This is Nuts – You Just Gotta Read It


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From MPD:

On Saturday, April 27, 2013, at approximately 4:15 AM, the complainant was physically assaulting his girlfriend when three (3) unknown males approached to render aid to his girlfriend. These unknown males commenced to strike the complainant about the body. The unknown males took the complainant’s cell phone and U.S. Currency and fled the scene on foot. The complainant was arrested and charged with simple assault – domestic violence regarding the assault that he allegedly committed on his girlfriend. This event occurred in the 1000 block of Vermont Avenue, Northwest.

40 Comment

  • US currency, eh? they really hit him where it hurts

  • It’s pretty much a no-brainier that if you’re out and about at 4:15am in the city, you will be mugged. I hope the girl’s ok.

    • Indeed. Every time I’ve been out at 4:15 am assaulting my girlfriend I’ve been mugged. You know the first time I was like “shame on them” but then the second “shame on me”. It’s being struck about the body that really gets to me.

      • To be clear – @anon is a moron. Kev, I laughed at your post.

        The body blows are always the worst. They ring so true at 4:15 AM, or as I like to call it, the mugging hour.

        • Is that so? I’d like to see you try walking around at 4:15am and just see what happens. It has nothing to do with the domestic assault. You’re (the man who was mugged) looking for trouble out that late at night. Post your experience here next Monday.

          • 4:15 AM on K St? I think I’d be fine assuming I wasn’t pre-occupied with some other type of “activity” like this loser was.

          • What’s it like to live your life in fear?

          • thinking it’s dangerous to walk around at 4:00 in the morning is living in fear?

            it’s actually called streetsmarts.

          • What a sad, sheltered life you must live….

          • at least theres no shortage of silly assumptions.

          • I live in Dupont, and have definitely walked home at that hour—always without incident. Your stereotypes belong to 1996.

          • Just because nothing’s happened to you walking home at 4am doesn’t mean the risk of something happening to you isn’t higher at 4am.

          • You’re apparently totally ignorant that there are plenty of reasons why people would be out and about at any particular time of day: shift workers, bus drivers, taxi drivers, totally benign (!) homeless people, bar goers, people catching early flights, insomniac joggers, dog walkers, police… Occupy K Street was around there 24/7 for over a year and nobody got killed. Imagine that? Yes, it is wise to exercise due caution in the city and especially at night, but people are giving you grief because the perception you’re spreading that good people don’t go certain places at certain times (and the implication that they get what they deserve if they do) actually makes those places less safe due to your pathetic defeatism. Meanwhile, thousands of people work graveyard hours to keep this city running and apparently you think it all happens via magic elves or is supervised by armed mercs.

  • So, are the “unknown males” heroes or villains? On the one hand they did “render aid” to the woman who was being assaulted. On the other, they did take the complainant’s cell phone (who cares) and some money. I’m guessing the woman has pretty much decided that all men suck!

  • alphatango

    So that’s how vigilantes fund their operation! I always wondered, if they’re up all night protecting the world, it’d be hard to hold down a day job.

    • Ha ha. I will never look at Batman the same way. Wait, he is a millionaire. We know Peter Parker had a day job, as did Clark Kent. Eye brows raised about the Silver Surfer, although I always figured he just sold pot to his surfer freinds.

      • I think Silver Surfer is the perfect Super Hero in that he doesn’t have to have a day job: he can just sell his body parts like nails and hair which grow back providing him with steady income and allows him to focus on his Super Hero duties and not worry about where is next meal is going to come from.

      • Batman is a BILLIONAIRE

  • Why would the wife beater POS volunteer in his complaint that he was striking his gf? How did MPD know that the muggers approached him to help the gf?

    • Um, maybe the girlfriend herself told the cops? It says “allegedly” so I would imagine that she (or perhaps another witness) is the one alleging the domestic violence.

  • bfinpetworth

    I think we may have teenage mutant ninja turtles in DC!

  • 4:15 am on k street? It’s possible that his “girlfriend” was working…

  • sounds like the bf may have been a p*i*m*p

  • Some people sure do lead messy lives.

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