Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user streetamatic

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks and no need to correct people’s grammar. This is a place to vent and/or celebrate things about daily life in DC.

218 Comment

  • Rant: have to find a new nanny. This one was awful, borderline negligent. I makes me so sad that I have to put my baby in this situation. Luckily I have enough leave that I can be home now until we find someone else. It’s good to be in a share because an extra set of eyes are always good.
    Rant: deciding to move to a rental for a year, thinking I could pack and move with a 21 week old. Stupid stupid stupid!
    Rave: Our great 1 bedroom condo in Logan Circle is for rent! Pet friendly!
    Rant: we need to sell our Pottery Barn wall unit because the new place’s lay out isn’t right for the unit. It’s a big piece of furniture – anyone know a good place in addition to CL to try to sell it?

    • Try the classified section on the website Apartment Therapy.

    • Do you have a listing for your condo to share?

    • That is just awful about the nanny! We have ours fill out schedules everyday with times for eating, naps, wet & dirty diapers. The more information that your nanny is willing to share with you the better! Beyond knowing what your child is up to all day, you can also look for patterns in their schedule to see if the nanny is just giving you lip service or is actually doing her job. I hope that you find a great new nanny. In the meantime, enjoy the extra time with the babe!

      • As another concerned mom – how did you discover the neglect? were there any signs? i love our nanny and i think she is great with our son, but i always want to keep my eyes open and be his biggest advocate!

        • sorry for the delay – hope you see this! The first red flag was that my son was not gaining weight and eventually started losing weight. I figured this was an adjustment period and he was being fussy taking bottles. She “tried” to feed him and he didn’t like taking the bottle from her (which should have been the first flag). I thought he was just reverse cycling so I paid an LC to come work with her and it still didn’t do anything. We figure she was just shoving the bottle in not doing the way the LC worked with her to do, and then just said “well he doesn’t eat for me so I’m giving up”. And then she wasn’t changing his diaper. Taking them out in the snow. Shit like that. Then I got a nanny cam and that was it. She wasn’t holding them, changing them, etc.

    • We are leaving out GREAT nanny share but only because we are moving to Chicago. She’s out in Alexandria though.

  • Rant: Blonde cyclist who almost hit me while going the wrong way on 15th St NW this morning, then said it was ok b/c she was riding the wrong way for “only a block.”
    Rant: At myself for losing my temper and calling her a “f*cking as*hole”. Self entitled jerks are always going to act that way, I should have just walked on.
    Rave: The weather is about to break!

    • If enough people call her out on her behavior, maybe she’ll realize she’s doing it wrong and stop. Maybe…

      I’m all for calling people out for their ridiculous, dangerous, illegal, self-entitled behavior.

      • Ok, I don’t like “salmon” myself, but you can verbally correct without the gratuitous profanity. Don’t return rudeness with rudeness, please. It makes the world a happier place.

        • If someone nearly runs over me in any kind of vehicle and it is their fault they will most certainly receive some profanity, it’s entirely called for. If I called someone who was blocking my way or accidentally bumped into me a f*cking a$$hole, that would be a different story…

    • Where on 15th St NW was this?

      • Probably by Meridian Hill Park. There are always bikers going down the wrong way there.

        • I occasionally bike south (the wrong way) down this stretch. It’s not ideal and I always do everything I can to yield to all other bikers, but three things make this common: 1) there are (strangely) two bike lanes down the street, one on either side, 2) the options to the east and west both suck, and 3) it’s only this 3 block stretch which funnels you directly into the bike lane going down NH.
          I actually think the best thing to do here would be to create a contra-flow bike lane that directly connects to NH. While we’re on the subject, it should connect to a 2-way protected bike path down Euclid. Getting west into AdMo from Columbia Heights is not straightforward at all.

          • Please stop. Extremely dangerous. Bikers going up are working hard, climbing means their heads are more looking downward, drivers going very fast.

            Feel free to take 5 minutes to walk bike down sidewalk or bike over to 14th.

          • You seem to be saying that biking with traffic down hill on 14th or 16th street is a worse option than biking into oncoming traffic and bicyclists down 15th street. I take 14th Street and turn onto Florida and connect to the New Hampshire bike lane every morning. Seems to work fine for me. I agree with you that modifying 15th street North of V could help the situation, and last I heard there were plans to install a contraflow bike lane there, but until that happens, I would recommend doing anything but flying down that hill into oncoming traffic, bicyclists and pedestrians.

      • It was between New Hampshire and V, she was attempting to pick up the bike lane just south of V. With the parked cars, there’s zero visibility of cyclists hugging the west side of 15th St.

    • I am pretty sure that the lane that is right next to MHP is to go down 15th street in that direction (although its not very clearly shown on the road. Its a wide road, with bike lanes on both sides, should not be close to hitting anyone. Unless that fall out of their lane, or you did. I bike down that way on the park all the time, and will continue to do so. Rant on!

      • It’s extremely clear on the road. There are arrows everywhere, there are no traffic control devices facing in your direction, nobody is confused about the direction the traffic is supposed to be going. Those of us who ride up that road can’t stand it when we have riders flying down it right at us… Just go down 14th street and cross over at V so you don’t endanger anybody.

      • Actually I was walking, attempting to cross 15th St at V St, going east. So she was southbound, on the west side of 15th between New Hampshire and V. Riding right down a line of parked cars, which impedes visibility on both sides, i.e. for pedestrians like me and cyclists like her, regardless of whether it’s for “just one block” or the width of the street is both illegal and dangerous. I also had the light, if I hadn’t caught the movement out of the corner of my eye, she would have nailed me.

        There’s a lot of senior citizens in multiple buildings (Dunbar senior housing, Wakefield Hall) w/in a block, a church across the street and a school w/in a block. Not to mention the acceleration of the cars going northbound on 15th if the V St light doesn’t stop them makes riding the wrong way there also very dangerous.

        So maybe going a block or so out of your collective way to avoid hitting someone or getting hit wouldn’t be the greatest injustice you’ve ever suffered

      • That lane is not to go down, both lanes are very clearly marked northbound. The lane is there because it is hard to get back over to the right through traffic. Please stop, what you are doing is extremely dangerous.

  • Rave: So many amazing things going on in my life right now: good, challenging job with great people, getting married in less than a month to the best person I know, and we’re expecting our first child (and I have a little over a week till I’m no longer in the first trimester!).

    Rant(ish): While I’m so grateful for everything, work has been so intense the past few months, and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed with everything that’s going on right now. And I feel like I shouldn’t feel that way because it’s all wonderful stuff! But waiting for the genetic testing results, putting out fires at work and realizing that our wedding is still only half planned is kind of paralyzing. Keep reminding myself that this is normal, and it will all pass.

    • You should underestimate how hard change is, even if it’s happy. When I first got engaged I cried every day for a month and I remember it as being the happiest time in my life! There is a lot of mourning of who you were and changing into a new identity. Hang in there and embrace any crying jags that might come your way! And congrats, what a HUGE time for you!

    • Good for you for recognizing you’re in a great moment, despite feeling overwhelmed. I would give anything to be pregnant right now.

    • This was my life last year!!! Got married, bought a house (moved to Va after 6 yrs in DC), had a baby, and started a new position at work. These are all good things, but can totally take a lot out of you! Remember to take time for yourself and your partner to just relax, because believe-you-me, there will be no time for relaxing once your little nugget arrives! Congrats on everything – telling people about the baby is one of the most exciting things 🙂

      • After yesterday’s discussion about the legal system in VA, I’m not sure moving there would be considered a “good thing.” 😉

        • Depends on your ethnicity and financial means (sadly, I’m not joking)

          • I think it has more to do with having the right connections (although money helps too). But I know a lot of white people whose lives have been seriously screwed up by the system in VA. Mine wasn’t seriously screwed up but majorly inconvenienced for most of my time there, and I’m a white middle class female.

  • rave: i’m the email OP, and just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who chimed in yesterday with such kind words. i’m still licking my wounds, but everyone’s comments really helped. thank you so much! <3

  • Rant: more and more people are having babies. It feels like all my college friends either have children or are expecting. I’m trying to be happy for them, and I realize that we’re all around that age, and my husband and I are going to start trying soon too. But right now, every pregnancy announcement I see or baby photo on facebook makes me feel more and more alone. I feel really lost.

    • I guess I don’t really understand because kids are the last thing I want, but if you’re already married to someone who’s on board with the whole kid thing, why do you feel alone when you see baby pictures? I’d understand more if you were single and really wanted to have a kid, but it seems like you’re set up to have one of your own pretty soon, no?

      • This is someone who likes to be the center of attention. When her friends start getting attention with their babies, or they get busy with things other than her, she starts publicizing trumped up emotions (so alone, so lost) so that everyone can smother her with affection.
        I saw some of this when I had a baby; “friends” who couldn’t stand to see others get in the limelight, even for a couple months. One woman told me, to my sleep-deprived face as I bounced my colicky infant, “I just don’t feel like you’re there for me anymore.”

        • Let me guess, didn’t take you long to get pregnant, did it?

        • Wow, ouch.

          My thinking – and obviously I didn’t explain this clearly enough – is that all of my friends are participating in this shared experience that I’m not part of. I do my best to be supportive – hosting baby showers, bringing over frozen meals and treats when the baby is born, etc.. – but it makes me feel like I have less and less in common with my closest friends, and more disconnected from what they’re going through (and vice versa). That’s why I feel lonely – I don’t have any close female friends with shared experiences anymore.

          • I think that makes sense. I’d probably be pretty weirded out if all my friends suddenly started having babies and I was the only one who didn’t want/have one. I think you can take comfort in the fact that you’ll be there soon enough, and since your friends all have gone through it already they can offer advice/help while you’re going through it.

          • I think your last statement is exaggeration – and I think you know that. but otherwise, yes, totally feel you on this. recently had a gathering of my college roommates and I am the only one who is not a mom. I can’t participate in many/most of their discussions, what is front and center in their lives doesn’t resonate with me, and it just fundamentally shifts the relationships. Of course they can and do bond over their shared motherhood, and that’s great. I hope one day I can join them. For now, I’m on the outside.

          • IMO it’s very difficult to keep (or even want to, really) the same female friends through your 20s and 30s, because people are going through different things, marriage, babies, etc. It’s not the same for men (insert reason here, don’t want to get into a debate), who I’ve seen be able to stay friends with the same people for decades, through marriages, babies and whatever else. I am still close to one female friend with kids from my younger years, but in reality, as someone who doesn’t have or want kids, there just isn’t much common ground unless a friendship had a really strong foundation. Not everyone will fit that bill. You find new friends as you get older. It all works out.

        • What’s it like to be so toxic?

          • Yikes why did people just go for the jugular over this innocuous and common sentiment? We’ve all been there–all my friends were still in college when I graduate early. All my friends talked weddings when i was still single. Or whatever version one has. Babies are especially fraught for anyone. OP, I feel you, and you I echo what a PP said about how you will have so much wisdom to tap into when you have a baby. I was one of the first in my group and I envy you! hugs hugs

          • When you are actively trying and it takes a while, it can be really hard to see people on facebook post that they are pregnant. You wish you were pregnant, or wonder how long it took them to get pregnant and why its taking you so much longer than them. Its not being toxic – its a very normal thing.

          • It’s yet more evidence of the increasingly tiresome ME culture. “People are having babies, and it makes ME sad and lonely.” “People are conceiving but *I* can’t, so I hid them on facebook.” Contrary to what you might have been told by Dr Phil, your every emotion is NOT valid and worth sharing. There are some emotions that you should suppress, like any kind of petty self-centered reaction to someone else’s happiness.
            Grow up and be a friend. Do not make others’ milestones and accomplishments about YOU. If you can’t manage it, at least keep it quiet; don’t act like there’s no shame in what you’ve admitted.

          • Re: Anon 11:54 and 11:44, pretty sure they were referring to the toxic party as the commenter claiming that this woman must be a self-centered attention seeker. Because that comment was pretty toxic. I agree that it’s perfectly normal to feel on the outside when friends start to move to that next life phase and you haven’t yet.

        • I appreciate your candor, especially in an age where everyone engages in such mushy, “I feel your pain” speak. It’s a complete pardign shift from what we are drawn to, but the more people look to celebrate the happiness of others, the happier they will be.

    • Try to focus on your own micro family and stay confident that you and your partner are on your own path, and it’s right for you. It will be your turn – you have a partner, you both want to try in the near future (as you suggested) – enjoy the now.

      And as a warning… if you think it’s hard to hear other people’s baby news now, once you start actively trying, it can get even harder. I went off FB entirely in December and it has been really helpful. When close friends have an announcement, I can hear it in person or via email/phone. I don’t need the barrage of other people’s news when it is not even relevant to me. Consider getting off social media if you think it might help you focus in on your own micro-family.

      • What is a micro-family? It seems to imply a couple without children is not a whole family until they have children. What about those of us who never want kids? Does that mean the families we create are any less of a family than those who have children?

        • Not at all – hope I didn’t offend. I was looking for a term like nuclear family. but i find at least, at my age, that nuclear family sometimes feels like me and my brother and my parents. and sometimes it feels like me and my husband. so i was just trying to say the OP and her partner. Forgive the poor shorthand language!

          • Ah ok, I see. I guess I just get a bit touchy since a lot of people still do define “family” as “couple with children” and that does not describe my family or many of the others I know.

          • Totally hear you and totally agree.

    • Single female (don’t think I want children, but who knows) EVERY friend i have is married and has started a family. Make yourself the best auntie EVER!!!, it will make you happy.

    • Were you under the impression that you go through an entire life being friends with the same people? Lives diverge, in ways great and small. There are interesting wonderful people around you, and you should consider cultivating those relatiionships into friendships and step away from social media to see how your “peers” are progressing.

  • Rave: Had a very productive morning (at least until I got to work)
    Rant: Still really struggling with being alone. I’m disconnecting from my dating sites for now though. I met my last SO on OKCupid and I’m still hurting from it. The site makes me sad because I still want to just be with him. But I honestly can’t tell how much of that is him and how much is wanting someone.

    • leftcoastsouthpaw

      I think a lot of us here can commiserate with you. It is natural to conflate missing someone and missing being with someone. As they say, time heals all wounds.

    • Keep your head up. I literally felt exactly the same way about sixty days ago. I am now juggling two guys that I just started dating and all of a sudden feeling very desirable. Keep doing things that you enjoy, exposing yourself to new experiences, and maybe when you’re ready get back on OKC. Hopefully the next one is the right one! I know it can be frustrating and exhausting.

  • Rave: Got my REI dividend

    Rant: It was much less than I expected. But between that and the 20% of coupon, I’ll be able to buy a nice new bike gadget.

  • Rave: Dinner at Thai-Xing tomorrow night! Very excited for my first BYOB dinner in DC, not sure what beer I want to pair the food with yet.
    Random: I am 25 years old, So this girl that went to my middle school/high school who actually was the first girl I ever kissed (it was truth or dare in like 7th grade, i know times have changed) but anyways we have kept in touch a few times over the years (she friended me on Facebook a few years ago and maybe exchanged a message or two), she recently found me on Twitter, and Instagram aswell (like within the past week). She is married now and lives in California, and looks like from a social media perspective is living a great life. Anyways i guess i wish i could just reach out to reach to catch up without seeming like a total creep :/ . Can someone make an app for that?

    • justinbc

      If you’re stuck on a beer pairing then I highly recommend going with a saison, particularly one with some type of peppercorn or flowery essence added to the blend. American IPAs work fine too. Enjoy, Thai X-ing is one of my favorites!

    • Seems like your friend wouldnt mind catching up, as she’s the one initiating all the social media connections! Just send her a facebook message, I’m sure she would appreciate hearing about you and your life, then ask her about hers. Just because you kissed when you were 12 doesnt mean its weird to be friendly now, regardless of her marital status.

    • I’d say just reach out and catch up with her – after all, she found you on Twitter and FB, so she must have some interest in knowing how you’re doing. Nothing inherently creepy about catching up, as long as neither of you make it so.

  • Rave #1: Still pregnant. After an early miscarriage in February, I’m pretty cautious about this one, but found out last night that my blood work was excellent and I’ll be 7 weeks on Sunday 🙂
    Rave #2: Thinking about how to break the news to our families is so much fun. I can’t wait.

    • Congratulations!! So sorry to hear about the one in February but so happy this one is going well!

    • Congratulations!!!!

    • Woohoo! Best wishes and a happy/healthy pregnancy to you.

    • Out of curiosity, do most people keep it from families until 12 weeks? I know most keep it from friends, but wasn’t sure about parents, extended family, etc.

      • We shared with our parents once we saw a heartbeat, which was at 9 weeks. We waited a few more weeks til we told everyone else.

      • We told some close friends right away. We are waiting for 12 weeks to tell our Dads. If my mom was still alive, I would have told her immediately. I think it just depends on your relationships, who you would want/would be able to support you if something went wrong early.

      • Thanks all!

        To answer your question, anon, we are waiting until 12 weeks given our previous loss. If that hadn’t happened, we probably would have told parents/siblings around 6 weeks. I was DYING to tell my mom about my last pregnancy, but when I miscarried less than a week later, I was so glad that I waited. It would have been harder to have to “unshare” the news than it was to tell my parents about the loss. We expect to see a heartbeat next Tuesday around 7.5 weeks and it will be super hard to keep it in if that appointment goes well 🙂

  • Rant: these stupid little assholes I ran into this morning for a second time while walking the dog, who proceed to insult the dog and myself for no apparent reason. Finally called the taller one a little shit and walked away, to which he replied “if you weren’t so tall I’d kick the dog!” Such little goddamn brats. Next time I’m taking their picture and posting it here.


    Rant: I’m never actually going to be able to afford to own in DC, am I? Much less in a neighborhood as nice as where I am now.

    Rave: nothing. There is no good news anywhere.

    • justinbc

      There are lots of inexpensive properties throughout DC. It’s your second statement, about neighborhood preference, that’s the kicker.

      • Right, and part of it is really enjoying not needing a car, nor owning one. I’m pretty sure anywhere I could afford, that wouldn’t be true.

        • justinbc

          That’s certainly possible, part of home ownership always involves some sacrifices versus what you can rent for the same money. DC has a pretty thorough bus system though, I find myself using it more often than the Metro these days. It also depends heavily on how much stuff you have, and the size of your family, if you live with one. There are lots of inexpensive condos in the most desirable neighborhoods, they just happen to be rather tiny.

        • jim_ed

          If you’re willing to go condo, then yeah – there are deals to be had in decent neighborhoods with decent transit. (note decent, not excellent). If you’re looking for your own piece of dirt, then no, the city has become laughably expensive.

    • What is wrong with people that they feel the need to pick on an *adult* and his/her animal?!? Jeez. As a dog owner myself, I’m angry on your behalf. If someone did that to my pup, I would go into a blind, stabby rage of THREATEN MY DOG AND I WILL END YOUR LIFE RIGHT HERE. I hope those kids get mauled by a pack of vigilante chihuahuas.

      • Has nothing to do with having a dog. I am Asian American, don’t have a dog but will always run into kids on the street who will break out into the typical ching chong wing wong ah so bullshit.

        • Oh yes indeed, street harrassment of any sort is the WORST (ugh, sorry to hear about the ignorant, nasty racism). There’s just something about getting it while having an animal or person in your care that really ups the rage ante. Like, “Fine—insult me, but don’t you dare even look at my kid/dog/etc.!”

    • Are you kidding me with kids threatening to kick your dog? I’d be pissed as hell. You sure your neighborhood is that nice? Where do you live?
      I’ve definitely never had that problem, but I have two big “scary” breeds (even though they aren’t scary in reality). People tend to cross the street when they see us and I’m totally ok with it.

      • I live at 12th and S NW, across from Garrison Elementary. Super close to U Street and 14th Street. I have no idea where the kids were heading – they looked about 12, so too old for the elementary school.

        I have a small pug, but I myself am 6′ 8″, so presumably the latter part prevented anything from actually happening. But I swear…

        • Oh ok, I used to live at 9th and S. I hear you on the real estate prices. When I was ready to buy I moved to H St because it was a lot cheaper (at the time, but now it’s not that much cheaper).
          As far as the kids go, wtf? I’m a petite female and I used to walk my dogs around there all the time and never had issues, but maybe it’s the whole they’re scared of my dogs thing. Sorry that happened to you- and more than once! I wish you could just whoop those kids’ butts without any fear of some sort of retaliation or jail time…

        • Ah hell no, they said that towards a pug? Had I been within ear shot, I would have jumped into the fray…

    • epric002

      i feel ya. the worst experience i’ve had in my neighborhood (coheights/petworth) was when i was walking my newly-adopted shy/scared dog after dark by myself. we were coming out of the alley and she was startled by two guys walking past and she barked once. one of the POSes proceeded to cuss out me and my dog, point his hand like a gun at her, and said something along the lines of “if i had my pitbull here with me, pow, pow”. what.the.holy.fuck. i was ENRAGED. and of course there i was nothing i could do. i fumed about it for days.

  • Rave: SUNSHINE! And warmer weather on the horizon!
    Rant: Was up at 6:30 and won’t be down til 11:30. Loooong day
    Rave: But tomorrow is Friday! And I have a date! And I’ll get to watch March Madness!

  • Rant: Can we please have a moratorium on the word “dearth” here? I swear it seems like it must have been the word of the day on the elevator screen a few months ago and ever since everyone has been trying to work it into their commentary (often incorrectly) to sound more articulate.

  • Rant: House cleaning. They never show it happening on TV. Poor single me with a dust mop and a vacuum. I may need to start working again to find a cleaning partner. Hah.

    Rave: New Jobby-Job! After working with a horrible small company, I’m looking forward to returning to the steady comfort of a larger evil corporation. Paychecks are cool.

    Rave: Excellent sushi and teriyaki chicken from Miyagi in McLean VA last night… Shame I always have to drive so far to get it. Wish there were choices for good Sushi or Korean BBQ in Petworth.

    Rave: Between jobs, enjoying the free time, but wish it was on the beach. The only time I get vacation and raises are when I’m switching jobs… SMH.

    Rave: My bird on POP in yesterday’s pet post. Thanks POP!

  • GiantSquid

    Rant/Revel: Finally caught up with one of my best friends last night after over a year of her being MIA. Apparently her husband of 5 years has decided/accepted that he identifies as female and wants to transition. Obviously this opens up all kinds of questions about their relationship. They are committed to making their marriage work but realize that makes them the minority in the trans community they’ve encountered so far. His family is not supportive. Add to that the fact she’s a Christian campus minister, she’s accepted that she’ll probably lose most of her financial support from a once they go public. She relies on donations for her income. I told her that I am there for them and support what they’re going through even though I’ve never experienced it and may not completely understand all the nuances. I’m upset at some of the “Christians” in their lives (church, family, friends) that are judging rather than caring. Just a whole bunch to think about after our chat last night, but glad to reconnect with her.

    • binpetworth

      There was a really wonderful article in Oprah’s magazine a few months back about a similar scenario, in which a married man transitioned to being female. Amazingly, it has worked out well for her and her wife and children. You (and your friend) might want to reflect on it: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Vivienne-Ming-Self-Discovery-GRS

      • On a somewhat related note, I just saw a video of Barbara Walters interviewing an 11 yo transgender girl named Jazz. Pretty remarkable – both the girl and her parents.

      • GiantSquid

        Thank you so much for this article! I’m reading it and will pass it along to her.

    • The most devoutly religious types are so often the least tolerant, which just makes me gibber with frustration. That I, a total atheist, embody the principles of their lord and savior better than they do should really shame them.
      That said, didja see Jimmy Carter on Colbert the other night? Now there’s a Christian Christ would be proud of.

      • Don’t get me started. My rabidly racist cousin once spent an hour making sweeping and bigoted comments about every minority group you could imagine, then launched into my sister and I and how we were not “good moral people” because we do not go to church. Sorry sweetie, just because the priest knows you by name and your kids go to Catholic school, that does not make you christian in thought or action. If I believed in heaven, I have no doubt about which of the two of us would end up there!

    • Wow, that sounds unbelievably hard. I’m sure she’s happy to have your support.

    • justinbc

      Honestly, if that’s her primary source of income, why does she even need to “go public” or disclose it to them? I can’t imagine discussing that type of thing with my employer.

      • GiantSquid

        Because, as a Christian campus minister, she’s supposed to be setting an example for her students. She’s pretty sure that the conservative support group will not see that she’s committed to staying in a monogamous, married relationship but instead see two women married and that’s BAD. The group makes a pretty big deal of touting their married ministers so if she didn’t tell them directly it would eventually get back to them and she’d rather have them find out from her. It’s what we’re seeing quite often now where employers think they can control the personal lives of their employees, and it’s even more complicated when it’s a religious employer promoting a “religious product.” I don’t agree with it at all, but sadly it’s a fact of current life.

        • justinbc

          I guess once he actually starts going through the physical transformation, if he goes that route, it would become noticeable. But that process can take years to complete, so hopefully she can at least maintain some privacy during that time to make a smoother transition elsewhere, since it sounds like that’s inevitable.

          • justinbc

            Btw I happen to know a therapist who has a good bit of experience in this realm if they’re interested in any outside help/support. Her name is Melanie Ness, office is near Dupont Circle.

    • I am, perhaps, callous and shallow, but I haven’t the vaguest idea why one would try to make a marriage to someone who is transitioning to another gender than the one I married “work.” I’m there for you, you can have the guest bedroom, we’re still besties, etc. But we’re not married.

      • Let me hasten to add that I’m all in favor of whatever works for them and best of luck dealing with a challenging situation.

        • GiantSquid

          I hear you. That’s part of what I have trouble wrapping my head around. Especially since they still want to have kids. But it’s not my job to know all the answers, just to be there for them.

      • I have to agree. I am a heterosexual female, and even though I like my husband’s personality, its also the attraction that makes our marriage work. Unless you fall somewhere more towards the middle of the gay/straight spectrum, I would imagine this would be a very difficult transition.

    • As long as the husband isn’t stealing credit cards they should be ok.

    • Who is she getting donations from? I would think that college students, even many religious ones, would be really supportive of a minister that’s going through this. If she does decide to go public with this information she might lose funding from some sources, but I think it would open up the floodgates for donations from others like the LGBT community. Especially if she and her husband were willing to do an interview with the Blade or something.

      • GiantSquid

        You’re right, the college students are very supportive, but they don’t have a ton of money. The bulk of the money is coming from older people from her home church and their current church. She knows many of them lean conservative. I don’t know how much of a deal they want to make of this that going to the Blade or doing crowdfunding would be an option. I mean, it took a year for her to tell me, so it might take a while and they’ve still got to eat and pay rent.

        • Yeah, that what I was worried about. Hope they’re able to stay strong and find a solution that works for them.

    • whoa! that is some hard heavy stuff. best of luck to them!

  • Rave: Purchased into Fundrise’s newest investment opportunity in Shaw yesterday. My second investment with them in DC.
    Rant: Not quite sure that return on investment will be as advertised.
    Rave: I don’t really even care amount ROI because I feel like I’m doing something beneficial for the city and that I’m at the forefront of a new approach to investing in one’s community.
    Rant: I work in the financial services industry and wouldn’t recommend this investment to any of my clients.

    • justinbc

      Haha, yeah, I felt the same way about your last sentiment. I debated it, if it had been in my neighborhood I probably still would have done it along the same lines as your 3rd sentiment.

    • I wanted to try this but all the advice said do not do unless you are just doing for fun

    • Can you provide link for latest fundrise initiative in Shaw? Not sure I’m familiar.

    • I too would love to get in on this idea, but my understanding is that you should be doing this more to improve your immediate community than in hopes of large monetary returns. It’d be great if both could work, but I somehow doubt that.

    • I really want to invest in a something like fundrise but I just can’t get over the fine print of fundrise. I’m curious what your take is on how it helps the community? Since most of the money comes from big money developers I just don’t understand how it’s actually doing anything different for the community than any other developer (except for, perhaps, making the developers richer because they aren’t required to pay interest on a loan). I’m hoping you can convince me I’m totally wrong so I can pull the trigger!

    • What was the return on your first investment? How long did it take to get your principle back? Or is your principle locked up for X amount of years?

  • Rant: Sick. Not sure if it is allergies, a cold, or both. I hate being sick.
    Rave: One more day until the weekend

  • Rave: I had a great dinner with my sister last night. We went to Chez Billy after she got the kids to bed, a process she has optimized in the past week, and had a lovely time catching up.It’s too bad we don’t spend a lot of time one on one any more.
    Rave: I met more of my neighbors who had been having dinner there at the same time. They’re very friendly.
    Rant/Rave: I was down on U St with some time to kill, so I stopped into the Gibson. I appreciate that they were on the forefront of the DC cocktail movement and did a lot to propel it, but have they gone downhill recently? The first floor was practically empty and my brown derby was totally underwhelming. I had a lovely brown derby at Pearl Dive last week and was jonesing for another one, but it fell flat. The house aperitif at Chez Billy on the other hand was fantastic.
    Rant: flying home to colder weather this weekend.
    Rave: it’s to celebrate my grandmother’s 90th birthday!

    • you probably were just there at an off time, If you get there when it opens (i think 6PM) it will be dead empty. By 8-9 starts filling up, and i think by 10PM most nights, good luck trying to pry people out of their seats. I still enjoy my drinks there, even if a few have been misses (its always been fun)

    • justinbc

      Did you happen to go upstairs to the new “cocktail lab” or whatever they’re calling it at Gibson? I haven’t been since they retooled it, but it sounded somewhat interesting.

      • No, I didn’t. I did read a bit about it, but if I wanted something different I could order off menu downstairs. Or go to the Passenger or Columbia Room for that matter. I’m not sure I get how it’s really different from what they’ve been doing. Or is it just rebranding?

        The bartender did say that they’ll change to their spring menu with more original drinks in the next week or two. She was also adding green chartreuse to cinnamon and igniting it, so that could be interesting.

        • justinbc

          Columbia Room is miles above The Gibson in my opinion anyway, so you won’t get any argument from me there 😉 It sounded more like they would give you a sort of checklist of ingredients, spirits, mixers, flavor profiles, whatever, and you could sort of create your own cocktail using their unique offerings. It could turn out terrible or great, but hopefully the bartenders would offer some guidance.

          • I agree that the Columbia Room is the best example DC has for great cocktails, not to mention service and experience. It seems to me like Gibson is repackaging something they already do. I haven’t been to their upstairs, but if it’s a different vibe from downstairs or they allow people to stand and don’t kick them out after two hours with a reservation, then it would indeed be different and intriguing.

  • Rave: Second interview scheduled for dream job (that I never thought I’d have the chance to even think about, much less be a serious candidate). Butterflies for the next couple weeks!

    Extra rave: Awesome boyfriend is wonderful and supportive. I feel like I won the relationship lottery most days.

    Rant: Our rescue pup is not making progress on her issues with men. She snarled (again) at the doggie daycare guy as he went to grab her collar and she sees him several times a week (and has for months). I’m finding it really hard to have faith that training is going to eventually work. It is so sad and frustrating to know that she is all sweetness and light with us, but anxious to the point of nasty freak outs with every other man in the world.

    • Oh boy, fearful dogs are definitely challenging to work with. I have one myself and have been working with her for the past 5 years. A dog with anxiety may never be 100% cured, but there are a lot of things you can do to manage their day to day stress. I’d strongly advise you not to take a fearful dog to a daycare as those types of environments can make their anxiety much, much worse. Could you perhaps instead get a regular dog walker who you take time to slowly introduce to your pup and make sure she’s comfortable?
      Daycares are very chaotic places and are fine for many dogs, but those with fear or anxiety issues can get worse and even become aggressive when put into that type of environment. The same goes for dog parks. Controlled playdates with new people and new dogs is a much better/safer option for a fearful dog. I’m assuming you have a trainer for her already? Who are you using?

      • I just took our rescue dog (adopted in November) to a daycare evaluation this week. She has really blossomed for us at home and while I am able to go home for mid-day walks during work, we were looking for an outlet for her to get some more exercise and a chance to socialize (once or twice a week). She did not do very well in the 10 minutes with a test group but they are willing to take her on a half day to see how/if she warms up. She does really well in controlled play dates with friends who have dogs…but she get’s really anxious seeing dogs on our walks. We hope to find some confidence building classes and continued with controlled situations before we attempt daycare. We’ve only taken her to a dog park once and she was ok…but more interested in any attention she received from a person than running around with the other dogs.

        • I see a lot of red flags in what you are saying. It sounds like you should avoid dog parks and daycares altogether. It is NEVER a good idea to force those interactions on a dog that is starting to show anxiety about other dogs. You can end up with a fear-reactive or even fear-aggressive dog. Trust me, it is no picnic to deal with. I made a lot of mistakes when I first got my rescue (including going to dog parks) and after consulting many trainers/behaviorists/vets, I have learned what works and what doesn’t and what to look out for as far as warning behavior.
          If you’re looking for great classes or trainers, I’d suggest checking out Your Dog’s Friend. They’re a nonprofit group in Montgomery County, but they serve DC and other areas as well. I have volunteered with them for the past 4 years and take classes with my dogs there. Also, Spot On Training located on the Hill comes highly regarded, though I have never personally used them.

        • I see a lot of red flags in what you are saying. It sounds like you should avoid dog parks and daycares altogether. It is NEVER a good idea to force those interactions on a dog that is starting to show anxiety about other dogs. You can end up with a fear-reactive or even fear-aggressive dog. Trust me, it is no picnic to deal with. I made a lot of mistakes when I first got my rescue (including going to dog parks) and after consulting many trainers/behaviorists/vets, I have learned what works and what doesn’t and what to look out for as far as warning behavior.
          If you’re looking for great classes or trainers, I’d suggest checking out Your Dog’s Friend. They’re a nonprofit group in Montgomery County, but they serve DC and other areas as well. I have volunteered with them for the past 4 years and take classes with my dogs there. Also, Spot On Training located on the Hill comes highly regarded, though I have never personally used them.

      • Oh man. That’s so tough!

        My dog is similar- she was very poorly treated when she was a puppy and there are lots of situations that set her off (men, daycare and dog parks among them). Patricia McConnell’s work has been the most helpful, especially The Cautious Canine. Teaching my dog to associate men with tasty beef liver has done wonders, as has controlling what she is exposed to.

        When I see a man walking toward me on the sidewalk, I step into a driveway, get my dog to sit and watch me until he passes. It’s a lot of work to make sure that she doesn’t get put in a situation which might scare her, but worth it. Which daycare is this? Wagtime is OUTSTANDING with fearful dogs.

        • Patricia McConnell’s blog is also a great resource – you can search for “reactive dog” and other relevant topics. I miss her show “Calling All Pets”

        • +1 on Patricia McConnell. Also check out Dr. Sophia Yin, Click to Calm by Emma Parsons and Brenda Aloff’s book, Canine Body Language. It helped me a ton in recognizing the subtle signs my dog was uncomfortable.

    • Perhaps part of the problem is the person tried to grab her collar – my dog would react to that.
      Are you working with a trainer?

      • In outside-of-the-house contexts, it is definitely associated with people reaching towards her to pick up her collar or try to pet her.
        She’s is a dog’s dog – loves the dog park (and will try to physically drag you there whenever she has the chance) and does really well at day care, based on staff feedback and actually watching her body language via the daycare webcams. But when she doesn’t have other dogs around and the situation is solely people-focused, she gets very nervous.
        We have worked with two different trainers at this point. One was from the “pack leader” school and the whole thing ended with me in tears and him refusing payment because it was so unproductive and terrible. The other is positive reinforcement-focused and great, but hard to get a hold of. We’re now trying to set up trainer #3 to see it she is a fit.
        Any trainer recommendations would be greatly appreciated!

        • We also found that daycare was bad for our reactive dog but she needs a ton of exercise. Check out Rachel and the folks at K9 Divine. They pick your dog up, bring them to a farm with 17 acres where they can run themselves silly and play with other dogs if they want, then bring them home. It’s amazing the difference in our dog’s stress since we stopped doing the small indoor daycare and sent her to K9 Divine.

          • Big +1 for K-9 divine. Their service is outstanding. Rachel and Amanda both have plenty of dog training experience. They also are very responsive and attentive with our pup. They have helped her overcome excessive grass eating and car anxiety. They let us know even if she seems a little sluggish or tired.

        • epric002

          agree that dog parks/daycare can be really bad for reactive dogs, but if that’s not the problem and men are, are there any men she likes? i’d recommend having either a man she likes or a man who is patient/good with dogs help you work with her. have him around her, but do not force contact between them, and have him give her DELICIOUS treats whenever she voluntarily approaches him. we had to do this with our dog when we first adopted her. i remember my brother sitting on the kitchen floor and giving our dog a piece of hotdog whenever she came near him. now, he is one of her absolute favorite people. good luck!

  • Rave: Thinking about starting a container garden on our parking pad using galvanized metal stock tanks for veggies and flowers.
    Rant: No water spigot in the backyard – any solutions? Gutters go straight into the drain through the concrete, so a rain barrel isn’t an easy option. We have a water heater in the basement – is it feasible to split the line for a garden hose?

    • Your downspouts are exposed until they run into the ground, yes? It’s easy to put in a rai barrel: remove a section of the downspout, attach the upper end to the barrel with flexible downspout attachments and the overflow from the barrel goes in to the section by the concrete. The further away from the downspout you are the harder this is. You can also get a simple diverter to install in the middle of the downspout that won’t require removing a big section. Either way make a plan for overflow, it’s easier to fill a rain barrel than most people think.

    • I’d add that DC actually has a program that will come and assess your property and install the barrel for you (it’s $45 per barrel and they’ll do up to 2). It’s called DC Greenworks and we had them install two barrels at our house last year. The only downside is there is up to 6 months on the waiting list to get someone to come out. For us, it only ended up being around 3 months, so if you put your name in now you might get one by the time real summer starts.

    • Thanks so much guys! I just signed up – 2-4mo waiting list. In the meantime, I’ll look into other ways of collecting rainwater.

      • There are stand alone rain barrels that you don’t connect to a downspout, though they aren’t as effective. It could be a good interim solution until you get the permanent ones installed.

  • Rant/Question: At what age can/do little kids learn to walk softly? The family in the apartment above ours has a toddler whose “pitter-patter of little feet” takes the form of rather heavy stomping, right above our bedroom, starting around 6:30 every morning. The first few times, we thought it was construction or some kind of accident– we had no idea a little kid could produce that much force! We haven’t said anything because the family has really been very nice to us in other ways (it’s a small condo building, we’re tenants and they’re on the condo board), and they just had another baby so I’m sure their mornings are already stressful enough! So we’re not sure if it’s even reasonable to ask them to do something about it. What would you do?

    • That kid is a long way from having enough motor control to walk gently. The other one will be walking long before that happens.
      Carpets, if they don’t have them? Trying to keep the child out of the room directly above your bedroom in the early morning? But mostly probably not reasonable to expect much. I’d suggest earplugs.

    • Emmaleigh504

      Sometimes never, my dad is a heavy walker and he’s about to be 65!

    • Ask your landlord (or check your lease) if there is a clause in the condo docs that says that a certain portion of the floor has to be covered with rugs/carpet. Most condos have this clause. Then, see if you can muster up the courage to have a conversation with them about their toddler / noise / putting down a rug in the bedroom in a casual, non-confrontational, but seriously please get a rug (or thicker rug), type of way.

    • I would say that by 3-ish, you can “remind” a pre-schooler to use their “inside-walk” — but with more active kids, it would be a battle that’s not great for anyone. Kids walk, kids run, kids stomp, kids have temper tantrums. Some are quieter and less active then others, but that’s just what they do. You’ve more luck with things like ensuring that there’s carpet and padding, etc. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask them to do something about it , in the sense that no one is doing anything “wrong” unless there’s a rule about floor covering and they’re not following it. It does make sense to mention it to them though — because they likely don’t know it’s a problem, and if it’s something easy to solve — like not wearing hard shoes in the apartment, I”d bet they’d be willing to try to make things better.

    • Similar issue here. I’ve just asked that they keep the toddler out of the bedroom until a certain decent time of day on the weekends so I can sleep in. It hasn’t been a problem during the week and the kid has his own room to play in, so it hasn’t been a problem. i’ve also found that those passive sound machines in my bedroom helps a bit (I got it for other city noises, but it helps for stomp, stomp, stomp, too)

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rave: I’ve been tasked with some semi serious aunt duties. Usually I’m fun aunt, but now I get to be serious aunt.
    Rant: Kind of feel like it’s the blind leading the blind with this particular situation.
    Rave: At least I was in a similar situation as the kid, so I can actually talk in a non judgey (I hope) way and give some guidance.

    • I think children benefit so much from having “nonparental” adults take an active interest in their lives. You may be “winging” it, but just showing up and taking an active interest in your niece/nephews’ lives is such a gift to them. Fun auntie can play serious auntie sometimes!

      • Emmaleigh504

        Yeah, I was tasked with this assignment b/c I have the nonparent perspective and the kid is just not listening to the parents. I’m actually honored to have this assignment even if it is nervous-making 🙂

      • gotryit

        +1 for nonparental adults, and I say that as a parent. I’m sure it will help in some of the areas that I’m screwing up as a parent.

  • Rant: Had lip surgery this week. I knew the corner of my lip would be sewn shut but they reality is about 50% of my lip is sewn shut so I am back on a liquid diet for 3 weeks when I have surgery again.

    Rave: Since I gained 5 pounds back going to solid food I guess I can lose it again.

    • I am bummed to hear about your lip … but selfishly excited to read the blender dinner menus again! Promise to post them?

    • Annnnd back to giving you all the virtual hugs. What a bummer…

    • Emmaleigh504

      Yikes, how long will it be sewn up? Wishing you a speedy and easy recovery!

    • So sorry to hear this! Hope you can see some progress being made and your sense of humor should help carry you through.

    • “if you’re getting a face lift you’re doing it wrong!”

    • Bummer! And ouch! How disappointing! Does that mean you have to avoid major fits of laughter along with solid food? I’m glad that you can manage to find a Rave in all of this. I hope the next surgery makes things easier.

  • justinbc

    Rave: A light jacket today, versus the ones with Thinsulate. It’s a small rave, but still a significant step in the right direction!

  • Rant: Freaked out that I dropped a piece of mail at Giant.
    Rave:Someone from Giant called where I lived and stated that they had it.
    Rant: I’m still breathing.

  • Rave: Brilliant juxtaposition of a crescent moon and a glowing Venus over the Anacostia this morning. A rare celestial bauble for those of us crazy enough to get up at 4:30 every day. Almost makes it worth it.
    Rant: Almost 🙂

  • Hi neighbors. I live on the 800 block of Randolph Street, NW. There has been a rash of cars with their windows smashed recently, the latest happening this morning. Although I have not been personally affected, I wanted to let my neighbors know. Most of the cars have out of state tags. I’ve noticed the thieves usually smash the rear passenger side window. Just a friendly reminder, please do not leave items of value or anything visual in your car. Advise your guest as well.

  • Rant: New heat pump (installed in December) conked out sometime overnight, woke up to very cold condo. My last one was also unreliable, I seem to have bad luck with heat pumps.
    Rave 1: Repair person coming right out, unit is still under warranty so hopefully it’s fixable and fast, and weather is getting warmer so it won’t be so damn cold inside anyway.
    Rave 2: Flexible work schedule so I could deal with it this morning.

  • Rant: Work is REALLY stressful right now. I find myself near tears at some point almost every day.

    Rant: The one fun thing I reliably do during the week, which is play in a musical ensemble, is playing music I just can’t play, which is also making it really stressful and not fun. So my stress release oulet is just adding more stress.

  • Rave: My kids have the best aunt in the whole world.

    Rant: We have to replace the furnace/AC some time this spring.

    Rave: It’s not an emergency replacement, so we can take the time to do research.

  • Rant: Lost a piece of mail that I really needed a few days ago. Someone from Giant called the concieger in my building who contacted me but when I went down to Giant this morning, they claimed that they couldn’t find it.
    Rant: As a result of above rant, I’ve been alternating between nervous for potential ID theft and anger at lack of sympathy from friend I called this morning to talk about it with.
    Rant: Loud ass coworkers in the next cubicle and music from earphones do not completely drown them out.
    Rave: Sunny outside.
    Rave: I’m still breathing.

    • is this the car note from above? or are lots of people just losing mail at giant?! 🙂

      either way, sorry to hear you lost something you needed

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