GDoN? “custom kitchens” edition

1701 Independence Avenue Southeast

Thanks to a reader for sending via twitter. This house is located at 1701 Independence Avenue, Southeast. The listing says:

“2,2lvl units ea. w/3br, 2.5ba, with American Cherry hwf, crown mouldings, custom kitchens,farmhouse sinks and SS appl, custom master BRs and walk-in closets, energy efficient mech. and on demand h/w, custom landscaped patio and yard, 2-car garage with professionally installed paver driveway, custom wi fence, roof deck w/remarkable views of DC monuments, Capitol, Easy walk-bike to HT,SW,EM &Metro.”

You can see more photos here.

This 6 bed/4 full bath/2 half bath is going for $1,555,000.

28 Comment

  • That is one strange looking house.

  • my eyes just vomited. I didnt even know that was possible

  • The price is nuts. Each unit won’t go for nearly 750k, so how does one make any money on this deal? Crazy.

  • justinbc

    Looks like when I was a kid and I stuck random sets of Lego blocks together to make something up on my own. Way overpriced.

  • Dafuq is that thing?

  • WTF is that thing!?! Friends don’t let schizophrenic architect friends mix all the building materials and all the colors into one project….
    Kill it with fire.

  • Hahahahahaha! Someone apparently thought this was easy.

  • clearly someone is a Tetris fan.

  • Someone is clearly a Tetris fan.

  • and wow…it looks even worse from the back.

  • Developers indicated they would complete the condo conversion process if this doesn’t sell combined.

    Also, they managed to find a way to make this look giantly out of proportion from these photos. Walking by, it’s big but not as monstrous as the picture above seems.

  • A million to live that close to St. Colletes and on a major commuter thoroughfare? I don’t think so. Particularly when it looks like that. I am a bit unsure who this was intended to be marketed to. A family with a number of kids? If you had young ones you wouldn’t want to live on a street with that volume of traffic that are getting ready to get on 295. This is too expensive for a owner to get as a group home. Someone that can afford that can get something that looks better on the outside in a location that isn’t borderline highway entrance. The PIVS data says that it was bought in 2013 for $542,000 so while they added on a lot, I doubt it was $1,000,000 worth of a lot.
    And personally on the exterior – If they were going for a Tetris look they should have painted the unpainted bricks at the top a different color.

    • What on earth makes St. Coletta’s a bad neighbor?

      • I can say from personal experience that St. Colettas is a great neighbor. It seems to me that each of these units could probably sell for $700,000 based on comps in the area, but I cant fathom why they structured it this way.

  • Why on earth wouldn’t they at least paint the brick on that ghastly popup the same color as the rest of the brick? I DON’T UNDERSTAND

  • A 2300 sq ft row house in this neighborhood can sell for $750k easily. If the facade wasn’t criminally ugly (which makes me wonder about the quality of the renovation in general) $1.5M wouldn’t be TOTALLY ridiculous. But yeah, they screwed this one up big time. My condolences to the neighbors.

    • So, you’re saying that best case the homes could sell individually for less than the combined asking price. I think that’s wildly optimistic, but let’s entertain this thought. It then follows that the new owners are looking at, at best, a 10% loss on their investment. (Transactions costs are large in real estate.) And if the individual unit(s) doesn’t sell immediately, you also have to float mortgage, insurance and taxes. This is your best-case scenario, built around the premise that a half-basement in this location could fetch 750!

  • just paint it the same color as the siding. it’s not that hard. one color.

  • austindc

    Gives me a craving for some neapolitan ice cream!

  • I live down the block and thought for sure they were going to paint the brick all the same color. I’m surprised they didn’t. Not a big deal to the owners who will spend most of their time inside looking out and won’t have to look at the ugly exterior.

    St. Coletta’s isn’t even an issue, but the house directly across the street should be to any potential buyer(s). It’s a well known site for selling drugs and the police are well aware of what’s going on (heard this from a police officer first hand).

  • justinbc

    On the bright side, this actually makes the “Capitol Hill Oasis” disasters look appealing.

  • Good architecture should lift the spirits. Old rowhouses lift my spirits. This house — well — I would hate have to walk in the front door every day; I would just be depressed. But, if I closed my eyes and bought both units for $925,000 so I could rent them both out – that would be a different story and I would not have to look at the facade each day!

  • I drive by this place everyday and watched it go up…The yard is beautiful, and I thought for sure the developers would make all the brick match. But no…

  • 17th / Independence is accident prone, cars gun through red lights, in some crashes, cars have ended up in that yard or slammed into side of house, just a matter of time to happen again, now there’s larger target to crash into. New occupants will have to live with the noisy & crazy traffic driving from 2 directions. Adjacent row house, 210 17th St SE, now has realtor sign in yard, it’s older renovation into 2 units, MLS listed rents are $1,395 and $1,800 per month.

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