Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user  Phil

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

328 Comment

  • Rant: Caught the toddler’s cold and it is kicking my butt.
    Update: I was busy on Friday, so I didn’t get to respond to anyone asking which Congressman would hit on me in my apartment building. He is a young Illinois rep who is NOT Aaron Schock. You guess, I will confirm. Should be pretty easy.

    • Oh man, catching toddler bugs is the worst!

      • I know, right? They seem to hit me harder than they do her too. I refer to her as one big walking germ right now. She’s been sick 4 times since the 1st of the year.

        • I used to be largely immune from my kiddo’s bugs–or at least I wouldn’t get as sick as she did. But ever since I got pregnant, that went out the window! She’s working on another cold right now & was up coughing last night, and I’m just trying to keep my distance from sharing germs as much as possible. Ugh. Fortunately, she is chipper and feels fine, so I’m not withholding needed snuggles or anything 🙂
          Related rant: day care notice about a case of stomach virus in her classroom today. Ewww. Those are the worst!

    • unsubstantiated guess: jesse jackson jr?

    • Ally


      • Ding ding ding! You get the gold star for the day.

        • Ally

          Is he married (not that that tends to stop them…I had a married Senator on my tail when I was in my 20s)?

          • Ally

            If not, he’s not entirely bad looking. Except for that whole party affiliation thing 😉

          • He isn’t married and is pretty good looking

          • I’m pretty sure he still isn’t married, but he definitely wasn’t during the time period we lived in the same building. However, I was engaged and living with my fiance, which he did seem to know (he wouldn’t even look at me when my fiance was with me, but would find any reason to chat me up if I was by myself). My husband still finds it pretty hilarious. But yes, definitely not bad looking.

  • Rave: first!
    Rave: weather slowly but surely getting warmer.
    Rave: No one hurt in the Saint Ex brick incident. The older I get, the more I realize how fragile life is. That could have been all she wrote for someone.
    Rant: The sun doesn’t rise until after 7 am!

  • Becks

    Rave: I planted tomato, sweet pepper, jalapeno, and dahlia seeds over the weekend! It felt good to get the garden cleaned up and ready for Spring!
    Rant: It is still cold and I may have planted the seeds outside too early.
    Rave: One of my college buddies will be in DC this week. I can’t wait to catch up and see what they have been doing. College seems ages ago!
    Rant: I babied my knee all weekend and now my thigh hurts. Thank goodness for Aspercream!

  • Rant: Certified mail delivery was never attempted yet it was returned to me. Multiple letters haven’t made it to Baltimore either. The usps is in a death spiral.
    Rant/rave: Nutritionist is going over my diet tonight. I think I’m significantly under necessary calories, but hey, the drive tonight still be entertaining.
    Rave: The heavy woman who usually squashes me into the wall on the bus didn’t sit next to me today.
    Rave: Had a great time dancing Saturday night even if none of the pop lesbians bothered to come. Randomly met up with ladies from a fb group, and my dance moves were good enough to get invited to a Latin dancing meetup. I really want to learn Latin dance!

    • You can blame congress for this. The Post Master General has had to make dramatic decisions about the USPS which impacts the level of service we expect. Since congress won’t allow the USPS to make a profit but rather balance the year with a 0 (all bills and expenses paid + employee compensation and benefits etc), its no wonder we don’t have the kind of USP that serves the country well.

  • emvee

    Rave: I spent a lovely weekend in Charlottesville for a friend’s bridal shower.
    Rant: Parking ticket Nazis in DC. I do not own a car, but I took a rental down to aforementioned bridal shower. I got in late and parked the rental by my house, knowing I’d move it before the permit parking went into effect. I then got a ticket this morning for a ROSA violation, because apparently other people who’d taken this rental car had parked it in the city and gotten the warnings. I went to contest the ticket online, and it wasn’t in the system yet. I called the DMV and they told me that each time I plan on parking a rental overnight on the street, I need to go into the DMV and secure a parking permit for those periods of time. I don’t need a visitor’s permit, because that’s only applicable for during the day, I need a special night-only permit to avoid getting a ROSA violation. So what do I do? Obviously, I’m going to try to contest this, because it’s absurd. But in the future? One of the main reasons I don’t have a car is so that I don’t have to deal with this madness, and here it is, finding me anyways.

    • I find owning easier than dealing with rentals for just that reason. I blame the other renters for not telling the rental company because they probably would have taken care of it if they knew.

      • Your reasoning makes sense, but shows how awful it is to include rentals (short term, not leases) in ROSA restrictions. If it’s actively discouraging people from going carless or reducing the number of cars they own, it’s probably bad policy.

        • I don’t think parking enforcement has the ability to determine whether a car is a rental or not. They just ticket based on license plate.

        • Can the traffic cop tell it’s a rental in the system? I don’t think so, but making it so they could may help. Rental only really isn’t an option as I have a large dog which is generally prohibited in rentals. Maybe 1 day I’ll be able to seriously consider it.

      • emvee

        Yeah I tried to make Enterprise deal with it, but they were all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • “[T]hey told me that each time I plan on parking a rental overnight on the street, I need to go into the DMV and secure a parking permit for those periods of time.” — That sounds crazy. And I wish you luck with your appeal of the ticket.

    • houseintherear

      And yet a woman has been parking her Md-registered car on our street every single day for 6 years without one single ticket. Grrrrr DC!

      • She likely has a rosa exemption which means she gets at least 1 warning a year or she’s the luckiest owner in DC.

      • is this on Harvard Street? I see that car alllll the time!

      • I’ve recently gone to battle against a Range Rover that keeps illegally parking on my block and not being ticketed. You can report the car online to 311, but you do have to enter some of your own info. If that isn’t effective (311 lied and said the car was gone), they will transfer you to the police on Sundays when police have the responsibility to enforce parking.

  • RAVE: Saturday was so beautiful, so there was an impromptu trip to Calvert Cliffs, where I was sort of thrust back into the sensory memories of being there at 2 or 3 years of age. I think I pooped in my bathing suit, and was upset. My friend found some shark teeth, but I was slightly disappointed not to casually stumble upon a megalodon tooth.

    RANT: totally out of walking shape, OMG! My lower back gets real tight when I’m walking for long distances. Caveat: I *may* have put on some unneeded weight this winter, which would explain some lower back strain. MUST LOSE WEIGHT! Also, MUST WORK ON HAMSTRINGS!

    RAVE/RANT: Must get a massage soon (see above). Also, I really would like to see more footrubs in my life, compared to the zero that I currently receive.

  • Rant: Seriously, how hard is it for recycling crews and trash collection crews to put bins back where they got them?! I think they’re showing contempt for us by leaving bins and broken glass all over my alley, and every time a collection happens, there’s at least 2 cans blocking my alley parking spot. I’d love to hire a private service instead, but I’m already paying for this shoddy service by DC.

    Rant: The porthole and construction road repair in DC is deplorable. There should be better standards for people who need to tear up roads to repair them properly.

    Rant: It seems like Sweet Mangos on GA Ave is declining… They’re always out of stuff and the place isn’t being maintained well. I’d love to see it turn into something cool, loungey, and more useful, like a starbucks.

    Rave: Finally cleaned my house and set up my office properly. Got a desk set form Office Depot originally for $360 and it went on sale for $220 the next week, got my money back and bought a comfy chair! It was all meant to be!

    • OMG, I totally agree with you. Every time I go for jerked chicken (white meat) I’m told they’re out. Mind you, I go between 6 – 8 PM which I consider normal dinner time. How can you be out during dinner rush? ERRRRRRRRRGH. I have patronized this place for so long and I don’t even live close by. Further, I just hate going to TROPICANA since I haven’t found another place that makes jerked chicken the way Sweet Mango does.

  • Rant: Terps’ dismal loss
    Rave: No more March Madness heartbreak for me, as both of my love teams are dead now
    Rave: Starting this week, I work from home 3 days a week instead of 2–happy dance!
    Rave: My niece and hubby are at hospital waiting for their 3rd sweet baby (first girl) to be born

    • Ugh indeed on the Terps. They kept me up late too!

      • Anonynon

        Tough loss…WVU can have their ‘scrap yard ball’ victory. Sad to see Dez end his career on one of his worst games ever. Layman also has been horrible recently…hopefully that will encourage him to stick around for his senior year. Future is bright, with Melo.

  • Rave: Resident turnout for the Emergency PSA 407 meeting Saturday

    Rant: NOT ONE candidate that is running for Ward 4 council showed up!

  • Rave: Very busy weekend visiting with friends.
    Rave: I had an awesome play date with my favorite toddler. I felt like a bit of an imposter at the playground when people asked me how old the little man was. Do I have to confess that he isn’t my kid?
    Realization: Going out in public with a small child is like walking a puppy. It is an immediate entrance ticket into a new club. Lots of conversations with random strangers.
    Rant: My legs really hurt from trekking up and down hills while pushing a stroller.

    • Allison

      Is is selfish that one of the reasons (albeit, near the bottom of the list) I want a kid is to join that exclusive club of parent-friends?
      Also, another way to get into the random strangers club is to wear a sports jersey around town. I found that out accidentally when wore my Strasburg jersey early in the morning when I was going to a Nats game later that afternoon. All of a sudden the whole world wanted to talk to me, which kind of freaked my introverted self out. Now I only wear my jerseys to the game and back home again, unless I want to be chatted up.

      • Farragut

        But you never want to be chatted u–Oooohhh…. 🙂

      • Allison, I don’t think it is selfish. A lot of my friends have taken that idea (joining the club of parent-friends) as one (minor, and of many) consideration in deciding whether or not to have kids. Because I do think that if you are childless, your dynamic with parent-friends does change. In my experience, it takes more effort to stay close to those people (especially when they are in the midst of the challenging baby/toddler years).

  • Rave: A whole gallon of iced coffee in the office fridge just for me this week.
    Rant: Three papers and two presentations in the next five weeks (o hai there grad school). So ready to be done. Thus, life is on hold until further notice.
    Rave: Bought new clothes for work this past weekend. Feeling much less shabby in my overdressed building now!

  • Rant: Running didn’t work out yesterday. This doesn’t bode well.
    Rave: Turned into a nice walk & got to see the new Andean bear cubs from a distance! So cute!!!
    Rant: Stayed up late watching March Madness, then fell asleep on the couch–>had trouble falling asleep when I finally went to bed.
    Rant: Kiddo woke me up at 4am, and I had trouble falling back asleep after that rendezvouz as well. She stayed up for ages talking and giggling, but at least didn’t require a second parental visit.
    Rave: Not as out of it this morning as I’d expect?

    • Oh – forgot! We checked out the Harrison playground yesterday, and it was just as cool as folks here suggested it is! We’ll definitely have to go back!

  • Question: anyone see what happened to a black suburban outside Garden District on saturday night? We were walking back from dinner and saw it being towed by police, surrounded by several police cars and flashing lights. Curiously, there were no plates on either the front or back of the car, so we suspected that it had been pulled over for lack of plates and possibly towed on suspicion of being stolen when the driver couldn’t produce any registration/other any info. But really curious about what actually went down.

  • epric002

    rant: mother effing dishwasher. it stopped working 2 weeks ago. they finally fixed it saturday morning and it worked for a whole day and now doesn’t work anymore. GAAAAAAAH! so sick of washing dishes.
    rant: bracket = busted
    rant: it is too cold outside.
    rave: not nearly as cranky as the rants would suggest.

    • Ally

      What was wrong with it before? Luckily it’s one of the (relatively) cheaper appliances comparatively, so you can always break up with it permanently if need be.

      • epric002

        the circuit board/control panel had stopped working so they replaced it (lights were flashing before, but i couldn’t run the machine). now no lights will come on at all and i can’t run the machine. ARG!

        • Maybe the system had a short.

        • Ally

          Hopefully you can get the same repairman back out to fix it at little or no cost, since they didn’t really fix it the first time around.

          • epric002

            the repairman himself is very nice, but the admin/office support for this company is terrible. they’re coming back out this afternoon, but if they can’t fix it for real i’m finding another company.

          • I use Wooten Appliance for my appiances, and they are FABULOUS. We’ve been really happy with them over the years. They take extra care to give a sense of whether it’s time to replace something or not, regardless of whether it’s in their short-term financial interest to do so. If you end up going elsewhere, look them up.

          • epric002

            thanks for the suggestion mtpresident!

        • I Dont Get It

          Have you turned it off at the circuit breaker and then turned back on?

        • Bear

          This happened to my dishwasher – water was getting into the circuit board from the dish drainer that was on the counter above the dishwasher, so it shorted out. If you have a similar set up put a towel or something absorbent on the counter to catch any drips.

  • Ally

    Rant: Busy week involving lots of packing. Roommate moves out tomorrow, Husband moves in Saturday.
    Rave: Finally getting to live wit my husband.
    Rave: I read that in the 2nd trimester, I’m supposed to be dreaming about baby animals and cute woodland creatures. Instead, I dreamed last night that I single-handedly took out the whole North Korean army, Kill-Bill style.

  • What do you all think of feeding the wildlife? Especially in the presence of “don’t feed the wildlife” signs? Especially when the “wildlife” is not at all wild, but critters like ducks in landscaped park ponds? Ducks who, without other food, would otherwise eat every scrap of plant life they can reach? Oops, just betrayed my own position….

    • Ally

      It’s a complicated topic. I love feeding birds myself in the wild. Hell, I am even one of those rare people who likes seagulls! But, I have read a few articles talking about how feeding bread to ducks, in large quantities, can actually cause some big environmental problems (gets into the ponds, causes harmful bacteria that can kill fish, etc). But, I think in small quantities it’s okay (they advised leaving a small amount them walking at least 50 feet away before leaving any more bread. I guess the only other possible issue I can think of is that not all humans are nice. So, training wild ones to get close to humans can have bad results for the animals. But, I hear you — and as a total bleeding-heart animal lover, I love feeding them. Personal recommendation, though… don’t feed seagulls in a parking lot out of the window of your car. Your formerly silver car will not only turn white; you may end up with extra passengers 😉

      • Ha! We had a baboon jump in our car in South Africa. I just about soiled myself. Those things are terrifying.
        I sort of feel like don’t-feed-the-wildlife signs are for other people, not for me. They’re for the parents I saw encouraging their kids to throw cheetos to the ducks. Each one made a ring of oil on the water surface.
        I like to save bread heels in the freezer, and take 3-4 to the park each time. Whole grain bread for ducks. Less waste from this household that refuses heels.

        • “I sort of feel like don’t-feed-the-wildlife signs are for other people, not for me.” Come on — presumably if someone has made the effort to put up the signs, it’s for a good reason. See MsSunshine’s post below about the dead ducklings.

          • Agree – feeding bread to ducks is harmful to their health.

          • My work has signs to this effect — apparently people thought they were feeding the cute squirrels, not realizing that they were also supporting the not-so-cute rat population.

    • People feeding the ducklings crap in Lafayette Park last spring killed a couple dozen of them. It was very sad to walk through the park and watch them being fished out of the fountains.

  • janie4

    Rave – progress going on my dig out of the basement quickly.

    Rant – this is making me really broke.

    Rave – i like my excavator a lot.

    Rant – have to have some invasive tests. Not looking forward to it. Also, I lost at bingo last weekend.

  • Rave: Hana Market. I found some snacks I love at almost cost there; might be a side effect of the weakened yen however, not complaining.
    Rave: waking up after sleeping around 11:30. I should do that more often.
    Rant: tried making beet chips and then burned them. There’s such a tiny window between them being properly crisp and then just char chips.

  • Rant: I’m a lady in my mid-30s, and I think it’s time to accept that I’m losing my hair. It’s incredibly demoralizing, but I’m trying to remember that it’s just hair, nothing that seriously affects my health. I’m making various doctor’s appointments, even though I know chances are good it’s genetic (my mom has it too) and that there’s not much I can do, except hide it with styling as long as I can, and then with wigs or whatnot when I can’t. Sigh.

    • I’m not an expert on this, but have you considered hair replacement therapy? I can understand how losing your hair can be demoralizing for a woman!

    • Sucks. Don’t forget hats – you could develop a great style.

    • Female pattern baldness runs in my family (mother, grandmother), and I had some bad breakage for a while, but I’ve recently seen improvement. I use sulfur free shampoo and lots of conditioners with daily oil. I am Black, so my regimen may ultimately leave your hair an oily mess, but keeping things hydrated/oiled seems to be doing the trick. There is also female rogaine. Stress could be making it worse, and I had a bit of that as well until maybe the last 6 months when I’ve seen the most improvement.

    • *hugs* I’m in a similar situation (had intermittant alopecia for years that has now become persistent) – my hair has always been thin but now it’s really thin. I’ve seen doctors and a lot of them aren’t familiar with this (one insisted going gluten-free would solve everything – I have a lot of diet/stomach issues, so for me gluten-free isn’t really a sustainable option right now). Stress also does make it worse, which doesn’t help! Would love to know if you have any luck with doctors being helpful/having suggestions. Good luck!

    • Keep those doctor’s appointments! A few years I got a very noticable bald spot which I thought I just had to deal with. Eventually some hairs filled back in but it makes my styling options limited. I finally went to the derm and I’m seeing some improvement in just a few weeks! Of course, now I know I should have went to the drs in the beginning.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rave: Slept practically the whole weekend. I feel rested today!
    Rant: Feels like I didn’t get a weekend b/c I didn’t do anything but sleep.
    Rant: really difficult task at work. I have no idea wtf to do with this stuff.
    Rave: gives me an excuse to procrastinate so my brain can marinate in the information.

    • Congrats on sleeping – when you need it you need it!

    • We did that two weekends ago and it helped tremendously. Was a little concerned about not getting anything done. But made up for it throughout the week and this weekend with all the extra energy I had.

  • Rant: Monday
    Rave: Mom is coming into town Thurs-Mon for our annual “girl’s shopping around DC weekend.” Is it bad that I actually make a list of things throughout the year and only shop for them when Mom’s in town? I guess perhaps just as bad as her list of places she wants to eat at while she’s here!
    Rant: Last year at this time we were planning to meet up in Las Vegas instead. Ugh, warm sunshine.
    Rave: My new, even pixier pixie cut is getting a lot of positive feedback. Makes me feel so much better about that whole “Sir” at Starbucks thing last week.

    • Don’t worry about the sir thing. I used to get called that all the time with short hair, even when wearing a skirt, and when not slender anymore and quite curvy. They just don’t look past the hair. If you like it, then like your look.

      • Allison

        I have shoulder length hair. I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago with no makeup on and wearing my snow beanie hat, with my hair clearly showing out the bottom. Still got called “sir.” Does wonders for the self esteem! 😀

      • Yup. I was called “sir” while wearing a dress with leggings and high heeled boots, and a pixie cut.

  • Any one try out the new Bikram yoga place on Georgia Ave this weekend?

  • Rave: Fantastic long run on Saturday – feel ready for April races.
    Rave: Birthday for grad school buddy on Saturday hadn’t seen in years – nice to reconnect
    Rave: Brunch and shopping with good friend on Sunday
    Rave: New lifting routine for spring started
    Rant: I’m already sore…

  • Rave: Lazy weekends are the best. That is all.
    Rave: The Bridge is so good. It started out slow, so I wasn’t sure I was going to stick with it. But I’m glad I did, because it is so smart and thoughtful and nuanced. And Diane Kruger is so funny.
    Rave: Walking commute. I get lazy about doing it sometimes (and the fact that I usually oversleep doesn’t exactly help.) But it is so relaxing and gets me to the office in such a better frame of mind when I have the time to do it.

  • Rant: Son got punched in the face by another kid (on purpose), splitting his lip and knocking him off his feet, while he was playing. Parents showed no signs of being distraught at all, not even an apology for their son’s behavior. My kid is okay, but I’m still livid.

    Rave: Proud that my son didn’t retaliate. We’ve worked really hard to make sure our kid knows that violence is wrong.

    • Prince Of Petworth

      Yikes. So sorry to hear that. Where did it happen?

      • We were at a kid’s hair salon in Maryland. Might have said something, but there were dozens of kids around and I didn’t want to cause a scene.

        • Agreed with others below that this sounds scary! But I think you would have been in the right to say something to the kid and/or parents, scene-causing be damned. Totally inappropriate for one kid to punch another.

          • Frankly, this is the first time we’ve dealt with something like this, and later on I feel like I did my son a disservice by not saying anything, even if it was loudly saying “that was not nice!” I was just so shocked. I guess I’ll know better for next time.

          • Holy crap, three years old? Wow. I would have been totally shocked too–so I can totally understand your non-response. If you haven’t already, might be worth a follow-up conversation with your son about what the other little boy did was wrong and perhaps even that you wish you had said something & were sorry that you didn’t. But yeah, I might have been stunned speechless too. I just wanted to mention that I think you would not have been inappropriate to say something–didn’t mean to imply you were in the wrong for not doing something. Like I said, can totally envision how a shocked non-response would happen.

    • Ally

      Jeeze, that’s scary and sorry that happened! Roughly how old were the boys, if you don’t mind my asking?

    • You should have called the police. Do not tolerate assault.

    • Accountering

      To your Rave: Interesting philosophy. I certainly feel differently. I agree that violence is wrong, but certainly believe in defending yourself, especially in situations like this..
      Sucks that happened though, and without knowing the context, the other parents certainly should have taken action, as well as apologizing to you and your son.

      • Yeah, I’m vehemently opposed to my daughter hitting people, but if she swatted someone who punched her in the face I’d be fine with it. In fact, I’d support it – petite little girls can be at the mercy of larger kids, and knowing how to stick up for yourself is a life skill.

        • That was my instant fear: little kid becomes afraid to defend himself. All the petite little girls at my gym are very capable. Self defense should be a part of gym, imo.

        • The only problem with that, is you don’t know the capability of your opponent (especially as they get older). Therefore, if somehow you find yourself hitting someone that has some boxing experience, you could end up really hurt.

          But I agree, self defense is a life skill.

          • True, but the boxer started the fight, so you’re no better off choosing to be his punching bag. Numerous cases of kids fighting the bully one good time to be left alone indefinitely.

          • boxers… the true reason to learn jiu-jitsu for self defense 🙂

  • Hi all. Infertility Lady here. I post enough about infertility here that I figure it’s time I get a special handle for it.
    Today I come to you for Carolyn Hax-style advice. I’m a lady in my mid-30s and have been trying for about 20 months to get pregnant. In that time, I had one “chemical pregnancy” (early miscarriage) but otherwise it’s just been very frustrating and depressing. My husband and I have been to about a dozen specialists and our diagnosis is “unexplained infertility,” meaning that the doctors can’t find anything actually wrong with either of us. We’re both in excellent health otherwise. We’re starting to do IVF this month.
    My question is about how to deal with a set of friends who got pregnant right around the time of my miscarriage. The lady is one of my closest friends — we share everything, good and bad, and see each other at least once a week. Now that they have a newborn, the newborn is the center of their life, as she should be. It seems like 80% of conversations with this couple are about parenthood. I gently try to steer the conversation elsewhere because it makes me really sad to focus on it, and am very open about the fact that I’m extremely upset about my own situation, but am finding that the conversation always returns to that subject right away. I’m not sure I can be any more blunt without doing more damage to the friendship — I’m been direct, so being more direct would entail basically shutting down the conversation they most want to have.
    Do you all think this friendship is doomed (unless IVF works, that is)? Can you recommend any ways for me to draw better boundaries without telling them that I can’t handle all the parenting talk?

    • I haven’t EXACTLY been in your shoes, as we were MFI and had success with our first IVF. We are very lucky. However, knowing that it will take more IVF to get pregnant again if we ever decide to have another child, I find it hard to get very excited when people are naturally able to do it. “Oh, we decided last month we’re ready and now I’m pregnant!”. It’s a defense mechanism to just not care but also partly because I’m jealous.
      That said, you have every right to just distance yourself from them for a while and find a few people who you can really discuss this with. I, personally, found an IVF support group online that was really helpful. It doesn’t have to mean that your friendship is over, but you aren’t getting the support you need from a good friend at a time you need it. RESOLVE is another good support group. Good luck! And I’m happy to talk about our experiences.

    • They probably CAN’T stop talking about babylife. For some people, new baby absolutely consumes them. You can’t tell them to stop talking about it any more than they can tell you to stop worrying about your own situation. It’s not voluntary.
      It might not last, though, so I think that you should probably get a little distance for a while.

    • I think the friendship is doomed unless your friends can be empathetic enough to realize that they’re being completely insensitive to your needs. Someone who is really your friend should understand that right after a miscarriage, the LAST thing that you want or need is to be bombarded with talk about new babies. It may be the conversation that they most want to have, but there is no shortage of other people they can have it with and not cause so much distress. I would state clearly and bluntly how much of a problem the baby talk is for you and say that unless they can avoid this topic altogether for a while, you are going to have to stop seeing them.

      • Or to put it another way… Why can’t people struggling with infertility be empathetic enough to realize that they’re being completely insensitive to the needs of their new-baby-having friends? Friends who are scared, and exhausted, and housebound, and unfamiliar/uncomfortable with their own bodies…?
        The LAST thing an overwhelmed new parent needs is to be shut down when she’s trying to cope with total life upheaval, to be be told that yet another person finds her lacking, or needs something from her.
        (Exaggerated for effect, obviously, but I think understanding on both sides is called for.)

        • I think this back-and-forth addresses the underlying problem pretty well. I am thrilled for my friends and fully understand how all-consuming their new addition is. I honestly couldn’t be happier for them. And that happiness is, in many ways, separate from my own sadness. *Most* of the time I really am able to separate those things. I think the challenge is just that we’re in really different places. While they need to vent about how difficult it is to find time to take a shower and buy groceries, I need to vent about how all I can think about all day long is not being pregnant.

          • And so you take some time and some distance. This isn’t the end of the friendship, it’s just a lull. Totally normal in relationships that span decades. If you were my friend, I would completely understand and respect the distance. You probably don’t even have to say anything. Just drift, and then drift back when everything settles down.

          • THIS is agree with. Once you have a kid, friendships are difficult to maintain and you find new parent friends and all that. You’re valid in explaining why you need your distance as well. A good friend will fall back in to the relationship naturally. And sometimes, friendships move on.

          • I agree completely with wdc. IMO the ability to drift away and then drift back is one of the foundations of good long-term friendship.

          • I agree with the suggestion to take some time & distance for a bit. If they’re really struggling and you feel bad not being there for a good friend, maybe drop off some food now and again, but don’t stay to chat. But it really is ok to step back for a bit until they’ve got their head above water and can be there for you too.

          • For those advocating time and distance, another question. What if the friends are rather eager to hang out together a lot, as these friends are? As much as I am struggling with too much time together, they are struggling with isolation. It’s a tough needle to thread.

          • If they’re eager to hang out with you, tell them that you need some distance, and why. (See my other post at http://www.popville.com/2015/03/random-reader-rant-andor-revel-1280/#comment-932652 .)

          • textdoc, this is good advice!

          • Totally agree. I think if I was your friend, I would probably be worrying about the same thing; however, after my son was born, that was my life, at least at first. If someone asked how my day was or how things were going, it was entirely revolving around the kid. That all-consuming-ness fades as the kid ages and parents ease into the role. But, especially at first, it is hard to separate. I think you should drift a little and, if the friend asks, just be upfront about it…

        • and the last thing a sad woman who finds herself struggling with getting pregnant needs is a friend who is “overwhelmed” by a child. Because it’s sort of like saying “ugh, this isn’t great!” to someone who would LOVE to be overwhelmed. Even though, as far as I know, I’ve got no issues with fertility, I still need help getting pregnant because of my husband…so I personally fall in the netherworld of fertility. You feel incomplete and someone complaining, which valid, makes it hurt even more.

          • “the last thing a sad woman who finds herself struggling with getting pregnant needs is a friend who is “overwhelmed” by a child.” This sums it up really well. I really am sympathetic to the fact that they could really use a yoga class or some time to themselves. But I’m also not the right person to complain about that to. I’d gladly give up a year of yoga classes and regular showers to have a baby of my own right now. And a lot more.

        • Let me put it another way: why can’t the recently widowed be thrilled for their friends who just got married and can’t shut up about every aspect of it? Why are they not sensitive to the newlyweds’ needs?

          The difference is that the new parents 1) are on the winning side of this equation and 2) are complaining about something that they know is a recent loss for the OP. The OP has just had a death in the family, so it’s more than a little insensitive to blather on about new baby stuff to them. As the party who has not just been dealt a huge emotional blow, the onus is on the new parents to try to support their friend and understand that maybe she wants to talk about other things until the wound is not so raw.

          • I think something non-parents fail to get (refuse to acknowledge?) is that new parenthood IS a huge emotional blow, and it’s not all rosy. I get the point about being on the winning side of the equation, but think of it like the current talk about depression. You can tell a depressed person all day long why their reasons for being depressed are invalid, and they won’t feel better. You can tell a new parent that they “won”, and they can agree with you intellectually, and still feel utterly panicked and unequal to the job and tired to the point of physical pain.
            I think there is no “onus” here on one party or the other. Both are going through massive, and possibly conflicting, shit. They need to not be in competition, because that will ruin the friendship more thoroughly than some time apart.

          • +1 on the new parents being “on the winning side of this equation.” I think it’ll be hard for them to talk about other things, though, at this early stage. So if IL tells them that she needs some distance for a while, and why, I hope they’ll be understanding.

          • I think both parties have entirely legitimate reasons to rant. But it can be hard to hear rants about things you desperately wished you had yourself. It can come off as tone-deaf and insensitive even if it’s coming from a good place.

    • A couple things. First, do they know about your history? If yes, then either you have done a great job of not being sensitive and asking them about the baby, and so they’re just treating you as they would anyone else. If not, they’re being insensitive and/or thoughtless – if it’s the latter, you may want to reevaluate how much time you want to spend with them.

      Second, I would say that having had friends with newborns, everything is about the baby for the first few months. When they get to be nine months or so, the parents are ready to leave the kid with a babysitter and get out for the night, and I think the conversation will naturally turn to work and other things. If you want to sit on the sidelines and wait out the next few months, I don’t think anyone would blame you. You can either be “busy,” or you can just say to your friends that it’s difficult for you and while you are there if they need you, you are going to be stepping back for a little while.

      But finally, I do think that the balance of friendships shifts when one party has a child. It’s kind of inevitable because of the huge lifestyle change, but I know from experience that it can be really frustrating. You may have to either accept that new friendship as parents, or look for other childless friends to fill in the gaps – or both.

      I’m sorry you’re struggling with this – I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the IVF!

      • “do they know about your history?” Yes, in all its detail. I don’t think they are insensitive or thoughtless as much as unaware of how deeply, profoundly upsetting unexplained infertility can be. (And honestly, I don’t expect anyone who hasn’t experiences it to understand it. It’s a very uniquely isolating experience.) They were an awesome source of support during my miscarriage and generally are extremely kind and caring friends. I may just need to make some distance and hope that it all works itself out as they ease into parenting.

    • It sounds like you’ve done all you can — she knows about your miscarriage and fertility challenges, and you’ve told her that all of the parenting-related talk makes you sad.
      With a newborn, she and her partner are probably so occupied with baby stuff (and so sleep-deprived) that there’s not much else they _can_ talk about. Maybe best to put some distance between you for a while, perhaps telling her that although you’re happy for her, your own fertility challenges are making your conversations bittersweet, and ask her not to take it personally.

    • Have you considered a surrogate? I’m curious as I’ve looked into both. Ivf seems expensive, and after a couple treatments you’re basically covering the cost of the surrogate, so I was wondering why ppl may not use this option more.

      • Realize you may be trying to be helpful or just curious, but a word of advice: Never, ever begin a question to someone who is struggling with infertility with “Have you considered…?” The answer is always yes, and the decision to consider adoption, IVF, IUI, anything is very personal.

        • Also, I would agree with Also_infertile that the answer to “Have you considered … ?” questions is always yes. Once you’re calling yourself infertile, you’ve already looked at every possible alternative option.

          • I see the point, but my question was really why not although I did start with have you considered as a lead in. Insurance vs on your own makes perfect sense. Thank you for answering.

        • Well, the person asked gave a thoughtful answer and didn’t seem offended. I’d think that would be the better barometer of my actions rather than the feelings of someone who just appeared in the conversation. Btw, her answer was no, she hadn’t considered it so that always seems incorrect.

          • The word “considered” is tricky here. Yes, we did consider it in the sense that we researched and discussed it. But no, we did not consider it to be a good option for us, so we quickly removed it from consideration.

          • I could have asked it differently like why did you pick ivf out of the available options. You could have ignored it for any number of reasons too. I asked it that way because surrogacy is something I hoped to learn more about.

          • The question did come off oddly, though. This wasn’t an open “ask the Infertile Lady” thread. It was a request for help with a specific question, and this reply came off as a bit of a challenge to how I’m dealing with my overall situation. And when you’re infertile and everyone assumes that you are just not doing the right research/holistic treatment/beach vacation/whatever the other person imagines they would do, it’s unhelpful and somewhat rude. I was trying to be polite, but am not sure I should have been. Since you seem to like it when people are direct, I’m being direct right now.

        • By the way, this is an excellent article on what (not) to say to infertile people. I can’t stop sharing it because it’s all correct.. vox.com/2015/3/18/8231173/infertility-advice

      • We have not — not because it’s a bad option, per se, but because IVF felt more right for us and is partially covered by insurance, while surrogacy isn’t. If IVF doesn’t work, we may consider it.

        • It’s a huge relief to have partial coverage. Do you know which clinic you’re going to do a round with?

          • Yes — GW. The RE doctors there are just wonderful. I have had an extraordinary experience there so far, and that’s saying a lot because I’ve had some very bad medical experiences elsewhere.

          • +1 for GW. We had success at GW and my nurse was great – I still send her updates. The bad thing is that the financial side of the house isn’t as great as it used to be. But still.

          • “the financial side of the house isn’t as great as it used to be.” What issues did you have or hear about? So far, we haven’ had any problems, but we did just start.

          • Well, Brian used to run it and he was AMAZING. When we were finished, he was gone and we kept getting bills that they couldn’t explain. They finally stopped coming but we have no idea if there is still money owed somewhere. I guess if we try for #2, we’ll find out.

    • This is tough – our situation was much like jindc’s, except it took us a couple IVFs to have a child (thank God for shared risk). I think it’s entirely reasonable for you to distance yourselves for a little while – not making a production of it (no need for speeches about how you can’t take it anymore). And I think that good friends would understand that, and there’s no reason at all your friendship is “doomed” – having close friends means understanding them and working through these bumps in the road. Caveat – this is true as long as you don’t think they’re intentionally being insensitive. By this I mean have some reason other that “they always talk about their kid.” Because often, parents of newborns just don’t have anything else to talk about. My daughter didn’t nurse (so my wife was in a hellish cycle of pumping), didn’t sleep well for 4 months, and had colic. Until the 6 month mark, neither one of us could have carried on a decent conversation.

    • Absolutely not doomed! When do relationships ever stay static? People change and so do relationships. It certainly doesn’t mean that we all must break up with our friends after major life events because they are not on the same page anymore. It just means that maybe they aren’t going to be your main connection. Sounds like neither of you are in a place to offer each other the support that one another needs. Which is totally fine. It sounds like you have real love and history there. Once they are out of the woods and you are in a different place you two may find each other again. I think there is a way to put some distance there and still honor the relationship and keep yourself sane. It doesn’t have to be an end with your friend, it can be a pause, a break, or intermission before Act II! Chin up! 

      • This made me smile wide at my desk. Thanks so much for the pep talk — and the wise words.

        • One thing you might consider is sending your friend an email explaining the distance, but that you love her, are thrilled for her, ect. If you feel like you can send a text saying, “thinking of you and hope you are all doing well” or something so she knows.
          I was just thinking of a sort-of friend was all bored because her friends had babies, so she got pregnant right away. I have no idea what that’s like, and I think that’s a terrible reason to get pregnant. It wasn’t personal, I know…but it felt sort of like a slap knowing it’s so easy for some people

    • Ally

      Hey there. Some people can just be surprisingly dense. Is it possible that maybe they’re not equating their child-rearing to your struggle to conceive? I mean…I know they should. But maybe nicely saying, “I’m very happy for you guys, but ever time you talk about your little one, it reminds me of what my partner and I are going through and it makes me very, very sad”? If that doesn’t do the trick. you did all you could.

      Best of luck with the IVF and hope all goes well! <3

      • Thanks a lot, Ally!
        “Is it possible that maybe they’re not equating their child-rearing to your struggle to conceive?” It’s totally possible, and very likely. I also think they have their own legitimate rants and we have the kind of relationship where we share all good and bad things, so they have no reason to think this topic should be off the table. I might need to make that a bit clearer.
        You might be just the right person to ask this question. If I said something like what you recommended above to -you- would you feel like I was telling you not to talk about your baby? Because if I were on the other side of the fence, I might. And I really understand that they want to talk about their baby.

      • I was re-reading the original post: “I gently try to steer the conversation elsewhere because it makes me really sad to focus on it, and am very open about the fact that I’m extremely upset about my own situation, but am finding that the conversation always returns to that subject right away.”
        Somehow I originally thought that IL had told the friend something along the lines of “All of this talk about your new baby makes me sad”… but now I think Ally might be on to something here as far as the friend being dense. Maybe the friend just hasn’t put two and two together and realized that all of her talk about the newborn is kind of a knife in the wound for IL?

    • Wow I’m in a similar situation now. My good friend got pregnant 3 weeks before my chemical pregnancy (with IVF and very recent). I just saw her for the first time since she announced and it was not easy at all. The whole dinner was about her pregnancy. I am excited for her and totally get the chatter about it but I do wonder what our friendship will be like in the future….

      • If I can offer any recommendation here (and if you don’t want advice, my apologies), it’s to be honest with your friend(s) about your own experience. I ended up sharing my news about my own chemical pregnancy with nearly all of my (many) pregnant friends and friends with kids so they would understand why the subject was difficult with me, and for the most part it has really improved our relationships. I also found out, because of my own sharing, that a good number of my friends have had miscarriages and fertility challenges, so now we can talk about that openly instead of feeling like it’s a big secret.

  • Rave: Farm time & planting cool season vegetables, seeing the ramp I planted last year coming up, spring ephemerels, and a night chorus of peepers (tree frogs) and horned owls
    Rant-ish: Not so busy with work. While I’m happy with more free time, I also would do well to have more work– or, win the lottery.

    • Those are frogs?! I heard them while walking along the river on Saturday evening and thought they were crickets. So cool!

  • Rave: i think my interview with Alexandria went very well and Arlington decently.
    Rant: worried that I’ll be hurt because I did my student teaching in DCPS only part time while I was also subbing in Alexandria. I’m afraid I’ll look like a liar when I say I interned in DCPS while ACPS has records of me subbing during the same time and that could cost me the job.
    Rant: I think I may have blabbed too much to teachers in my school in person and on Facebook. But the teachers who saw on Facebook already know except for one or two (then i blocked some people from seeing the post)

  • skj84

    Rave: I had a good time at PoPville Happy Hour last night. I couldn’t stay too long due to my show, but still enjoyed myself.

    Rant: I managed to knock an entire beer all over myself, the floor and my seat. Smooth.

  • Rant: kid had a high fever yesterday and is all aroun not good. it seemed down this morning, husband’s home. But I hate when he’s sick. He was SO warm and just wanted to sleep on me. Poor guy.
    Rant: having to listen to that asshat Ted Cruz on the national stage for 20 months. Vomit.
    Rave: thai food

    • Oh, poor kiddo & poor parents. I hope he’s feeling better soon!

    • 20 months? Naw, I’d wager about 13-14 months tops. He’ll be finished off by Super Tuesday, whenever that happens to be.

    • I’m for his participation – any time Ted Cruz opens his mouth, it diminished the Republican brand among (the ever diminishing) rational republicans and independents.
      Rant: There’s a decent chance I’m dead wrong about that because I live in a liberal bubble. But I still have to believe that more people than not see him as the huckster that he is.

      • when I listened to the speech, I thought 1) wow, people believe this bs? 2) I’m so glad we definitely live in a Christian country where only those values are what we should protect/fight for and 3) it makes me sad to know that people think like that. As a not-Christian, it’s amazing to me that they think they’re being persecuted in the US when there’s REAL persecution happening in Iraq, a war started by their previous president, when they were safer under Sadam.

    • Accountering

      I am happy that he is running. The clown car that will be the republican primary needs clowns to be on board. He is going to soak up a ton of donations (that would otherwise go to Walker or Bush or whatever) and they are going to spend a ton of money beating each other up. Not only the money bit, but he will make gaffes that make the entire party look stupid. I for one, as a democrat, am ecstatic that he is running, and appears to be taking it seriously. If only we can get Trump to actually run!

  • maxwell smart

    RANT: Watching the last 6 months of slaving away on a project – literally weeks on end working 70+ hour weeks (with unpaid overtime) – only to see the entire thing get whittled away in value engineering because the client’s budget expectations for the scope of the work they wanted done in the time frame they wanted it done it were utterly unrealistic. I’ve wasted hours… weekends… of my life for nothing. The next time I hear someone complain about some design decision and blame the Architect, just remember, it’s usually cheap clients that get cheap, thoughtless solutions.
    RESOLVED: no more OT for this guy. Why should I put any extra effort into this job if none of it’s going to be built anyway.

  • Rant: Went to Potomac Mills to get a specific pair of pants and found them. I had them in my hands when I went to the cash register, but somehow they weren’t in my bag when I got home (luckily, they also weren’t on my receipt). So irritated, these are the pants that fit me best and I need a new pair, but they’re not available online or at any of the store’s closer shops.

    Rant: having trouble finding a new work bag that I like. everything seems too small or doesn’t have a shoulder strap.

    • I know how you feel about the work bag dilemma. I have the Stella & Dot Madison Tech bag and it has held up well over the last year. It has a shoulder strap, expands to fit a laptop, and has a couple of side pockets.

      • epric002

        ooo that one looks nice. curious- how do you think it would fit a soft lunch box, nalgene, umbrella + pair of wedges? i don’t ever have to carry a laptop but the other stuff is on my daily schlep list…i currently have the joy gryson IIIbeca, which is a smidge small, and has an open top which means if the bag falls over everything falls out 🙁

        • Can you leave some of that at work? I leave my water bottle all week then bring it home on Saturday. I know lots of ladies leave work shoes at work. Thinking if you carried a less you could have more bag options or get better use of the current bag.

          • epric002

            i’m kind of paranoid to not have water with me while i’m commuting on metro, especially in the hot summer (i get migraines and am claustrophobic)….and the water at work tastes funny. i have some work-appropriate flats that i keep at work (my commuting shoes are often ugly/not professional) but i don’t think i have a pair of heels/wedges that go with enough outfits that i can just keep 1 pair at work and not have to schlep. 🙁 i am working on fixing the universal work shoe situation, but it is not yet resolved!

          • I currently have three pairs of shoes under my desk O_O

        • I think everything would fit– especially if your lunch box is thin. I often carry a Camelbak water bottle, a pair of heels, a notebook, laptop charger, iPad, wallet, and snacks with plenty of room to spare. I really like that it still zips up even when it is really full.

      • Oh, that does look nice. Does the strap comfortably fit over your shoulder?

        • It’s probably not the most comfortable shoulder strap in the world but it works well for daily commuting purposes. I usually just slip it over my luggage handle when I travel since it does get heavy on my shoulder when I have my laptop, makeup bag, books, etc. in it.

    • Becks

      It was a shopping induced hallucination. The perfect pants never existed.

      • The sad thing is that they’re not even the perfect pants. They’re just the only pants I’ve found that even sort of fit. :/

        • epric002

          there is no such thing as perfect pants. apparently pants are no longer designed with people in mind. i don’t know anyone, of any size or shape, who can easily find pants that fit.

          • This is why I stopped wearing pants to work.

          • SouthwestDC

            I stopped wearing pants too. It’s just too difficult when you’re curvy and petite.
            That can be dangerous, though– after wearing skirts/dresses/leggings all winter I recently tried wearing a pair of pants that sort-of fit and they were tight, meaning I must have gained a couple pounds. It’s a lot easier to keep tabs on weight gain when you wear pants regularly.

    • palisades

      As someone who used to live in Woodbridge, I just want to apologize for the fact that you had to go to potomac mills.

      • Aww. Thank you, I appreciate that. The store I needed to go to has systematically closed down all of their physical stores closer to DC and now only carries this style of pants at the outlet. And their new pants are all too short for me. I think they may be trying to slowly drive me mad.

    • try lo & sons, the OG or OMG styles.

  • Rave: Went to the Yona pop-up at G with my new guy friend and his friend. It was good. I love ramen. I want to go back.
    Rave: set up my bff with my new guy friend. let’s just say they really hit it off 😉 can I please get some good karma back?!
    Rave: tennis season! hit the courts this weekend. i’ll be there every weekend until the Fall
    Rave: great dinner with bff and her friends/coworkers on Saturday. I swear, DC is filled with intelligent and interesting people. I love meeting them!
    Rant: I know I said I’m taking a break from dating (online dating especially), but I feel like getting back into it. Maybe I just want to keep meeting new people and hope one will workout romantically. Maybe it’s the weather and I like the idea of having someone to go outside with and explore the city. I’ll give myself 2 more weeks and re-assess since it’ll be a month since I quit. Sounds like a reasonable time frame.

    • Is online dating an only option? There is speed dating, activities clubs for singles, meetups, etc. Maybe do something new and see how it goes. I’m planning to do the same if things don’t rekindle once I’m less busy.

      • Anon Spock: I’m open to alternatives to online dating. I think meet-ups might be a good option. I haven’t tried any other options. Any recommendations welcome.

        • Meetup . Com has all sorts of groups, so you know the person shares that interest at least. Also meeting ppl in your day-day. If you notice a cute guy, say hi. I really need to do this one. I can’t imagine every woman who crosses my path is straight.

          • Anon Spock: I’ve approached a guy before. He was wearing a band shirt for one of my fave bands. Nice convo. His GF didn’t appreciate it though. Oops. I try to limit those interactions now.

          • You didn’t walk up and grab his junk. It’s his responsibility to make it known he’s taken. You had a nice chat, so be it. Anyone you meet online could have a gf, but that isn’t stopping you. If she hit you, it makes sense, but otherwise, get back on the horse.

          • No violence, thankfully. But I just limit those encounters now. Open to it though if the situation’s right.

          • Stalk him in the grocery store first to make sure no gfs pop up. Also look in the basket. You can usually tell if someone is single by what they’re buying…hungryman dinners and stuff like that.

          • “Anyone you meet online could have a gf, but that isn’t stopping you.” True, but… to be fair, if LA is looking on online _dating_ sites, anyone who’s there is actively looking to date — existing girlfriend or not.

          • Text doc, plenty of ppl on dating sites are simply looking to chat. I have numerous likes and invites from ppl all over the country who have no intention of coming here, clearly don’t fit my desires, etc. In the same vein, if you’re in public, you’re open to getting hit on or talked to by a stranger. You can always decline or ignore, but it might happen.
            It seemed to be some fear of rejection happening after one, low key bad experience.
            My idea was simply to try something different as online dating seemed to go less than positive in her experience, and it’ll provide a bigger pool to pull from.

          • Emmaleigh504

            ‘ if you’re in public, you’re open to getting hit on or talked to by a stranger.” Nope. If I’m in public it’s b/c I need groceries or to go to work or to meet friends. Being in public is NOT an invitation to get hit on or chatted up.

          • I’m with Emilie504 on this one. Personally, I’m not usually responsive when strangers try to chat me up in public. I assume a lot of people are the same.

          • Open to, accept the “risk” it might happen, etc. A bird could poop on your shoulder too. Shit happens! The idea that when you leave your home you’re going into an invisible bubble everyone/thing needs to watch out for is crazy.
            I don’t think a lot of people are like that if someone is polite and respectful. You talked to the guy about his shirt maybe I’ll strike up a conversation about the book you’re reading…Is that bad? Most of the conversations I’ve had with strangers have started similarly usually without anyone trying to hit on me (at least not obviously).

          • Fair point. Not everyone who tries to talk to strangers is trying to hook up with them. I’ll talk to men if they approach me non-creepily and actually have something interesting to say aside from “you’re hot”. I just err on the side of caution. I recently befriend a stranger at a show because we both were alone. and he approached me really smoothly. It was nice.

      • Agree with your overall point and suggestions, but I don’t know a single person who has ever had success from speed dating. That’s one that just seems to fail all the time. I wonder if there are any success stories out there…

        • I don’t know anyone else who’s done it, but in the vein of mix it up, why not? If you find a success story, do share!

        • My downstairs neighbor is engaged to a guy she met speed dating! But I agree, it is quite rare.

  • Rave – Wedding cake tasting! I had to sample all possible flavor combinations. Nom nom nom.
    Rant – Ate waaay too much cake and felt gross. Also why are wedding cakes so dang expensive?? A “celebration” cake is $3/slice and a “wedding” cake is $6/slice! I don’t want some fondant covered, multi-tiered cake covered in flowers. I just want really good cake. Maybe I should do cupcakes… or get a sheet cake from Whole Foods.

    • epric002

      why can’t you get the “celebration” cake? i don’t know how this works- we had pie at our wedding dinner 🙂

    • I realize cupcakes are kind of passe now, but for our wedding we ordered from Red Velvet and they were fantastic. They provided a cupcake stand, delivered, and included a small (8″ maybe?) cake for slicing. We got three flavors of cupcake, and bought a bunch of cupcake boxes from a craft store so folks could take theirs to go. It was perfect and ended up being wayyyyy less than a real wedding cake – I want to say well under $500 for a wedding with 125 or so guests.

      • GiantSquid

        We did a small cake to cut and then somewhere around 100 cupcakes with a local baker (married in Central New York). They were absolutely delicious!

      • How many people are you having? We recently tasted/designed/picked our cake and I was pleasantly surprised to hear it would only be $200! But then again we’re only having 50 guests, which saves money everywhere!

        • We’ll probably have around 80 guests. I’m thinking of doing the small tiered cake and then having cupcakes or a sheet cake like others here suggested. We did a tasting with Buttercream Bakeshop, which was delicious, but at the high end of the price range for the area.

    • where did you do tastings? Maybe people can recommend more reasonable places?

    • We were married in Florida (so this specific place isn’t useful for you) and we had our wedding cake made by Publix. It was delicious, possibly the best wedding cake I’ve ever had.

      Maybe check into some local grocery stores – Whole Foods, Wegmans?

      • Ally

        +1 to Publix’s cakes! I’m a Florida gal by birth and am always trying to angle to head home around birthdays, and partially that’s due to Publix’s buttercream cakes!

  • Accountering

    Rave: Got rid of a TON of bricks this weekend. Had four separate groups come by. Definitely fun to see the pile shrink.
    Rant: No progress on the house. The snow filled in the trench they had dug to pour concrete footers for the back wall, and their plan to empty to trench was via hand. They then proceeded to do nothing.
    Rave2: Fun weekend – Andie gets back from Mississippi tonight. Excited to see her!

  • RANT: My old age. I’m losing crap left and right. My sunglasses fell out of my jacket pocket in a Car2Go on Saturday night. I (think?) left my credit card in the receipt folder at El Chucho yesterday after eating dinner. So many missing socks. WTF is wrong with me?!?!

    • Emmaleigh504

      Is losing things part of old age? I keep losing hairbrushes. I never take hairbrushes out of my apartment, and yet I’ve lost 3 in the past year. Not under the bed or sofa. Where the heck are they??

      • Could Donna have spirited them away somewhere?

        • Emmaleigh504

          One of the lost hairbrushes is hers! Normally when she plays with it, it ends up under the sofa or bed. I’ve also checked under the other furniture since I have to regularly fish her toys out from under them. Is it dementia?

    • RANT: Drove all the way over to West Virginia Ave in Trinidad at lunch time to inspect the Car2Go I used. No sunglasses inside 🙁
      RAVE: My card is safe and sound at El Chucho 🙂

  • justinbc

    Rave: Fun time at the Sunday HH yesterday, thanks to those who came out. Good to see not much has changed at Black Jack since my last time there.
    Rave: Killing it in my tournament bracket, currently in 1st place with all of my Elite 8 teams still in play.

  • hispanicandproud

    Rave: Spring cleaned Facebook! I got rid of people who really weren’t friends and unfollowed overposters. This morning it was nice to have a clean page.
    Rave/Rant: My doggy is scheduled for surgery today. It’s amazing how much Friendship Hospital nickels and dimes its customers. But they have to pay for their fresh orchids and new second floor somehow.
    Rave: Restful weekend from all physical activity. Back at it today.
    Rave: Nice to have Dacha open again!

    • Emmaleigh504

      Sending good vibes to your pooch.

      • hispanicandproud

        Thank you, Emilie504. He’s been at Friendship Hospital since Thursday. Great care there but they super expensive.

        • anonymouse_dianne

          Friendship is expensive but they donate $$ and time to the Washington Animal Rescue League and often provide pro bono care to Wash Humane. It is also a great training ground for new vets and interns.

      • Hope the surgery is successful and your pup is back home soon!

        • hispanicandproud

          Thanks, MPinDC! He is barking up a storm so that’s a good sign. When I took him in Thursday he was barely awake.

    • Accountering

      Dacha was PACKED on Saturday. Line was like halfway around the block. Glad to see them back open!

  • Quotia Zelda

    Rave: Wrapped up a particularly troublesome set of tasks at work today.
    Rave: My sweet kitty always seems to know when I’m sad or stressed and comes to sit on my lap.

  • I Dont Get It

    Rave: Got caught up on my laundry over the weekend!
    Rant: I recently bought 12 pairs of identical socks and now only have 3 pairs.
    Rave: Watched some YouTube videos and figured out how to repair my bed. It’s nice being back in my room!
    Rant: I can’t find my white king-sized comforter. I suspect WDS is behind both of my rants. #Boundaries

  • Anonynon

    Rant: Went to a weird weird EDM/DJ show at 930 club ons Saturday with a friend, definitely was not my cup of tea but it was cool to go to a show that i wouldn’t ordinarily go to. My EDM Rave/Trance dance moves need some work from the normal hipster boogie that i am use to..
    Rave: Will get to hipster boogie at Black Cat this Friday…very excited I got a lot of friends to get tickets for the show with me!
    Rant: A little pressure to make sure friends have a good time at the show

    • palisades

      Ha a couple of my friends were guilted into going to the 930 show. Sounded absolutely awful.

      • Anonynon

        It was ridiculous lol…I mean not to bash on other peoples favorite genre of music, but I don’t even think i can consider what i heard music. Unless you were ‘on something’, it just sounds like fart noises! And the amount of BASS at the show…felt like my chest was going to explode. My friend said one of the acts was ‘like basnectar’ who i had seen at a festival before, and liked. However this DJ was nothing like basnectar so that was a little disappointing. It was a good warm up show for the actual one I am excited for on friday

  • Farragut

    RAVE for the Nats fans: Max Scherzer has been named as the Opening Day starter for April 6th game against the Mets (versus Bartolo Colon). First time in three years it hasn’t been Strasburg.

    • palisades

      I have no qualms about this. We don’t sign a pitcher for $200 million and not make him the opening day starter.
      Also, I freaking love Colon. Dude gives zero shits. I’d buy a ticket just to watch him bat.

      • Farragut

        We are definitely blessed that Colon is back in the NL to bat! He’s one of the last players still in the majors who have worn an Expos uniform, too. Haha.

    • I have mixed emotions – not about Strasburg, but about Zimmerman, who I think earned that start last year. I recognize that wasn’t ever going to happen – but it should have.

  • Rave: Had the best time at Admitted Students Weekend! I’m about 95% committed to this school. I really liked the group of admitted students that have already committed and all of the current students that I met. Very down to Earth people and we all hit it off immediately. The Dean mentioned in his remarks that it is an elite school that is not elitist and everyone really demonstrated just how true that is.
    Rave: Found a good potential apartment and roommate. I’m pretty limited in that I have to find dog-friendly housing close to campus so I’m hoping all works out well with this situation.
    Rave: I also keep losing socks! I bought a bunch of new pairs this weekend. Here’s hoping they stick around.
    Rave: Tiny dog is 2 today!

    • emvee

      I feel like everyone’s losing socks left and right!

      Best of luck at potential school! I’m starting the grad school hunt soon myself, so it’s exciting to see these things pan out for people. 🙂

      • Thank you! Keep us posted on your grad school hunt… we like hearing good news and I’ve also found that the PoPville community is great for offering advice when the grad school process is exhausting/challenging/confusing.

    • Good news all around! And happy day to your tiny dog 🙂

    • Emmaleigh504

      Happy birthday Tiny dog!

    • When you commit, will you tell us which school? Curious minds want to know! And congrats on the weekend going well & great leads on apartment/roommate. Must be a huge relief!

  • rant? that survey that says that DC works longer hours than almost every other city in the US…do people find this to be true? How many hours are you usually putting in per week?
    I quit my last job a few months ago because I just could NOT work with my boss anymore. I would rather be temporarily unemployed than miserable. After a few months, it’s time to start job hunting again, and I’ve gone on a few interviews where they have up front told me to expect very long hours. What does that mean in this town? 60+ hours? 70 hours a week? I’ll admit I’ve spent the past few months road tripping, visiting friends, skiing, and generally doing whatever I want. I’m not sure I can find my work ethic again very easily, especially if long work weeks mean 70 hours vs 50 (which I always thought was long but reasonable).

    • It makes sense because of the hill (lobbyists, etc) where you can easily put in 70+ sometimes also lots of lawyers here. You just don’t have that combo anywhere else.
      Very long seems to be 70-80. Why didn’t you ask? Is it cyclical or all the time?

      • Also anyone who works for Deloitte is putting in 70-80 hours most weeks.

        • epric002

          are you serious? i’ve heard such good things about working there, and i’m almost positive the girl i know who works there doesn’t work those kind of crazy hours…

          • I know lots of people that work there, including my girlfriend until she burnt out. Yes, it’s normal, and it reflects poorly on your performance evaluation if you dare to use any of your leave, ever.
            The reason you’ve heard such great things is because it’s basically a cult. The onboarding process involves brainwashing intended to make you GRATEFUL to be working those insane hours. I wish I were exaggerating but I’m not.

          • Deloitte has two groups: government contracting/public sector and private. Private works crazy hours (friend’s wife has worked for them for several years now), public it depends. The ones I knew at my old agency had to work “after hours” on a regular basis to do “deloitte” related work (as opposed to the agency/client’s specific assignments).

          • Yes, I have heard that taking leave reflects poorly on you @ Deloitte and if you do take leave you basically have to make it up. I also know quite a few people who work there and make it seem like they don’t work crazy hours, but I suspect they do. Then I also know some that burnt out and left.

          • epric002

            weird. the person i know has been raving recently about the parental leave options at deloitte, as she just took maternity leave. i don’t know if she does gov’t/public or private work though.

          • I only know those from the government contracting sector. I used to volunteer with one and she regularly had to cancel meetings (scheduled for 10pm, the earliest she could get out on a normal day) because she was still at work. And “holidays” just mean you’re charging to overhead instead of to the client. They get to take off Christmas and Thanksgiving but the rest of the time they’re expected toattend mandatory all-hands meetings, community service, etc.

          • Most of my close friends work on the government consulting side of Deloitte and don’t have consistently crazy hours. Most of them work 40-50 hours per week though there seem to be longer hours around deliverable due dates or specific firm activity deadlines.

          • That’s nice that they treat new mothers humanely, at least. 🙂

        • A lot of big consulting & accounting firms would fall under that category I think. My friend’s sister got burnt out at PwC working until after midnight on a regular basis. She was always getting reimbursed by the company for taxi rides to go home.

        • Accountering

          This is pretty spot on. One of my good friends works there, and he is WILDLY overworked and underpaid.

          He managed to hit the exact same departure and arrival time (on different days) at one point during this busy season. Stayed at work until 3:30am, and arrived at 3:30 am another day.

      • I Dont Get It

        I put in 40 hours normally unless we are in “gray skies”mode. One of the reasons I left the for-proft world was due to the long hours. I miss the income though!

    • I think it’s all over the map. Many people I know don’t work a ton of hours, like 40 is the usual, but there are weeks here and there where it might be 50. That said, I do know quite a few people where the norm is 60, 70, even 80! If an employer is up front and told you to expect very long hours I’d expect the worst and interpret it as 60-70. There are a few instances where the project manager told me I’d be very busy and there was a lot to do, but then I got on the project and found that to not be so true.

      • thanks… i tried to ask what they meant by “long hours” but couldn’t figure out a way of making it sound like i didn’t want to work hard. At this stage, I’m trying to make the best impression I can, and if I do get any offers then I feel like I can ask a bit more candidly about what hours I might realistically expect to work…Just trying to get a sense of what I might expect.

        • Something like this: in my previous experiences long hours were around pick a number.hours per week; is that in line with what you expect here?

    • I work for the government and I easily put in 50 on a light week, 60-70 on a normal week (and that doesn’t count the fact that I have to constantly check email in the evening/weekend when I’m not doing dedicated work time). A friend (lawyer) just moved out of state – he leaves at 5 every day. I’d say I’m jealous, but then I’d have to live in his new city.

      • I had the same experience at my government job. I switched to a non-profit when I was studying for the LSAT and now work about 40 hours each week with significantly less attention to email after hours.

      • I work for the government and work 40 hours a week, and watch my blackberry on the weekends/evenings, but I actively put my foot down at working more than 40 hours a week since I am also a student and they know that. Thankfully I have an office that is fairly accepting. Some of my coworkers stay until 8 or even 9pm at night — and I honestly can’t figure out why. A few years ago I thought this would be my dream job but needless to say, I’m reevaluating.

        • My first boss at my current fed job worked until 8 or so every day. She was a self-admitted workaholic though and always getting into the weeds. Thankfully she was fully aware she didn’t HAVE to work that much nor did she expect anyone else to put in those hours.

          Now I don’t think anyone in my office works more than 50 hours a week, including our SES.

  • Rant: Grandfather had a hemorrhage and was coughing up blood my last night in Florida. It’s been happening to him every few weeks since he had a major heart surgery a year ago, and he has to go into the hospital for a week or two to get it stopped… They didn’t manage to get the bleeding to stop this time until yesterday afternoon or evening. Scary and awful to see. 🙁 So hard to see him like that.
    Rave: Got to spend a nice couple days with him and my parents before that.

    • Emmaleigh504

      I’m so sorry! It’s so difficult to see our loved ones sick and there’s nothing you can do. I’m sure he enjoyed seeing you.

    • Oh no, sorry to hear about your grandfather! I hope everything turns out to be okay and I’m glad you got to spend some time with him.

    • Glad you had a few nice days with your grandfather (and parents), and sorry to hear he’s having health issues after the heart surgery.

    • Thanks, all. It really shook me up (never seen that much blood before), but at least he’s still around! He would’ve died with the surgery. And he was much stronger than he was when I saw him for the holidays. Small steps!
      Afternoon rave: Looks like I found a therapist who can work with my stupid schedule, and she was much easier to talk to than the first one I went to. Hooray! We’ll see how this goes.

    • Ally

      That stinks. I’m so sorry to hear that and I hope he feels better soon!

  • Rant: Monday 🙁
    Rave: Got a good amount of sleep over the weekend!
    Rant/Rave: Went for the drastic change with dying my hair. I went from having dark reddish brown hair to a very unnatural shade of peach with some hot pink in it. I like it, but it’s not quite what I wanted…so I’m heading back to my stylist later this week to throw some pastel pink into it to tone it down a little. Judging from the looks I got on the metro this weekend, I am the only person in this area with this color hair…so if you see me, say hi!

  • Rave: excellent weekend, I got a lot done and had a lot of fun. I hung two new light fixtures, fixed a bunch of clothes, did a ton of ironing, and picked up dry cleaning. It’s like a have a new wardrobe.
    Rave: left overs for lunch- a pancake with peanut butter and bananas and bacon.
    Rant: my office gym has 30 lockers in the womens locker room and there is not a single empty one even though they’re supposed to be for daily use, not storage. So, while I’m there at lunch I fold up my nice work clothes and put them in my gym bag to marinate in its stinkiness.

    • Leave them on top of smelly gym bag, let gym bag air out, febreeze/wash gym bag, pack second small bag for holding the work clothes while there….You have more options than you realize.

      • Today was the first day there was not a single one available, so it’s not like I was prepared.
        There are signs all over the gym that say that your stuff will be removed if left overnight. This has never been enforced, so there’s a ton of crap that’s probably been there for months, just taking up space. Some people have probably forgotten they were storing their things there.

        • Perhaps you could call facilities to check what’s there today and then dump the stuff that hasn’t been moved by tomorrow?

        • It sounded like a long term rant, so my bad. At least, in theory, lots of ppl are trying to stay healthy.

          • Well, it’s a problem that’s been festering. The longer it goes unenforced, the more emboldened people are to just leave stuff there…and forget stuff there.
            I’m thrilled we have a gym at our office and I’m even more thrilled that a lot of people use it, this is just a minor annoyance. It’s becoming a larger annoyance as it goes on and has now reached full capacity, but I made a suggestion they dump it all in a big box so people have a period of time to claim their things. We’ll see if that goes anywhere.

        • Complain to building management. My office does a good job of clearing out the lockers once every two months. Locks will be cut and gear thrown out, if left that one night.

  • Did someone say something about half price Pete’s on Monday’s? Is that valid on CH? I couldn’t find it on the website. If so, is it dine-in only? This is my dinner planning! 🙂

  • Anybody know anything about those helicopter/plane hybrids flying around in petworth around 8:30 today?

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: I am turning into my father. I made mouth noises this morning without realizing it and I have a pain in my neck that has lasted for about a week.
    Rave: I like my dad, but not when he makes mouth noises.

  • laduvet

    Rave: Pulled out the bike over the weekend – nothing like the 63 year old bike running smoothly under my legs – while wearing a dress in sun drenched warm weather 🙂

    Rant: 10 page scholarship paper for school due end of week…. am i really ready to be studying and writing all the time?

    • SouthwestDC

      Did you take your bike somewhere to get tuned up? I don’t know how old my bike is, but I inherited it from an elderly neighbor when I was 10 so it must be ancient. I’ve been too nervous to commute on it, but Bikeshare is so expensive. It would be nice to get it in good enough shape that I feel confident using it for the commute.

      • There are a lot of bike shops in DC that could do comprehensive tune-up to your bike. Depends on your neighborhood for convenience.

      • New annual bikeshare price is $85 free ride under 30 mins. If it’s longer, you could just dock it along the way and take it again. I think you’re getting your monies worth at about $1.50 per week.
        If you’re on fb, women and bicycles dc would be a good place to check if you’re looking for guarantee lady friendly bike shops.

        • SouthwestDC

          My commute is over an hour so that would mean switching bikes twice which is kind of a pain. I usually just bike straight home which ends up costing $6 on top of the base fee (a lot more expensive than my $2.50 metro ride!).

      • If you think bikeshare is expensive at $75 for a year, you might get sticker shock for how much it will cost you to get an old bike into good working order. If you need new tubes (likely) and tires (also likely if the bike hasn’t been ridden in a while), plus any cables adjusted and new brake pads, you could easily be looking at over $100. plus, if you are thinking about commuting on it, it would be a really good idea to invest in front and rear lights for visibility (also you’re legally required to have them, although I definitely see people biking without) and a helmet. of course you will be able to use the bike for more than a year, but a lot of parts will likely need replacing, etc. I gave my neighbor’s bike a tune up after she complained that the brakes stopped working. she had no idea that after 2 years her brake pads were totally worn down and needed replacing. I checked and retensioned all of her cables, and patched one of her tires. she definitely could have used a new chain and bottom bracket, but that was way outside the scope of the neighborly free tuneup that i was giving her.

        • emvee

          I second this. I have an 86 Schwinn at home that was $200 on Craigslist, and then another $200 at the shop to get it fully functional. New chain, new tires and tubes, new brakes, the works. Since I don’t have a basket, panniers or lights for it (although I have considered biking with a headlamp), I tend to prefer bikeshare. Also, I don’t have to constantly worry about if someone’s going to steal my bike or if it will get rusty if I ride in the rain.

        • SouthwestDC

          I’m willing to invest $100 in it! I got new brake pads recently and I think the tubes and tires are fine, though I’m no expert. I already have lights and two helmets also (not that any of those things are very expensive).

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