Thurs. Afternoon Rental Option – Jolly Green Giant in Columbia Heights

This rental is located at Fairmont at 13th St, NW:

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The listing says:

This is the greenest and happiest house in CH, a towering Victorian filled with sunlight, comfort and benies, including:
* Location: On the south side of CH, it’s the best of both worlds: a couple blocks from U Street to the south and from the CH Metro and business district to the north.
* Dimension: Super-sized bedrooms and kitchen, with 2 fridges, gas range and all the bells and whistles, big living and dining rooms; 2 1/2 baths.
* Outdoor space: Huge backyard deck and landscaped backyard.
* Charm: Beautiful pine floors, high ceilings and ornate woodwork throughout.
* Off-street Parking: Extra.
All of this for $6960, plus utilities. One year lease and good credit and references required. No smoking or pets (no matter how cute).

This 6 bed/2.5 bath is going for $6750/Mo.

30 Comment

  • If I were looking to rent out an awesome roof deck and back patio then I’d definitely round up five friends and take it. Unfortunately the picture makes it look like it’s a stumpy brick box and completely gutted…

  • If I was going to pay $6k+ a month for a rental and they had problems with me bringing my dog, i’d just buy a luxury condo in Georgetown instead. $6k a month can finance a 1 million dollar property.

  • Yea…ok. Good luck with that.

    Couple blocks from U Street Metro huh? Google has it at .6 miles, or atleast a 10 minute walk

    Same for CH Metro. A solid half mile. Not saying the location is bad, just saying a “couple blocks to metro” is beyond BS.

    The price is pretty ridiculous too. At that price, you can finance atleast a 1.2 million dollar mortgage (assuming 5% down). So you aren’t going to get a professional couple with kids. They will just buy something equivalent and have a much lower monthly cost of living.

    So your target audience is a group house of college kids. Problem with that is you are charging $1125 per bedroom, and you only have 2 full baths in the place, and no one is going to pay $1125 + utilities to share a bathroom with 3 other people.

    You show a garage in the photo and expect people to pay extra to use it?

    That kitchen is pretty tame for 7K a month. For 7K a month, you better have Sub Zero, Viking, some granite that doesn’t look like vomit and cabinents that don’t look like the 5 dollar specials from lowes.

    I get it, you are trying to cash in on the DC rental market. You own the house, bought it awhile ago, put a little money in it, and now your monthly note is ~3500 bucks. So hey, why not try to make ~3500K a month in profit!!

    But you have to do it with some tact. Know your audience, and your audience paying that much, for “that”.

    • My thoughts too, although their mortgage would be higher than that if they bought more recently.

      If it were my rental I’d probably parse it out into six different listings for each room. A $900-1200 room is going to come up in a lot more searches than a $7000 house. And there are a lot more solo renters out there than groups of six people specifically looking for a house to share. I’d also take some better pictures (but keep the one of the sweet roofdeck). You can’t tell that the kitchen is “super-sized” and has two fridges, for example.

    • Can you actually buy places over a million with only 5% down?

      • Absolutely not. Our house was *only* 3/4ths of a million and the lenders wanted at least 20% (idealy 25% but I refused).

        • That’s what I was thinking but Joker’s comment, “The price is pretty ridiculous too. At that price, you can finance atleast a 1.2 million dollar mortgage (assuming 5% down). So you aren’t going to get a professional couple with kids. They will just buy something equivalent and have a much lower monthly cost of living.” made me wonder. Maybe back in the loose lending days you could have, could have even gotten away (maybe) with nothing down. But I think requirements have changed, a lot.

  • i threw up a little bit when I read “…. filled with sunlight, comfort and benies…”. Ugh.

  • I’m really confused by that back picture. The front looks like it has three levels but the back looks like it has two plus a roofdeck. Is it set into a slope or something? Lovely roofdeck + backyard by the way.

  • Why are there no pictures of the bedrooms or the two fridges? I suspect it’s because it currently looks like a wreck with 6+ people living there.

    Not a good deal.

    (Yes, I know this isn’t a GDON post) 😉

  • orderedchaos

    Awesome-looking home, but insanely overpriced. $7k/mo. including neither utilities nor parking? C’mon now.

  • As a early 20-something who just spent months sifting through group home ads, $1100/person is (sadly) cheap/the standard for the area. No matter the number of bathrooms.

  • Why not live alone in sweeter digs for less?
    Until DC figures out a way to provide affordable housing for middle income people, there needs to be stronger rent control laws banning @55h0l35 like this guy.

  • I live about a block away in a 6-bedroom place. I love the area, save for the not feeling 100% safe some nights. It really is an easy walk to either metro, though not “a few blocks.” I’d say more a ~6 minute walk to CH and ~10 to U St.

    My group house pays $4,000/mo. in rent, collectively. I know this is cheap-o-cheap, and we’re lucky, but I couldn’t imagine having to share a place with 5 other people and spend more than $900/mo. 2 fridges or not, it’s not super convenient to share a kitchen with that many other people, let alone other common areas.

  • It’s maybe worth pointing out for those that don’t know that some of these houses have a 7th room that they can’t legally rent out to a 7th unrelated person, but the landlords/managers are willing to not ask questions about why they get 7 checks each month.

    That said, it’s still overpriced even if that’s true.

  • This street should be called ‘Fairamount’ for the number of housing projects on this street. Too far from everything for this price.

  • Why did they ruin the little greenspace they had in the front just to add another entrance. Surely there was another way. Just what the world needs, more cement.

  • While the photo of the back patio and roof deck look amazing, they also look like it’s newly done. If this turns into a group house (that many bedrooms for that price), the roof deck will look horrible with time and wear and tear. I hardly doubt the tenants would do the work to maintain the beauty of that deck.

    • Allison

      I shudder at the thought of the way I’ve seen some group homes being “taken care of” by barely-post graduates here in D.C..

      Amazing historic architecture and nothing but a living room filled with grungy bicycles and the oh-so-ubiquitously prized possession, a beer pong table. Gorgeous hand-carved wooden mantlepieces topped with empty plastic vodka bottles. Original bathroom tiling allowed to mold. Makes me so sad to see houses treated this way.

  • So they should show the deck strewn with pizza boxes and beah cans?

    • Ah no, we obviously think differently. I was thinking in terms of re-sanding and staining the deck to continue looking new and nice. But empty pizza boxes and drained beer cans strewn around might serve the same purpose for the point. Duly noted.

  • What the hell is so green about this place?

  • No pets = no thanks. I wouldn’t want to rent from a douchebag who doesn’t want my canine son (who, for the record, has never damaged anything, which is far more than I can say for a number of human children owned by my friends…) in his overpriced investment…

  • I lived in this house for two years. The landlord is one of the worst human beings I’ve ever met. The “separate entrance” is actually a basement apartment that he was building from scratch while we were living upstairs… Constant, loud drilling/construction noise from 7a-7p, dirt that floated up from the basement (through the cracks in the “beautiful pine floors”) filled every crevice in the house… it was awful. And, just a few months after we moved out, the basement apartment got flooded out. All that stress, noise, dirt, and thousands of dollars out of our pockets… Anyone looking to rent this house should be forewarned: in this case, “you pay for what you get” does NOT apply.

    • @Anonymous 2:16 – yeah, the fact that this guy is a real douchebag was pretty evident from the way the ad was written. I’m sorry you had to deal with him. Nothing is worse that a bad landlord 🙁

  • FYI this house has a really bad mouse problem.

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