Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville reader Nikoo’s Photos

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks. I’ll open this thread every morning at 10am.

144 Comment

  • Rant: Selfish marathon runners closing down city streets just so that they can say “look at me, I’m running a marathon” and then throw their paper water cups on the ground. Have you seen how much trash a marathon generates? It’s insane! It has to be one of the most selfish things a person can do.

    Rave: Great weather for the marathon this weekend!

    • Where should marathoners run? Trails exclusively? Do you hold parades on city streets in the same regard? Selfish marching bands! Ooooooh, look at us! 🙂

      The route goes right past my house with a water stop 2 blocks away, and I can tell you for SURE that our street is cleaner after the race than before it. See, the race directors clean up after themselves as opposed to the people who just throw wrappers on the ground outside of the corner store when they are 10 feet from the trash can.

      • All marathon runners should run NIMBY! Haha. I am excited to see them tomorrow, should be fun. How can you not think it is cool to get to walk out your front door with a cup of coffee, and watch the culmination of years of hard work?

  • rant: i feel like there is a hole in my heart today.

    rave: at least it’s friday.

    rant: am i really an asshole?

    rave: only me in the office right now. one other person might come in… eventually.

    • It’s hard to keep it in perspective when you feel so down but try to remember that you’ve survived these hard feelings before and you can do it again. Hope you feel better soon.

  • rant: a PERSON pooped by my garage door (there was toilet paper left behind).
    rant: I drove my car through the poop.
    rant: My garage wreaks of poop.
    rant: It’s warm outside and my block has been turned in to a teen hang-out. I bet there was at least 20 outside yesterday. Where do these kids come from? Where is your home? Take your cuss words and trash somewhere else.
    rave: I love my job.
    rave: My boyfriend is coming to see me today!

    • Ugh, where do you live?

    • I’d make the boyfriend earn his keep and have him clean up the poop and scare off the teens. If he refuses to do that dump him and then go out and find a real man.

    • Some freaking crack head got me with the same thing when I was in Columbia Heights, just sprayed it all over the garage door and in front of the garage. It really makes you wonder how two beings from the same species can be so far apart in the spectrum of human being and animal being.

  • It’s great to see the Friends of Bundy Park Inc. organizing to open up the new dog park/dog run/DEA on the 400 b/o P Street NW. Brief organizational meetup on site Saturday at 10:45am (pets not permitted yet). https://twitter.com/#!/FriendsOfBundy

    Parks and Rec Chair and Shaw/Ward6 CM Tommy Wells delivers results: New super bright lights at the Kennedy Recreation Center in Shaw should deter the nonsense that has been going on over the years: http://ccca-online.org/CrimePreventionArrivesInShaw

    Biggest drug/crime/gun bust in DC in recent history, and silence from the community? I hope folks file community impact statements and don’t let the perps out through the “revolving door” back onto the streets. MPD did its job, USAO did its job; community needs to step up so that the compassionate judges don’t let these dudes off easy because only their grandmas, cuzzins and girlfriends showed up to speak on their behalf at sentencing. http://CCCA-online.org/GUILTYKeithGastonEspeyBrown

    Old City Green, 9th&NStNW, opens this weekend, get your garden on!

    Have a lovely weekend.

  • rant: bf and I have each had a friend (as in two separate people) diagnosed with lymphoma in the past few weeks, both of them previously healthy and under 24 years old…ugh.

    • That’s so sad. I wish your friends the best of luck. Three people from my class in college have been diagnosed with cancer since we graduated in 2010. It’s awful to see people who were previously so young and healthy getting sick like that.

      • I wish your friends the best. For what it’s worth, one of my best friends was diagnosed with lymphoma when we were in junior high school. He is 47 now. He survived and was put into remission by the radiation and chemo of 30 years ago. I’m sure the treatments have only gotten better.

  • Rave: It’s Friday and I’m leaving work early.

    Rave.2: Thursday Happy Hour with friends. Two really great friends who
    are fab to hang out with.

    Rant: Acquaintance and his friend getting drunk and being loud and
    obnoxious. I have no tolerance for such behavior. Never again!
    Membership revoked.

  • Rant: Mom’s sad and is in near tears every time we talk on the phone.

    Rave: Mom and my 94 year old granddad are visiting me this weekend!

    Rave: I get to host my grandfather in our new home and we’ll get in some Cherry Blossom viewing. Any suggestions on Cherry Blossom viewing with a mobile and energetic, but elderly family member? I was thinking of renting a zipcar and shuttling him around the tidal basin and getting out for brief periods of walking but I’m not sure what parking or traffic will be like on Sunday. Any tips?

    • What about one of the boat tours to view the cherry blossoms? I think there is a groupon or livingsocial now for like $10 a person?

      • Good idea but it’s sold out by selling like a bajillion of them. Maybe there are other boat tours available you could take? Driving/parking would be a pain but it might be your best bet… at least then you could drop him off at one location while you look for parking and/or drive around while he and your mom take it in. Enjoy their visit!

        • I didn’t even know boat tours were available! Are they around the Hains Point area? That’s a wonderful idea to keep under my belt for the future- I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Thank you!

          • Most of the ones that I know of leave from the Georgetown Waterfront. Check out Potomac River Cruises or just google river boat tours in the area for other companies. They have special ones offered during the festival, I think, as opposed to the standard ones that head to Old Town/Mt. Vernon. You could also check out the trolley tours to see if they have any geared towards elderly/disabled clientele. Those still might be hop on/hop off but it still might be a decent idea for you to consider. I know one of the trolley tours used to give a free ticket to you if you’re a DC resident, FYI.

    • A couple years ago my then-91 year old, and quite immobile grandmother came to visit. If your grandfather has a removable disable vehicle tag, I would urge you to bring it. The disabled parking near the Tidal Basin is very accessible and they have a time limit on how long you can park, so it turns over pretty reasonably.

    • Aside from parking difficulties, simply driving in the area can be difficult to standstill. My little group (with kids) ares planning just to take a taxi, hope there will be taxis around for the homeward trip or go home on metro. Be sure to bring water (& snacks if you think you will need them) as there is no place to get any until you get to the Jefferson memorial.

      If you haven’t seen the FDR memorial definitely take your grandfather through there – it is great for anyone, but particularly interesting with someone who has lived through that whole time.

      • I assume you mean the traffic is at a standstill? Is this true around the tidal basin? If so, I think you’re probably right taxis might be the best way to get around. I was worried though about waiting for the taxis and not being able to control when/where to find them.

        Great idea about the FDR memorial. As he was in WWII and Korea I hope to take him to both of those as well. He’s seen the Korean War memorial but not the WWII memorial.

        Jez, I’m packing a lot for a one day visit from him!

        • Yes – traffic at a standstill – particularly on Independence Ave where the Kutz bridge creates a bottleneck, exacerbated by floods of people crossing there as they come from Metro. (People traffic at this point can also be standstill!)

          If driving, or in taxi, I would go Rock Creek parkway to Ohio drive (West Potomac park) Taxis aren’t supposed to take the parkway however.

    • The cherry blossoms at Hains point and the Tidal Basin are of course fantastic. But there are lots of other great places to see cherry blossoms around without the crowds, like Dumbarton Oaks or Kenwood MD.

    • em

      Bike and Roll rents wheelchairs (http://www.bikethesites.com/Bikes/) for an hour to a day or more – that might help with mobility.

  • GiantSquid

    Rave: Biked to work the last four days. Rewarding self with massage from Lunar.

    Rant: Legs are sore. Taking a break today.

    Rant: People complaining about the marathon. It’s one day. You live in the Nation’s capital. At least these street closures are announced.

    Rave: Hubs actually agreed to go out for Mexican food last night. And it was goooooood.

    • Playing devil’s advocate for a moment, because I really don’t have much of a dog in this fight. But it’s hardly “just one day.” There’s the National Marathon, the Marine Corps Marathon, the Army Ten Miler, the Susan G. Komen Race to Stop Planned Parenthood…and a few more I can’t think of off the top of my head. Not to mention the crazy, ridiculous obnoxiousness that is Cop Week or Rolling Thunder.

      DC actually closes a lot of streets for a lot of races. Probably more than most cities. I don’t blame the runners for the litter though. That’s a failure of the race organizers, as water cups are a standard marathon practice, and plans should be made to clean up after the runners. DC ought to get serious about this and deny permits to organizations that don’t do an adequate job cleaning after a race, parade or a street festival.

      • Your comment is annoying on so many levels but its Friday and I don’t feel like writing an essay, so I’ll just say -1

        • I actually like the marathons and other races. (Cop Week and Rolling Thunder suck massively, though.) But there’s nothing in my comment that’s untrue. By and large most races do exactly what they’re obligated to do if not more. But the ones that don’t ought to be held accountable. As long as we’re just citing anecdotal evidence, I live three blocks from the Marine Corps marathon route and can tell you there were quite a few cups and water bottles left behind.

  • Rant: smokers who throw their butts on the street, especially like the woman at the 42/43 bus stop who was standing right next to one of those “if you burn it, urn it” signs -and- an urn (and subsequently told me off when I pointed this out to her).

    • I’m with you on the cigarette-butts rant.

      Honestly, what do people think happens to their discarded cigarette butts? At least in a BID area there might be paid sidewalk-sweepers, but in residential areas, the butts just stay there.

      • This reminded me of something makes me laugh.

        Some years ago I was waiting at the corner of Porter and Connective Ave waiting to cross, and a guy waiting in the passenger seat of a car at the light threw his butt out the window and landed at my feet.

        I picked it up and threw it back in the open window. High pitched yelling about getting burned, melting of vinyl seats and jumping out of said car followed.

        Passenger of car, some early 20’s d-bag gets out to confront me and throws the butt back on the ground. I’m not worried. Just a small kid with a big mouth.

        Little did I know there was a bike cop standing outside the 7-11 (that used to be there) right behind me that watched the whole thing and he walks up to the kid, pulls him aside to defuse the situation and proceeds to give him two littering fines (one for each time he threw the butt on the ground).

        It was in a word, hilarious.

        • Great story. I’ve had many fantasies about doing that. Well done!

        • +1 I tell friends I wish I could be deputized to cite people for littering… they tell me I should let it go.

          • I tell friends that I wish they would make people that litter wear brightly colored shirts that say “I threw trash on the ground” or maybe something funny like “I was trashy” and make them pick up trash for four hours on a Saturday. I bet they’d be so embarrassed that they’d think twice before doing it again.

    • I’ve always been amazed at the cigarette butt “exception” to littering. People who would never throw anything else on the ground toss their butts without a second thought.

      • SouthwestDC

        I’m guessing it’s paranoia about accidentally starting a trash fire.

        • If you’re options are to litter or start a trash fire, then don’t smoke. Try to find yourself a nearby cigarette butt receptacle, and go for a nice walk and light up there and dispose of it properly. If there aren’t any nearby talk to somebody about getting one put in. There’s no excuse for littering.

  • binpetworth

    Mini-rant: I’m always inadequately dressed for the weather. Yesterday, overdressed. Today, freezing in my summer clothes.

    Rave: Sporcle. I’m addicted to the geography quizzes. Great for breaks in otherwise tedious days.

    • talula

      Haha me too! Finally wore a dress without tights today, and I’m freezing! I’m always one step behind people when it comes to fashion.

  • Rant: Biker last night who got pissed at the car in front of him for not signaling their lane change and then ssaid biker proceeds to swerve in and out of traffic and cut me off with no kind of signaling at all. I mean can I get some kind of hand gesture? Please remember you are 150 lbs or so with the bike and we are in 2 ton cars.

    • I’ve been biking to work for a year now and the last few months and have been finding myself getting more frustrated with fellow bikers than anybody else. No signaling, no lights at night, aggressively passing on the right – just a few days ago I was waiting for an elderly woman to pass through a crosswalk with her grandson – just as they passed by and I started to turn right I get yelled at by some moron trying to quickly pass in between me and the pedestrians – blew my mind.

      • Unfortunately doesn’t surprise me one bit. I don’t know why cyclist think they can zoom through crosswalks like that. Am I missing something or are bikes not classified as vehicles when on the street?

        I have had a few close calls myself when just walking across the street and a bike comes zooming along barely missing me. I will just say this, if it happens again and I feel like I am in danger of getting hit by a bike while I’m in the right and minding my biz, I am going into fullback mode, bet you I don’t lose.

        • OK, so I am not going to plow anyone over on purpose. But I can’t lie, the thought has gone through my mind.

        • The surprising thing is that the biker wasn’t even using the sidewalk – just trying to squeeze in the few feet between me and the pedestrians. I think it is important to remember that you always remember the 2 idiots and not the 98 other people that are doing things right, but it is still frustrating sometimes.

          • No doubt. I totally understand that there are people who obey the rules and know what they are doing. It is the other ones that mess it up for everyone. Check my last post…

      • I totally agree with you. I rode to work yesterday and was thinking how nice the drivers seemed to be—yielding, giving me room, etc. However, it was the bikers that almost caused us to have an accident. Bikers, we also must share the road with each other!

    • Most motorcycles weigh 300-450 pounds, not 150 pounds.

  • Rant: It got a little cooler out this morning.

    Rave: I won a green chair yesterday from Room and Board!

  • Rant: Passive-aggressive people who were never taught how to effectively communicate with people who deserve the truth.
    Rave: My sister will be here in less than a week. By chance, she’ll be here for the exact peak days of the cherry blossoms!
    Rave: (You are all going to hate me but I can’t help myself) Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday! 🙂

    • +++1
      Oh my, I was just about to add another rant about passive aggressive people and my frustration with them in the workplace. Ugh

  • Rave: New and very much improved kitchen – I’m loving it!

  • Revel: All day in a car driving around Xi’an followed by beer in the countryside.

    • Rant: Lucky hubby tripping around China for work, eating fantastic food and visiting the Great Wall without me 🙁
      Rave: Visiting with my sister and a full line-up of kid-friendly parties on Saturday.
      Rant: The first wave of our daffodils are already fading!
      Rave: Tulips on the way…

  • Rant: Sorting through and gathering paperwork for refinance…

    Rant: Construction companies being elusive on price quotes…

    Rant: Inconsistent trash collection in my neighborhood…

    Raves: Niece’s birthday party today, I used to hate kids parties, but looking forward to this one because she’s always happy to see me… *tear*

  • Rant: I have been doing the work of three people (literally) for far too long. I cannot keep this up for much longer, but there’s not real end in sight.

    Rave: Gorgeous weather and lots of fun plans for the weekend.

    Rant: Allergies are worse than ever and my energy levels are very low.

    Rave: Yoga this morning. Love yoga in the morning.

  • Rant: I told my mom that my husband got a job offer in another state yesterday. She made me feel guilty because we’re not moving closer to her. 🙁

  • Rant: This damn deep thigh bruise I got it almost a week ago while playing futsal is killing me. After doing some research I found out it can last another week. This sucks because it really does hurt when I pretty much do anything.

    • One word: arnicare. It will change your life. You should be able to find it at a health food store or MAYBE a well-stocked CVS. My friend recommended it to me after I got bruised badly from falling down a flight of stairs. Take care!

    • My British friends speak very highly of arnica cream (though there seems to be some debate/controversy as to its effectiveness — see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnica#Medicinal_uses).

      • Meh. You could have a debat about anything, besides, that link is from Wikipedia. 😉

        Seriously though – it depends on the person but my personal experience is that it made a big difference.

      • Meh. You could have a debate about anything, besides, that link is from Wikipedia. 😉

        Seriously though – it depends on the person but my personal experience is that it made a big difference.

    • anon. gardener

      If you have a bathtub – epsom salts. two cups of epsom salts in the hottest water you can stand. it really pulls the badness out of your muscles. added bonus – epsom salt is super cheap, only a couple of bucks for a huge container at CVS.

    • Thanks all, I will definitely be checking out arnica cream today.

  • Most of the ones that I know of leave from the Georgetown Waterfront. Check out Potomac River Cruises or just google river boat tours in the area for other companies. They have special ones offered during the festival, I think, as opposed to the standard ones that head to Old Town/Mt. Vernon. You could also check out the trolley tours to see if they have any geared towards elderly/disabled clientele. Those still might be hop on/hop off but it still might be a decent idea for you to consider. I know one of the trolley tours used to give a free ticket to you if you’re a DC resident, FYI.

  • Rave: my 4-day getaway weekend is getting a little closer every day!

    Anyone visited Charlottesville and have recommendations on things to do (breweries/vineyards to visit, touristy stuff, good restaurants)?

    • There’s a place in the downtown pedestrian mall where you can cut and decorate your own glassware–my husband and I made soup bowls last time we were there, but you can do picture frames, jewelry, etc. It was fun.

      And there is an absolutely fabulous restaurant called the Ivy Inn.
      Absolutely stellar.

    • I personally love Charlottesville. My favorite vineyard is Barbousville. They have a wide selection, and most of the wines are quite tasty in my opinion. Here are my thoughts on some of the other vineyards…

      Jefferson – yummy wine, but tastings are more expensive than others. I think it’s $10/each
      First Colony – I think we ended up with 2 bottles from here. One was OK, but one was sour.
      Horton – not the best wine, but they are more experimental than others. My in-laws love sweet fruit wines and they have several options. I want to say we got raspberry.
      White Hall – Decent wine, felt rushed through tasting.
      Pollak – Love their Viogner, and I usually don’t like Viogner. Small operation but good wine.
      Veritas – Never made it in the front door due to crowds. Tried twice and it was too crowded both times.
      Sugar Hill (I think? Sugar Leaf?) – Limited selection, very pricey

      I have been to others but I can’t think of them right now. Try Zocalo for a restaurant in Charlottesville, but make sure to make a reservation. We missed out on our last trip. 🙁

    • You could also go to Keswick Vineyards. My in-laws live not too far from Charlottesville, and that is one of the best vineyards we have been to.

  • Emmaleigh504

    Rant: Pollen is killing me.

    Rant: Passive aggressive cows at work.

    Rave: One incompetent person (not the Incompetent One) is being moved to another section.

    Rave: Lunch club meeting at a Thai place.

  • claire

    Rave: Weekend cooking projects! I might be being a little overly ambitious for this weekend, but I’m planning on making: NY strip steak (it’s on sale at Whole Foods!) with a mushroom sauce, Vietnamese shrimp salad, balsamic barbecue chicken, Thai cabbage salad, and brownies two ways (dulce de leche swirl and blood orange curd swirl). It’s going to be pretty indulgent…

    • Ooh, that sounds tasty. I’m making osso bucco.

    • What time should I come over? I’ll bring adult beverages. 🙂

    • The brownies sound heavenly!

    • SouthwestDC

      Mmm, same here. I’ve been busy with houseguests and haven’t cooked in over a week, which is unheard of for me!

    • care to share the blood orange curd swirl brownie recipe? pretty please?

      • Although I am not privy to claire’s specific recipe, I don’t think it would be too hard to do from the description – I’m assuming you have a brownie recipe. Pour brownie batter into pan. Make blood orange curd (though you probably missed the blood orange season by now). Pour blood orange curd over brownie batter and take a butter knife and make pretty swirls of orange curd into brownie batter to achieve swirl effect. Bake and eat.

        • claire

          Bingo! I have a recipe for blood orange curd up on my blog (just went up today – http://www.seletsucre.com/blood-orange-curd/ ). And my plan is to double David Lebovitz’s brownie recipe which he swirls with dulce de leche and swirl half with the blood orange curd: http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2006/06/dulce-de-leche/ . Haven’t made this particular brownie recipe before, but I’ve a lot of confidence in his recipes!

          • That looks amazing. The only question I had was whether the curd is thick enough to hold up for this kind of a project. Thoughts?

          • claire

            Hmm, it’s definitely not as thick as dulce de leche, but I’m banking on it being thick enough – will report back!

          • Re: Anonymous and the curd question.

            Curds tend to thicken as they sit. If after it is made, it seems a little too runny and you are concerned, put it in the refrigerator overnight and it should thicken and that might ease some of your concern. I would say the only tricky part to working with curd is making the curd itself…be careful because if you cook it at too high a temperature, you will end up scrambling the curd and it won’t come together as it should.

        • Blithe

          It won’t help if you need zest, but the Whole Foods in Friendship Heights sells blood orange juice in quarts for about $3.99 a bottle. YUM!

  • Rave: Got an awesome performance review. So nice to finally have a boss that recognizes and appreciates the work that I do. Now they need to pay up, because it’s hard to continue the grueling pace when I know for a fact that my peers in this organization are making between $15k-$20k more than me. Luckily I think the boss gets it.

  • Rave: My amazing friends and family. One of my best friends in the whole world is coming to visit in May, and I’m so excited.

    Rant: Adjusting my expectations for how much rent is going to cost in NoVa. I’m not thrilled about leaving DC, but circumstances necessitate it for now.

    Rave: New tactic for dealing with the annoyances of my job is to turn my brain off. I hate the idea of turning my brain off to complete my work, but it’s the only way to handle it without getting upset.

  • RAVE: went to Highlands last night for those vegan tacos. They were awesome!
    Rave: chased them down with leftover pot roast. yum.
    Rant: allergies killing me today.
    Rave: Mautner Project gala tomorrow night!

  • Question – Should CaBis or whateve those bikes are called be allowed on the road? Should there be some kind of license or testing before someone can rent/ride one?

    I mean it is one thing to know how to ride, be quick and understand all of the rules because this is what you do, you have been biking for years…but it is another thing to be some yahoo who knows nothing about biking (in the city no less), has no clue about the gears of the bike, is slow and unsteady and just thinks it is cool to be able to ride the bike in the city streets. I can’t tell you how many times I see people on these things that clearly have no experience, I worry about them falling into my car and worse. Don’t act like I am the only one who sees them, you know the rookie who is trying so go past you in stopped traffic but is going to slow to pedal and keeps having put their foot on the ground but yet is about to fall over because they are still trying to pedal and move past stopped cars. You know the type. Real bikers have skill and balance. They know when to change gears…

    • claire

      The bike rental system seems to work out just fine in other cities where it’s been implemented without need for such a thing. Also, I’m not sure if you’ve ever ridden a Capital Bikeshare bike, but those things are *heavy* and bulky, and the gears don’t really make a huge difference (the lowest gear isn’t close to enough for DC’s steepest hills) so I imagine some of the people you’ve seen may indeed be fine at bike riding but are still adjusting to those bikes in particular. Anyway, how are people supposed to learn how to bike/have years of biking experience without starting somewhere? That said, it’s always a good idea for people to have a sense of their abilities and adjust their routes accordingly (I’m not a super bicyclist myself so I stick to roads with bike lanes).

    • I think WABA (Wash. Area Bicyclist Assn) actually runs clinics on how to ride safely in the city. You can look on their website.

    • Well, they have licensing and testing for automobile drivers, and there are a ton of crappy drivers on the streets of DC, so I doubt that would work for bikes either.

  • Rant: Had a big blowup with my Mom last night based on 2 things. (1) we had a convo on Saturday that was overtaken by her berating decisions I made while in highschool (HIGHSCHOOL!!) like cutting class and not taking things seriously, I apologized and said I was (and I am) truly sorry for makingt hose decisions but I was a young/dumb teenager. Phone call ended after 20 mintues of her berating me when I said I was sorry but couldn’t take the convo anymore and she retorted that I was being selfish. I texted her regarding the convo and she texted back “I’m sorry just having a rough day.” Called last night because its been bothering me all week and I feel like I am owed a bit more than a half-hearted text apology for getting berated for my 16 year old self, she dismissed the conversation requesting we act like it never happened. I don’t appreciate that she didn’t even acknowledge how she made me feel, which led to my discussing (2) that in the 3 weeks since my engagement she hasn’t called my fiance and I to say congratualtions and her and I haven’t had a single conversation regarding my engagement apart from the 2 minute convo we had directly after the event, I feel like she doesn’t care about this very big, and very important, and (hopefully) one-time occurance in my life. Her response was that she has had house-guests (my sister and my cousin) for the past two-weeks so she couldn’t call…uhh what?? Convo ended last night with her telling me I was being self-fish and hanging up on me…I don’t even have any hopes that she will call me back and I will likely have to be the one to call her at some point.

    Rave: Engaged and still high on life three weeks later!

    • Congrats on the engagement. All the best!

    • claire

      Sounds like a difficult situation! Wonder if maybe your mom is having trouble with you getting engaged (all grown up/don’t need her anymore/etc) or is potentially going through menopause (I only suggest this because my mom had a hard time emotionally going through menopause recently and damn did it take an emotional toll on me too!).

      • Unfortunetly she went through menopause during that time in highschool when I was running around like a crazy kid without a regard or care in the world.

        I know she is going through a tough time with her relationship with my stepdad, and my heart breaks for that. But I’m having difficulty with trying to rationalize her lack of enthusiasim for my engagement because of that. She loves my fiance so that is not the problem. But I do think she is a little miffed she wasn’t told prior to the engagement and more so because my dad was (my fiance did the traditional, asking the father for the daughters hand in marriage thing) so I think its ridiculous that she would enterain that. I just want her to be happy for me and to express that happiness to both he and I, and she hasn’t.

        • First, congratulations on your engagement! No way around it – but that is exciting news. I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t gotten the enthusiasm that you are hoping for from your Mom. I’m not going to say to focus on your happiness and it’s not important what other people think (or don’t think) because it’s your Mom and it’s natural to want to have her excitement for you. You did say it yourself in your post that your mother is having a hard time in her relationship with your stepdad (her current husband) and while we all might hope for and wish that someone can stand outside of their unhappiness to share in someone else’s happiness, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it’s really hard to step away from one’s own unhappiness (as selfish as that sounds from the outside perspective). Give your mom some time; it sounds like she could come around in time but that she’s in pain or in an unhappy place. It’s also possible that she might be suffering from depression, where that ability to step outside of one’s unhappiness might be even that much more difficult to share in your own.

          Your in a really exciting time right now so I hope you enjoy your engagement period.

          • Thank you very much for everything you said. You made some points that I have needed someone to say to me to put things into perspective. Thank you again.

        • Emmaleigh504

          She might feel slighted because your boyfriend asked your father permission, but didn’t ask her. If they were married, I don’t think this would be a big deal, but since they aren’t she may feel that she and your stepfather should give permission too.

          I hope your marriage is a long and happy one!

    • I’m engaged too. I had a huge fight with my mom, where she was equally cutting and dismissive. Likewise, in the year that my fiance and I have been engaged, she has not offered to help or express any interest in the wedding at all. IMHO, parents don’t need to do too much in terms of planning and logicials, but it means a lot when they express an interest.

      The best I can say is that there are going to be people in your family, your fiance’s family, and your friends who are going to give you guys the love and support you need to ring in this new chapter of your lives. So congratualtions!

    • anon. gardener

      Are you the last child to get married, or the youngest child? I am the youngest, and when I got married my father had a hard time. I think it was the transition to “old” for him, “the youngest is grown up and married, and I am an old man.” He had such a hard time, in fact, he didn’t come to the wedding. I wasn’t happy but I just let it be, and we eventually mended our fences and everything turned out okay. Viewed against the backdrop of your entire life, past and future, this is probably just a bump in the road. Go on reveling in your new-found happiness. In a day or a week, your mother will join you.

    • pablo .raw

      I don’t think I can help with your rant, but since I read it, I wanted to let you know that I take photos of engagements and weddings 😀

    • Look at the situation as honestly as you can and see if maybe your mom has a right to feel the way she does. You acknowledge that you messed up alot in high school. And while you did apologize, perhaps it came out to your mother as slightly defensive, “Well, I was just a kid!” (I’ll be honest, it sounded a tiny bit that way in this post).

      Is this the first time your mom has expressed these sentiments to you? If you truly gave her good cause to be upset, then maybe she just needed to vent and get it out of her system, and be done with the emotions that she’s been holding in for however long. Be gracious, hear her out, apologize (which you did) and let it go. Don’t expect her to apologize to YOU for finally letting you know how she feels.

      Maybe none of this has anything to do with your situation. Maybe the scenario above is all wrong – in which case, ignore my post, and be happy with your fiancee. The key is just to be brutally honest with yourself about what responsibility you may (or may not?) have in her outburst.

    • Anon, congratulations and good luck!

      For what it’s worth… I would try to keep in mind that although you and your mom haven’t had a _lengthy_ conversation about your engagement in the three weeks since your engagement, you _did_ have a “2 minute convo . . . directly after the event.” If you’d had no conversation whatsoever, that’d be one thing, but she might’ve thought that the quick and immediate acknowledgment/conversation was sufficient.

      On her excuse of not being able to call because she had your sister and her cousin as houseguests… I’ve been dealing with my parents as houseguests (one for a week, one for longer) recently, and it’s been really exhausting and draining. So I can understand that potentially, your mother might’ve had a hard time finding a pocket of time for a lengthy conversation.

      Her calling you selfish and hanging up on you is not very grown-up behavior… but an unfortunate part of growing up is realizing that your parents don’t always act like grown-ups. (Sometimes they RARELY act like grown-ups.)

      You’re upset because the engagement is really exciting for you, and you want your mother to share in your excitement and to manifest her excitement in the form of a long phone call. Depending on what your mother is like, it’s possible that’s just not in her nature. It still sucks, but it can be easier to deal with people if you downsize your expectations, knowing that (however disappointing it might be) they’re just not going to act/react in the manner you’d like them to, and giving them credit for doing whatever’s in their (perhaps rather limited) capabilities.

  • Rant: root canal this morning. This is only a quasi-rant because the doctor (Olga Fonseca) was really nice, and it doesn’t hurt (novocaine is still working).

    Revel: my sister just found out she’s doing her residency at GW, so she’s moving here!

  • Rant: My March Madness brackets aren’t looking too good. I think I’m already in trouble.

    Rave: Florida State plays today. Go Noles!

    • Yep, definitely turning my coworker’s tv on to the Noles game, since she is out today 😉

    • I confess I transferred to Missouri half way through and am actually a Tiger as well, so GO TIGERS (who also play today)! Yes, I have them playing each other at some point in my picks. Probably not a good idea. : )

  • Rant: Got a summons for federal jury duty in the mail last night.
    Rant: It’s for a day about three weeks after I’ve already been summoned for DC jury duty.
    Rant: I’ve already deferred/been excused from both jury duty services once so I can’t defer them again (both deferred for legitimate travel plans last time).
    Rave: It’s Friday?

  • novadancer

    Rave: 4 day weekend thanks to spring break!
    Rant: will probably still have to work since I do taxes on the side

  • Rant: I’ve got the “2 p.m. after lunch sleepy” thing going on…this looks to be a loooong afternoon! Especially since half of the office is already gone!

    Rave: Going to the Circus tomorrow! Judge all you want but I’m still a child at heart.

    Rant: Plans were originally to go to the Circus tonight but since that got moved I now have NO plans…hmmm.

    Rant: Two MORE friends announced they are pregnant this week. I feel so far behind where I wanted to be by now. I wanted to at least start, if not be done with, having kids by 28. I turn 30 in 3 months and am still technically single. Haha, my mom told me I could take steps to move in that direction and I said, “Mom, there are *multiple* ways to go about having kids…”.

    Rave: Co-worker has been on retreat in San Francisco for the past two weeks so before he returns we are plastering a giant Golden Gate Bridge (made from construction paper) on his desk.

  • Rave: Agree completely with the jury’s decisions in the Rutgers spycam trial. That said, I don’t think the kid deserves to be deported or incarcerated. But he’d probably be better off starting a new life back in India, where he’s not nationally recognized for doing a mean-spirited, immature thing.

    • That decision was a tough one for me based only on the New Yorker article about it. I didn’t follow the trial at all, but the article raised questions that make the tragedy not as clean and clear cut as some have made out. At least it elevated the discussion about bullying and advanced the “it gets better campaign.”

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