Package Thief Revenge Fantasy becomes a Reality


Thanks to a friend of mine, @chuckwestover, for sharing

“One DC woman, fed up with packages being stolen from her H Street Northeast front stoop, decided to place dog poop in a box – and then let the camera do the rest.”

The resident who filmed the video writes:

“I used to have stuff delivered all the time, but in the last two months three packages were stolen. Two were successfully delivered. I got the guy on video and he walks right to the spot and takes the box. I told the police, but they haven’t called back yet.”

Sadly video of this special delivery being opened is not available…

82 Comment

  • This is actually brilliant. If everyone did this once or twice it would probably stop thefts altogether.

    • justinbc

      I really hope you’re joking.

      • As a general rule I don’t mess with criminals who know where I live, especially if I don’t even know who they are. They can find out my name just by looking in my mailbox, and that’s only the beginning. It seems like a good way to get some sweet vigilante revenge, but once you mess with a criminal you will always have fear in the back of your mind.

        • justinbc

          I would tend to agree with you, that this would be a generally dumb idea to due to someone who knows your address. However, in most instances I’ve seen reported here they often rip the stuff out right away and toss the box and move right on to the next house and next package, likely forgetting where they just were. However, in this case, purposely pissing someone off who now has a box with your address on it seems like a really bad idea. I hope nothing worse happens to this home owner.

          • gotryit

            I lean the other way. This person, who is already on camera once for the relatively minor crime of “theft of feces” would double down and risk getting convicted of something bigger, like assault? I think the person just wants to make a few easy bucks and is probably going to move on. Revenge doesn’t get him any money.

          • I think there would be retaliation less than 1 out of 10 times, but people have been killed by maniacs for less. Fear in itself is the bigger problem.
            My advice would be that if someone wants to do something like this, they put really useless stuff in a box (old cables, happy meal toys, old clothes), and make it look like they bought it on ebay. That way the thief will think you are a hoarder and not steal your stuff again. Also, it will help you be less of a hoarder. You can even save your paper waste and use it for packing.

          • I Dont Get It

            Put a fake address on the box.

          • The ‘fake address on the box’ trick doesn’t work since they are already at the house… This guy had clearly already scoped this house out because he walked right up to it and then walked back the same way. I don’t think he is going to forget which house it is – he wants to open the package as quickly as he can and get rid of it, because as long as he is holding the package the cops can bust him so he is going to be in the vicinity when he opens it.

    • I can’t help but wonder if this qualifies as bioterrorism under current law…

  • gotryit

    We should all do that.
    Does anyone know if exploding dye packs are illegal for use like this? Or if they’re expensive even if we buy them in bulk? What about exploding skunk stench?

  • I need to try this! I live one block from a middle school, so as you can imagine, EVERYTHING gets stolen.

    I really hope they enjoyed those 100 Christmas cards last year featuring me and my husband’s smiling faces. Oh, and the closet organization tools. Really fun stuff for a 10-year-old.

    • Why are you blaming the middle school students for your stolen packages? Did you catch them in the act or get video/photographic footage of them? I’m not trying to be snarky… I’m genuinely curious.

      • Haven’t had any packages stolen but the school kids would pick all of my flowers during the spring time.

      • I agree. As annoyed as I get with kids for not moving over on the sidewalk or being generally rude sometimes, the majority of them aren’t theives.

    • Ally

      Yeah, I had 5 packages stolen this month. I hope they enjoy the sparkling shoes, doorknobs (?!), and the onesie for my baby. Jerkwards.

  • palisades

    And what if he decides to plot some revenge? He seems like the kind of idiot with nothing to lose.

    • My understand of the thieves in DC is that they’re more dumb and dumber then organized mafioso. I wouldn’t be too worried about it.

  • I like the van in the background….”Real Plumbers”…….my service of choice, along with “Real doctors” and “not ripping you off automotive”

    • you would hit someone in the head with a bat for stealing an object? fuuuuuuck you.

      • No f**k you and anyone stealing my stuff. I’m 100% with Tyson. Someone coming on to my property and stealing my stuff…damn right I’d hit them with a baseball bat. What, you think they don’t deserve it? Guess you haven’t had multiple packages stolen off your front porch.

        • don’t be a child.

        • So C, is your assertion seriously that the people of DC should just agree that having their things stolen again and again and again and again and again is somehow acceptable and never harbor an unkind thought for the scumbags who are doing it? Because that isn’t very realistic. Maybe a bat to the head is a bit much, but I would definitely have some revenge fantasies against someone who was making it that hard for me to get the things that I need sent to my home.

  • justinbc

    I tweeted to UPS a photo of a package left on my front step in plain daylight and a comment about thefts in DC, they asked me privately for a bit more info, and ever since my packages have been left in a more secluded area. Sometimes it’s like Easter egg hunting, but at least I haven’t had any thefts since.

    • Ally

      I put a notice up on my door for USPS and they were equally responsive (most of the time) and throw my packages over my back, locked fence now.

    • I’ve had good experience with UPS and FedEx. They typically hide packages behind the shrubs or drop them over a fence.

      Unfortunately, Amazon does a lot of “last mile” contracting with a company called LaserShip that is horrendous.

      • Since you have his pic, do you think it would be more useful to post the pic up near where the packages are left with a sign that says “Smile…You’re on Candid Camera”

  • The best part is when this guy gets revenge by smearing the poo all over that house.

    • The logical, if not inevitable, conclusion to this drama . . .

    • Right ’cause I’m sure he wants to get covered in poo. Makes perfect sense.

      • Unless he’s spectacularly stupid (which is possible), I’m guessing he’d don some latex gloves. What would be awesome (in a totally sick, deranged way) is if the home owner had hepatitis C. The thug would not only get the stinky gift in the box, but a pathogen was well. Good lord, I watch too many deranged movies.

  • I did the same once to a newspaper-stealing neighbor in my condo building. Emptied the cat’s litter box into a newspaper, folded it back up and replaced it in the bag on the stoop. Never happened again.

    • Yep. My Post was regularly stolen on Saturday mornings, presumably for the coupons. I learned to get up early, take my paper, and put out the previous week’s paper and coupons. The thievery stopped.

      • tonyr

        Yeah – on downside of sleeping in is never seeing Sunday’s paper (the bit delivered on Saturday), nor Wednesday’s (the one with the grocery coupons). I hope that major world events only take place on Sun-Tues, Thurs or Fridays.

  • austindc

    Same reason I keep a venomous snake in my glove compartment in case anyone tries to steal my Garmin!

    • gotryit

      The joke is on you if you still use a Garmin, grandpa! How do you protect your gameboy?

      • still lots of places with no 3g or lte dude.

        • There are some places without cell service, but if you are driving it isn’t a problem. Most phones have GPS antennas and can save large parts of the map where you will be driving. Honestly when you are driving in a place without service, you probably are not turning.

      • if i know austindc (and i do), he doesn’t have a car, glove compartment, or a garmin. but he is one sexy grandpa.

        • austindc

          Well well well, you must be one sexy granny yourself! I may not have a car, but if you want something with a big back seat and a lot of gas, I’m your man. Whaddya say we hop on Metro Access together and grab some chow at Lubys?

      • austindc

        You got me, I don’t have a car or a garmin. I was just trying to be cool and think of what car break-in victims would say. Now refill her with petroleum distillate and revulcanize my tires, posthaste!

        With regards to your question about how I protect my gameboy, the answer is: with my life.

  • This is very good video quality. can the OP post what type of camera/system is being used. Any recommendations from others?

  • Will you settle for a “kids being kids?”

  • Why do the Police not set up stings with tracking devices planted in packages? Follow them to the source, potentially reclaim merchandise. I realize it would cost a little money, but with all the speed cameras, there has to be a little extra they could use.

    • Because the US Attorney’s Office will consider it too small-time an offense, and won’t paper the case.

  • What do the thieves end up doing with the stuff they find? Do they stand on the corner and try to sell a hardcover book for $2? Or are they actually sophisticated enough to be running eBay stores? It seems like they’re mostly getting a bunch of crap that’s not really re-sellable (i.e. it’s difficult for them to be matched with the right buyer who would pay close to retail price).

    • gotryit

      My understanding is that they find a shady place who will buy it from them cheap (fence it) and then the fence turns around and resells it as “used”.

    • The stuff not easily sold (aka, books) gets dumped in alleys and people’s trash cans. Happened behind my place last year.

    • I imagine they discard things like books and focus on the high-value stuff like electronics.

  • Great idea!! I think it would also be awesome to leave a live snake in a box for the package thieves! 🙂

    • Kind of hard on the poor snake, though. I like snakes. How about a box of live roaches? No one can possibly feel sympathy for roaches!

      • tonyr

        Or some calf liver and a note with “Ebola sample” printed in big red letters. Or some anthrax variant. I’m really brave when I’m at my keyboard.

  • No more poo-pooing around!

  • This by far the best / funniest comments page I have seen in a long time. Keep it up people!

  • I feel like if you are going to do this you should use your own. Just drop a deuce on top of a note that says: “you want my shit? here it is.”
    On a more serious note if I was a package thief and this happened to me I’d probably return it into your mail slot or find a way to smear it on your door so I’m going to stick with filing a claim and getting replacements at no cost to myself.

  • I was seriously contemplating this last year, but I was worried we would end up with poop flung at our house. Also, the contractor who flipped our house cut a LOT of corners (which subsequently cost us a fair bit of money), so when he was renovating the place across the street, I thought about killing two birds with one stone – pooping in a box and leaving it on THAT stoop (and letting HIM deal with the flung poop). Lost my nerve, and now lovely people live there (and yes, complain he again cut a ton of corners) … still kind of regretting the missed opportunity…

    • We are half contemplating the same thing. Our flip is a hot mess (lots of shoddy unpermitted work that was sealed behind walls out of our home inspectors view) and the same guy has a house on the market right now around the corner. After a few pints we often joke about what we want to do to that house. Haven’t had the nerve but oh the schemes we have thought up.

      • Please tell me who the contracts are …. I’m in the market.

          • Anyone flipping a house in DC isn’t doing a very good job right now – that isn’t really the business model. If you are buying an old property with brand new appliances and shiny wooden floors, you should expect that you are getting taken for a ride. Better to buy something that wasn’t redone.

          • Yes, please do tell. Simply put, public officials and local publications have largely failed to hold developers and contractors accountable amidst the flurry of development. If someone is doing a bad job across the street, put a sign in your yard and take pictures from the street before the drywall goes up. Its a complete and corrupt jungle out there and its about time we started fighting back.

  • Just take page out of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. Bait him with the box, but fill it with a wasp’s nest.

  • I think it would be a better idea to smear poop on the box itself, as it would actually get on the theif’s hands and clothes (based on the way the man handled the package in the video).

    If it middle school kids, try and put something in the box that would have a traumatizing effect. They are still 12-13 years old. I think one could break them pretty easily with the right content.

    • Better yet, a bowl full of piss with no lid. So when the thief inverts or shifts it around it spills leaking (no pun) onto him/her. Stinky dehydrated binge drinking piss

  • This person should do it again but now put the photo’s of the thief (smeared in poop of course) in the box so they know they are caught.

  • clevelanddave

    I’m gonna be a contrarian and say the guy is never going to go near this house again. The BEST revenge is not the poop but having this guy get picked up by the police for stealing packages. Based on the video evidence they’ll get a warrant and find a whole bunch more stolen stuff, then go to some of the local pawns and have those guys ID the perp. Then the guy will have a couple years in jail to think about what a jerk he is…

    If the owner is really concerned about this dude, put up a big sign that says you are being recorded.

  • Love the pee idea so it really gets on him. When I watched the video I thought that there would be a cord or something to snatch the package out of his arms as he walked away. There are a lot of things that could be done to turn the tables. Have we forgotten the fun that was had with the scammers at

  • Holy cow – they’re talking about this on the Howard Stern show right now! LOL 😀

  • This is HIGHlarious! Bet he won’t be back

  • I’ve thought about getting this type of revenge against the package thieves, but then I realized that it would just be easier and more effective to get things delivered to my office. If you never get packages delivered, the thieves will have nothing to steal, and will eventually stop walking around neighborhoods.

    There was a long email chain on our block a few months ago with neighbors chiming in on how many packages they had gotten stolen. I finally responded and called everyone stupid for getting multiple packages stolen and then continue to get stuff delivered to the house. Our block is a now a notoriously easy target for several criminals in the neighborhood because everyone continues to get packages delivered, leave valuable things in their cars and answer their doors in the late evenings.

    • Sometimes you don’t have control over where it is sent (i.e. if someone sends something to you as a present). If you order a lot online, you don’t necessarily want to be getting packages all the time at work. Of if you’re ordering something big, awkward or heavy, transporting it back home can be difficult.

      Plus then you have all the people who walk, bike or metro to work.

  • Why don’t you take the screen shot of him and post fliers everywhere in the neighborhood with just the word “THIEF” on it? Post it in every light post and every tree for a four block radius. I am sure he would LOVE to have that out there…

    • ” BRING PACKAGE HOME ” – Last seen with man pictured here.
      I let my beloved ‘Package’ off of the ‘twine’ for a two minutes and he bolted when he thought he saw Santa’s Sleigh. His brother, ‘Junkmail’, really misses him and wants him to come home!
      We will be hosting a gift exchange on Saturday at his favorite store in hopes that we can draw him out. I will have the gaudiest gifts possible, even though I hate gifts, because I know he likes them.
      Please make sure to store my number in your phone so you can call as soon as you see ‘Package’. Yes, I know the posters are on every surface that can be taped or stapled to, and the robocalls are a bit ridiculous, but we have to do whatever it takes to find ‘Package’. If you dare remove one of those posters, we will be shocked and outraged.
      He is very skittish, possibly because we are chasing him with dogs, 3 or 4 psychics, and lonely volunteers. If he senses you are on to him, he will immediately schedule a ‘UPS Pickup’ to extract him from his existing location. He is very good at vanishing. If he makes it East of Connecticut Avenue we may be forced to declare him as feral and ‘send’ him to therapy. It’s only been 10 months, and we know in our hearts that he hasn’t been ‘returned to sender’ yet.
      Call Jane T. with any sightings! I can be reached 24/7. Since I am a VP at my company, I don’t have to worry about this constant search affecting my work.

  • Did the box she place the poop in have a black and white design? I found a ditched “gift” with turds in it in the alley behind my house at 11th and K NE.

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