Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Pablo Raw

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

310 Comment

  • Rave: time to start planning my trip to Israel. I’ve been there three times before and have seen all the typical birthright sites, so I want to check out some different places this time. Petra via Eilat are already on my list. Is Amman worth visiting too? Any other suggestions?
    Rant: My mouth still hurts from the first half of the root canal.
    Rant: Matzoh and the associated health issues that go along with it.

    • I just eat lots of potatoes instead of lots of matzoh. Hope your digestive system is feeling better soon!

      • Yeah, I’ve been eating a lot of sweet potatoes too, they’re just not as easy to make as a sheet of matzoh with cream cheese. What I should be doing is using my time off work to cook, but our kitchen is gross and I don’t really love cooking either. Life is hard!

    • amman is a pretty cool city. but if you’re willing to go a bit farther then petra is a must (maybe with a dip in the dead sea on the way back).

    • Petra tip: stay overnight, don’t make it a day trip from Eilat. They charge you more if it is just a day trip.

      Is Amman worth it? In my opinion, no. It’s pretty dull with little to see. You might want to visit Wadi Rum though, which isn’t that far from Petra.

  • Rave: Article about one of PoPville’s favorite topics — dating! — on Vox today. (vox.com/2015/4/8/8353915/rules-dating-advice)
    “But most of the men claimed that, actually, they didn’t like these gender norms in dating. They wanted women to ask them out; they wanted women to pick up the check. So why the disconnect? Well, because in practice, it didn’t work: Dr. Lamont’s female subjects said their experiments in being forward usually didn’t get them the outcome they wanted.”

    • Pablo Raw

      I sometimes get confused between old and new styles. If I have a seat on the bus and there’s a woman standing, I feel like offering my seat, but then I don’t know if it’s appropriate because she’ll think I’m doing it because I think she is not strong enough because she is a woman. I still do it some times and when my offer is not taken, then it left me wondering…

      • My $.02 is that generally women ARE strong. And can therefore ask for a seat if they need one. The only time you really need to offer is if someone elderly or obviously incapacitated (on crutches, for example) is standing up. A second X chromosome doesn’t entitle a person to a seat by itself. Pregnant ladies need to ask, because it’s been hammered into everyone’s head that you never assume someone is pregnant, even if you can see a foot poking at her belly wall.

        • Meh, I’ve offered seats to women who look pregnant. Just don’t mention what may or may not be in her belly.

        • Pablo Raw

          Lots of women are stronger than me! I just get confused because I was taught that the right thing to do is open car doors, or building doors, give your seat to ladies, pay for the check, etc.

          • Blithe

            I think it’s always kind and polite to offer, and I always appreciate it when someone does — even when I decline. Yay for old school manners!!!!!! The only time I would be turned off by something like this is when “offer” shifts to “insist”.

          • valentina

            It always nice to see a gentleman with manners.

      • Emmaleigh504

        I’ve seen very pregnant women and elderly people decline seats. Some people just prefer to stand. Keep offering your seat if you want to.

      • Yes, offer if you feel like it – don’t be offended if your offer is refused – it likely just means “I’m feeling fine and don’t need to take your seat, stay seated” – rather than someone being offended by your thinking they are weak.

        • I agree. Though I don’t like it when, for example, a guy asks if I need help putting my carry on suitcase in the overhead bin on a plane and when I decline and do it myself they say something like, woah, you’re strong.

        • I agree. Even if I decline, I always appreciate the offer.

        • Agreed with dcres.

      • Pablo Raw

        I am the photographer for the DC Roller Girls, talk about strong and powerful women!

      • I think they just didn’t feel like they needed it. If there was no gracious “no thank you,” I’m guessing it was in their head and the person just didn’t have the wherewithal to get it out in a timely manner (that’s often the situation I’m often in- I’m terrible at thinking of what to say when my mind has been wandering). And, as a pregnant lady, I really appreciate when people just give me a seat rather than making me ask.

      • I am currently 8 months pregnant and I ride the bus and/or metro frequently (often with a toddler), I’ve never been offended by someone who offers me their seat (even if I decline, which I frequently do if I’m only going a short distance). That being said, any time I am traveling with my toddler, offers of a seat (at least for her) is incredibly, significantly appreciated.

        I realize this was not the topic actually brought up, but I always feel a need to remind people that not all needs/disabilities are visible. There have been several times (in this pregnancy and the last) where I really needed to sit down on the bus & metro. Most of those instances were when it was much too early to tell I was pregnant. I know that I look healthy and (relatively) young, so I would just ask the people in the ‘priority seating’ seats if it would be possible for me to sit down. People have always been helpful and I’ve never had a problem, but it is a good reminder that what you see may not tell the full story.

        Also – given the number of comments I’ve gotten from co-workers and strangers, I can assure you that it has not been hammered into everyone’s head that you never assume someone is pregnant; plenty of people feel free to comment on the size of your mid-section.

        • Yep, over the years I’ve had some people ask me when I was due (and I was never pregnant.) I never got offended, just laughed and told them I wished I was.

        • justinbc

          Also a good reminder that asking someone who looks young and healthy to get up from the “priority seating” might not always result in the response you want if they have one of those unseen injuries (such as back surgery, leg injuries, etc), and there’s no need getting angry at them for not moving, as I’ve seen some people do.

    • palisades

      Causation does not equal correlation. To blame the failure of a date solely on being forward with paying for the meal or asking the man out next time is forgetting that plenty of other things happened during the rest of the date.
      Maybe that did scare away a guy or two, but maybe plenty of other factors were at play in these dates.

    • Interesting article — thanks for the link!

    • Andie302

      This dynamic is always interesting to me. Why not just go with your gut on this? When dating I felt like if I was being honest and openly myself and a date didn’t work out, then it wasn’t meant to be. (Don’t get me wrong, I really tried to make a few square pegs fit.) But in the end, isn’t everyone looking for someone that’s compatible? When I was single I really thought “It’s going to take forever to find someone that appreciates who I am and that’s compatible” but now that I’ve found it I get to say “I knew it existed” and enjoy it. It’s so much better than those things I tried to force. One persons dealbreaker (she’s so traditional, or she’s so promiscuous, or she’s so boisterous, or she’s so shy) is another persons “she’s perfect.” Sorry about all the gender pronouns. I think this works all ways…I just made it relevant to when I was dating.

      • ^ This exactly!! The perfect person will be the one who sees your faults as your strengths, and vise versa. For example, I am loud an boisterous. I have had boyfriends who really did not like this about me (like, literally had one who would shush me – my regret? Not kicking his ass to the curb sooner), those who would tolerate but admit that it wasn’t they’re favorite thing about me, and those who saw it as just one of my characteristics. In my experience, it’s the last group that really liked *me* for *me*.

        • Who shushs someone? If you don’t like a loud partner, then move on. Former ladyfriend was very loud, but her profile warned me, and I liked the total package.
          Andie, I felt the same way until recently. I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m a good catch even if a few people along the way thought differently. Even if former ladyfriend doesn’t rekindle, I can say she really helped me get into my head that I’m fine just the way I am (I knew this already, but she really liked some of the things I disliked about myself which in hindsight aren’t bad at all). 2015 is all about loving me!

          • A complete dick, that’s who!! And I also always warn – when I was using OKC and Tinder, it was on my profile. Hell, even in job interviews, when the ubiquitous strengths/weaknesses come up, I always say that I am loud and boisterous and don’t always know when I’m being too loud. My bf – whom I’ve been with for a year now – has no problem with it because it’s just me, it’s just who I am. That’s the way it should be! It took me a lot of years and failed relationships to realize that, but for real, no amount of loneliness and sad Saturdays alone is worse than changing who you are for someone.
            We are all good catches! We just need to find the right person or let them find us. Life is too short to not be yourself in order to be more attractive to others.

          • I didn’t really date in college which made me feel like I had to make up for lost time. For most of my life, I had someone telling me I was crap from grade school to my last LTR. Her fave was telling me I wasn’t “her type” in an effort to say I should be glad to be with her, I guess.
            Now I know what I’m bringing to the table without a cosigner. I’m not going to be everyone’s type for any number of reasons, and I’m totally fine with that fact.

    • justinbc

      When we were first dating my partner was always adamant about paying her part of the bill. I certainly didn’t expect her to do so, but I did respect her for making the effort (because most I dated never bothered to try). I definitely would not consider it a deal breaker scenario on a date either way, unless the person was very clearly not interested in the date at all and obviously just there to dine and dash.

      • With the amount of men complaining about the lack of effort or paying from ladies, I find it hard to believe simply doing either would make the date a fail each time it happened.

        • justinbc

          Yeah that seems like a really odd belief to have, and makes me agree with Palisades above that there’s clearly something else going on here making the person not want to engage on another date with the individuals.

  • Mug of Glop

    Rave: Got some good data on the science machine yesterday. Hopefully I’ll find it actually useful as well when I try to dig into it today!
    Rant: Power fluctuations yesterday ate up three hours of my machine time, which was not very fun.
    Rave: Coffee is a-brewin’!
    Rant: Rain seemingly forever.
    Rant: Running has been feeling harder than I’d like.
    Rave: Looks like my job’s gonna last another year. DC, here I stay!

  • Rant: Hate Good Friday! – felt like Saturday to me, with so many people off, that my brain actually thought it was Saturday and parked in a spot reserved for disabled M-F. (I know this spot, and never park there M-F, absent a brain fart.) So, $250 ticket. This is a question for anyone with recent experience with contesting parking tickets in person. When I lived in NYC, people said they would chop a parking ticket by like half if you just showed up, even without a defense – I never tried it, but I never got a $250 ticket. Is this likely to happen in DC, especially without any actual defense that the ticket was written in error?
    Rave: Looking forward to taking out-of-town guests to see cherry blossoms this weekend.

    • emvee

      Having spent this past Monday at the Adjudication Services office of the DMV, I can tell you they’re pretty strict. One woman went in contesting tickets because their parent had passed and they had to run to the airport to plan and execute a funeral. While planning her dad’s funeral, she got a ticket for being parked in a street cleaning lane. She had a copy of the obituary and her flight information, and still no luck. She had to pay the whole thing. Sympathy is hard to find there. Good luck to you!

    • It truly depends on which adjudicator you receive and how you present your case. I had a $100 ticket for parking in a bus lane knocked down to $20. I think it was because the lady felt sorry for me because it was a Sunday and most ppl in the city believe you cant get tickets on Sunday. But you have to ask for it to be lowered. Basically, claim an economic hardship. When I first moved to the city, I went to adjudication every Monday unfortunately, it was because i kept getting tickets on my old Maryland tags. If you claim a hardship it may help you but because it really was a Friday and you really weren’t supposed to be parked there they may not have a heart. Its worth the try though. Also, less is more, I don’t think they want to hear about you thinking it was Saturday because of the holiday. They sometimes take advantage of things like that. But I would still try. Good Luck

      • Thanks. Hardship is easy to claim when you are unemployed and broke, as I am. I wonder if they necessary always believe it though … I look the same as when I had nice earnings. Thanks for the strategy advice.

      • You could just claim you thought it was a holiday because the stock market is closed on Good Friday. For $250.00 I’d give it a try.

        • Thought about that. I’m very familiar with stock market holidays – I remember decades ago having to work on a day that was a holiday for my company, but NOT a stock market holiday, and due to the nature of my job involving stock market prices, I had to be the only one having to work that day!

          But I can’t figure out if that would be better, since in DC it is clearly NOT a holiday. And the sign is a “disabled only parking M-F 9-5” sign. And, while I can’t find anything about such signs online (I think maybe they aren’t common), I suspect that, like the rush hour morning and evening hour no parking on major streets, the M-F part may trump holidays.

  • Rave: UCONN!!! 3-peat and 10 total!

  • Rant: Bowser and Racine. Three months in, and they’re already in a petty turf war. I’d say a pox on both their houses, but that’s also our (collective) house, so just stop with the BS and govern effectively.

  • RANT: Capitol Hill Safeway. Despite living around the corner, I avoid this place like the plague. However, on the seldom occasion I do go there, it always seems that something CRAZY happens. Last night around 9 pm the parking lot was swarmed by 10-12 cop cars. Almost got mowed down by one cop going the wrong way up 14th Street before he careened into the parking lot.

    Any idea what was going on there? Haven’t been able to find any info.

    • Andie302

      So crazy – you were there at the same time as we were. The first cop car arrived as we parked, and several quickly followed. From what I gathered (through minimal observation and overhearing a store employee speak to the police) it sounded like someone shoplifted, then resisted when store security tried to stop them, so they called the cops. It was a female and I overheard a woman say “they should’ve have slammed her down like that” but she was definitely screaming and resisting. It was all the more strange because there were a lot of carts blocking something that a bunch of employees were washing with brushes out on the surface of the parking lot. My first impression was that there was some weird protest or something. It’s funny – I probably haven’t been there in over a year despite it being the closest grocery store to my house. We needed cough drops and it was the closest place. One time I went to grab cash at the ATM and found an open switchblade.

      • Sounds like someone hurt the shoplifting woman and they were probably cleaning up blood or something.

        • Andie302

          Oh no, this was probably a 40’x60′ area blocked off with shopping carts and 5 or 6 employees scrubbing something. It was all in place as the police arrived, and I didn’t see any blood.

  • Rant: I’ve become a church lady.
    Rave: I used to be a hippie
    Rant: Growing old.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: The whole meth industry that makes getting the good allergy drugs such a pain in the ass.
    Rave: the pharmacist at CVS who helped me find the box of allergy meds I could buy without going over my monthly limit.
    Rave: allergy nasal sprays that are over the counter now, trying some out to see if I can stop having to deal with the I’m-not-cooking-meth hassle.

  • Rant: I need to have the discussion with a roommate about how “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” does not apply when you share a bathroom with somebody.

    • OMG I shared a bathroom with 4 people in undergrad, and two of them refused to flush. I tried to talk to them (and I think my other suitemate did too) but they refused to change their habit. I told them if they were just living together, that’s great! Save water! But since we live with multiple people and are not related and didn’t agree to this, I’m going to flush it anyway! I just had to deal with it for the year.

      • Yeah, I definitely would not have agreed to it when asked. I just flush as soon as I get in, which is an even bigger waste of water (which I hate), but I do not want to have to smell somebody else’s yellow.

      • Pablo Raw

        Somehow this conversation reminds me of the guy who took a gallon of pee too the lab for a test. When he went back to get the results, he was told that everything was ok and btw, “it’s not necessary to bring a whole gallon!”. He took his phone and called one of his group house housemates: “I’m just calling to tell you that the results of the test are good, and we are all healthy in the hosue”. Rimshot. I know I’m bad with jokes.

    • I’ve lived with roommates and we’ve still followed that rule, with the exception being the first one of the morning (stinky). It’s not like you’re sitting in it. But, if you’re not comfortable with it, then so be it. Fortunately we don’t live in Cali and don’t have the same water scarcity issues.

      • Then it’s something the roommates should agree to. I never said I would deal with that disgustingness from somebody else.

    • skj84

      Omg. Omg. Things that shouldn’t have to be said.

      • Yeah, so now I’m feeling super resentful about having to have this conversation. Is it really so terrible to start with a sticky note?

        • I don’t think so. For my previous roommate’s bad aim (or his friends), I posted a note under the rim. I actually heard the first person to see it laughing, but I never had pee on the front of the toilet again.

        • Don’t start with a sticky note. Yes, bringing this kind of thing up is awkward/uncomfortable, but bring it up in person.

        • HaileUnlikely

          This is a perfectly legitimate conversation to have and a perfectly legitimate thing for different people to have different opinions on. Although I flush every time, I recognize that it is massively wasteful after a little pee and that by international standards it is a supreme luxury to be able to do that. I’ve had roommates not flush after peeing before. A couple of them were just lazy but one was so committed to conservation that he’d turn the water while soaping up in the shower (literally ran the water for less than 60 seconds for the entire shower). Mad props for that.

    • At the risk of starting a flame war (sorry in advance), you could mention that there are far more effective ways to cut water use than this. Diet being very, very high on that list. For example, “On average, a vegan, a person who doesn’t eat meat or dairy, indirectly consumes nearly *600 gallons of water per day* less than a person who eats the average American diet.” (Emphasis mine.) Source: environment.nationalgeographic.com/environment/freshwater/water-conservation-tips/

      • Hah, that example certainly would not go over well.

        • Haha, yeah, it usually doesn’t. Although I always find it a bit funny to see people get their knickers in a twist over wasting water while brushing teeth, etc., then eat steak dinners on the regular. It just seems illogical.

      • In all seriousness though, if you could come up with some ways you could save water *together* that don’t involve not flushing — that might be a really productive conversation and a great way to approach this.

  • Rant: My good number of retrieved eggs has dwindled down to a much, much smaller number of embryos. The embryos are being PGD tested now and if only the typical 30-50% are “good,” we won’t have very much to work with.
    Rave: unless the number of good embryos is much lower than 30%, we should have at least one embryo to implant, and my doctor only wants to implant one per cycle.
    Rave: I’m able to move forward with my other tests more quickly than expected, so I should know a lot more by this time next week.
    Rant: waiting. Not just this week, but generally. My 36th birthday is next week and I would have never guessed that I wouldn’t have at least one child by this point.

    • Good luck. Can I ask why only one embryo at a time? Do either of you have twins in the family? (And are you at SG?)

      • My doctor (at GW) basically insists on it, pointing to the high probability of twins being born prematurely and the higher incidence of miscarriage, gestational diabetes and high blood pressure in pregnant women carrying twins. Apparently the live birth rate is basically the same when you implant one or two. I think SG and GW have very different philosophies about this, for whatever it’s worth.
        I actually argued a bit about this with my doctor — fraternal twins run in my family and I would be delighted to have twins — but have decided to go with my doctor’s advice, largely because I’ve already had a miscarriage and want to lower my risk of another one.

        • that’s interesting – We were MFI and Dr. F agreed to transfer 2 5 day blasts. Twins running in families doesn’t really matter for IVF – the work is done for you. Your decision is a wise one, but GW totally didn’t pressure me about 1 v. 2.

          • Did you see Dr. F? By the way, this is the issue that made me almost fight with him. I was so, so angry about the prospect of not implanting two. It’s not too late to change my mind (assuming we have two good blasts to work with) but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Although I usually get very uncomfortable with male authority figures trying to tell me what to do, I’ve decided to trust him on this one. I’ve come to a conclusion that he’s somewhere between a magician and a demi-god. And he counsels women on this every single day.

          • Sorry — you just said you saw Dr. F! He definitely had a strong opinion on this subject. It may be a relatively recent development that he believes so strongly in implanting only one?

          • I was initially with Dr G but he left and Dr F did everything after the initial consult (BTW he is a great human, I love him). He transferred two – he said it was fine. Maybe he knew something about the condition of the blasts that I didn’t, and thought it was a giant shot in the dark that both would implant? I have a history of twins in my family, too….but if you had a miscarriage and the STAYING pregnant is the difficulty they need to work with, his decision is probably very valid. He isn’t trying to make you have more IVF cycles than you need – trust me!

          • Also, I’m sure Dr F is used to “pushy” women who are anxious and worried. I was SO mean to him after my retrieval because I only had 5 eggs retrieved and he just let it go. He was great about it, I’m sure it happens a lot…it’s a frustrating job, I’m sure.

          • Dr. F is a great human. Possibly one of the greatest out there. Along with Dr. Humm of the same practice. She has nearly singlehandledly restored my faith in modern medicine.

        • Sometimes an embryo splits and you can end up with fraternal twins anyway.

        • SG is a very big eSET proponent, especially if it is your first cycle.

          • I should be more careful about comparing SG and GW because I clearly have no idea what SG does!

        • Transferring 1 PGD tested embryo makes sense since you know its “normal.” Transferring more than 1 really only makes sense when not doing PGD.

    • My friend just had her first child at 39 or 40. He is adorable and healthy. I hope the implantation goes well.

      • Good for your friend.

      • My friend just had her first at 44. Another last year at 46. Another had twins a few years back at 47. All are well and thriving. It seems to me that persistence pays off. All of those experienced many years of IVF, miscarriages, etc. You started earlier – and should have success well before 40.

        • I disagree about persistence – If they used IVF, it can easily turn in to a very slippery road of emotional and financial drain. No one wants to talk about “the end” of treatment.

          • Well, obviously those who find it a drain stop. I think there may be different dynamic at work sometimes when one’s partner is a woman.

            Really good health insurance, and well-paying jobs, makes a difference in financial drain. Though I know one woman who says she had her kids on Visa and Mastercard.

          • My REs seem to think I will be able to get pregnant without much difficulty. But I will say that even though I have excellent insurance, a fantastic husband, and good incomes for both of us, the drain is pretty intense. Even excluding the financial considerations, which alone are fairly sizable even with excellent insurage, the process itself is pretty awful. I really don’t want to do a second round of egg retrieval simply because the hormones made me so incredibly emotional and depressed. I literally didn’t want to be around other people for two weeks because I was so weepy and emotionally volatile.

          • 1) you can change up meds. If you don’t have success, they will likely change the meds. I was on very low doses and didn’t feel hormonal. I think some people say they’re hormonal but a lot of it is stress and anxiety playing out. Not minimizing your responses at all – but that is a possibility for some patients. 2) I think if you don’t set limits on the fertility journey, you are going down a rabbit hole. Doesn’t matter who the parents/patients are, it’s risky to just go and go and go – the long term health impacts of the drugs aren’t known, for one. I think most IF patients would agree – and doing IVF as a man and a woman couple is different, I think – two women/two men tend to know they’ll need intervention to have a child. When you find your M/F spouse, you don’t intend this to be the way you’ll conceive. And it becomes even MORE emotional (and again, not to mimize anyone’s journey to parenthood – there’s just a different emotional component to it for some patients)

          • Actually, most single or lesbian women don’t expect to need IVF – they know they’ll need sperm, but getting that is not very interventionist at all. I’ve known women who did it without a doctor even – take fresh donor sperm, inset with syringe (turkey baster idea was never anything but some joke), get pregnant. Even using a doctor, it is a simple procedure. Having to go to IVF is just as hard for single or lesbian women as it is for ones with male partners.

        • Were the women having kids at 44, 46, and 47 (!) using donor eggs? A successful pregnancy with the woman’s own eggs is pretty rare that late.

          • Only one did (the youngest of them.) Older ones used own eggs that were retrieved when in early 40s. What they can do now is changing rapidly.

        • Honestly, I don’t think these cases apply to my own situation. Yes, there are stories out there and I wouldn’t ever discourage someone from trying to get pregnant if that is something that they want to do. But if you want a child when you’re 28 and have to wait another eight years while trying everything possible with no guarantee of success and while you’re friends have one, two, three babies, those other cases of friends of friends at 40+ don’t matter one bit.

          • I agree. I didn’t get married thinking, “oh, our child will be conceived in a lab!”. It’s very frustrating to FEEL young and healthy and BAM, this giant emotional mountain needs to be climbed. I completely understand.

          • I feel you on this. As much as people are trying to help with the “my friend got pregnant when….” stories, they hurt. Yes, it is great for those people, but it is not you that is pregnant. And it sucks.

          • “As much as people are trying to help with the “my friend got pregnant when….” stories, they hurt. Yes, it is great for those people, but it is not you that is pregnant. And it sucks.” Preach. The f-cking worst part about all of this process is how intensely singular your own experience is. If you get pregnant the old fashioned way, it’s you and millions of other women from the dawn of humanity doing things basically the same way. When you’re going IVF, you have your own unique protocol that is evolving in real time and have to make decisions that are only your own. No free therapist or financial counselor comes with the package. And you have to figure out how to negotiate all aspects of the process with family members, friends and your job without a roadmap or script. Other people’s (often apocryphal) stories only highlight how personal, individual and isolating the process really is.

    • Best of luck! Sending positive vibes your way.

    • Best of luck! Keep busy, and know you’re in good hands. GW’s staff is very good and the nurses are great. And if this is your first IVF cycle, the doc’s will learn a lot from the first cycle should it not work (responses to drugs). a 3 or 5 day blast is great, and keep telling yourself that all you need is one! You are young but I completely understand the waiting game. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for a great outcome. If you need to vent/chat, you can always email me (ask POP) – sometimes you just need someone who has been there to listen. And honestly, the DCUM infertility forum is also pretty good. Hugs.

    • Positive thoughts are with you – so many of my friends are struggling with fertility, no matter what they are trying and it is heartbreaking for me to watch them. I can’t for one minute imagine the stress you’re under, but I am hopeful that you get the results you want. It’s a helpless feeling, watching people you care about struggle like this. Fingers and toes are crossed for you!

      • Thanks so much, SinSA. I can use all of the positive thoughts I can get!

        • Best of luck IL! Sending positive thoughts your way!!! We also have gone through IVF multiple times, so we totally get what you are going through.

          • Thank you! I’m always surprised to find other people who have been through this, but it seems like there are a lot of us out there, mostly in hiding!

    • I’m hoping all goes well for you!

    • I genuinely hope all of this goes well for you. I’ve been there – we didn’t do PGD but I had two fresh IVF cycles to get our daughter. It is hell, both physically and emotionally. Hang in there.

      • It sounds like our stories may be pretty similar, in any case. Thanks for your well wishes and commiseration!

    • Later rant: I keep saying “implant” when I mean “transfer.” Embryos get transferred. With some luck, they implant after they’re transferred.

  • Using the rant/rave format to pose a question to the group-

    Rant: construction on my street until midnight last night (extremely loud drilling into the road)
    Rave: this group of experts to help me figure out what to do!

    My concern is that our building manager has told us the construction will go on through the end of April. Not that I don’t love the idea of being kept up until midnight until the end of April….but, I don’t.
    It appears from the DCRA website that you need a special permit for construction after 7pm, and that residents can file an inquiry as to whether that permit was received.

    Has anybody gone this route? Is this the best way to deal with this issue? I’m not sure who I can reach out to at a local level (commissioner?). But I live in Dupont on an all residential street so I have to imagine dozens of neighbors are also sleepless.

    Any thoughts from the group would be great!! Thanks so much–yall are the best, as usual!

    • Not exactly on point to your questions, but when I had jackhammering wake me up before dawn for months on end outside my windows, I found that the foam earplugs that reduce sound by 28 or 29 decibels allowed me to sleep until my usual waking time.

    • Allison

      You describe the construction as “drilling into the road” — is this construction happening to the street, or in connection with a property on your street? If it’s DDOT or someone actually fixing a road, you may be out of luck.

    • I can definitely empathize having dealt with the same thing along U St last year, but from my experience they had the permits (they worked nearly round the clock 24 hours a day). The reasoning was that while it would disrupt some residential people, the consistent harm to traffic from dragging out the project timeline would do more harm to the city. If you’re on Church St you probably have a valid question, but if it’s on R/Q/19th St my money says approval was obtained. As for mitigation of the misery, I ran a fan and picked up some $15 cloth curtains from Bed Bath and Beyond which substantially dampened the noise when closed.

    • If it’s one of the utility companies or DDOT, you’re pretty much screwed.
      If they are doing construction on a building, then that definitely is NOT allowed.

  • Rant: Office fire drill in the rain
    Rant: MORE mouse extermination required. WTF!!! I think the mice should be captured and studied because they are clearly the smartest ever.
    Rave: Thinking Smoke and Barrel for my husband’s 30th….anyone do an event there? They don’t charge a fee
    Rant: Don’t feel any closer to a childcare decision, but we know the best way forward to discuss plans with our nanny. We have very open communication with her, so hopefully it works out and she’s willing to expand her hours slightly and be flexible as my husband starts school.
    Rant: The lack of childcare in this city is pathetic.

  • Rave: Off to Ann Arbor tomorrow!
    Rant: It’s supposed to rain the whole time I’m there.
    Rave: Great run last night. First run of the year in shorts and a tank top.
    Rave: Had a good haircut experience at the Aveda Institute. I love not spending $70 on a haircut.

    • I had a feeling Ann Arbor might be one of the places on your short list 🙂 I lived there for four years and have a lot of friends who went to the law school there, and would be happy to share my experiences if you ever want to hear about them! Enjoy!

      • Good to know, Shawess! I’m hoping to come back with a decision but I have a feeling I will be even more confused come Monday. 🙂

    • palisades

      I went to Ann Arbor as an annoying 15 year old. Didn’t appreciate it whatsoever. I regret that all the time. Enjoy!!!

    • Yay Michigan!! I went there for grad school and had an amazing experience. I miss Ann Arbor so much! If I found a job there I would move back in a heart beat.

    • JayKay

      Yeah Ann Arbor! Such a great town. Sorry to hear that it’ll be rainy.
      Definitely go to Zingermann’s. So delicious!

      • Their website tells me that they can do their sandwiches on lettuce instead of bread– +1 for Michigan on gluten-fee options! I’ll be going there.

        • JayKay

          Nice! Btw I would suggest going tomorrow or Friday. Weekends can be very busy.
          Also, give yourself time to sample all the cheeses/meats(if you eat those things). I once missed a flight because my brother and i took too much time sampling. 🙂

          • I think I’ll try to go when I get in tomorrow. I also have like 7 hours between the end of the program and my flight and Saturday so I could do sampling then and hopefully not miss my shuttle. Thanks for the rec!

      • Yeah, Zingerman’s is great. But think about the snowier winters. Law school brings some stressful/depressing times, so consider how your surroundings will affect you. I moved somewhere colder and snowier for it, and I can still remember the misery of tromping around with my feet soaking wet in my boots on some days!

        • Thanks, dcres. My other choice is actually colder– judging by my Weather Channel app stalking all winter. I’m definitely more of a cold weather person but I am making it a priority to find an apartment within 5 minutes walking distance to the law school at either place, keep my vitamin D up, and maybe get one of those mood lamps people on here have suggested.

          • All -very- good ideas. My Michigan years were in the early 2000s, so not super recent, but I clearly remember the grayness being worse than the actual cold. It seemed to be gray outside for the entire school year!

  • epric002

    rave: MPD organized litter pick up after work yesterday. we had the biggest turnout they’ve ever seen 🙂
    rave: had champagne with neighbors afterwards and then taqueria habanero!
    rant: ishtty hold-ups from macys were practically at my knees by the time i got to work. and then i ran a leg trying to yank them up. now wearing crappy hose from cvs which, despite the “nude” label on the box, are more like “suntan”- ick.
    rave: glazed chocolate donut for breakfast.
    request: thinking about getting darling husband a refurbished vitamix- any model suggestions?

    • epric002, I just saw this and thought of you! npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2015/04/07/397860392/hold-the-mammal-daring-to-make-dairy-free-cheese-from-nuts
      Also, your pantyhose rant is straight out of this week’s Mad Men episode. And I have a Blendtec and would strongly recommend looking into that in addition to Vitamix if you’re not fixed on the Vitamix brand.

  • Rant: I am still not sleeping well. Where did this insomnia come from?
    Rave: My electric kettle — it keeps me in warm tea during a grey, damp day
    Rave: My lovely gym buddy who gets me out of bed even when all I want to do is call in sick.

  • Rant: My emotionally abusive ex contacted me out of the blue last night for the first time in over two years, wanting to reconnect. Why no, this may come as a shock but I have absolutely no interest in that. No idea what made him suddenly reach out to me. I still worry about running into him randomly…
    Rant: Stomach was in knots all last night from that. Hate that he still has that effect on me!
    Rant: Called to make a haircut appointment yesterday and found out my hair dresser is no longer working there. I did a little Internet sleuthing and saw that she’s at a much more expensive place now.
    Rave: Made an appointment with someone else and went to the hair salon anyway, and ran into my old hair dresser on the sidewalk while on my way – she told me she’ll honor the old price if I keep going to her. Yay!!

    • So sorry about your first rant. I absolutely hate when things like that happen and I understand the knots in your stomach feeling. Do something fun today. 🙂

      • I’m glad I had the hair appointment after that – the head massage and relaxing/primping helped!

    • Ugh. I am with you on your first rant- it all comes flooding back and that awful dead butterfly in your stomach feeling reappears. I still get it when I see someone that resembles my ex- and it’s been a few years. (I hardly think about him at all anymore, but abuse cuts SO deep that I don’t think I’ll ever be free of *some* emotional response to his existence.) I still haven’t run into him though and I have no idea how I’d react. I want to say I’d ignore him but I think I’d vomit, preferably ON him. Hopefully you can delete it/ignore him and move on. You know it’ll only lead you down a path you do not want to be on. And really- how #%$@ pathetic and manipulative of this person!! He clearly hasn’t changed because if he had even an ounce of self-awareness, he’d realize he is the LAST person you want to hear from. What an ass. Like AliceInDC says, do something fun- and celebrate two years of freedom! Strength in numbers! 🙂

      • I’m sorry that you’re all too familiar with this situation as well! 🙁
        Hah, that’s a good way to think of it – thank you! He told me he wanted to reconnect “since we ended on a bad note” (lol, sure, that’s one way to put it). Had to just shake my head over that…
        By the way, have you ever read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft? It’s a really insightful book about abuse – I found it to be very helpful/interesting after that relationship.

        • Actually, yes, I have read that one! Several others as well. I finally threw them all out about a year ago. I had highlighted SO MUCH in them. It felt good to get rid of that crap though.

          My ex would say we ended on a bad note too. And I think the exes of the women in my abuse support group that I joined AFTER we broke up (he made breaking up really fun!) would say they ended on a bad note as well. So textbook. 😉

    • It wasn’t Patti (formerly) of EuroSpa, was it?!

    • Ugh I am SO sorry (re: your first rant). I have been there too. It doesn’t matter where you’re at in life, that contact can manage to just pull you right back to that way you felt at that time. It sucks. I wonder sometimes if they REALLY don’t realize how terrible they were. I think that in some situations it’s not hard for them to convince themselves that they did nothing wrong, you were just crazy/emotional/irrational/etc. At least, that’s what they say…and I always wonder how much of it they truly believe. Regardless, cutting off contact is 100% the best option in my opinion!! Feel better!

    • How was he emotionally abusive?

      • Does it matter? Maybe I got out on the wrong side of bed today, but somehow that inquiry sounds to me like it’s from someone who doesn’t want to take Littlen’s word for it that the guy was emotionally abusive.

      • I had someone else this week be dismissive when I said he was emotionally abusive (“Was it physical? No? Well I guess he can be intimidating but I don’t see why it would be a problem to see him in a group setting”)…
        He would fight with me, regularly, until like 3 am on weekdays, and would call me names, say I was lazy/a sl*t/a terrible girlfriend etc. for the smallest things. Lots of gaslighting. He would force me to ride his motorcycle in order to “prove” that I loved him/was sorry for something I did, despite knowing I hated motorcycles because my cousin was killed in a motorcycle accident – and would deliberately go fast to scare me. He was big on making me “prove” that I cared about him/was sorry in other ways as well. Lots of other stuff… After I finally broke up with him, I actually had two friends of his get in touch with me and say that they saw how he treated me when I was out with them and that I’d done the right thing. He was great and charismatic in a lot of ways, but man that relationship did a number on me.

      • If you are asking because either you just.don’t.get.it OR you honestly want to understand emotional/verbal abuse, please do some reading and googling and talking to those who have survived it. It’s insidious because to everyone else he (I say he because that is my experience) is so charismatic and wonderful and seems to LOVE you. Looking back, I honestly think i was brainwashed. He knocked me so far down that I had nothing left to dig myself out with. If you want to know HOW someone was verbally abusive- someone who doesn’t leave physical wounds- I could answer for days. The list is that long of what he put me through. Why did I stay? Well, when someone tells you he loves you and treats you like a queen and then the next day keeps you up all night (yes all night) berating you over NOTHING, calling you a whore and a liar and telling you he’ll ruin you, it kind of effs with your head. Oh, but I don’t have a single physical scar, so I guess it wasn’t that bad…

  • Becks

    Rant: So sleepy, so very sleepy. I am falling asleep at my desk! Come on coffee, come on!!
    Rave: HBO Now! I can watch Games of Thrones on my iphone without cable!!! And you can even watch past seasons of GoT!!!!! There goes my weekend!
    Rave: Flowers…Lot’s and lot’s of flowers blooming everywhere!!! I tried to eradicate the wild violets from the front yard last year and they popped up all along the border this year! I have purple edging!!!

  • Rant: How fast a conversation can take a turn. Co-worker asked other co-worker why she held her jug of water funny only to find out its because her arm is f’ed by her ex pushing her down the stairs. He didn’t do any jail time. Ugh!
    Rave: “Lucky” that I only dealt with emotional abuse before.
    Rave: Trading driving roomie around for dog walking. We’re a match made in heaven.
    Rave: Sleepy, but I feel good. Hoepfully, the week continues this way.

  • Rant: A friend of mine just got cut from Navy Seal Hell Week (involuntarily). Feeling major feels for him as he is at the top of the age bracket and this was his last shot at his dream job.
    Rant: Cold damp weather
    Rave: At least it’s not snowing!

    • palisades

      Is that the tests that are shown in The Guardian, the movie with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner? I’m sure it’s Hollywood-ized for the movie, but still, seems miserable.

      • No, they were Rescue Swimmers and part of the Coast Guard. LOL, I love that movie!!

      • Haha, no, but great movie reference. It is essentially 5 days straight of zero sleep, 100+ hours physical labor without breaks and being cold, damp, and from what it sounds like miserable.

    • Aww. My childhood friend and my ex’s dad are both Navy Seals. (Crazy right). It is very difficult. I feel for him.

  • RAVE: Checked out El Sol in Columbia Heights last night, thanks in part to Jim’s and Justin’s reviews. Amazingly good and stupid cheap! Will definitely be back 🙂

  • skj84

    Rave: Robyn Givhan’s talk on the Battle of Versailles at Busboys and Poets last night. Informative and interesting subject. I bought her book, can’t wait to dig in.

    Rave: People who use the Q&A to make statements or ask questions that have nothing to do with the subject. So annoying!

  • Rant: Uber – driver got lost leaving DCA twice last night, it was after 11 and I just zoned out – guess I need to give directions from now on.
    Rave: Fun long weekend away – got lots of projects done
    Rant: Back hurts from all those projects
    Rant: 3 weeks till I get to see BF again…unless he comes to DC for a few days
    Rave: Shoes are back from being re-crafted and I got a new pair of orange galoshes to keep them dry and good shape – now kind of excited for rain.

    • I feel that Uber rant! Last night, I was teaching the driver how to actually drive – it seemed like he had never driven before. When he came to pick me up, he drove onto the sidewalk (!), then I had to review what I meant by “light” in “take a left at the light” – not the streetlight! and then he almost got us hit on two separate merges/intersections. Scary.

      • If you give feedback, Uber responds. I had a driver not know where to go (on top of being a shitty driver), and they wrote back almost immediately and credited my account. Tell them – they might refund you – they can see the driver’s route

        • I did put a detailed note in the comment and by 12AM I had an email from Uber apologizing and noting that they’ll contact the driver.
          I think Uber is going to have to mandate a higher level of knowledge for drivers or the quality will drop off.

          • The quality totally has dropped off since they started cutting the rates so much that the good drivers all left (from what I’ve noticed at least). We had a driver use his GPS Saturday night and still get lost because he couldn’t figure out how to just follow it.
            I have a friend who did the whole “complain to Uber because driver took a much longer route and didn’t listen to her redirections” and Uber refused to refund anything and said that he wasn’t *that* out of the way! This was a week ago. I was shocked, because it was my suggestion to contact them. They’ve always been very responsive in my experiences. Her driver took a different route than what she asked him to or from what was shown on his GPS, added 10 minutes on to her time (and she was heading to an interview). I’m falling more and more out of love with Uber every day I swear.

  • Question? If you can sell your home that you’ve owned for just about 1yr and profit 175k, would you sell? What should be my considerations?

    • Oh man, this is really tough. It depends on a lot of things. Do you love the home and do you see it as your forever home? Where would you move next and would you be able to find something you want in the same neighborhood (assuming you want to stay)? Does the 175k include closing costs on current house and buying a new house? On another note, what’s up with the insane profit? Did you put a lot of work into it?

      • I do love the home, I also own another home that I can move into, but I love this home more. 175K is profit. Realtor told me he can have an offer in hand by end of week just based on his clients. The house is fully renovated.

    • justinbc

      I think you should at least consider it, depending on what’s on the market and what your original home was purchased for. Assuming your original down payment could cover the taxes on the sale, that 175K profit would be a down payment on a place in the 800-850K range.

      • Ahhh- that’s the gotcha- I haven’t owned the home long enough to avoid cap gains. So I guess that 175k profit no longer stands because of cap gain taxes.

        • Check out the capital gains laws (federal and state) carefully. I believe you can deduct partially if you have lived there for a portion of the two years, which may cover you, and also there are exceptions, and you may fall into one of those categories.

    • HaileUnlikely

      If I was planning to move out of the area soon, definitely. If I wanted to stay in DC but already wanted to move without the question of the profit from the sale entering into things, probably. If I otherwise didn’t want to move and turning the profit was the only motivator, probably not. Carefully consider whether the profit plus whatever other resources you have would enable you to buy what you want after the sale. I’d probably make about $100K profit if I sold right now, but quite honestly, between that, other savings, and my income, I probably would not be able to buy anything I’d rather have that my current home, so in my case it would be insanely dumb to sell right now.

    • I believe you will have to pay capital gains tax if you’ve owned for less than 2 years. Selling is not cheap to begin with – closing costs can be steep. Any chance you can hang onto it for another year?

    • Unless you absolutely need to sell (doesn’t seem to be the case), I would hold on to the house for at least another year. That profit isn’t likely to drop between now and then.

    • No, not unless I was looking to move. If I needed money, I’d refinance or borrow it elsewhere if I could. If I was worried about the prices going down, well, I wouldn’t, not around here these days, they seem to be in a period of upswing. Only question about that is whether a rise in mortgage interest rates will result in a lowering of prices – I don’t think so, not until rises are steep, which is not what I think is being contemplated.

      Be sure you are right about how you are defining profit. Have you considered ALL the closing costs, including taxes? If you haven’t lived there as your primary residence for two years of the last five, which you haven’t, having only owned a year, you can’t take the $250,000 ($500,000 if married) capital gain tax free (unless you meet an exception, if there are any – check out exactly how capital gains tax will apply to you), so there will also be capital gain tax to pay. And you have to pay this for state taxes, as well as the federal ones. I had to pay a ton of capital gain taxes when I sold, so I would think about selling again if I was hitting that limit, but ONLY IF if I was inclined to maybe move anyway – but that’s on profit after closing expenses deducted, so you are talking closer to $300,000 in price appreciation, or more, depending on the expense of the home (6% broker fee is a lot more cost to deduct from profit if the selling price is high v. low) before the capital gain comes into play.

    • jim_ed

      We’ve run into this…scenario….ourselves, by the dumb luck of buying into a neighborhood almost immediately before prices exploded, to where I think we could fairly easily turn around $160K in profit on our house that we bought less than 3 years ago. For us, the answer is no, we aren’t interested in selling, mainly because we plan on staying in DC and its not like that additional $160K is going to move us into a nicer neighborhood or nicer house at this point, considering houses on our block are now selling for double what we paid. We could probably move a few blocks further north and get a bigger yard or something slightly nicer, but our location is fairly convenient and we know our block to be relatively safe and our neighbors to be generally pretty cool, so I’d rather stick with the devil I know, etc etc.
      Sometimes I feel like its a shame we love DC so much though, as I see what even just $160K could buy us in other cities, and the idea of not having a mortgage is awfully enticing.

    • I did just that 2.5 years ago. I made $180K profit on a home I owned for 2 years (I made sure to wait the two years so I wouldn’t get hit with cap gains tax). I then turned that into a nicer house in a much better neighborhood and couldn’t be happier with my decision.
      Disclaimer- I bought my original house with the intent of it being a stepping stone to a better house, and I really disliked the neighborhood. It was hard to stay for two years, but it ended up paying off. If you like your house and your neighborhood it’s a harder decision. Do you want something bigger? In a different location? To leave DC altogether? Or is it just purely about the profit. I would think if you wait, that number will go up with the way things are going.

  • Rant: think a new person at my workplace is running some sort of electric light/air freshener thing in their cube. Why are people so oblivious/rude? I’m probably going to have to address this at some point- either directly with the person (ugh) or via HR.
    Rant: 20-something old male children moving into my building with their dads (likely) footing the bill. Met a kid and his not somewhat rude Northern Virginia father as they were moving into my building. Knew right away based on the kid’s attitude that this was going to be an issue. He smokes outside the building late at night and eerily has a direct view into some of our apartments. I saw him late last night, and it freaked me out. He wasn’t staring directly into my apt, but the fact that he was out there with a direct line of sight was creepy. There used to be an income requirement to live in my building, which apparently fell by the wayside when things got tougher in the rental market. The bad thing about these young guys moving in is not only are they immature and usually inconsiderate with noise, our traditionally quiet building for professionals just isn’t made for them.

    • Income requirements can also be circumvented by having a guarantor, which from your description sounds like might be the case here.

      • Yes, it is illegal to discriminate in rental housing on source of funds, which has been interpreted to mean you can’t refuse someone with a guarantor.

      • You can sometimes circumvent them with stellar credit.

      • Yeah, I know about this (although, some places have been able to get around this. A friend with wealthy parents a few years ago was denied buying rights for a condo at the Watergate because- at least at the time- the Watergate only accepted buyers with a certain income. Wealthy parents were not enough). Just saying that those income requirements sometimes protect us from ridiculous rich kids/interns who haven’t earned anything and are rude to those of us trying to make a living. I live in a quiet building without staff. That means we really have little recourse when a 21 year-old intern is being loud or obnoxious- this isn’t dorm housing. The whole situation succeeds only when all of the neighbors buy into being quiet and considerate.

        • Watergate is a coop – coops have a lot of latitude about income/asset requirements – they can be as high as they want – they just have to apply them to everybody in non-discriminatory fashion.

          I wish my coop had rejected an offer from a young trust fund baby with a rich father guarantor. We didn’t think about how it might be. She was a bit of nightmare.

    • Blithe

      Reading your first rant made me wonder if the new person could be trying to cover up lingering odors to avoid appearing rude. If they — or another co-worker — has smelly food, a gym bag under their desk, digestive issues…. that bother the new person or that they think might bother someone else, they may view an ever-present air freshener as being the least obtrusive way of dealing with the problem. Do you and the new person have a mutual supervisor who might be able to assess the situation and intervene?

      • Thanks. We don’t have a mutual supervisor, but we have a safety person at the agency who is supposed to crack down on air fresheners and things like this. If it continues after she’s been told to not do it, I’ll just have to go that route. Someone already told her it is not allowed, but she said she would just use it in the morning before people come in. Wow. Apparently, the new person has already made complaints that her desk area smells bad. She spent a lot of time cleaning it yesterday. Based on her attitude to other staff, I have a feeling we just hired a bad person, and we’re going to regret it sooner than later. Bad signs are there.

        • Interesting how times have changed. I’ve been considered the bad person in the past for being highly allergic to such stuff at work.

    • If someone standing outside can have a direct line of sight into other people’s apartments, maybe it’s time for blinds/curtains?

      • +1
        The guy has every right to smoke outside. And yes, he’s probably going to be bored while smoking and stare off into space. It doesn’t sound like he’s intentionally staring into your apartment.
        It could be much, much worse – i.e. smoking in the apartment and seeping through the walls into neighbors’ apartments or the hallway.
        Is this the same person who wrote about the Marriot sign at the NoMa Metro station?

        • Oh, c’mon- me, the Marriot poster? That’s mean. 🙂 But seriously, it’s just weird having a guy linger right outside people’s windows at night time- that’s just something you don’t do. He could go out in the front of the building where it is more public and publicly acceptable to linger. And yes, I’ll need to close my blinds all the way now at night. Bummer.

          • Yes, it is rude to stand right outside of people’s windows, rather than to go further away – but young folk are often clueless and don’t pick up on these things until later in life. (I know I didn’t get a lot of things when younger.) Why not be direct and tell him the smoke coming in bothers you, and ask him to go elsewhere? He may not be being intentionally creepy, and it might just work.

          • ^ This. So many of the issues people bring here haven’t been discussed with the person to give them a chance to resolve it.

  • Rant: ADA compliance has become the bane of my existence. $80,000+ in permits and construction costs and I’m virtually guaranteed to never recover that as revenue from those effected because of the type of business. If anyone ever wondered how someone could vote Republican it’s because of regulations like this.

    • Allison

      “guaranteed to never recover that as revenue from those [a]ffected” — the ADA is not intended for you to be able to recover revenue from those affected (I assume you mean those who need accommodations.)

      • justinbc

        Yeah, this is one of those things where the “good of the whole” is valued more heavily than that of the proprietor, even if it’s not financially viable. I can understand your frustration (even if I don’t agree with it), but that’s just part of doing business in the U.S. where we have standards that (should) apply to everyone.

    • It costs money to make money. Sounds like you’re lucky you had that money to begin with.

    • yeah, making it so people with disabilities or injuries can participate fully in society is pretty crappy

      • + 1 million. I think there are a lot of building codes that seem nitpicky and can place an unreasonable burden on an average home owner just trying to make improvements. The ADA does not fall into this category. Nor do I feel sorry for a business complaining about having to spend $80K on meeting those codes. As someone above said, you’re lucky to even have that much to spend.

    • palisades

      Maybe you should have researched it better? Saved more money? Gotten another job? Generic Republican response?

  • Big ol’ rant: PAYROLL. Our HQ is in the middle of nowhere USA so it’s a pretty frequent problem that they somehow can’t figure out the rules, etc. of DC. Three weeks ago they decided that since I work in DC, I should pay DC taxes, and not VA where I reside. Arguing with the HR folks has been a nightmare and I’m sure I won’t see the difference in money ever again. We’re a freakin’ fortune 500 company, can’t we hire someone who actually studied US tax laws? My raise was supposed to go into effect for this week’s payroll but with paying the higher tax rate I’m actually make less than before. ARGH!

    Does anyone know if this means I need to file two different state taxes next year? Thanks PoPvillers for giving me a place to rant.

    • justinbc

      If you live in VA (for the entire year) you should be paying VA taxes. There are reciprocity agreements that your HR office should be taking care of on your behalf, especially for that large of a company.

    • You’d file a DC nonresident tax return just to recover what was paid in error. You’ll say you lived in VA all year, etc, and you’ll get the money back fairly quickly. You only need to file to get the money back, but who wouldn’t want “free” money.

      • Thanks! Do you know if I have to wait until next year, or is that something I can do once it is fixed?

        • You gotta wait until next year as far as I know, but you may want to call DC OTR. I guess the thought process is maybe you’ll move here or something later in the year.

    • If they mistakenly had you in DC, and took out DC Tax, then you need to file in DC to get that money back.

      • No, if it is still in the same quarter of the year as when the tax was deducted, you should be able to get your company to fix it, as they file some report quarterly – at least this is what my company did for me when there was an error like that – they can alter your withholding going back within that timeframe. I don’t know what how soon after the end of the quarter their filing date was – so get on this quick with someone in payroll.

      • Even if you can’t get them to fix it going back, make them fix it going forward. Any idiot who has lived in one state and worked in another knows you pay where you live – it isn’t rocket science. You should not have to wait to get your money back. Make it clear to them that they are in violation of the law by doing this wrong.

        • Thanks so much, I do have the request in for them to change it so hopefully that’s done sooner rather than later. I’ll ask about the quarterly report to see if I can bypass filing in DC next year, I’m worried I won’t remember.

  • Gorgeous picture!
    Rave: Banana bread with peanut butter for breakfast.
    Rant: Cold and rainy.
    Rave: Man of La Mancha at STC was awesome. We had great seats, the set design was incredible, and the acting and singing was superb!
    Rave: Truffle making class with my mom for her birthday!

  • I Dont Get It

    Rant: I had a staredown with the neighboring Bruja (she lives on the other side of the back fence) at the corner market last night. She met Wiccan Dog Sitter when they were Census takers and even though I was only on nodding acquaintance with her she shared surprisingly accurate details about me with him which helps explain why she was fired as a Census Taker for turning in overly detailed reports.
    Rave: I told WDS that I ran into her and he said he would take care of it.
    Rant: My block is like a broke down version of “Bewitched.”
    Rave-ish: I think I may have found a solution for my leaky windows—interior storm windows! Has anyone had any experience with them? I’m wondering how pricy they are, none of the websites list prices which drives me crazy.

    • Do we have to sage smudge the neighborhood Bruja?

    • I had friend who had old, falling apart single-pane casement windows, and she had interior storm windows on the inside (looked exactly like the exterior version, aluminum frame, double hung sliders) and they worked great. In the summer, slide one up, crank out the rickety casement for air. In the winter, no drafts.

    • Aren’t census takers supposed to treat that kind of information as confidential?

      • I Dont Get It

        Sorry, not sure if am confusing folks. The info she had on me was from other neighbors and probably from peeking over the fence or into my windows not from the Census Bureau. She was fired for providing details on her reports that was not required. Plus she is a crazy Bruja.

  • Bear

    Rave: My week off is lovely so far. Spent the last two days digging up part of our lawn to make room for a bigger flower/veggie garden. Also painted wicker lawn furniture that we got for a steal at the thrift store, and got some acupuncture. So far I have successfully avoided email.
    Rant: I am old and my back is screaming today. Ice packs are my friend.
    Extra rave: Down 7 pounds in the last 6 weeks. Almost ready to start trying on wedding dresses!

  • Anonynon

    Rave: Started chatting with a new girl who I am head over heels for…trying to play it cool though11!!!
    Rave: Nats tonight
    Rant: Please don’t rain delay

  • Blithe

    Rave: Yes, you CAN make french toast with hot cross buns. Looks odd, tastes great.
    Rave: Pleasantly startled by a video on npr ( Freedom Seder) that featured people that I knew as a child, and that reminded me of my activist roots. Very cool surprise.
    Rave: Completed a couple of long overdue projects over the weekend. I get by with a little help from my friends. 🙂

    • French toast with hot cross buns sounds way way way better than with matzoh.

      • Blithe

        I dunno. Last week I made matzo brei with salami — and I’d probably give it the win, but I tend to like salty things better than sweet stuff.

      • +1. But I will say that I’ve been LOVING matzoh brei this week.

      • I’ve been eating matzoh brei every day for breakfast this week. I’m so over it and all other foods egg or matzoh related.

        • I have a basil fritatta recipe that I love to eat for breakfast over Passover. It does use baking soda (though you can find kosher for Passover baking soda, believe it or not) & I replace the little bit of flour with matzoh meal. It is egg-based, but so super yummy.
          Lunches have been chicken salad made from the soup chicken. I try hard to mostly avoid matzoh, etc, and just focus on the things that I can eat and would eat normally–so Shepard’s pie/crock pot meatloaf on a bed of potatoes/etc are Passover dinner staples. Hope you’re able to find something satisfying to eat soon! We’re almost there….

  • Pablo Raw

    Rave: Weather that allows me to wear my 70’s leather jacket that I got from Etsy at a ridiculous price.

  • RAVE: Got genetic screening results. Everything looks fine 🙂 No additional reason to investigate more invasive diagnostic testing. Woot! Now to decide when to start telling folks. Besides you guys on this anonymous forum, of course 😉

    • Emmaleigh504

      hurray! I say tell them now, but I can’t hold onto secrets to save my life 🙂

      • It has been a bit hard. Told a few select people & will tell my boss later today or tomorrow. Will likely alert some family this week & then perhaps sit tight for a little bit. 🙂

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: Reading proposals at home, on my bed with a cat at my feet. It is pretty much impossible for work to be any pleasanter than this.
    Rave It’s spring! Birds are chirping like crazy.
    Rave: It’s spring! It’s Campari weather!
    Rave: Let’s be honest, I’ll drink Campari any time of year.

  • Late Rant: My lunch gets interrupted almost every day at work by someone asking me to do something or having an impromptu meeting. I’ve tried closing my “cubicle” door but people just talk through it, and I’ve tried telling people I’m taking lunch. The only thing left to do is leave my office (hard when I bring lunch that needs microwaving) or putting a giant sign up that says “DO NOT DISTURB.” I wish there was a better way… How come people still interrupt when they see you eating?!

    • Emmaleigh504

      This is my pet peeve. We have some folks to will respect the lunch time, but so many don’t. I just started taking longer lunches or leaving early to compensate. We have pretty flexible schedules so I can do it, I don’t know what I would do if we had a rigid schedule. Probably go postal.

    • Allison

      Hmm, I suppose there is a disconnect between you and your office culture. I know a lot of workers (myself included) who don’t mind being interrupted while eating at their desk. I think you might be in the minority, so it’s up to you to make your wish to take a defined, uninterrupted 30 minute lunch break clear to them.

      • Yeah, close your door and put up a sign – “off for lunch – come back after x time.” That should do it. Others don’t mind being talked to while eating, so you can’t expect people to read your mind, unfortunately.

        • justinbc

          Yeah I was going to suggest a sign too., but that all depends on your office culture. Or, now that it’s actually getting nice out, nuke it then take it outside if there’s somewhere nearby to sit.

        • Allison

          I don’t think a sign on your door would be bad, necessarily. You could even make it funny to take the edge off — “I’ve been looking forward to spending some alone time with this amazing sandwich all day. Please come back at 12:30”

          • +1. This would be better. I don’t mind putting up a sign but I don’t want it to come off the wrong way. (Then again, maybe I shouldn’t worry so much since I heard my director tell my supervisor “I’m eating, come back later” the other day before he got moer than 2 words out of his mouth…” Then again, I am not the director.)

    • One would think that closing your cubicle “door” (your cubicle has a door??) would be enough, but since apparently it isn’t, is there a break room you can go to and eat your lunch in without being bothered?

      • ha posted this before I did below. I am just as amazed she has a door. Oh what I would give to have a door on my cube!

        • Haha, I do! It’s like a sheer sliding door. It is nice, but it doesn’t work. And there isn’t anywhere else near my office to sit. We do have a cafeteria downstairs that is usually packed to the brim, but I might need to start doing that, or as justin said, going outside.

          • Wow! I thought you meant you blocked the opening with a chair or something. Never seen what you described.

          • Emmaleigh504

            We had a guy here who draped a curtain from one side of his cube to the other so he could have a door. It was a bright cheery yellow with little red flowers. Everyone thought he as strange, but I thought he was a genius. No one bothered him when he had the curtain up.

    • whoah, you have a door on your cube?! I have only seen this once in government office space.

  • skj84

    Rant: Googlemaps. The directions to my interview in Tysons indicated the office was a six minute walk from Greensboro metro. Not untrue. Unfortenly the directions did not indicate there was no sidewalk whatsover to walk on! I had to Uber from the metro to the office. I could literally see the metro from the office. Thankfully Tysons Corner was a 11 minute walk away. ANd was along sidewalks.

    Rave: Hanging out in VA today. I actually do like Clarendon, though I know it gets a lot of hate. Grabbing lunch at Northside Social.

    • Clarendon during the day/happy hour/early evening = bueno.
      Clarendon after 9pm = no bueno.
      <3 Northside Social!

      • jim_ed

        Lies! There are few things in this area quite as fascinating as Clarendon after last call on a weekend. Especially in front of either Spider Kelly’s/Clarendon Ballroom or Hunan No. 1.

        • Fascinating…that’s a great word for it! Totally agree haha. Spider Kelly’s in general after 9pm is fascinating.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Hope the interview went well!

  • Rave: I’m a Badger
    Rant: I’m still sad about Monday
    Rave: If history repeats itself, only 73 years until we make the finals again.

  • I Dont Get It

    Bonus Rave That Couldn’t Wait Until Tomorrow (BRTCWUT) not to be confused with BRTCWUT (Bonus Rant That Couldn’t wait Until Tomorrow): I got approved to go to a PM/BA conference. This is the first external training approved by my cheap *ss NGO since since 2006.
    BRTCWUT: It’s in Arlington.
    BRTCWUT: There’s a session titled “Virtual Collaboration – Maximizing Collaboration on Conference Calls.”* I’ll provide tips on here the next day.

    *Put your damn phone on mute!

  • Rave: first Meetup last night went well. Everyone was nice, and I think I’ll see them regularly. 🙂
    Rant: I’m sick. Going to miss a show I wanted to see because of it.
    Rave: I was able to call in sick at work even though I have less than 2 weeks left before I leave the job. I work for the government, so I figured my boss would let me take it. Can’t talk today so what’s the point of going to work when I talk to people all day.

    • What kind of Meet Up group did you join? I’m always overwhelmed by the sheer number of Meet Up groups that exist to even narrow down one that looks interesting.

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