassing or threatening you (if they are), but don’t complain about their drinking.

      • I’m fully aware that it’s against the law, but I’m not going to let it stop me from enjoying an adult beverage in our nation’s backyard. I also could give a hoot if people are drinking on the street. If the 5-0 were to roll up on me, I’d do exactly as they instructed, because, YES, it’s illegal…but, that probably never stopped any of us from smoking a little weed in college, or jaywalking, or driving over the speed limit, or not reporting every little thing on your taxes.
        Didn’t see a single cop though. They must have been fighting crime elsewhere.

  • Rant: Utility sink didn’t drain while washing machine washed = flash flood in my basement.
    Rave-ish: clean floor, and moving everything out of the wet is an incentive to Kon-Maris (deep clean) the space. Do these scraps of wood bring me joy?

  • Please help me with a small dilemma!
    One of my parents’ friends, who I have seen a handful of times in the last two decades, is giving me a lot more attention than I would like. She “likes” almost all of my Facebook posts and comments on each of them even if she doesn’t know the context. She’s now trying to message me just to chat. I’m a lady and this person is a lady and it’s not at all sexual. It’s just weirdly emotionally needy and I’m not sure where it’s coming from since we’ve had so little personal contact over the years.
    To be honest, I don’t like the attention — I find her a bit creepy and I find her expectations of me to be more weighty than they should be given our relationship. For example, she recently tried to make me feel very bad about not inviting her to our very small wedding, where our basic rule of thumb was that all invitees needed to be people with whom we had meaningful conversations in the last five years I don’t want to be a jerk, but I’m also not at all interested in rekindling a relationship. Any recommendations on how to handle this?

    • Pretty sure you can block people on Facebook so you basically won’t see or hear them. Also you can unfriend her.

      • I probably should have mentioned that I’m not eager to use these options. She continues to be a good friend of my parents and I’d rather not turn this into an issue that involves them. If I block her or unfriend her, I’ll be hearing about it from my parents immediately.

        • Have you talked to your parents about it? Maybe they know if she’s going through something right now or can hint to her that her facebook behavior is a bit odd.

    • Privacy settings are your friend and very customizable. You can stop her from seeing your Wall postings, you can turn off her ability to comment (and she won’t see the other comments), you can stop her from messaging you, turn off read receipts, etc.
      Personally, I’d probably just put her on lockdown with the privacy settings so she can only see the sanitized, bare minimum of your profile. She sounds a bit unhinged, so addressing it directly with her would just messy and stressful IMHO.

      • Yup, this. You can set things up so she doesn’t see your posts without blocking her. Is it worth bringing up with your parents to get their take? I wonder if there’s some additional backstory that you’re unaware of. Not that you need to put up with her comments/questions/neediness, but sometimes context helps.

        • There is definitely a back story and I already know a good part of it. She and her husband never had kids and they sort of see their friends’ kids as their own kids to an extent that most people wouldn’t. For about 10 years they had the company of a young Ph.D. student from China on a regular basis, but she just graduated and moved out of their city, so I think they’re lonely and looking for young child-substitutes. I think I came to mind for some reason.

          • Oh dear. That sounds mighty uncomfortable. Are you sure bringing your parents into it would make it into a “Very Big Deal”? Can you mention the increased messaging casually and see how they react? And then go from there to see if it’s worth seeing if they have additional suggestions, etc?
            Another option, if you’re up for it, might be to reach out periodically more proactively so that she feels a little love. You might end up making a new friend in the process, or otherwise might just be doing a kindness to someone who is feeling lonely. Trying to do this on your own terms might help with the potential for her to respond in an overly-effusive way. Perhaps send postcards with short notes? Then, even if she responds, there’s a delay because of the postal service.

          • I can bring it up with my parents but don’t expect a lot of sympathy from them, and will probably be told that I am in the wrong for not embracing the attention and responding in kind. (Among my cousins, my mom is known as The Great Guilt-Tripper, if that gives you any sense of what to expect).
            As for being more proactive, I agree this is the kindest option, but I’m not sure I really am up for it. I’m not really looking for a new pen pal, and if I were, I would absolutely not choose this woman.

      • How can I stop her from messaging me? I’ve already limited her ability to see wall posts, but that seems to make her just want to find other ways to reach out.
        And yes, I agree she’s a bit unhinged. I lose if I try to escalate this because it just brings my parents into the discussion and makes it into a Very Big Deal.

        • Just don’t answer her messages and ignore her comments on your status updates. She will probably be hurt, but she’ll get the point.

          • Or maybe she won’t…. I have this problem with an acquaintance that for a variety of reasons I can’t unfriend or block. Learn to live with it. The perils of SM.

      • +1. i did this for my MIL, limit what she can sees because of the unnecessary comments, especially while my husband was deployed. I haven’t changed them yet 😉

    • I was in a similar situation with a distant relative who took too active an interest in my life. On top of which, he’s a Teabagger and felt the need to comment on Barack Obama every time I made any mention of DC.

      You can adjust your facebook settings so none of your posts appear in a particular user’s feed. Helped me immensely.

      • “You can adjust your facebook settings so none of your posts appear in a particular user’s feed.” Can I ask you to walk me thought this?

    • You can put her on limited profile so she can’t see everything you post, and you can also just ignore the messages.

    • The more I think about this, the more I realize the issue really is between me and my parents, not me and their friend. If this were just a regular case of someone being a bit too overinvolved with my Facebook page, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to block them entirely or use some of the other, more subtle privacy tools on the site. I think my real question is how to draw healthy boundaries with parent’s friends when my parents aren’t okay with me setting healthy boundaries in general. They will definitely try to reprimand me if I do. I’d rather not open that can of worms, but it sounds like I basically have a choice between annoying the friend and my parents, and feeling the associated wrath, or opening myself up to a relationship I don’t want whatsoever. Please tell me I’m missing something.

      • Perhaps its time to feel the associated wrath and stand up to your parents? You have every right to set boundaries, but if you do, you need to enforce them. I would just say – politely – to the friend that it’s great to hear from them from time to time, and you are glad that they are doing well, but unfortunately you don’t have time for long chats and the like. If your parents have a problem with this, that is their problem, not yours.

      • Accountering

        Boundaries need to be set with your parents. The fact they will try to “reprimand” you for removing a facebook friend screams that this needs to happen.

        • I couldn’t agree more. It’s amazing that even though I’m in my 30s, I still need to enforce these kinds of boundaries every single time and it’s almost always a fight. They say I’m “so independent” and they suggest that’s the worst insult in the whole world.

      • That sounds about right–and it’s never too late to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

  • Rant: “Bless you,” “gesundheit,” and other ways of calling attention to someone’s involuntary bodily functions. What’s next, a hearty shrek-like “better out than in!” when someone belches?
    I was in a long meeting yesterday in an apparently dusty room. The sneezing didn’t bother me, that’s just ambient noise. But the chorus of “bless yous” that followed each sneeze was super annoying. It turned a non-thing into a thing.
    Why do people do this?? Can you please quit it, or at least, do it selectively?

    • Prince Of Petworth

      I say bless you all the time – some of us were just raised that way. I’m sorry I will not quit it. My daughter now says it all the time when someone sneezes and few things bring a bigger smile to my face.

      • Right, that’s totally the same thing as six people interrupting a distinguished speaker.

        • In fairness, it wasn’t entirely clear from your original post that there was a speaker/presentation rather than a group meeting. And it sounded like advocating for never ever ever saying “bless you”, etc. That said, I agree that in a larger space, during a presentation, etc–it’s probably more appropriate to not respond to people sneezing unless they are within very close proximity and you can whisper it discreetly.

      • what next, expecting a thank you card? Sheesh

    • Yes, let’s do away with one of the basic items of politeness we all were brought up with. Next think you’ll know, you’ll be suggesting we do away with thank you notes!

    • And what’s with all the “good mornings”? Is it really? How would you know? Maybe I’ve had a sh***y morning. And “hello”? I don’t actually even know you, dude. I’m just here to buy some handi-wipes. Ring it up. (Notice how I didn’t say “please”? Because it’s your job. I shouldn’t have to be polite just to make society happy.)
      At least we won’t have to deal with any of this when the robots take over.

      • In what way do any of these DISRUPT the situation? Is no one able to grasp the difference between a meeting, a commercial transaction, a familial/ social environment? Has situational awareness been declared un-hip?

        • Well, situational awareness is not really a popular thing in DC. If you ever go out, you know this. (I was also joking, btw. Hence the robots comment.)

      • Emmaleigh504

        I want to kil or at least maim all the good morning people. I am NOT a morning person, there is nothing good about it, and really, I should not be allowed to see people until at least 11am. It’s for their own safety.

        • I am so not a morning person. I used to work with a lady who would plunk down at my desk first thing in the morning to chat for about half an hour. I did actually like her, but all of that perkiness first thing in the morning was just painful. Give me time to get settled and have some coffee, and we can talk when I’m human again. You’re only getting grunts and one-word answers before then.

          • Emmaleigh504

            When I was growing up my mom noticed that when we all got ready for work/school we ate breakfast in different rooms. Nobody wanted to accidentally have to talk to someone b/c mornings are the devil.
            One of my favorite bosses used to come chit chat right when I came in. She was a morning person at got to work 1.5 hours before me. I always wanted to kill her. I reminded her multiple times that I’m not a morning person, but to her the morning was already over. Now she’s in another area and I miss wanting to throttle her in the morning.

      • Come to the Balkans. You’ll love it here.

    • Emmaleigh504

      When it’s multiple sneezes I say “bless you for all the sneezes” b/c it can be a lot and emabaressing for the sneezer. For other body noises: ignore ignore ignore. They never happened!!!

    • I’m going to go out of my way to say “bless you” to anyone I hear sneeze! Just for the hope of annoying all you downers out there!

    • I’m with you. I find it slightly annoying that complete strangers feel compelled to bless me when I sneeze. I would rather that no one drew attention to it. I’m also uncomfortable with the religious connotation because I’m an atheist and don’t particularly want to be blessed by anyone for anything. In our house, we do acknowledge each others’ sneezes as a courtesy, but we use gesundheit or salud.

      • dcgator

        I go out of my way to say “You’re welcome” when someone responds “Thank you” to a “Bless You.” Not enough “You’re welcomes!”

    • It’s funny, in reading this, I realized I think of both the sneezes and the ‘Bless yous’ as ambient noise – in a way, two parts of the same noise. Neither bothers me a whole lot, unless the sneeze is not … ‘controlled’ properly (I had pneumonia three winters ago; I swear it started on the bus…. ugh); similarly the ‘Bless you’ should not be loud and invasive.
      (And I have an unwritten rule – you only get two ‘Bless Yous’ and then I stop, no matter how many more sneezes.).
      So – who knew this was such an interesting topic?

  • tonyr

    Rave: Just back from awesome vacation in Berlin, Croatia and London
    Rant: If you want to see Suicide perform you’d better hurry; Alan Vega is literally on his last legs.
    Rave: I think it was Irving Straße who was asking about Berlin – just develop a two-pack a day habit and chug liter bottles of beer on the subway and you’ll fit right in.
    There was a specific clubbing question too – we didn’t try Berghain since it wasn’t open the night that we were there, but we didn’t have any problems getting into Tresor and I’m as uncool as it’s possible to be. We did get there “early” (i.e. before 2:00 on a Monday) and were waved right in.

    • Tresor is a great club and has an easy door. I like it a lot, has a very goth vibe down in that basement. Acoustics are not the best, however.
      Bergain door is much easier on Friday nights, too bad you were not around. This last Friday’s line up was insane – DJ Harvey + Ame + Marcel Dettman + Discodromo. No one else on the line up, so each of them played 6 to 8 hour sets. Would have given my right arm to be in Berlin this last weekend! Honestly, Irving might have an easier time getting in, solely because he’s older. Young kids at Berghain a dime a dozen.

    • Also, Irving Straße which dates will you be there? If you let me know, I can tell you which parties to attend. There’s often special events all summer long, so Berghain might actually not be the best place to go…it can vary from week to week.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I love you for using ß; ss just isn’t as cool.

  • binpetworth

    Rant: No Friday question of the day!
    Rave: Half day today and the weather is beautiful
    Rave: One of the 3 people I complained about recently for not having acknowledged a gift I mailed to her a few months back sent me an (unsolicited) note thanking me and apologizing for being a slacker in doing so. There’s hope for the youth of today after all!

  • Rant: Why did I take the Megabus home yesterday?!?!?! oh, I know….the cost. But I’m just too old for that, especially in an interview suit. Blech.
    Rant: So. Much. Crime. I need to stop getting the alerts, i know, but man – just in 3rd D, it’s nuts. It’s getting out of control and i have a pretty high tolerance for this stuff.
    Rave: good job interview. I am lacking in one area (the having run office finances, which they want to try to move from an accounting firm to in house, but I said that I pick up software really easily and am very organized. Hopefully it’s not a strike against me, or the others outweigh that – they said I was one of the top candidates – I just really need the job!)
    Rant: POP doesn’t work well on my iphone so I missed a lot – I did see some laptop recommendations from you all – thanks SO much!!! I’m going to guess that the best way to do it is to let him pick what he wants and we all pay for it. i don’t want to screw it up! I know the school doesn’t require a type, they just outline what they require – but they might have a better price system somewhere)

    • Besides his preference, waiting might make sense from a cost standpoint if he’s not yet formally a student and neither of you are currently eligible for academic or employee discounts.

    • It might be a part of the welcome packet, but you can always search for student discounts online. In my experience, you just need the .edu email or student id to get it depending on whether you order online or in person.

  • Rave: Chocolate zucchini cake turned out even better than I thought it would. Ridiculously good.
    Rave: Wife managed to get next Wednesday off so we can go on a crazy adventure.
    Rant: Her boss allowed her to take the time off since she’ll be working next weekend.
    Rant: Latest Amazon ordered arrived covered in a mysterious sticky goop. Angry email has already been sent with photos.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I read, “Wife managed to get naked Wednesday” and wondered where the story was going. I’m still asleep 🙂

  • Rant: So effing tired. Cats, you are going to get shut in another room if you can’t stop pestering me in the morning! And I think kiddo was up an hour+ early banging on her wall.
    Rant: Can’t get my sh!t together to start working on something that really needs doing. Bah.
    Rave: Friday. Maybe I can catch up on sleep this weekend?
    Rant: Who am I kidding….
    Rave: Thanks for the advice yesterday, found something perfect!

  • Revel: Chocolate Sea Salt Caramel Chess Pie. Yeah, eff you diet.
    Revel: Planning a last minute surprise vacation for the kids! I’m so excited, I can’t wait to see their faces.
    Rant: It’s only 10:15 :/ Fridays always drag on forever.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: I fogot to put on mascara today and it is VERY upsetting.
    Rant: I see some drunk texts in my future.
    Rave: Only IDGI can stop me! He needs to come to G&G to save my…soul? Help me IDGI, you are my only hope.

  • Additional Rant: Package thieves. So many are now going missing, I’m just not going to order anything else. They’re also leaving the trash behind my house. I hope they’re happy with the baby shampoo the stole yesterday.

  • Rave: Friday! Beautiful sunshine!
    Rant: Weekend looks to be full of work / errands. But hopefully I can make it to the Gin & Gardening meetup.
    Rave: Even if I have to do work, I can at least do it in my pjs from my couch with a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine!) at hand.
    Rant: Had my cholesterol levels checked for the first time in my life. god. damnit. Not great at all. I know what I should be doing to lower bad /raise good, but I don’t want to! I hate adulting!

    • Emmaleigh504

      statins. I’ve been on them since my 20s (yay genetics!). diet and exercise aren’t going to help much, just get a statin.

      • Interestingly enough I’m currently helping with research on statins, so I’m well aware of their necessity for some people; they are not, however, without side effects/issues and considering my other health concerns, I’m not entirely sure how well they’d play with my current regimen of old-people drugs. (Long story, we’ll have to chat if you’re at G&G on Sunday!) I’m going to ask my PCP as well as the researcher I’m working with, see if we can develop a plan.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Let’s chat. I’ve got tons of old ppl drugs I take b/c my genetics suck ass. I’ve never had a problem with the statins and they have worked wonders for my situation. I also love to talk about stuff like this b/c I’m an old soul or some nonsense.

      • I don’t know that that’s always the case. My cholesterol has come down from when I was in my mid-20s through some combo of diet and exercise. Not a low fat/cholesterol diet–just eating real food and variety with lots of veggies. I wasn’t specifically aiming to lower cholesterol, but it happened & I was shocked to find out that my “bad” cholesterol was nowhere close to the traditional level of concern when I got tested. So it may depend. Also, like I think LBP is alluding to, while statins are great at lowering cholesterol, I’m not sure there’s a link to any reduction in heart disease/heart attack/etc–so it’s not clear they help with the endgame of reducing cardiovascular issues. That said, certainly something to consider, particularly if lifestyle changes won’t work.

        • Emmaleigh504

          My cholesterol was off the charts, so statins really worked for me. Everyone is different, I’ve just had a really good experience with them, so I’m a bit of a fangirl.

        • Indeed. It seems to me that for wacky cholesterol numbers due to genetics or a combination of genetics and lifestyle, statins really do make a world of difference. But they can also effect your liver, pancreas, and raise risks for diabetes or other metabolic syndromes. For many other people, you’re just as well off, if not better, pursuing cholesterol-lowering through changes in lifestyle, meaning real foods, moving more, etc since it can impact more than just your cholesterol numbers but your whole cardiovascular system, your metabolic functioning, even your mental health. I guess I need to also talk to my parents and find out what their numbers are / were so I can see if I can gauge how much of a genetic component there may be and if further testing should be done to develop the best plan.

          • Emmaleigh504

            I got my bad cholesterol from my granny 🙁 She ate well, exercised all the time and passed on her bad cholesteral to me. Thanks Gran! 🙂

    • Pablo Raw

      I almost feel guilty for having a metabolism that allows me to eat whatever I want in the amounts I want and never gain weight ( or lose it quickly ) and my cholesterol levels are always at the healthy level.

      • HaileUnlikely

        I used to be able to say the same. People say that changes when you hit 30 (no idea how old you are). For me, it was 32. 32 hit me like a freight train. (There were other aggravating factors – used to run competitively, much less active now)

        • Emmaleigh504

          I hate you both 🙂 I’ve always yo-yoed and had crappy cholesterol. I got the bad cholesterol from 1 side of the family and the yo-yoing weight from the other. I was doomed from the start. Don’t even get me started on the teeth.

        • Pablo Raw

          I was expecting that to happen in my early/mid 30’s but it didn’t; in fact I’m surprised that it hasn’t happened yet and thinking it may never happen. Genes are a very interesting thing!

        • HaileUnlikely – yup, just about to turn 32. I used to be able to eat ANYTHING and not gain weight when I was young, but that was partially due to a condition I have. After college I started putting on weight (just a bit, little by little) and noticing it was harder to lose it. I do try to eat whole foods, though I know I should be incorporating more veggies and fruit into my diet. I have gallstones so I rarely eat fatty things, but I know I need to be more careful about sugars and starches and such. I know I should eat more fish, but I don’t really like fish and I refuse to cook it in my apartment because I can’t get the smell out of my nostrils otherwise! I should be more active. I’m one of those “skinny-fat” people. I know all the things I *should* be doing, I’m just too lazy to do them most of the time. But maybe this is the kick in the pants I need.

        • Used to eat everything in sight, gain no weight, doctors shocked by my good (and bad) cholesterol numbers. That changed in early 40s – when women’s hormones start to change, Theres’s a link there for us women. Still haven’t been able to bring myself to take statins, though.

  • Rave: have interview next week for job in Seattle w/in my own agency.
    Rant: not sure I’d like the job. My potential boss doesn’t have the best rep either.
    Rave: it’s in Seattle.

  • Blithe

    Rant: Last week, I had a rare, positive ice cream revelation. . This week I learned that the flavor that I planned to buy “next week” is “not going to be available”. Bummer. Oh the road not taken. Good thing I don’t really like ice cream.
    Rave: I love the feeling in the morning that I’ve done a major reboot over night. Maybe this is why people take naps?
    Rave: I was able to extend a deadline for an onerous task. Whew.
    Observation: I’ve ordered the new book by Ta-nehisi Coates, and I think I know where my old copies of James Baldwin’s essays got stowed. Not sure I’m psychically up for processing this much reality at the moment though. Maybe I’ll save this for winter reading.

    • Emmaleigh504

      My sister makes ice cream, I can make her make your flavor for you, then we can eat it and drool over Mignon Faget’s jewerly together. 🙂

      • Blithe

        Sounds awesome!!!! I’m seriously considering getting the rice and bean necklace, and at least one of the John Humphries bracelets. You are a WONDERFUL enabler!!!! 🙂

        • Emmaleigh504

          I can show you my beautiful stuff from Mignon Faget, so you can touch it and try it on and realize how awesome that necklace would be on you. I really think it would look great on you! And since we will be eating ice cream at my sister’s you can try on my niece’s necklace that is very similar to see just how awesome it will look on you.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Love, The Enabler

          • Blithe

            You are Very Very Good at this! 🙂 FYI: I’ve already made the justification leap from “think of all the money I’ve saved by not being a drug addict” to “My many deceased relatives would probably love for me to have this necklace — in lieu of multiple missed birthday gifts, etc. ” I’m pretty sure that the necklace is in my future. I’m still teetering re: the bracelets.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Enabling purchases is my calling. I should be a personal shopper.

    • Between the World and Me is definitely a heavy read. I’ve gotten about three pages in and it’s just -tough-. Important, but tough. FWIW, I feel the same way about the other book I’m reading right now, “The Empathy Exams” by Leslie Jamison. I think I’m incapable of picking appropriate summer reading. If you ever want to do a book club on Between the World and Me, let me know. It somehow seems odd for me to read it on my own and not have a structured way to discuss it.

      • Blithe

        Wow Shawess*, your Fun Summer Reading list is staggering! And I say this as someone who’s trying to do a David Richo book! I’m hugely impressed! I would definitely love to do a book chat with you or a larger book group to support my reading and actually FINISHING the Coates book. And, selfishly, I will totally look forward to having a good reason to continue to chat with you! *I have to admit to a catch in my throat — sniff — when I saw your new screen name.

        • I promise you, my reading list does not make me fun to have at parties. It just makes me overly serious. The title essay from the Jamison books is one of the most stunning essays I have ever read (and it’s online for free at The Believer). But it took me about a month to get through the Morgellons essay and I still am tempted to bring up that disease at really inappropriate times and I think about it constantly. (I’m guessing someone here will now google “Morgellons” and I assure you that’s not the best idea. But do it anyway! Emmaleigh, I’m looking at you).
          But seriously, maybe we can ever have a PoP book club, maybe even in this very space. I really want to read the Coates book and I think some structure would help a lot. and I can always use more reasons to stay in touch with you all 🙂

          • Blithe

            Well, since my idea of “fun at parties” includes things like intense-but-friendly discussions of social issues, I’d probably disagree with you on your first point. 🙂
            OMG: I’ve never heard of “The Believer”. I’m already deep into the article on the Electric Lady Studio. Thanks STBfkaShawess!!!!!

          • Emmaleigh504

            I already know about Morgellons 🙂 Maybe I should read this ssay (my reading comprehension kind of sucks right now, so it will have to wait)

          • Emmaleigh504

            (my current typos are from the stupid computer I”m at and not my bad spellling this time around)

          • One of my new foster kittens loves to sit on my shoulder while I’m reading. A kitten can make the heaviest book light!

          • Emmaleigh504

            Orange kitties are my fave!!! How do you not keep them all?

    • Quotia Zelda

      I’ve actually found that it’s better for me to do heavy/difficult reading in the spring and summer. I get a little bit of SAD in the winter, and if I combine that with difficult or depressing reading, things get bad. I pretty much gave up the will to live the winter I read Buddenbrooks.

      • Emmaleigh504

        You need a light box!!!! Since you won’t let your wondeful husband get your the wonderful saphire necklace, at least let him get you a light box. It’s is seriously the bees’ knees. You can borrow mine to see how awesome it is.

        • Emmaleigh504

          I mean seriously, the necklace is AMAZING and Mr Zelda was so ready to buy it for you. What were you thinking???

        • Quotia Zelda

          God, that sapphire necklace.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Mr Zelda was ready…Maybe you want to wait for the emerald one to be made?

          • Emmaleigh504

            Love, The Enabler

          • Emmaleigh504

            I’ll call Collin and see how long it will take for the Emerald one to be made so Mr Zelda can have a timeline….love, The Enabler

          • Emmaleigh504

            BTW I will instagram the spahire necklace that QZ hould let Mr Zelda get her for her annniversayr/birthday.

          • Emmaleigh504


          • The sapphire necklace is beautiful!!!!

          • Emmaleigh504

            Doesn’t QZ NEED it! Mr Zelda was ready to buy it!

          • Quotia Zelda

            Mr. Zelda knows I will kick his ass if he buys an 8K necklace.

          • Emmaleigh504

            But he WANTS too!

          • Emmaleigh504


          • Emmaleigh504

            It’s an investment!!!

          • Emmaleigh504

            I mean, it’s not like that lovely 65k ring, so it’s a BARGAIN!

          • My new mission is to set Formerly Emilie up with Colin.

          • Emmaleigh504

            I belive Colin has a boyfriend.

          • Emmaleigh504

            unless you know something I don’t! I’m just going by a pic on the instagram. He’s a hot fellow, I would not kick him out of bed! Plus birthday’s would be fun.

          • Hmm. I know Colin has a son, so I made some assumptions that may not be 100% accurate.

          • Emmaleigh504

            that adorable baby on the instagram? I’m going off 1 picutre where another man had his arm around him. But then the other people had their arms around each other, so I have no clue… Clearly we need more information.

            but if he has a son, does he not have a woman in his life? I don’t want to be a home-wrecker. sister-wife yes, home-wrecker no. 🙂

          • Blithe

            It IS an investment. You COULD wait until your 45th (sapphire) wedding anniversary, but by then it will probably cost a whole lot more — even if they still have it in stock, and a whole, whole lot more if they have to custom make it. Soooo, wouldn’t it be a good investment to buy it now? Even if you save it until then? And maybe wear it a few times in the interim so it won’t get lonely and to be sure it doesn’t need restringing?

          • Emmaleigh504

            I agree with EVERYTHING Blithe says. The only thing is if you prefer the emeralds get those. Colin will help you out!

    • topscallop

      I downloaded the new Ta-nehisi Coates book to my Kindle but I haven’t geared myself up mentally to start it yet, so I know how you feel! Maybe when I’m in West Africa next week I’ll give it a shot, since my plane rides are devoted to catching up on all the movies and tv shows I’ve missed and trying to sleep.

      • Blithe

        Okay, that makes at least 3 of us up for the Coates book. Yay! I read his “Reparations” essay in The Atlantic, so I’m pretty sure I know what I”m getting into. Trying to do Baldwin too is probably too ambitious…..

  • Rant: Husband didn’t get one of the jobs for which he was a finalist.
    Rave: We’re both feeling okay about it. It held the potential for most reward but also most risk.
    Rave: Husband is one of two finalists for two other jobs. Come one – lightning has to strike somewhere.
    Rant: Mandatory out of town work retreat on husband’s birthday.

  • Rave: Brew at the Zoo last night – one of the best ever, and fantastic weather!
    Rave: Took today off, headed to the pool
    No rants, just a question – any recommendations for a company to do a one-time deep clean of my condo? I think it’s been asked here before, maybe textdoc can do her magic and find the thread?

  • Rant: Chuck Taylors redesign. They look good, but I guess they have arch support?? So I have to buy up a whole bunch of them now and hoard them. Sad to lose a practical and versatile option that didn’t give me blisters on the bottoms of my feet.

    • I don’t think they are totally getting rid of the original design. They just now have this more expensive Chuck Taylor II option that you can buy if you need arch support. Lots of people can’t wear the original Chucks due to the lack of support.

      • Yay, you give me and my flat feet hope! (do you know how hard it is to find flat shoes? Some ballet flats and chuck taylors. That’s pretty much it.)

        • The whole point of the re-design to get more people in Chucks. It would be stupid to just retire the old version…..they’d gain new customers but lose old customers who prefer the flat sole. Might as well have both sets of customers! The CT2s will be $70, I think.

          • Right, but given that Nike hasn’t grasped this idea with its other lines (they all have the most torturous arches) I was worried they were just expanding their arch-tyranny into a formerly arch-free zone.

      • Pablo Raw

        I’m a chuck Taylor AND flat feet owner, so I use Dr. Scholl’s as arch support. Problem solved.

        • I have ballet flats made by Dr. Scholl’s and I love them. I can’t imagine wearing most ballet flats because there’s so little support–but these have a sole and support so they’re perfect.

        • Emmaleigh504

          I have beautiful arches. That’s all I got from my family’s crappy genetics, beautiful arches.

    • I Dont Get It

      I have very high arches. This is selfish good news to me.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: all the poop yaks. I just want some entertainment, not grossness.

  • skj84

    Rave: wonderful time at Brew at the Zoo. So many unique beers. It was almost overwhelming. I saved as much as I could in the Pombe app. Didn’t have an issue with my former company. The event was so crowded I never made it to thier booth.

    Rave: No hangover! At least yet. Sometimes they just sneak up on me without warning.

  • Rave-weather is great. I can handle the heat without all the humidity.
    Rave 2-got up and made it to 7am crossfit, awesome husband who held down the fort with a screaming toddler early morning so I could do this.
    Question-anyone have luck attracting hummingbirds in DC? We have a feeder in the window and thats gangbusters for other birds. But we also have a huge tree in the yard and I am thinking of hanging a hummingbird feeder. I see them for sale in Ace hardware store but really have no idea if this is even a possibility. My mom gets a lot in her yard down south and they are great to watch. Anyone able to attract them in DC? Tips?

    • I have a hummingbird that visits regularly to drink from feeder and nearby flowers. Scarlet runner beans and petunias get the most attention. Ants can be a problem so look for a feeder with a moat. Important – don’t use nectar with red eye! Make sugar water with one part sugar to four parts water (heat enough to thoroughly dissolve sugar), change nectar every few days as it gets moldy in heat. Good luck in getting them to visit you!

      • * red dye*
        Although you should also avoid nectar with red eye or any other objects

        • Thanks for the tip. This is a weekend project. I will report back in a few weeks if I have some luck. I like trying to create a bird/bee haven in my yard in the City.

          • Emmaleigh504

            My laveder attracts bees and once an hummingbird! I don’t think the hummingbird will come back b/c Donna watches the garden like a hawk.

  • FtLincolnLove

    Rave: FRIDAY!!
    Rave: Heading to Rehoboth Beach after work today…super pumped!
    Rave: Chocolate milk.

    Happy Friday!!

    Rave: Awesome weekend coming up with pretty much nothing planned means pool time, quality time with Mr. Eggs and the pup, and grilling and drinking.
    Rave: Heading to Florida next week and spending our first half-day at Epcot (I’ve never been to Disney and we’re getting in and shown around by a friend who works there!)
    Rant: Trip to Florida is to visit a friend who’s been going through some major health issues. Planning to spend a couple days just hanging out at their house and hopefully cheering him up.

  • Not really a rant or a rave, but did anyone listen to the Kane Show this morning? I guess at the end of the day, regardless if you’re married or not, you really don’t know the person you’re with.

    • FtLincolnLove

      UGH YES. It almost brought me to tears. Poor Kane, such a sad situation 🙁

    • palisades

      No, what happened?

      • Wife wiped out the bank accounts and took the kids w/out telling him. Came out and said he was filing for divorce. Pretty sure he was crying on air…I don’t know him personally, his show can be hit and miss sometimes, but DAMN…I feel for him. I’ve never been in that position but at the end of it all I wanted to do was give him a hug. Serious gut punch to start off the day.

        • Emmaleigh504

          omg that is awful! I have no idea who Kane is and if he’s an awful person or not, but wiping out accounts and just leaving is awful. (sometimes when abuse is involved kids need to just be taken, but I don’t condone taking all the money like that)

    • What happened to Kane?

  • emvee

    Rave: Wait Wait last night was wonderful.
    Rant: Staying out past my bedtime makes me one groggy lady in the morning.
    Rave: Heading back into the woods this weekend, just for a day hike, and possible solo, but I can’t stay away! The weather is too perfect.
    Rave/Rant: I may bring the dog, depending on the hike and the weather. His back has been acting up more as he’s gotten older, but I want to make sure he stays decently active into his senior years and leaving him at home won’t help at all. Poor elderly hound.

    • Have you done Sugarloaf before? I like the options to keep it fairly easy or moderate, depending on the trail. Always very quiet/hardly anyone else there when I’ve hiked there in the past.

      • emvee

        I (and the dog!) have done Sugarloaf a couple of times. I was thinking of doing a 4-6 miler in Shenandoah, maybe Buzzard Rock North or Stony Man. I’m trying to keep elevation/distance in mind for an aging basset body.

        • You are a good human for your pup! Hope it works out to go for a drive and take a hike, and then maybe even do a wine tasting!

  • Rave: Have a skype date tonight with a good friend who moved to Minneapolis earlier this summer – realizing that the distance is actually bringing us closer, with much more regular communication. Miss her being in DC, but it’s great to build a long-distance friendship with someone who’s so super cool.

    • emvee

      This happened recently with a friend of mine who moved to Columbus! We now have weekly Skype dates and I know so much more about what’s going on in her life. Sometimes the internet is awesome.

  • Rant: The area around the CH fountain is just awful. The grass is overgrown in some areas, and just patches of dirt in other areas, it is constantly covered with trash, and every morning a group of men hang out there who reek of alcohol. Additionally, for several weeks now there have at least eight shopping carts full of stuff parked in the tree boxes in front of Citibank. Who is responsible for taking care of this area? Do the businesses have any responsibility, if not for cleaning, at least for reporting it and ensuring that something happens? It’s gotten so that I’ll walk well out of my way to just not have to go through there anymore, which makes me sad because I used to love that little patch of the community.

    • I agree that it’s awful. Not so much for the loiterers or the trash (I mean, I don’t love ’em but that’s what we signed up for when we moved to CH) but for the total lack of shade. It’s the 21st century, how are we still making outdoor public space with no shade?

  • All hell has broken loose at the DC Pools. Water toys, squirt guns, street clothes in the pool, flotation devices and more!

    What happened to the good ole days when people got banned for wearing swim shirts?!?!

    • I was pretty shocked when I heard that they started selling concessions at Banneker this year. They were pretty ruthless when people ate food or non-water beverages on the pool deck.

      • Concessions are great and so far well managed. pre made cups of FroYo, hotdogs, sodas and chips. I think Howard students run it, not sure how the revenue it divvied up. I think all the pools should do this.
        As for street clothes, bannaker life guards take that seriously. They kicked out three little kids for wearing wife beaters, their moms were PISSED. Try to drag me into pointing out my daughters rash guard but the life gaurd said that was totally different. A pool manager had to get involved.

  • DC Impact may have spaces left in Sunday self defense class. I took classes last year and highly recommend

  • Rant: last guy I dated who then ghosted on me and then reappeared randomly to ask if I was interested in some fun times (NOPE!) thought it was totally okay to come up to me at a bar last night, hug me, and try to start up a convo as if we’re good. It’s been four months. We’re not friends. Don’t do that.
    Rave: my new friends! sometimes i think about leaving DC and then a fun night happens that makes me want to stay a lil bit longer.
    Rave: dating. need to stop worrying and just enjoy whatever happens.
    Rave: weekend!

  • Humorous: My neighborhood’s listserv is blowing up with posts about how Dacha’s proposed expansion could impact the neighborhood, pro and con. This video was cited: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY&feature=youtu.be
    Rant: My soon-to-be former neighbors are smart and entertaining and community-oriented and I will miss them a lot. I am very optimistic about the future of Shaw and sad I won’t see its day-to-day change any more.

  • Rave: beautiful summer days! after constant rain and a couple of really hot days, this feels glorious!
    Rant: the constant parade of drunks in the CH square. It seems they never leave. I walk there at 7am and there is already a group of 5-7 drunk guys. At night we have more + the homeless guy with the 5 shopping carts on Park… Is there anything we can do here?

  • Revel: New foster kittens are extra adorable!
    Rant: There are SO many kittens & cats in the shelters right now.


  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: Senior Citizen dogs. When I leave a room now instead of following me Lucy barks and I need to either carry her or carfully escort her to my new location.
    Rave: Senior Citizen dogs. I keep a box fan on the tiled hallway during the summer. Lucy sleeps on the outake side. Lizzie sleeps on the intake side. Maybe this should be a rant lol.

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