Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Jordan Barab

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

363 Comment

  • That One Guy

    Growing up did you have an ice cream truck frequent your neighborhood? What ice cream was you favorite?

    Complete the sentence:
    In weather like this I wish I could ___________ instead of __________.

    • In weather like this, I wish I could (safely) fasten my hammock in the back alley and consume all the strawberry shortcake icecreams in the world while reading fiction, instead of wasting the day in my office.

    • Yes, and strawberry shortcake or ice cream sandwiches.
      In weather like this I wish I could kayak with the ladyfriend instead of working.

    • My mom told us that Popsicle Joe was a child molester and did bad things to kids so if we heard the music we had to run and hide. She survived nearly an entire summer in Orange County not having to buy us ice cream/popsicles – then my sisters buddy filled her in on the truth. Lucky for her there was no Popsicle Joe in Japan or in our town in Washington – so she lucked out.

      • That’s both hilarious and terrifying.
        My niece thinks it’s the music truck and has no idea that it sells things, let alone delicious things.

        • She didn’t tell us what molesters actually do – just to hide. She was a smart cookie – fooled us on so many things, usually fear and guilt were the tactics.

          • Oh did you grow up Catholic?

          • How could you tell? 🙂

          • Came here to ask the same question as Beau!
            And, I’ve wondered why the term “raised Catholic” is used, but not “raised Baptist” or “raised (other religion)”

          • Maybe because Catholic is more of a specific culture compared to the varying Protestant sects? I’m just speculatin’, though.
            I like to say that I used to worship the Dark Lord Cathol.

          • I thought people used “raised Catholic” to imply that they were brought up that way, but no longer participate. Is there a higher drop out rate with Catholics? Maybe that’s why the phrase is common.
            Personally I just use ex-Catholic or recovering Catholic.

          • Weirdly enough, there is a story in the Post today about how more and more folks were embracing the “none” for religion. But in that story they had a whole thing about how Catholics are losing ground and it’s primarily people dropping out as adults.

          • Hmm I always say I was raised Lutheran.

    • Yes. Butch the ice cream man had a red afro. Loved the Fat Frogs!

      In weather like this I wish I could be swimming instead of working.

    • The Warhead ones were my favorite! They came with a Warhead on top.
      In weather like this, I wish I could sit on my patio with my dog, lots of beer, and a book, and nap in between beers and reading, instead of sitting in this windowless office.

    • In weather like this I wish I could ___be sweating over a grill with a beer in my hand___ instead of ___sweating in a Metro hot car with a Blackberry in my hand___.

    • I liked the Good Humor chocolate bars, the ones with the cookie coating. In weather like this, I wish I could be at a picnic in the park instead of stuck at my desk.

    • Blithe

      We had a couple of ice cream trucks. And a couple of “ice cream” trucks. My favorite was the Bomb pop. Now, though, Rita’s!!!!!!!!

      In weather like this I wish I could play in a sprinkler instead of trying to convince myself that I’m too adult for that.

      • I love this: “We had a couple of ice cream trucks. And a couple of ‘ice cream’ trucks.” 🙂

    • Emmaleigh504

      We didn’t have an ice cream truck, we had a snoball stand. Plum Street nectar snoballs are the oyster’s eyebrows.
      In weather like this I wish I could have a picnic instead of going to the doctor again for this damn cough that won’t go away.

    • Nope, we always went for water ice. pronounced wudder ice.

      In weather like this, I wish I could be at a pool, no one bothering me instead of everything else that my day usually consists of.

      I also wish my metro station had ac.

      • Philly represent! My boyfriend ALWAYS makes fun of me for this (it’s not italian ice, it’s water ice)! I loved getting free Rita’s on the first day of spring with my parents when I was home. We even lived close by the original Rita’s!

        Man, now I have a craving for it! Traditional cherry or the elusive pina colada mmm

      • SouthwestDC

        Ditto on the wudder ice. My family’s too lactose intolerant for ice cream anyway.

    • I Dont Get It

      In weather like this I wish I could join my department in another forced team building event and get lunch at the food trucks and sit in the hot sun eating it.  🙁

    • Our ice cream trucks in California sold everything that could ruin a kid. I preferred the Bomb Pops and the large Carnation Ice Cream cups. The trucks also sold tons of candy: Fun Dip, Warheads, and Mexican Chili candies were among my favorite.
      We would also buy cap guns from the ice cream guy and he sold these things called “poppers” (get your head out of the gutter!) which were small paper bags filled with gun powder. You’d throw them on the sidewalk or at your friends and they would create a small explosion. Got into sooooo much trouble playing with those 😀

    • Yes! Good Humor. The local Good Humor distributor’s phone number was one digit different than ours. We used to get some interesting early-morning phone calls during the summer.

  • Rant/Rave: Couple came to view my apartment this weekend, if they took it I could finally break my lease. It’s been a couple days now, and neither my landlord nor I have heard anything even though they made sure they had the credit check form and my landlord’s email address. Considering sending them a polite “Do you have any more questions?” email, in hopes they’d tell me if they aren’t taking it. If anyone wants to start a lease in my apartment this summer, I’ll need to move out before I leave for my fellowship in a few weeks… (so if anyone here is looking for an apartment in Glover Park……)
    Rant/Rave: Tinder guy messages me every day. Was sort of cute (even though it was overkill) at first. We got lunch yesterday. He’s nice but I wasn’t really feeling it. Now I kind of wish he’d stop. Ugh.

    • Oh mans, FridayGirl, tell him to stop now. I had one of those which never stopped texting me (despite my asking him to), it escalated and eventually the cops had to get involved.

      Good luck with the apt!

      • OMG!
        Yeah, I’m going to have to figure out how to do this. Ugh! People…

      • Anonynon

        can’t you simply block people on tinder?

        • He has my Kakaotalk ID, too. I guess I could block both places. That just seems a little harsh. I’ll try just telling him he really doesn’t need to message me daily first.

          • If you’re not interested you should tell him not to message you ever. I mean not in that way, but you know what I mean!

          • Anonynon

            +1 let the guy down easy

          • Someone you dislike messages you everyday, and you find blocking him on 2 apps to be “too harsh”? I don’t understand women (I have never had a man have such a sentiment; I’m a woman too) & their desire to be so nice even when they’re not happy. Smh!

          • Good point, AnonSpock.

          • … Blocked.

          • I think it’s pretty harsh if you never mention that you want him to 1. stop messaging you so much or 2. stop messaging me period. It’s really harsh to go from dating/messaging every day to a complete block with no words spoken about the messaging. IMO it takes a lot more balls to say, “Hey, you’re a cool person, but I just don’t think we’re a match. It’s probably best if we don’t continue to communicate.” than to hit block and never utter a word. Jeez, dating is RUDE these days!

          • Read Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear.” If you’re not interested in him, tell him you’re not interested in him. If you just tell him “Please don’t message me every day,” then he might think that you’re interested in him and the only issue is that he’s messaging you every day… which could result in him messaging you every other day.

          • Blithe

            Anon Spock — Tinderguy does not yet KNOW that FridayGirl dislikes him. I think it is harsh to find that out by being blocked. Male or Female, the mature thing to do is to be clear about what you want and what you don’t want. If he’s nice enough to have lunch with, he’s nice enough to treat with respect. Just say you’re not into it, and move on.

          • There is still time to unblock. I generally don’t like to do the fade-out or the block, which is why in these situations I’m never sure what to do. At the same time, just to clarify, we were not dating. We met for the FIRST time yesterday — for lunch, for 45 minutes — because we work about 10 minutes from each other. We talked, periodically, for a week and a half before that (some days I wouldn’t answer until much later because I was hoping he’d get the idea that he didn’t need to message so much….)

          • I understand you weren’t dating, but this guy took time out of his day and it sounds like he has taken a lot of time to message you and is probably thinking about you. The right thing to do is not to fade or block someone, it’s to politely tell them you’re not interested in them. Stop hoping the person “gets the idea” and tell them the idea: hey, I’m not feeling it. Just reverse the role…would you want to be blocked without even a word?

          • I think she should tell him, but Friday seems to dislike confrontation, so blocking is an easy out. One date is perfectly acceptable to fade, imo. Many people miss what we’d call obvious cues, so I’d never assume answering slowly would impart stop messaging me so much. I wouldn’t get that impression from that action, but I’m also not a daily texter.

          • I am never asking you guys about dating again.
            It seems like my gut instinct was more on point in the first place, and now I am just confused and I feel like a horrible person for unblocking/unmatching the guy. Nevermind!

          • Agreed with Blithe and ParkViewRes.

          • You unmatched a guy you didn’t gel with…What’s horrible about it? You didn’t leave the guy at the altar, so I’m sure you’ll both get over it soon. It’s just dating; take it easy and have fun.

          • ^^ says the person who complains alot about the lady friend and others when they are non responsive etc….live by what you preach.

          • justinbc

            Just do what feels comfortable to you, other folks’ impressions of it really don’t matter. Block him if he’s annoying you, don’t block him if it makes you feel bad, why worry about it?

          • Justinbc, I like your attitude. “Why worry about it?” – I think that’s what I’ve learned today.

          • Anonymous- I complained about someone I’m dating being non responsive in regards to planning dates.
            I complained about my roommate, property manager, etc in a similar fashion I.e. people I have an ongoing relationship with being non responsive.
            I’m fine getting called out, but you gotta do better and keep the facts straight.

          • You do you! Let us know how it goes!

          • Are FridayGirl and BagelBoy the same person?
            Because this is what he would do 😀

      • That One Guy

        You don’t think she should go out on a second date and proceed to pour a beer on his head?

        • Anonynon

          thats socially acceptable these days, sigh. Guys have it tough.

          • Beer shampoos are good for your hair. That’s why I’m always going around trying to smooch strange women in dice bars. On the other hand, pint glasses are not good for your cheek bones, so maybe I should just break down and buy a six of porter.

          • Hahaha. Guys do NOT have it tough when it comes to dating in D.C.

          • dive bars

          • I like hanging out in dice bars 🙂

          • I thought you *meant* dice bars. And I was thinking that sounded dingy and dangerous, like somewhere you might meet a dame who’d seen too much, but had gams for days and a look in her eyes like she still knew how to dream…

          • My only time in a dice bar was in San Francisco’s Chinatown where a bunch of old guys were playing something elaborate at the end of the bar while money changed hands.

        • Hahahahahaha!

      • There was a guy I met on Tinder who was super creepy. We texted for a little bit, I just wasn’t interested. The guy proceeded to text me non-stop for WEEKS. Every single day “good morning beautiful” and “i think I love you” kind of stuff. At first I engaged, told him to stop, he was being creepy, called him out for trying to play a joke, etc. Then I ignored. In the end the only way to fix it was to block him. He and my housemate connected and he did the same thing to her (although for a shorter period of time since we were able to figure out it was the same guy). Then he found me on facebook and messaged me!! I figured out quickly and blocked him, but it was very weird considering my privacy settings are very high. However, he was able to find me because my phone was connected and I had my settings set to allow people with my number in their contacts to be able to send me messages. Still, weird and unsettling.

    • I’d send an email to inquire. I actually got my current roomie by doing this after not hearing back for a couple days. She was just slow or maybe had to push back viewing another place, so she needed more time.

      • Thanks, Anon Spock! I think I’ll go ahead and do that today then. I stumbled upon an open house for a perfect place for me over the weekend, too, and it would be great if the stars finally aligned here….

        • It seems to me that both of these problems could be solved with a phone call. Why not give that phone function a try.

    • I think if you just didn’t feel it, it’s fine to say, look it was nice to talk but I just didn’t feel anything when we got lunch yesterday. I don’t want to drag this out when I know it’s not going to work. Please stop contacting me.

      • My issue is the ppl above are focusing on the dude. HE took time out for lunch, HE may still be thinking about her. What about her? She took the same time in the interaction now she needs to take more time to politely turn him down after one short lunch date. Why? And if he doesn’t get it, she may end up having to block him later. He does not deserve any level of deference. If they had multiple dates or were dating, sure, but 45 mins of meeting. (If she wants to tell him that’s cool, of course, I just don’t think blocking is impolite or unwarranted)

        • Because FridayGirl is the one that is not interested. And actually taking one minute to tell someone you’re not interested isn’t a lot of time. It takes about the same time as blocking (on two apps I might add). Now if he continued to contacting her and then she’d have to take more time to respond then it’s perfectly acceptable to block him. Sorry, but I always took the time to tell women I wasn’t interested when I was still in the dating game and just viewed it as part of dating. In fact, the few times I hoped they “got the message” always resulted in MORE texts and MORE explaining as to why I didn’t like the person. You’re the one that is always complaining people are passive aggressive. Well, it’s passive aggressive to block someone rather than tell them you don’t like them.

          • I agree, ParkView. What is so difficult about just telling someone you are not interested, particularly, because in this case, it’s just a matter of sending a text? Every day I hear stories of people fading or unfriending or blocking; what happened to just using your words? Isn’t that what adults (particularly adults who are presumably looking for romantic partners) do? Regardless of gender, it’s about showing a base level of consideration for both yourself and others. No one likes to be on the receiving end of a fade, and when I procrastinate and needlessly draw things out, I’m not doing myself any favors either. Still, people would rather just metaphorically swipe left rather than deal with the momentary discomfort that comes with being direct, and I think it’s made dating (and all human interaction) way more fraught than it needs to be.

          • Another +1, esp. because I think FG is one of the people on here who has expressed hurt and confusion when someone she’s interested in just stops responding. Treat people how you want to be treated.

          • I agree with you guys — which I why I was planning to say something in the first place. It just turns out what I would have said wasn’t the “right” thing either. And also, I didn’t express hurt when someone stopped responding (I’ve had several fades, and have just said “Meh! Guess they weren’t interested!”). I DID, however, express hurt when someone wasn’t fading but was trash talking behind my back!

          • Maybe I’ve had extremely bad luck turning people down, but it rarely goes well. Even on a site, I usually sent a polite thanks but no thanks and good luck message only to be berated by strangers I’ve never even met. I’d rather just block the people at this point. Do whatever makes you feel good.

        • It’s cowardly. Better just to tell the guy straight-out that she’s not interested. It’s not like it takes a crazy amount of time.

        • Because dating karma.

        • Blithe

          “Deference” and common courtesy are not the same thing.

    • I’m looking for an apartment around Glover Park! Can you give some details or the listing?

      • Hi! Can you email me and I’ll send you the listing? ck0643a at gmail dot com
        (Sorry for the delayed response, I hope you see this!)

  • For discussion: Picking up service dogs’ poop. I saw a woman this morning, patting around on the ground with her bagged hand, to find and pick up her guide dog’s poop. Then the bus moved and I didn’t see if she found it, or if anyone offered to help. But I thought (in the moment), if anyone deserves a pass for picking up poop…

    • Agreed. Handicapable people definitely get a pass. Honestly, never considered what happens with guide dogs.

      • Yeah I never even thought about it. I’d like to think I’d offer to take care of it for them, if I had a bag I could use.

    • Haha, when I had an OkCupid profile, under the “I spend a lot of time thinking about…” section I put “who picks up after seeing eye dogs.” Good times.

    • That One Guy

      Had a blind roommate in college who by his senior year had a service dog. He definitely had a hard time finding where his dog pooped or even knowing if the dog pooped or peed. Definitely deserves a pass is they are searching around.

    • I raised service puppies for 15 years and we train them to go on command, so this happens as little as possible.

      • Wait. You can train a service dog to guide a blind person onto the metro (always amazed by this), but you can’t train the dog to pick up its own poop? I suppose the lack of opposable thumbs would make it a wee bit challenging, but come on!

    • I used to work with a woman with a seeing eye dog, and he was trained to go to the bathroom in the street (like just over the curb).

  • Bear

    Rant: Bad fight with the fiance. Hoping we can get to a point soon where productive conversation can happen.
    Not many raves today.

    • I’m sorry 🙁 have you considered counseling at all? I actually think I’m going to push Mr. Eggs to go try it out sometime later this year – I’m a big believer that counseling and/or therapy is for everyone, and not just when communication is hard. Maybe approaching it that way would help it seem not so “oh god, we’re such awful communicators we have to go to counseling!” and more “this is beneficial for everyone at any life stage”. Good luck and lots of positive thoughts!

      • Any recommendations for pre-marriage counsellors in DC? I would definitely be interested.

        • 2nd this request!

        • We didn’t do it prior to getting married (I wanted to but it just didn’t work out timing/money-wise) so I’m also up for hearing suggestions for any counselors in general!

        • We used Ashley Seeger. She has an office in Dupont and was pretty good. Would definitely recommend pre-marital counseling generally and her in particular. Good luck and hang in there!

      • Bear

        Yes, recommendations would be appreciated. Overall our relationship is strong, but from time to time we just can’t seem to communicate frustrations without things escalating.

        • Good friends of mine did premarital counseling (it was a series of sessions with other couples and a counselor) at the JCC. They aren’t Jewish, but still found it really useful in talking about and working through a lot of issues.

  • Rant: I’m SO not a summer person. My people are Russian – I need cold.
    Rave: Went to sleep at 9PM last night.
    Rant: Woke up at 10:30. and 11:45. Thing something’s up with my child – the not talking yet part isn’t helpful.
    Rave: But he does say “mommy”

    • Except Russians crank the heat in the winter and overdress. Ever seen a Russian baby? Those things are swaddled within an inch of their lives!

    • I’m the opposite – my deep ancestors roamed behind reindeer herds near the Arctic circle which explains why I love love the heat (and don’t mind the humidity).

    • How old is your child again? My youngest was speech delayed, which made life incredibly frustrating for both of us. We had him tested and his development (what he could understand) far exceeded his speech (what he could communicate), leading to tanturms all. the. time.

      • 18 months. He says words, but nothing that can help us help him if he’s not feeling well. Mostly car, animal sounds, mommy, “hi”, and cheese. Which is of course a very important word in our house.

        • Oh ok, I was thinking he was older. My son was 26 months when he was evaluated and spoke five words at the time. It’s tough, but hopefully in time he will be able to communicate his wants/needs more. You could always try sign language too, just a thought?

  • Mug of Glop

    Rave: Trip out to Annendale (I know, really exotic locale) this weekend was pretty great! Tons of Korean food, Korean bakery stuff, and, most importantly, picked up tons of stuff at Hmart. I guess it was a very Korean Sunday.
    Rave: Shake Shack Run tonight! It’s the two-year anniversary of the DC run! Runs from Pacers Logan Circle, Pacers Pentagon Row, and, for (I think) the first time, Pacers Clarendon. Come join us in the soup for a hotrun!
    Rant: It’s pretty damned humid out.

  • RAVE: Still in my head… LEBRON JAMES, LEBRON JAMES.
    Rant: Will miss the whole game basically because of a final exam.
    RAVE: Done with all classes Thursday afternoon
    Rant: Summer courses begin in three weeks.

  • Rant: Overslept so no packed lunch.
    Rant: Don’t feel prepared for my tournament at all.
    Rave: Two date nights this week.

  • Rave: Troy Vincent
    Rant: Busy as all hell.

  • Rave: THREE orchids in bloom! One has been “about to bloom” for almost two months (it seems). Orchid happiness 🙂
    Rave: Ordered 25 bare-root sycamore trees for the farm from MD state tree nursery, they sent 50. But then,
    Rant: Someone had to plant 50 trees this weekend
    Rave: Not me – sib is the designated tree planter
    Rave: Lovely long weekend

    • Impressive on the orchid blooming! I’ve managed to get an orchid to bloom again only once. I now have two that are on their last legs that I might actually have to give up on. One is 11 years old and the other is about 6 years old, but I’m just running out of patience with them.

      • More impressive than my blooms = there are two orchids at the family farm that have been constantly in bloom since summer 2011. When one bloom stalk is fading, another is appearing.

      • textdoc, the secret to re-blooming orchids at home is a grow light. I’ve seen it happen many times: orchid sits around being boring for years, gets two weeks of grow light, pops out a flower stalk. So maybe get a desk lamp and a full spectrum bulb and see if that doesn’t perk them up?

        • Hmm, maybe. I’m usually very good with houseplants, but I’ve been kind of passive-aggressively neglecting my orchids for the past few weeks, and I think now they might be at the point where they’re beyond saving.

  • Rave: Finally went grocery shopping but we still ended up picking up takeout buffalo wings for dinner (I love our stupid traditions). I consider both to be a victory.
    Rant: My wife’s best friend is having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with her on an issue, which has led to months of debate. It’s getting old.
    Rave: The realtor trying to sell the house next door has finally sent a landscaping company over to clear the yard of weeds and ridiculously tall grass. It’s been really sad to see a yard that had been meticulously kept by the previous owner get to such a state.
    Rant: It’s not so great to have them over while on a conference call.

    • topscallop

      Sometimes grocery shopping is so exhausting you have no choice but to order takeout when you get home.

  • Rave: Seeing Cabaret tonight!
    Rave: Eating delicious, delicious cheese before the show
    Rant: Having 2 people with the same name at work (me and another person) is super annoying/confusing/awkward for everyone.

    • +1 on the last rant. It’s always dramatic at my office when they mix up paychecks for the people with the same name.

      • My sister-in-law and I share the same name – we often get each other’s email and phone calls.

  • Rave: Nice run this morning through Rock Creek
    Rant: A tad on the sticky side
    Rave: Mom’s day bouquet was delivered – gratis and bigger than I ordered.
    Rave: Amazing truffle and mushroom ravioli last night – thanks Trader Joe’s

  • Rant: My papa’s cancer has progressed. We still need more information/tests to know where things stand, but it is hard to feel optimistic right now.
    Rant: Finding the best way to support my parents (while respecting their very Germanic boundaries) is going to be interesting. I think I just have to have a lot of conversations that start, “I’d love to come visit for the weekend, but if that’s too much please let me know and feel free to say no.”
    Rave: Partner has been really good and supportive through all of this. He’s a rock.

  • That One Guy

    I’m told that it’s free ice cream cone today at Haagen Daz. I don’t know if my sister reads the website or if we were thinking the same thing.

  • Revel: Two of the tiny foster kittens just broke the one pound mark! They are now about 4-5 weeks old and really starting to play. I’d love to have anyone who wants to play with them – (especially with kids!) – come over and help socialize them. Parents – what a great bribe right? contact me vicmck at gmail dot com.

  • Medical Question: After a moderately intense workout yesterday, I started having abdominal discomfort, which lasted for maybe an hour. Then, right as I was falling asleep, I began having chest pressure. I was able to fall asleep eventually, but when i woke up, the pressure returned. There’s no pain, acid reflux, shortness of breath, rapid heatbeat, etc., just this pressure inbetween my rib cages. I’m thinking it may be related to anxiety, which I’ve never been diagnosed with, but I guess my question is, does anyone with anxiety ever have chest pressure, and if so, does it ever last more than a few hours? I’m going to see my dr. if it doesn’t get better, but a part of me thinks it’s mostly in my head since when I move around or distract myself, it’s not as noticeable. I’m also a 32 year old female with no risk factors for heart disease, so I’m fairly confident it isn’t a serious heart issue.

    Thanks for any advice you may have!

    • That One Guy

      If your insurance company has a nurse line call it to speak with someone there for guidance.

      • Honestly, I would advise against the nurse line — One time antibiotics were giving me a stomach ache and the nurse line basically told me I was dying and to go to the hospital immediately. When I got there, the hospital told me I could have just stopped taking it that night and gone to see a normal doctor the next day. $500 later… it was a huge mistake.
        Point being, just go to a regular doctor if you can.

    • PLease get it checked out. If anything, knowing that it’s nothing will help your anxiety. Chest pain/[ressure is nothing to fool with.

    • Anxiety episodes – including chest pressure and rapid heartbeat – can be triggered by exercise. Basically, your brain is stressed out but isn’t sending signals to your body to panic until you go for a hard run. Then it’s like “oh, there’s our sign, something must be chasing us, let’s FREAK OUT!” Then if you’re focusing on something else, it makes sense that those signals would calm down a little bit. I would definitely go see your doctor if it lasts or happens again. They can give you a stress test to put your mind at ease.

      • Totally agree with this. If I’m super stressed/anxious I simply cannot run, my body start panicking and freaking out. Instead, as of late, I’ve just been going on longer walks (6 mile walk vs 3 mile run) which doesn’t put the stress on my body but still helps to clear my mind. Hope this helps.

    • Personally, I would call the doctor. It’s probably nothing serious but any cardiac symptom should always be evaluated. And if it ends up being related to anxiety, the doctor can guide you to the correct resources (referral to another physician, etc.) for dealing with it.

      • Thanks everyone for your advice! I’m feeling a bit better now but I”m going to make a dr’s appt anyways just for peace of mind.

    • If you’re a woman, the symptoms of cardiac distress are not the same as for men– not the clutching left side pain and left arm involvement. More often pressure, muscle aches, and belly pain, and often weeks in advance of the actual attack. A woman I know, late 30s and in seemingly good health, died of a heart attack last week. So I’m feeling a little sensitized, and encourage you to get checked out.

  • Rave: upcoming vacation to a secluded mountainous region with no access to cell phone service. Yay, hiking!

    Rave/rant: Crazy busy social calendar for the next few weeks. I really need to be better about scheduling ‘me’ time during the week/weekend.

    Rave: Therapy has been working so well, and anxiety and depression levels have plummeted. May also be because the weather is BEAUTIFUL.

  • Rant: Yesterday was my ex’s birthday. Hard not to think about him.
    Rant: … Ended up texting him happy birthday because I’m an idiot and still wonder how he’s doing. No response, of course, which is really just as well. Annoyed at myself for that.
    Rant: Tried talking to therapist about therapy not being super helpful/how I could use it better. She just told me I only get out what I put in, but I just have a hard time talking/knowing what to talk about and she doesn’t make any effort to help with that. Frustrated, and it often leaves me feeling worse than when I went in.
    Rave: At least it’s sunny, warm, and beautiful out (despite the humidity). Reading a good book in the shade=perfect.

    • It sounds like you need to change therapists. That’s totally fine and therapists expect that. This one doesn’t sound like the right fit for you.

      • I may just stop. It was so hard to find one in the first place that took my insurance and had an available appointment slot I could work with. I can’t easily take time off work and it’s an inflexible schedule. At least I tried, I guess!

        • I got some great recommendations for grief counselors, and one of them is even flexible enough to do skype/phone sessions outside of normal business hours if needed. It may be that you can find a therapist who offers similar options after an initial meeting to see if you jive with them. There is a “Skype enabled” search filter at the Find a Therapist section of psychologytoday.com. FYI!

        • Have you communicated this frustration with your therapist? Many of them initially take a “wait and see” approach, basically letting you guide the conversation wherever you desire. However, this approach doesn’t always work best with people who are introverted or have trouble with “opening up”.
          If you want her to ask more questions and provide you with more speaking prompts, you should directly tell her that. There’s no reason to dump this therapist just yet, IMHO.

          • I tried to this past time, but she was a bit dismissive. I didn’t directly say I wanted her to ask more questions or provide speaking prompts though (but I’ve said in the past I wasn’t sure where to start/what to say), so I’ll try directly saying that.

          • Littlen, have you identified or clarified your goals with your therapist? Sometimes, having a “this is why I’m here” or “this is what I”d like to work on” conversation and then a discussion of how your therapist can help you towards those goals can make therapy more focused and productive.

  • Question for landlords: I live in a recently renovated house. There are no holes/hookups for cable/internet. We got the Wi-Fi hole drilled in the wall but I’ve hesitated about the hole in the floor for cable. Is this something that would be reasonable wear and tear since there is no hole to begin with? Thoughts?
    Rant: backed my car into a telephone pole this morning trying to accommodate a van that was taking up the whole damn alley. Rear window was too fogged up to see behind me.
    Rave: at least I didn’t hit another car.

    • What do you mean, “wi-fi hole”?
      For cable… did the landlord not have cable jacks put in each room when he was renovating the house a few months ago? (I’m assuming he didn’t, or there wouldn’t be any need to put coaxial cable through a wall or floor.) That seems really unwise on his part, but nonetheless I’d explain the situation to him and ask if he has any preference as to where you put the holes. I definitely wouldn’t count that as ordinary wear and tear; get his blessing first.

      • I mean a hole in the wall necessary to install Wi-Fi. No jacks for anything were installed anywhere.

        • I still don’t understand. No telephone jacks to plug the DSL into? Or do you have cable internet? Or FiOS?

          • Er, DSL *modem.

          • Nothing. I had RCN install a jack which involved drilling a hole but there were no jacks for anything when we moved in.

          • OK. I still recommend explaining the situation to the landlord and getting his blessing.
            Standard D.C. lease language says this (or something close to it): “Without the prior written permission of the Landlord, Tenant will not: remodel or make any changes, alterations or additions to the Premises (including the exterior of the Premises); wallpaper, paint, decorate, or landscape; install, attach, remove, or exchange appliances or equipment; drive nails or other devices into the wall or woodwork (a reasonable number of picture hangers excepted); or change the existing locks on the Premises or install additional locks.”

    • I had this problem once, and comcast wouldnt drill the hole at all without written consent from the landlord. Seems like whoever came first just did it, but you might want to obtain a letter just in case the next person installing isn’t so easy going.

  • Rant: Ongoing issues with unsettling dreams, poor sleep, and feeling groggy. I think some of it is because it’s light so much earlier in the morning now. I have pretty thick curtains, but the curtain-rod mounting is kind of jerry-rigged rather than a proper mounting, and as a result there’s a little sliver of light at one edge. I need to either put up a proper curtain rod or figure out some other kind of complete light-blocking solution.
    Rant: Did not wake up in time to dig up my last few daylilies while it was still relatively cool outside. I love D.C., but man, I hate the heat and humidity.
    Rant: I probably have some raves too, but I can’t remember them because I’m feeling too groggy.

    • Blithe

      Have you tried using a sleep mask? I find them annoying, but some people swear by them.

      • I use one, but I don’t always remember to put it on before going to bed. And sometimes I _do_ put it on before going to bed, and when I wake up it’s migrated somewhere else.

  • Rant: Uninterested in doing any of the work I have to finish today.
    Rant: BF out of town all week.
    Rave: My vitamin D is back up in the high end of the normal range. It really makes a difference!
    Rant: Almost all of the adult vitamins at Target are now in gummi form. I figured I would try them and while that was fun for a day, I’m not a fan.

    • Rant: The “dad bod” rhetoric is driving me mad. The PostEverything article that said “a dad bod says I have a job, responsibilities and enough money to nod approvingly when someone says ‘guacamole is extra'” really pissed me off yesterday.

      • I AM SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT THE DAD BOD!! So now we’re giving men an excuse to be out of shape (when they’ve always had one), yet women–EVEN AFTER THEY HAVE BABIES–are expected to be in great shape. It’s truly infuriating.

        • +1 million, totally agree!

        • Agreed! I’m a guy and I can’t imagine that any guy actually wants and/or is proud of having a dad bod. It’s really not that hard to find some time to go to the gym or go for a run.

          • ….are you a dad? It’s REALLY easy to say, “it’s really not that hard to find time”. But as someone who previously thought that, I am now kicking myself for how little time I have to do absolutely anything for myself. It’s the same for my husband (who doesn’t have dad bod, but he’s blessed with a good metabolism and was a Marine, so it evens out). Add that he’ll be going to school at night in the fall, and neither of us have time to do anything. It’s really common to have very little time. It’s also very common to assume people are lazy when they actually don’t have time, and are then exhausted at 9pm because they are working/taking care of everything from 6:30AM-9PM

          • I’m not a dad. I’m a single 32 year old male. However, I work close to 12+ hour days, so it’s not like I have oodles of free time. With that said, I totally get what you’re saying, but this “dad bod” thing all started in reference to college-aged kids. I’d say most college kids have a spare 30min a day to workout. If you’re not in college and you don’t have a lot of free time to workout, then you should squeeze in some exercise where you can and adjust your diet if you’re worried about having a dad bod.

          • I agree with you both. Some ppl do work a lot/kids/etc (one week last fall I worked 100 hrs) or can’t afford a gym, and some people have lots of free time and still don’t go. The other group could squeeze it in and don’t. If you could do your whole day, go to the gym, and still get 7-8 hrs of sleep, I put you in the latter category. I stop short of saying lazy, but you shouldn’t complain of being in poor shape either.

          • Exempting medical issues, no guy in his 20s should have Steve Carrell’s body (aka the Ultimate Dad Bod). That’s really inexcusable.

        • justinbc

          Isn’t a lot of that pressure applied to you by other women though? Look at some of the posts here every day. There are also strong voices constantly shouting about great curvy, out of shape bodies are, and the proud mother baby bump photos that fill up FB (just yesterday I saw a friend of mine laying totally topless with her just born baby on her stomach, she DGAF what people think). It’s hard to know who you’re directing your collective “we” anger to, but it should definitely be addressed inward before focusing outward.

      • +1. The article rubbed me the wrong way as well, although some points were interesting. Overall I think the author’s increased success with the ladies has very little to do with his physical appearance and more to do with increased confidence and sense of self that often comes with age. The changing appearance is more likely an intervening variable than causal. Also, is it newsworthy that some people – in this case, women – care more about personality and less about physical appearance when looking for a mate?

        • Totally agreed re. the increased confidence.

        • I couldn’t agree more and was frustrated that the author didn’t see the correlation between his increased confidence/maturity and successful relationships, not so much his time spent in the gym. There were some real eye roll-worthy one liners throughout that article. Especially liked the example of his dad bod friend who met the perfect women– who of course is in great shape. Ugh!

      • I agree it’s a stupid trend piece and a dumb term. But don’t you think there’s a body-positive message in there, too? Plenty of us are in great shape and health but will never remotely approach single-digit body fat, nor have any desire to do so.

        • And not only recognizing that but considering it “hot” for men, while women are supposed to look like Sofia Vergara.

      • The Washington Post’s articles on social trends tend to be dubiously argued, and annoying.
        I was reading the original “dad bod” piece yesterday (after I followed a link from the WPost piece), and the 19-year-old author’s logic is faulty when she says: “We know what we are getting into when he’s got the same exact body type at the age of 22 that he’s going to have at 45.” People’s metabolisms do not stay constant as they get older. (More’s the pity.)

      • Hah: we did it to you again. First we refuse to restructure the workplace to acknowledge the existence of children and guilt women into taking most of the childbearing burden even though you have better educations than we do these days, thus making you more income-dependent on us and limiting your ability to compete on the career ladder. Now we’re using our control of the media to redefine attractiveness to where we can go to the bar instead of the gym. You? You could stand to lose a few. You can go to SoulCycle — if you can afford it. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah [evil laugh].

    • Is there an easy way to test Vitamin D levels? I just got told mine were low, and I’d like to monitor.

      • My doctor had me take 5000 units of vitamin D each day for 6 weeks (mine was really low) and then tested again. Now that I’m in the healthy range, I’m taking 2000 units per day to maintain the healthy level.

        • And apparently I can’t read. I’m not sure if there is a reliable way to test your level beyond a blood test.

          • My office already thinks I’m dying (you’d think they’d be nicer), given the multiple appointments and follow-ups I’m working through right now (I’ll know for sure if I’m dying after the colonoscopy), so another afternoon off for a Vitamin D level blood test test may not be in the works. I’ll just have to hope the pills are working, after seeing if they dosage is up to Dr. Alice’s suggestion. And maybe my knees will stop hurting (I’ll settle for the placebo effect).

          • Totally understand; my preferred lab is near my dentist so I just combined the two on a morning off– otherwise I probably would have put off the follow up test for months. Sounds like a good plan. Fingers crossed for good results from the colonoscopy!

        • I’m on 50k (yes, 50,000) once a week plus 2k a day. Mine VitD was 12. Hopefully the RX helps.

  • Blithe

    Rave: The Sephora birthday gift this year is Nars lip pencils. Yay Sephora!
    Rant: Verizon’s business model. Yes, they charge me a lot. Yes, they make additional profit by selling my information. And they helpfully suggest that they can make even more money if I pay them a significant amount of money every month to have an unlisted number. Scummy.
    Rave: It’s pretty summer dress season!
    Rave: Flirting!

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: still miserable from pneumonia/the plague, headed back to the doctor b/c I’m out of the good cough medicine, and I really would like to get rid of this thing for good.
    Rave: my fancy violets did sprout! It just took a really long time. I now have little bitty fancy violets in my pots. Hopefully they will bloom next year.
    Rave: Donna likes to help me garden by nibbling on the fancy lettuce.

    • Hope you feel better soon, Emilie!

      • Emmaleigh504

        thanks! My doctor was super helpful today and gave me 2 new things to try to knock out the cough. I was afraid I wouldn’t like her as much as my other PCP (who moved to a diff country), but I do. She’s really good at explaining everything.

  • palisades

    Rave: Craving $1 oysters and cocktails. Been googling different places to go. I’ll probably just walk to BlackSalt for happy hour since it’s so close.
    Rant: Stupid contractors renovating the building next door are messy as hell and leave trash and nails and crap in our driveway. I’ve gotten two flat tires because of it. At least they own up and pay for them, but jeez, you’d think they would take the time to just sweep every once in a while.

    • palisades

      Follow-up Rant: It’s only 11 and I want to be sipping gin and slurping down oysters.

      • I don’t think they are $1 and it isn’t really close to you, but I really like Eat the Rich in Shaw for oysters and gin. I had a terrific frozen gimlet there!

    • How are you liking the Palisades? Rent or own? Do you use public transport to commute downtown?
      My GF and I are looking at places and Palisades seems like a good option right now. We’re not ready to buy, but Palisades is 2 miles from her family in Bethesda and you seem to get a lot for your money.
      We don’t have a car, but she’s probably getting one in the fall so she can finish grad school at UMD. So parking will eventually be an issue for us.

      • palisades

        Palisades is what you make of it. Honestly not that much going on, but it has beautiful scenery and it’s quiet. I rent a place with a friend. 2 BR, 1 Bath, and we each pay $865. Parking and utilities are included. The place is old and needs renovations, but it’s a steal.
        There’s only one bus that runs up and down MacArthur (basically all that Palisades is). It’s reliable, but during off-peak hours, it only comes every 25-30 minutes or so. I drive to work in Fairfax, and it only takes me 25 minutes both ways. If I worked in the city, say downtown, it would take about 45 min with the bus.
        On weekends, and after work, I take the bus to get into the city. It takes about 10 minutes to get to DuPont from my place. Depending on what I need for groceries, I shop at the Safeway in Palisades (pretty crappy groceries) or go to the one in Georgetown.
        I’ve lived there for over a year now and love it. Zero crime, ample parking, great place to run, and can walk to the waterfront. There aren’t any bars, but it’s a nice place to be.

        • Thanks for the detailed write-up. We’re in our mid 30s, like to do yoga and run, but also really enjoy the amenities of the city. We both work downtown (me at Farragut, her at MetroCenter). We both like what the Palisades have to offer, but that commute might be a bit much for us right now. That said, there are some good steals in that neighborhood. She’s very close to her family, so being nearby would be perfect for us.
          We need to go look at some places and see how we like it. She grew up right over the border in NW, so she knows the pluses and minuses.

          • Anonymous, have you looked at Glover Park? (I’m actually trying to rent out my apartment to a new tenant starting this summer since I’m breaking my lease.) The commute downtown is super easy. Not quite as easy to go the store/gym/etc. And while it’s not as cheap, I originally shared my 1 bedroom and we each paid $830/month which wasn’t horrible given the neighborhood and bus access to upper NW/MD imo.

          • palisades

            +1 to FridayGirl’s comment. If you’re willing to spend a little more, Glover Park is the perfect middleground between the quiet Palisades life and the downtown life. Plenty of cool restaurants and bars, but still far enough away from Georgetown.

          • During rush hour, there is also the D5 which is an “express bus” which ends at Farragut North. The commute downtown is not bad at all, depending on traffic I say 40 min door to door. Taxis are not that expensive and you can always find a Car2Go somewhere in the neighborhood. Also you can easily commute by bicycle.
            There are some very good walkable restaurants, yoga, and plenty of places to get your outdoor fix, but If you are looking for nightlife, look elsewhere.

          • Whoa, sorry, I meant “Easier to go to the store/gym/etc.” — I was originally typing “Not quite as quiet as Palisades”

  • Yes, my favorite were the chocolate eclair ice cream pops. Or dixie cups.

    In weather like this I wish I could be outside reading a book while sipping a glass of peach iced tea instead of sitting in this freezing window-less cube farm.

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave:  My sister!  After hearing grandmother/Mother’s Day horror stories last week, last night I got a text from my sister saying that the Mother’s Day gifts she gave my niece and nephew’s families  were to let them have the day to themselves!

    Rant:  The house smells like pot, pee and poop and I can only blame Muriel Bowser for one of them.

    Rant:  This is the second poop post I’ve had in a week so I’m sure the PooPville poop shamers will be coming to mtpresident me.  

    Rant:  Disagreements with WDS over a/c.  I don’t think for $160 a week you get 72 degrees.

  • Rave: FridayGirl’s dating question. I’m getting advice without even have to post! This is great! Keep em coming!

    • Same! I always have so many dating rants/issues but feel like I never need to post them because of her (and you)!

      • I’ve learned so much from crowdsourcing advice here. Much better than some of my friends advice. Sometimes its nice to know you’re not the only one struggling weeding through the creeps/jerks around here.

    • LOL. I wish it would stop. I regret ever asking. Lesson learned!

      • In deference to you, I’ll stop commenting up there. 🙂

      • topscallop

        I can’t come to the next happy hour, but it might be interesting at some point to compare notes with you all on online profiles, what has worked/not worked for other people. I feel like I go through cycles of receiving a lot of terrible messages and being nearly ready to disable the account, and then a few seemingly good ones keep me from leaving. Then those don’t work out and the cycle begins again. I do message guys too, occasionally, but I wonder if I could improve what I’m putting out there?

  • emvee

    Rant: Perpetual headaches and an inability to sleep through the night. I had this issue a few months ago and was told it was stress/anxiety related. At least I have a better idea of how to tackle this now?
    Rave: Dress season!
    Question: I cannot seem to find a decent hair person in this city. I’ve gone to a few, but I always get really blah cuts that grow out weird. I’m currently sporting a pretty poofy, outgrown bob that looks a little like a triangle. Any recommendations for stylists that can work with weird half-wave, half-straight hair that is highly susceptible to the summer humidity poof?

    • Christophe at St Germaine in gallery place is AMAZING with all hair. Alas, I can’t afford him anymore so I get my hair cut at home. Also, Patrick at Bang on U St is great, but he only works weekdays which is when I also work. I’ve also seen a lot of great work from Parlour salon on U St – right above my eyebrow woman.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      I really like PR @ Partners for hair. They have locations all over town, and their web site describes the stylists and their strong suits. I like the one at Mazza Gallery because its open on Saturdays and the parking is free with a stamp from Nordstroms – they ticket for street parking on Saturdays. And that describes my hair exactly!

    • If you’re willing to look past the fact she works at a Bubbles, I see Lisa at the Bubbles on K Street. I also have weirdly textured hair and it’s currently cut fairly short. She’s amazing, I’ve referred quite a few people to her who have all been really happy. Awesome price for a cut in this area too!

    • emvee

      Thanks for the suggestions! I’ll let you know where I end up!

    • I also have that kind of hair. It’s especially awesome when one side looks fantastic and the other side looks like I was somehow involved in a crazy lightening strike or something.
      But! Now I have hair wizards who get it. Nate, at Immortal Beloved, is a genius. I don’t know how he does what he does but my hair always looks good even in between cuts now.

    • Monica at PR & Partners (metro center) is amazing. I have hair like you described and she’s worked her magic for 6+ years now!

    • Evan at Randolph Cree is so great. He’s expensive but is great for a once a year hair cut/shape that I have maintained every few months at the Aveda school.

  • Rant: this woman I was messaging with on Tinder and Kakaotalk straight ghosted on me. No explanation, nothing! I thought we had chemistry. Oh well.
    Rave: whoever invented the shower. Well done.
    Rave: whoever first conditioned air. Huzzah to you, long dead inventor!
    Rave: a friend’s girlfriend is encouraging my friend to get into some sort of photography business with me. We’ll be doing some free (LinkedIn-style) portraits in Rock Creek in the not-so-distant future to hone our skills and get the word out.

  • Rant: If women get to wear skirts in the office why can’t men wear shorts? Seriously. There is no difference other than the basic shape, and in many cases skirts can be even more unprofessional. Is it because men set the original dress codes and just wanted to see women wearing less? That’s the only reason I can think of.

    • One of my biggest life peeves is when I see women wearing skirts or dresses which are unprofessionally short (but not necessarily intentionally?) during my commute. Usually, but not always coupled with on-the-town heels. I would be mortified to show up to work like that.

      • I agree!
        I once had a laundry emergency and ended up wearing a flowery dress that was a little shorter than I would have liked, but I made sure to wear pretty opaque tights under it, and flats, so as not to draw extra attention.

        • Solidarity! I’m taller than average, and I have no problem finding appropriate length garments that aren’t at all dowdy, so it just baffles me. Also, laundry crises are the worst, but you did good with that strategy!

          • It’s not always about finding appropriate length items, it’s what happens when you get older, gain weight, and then things don’t fit as they used to. Some people never reconsider their wardrobe or admit that they need to update it.

          • Point taken, Jeslett. I’m much more sympathetic to those situations. But it’s the 20-somethings who seem to be the main culprits, and who (generally speaking) appear to not draw a line between a weekend going-out dress from Zara and workday attire. Grrrr!

          • I agree, there are some straight up poor choices young and old.
            I saw a director at my company who’s a woman in her late 50s wearing leggings. LEGGINGS. That’s not okay no matter what day of the week it is or who you have meetings with.

          • It makes me sad when women judge another woman’s appearance. Her APPEARANCE, for pity’s sake.
            That director at your company? Did she do anything to earn her position as a director? Why are we talking about her CLOTHES? I can’t think of anything less interesting or relevant about a person.

          • wdc, from my standpoint, it’s coming from the fact that as I was commuting today, the girl on the escalator steps right in front of me was wearing a dress so short, she was flashing her underwear to all of us behind her. And there’s no question that she was on her way into the office. I would be uncomfortable if she worked in my office. That’s what I’m commenting on. As for the leggings, I equate it to showing up to work wearing thick tights. It makes those of us exposed to it uncomfortable. To your point below about audience appropriate, I completely agree. It just so happens that I feel there’s a minimum threshold for what’s generally acceptable.

          • It makes you uncomfortable. Please tell me you see the danger in that statement.

          • I understand what danger you see in it, yes. I maintain, if I can literally see up your skirt on my way to work, or at work, or at a bar, or pretty much anywhere out and about in the world, I’m uncomfortable with that. But, if it’s okay so long as the person at hand is comfortable with it…to each their own.

          • justinbc

            I agree with WDC here. If I were President the first thing I would do is start showing up to meetings in sweat pants, so that the rest of the country learned to relax a little bit. We all take this dress code stuff entirely too serious. You should wear what makes you comfortable, and I guarantee it will increase your productivity. If someone else’s attire makes you uncomfortable and you can’t focus then stop looking at them!

          • Now that would be something! I don’t disagree with either of your viewpoints, but when a piece of your attire is your underwear, and I have to actively avert my eyes to not see it – no bueno. That being said, underwear is at least much better than freeballing (or, the female equivalent). *Politely bows out.*

          • Yes, I fully admit that I get judgy about clothing choices. But these are choices the woman is making, it’s not her actual appearance, which is not a choice. I think you have to make good choices when you get dressed to go to work because that’s reflective of more than your appearance. Yes, she earned her position, but she earned it at a place where leggings aren’t appropriate and I find it hard to believe she doesn’t know that. There are places where that’s fine and there are parts of my company where people dress in jeans every day, but I still think leggings are a bridge too far.
            Of course there are more important things about people than what they’re wearing. But it’s also a quick way to get some surface level information about someone.

          • Ok, but you’re still trying to control another person based on your (totally subjective) comfort level, rather than simply altering your own behavior. As I tell my kids, You are not in charge of others. You are in charge of you.

          • I’m not trying to control anyone. She’s in charge of her decisions and I respect that. I’m in control of my reaction to it.
            This has nothing to do with my comfort level. Her leggings don’t make me feel uncomfortable, they make me feel like she chooses not to dress appropriately for work. The casual workplace revolution hasn’t reached our suburban, conservative workplace yet, so it’s pretty clear cut that it’s not appropriate, especially because Justin inspired me to look at our dress code and neither spandex nor “form fitting pants” are allowed.

          • wdc, I’m honestly wondering what you would tell your kids if they shared with you that during the course of their school day they could easily see their teacher’s underwear (or, lack thereof, god forbid!) because the dress she wore to work was that short. The choices we all make affect those around us, so where should we draw the line? What do you think your response would be in such a scenario? I’m not trying to come off as crotchety (hell yes, pun intended!), but I’m curious about the perspective of those who are not as offended/uncomfortable as I am about such things.

          • My post was meant for thismoi, who gave his/her OWN comfort as a reason why women shouldn’t wear short dresses or leggings.
            I’m arguing that every wardrobe choice is as valid and acceptable as every other. Sure, I roll my eyes as the women who’ve mistaken 11am for 11pm, and the men who’ve mistaken their office for their frat house. But I know how to separate the superficial from the substantial.
            What grates my cheese is women who judge other women for their appearance (choice or otherwise) outside of the relevant context. I’m assuming that if Director Leggings were prone to bad decisions, or if her wardrobe choices affected her work, she wouldn’t be a director. So to call her out for that one time that she wore something you didn’t approve of, that did not affect her performance, is just petty, and another example of artificial challenges women face. As often as not, it’s women putting up these new and ever-changing barriers. Focus on the work, not on the clothes. Be better than that.

          • I didn’t read through this whole debate but:
            The woman who I can see her underwear would only make me uncomfortable to the extent that I would be *embarrased* and concerned for her. She can do whatever she wants, and if she wants creepy men in the metro or at the office oogling or commenting that’s fine… but I’m going to assume women generally would like to avoid this….

          • Oops, I’m NOT arguing that every wardrobe choice is as valid as every other.
            thismoi, it’s happened! Kid saw her teacher’s underwear (above a low-cut waistband). She told me about it, I said, Has that ever happened to you? She said yes. I said, What did you do? She said, I pulled up my pants and hoped no one noticed, and that no one would say anything. I asked what the teacher did. She said, Same as me, I guess.
            And that was the end of the conversation. It’s really only as a big a deal as you make it. My elementary school aged kids get this.

      • emvee

        I often pair the too-short-for-the-office dresses with a pencil skirt and just turn them into a nice top. Cheap? Absolutely. Doubling my wardrobe? You bet.

    • Blithe

      Because: Bermuda?

    • In any office I manage, folks can wear whatever they want PROVIDED it is audience appropriate. If it’s just us in the office, no meetings, pffft you can come in your PJs for all I care. Just please don’t flash the interns with your naughty bits. But if we’re having visits from funders, you have to dress they way they want you to dress, which sucks for everyone, but there it is.
      Problem is, people aren’t good at knowing what audience appropriate is. Or at keeping track of meetings. Which is where I grudgingly admit that a uniform, I mean dress code, is not the worst thing in the world.

    • images.bwbx.io/cms/2014-06-09/0609_jcrew_shorts_inline_630.jpg

      • Yeah, that’s just silly. And a good way to have no one in the office take you seriously.
        This is an office, not an AC/DC concert.

      • palisades

        Yeah jcrew and other places have been trying to make this a thing for a while. Honestly, if I didn’t get laughed out of the office for wearing them, I totally would. I just want some air and sun on my legs. It really is odd men can’t wear anything other than pants.

        • justinbc

          It doesn’t have to be a suit, that’s part of the problem. Just some shorts and a button up would look perfectly fine in most offices if people would get their outdated ideologies out of their minds.

          • palisades

            I want to bring back the zipper pants. Come into work wearing pants, get a little hot, and unzip the bottom half of my pants! Voila! Shorts. Oh, a client is coming in? Zip back up to pants!

      • I saw someone speak on a panel wearing one of those short suits yesterday. I guess when you’re a big enough deal you can get away with it.

    • Get yourself some nice linen or seersucker pants. Obviously this isn’t the same thing as shorts, but as a man you already get completely clear dress codes for appearing professional. You don’t want to enter our professional wardrobe standards minefield, even if the breeze is better here.

      • justinbc

        That brings up an interesting side question. Has anyone ever worked somewhere where they were given an actual dress code? I’ve only ever just known it to be a presumption, never explicitly seen one written out. I’m curious if there are places where this is an actual thing. Like, what would happen if I just said F it and showed up wearing shorts one day? Could I be sent home? Reprimanded at my performance appraisal?

        • I just pulled out my employee handbook and there is a short list of things that are unacceptable. Including jeans– which everyone wears on Fridays. There doesn’t seem to be an explicit penalty in place for those who break the dress code (apparently all of us).

          I worked a holiday season at Abercrombie & Fitch in high school. Now THAT was a dress code!

        • Emmaleigh504

          I have, they weren’t office jobs. If someone came in in the wrong attire they would be sent home to change, or sent home for the day (no pay). My current job has “guidelines” which are pretty much, business casual, don’t show too much skin, keep clean, don’t take your shoes off. Also, think long and hard before getting visible tattoos. I the reason they added that one 🙂

        • Blithe

          Yes. It wasn’t strictly enforced in my program though. I don’t remember all of the details, but for a first offense, you would get “counseled” on the policy by your supervisor. The consequences for additional offenses were spelled out in the employee handbook.

        • I actually did once work a retail job where the condition of not wearing hose was having a pedicure. At the same place I was once yelled at because my shirt failed to cover my back while crawling under a cabinet to retrieve something when the store wasn’t even open. I ignored it because seriously, that’s a high bar for shirt length and it wasn’t an issue with normal movement.
          But, what I meant about dress code wasn’t literal, “is there a dress code in your employee handbook?” it was more the social norms surrounding levels of dress. Business formal, business casual, black tie, cocktail, etc. all have pretty specific and narrow meanings for men. There is a lot more variation for women in each of those categories and that causes a lot of the issues that we’re talking about here.

        • I used to direct orientation programs for volunteers going overseas and participants were told to wear business casual to the program. But realized we needed to spell out what was meant by business casual – too many were showing up in very casual/not appropriate attire.

        • I Dont Get It

          When I was in banking we definitely had a dress code and you could be sent home for violating it.

    • Sure. Just shave your legs, get pedicures, and make $.78 to the dollar. Now you can wear shorts and all is fair.

        • If you find it tedious to hear about, imagine how absolutely infuriating it is to live it every day and then hear men whine about how unfair the workplace is to them.

          Or imagine being a woman of color, for whom the pay gap is significantly worse.

          Pretty sure most women would gladly wear trousers if that magically conveyed equal rights.

          • I’ll consider myself lucky to work in an environment where everyone makes the same at the same level. The previous one did too.
            -Your local woc

          • justinbc

            Government jobs (probably the biggest employer in this area) have a printed payscale that doesn’t care if you’re male or female, and you better believe the EEO folks will be all over your ass if there’s a hint of hiring discrimination.

          • Emmaleigh504

            It’s so infuriating. And yes, Anon Spock, you are very lucky if everyone at the same level gets the same pay. You have a unicorn job.

          • palisades

            Tedious wouldn’t be the right word. More like unnecessary.
            Also, did you just contradict yourself and admit that pants make no difference in the gender-equality workplace conversation? thank you for admitting that. Because it’s true. They’re just archaic social norms that will change with time.

          • I wonder how much the wage gap comes from inexperience. A govt librarian female applied for her job at a lower grade than she qualified for, so when they brought in a man he made almost the same even though she had more experience/degree. Maybe the system could help with this by just putting you where you belong.

      • So girls who don’t do the former 2 don’t get to wear shorts? Where is my fashion police ticket book for every lesbian event. LOL

      • gertie_wickler

        CHGal…this is the BEST comment I’ve ever read on this blog. Period. End of story.

    • Everyone wore skirts at one point… Men used to wear heels until they came to their senses. You also have to wear nooses around your necks daily so there’s that… Stop bitching and start a revolution

  • Anonynon

    Rave: People on this blog are funny
    Rave: When is that HH that is coming up?

  • Rant: when are the grownups going to start sharing dating stories?
    Rave: I don’t have to play reindeer games

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: This gorgeous, warm humid weather. The air is giving me a hug.
    Rant: So much stress.
    Rave: This afternoon, I will partake of the therapy of my people: a nice cup of tea. It works wonders. The 2nd Earl Grey is my personal hero.
    Rave: Short work week and spending the weekend with friends at the alma mater, which is a lovely little bubble of feminism and cookies.

  • Rave: Able to do French homework. I finally understand some of what I’m reading!
    Rant: acid reflux last nigh. I was left with about 3 hours of sleep.
    Rant: My psychiatrist will stop taking my insurance as of July. I’m already looking for a therapist which is stressful enough. Now I have to look for a psychiatrist too?
    Rave: Mom is coming for my birthday at the end of the month and I’m looking forward to a week of shopping, sightseeing and good cooking.

  • Rant: Had a mammogram in April (my second; I’m 42), which found “calcifications.” Went back for another mammogram so they could take images of that one area, and now they’re recommending a biopsy. So, I’m getting a breast biopsy at the end of May. Apparently calcifications are “usually” benign, but can also be a sign of cancer. My brain has skipped right over the “usually benign” part and has gone right to panicking about surgery, chemo, radiation, losing hair, etc. Freaking out.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      I had this as well in two places, one was benign and one was DCIS – ductal cancer in situ. It was so early and small that I opted for a lumpectomy with radiation. And then I got laid off with one day’s notice and broke up with my boyfriend of 8+ years. Oh well, c’est la vie. Good luck and I hope you have a good technician for your biopsy (mine sucxed).

      • I was reading recently that the thinking is starting to change for ductal carcinoma in situ — apparently those tumors grow at such a glacial rate that they can usually be left alone, rather than treated.

        • anonymouse_dianne

          Mine turned out to be 1% invasive, so Stage 1 instead of the initial diagnosis of Stage 0. Stage 0 is probably what you read about. Stage 1 Rx is the radiation. My lymph nodes were clear. Others opt for a mastectomy to avoid radiation. I read somewhere that if the cancer comes back, it is better to have it in the breast than in the chest wall – which is where it ends up after a mastectomy. I’ve been NED since (2007) and just this February was taken off tamoxifen.

    • My mother had the same thing. I remember being in the doctor’s office with her when she found out. It was benign, but it was a little scary to hear especially as a kid.

    • Sorry to hear you’re going through this, jerdingr. Is there a family member or close friend who can go with you to the biopsy appointment? My mom was in that “freak out” mode leading up to the biopsy and I think bringing me to the appointment helped her feel a bit more positive and comfortable. Hoping for the best for you.

      • My husband’s going with me, so that’s good. It will help to have him there, but I’m still worrying.

        I guess on the bright side, if it isn’t benign, it’s very small (like, no actual lump that can be felt). But still: ARGH!

        • Oh good, I’m glad he will be there for you. Keep us posted (if you’re comfortable doing so of course) and I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way.

    • Aw I’m sorry! Lots of positive thoughts!!

    • Emmaleigh504

      I’m sorry. Sending you virtual hugs.

  • Rant: Had a mole removed recently, and the biopsy came back today – abnormal. They said that the cells they tested around it were on the normal end and that they think they caught it all. Will have to go back in six months to possibly have more cut away and tested.
    Rave: I’m so thrilled that they caught it so early. I never see doctors, and this was my first trip to a dermatologist ever, I thought it was totally useless. Now I’m making appointments for a physical and other stuff I should probably not neglect.
    Rant: Have to be super careful about using sunscreen this summer now. No more tanning for me when it gets cold, either.

    • Glad they got it early. For doctors, I always try to get my monies worth from insurance and not delaying to check nagging problems because you never know.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I’m glad they caught it early! I am a sunscreen fanatic, so I”m going to lecture you a wee bit: wear sunscreen every day! Even in winter.
      Sending you virtual hugs too.

      • Do you have sunscreen recs? I know I need to wear it but I have really sensitive skin and anything with SPF in it makes my skin burn/sting and it really hurts. :-/ I feel like I’ve tried every sensitive skin SPF product out there with no luck!
        Glad they caught it early, eggs!

        • Maybe whole foods or similar beauty person could recommend something for you?

        • I think Allison has sensitive skin and has found a sunscreen that works for her… I don’t see her on RRRR today, but try asking her next time you see her on PoPville.
          I don’t really like the feeling of sunscreen on my face, so I try to get around it by wearing a hat if I’m outdoors in summer.

          • Emmaleigh504

            sunscreen and a hat is better! And sunscreen for EVERYONE not just the pale pasty folks. Sunscreen keeps wrinkles and cancer away! (mostly)

          • Farragut

            Not sure if you’ll see this, but Allison is out of town this week, visiting her family in Oregon.

          • I’ll try to remember to ask Allison about sunscreen next week! Thanks, Farragut.

        • I’ve had a few moles removed and I’m a sunscreen fanatic. Shiseido makes the best sunscreen for the face. It doesn’t burn or sting your eyes or make your face shiny. It’s pricy but it lasts a long time. I buy mine at Sephora.

          • Sadly, I’ve tried Shiseido sunscreen (though in Japan and not here, so I wonder if the ingredients are slightly different?) and it still made my skin sting. 🙁 Someone suggested tear-free/sting-free SPF for babies so I might have to try that next… sigh.

        • Emmaleigh504

          I use oil of olay moisturizer with sunscreen daily, but for longer in the sun days I use a sunscrren by nutragena. I don’t have sensitive skin, but I have a sensitive nose. Oil of Olay doesn’t smell.
          @Pixie I’ve had moles removed too (not cancerous thank heavens) and I’ve been religiously slathering sunscreen on since I was 15! Not fair! Now I’ve added a sun hat to my fight, but only in the summer and only in the afternoon if I’m not going somewhere after work, b/c I’m vain.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Have you tried Clarins? They are supposed to have good suncscreen.

          • I have. And the others you mentioned too. Clinique also stings. I’m convinced that I’m allergic to SPF and I just can’t wear sunscreen (and I look terrible in hats! Womp womp). 🙁

          • Emmaleigh504

            Clinic burns my skin too. It’s their formula.

        • Emmaleigh504

          Maybe you need a barrier sunscreen, not chemical. QZ is always talking about barrier sunscreens b/c the chemical ones burn her skin.

          • Oh, I have no idea what that means. Will google now. Thanks!

          • Emmaleigh504

            All the brands I mentioned burn Quotia Zelda too. Maybe she’ll show up with the kind of barrier sunscreen she uses. I’ll poke her.

          • +1,000 I’ve never tried barrier ones (haven’t needed to yet) but I know they’re catching on more and are getting easier to find!
            I plan to invest in a nice expensive BB/CC cream with SPF in it now for daily wear!

        • Blithe

          I once used a powder sunscreen by Peter Thomas Roth. It was very light and, at least for me, not irritating. I’ve also been happy with Neutrogena sunscreen for the face (oil free), but I’m guessing that you’ve already tried that.

      • I’m going to get better about it I promise!!

  • Rant: Uber driver who obviously got a fare, and decided to pull the classic DC u-turn from the far right lane across multiple lanes of traffic. He obviously didn’t bother to check his blind spot on the left, where our car was following the rules and continuing to drive straight. To add insult to injury, he tried to pay us $100 cash to not call his insurance and report the accident (we just bought our car new two months ago).

    Rave: Awesome civilian who captured the driver’s license plate when it looked like he was not going to stop, and made sure to text the picture to us. Thank you!!

    • albany

      Sorry that you got hit, glad you got his information – kudos to the good Samaritan. Personally, I like to refer to the u-turn maneuver as a ‘DC Left.’

  • That One Guy

    How do people read/respond to these and manage to do work?

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