Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user nevermindtheend

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

248 Comment

  • Rave: Still really giddy about my date this past weekend. Maybe overly excited to hear when we’re going on the next one? We were both definitely interested in having a next one. I’ll plan to ask if he doesn’t suggest a time/date in the next day or two.
    Rant: Really daydreamy and having trouble focusing at work. [Then again, this could also just be my “crash” after handing in my last final yesterday!]
    Rant: Weird headache that’s sort of a migraine but not really a migraine.

    • Additional Rant: There are days I would kill to have my old robotic paper-pushing, work-by-yourself, leave-when-your-8-hours-is-up job back. Today is one of those days.

    • Re: your headache. Did you drink extra coffee (possibly for finals) and inadvertently cut back? Could be a mild caffeine withdrawal headache.

      • I thought of that, but I’ve been drinking roughly the same amount — I actually drank a little extra this morning just in case, but it just made me jittery :[

        • Allison

          Have you tried taking your blood pressure? When I get a headache that kind of sits around for a couple days, and feels the worst where the back of my head meets my neck, it’s usually a sign that I have high blood pressure. Maybe from the finals stress and drinking the extra coffee.

      • I occasionally have headaches that feel like migraines but are actually allergy-related (blocked Eustachian tube, apparently). If the headache isn’t responding to your usual migraine medicine, try taking some decongestant (even though you probably don’t feel congested) and antihistamine.

        • Actually, this could totally be it because it’s more towards the front of my head, sort of behind my eyes. I’ll take an extra dose of allergy medicine later and see what happens. Thanks, textdoc.

          • Good luck! Make sure to take decongestant, too — if you do have a blocked Eustachian tube, you’ll need the decongestant to unblock it.
            The ones I have are in the same location as my migraines (left side of my head). The first time I had one it was so bad that I was in bed for a week solid (except for going to the doctor) and was beginning to wonder if it was a brain tumor.

          • Allison

            Also, make sure your glasses/contacts prescription is up-to-date, or if you don’t have one, maybe see an optometrist. I suffered through several months of headaches behind my eyes before I realized it was eye strain and I desperately needed reading glasses!

          • I have a very similar headache today, behind my eyes and around the front of my head. Perhaps it is allergies.

        • Good advice. But also take mucus thinner – guaifenesin. So when the decongestants and antihistamine work, the stuff is actually thin enough to drain. Learned to take all three – the D, the antihistamine, and the mucus thinner from a sinus doc. Now find I find I never need a decongestant if I start taking guaifenesin and do sinus irrigation at the beginning of stuffiness. Just occasionally an antihistamine at times like this when pollen is clearly the instigating factor.

  • Rave/Rant: Got an oddly large adjusted tax refund yesterday and not 100% sure why….called the accountant, but since tax season is over, he’s not always around. So, yay money….ugh, why?
    Rant: Landlord is trying to back out of paying for our hotel room when we vacated due to the mice. Saying it’s not her responsibility. But technically, it is since she knew there was SOME sort of critter prob before we moved in – downstairs neighbor brought it to her attention before we moved in and she shrugged it off. Going on 3 months, and there’s still the occasional ‘evidence’ and she’s still slow rolling. I’m not sure WHY this is so difficult to deal with.
    Rave: Our tenants will never have to deal with this type of incompetence.
    Rave: Due to popular request offline, I started a Kids of Popville google group (please join: [email protected] ) – the goal is to share info without bothering dan, be a little more focused than the local list serves, which have a lot of geographical and age difference than POPville tends to be, and even have POPville play dates. So please join us!

    • Emmaleigh504

      I have dreams of some of the Popville kids that meet at the Popvill playdate will grow up, fall in love, and have a popville wedding. Then they can add their kids the Popville playdate… 🙂

    • Prince Of Petworth

      I tried to join and it said the group doesn’t exist 🙁

    • Allison

      Aw man I didn’t need any more incentives to want kids, and now I have yet another! Stupid career and lack of money. 🙁

      • Allison

        Doesn’t help that I watched the movie Baby Mamma (Tina Fey and Amy Poehler) on Sunday.

      • justinbc

        Don’t worry, given that it’s the internet I’m sure someone will come along with a group full of disincentives.

      • I can say this as a couple that makes a pretty good living and planned to the T – you’re never ready and there’s never a right time. I love my child, but if I’d been able to do this at age 30 vs. 33, I think I’d have been more emotionally and physically available to care for him (because it’s EXHAUSTING)

    • Re: renting rant…I think this is hard because while rodents are certainly unpleasant they usually don’t rise to level of making apartment uninhabitable, regardless of whether they were present before or after you took possession. Unless something like this was in the lease, and you didn’t get permission ahead of time (and have it memorialized in writing), it’ll probably be a little difficult to show that you were within your rights to go to a hotel. It sounds like this woman is kind of a jerk though and so maybe you should talk to the Tenant Advocate about your situation.

      • Rodents can certainly make an apartment unlivable.

      • …there was mouse crap under my son’s crib. Breathing in mouse poop is a health hazard. DC law states that it needs to be free of them before you move in. Additionally, we were doing our best to minimize the expense to her (found a good room for a good price), and with the house empty, she was able to come and go and she pleased to try to deal with the problem. But now, with the problem still…a problem….she comes every few days to do nothing but act like she’s doing something. She’s a jerk. We can move, but that’s another $$$$$ issue. She also can’t then go rent it out because – again – there’s a rodent problem. we informed her in February, killed 6 mice, and there’s still an issue. At some point, she has to admit the problem is more than she can handle – they’re in the walls and vents (and we are therefore still exposed to the crap) – if it were my place, I’d open a wall here and there and investigate. Making the tenant responsible to CLEARING an infestation that was there before they moved in is BS.

  • Rave: I managed to sneak away from the computer long enough yesterday to rip up all of the old daffodils in the front yard and plant new flowers. I think my gardening project is now complete.
    Rant: Early morning work crisis call for my wife. Never a great way to start the day. At least we’ve now got a routine in place for how to deal with it.
    Rave: Early morning call = early quitting time for both of us. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we can sit outside for a private happy hour tonight.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rave: Finally thought of a good birthday present for my dad!
    Rant: His birthday is in April and I forgot to call him this year.
    Rave: He’ll be here in June for Oldest Zelda’s graduation. We were already planning to do summer birthdays then, so he’ll get his at the collective party.
    Hopeful: Maybe Quatia Zelda will make a tres leche cake for the occasion…

  • RAVE: GO CAPS!!!!!! (take that Rangers & your refusal to use capital letters)
    RAVE: rat caught yesterday & no evidence of more this morning–>day care operating today! (We’ll see how this plays out, but I’ll celebrate a rat free morning any day) BTW–for those that asked yesterday, closing day care when there’s evidence of rats/mice/etc is a no-brainer because of the public health threat. I just couldn’t believe there was a rat issue in the first place. Ewww.
    Rant: Slept like crap last night. I was already tired yesterday. So tired today.
    Rave: because it bears repeating: GO CAPS!!!!

    • I’m not surprised there were rats – there are more rats than you realize around us all the time in DC – I see them on the sidewalks, in the front yards, in the garbage room of the nice condo buildings I’ve lived in. I ask have this theory that small children draw rodents – I don’t know if it is the food being left around or smeared around by kids, or diaper trash around, but I’ve noticed one following the other on occasion.

    • Accountering

      Yes! What a game! Wondering how much longer tickets will stay affordable. Managed to find 4th row upper center for $84 yesterday.
      Rant: Last home caps game I can go to until the SC. Work thing tomorrow, then little brothers college graduation this weekend, and then two weeks in Greece with Andie and my family so will miss the entire Eastern Conference Finals if we make it!
      Rave: We are ALL big Caps fans, and will find a way to watch the games in Greece, despite it being 7 hours ahead of EST!

      • There were still tickets available through the official Caps site like 2 days ago. Prices were better than Stubhub, so I picked up a pair to game 6.

  • skj84

    Rant: I’m wearing a suit and roasting in it. How do grown ups do this everyday? 😉

    Rave: It does look good on me.

    • back in the day, my dad only had one suit to wear for interviews when he had graduated college – in DC, in July….and it was wool. And he had poison ivy.

    • haha it isnt that bad at all once you get used to it
      only thing i kinda dislike is a long walk in a suit in the heat of summer
      everything else is pretty bearable

    • As long as you can get away with arriving to and leaving work in shorts and sandals, it’s pretty tolerable. I’m all about changing at the office.

    • Try being a guy and having to do it every day. At least women get to wear skirts and enjoy a breeze most days.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Happy Cinco de Rhino!

    • Haha, any place worth “celebrating” tonight?

      • Emmaleigh504

        Not anywhere nearby. I was supposed to make rhino shapped cookies for work, but got my days mixed up. I thought Wed was the 5th. : \
        I’ll keep you posted for Bowling for Rhinos events that are close. I think the Maryland Zoo does Bowling for Rhinos.

  • laduvet

    Rave: This weather and all the blooming flowers!!!
    Rave: calm week… getting myself “centered” with lots of outdoor activities and home cooking!
    Rave: becoming more comfortable with the fact I cannot control all the fine details to prepare for London.

  • Rant: Cancer. Need for two organs transplanted. Extreme anxiety.

    Rave: Feeling a bit more centered, ready to jump back in and support those around me going through so much.

    Rave: Found and ordered these incredible cards that so adequately sum up what my loved ones are going through.

    “Please let me be the first to punch the next person who tells you everything happens for a reason”
    “When life gives you lemons I won’t tell you a story about my cousin’s friend who died of lemons”
    and my personal favorite:
    “I promise never to refer to your illness as a “journey”. Unless someone takes you on a cruise”

    • I like those cards! People say the dumbest things.

    • Great cards!!

    • Those are amazing. Where did you find them?

    • Allison

      I look a little askance at people who call it “battling” with cancer and use a bunch of war analogies for it, like calling patients “warriors.” If it’s a source of strength for some people, then I guess it’s okay, but something about it just seems a little off putting to me personally.

      • I know. But whatever works for them, right? My friend who is going through this is pretty against support groups – she’s not a “joiner” or looking to “survive” or “battle” anything – she wants the cancer out of her and that’s that. Trying to respect that and steer clear of those mindsets in supporting her.

      • Emmaleigh504

        I hate it, too. It’s a little too close to saying good morale people will win and go into remmisson, but the people that cancer kills didn’t fight hard enough, weren’t boot-strappy enough. But like you said, if it helps the sick person, have it. But if I get cancer nobody better say that about me!

  • Rave: Making birthday plans.
    Rave: Nitpicky manager is out of town and everything is so relaxing.
    Rant: Apartment hunting. Everything is so expensive and there seem to be a lot of places with less than 400 square feet. Who can live in a space that tiny?
    Rave: The upcoming wedding of two old friends. Dealing with the dating end of things, I sometimes forget how great it can be when a relationship really works out. So excited for them.

    • honestly, it depends on the layout. My first place, which we just sold, was 500 incl a balcony, but the layout was a very good use of the space. I have a friend who has a small place but a really, really nice custom murphy bed. You just have to be creative sometimes!

      • 500 square feet is reasonable-I think of that as an average-sized city apartment. I’m seeing 360 square foot apartments, and not for any discounted rate, either. If I’m paying $1500+, I would at least like some space to move around in and to not have to get rid of all of my furniture.

    • Yeah, I also hate looking at small apartments. If you want more space, you often have to pay for it by moving further out then you want, accepting worse renovations (like worn 70s kitchens), or just paying a lot more – it’s all about the tradeoffs.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I can! I love my wee apartment. When I first got it I thought I would upgrade after a couple of years, but I found I didn’t need to. (Though if my mom doesn’t stop de-cluttering her house and sending to me, I will have to get a bigger place.)

      • I wouldn’t mind a small space either! It’s just that a lot of the small spaces I’ve seen (that still have a kitchen!) are ~$1500 or more, which is basically what I’m paying now for a ~550sq.ft. 1 bedroom. I’d be happy to take a 300 sq ft space if they wanted to give it to me for $1300 or less 🙂

        • Emmaleigh504

          ah yes. Rent has gone up quite a bit since I got my place. Thank heavens for rent control!

  • Query: Has anybody used or attempted to use Bridj as a commuting option? How was your experience?

    • Right now it only goes from Capitol Hill to Dupont, which is kind of silly. There are plenty of good ways to get there already. If they ever start going to VA I’ll definitely give it a try though.

  • Rant – Saw my sister over the weekend and she seems so depressed and I don’t know how to help her.
    Rave – My nephew turned 4 years old! He’s the cutest. Love that kid.
    Rant – My cold/sinus congestion symptoms will not go away. I’m going on 2 weeks of this crap. Maybe it’s allergies? Although I’ve never had allergies before.
    Question for dog owners – I want to take a take a quick weekend trip somewhere local, but I’m having a hard time finding pet friendly hotels. Where do you like to vacation with your dog?

    • Kimpton hotels are fabulous and wonderfully pet-friendly. A few of their cities are in weekend getaway range. We recently stayed at the new Monaco in Pittsburgh, and will probably do a weekend in Philly in the near future.

    • We found a ton of pet-friendly hotels in the Ocean City and Killdevil Hills area when we were looking for a Memorial Day getaway.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      I have stayed at the Hotel Madera and they welcome dogs. La Quinta is dog friendly and I have friends who have stayed there and that is the hotel Tia Torres uses with her pit bulls.

    • Check out bringfido dot com
      My sister & her husband take their dog to St Michaels for vacation – outside of having dog friendly accomodations it is a beautiful spot.

    • Residence Inns are also pet friendly

  • Rave: Love how having a job interview scheduled for later this week has me in a great mood. Even though I obviously may not get the job (I’m sure I’m not the only one they are interviewing) , it is SO nice feeling like this long search may finally be over if I land it. Not being used to feeling this good makes me realize what an unhappy slog this has been of late.
    Rant: Gotta go do my usual of sending out a ton more resumes, so as to provide some hope or possible nibbles to mitigate the crash that happens post interview if they 1) are bullying jerks, as happens not infrequently these days or 2) I don’t get the job, or 3) no decision is made on who to hire for weeks or months on end, as is the norm.

  • Question: I’m going to start looking for a therapist/counselor to have a few sessions with, but I have no idea where to start looking to find the right person. Recently experienced a very sudden and tragic loss of a close family member, and I’m just wanting to speak with an objective third party to make sure I’m keeping my head screwed on straight. Prefer someone in DC, and not overly concerned with the insurance element at this stage.

    Talk to me, folks!

    • I am so sorry for your loss and strongly recommend Kristin Heinz, who specializes in grief counseling. She has an office on Dupont Circle and also has very flexible hours for phone or Skype sessions.

    • I saw Ed Honnold a few years ago. He was really great and didn’t make me think I was crazy, even when maybe I was a little bit. He’s downtown.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no recommendation but you could go to the psychology today search function (https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/) and look for someone who specializes in grief therapy. Otherwise, you could look for a compassionate friends support group in the area and see if they have recommendations for people who have suffered your kind of loss. Again, I’m sorry.

      • Thanks very kindly for your thoughts. Navigating uncharted waters here, so any and all info is welcome to help set a course.

        • My best friend’s mom who is also a best friend to me (in her 80’s) is a therapist that I think would be perfect for this. Inciteful, compassionate and experienced but with a good streak of old British “get on with it” attitude that will certainly help you sort things out. She is semi-retired and so I don’t want to post her contact here, but you can email me at vicmck at gmail.

    • The Wendt Center in Van Ness has individual and group counseling, specializing in grief. I joined a group there after my wife died and it was very helpful.

    • Katherine Marshall Woods at the Psychological Group of Washington is amazing. They are located near Farragut Square.

    • I’d recommend the William Wendt Center for Loss and Healing

  • Rave: Finally warm enough at dawn to row without sweats, dawn early enough that most of the workout is in daylight. Great moon followed by a beautiful sunrise.
    Conundrum: Having come out of a thirty year relationship and quickly entered into another LTR, I’m wondering if I should have spent more time getting a little wild. I’m old enough that I have a limited amount of time before I start looking like a grandpa or my health starts going, and God knows being a straight, employed, reasonably fit male willing — eager — to date women (well) over 35 makes me something of a hot commodity, or at least a desirable demographic. On the other hand, why the hell would I risk am extraordinary relationship with an extraordinary woman for a few cheap (ego-boosting) thrills? I guess the grass is always greener….

    • Emmaleigh504

      867-5309 call me!

    • I think we are who we are. If that is what you wanted to do, you’d probably have done it. Not everybody loves sex without emotional entanglement – some people actually prefer them together.

      • Oh but I do love sex without emotional entanglement! 🙂 I guess I just like the tangles — the gossamer filaments of shared sensual and intellectual pursuits pasts that bind us to one another like satin handcuffs in Mr. Grey’s guest room — a lot, too.
        Plus, I’m bad with names.

    • Hey – I’ve met you – I’d be up for wild! But seriously – double extraordinary is double squared reason to try and sort it out. But a little break/flirtation/ego boost might not be a bad idea. Or you could always try Date Lab – for ultimate Popville fodder!

  • Quotia Zelda

    Historical Context: Although my mother is a hippie who did yoga in the 70s, I have never been into yoga. And I pretty much hate yoga people.
    Rant: However, belly dancing has proved that I am the least flexible person on the planet.
    Rave: So I went to a beginners’ yoga class last night and loved it.
    Rave: I’m still not a yoga person, though.

    • Emmaleigh504

      That’s a lot of yoga talk, do I need to schedule an intervention?

    • I could never get in to yoga in the way a lot of people are in to yoga. I did it all through my pregnancy and just saw it as an hour or two a week of self care and a time to appreciate how fortunate I was to be having a healthy/easy pregnancy. I want to start going again (not to prenatal!!), but I just hate the “lets meditate and use breathing” – I just like the stretching. So maybe I need to see it, again, in a different way – “an hour a week of stretching in a room that smells nice”…

    • I’ve been doing yoga for five years, love it, and don’t consider myself a “yoga person.” Here’s my suggestion: do it if you enjoy it and don’t worry so much about the subculture. And don’t talk about it all the time.

    • You don’t have to be a “yoga person” to enjoy the benefits of it sometimes. I’ve never become one, anymore more than I have felt as into other forms of exercise I’ve enjoyed but not been as crazy about as others seem to be.

    • I agree that you don’t need to be a “yoga person” to enjoy yoga or get benefits from it. I enjoy the way it calms me and how good I feel physically afterwards. The chatter/guided meditation can get a little weird, and usually has me fighting to not be the jerk who’s laughing at the instructor in the middle of class.

    • emvee

      Whenever they ask you to set an intention at the beginning of class, mine is always something like, “Get stretchy!”And I nap at the end. I don’t yoga the “correct” way, but damn it’s the correct way for me.

      • Meh, I’m not sure there’s a “correct way” so much as a “correct way for you” and that’s what really matters.

        • I agree with this generally but add that there definitely is a wrong way, which means that you can hurt yourself in yoga if you’re not careful. I don’t necessarily mean anything so dramatic as falling on your head. You can tweak your sacrum or screw up your knees. It’s usually best to follow the instructor and modify as necessary for your abilities. The benefits are worth it–I’m in my 50s and have never had better balance or flexibility.
          Ok, I’m done now lest I actually become a yoga person. Namaste!

      • And when they talk about “energy,” or god forbid, auras, I just roll my eyes up to my third eye point.

  • Rave: Finally remembered to bring a blanket to work today!
    Rant: The fact that it is too cold to function in my office after 2pm and I need to bring in a blanket. Perhaps I’ll suggest company snuggies in the next all staff meeting.
    Rant: Anxious about my dentist appointment tomorrow morning. I hate the dentist.

    • Quotia Zelda

      I also keep a blanket in my office. That and hot tea are all that get me through the day.

    • I just brought one into my office today, too! Now that the weather is nice I want to start wearing skirts and sandals, but wouldn’t dare without some way to keep my legs/feet warm!

    • Hot tea doesn’t do much for me, and it gets cold too quickly anyway. My preferred way of warming up is to run downstairs, take a 10 minute walk outside in the blissful heat, and climb all 11 flights back up to my office. My body stays warm for a while after that.

  • Rant: my school is ignoring teacher appreciation week. It seems like a petty thing to rant about but it’s hard not to feel jealous when I see everything my friends in other schools got.
    Rant: I found a roach this morning and lost my sh.t at 630 am

  • Rave: Weather. I’m going to rave about this forever, EVEN WHEN it’s 95* and muggy as hell. I’d sweat anyday over the freezing.
    Rant: Didn’t see any of my nerd friends for may the fourth.
    Rant: Apparently the new payroll company doesn’t know how to do direct deposit to my new bank account.
    Rave: Finished planting things for now, as I am out of containers. Tomatoes, Squash, azaleas, mint, lavender, violets, and lots and lots of wildflowers. Hope I can remember to water them. 🙂

  • Rant: Not really a rant because who can be upset about wonderful life events but three wonderful life events (graduation, wedding and baby) have put all three usual pet sitters out of commission for the end of May. Does anyone have any awesome, stay at your house pet sitters they could recommend for a dog that doesn’t really like other dogs and has some separation anxiety?

    Rave: Phone interview on Thursday with a consulting firm and a long weekend at Smith Mountain Lake to follow – hiking for days!

  • Rant: Planning a friend’s bachelorette party this weekend, I’ve been dithering over what club to go to for dancing. I’m not familiar with the scene anymore.
    Rant: Bottle service. Crazy prices. Hopefully it’ll be okay if we don’t get it, since we’re all on a budget, but it is more convenient.
    Rave: The rest of the planning is coming together pretty well though! Excited for it.
    Rant: Date that I thought went well on Sunday, I texted after saying I had a good time and would like to see him again, radio silence. 🙁 Little strange since he said at the end he would like to see me again.
    Rave: Spent too much money on retail therapy yesterday, but got a few nice dresses. Trying to freshen up my wardrobe a bit.

    • Oh, forgot one rant: Therapy doesn’t really seem to be helping. I often leave feeling worse than before, and she’s not really offering much in the way of ideas or anything… Considering just ending it.

      • You should definitely try to find someone else. There are lots of different styles — some people it helpful to just talk without much in the way of suggestions, but if it’s not working for you, you should totally keep looking… (This sounds like dating… Oi!)

        • Seconded. If you don’t feel better she’s not a good therapist for you. Assuming of course, this is 2-3 sessions in.

        • Allison

          Yeah, when I personally went to therapy a few years ago, it wasn’t because I wanted the therapist to give me ideas for how to fix what was wrong. Rather, I just needed an objective outlet to “talk out the tears.” After a few months of just blubbering on his couch, I found I was showing up to appointments without anything more to say. And that, at the very end, is when I felt better.

        • The problem is very few therapists take my health insurance, I can’t afford to pay more than my $10 copay really, and my work hours make it difficult to find anyone new. =/ Such a frustrating process… It’s been about 6 sessions with her.

          • Ah, sorry, I feel your pain there. I was looking for about 2 months and the only people that accepted my insurance (with a still-too-high-copay for my budget, really) could only accomodate me mid-morning or mid-afternoon. And I really can’t afford to take that leave from work. So I ended up not going. Meh.

          • Yep, exactly. 🙁

      • Perhaps talk to your therapist about what you would find helpful/what you need.

    • On your dating rant, that is strange. Give him another day. If it’s more than 2 days, safe to assume it might not happen. People are weird.

      • +1 to this. People ARE weird.

        • If he doesn’t message you today, I totally support you messaging him. This is the 21st century.

          • She did message him. She said she would like to see him again. What else should she say? That’s pretty clear.

          • Sorry, I guess I should have been more clear; she should ask him out. Suggest a time and location. If he backs out, but offers a rain check, he’s still interested. Radio silence? he’s not, which sucks, but it’s a pretty clear answer at least.

    • A dude’s perspective: relax on the radio silence. The date was the day before yesterday – that’s not a long time ago. Give it another day or two and don’t make yourself crazy in the meantime. Also I will say that I can see why he may not have responded to your text – it was a statement, not a question, and it sounds like he already told you the same *in person* so it may have seem redundant to do it again via text.

      • I’m not a dude, but I think similarly. This idea that there’s an expectation that you have to set up the next date in x number of days or else it is clear that the person is not interested in seeing you again seems like some strange social code to me – something out of a manual like “the rules” or something. Maybe I’m unconventional, but someone who has those ideas and acts accordingly can be a real turn off to me.

        • Definitely didn’t mean setting up anything else, just some sort of communication. I guess I’ve just gone out with chattier guys recently, so I’ve been used to thanks had fun etc. (usually from the guys, actually) and then a bit later reaching out to plan something.
          Hah, I’m feeling very silly now, but I needed to hear that.

      • That’s definitely true, I guess I’m just used to people saying at least something in response to a message, so that’s what threw me. And I something else as well that was a bit more of a question, but – eh. I haven’t felt strongly about any dates for a while, which was a lot easier to manage!

  • Rant: two of my favorite people in DC are moving away. But not for a month or so!
    Rant: drafting a document for three people who slowly trickle out information to me. It sounds like someone may have done most of this work before, meanwhile I am brand new to the office with no background info… and these people overseeing my work are unwilling to share background info.
    Rave: outside of work projects are steaming along quite nicely. Maybe one day I can make one or two of them profitable.
    Rant: close friend dealing with really rough depression. Medication and therapy doesn’t seem to be working too well. She keeps talking about how life is pointless and it’s selfish of others to hope she keeps living. It sounds like her job is a big reason for why she feels the way she does. I’m kind of at my wit’s end in terms of what I can do to help.

    • Life is pointless, really, for most who aren’t trying to live to raise kids, have a great love in their life that makes them love life, or a great family or close group of friends, or have a job they really love. It is an existential crisis … many realize life is pointless, get used to that, and keep on living for the smaller enjoyments life offers. A job that sucks the life out of you can make those small enjoyments few and far in-between, and the larger ones impossible to get. Encourage her to look for a job.

      • I think you’re conflating ordinary ennui/malaise and clinical depression — FP’s friend is dealing with the latter.
        FP, do you think your friend might do better with a different therapist? If so, perhaps you could help her with the legwork — see who her insurance accepts, who’s taking new patients, etc.?

      • I worry about pinning this on the job (although it very well could be). I read a study recently that said most people talk as though their job is making them depressed or anxious, when often it’s not actually their job at all, but their mental state to begin with. But I agree with dcres — maybe if she can find another job where the work style is different than what she’s doing now (for example, if she’s at a desk job, is there a job she might be interested in that involves less time in cubicles?), it will improve a bit.

        • It really depends on the job – yes, it is true that some people have fine (if boring) jobs that make them miserable, when everybody else tolerates them just fine. Then there are those jobs – certain professions, certain periods of time in the progression of certain professions, certain environment or boss characteristics – that make everybody working there miserable. Sometimes it is clear that it is the job, not the person, and you have to go, while others know they are miserable and choose to stay and be miserable. Other times, everyone else can tolerate stuff just fine and not be miserable, but it isn’t the right job for a particular person – a friend was concerned that they could not handle a job of constantly changing shifts, day and night, so never got sleep – others were ok with it, my friend needed to move on. Jobs where everybody is fine doing totally unethical things because that is what management wants – someone who can’t not be miserable doing that needs to move on, even if others don’t. Just a few examples – I say better to move on when a job isn’t working for YOU.

          • Yes, no, I agree — but I would also hate for the woman to get her hopes up about a new job, only to feel just as miserable. It’s really necessary to figure out what the root of the problem is — job or mental state — and focus on addressing that first. Maybe this is something a therapist could help figure out.

          • I agree with what you wrote below, FridayGirl, but unless one has had a lot of job experiences, sometimes it is hard to know which it is before you get to another job and find you can breathe there. And sometimes it is a combination of job and mental state, so relieving some job stress, if you can, helps with dealing with the ongoing mental state.

          • While it can be hard to tell if it’s the job or not, sometimes just a novel environment can go a long way. I wish there was a better way to treat depression. Best of luck to your friend.

    • Is she actively talking about suicide? ” it’s selfish of others to hope she keeps living” <—-this sounds like a big red flag that should be brought to the attention of her therapist.

      • It could be a red flag, for sure – I’m sure the original poster knows this, and that is why they are concerned.

        It is also could be part of and existential realization that most of most people’s actions are guided by self-interest, that very, very few actions are not. She’s right, is what I’m saying. Can you tell if she is actually suicidal, or just really intellectually realistic about life?

        I know my life is pointless, and that people want me around for their own self-interest (and that these things were always true, even before I knew it), and yet I’ve never, ever been remotely suicidal. I’m just an extreme T (Thinker) on the Myers-Briggs personality scale and so have a hyper-realistic way of looking at the world (being a fairly extreme N (Intuitive) doesn’t help – I just see and know too much stuff that people are happier not knowing.) Which doesn’t make one not depressed – existential crisis can be debilitating – it is just that the cure for that sort of depression cannot be found in a pill, and unfortunately is hard to find in therapy. It is in how one chooses to view the world, one’s place in it, and one’s expectations.

        • With all due respect, I think you’re projecting a bit here. Existential angst is one thing. This person is admitting that meds and therapy aren’t helping and saying ” life is pointless and it’s selfish of others to hope she keeps living.” That sounds like active suicidal ideation, and that is a mental health emergency. Very few people I have known who have talked that way did not a) have a plan on how to do it b) seriously consider doing it on a very frequent basis. Sometimes those comments are all the cry for help they are capable of giving, so ignoring them is extremely dangerous.

        • I didn’t suggest it should be ignored – I asked if they could tell if the person was suicidal or not. Clearly the friend who wrote here is concerned.

          I was just pointing out that that there ARE plenty of people who know their life is pointless and that people are mainly selfish (I suspect the percentage increases with age and experience), and that if the friend isn’t suicidal (yes, of course that must be addressed if it is the case), then a friend can find ways to encourage moving from a bad job (I’ve encouraged people to do so when miserable, successfully, as have people for me). Sometimes it really isn’t you, it’s the job – the friend wrote that they suspect that.

          • FP didn’t write that the job was the sole source of the friend’s woes — just that it was a major part of it.
            As I said before, I think you’re conflating ordinary ennui/malaise and clinical depression. The problem isn’t that FP’s friend is reading too much Nietzsche/Sartre/Camus and putting on an affectation of anomie as a result — FP’s friend is sick with a serious mental illness.

    • I don’t know who her therapist is. I also do not know who her insurer is.
      Fitting with dcres’s point, she views her negative view of life – nothing worth living for – as exceedingly rational.
      Textdoc, yes, clinical.

      • So, encourage her to find little things to live for, maybe planning some things with her (a concert? a dinner party? a day trip? whatever works for her) to look forward to. Like crumbs in a forest … if you do enough of those, sometimes you can distract yourself from life’s pointlessness and at least enjoy your life sometimes.

        When I’m in a miserable job, just updating my resume and starting an active job search makes me feel better – like yes, I have a great resume, and yes, there may be light at the end of this particular tunnel.

        • Yes, that’s been the plan. I’ve been trying to get her to actively make choices that will make her happy – like, do you want to stay in bed today like you said or do you want to go for a hike? I am not a therapist, but continuing to choose things that make her happy seems like a good idea. I just wish she had more friends!

          • You are doing good for her and being a good friend! And if she likes hiking and outdoors stuff, that is the best stuff to do when miserable at work.

            It is hard when friends are depressed and they don’t have a lot of other friends – it can be a bit of a burden – I’ve been there. I isn’t easy to make more friends when you are depressed – it is easier when you feel better.

            I never feel as good and positive and in friend-making mode as when I leave a bad job and just start a new one. But then, I’m in a profession notorious for making miserable people. And I got into it late, so I know it is the profession, as I never felt that way on any job before I was in this profession. Sometimes, a more radical change than a job change is needed. (I’m still working on that one.) But changing jobs can give you breathing room for awhile.

          • Emmaleigh504

            It’s difficult to change jobs when you are actually depressed and not disatisfied with your current job/life.. There’s resume to fix, the job to search for, emails to send. That’s the easy stuff to overcome. If an interview is arranged then there are the herculian tasks of getting out of bed, showering, finding clean appropriate clothes, and worst of all going out of the house to talk to strangers. Clinical depression makes every day life very difficult.

          • Just remembered I have a friend decades ago who was only garden variety depressed, in therapy, and on anti-depressants, who only after she attempted suicide and was briefly committed was diagnosed as bipolar, and put on lithium, which changed her life dramatically for the better – went on to career and relationship success quite quickly after that. She got her first really good shrink during her commitment after the attempt, who was also the first to actually address the sexual abuse as a child, which also helped a lot. Apparently one can be bipolar without noticeable highs, just lows. And there are a lot of not so great therapists out there who talk and prescribe antidepressants. Perhaps an upgrade in shrink could help, though not sure how you’d address that.

          • Emmaleigh504

            “only garden variety depressed” I don’ t think you know very much about depression and should stop pontificating.

          • You’re not worth responding to – there are standards for respect for posting on here that you might consider when you next attempt to bully someone.

            I meant (clearly) that no one, not her, her therapist, roommates, partner, friends or family perceived her as depressed enough to attempt suicide – it was an impulsive act on a bad day, not a plan.

          • I’m going to agree with Emilie on this one. To say that someone was only “garden-variety depressed”… were you in that person’s body? Were you living with it every day? By all means, go ahead and talk about your own depression, but don’t dismiss another person’s struggle.
            “You’re not worth responding to – there are standards for respect for posting on here…” That goes for you, too.

          • Is there a comment that was posted here and is now missing? “I don’ t think you know very much about depression and should stop pontificating” doesn’t look like bullying to me, nor does it seem to violate the civility standards.

          • Emmaleigh504

            Clearly it wasn’t very clear. I read it as you dismissing your friends illness as not bad enough to be considered “real” depression. I am NOT dismissing her illness at all. But it looks like you did since it was “only garden viariety depression.”

          • I was on the same page as Emilie and was also confused because I thought maybe something had been deleted at first, then I realized dres was just… a little… harsh, for lack of a better word.

    • I know a lot of people here are agnostic or atheist and I respect that. But I will offer that knowing that I, you, one’s friends, enemies, and everyone is deeply loved by God gives meaning to my life. Jobs come and go, years come and go, friends come and go, relationships and even marriages come and go, but when everything’s value is measured inasmuch as it reveals and forwards God’s unfailing love and love of others, all falls into context.

      • Except when you don’t believe it, it can’t help you. 12 years of Catholic school, and a very pious family, and I was agnostic before age 10.

      • Yep – she’s atheist.

        • So maybe she is entirely rational – it is a tough way to be…but it seems to be hardwired in there in personality. I’m not suggesting that suicide is the logical result of being unhappy for rationals – I don’t think it is. It is just that sometimes the hyper rational brain has to figure out a reason to live – that isn’t dependent on career or job happiness, or on feeling that others love us unselfishly – as sometimes those things aren’t attainable at a given point in time – and this process can be different for hyper rationals than for others. Me, I can’t contemplate suicide because I don’t like to cause others pain – and this is true even though I know most love is selfishly motivated.

        • If you are worried about suicide, have you thought about asking her if she has thought about it or made a plan? I know you aren’t her therapist, but if you are concerned, and she is thinking that way, then you could get her to agree to talk to her therapist about it, or suggest she find another one. You might allay some of your own worry this way.

          • Thanks – I had been thinking about doing getting her to agree to talk to her therapist if she has considered suicide.

  • Anonynon

    Rave: Feel so good about things lately, especially you.

  • justinbc

    Rave: First day of the year being able to wear short sleeves into the office without chills.
    Rave: Almost finished with the yard after some more work this weekend. Got 2 more rose bushes in the ground (only 1 left to go, if we can find it), a hibiscus bush, and bought pomegranates for our treebox area but it needs some work before it’s ready for them. I know it’s risky putting them there, but if they don’t get screwed with I’m really looking forward to seeing how they do.
    Rave: Visited with Greebo for the first time this weekend (he’s 8 weeks now and able to see outsiders). He’s so much cuter than the photos we saw. And you can tell he’s going to be quite big. Also, after visiting, we decided we want to get either his brother or sister to come home with him (the other kitten we were going to adopt is going to be possible, due to health issues it’s having). Most likely the brother, since he will get bigger, and if you’re spending that much money for a cat you might as well get one that represents the breed well.

  • Rant: With Mother’s Day coming up this weekend, I just want to hide under my covers for the next week. It seems like everything is a self pity “trigger” right now, and the upcoming holiday really isn’t helping.
    Rant: The medicine I’m taking right now for IVF also isn’t helping, either with the emotional stuff or with my desire to get out of bed.
    Maybe rave: It’s a bit early in our process to be thinking seriously about this, but we’ve started to reach out to adoption agencies. We might decide to adopt and do IVF at the same time (to try to have two kids, not whichever comes first) — if the agency will let us.
    Maybe a rave: I interviewed for a job last week that would allow me to work full-time, with a flexible schedule, in an infertility advocacy role. It feels like it would be a really good fit for a lot of reasons. I basically do that job now anyway, but it would be nice to be able to focus on it fully and to be less anonymous about it. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

    • I’m so sorry. A lot of my friends struggle around Mother’s Day – I am sorry that you are going through this. The job sounds incredible, though — fingers are crossed! Let us know how it turns out.

    • what meds are you on now? Maybe someone has a way to help with it? Sending hugs, because I know the meds suck

      As for mothers day…it’s a total BS ‘holiday’. If you’re the type of person who wants to stay busy, maybe the diaper bank has a way to volunteer? I don’t know if it would make you feel ‘better’, since there really is no better. Or go see a movie? Or, hang out with me? I plan on trying to do NOTHING with my family on Mother’s Day! 🙂 I’m going to do whatever I want.

      Also, that sounds like an amazing job – I’d LOVE to work doing something like that – if there’s anything else available, hit me up? 🙂

      • I’m on Lupron, aka Loopy Lupron, aka medicine that simulates menopause. My side effects have been relatively mild, but it’s making me so, so tired. Next up is Estradiol, aka estrogen, and I expect that to be a lot more challenging. But it’s all setting me up for my embryo transfer at the end of the month, so that’s a silver lining.
        As for Mother’s Day itself, I think I’m going to focus on how I can dote on my mother and mother-in-law. But I might need to unplug a bit from email and Facebook, which are already total emotional minefields. “Unfollowing” people on Facebook and putting filters for words like “Mother’s Day” and “Mom” on my email is basically the only thing keeping me sane right now.

    • Infertility lady, I’m so sorry. I’ve been dreading it too. It’s my first mother’s day after my daughter was stillborn…

      • Sending you so so many hugs right now. And hoping that you’re linked up with the wonderful Capitol MISS Foundation people. I’m also at infertilitylady at gmail dot com if you ever want to chat off of PoPville.

        • Thank you so much for the kind words everyone. Yes, I’m in touch with the lovely group there. Everyone has been of much comfort. Hugs back to you and I hope Sunday is gentle to everyone.

      • So sorry for your loss, AB. You are still very much a parent and your child was very much your daughter – I hope you have a peaceful sunday.

        • Agreed with this. JinDC said it better than I could have and I agree with every word.

      • What a terrible loss — so sorry. Best of luck to you in getting through Sunday.

    • Thinking of you–I hope the weekend passes quickly and smoothly and that the medication protocol works well to prep your body for transfer. The medication really does a number on the body/brain. I’m sorry it’s making things harder.

  • Rant/Rave: thought my iPhone broke yesterday and immediately spent too much money on an iPhone 6. old iPhone started working again out of the blue. Just great.
    Rant/Rave: the online dating pool. all the messages. not liking what I’m seeing. and slowly realizing I have a type. how does one stop liking a type of person?
    Rant/Rave: dadbod is a thing. and you know what, pretty sure I’m into it. what does this say about me? I am very concerned.
    Rave: all the good music out right now and all the good shows happening. I love DC for being an important tour stop for artists.
    Rave: particularly in love with living in DC.

    • Anonynon

      What shows are you excited for?

    • Speedy Ortiz + all the amazing openers tomorrow night. Hop Along next week (they were on NPR Morning Edition today). Rhye. Chastity Belt. The War on Drugs. Nothing. I’m excited for all the shows. I do go to a show at least once a week.

    • I relate to everything you say!

      I have a type as well…and everyone who has known me for more than a minute knows what it is. Including my entire family haha. No use in fighting it!

      I too am into the dadbod, so don’t feel bad. I kind of feel like the extra “cushion” makes me feel more protected? I’m very short so I think it has something to do with wanting a bigger man to take care of me or some evolutionary nonsense. Also, I’ve been with really skinny guys and it did not go well.

      And yes to living in DC. For a while I was really unhappy with my life here but it has definitely come around and I can’t get enough of the city! And I cannot wait for Passion Pit tonight. And Best Coast. And the War on Drugs. Gahh so many!

    • Depending on your carrier and where you bought it, you may be able to return the new phone and revert to the old one, no questions asked. If nothing else, you can at least sell the old phone for a lot more if it’s working.

    • Most phones have a 2 week return policy, so you can probably return it.

      Is your type so specific that there are only 3 people who fit the bill? I think most people have a type, but if someone comes along a little outside of the bounds why not give him a shot? For me, I look for most of the boxes to be checked, and I’ve found that to be the best policy in general.

      • It was a phone upgrade I was eligible for anyway, so might as well keep it. I can figure out what to do with my now working iPhone 5. And no, I do not have a super specific type, but it’s unique so not a lot of men fit most of the boxes.

        • But you could save it for the Iphone 7, 8, or 9…:)

          Not super specific but unique. hmmm
          If it’s so unique that it’s limiting the playing field considerably, I’d consider opening it up a bit. Not saying you should settle, but hey, lots of nice guys who don’t necessarily hit 90% or more of the points.
          My friend who got married later in life put it best. There is 80% of what you gotta have and 20% of what you want. Figuring out which is which is important. Nonsmoking and someone who wants kids are musts for me, but I’d like someone who was pretty fit and not super tall, but I’ve given up those 2 things easily when more important things came into play like stability, etc. Just my 2 cents.

          • True. iPhone 7. I could wait for that. I think I can wait a year or two. I’ll keep that dating advice in mind. It’s nice that I have options, and maybe I should give more of them a shot. I do eliminate a lot of people, but that’s because a lot of them don’t value what I value in terms of culture, politics, and lifestyle. Looks are not even near the top of my list. Not hideous is pretty much my threshold tbh.

  • Rave: Went with Allison to the Running of the Chihuahuas over the weekend, and that was fun.
    Rant: Cranky about numerous things, among them…
    Rant: D.C. has passed the 80-degree threshold, which for me is about where the weather goes from Just Right into Too Hot.
    Rant: Getting DCRA to actually do anything about overgrown yards is like pulling teeth.
    Rant: Discouraging experience with a councilmember’s constituent services.

    • anonymouse_dianne

      Missed the Chiweenies due to tix to Arena Stage – play went long. Was probably a lot of fun, no?

    • Allison

      Yay, that was fun. Thanks for coming!
      Also, remember that cut I had on my leg? Spent last night in the walk-in clinic until midnight getting a tetanus shot and antibiotics. Ooops!

    • How was the Running of The Chihuahuas? Sounded very entertaining, haha.

      • It keeps getting bigger but the crowd is less fun then it used to be. I remember the first year they did it and everyone was drunk and lively. Now it’s just people standing around watching the races on the big screen, and the contestants tend to pack up and go home after their race instead of sticking around. Still, you can’t go wrong with cute dogs and sunshine.

  • Becks

    Rant: I wasn’t chosen for Jury Duty yesterday. I know everyone hates Jury Duty but it was kind of a “Bucket list” thing for me to be able to serve on a jury in DC.
    Rave: FIVE Strawberry blossoms on my strawberry plants.
    Rave: Visited the Natural History Museum yesterday after being released from jury duty.
    Rave: I have been in a fantastic mood the last few days, just smiling like an idiot.

  • Rant: A girl gave me a phone number on line but it turned out to be a fake.

  • Rave: I’m no longer going to the wedding party over Memorial Day weekend, and it feels like a weight off my shoulders since I made that choice, even though I am slightly sad to be missing a party.

    Rave: Short workweek for me.

    Rave: Looking forward to the Chocolate Crawl later this week.

  • Rant: Girlfriend, very suddenly, broke things off this weekend. I’m very sad. I feel hollow and empty. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it except POP. How pathetic. I think it’s probably best for her. She deserves better than a 30-year-old man child that’s incapable of “letting her in” as she says.
    Rave: Getting back into Bon Iver.

  • Rant: Co-worker called out sick again. She calls out sick every 2 weeks since January which irks me that she can get away with it. I guess she’ll eventually run out of sick leave and start using her regular leave.
    Rave: it’s a short work day. Get off at 4:00 the rest of the week. One hour sure makes a difference.

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