Random Reader Rant and/or Revel

Photo by PoPville flickr user Madame Meow

You can talk about whatever is on your mind – quality of life issues, a beautiful tree you spotted, scuttlebutt, or any random questions/thoughts you may have. But please no personal attacks. I’ll open this thread every morning at 10am.

89 Comment

  • My dog that I’ve had since 4th grade (I’m 23 now) is probably going to die today. I’m spending the day laying in bed with her hoping that she passes peacefully in her sleep. If she doesn’t by tomorrow I’ll probably have to take her to the vet which I don’t want to do because she will be so scared and I don’t want to put her through that.

  • Rant: Still trying to get over my breakup. I mentioned right after christmas that my ex gf had told me she wanted to break up right when we got back from visiting family the day after christmas. It got worse. I found about 300 emails detailing various encounters cheating WITH HER BOSS at DHS as well as him dealing illicit drugs to her. Lies and a second life that I wasn’t in for the past 3 months. Seriously sucks. She hasn’t texted or emailed, called or anything since she found out I found out. She did however send family to get her stuff, which I gladly helped them pack. However, they forgot a few things and I emailed to let her know what I had found and that I would give it to a friend to give to her. She didn’t respond, instead BROKE INTO the apartment and took her stuff. Psycho, cowardly, and deeply flawed mentally and emotionally. I feel that is being nice in describing who I have learned she really is.

    Revel: Finding a good groupd of friends in town and recieving so much support from friends of years past. Many of whom she forced me to cease contact with out of her own insecurities. I am already starting to enjoy DC as a single male.

    • Kalorini

      Holy Bajeezus, that is awful. How’d you stumble across those emails?

      Glad you got out while you did, rather than marrying this girl down the road and having her secretly bring all this crap into it.

      • She had said she was leaving to go meet up with a girlfriend of hers. When I arrived home her gmail was up on the computer and the top email was from her to her boss saying “ok…meet you at the top of hte elevator…go”….so I read the previous few and it just kept getting worse from there. It’s bad enough feeling the betrayal and broken trust…but then to have her break in to the apartment (and who knows if she has been back subsequent times) totally just destroys my sense of security and delays me moving on. I just can’t get over how selfish she has acted and how immature she has been in not even attempting to discuss how to split things/ bills that we share / etc. In hindsight….Im a sucker who got played…her previous 3 relationships all ended when she started cheating with older male authority figures as she changed jobs/ schools/ etc. I dont know why I thought I would be any different.

        • Sounds pretty crazy. 🙁

          How did she break into the apartment? Does she still have keys and you haven’t changed the locks? If so, it sounds like you need to change the locks.

          • She drilled them out/ punched the locks after I changed them. I even said through an email I wrote and the family she had originally sent to get her stuff that I was changing them. I told them I needed peace of mind and didn’t want to worry about stuff walking off everyday but that she could get a key from the building manager who would let her in to get anything. Although she is on the lease I still called the police. They came and explained that due to the effort I made in informing her of the lock situation and my concerns, my numerous attempts to allow her peacefully in, that they could not charge her with breaking and entering but could charge her with destruction of property. They also reviewed the emails and said there was more than enough to initiate a vice investigation.The problem is, however bad I feel she treated me, pressing charges or sending the emails about the drugs and affair to her boss/thepolice would get her kicked out of law school and the guy arrested and fired. I just don’t know if it’s worth it. The peace of mind knowing she will never be back is all I want right now in order to move on.

          • She sounds so compromised already, that I can’t imagine any bar that would want to admit her after an ethics investigation.

          • saf

            “the guy arrested and fired. I just don’t know if it’s worth it.”

            Yes, it certainly would be. Is this the kind of person you want making national policy?

          • She drilled/punched out the locks?!?! Holy crazy, indeed. While I get the temptation to pursue an investigation resulting in her or her boss being held legally responsible for their actions, I’d say just wash your hands clean of her whole dirty affair, to the extent you can. The more involved you get, the longer you’re involved and tied up in her mess of a life. And while it’s hard to see it now–this will come back at her. Hard. Perhaps not the DHS/drugs angle, but the deceit, choices she makes, the way she treats people–it will catch up with her at some point and you will be very, very glad to not have your futures entangled. And I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through with her.

          • Wow, that’s pretty crazy (that she drilled/punched out the locks after you’d changed them).

            Is there a way that the apartment building can deny her entrance to the building itself? (Not sure if the building uses a key, a code, a swipecard, or what.)

            I see Saf’s point… but I agree more with Anonymous on not trying to get the ex or her boss in trouble. Maybe ask her to reimburse you for the cost of getting the locks changed AGAIN, and if she doesn’t, then press charges on the destruction-of-property front.

            As you said, the main thing you want right now for her not to re-enter your apartment. Probably best to focus on that and let the other things go, lest they drag you down as you try to recover from the whole thing.

            Is there a mechanism for getting her off the lease?

        • Breaking the lock indicates serious mental health or drug issues. Ever try to break a lock? You can’t do it with a credit card, you need tools, planning, and some dedication and effort. What stuff was really that important? Info about the drug use, I’d bet.

          You need to get a restraining order, change your passwords, and watch your credit. You need to follow up with the law school, and DHS inspector general, because this just jumped the gap from romantic adventure to criminal intent.

          • Depending on how possibly unbalanced the ex is, you might want to read Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear.”

            If you decide to report her to DHS (on the drug use, affair with boss, etc.), the information is here: http://www.dhs.gov/xutil/whistleblower-issues.shtm

            Her eagerness to get into your apartment makes me wonder if it wasn’t just drug-related _information_ she was anxious to retrieve, but perhaps a stash.

          • And the law school will want to hear about this. You can pass on information and whatever they do with it is their doing, but they really should know before she is admitted to any bar.

          • I agree–there’s a resource center at family court and info on the website that could help you decide whether a protective order is warranted and how to get one.

    • Brightside: you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you’re better off without that psycho broad. 🙂

    • holy cow. that’s horrible. maybe there’s a lesson here…don’t let your partners tell you who you can or cannot be friends with. not a good sign. enjoy being single 🙂

    • Yikes. You are better off for sure. Good luck.

    • Being single in Dc is great… I’m beginning to think I may never get married but I’m fine with that. I’ve had so many exes try to creep back into my life telling me they were wrong after running off, Sometimes you’ve gotta convince yourself that its not you, its them…

      There is no rule on getting married, I’d like to have kids, but if it involves signing away everything that makes me a creative and motivated individual screw it.

    • I’m really happy for you that you are no longer involved with this psycho. Thank goodness it ended. I hope you can secure your apartment and move joyfully into a happier 2012.

    • you know you dodged a bullet, right?

      • I do know that. It’s just hard when for 3.5 years you have devoted everything to who you thought someone was. Hard not to still see the woman I loved. The busier I keep myself and the more new people I meet the easier it is to get a change in mindset….I wish PoP would have another happy hour soon. haha.

        • After my boyfriend of 5 years fell out of love with me for no apparent reason about 2 years ago, I thought I would never recover. I spent a lot of time alone, and doing things that rendered me unable to feel the pain. We had the same circle of friends, so it was so hard to even find people to talk to. One day I told myself that I wasn’t doing this to myself anymore, and luckily a few months later, moved up here. I’ve got a new life, new wonderful boyfriend, good friends, and keep myself very busy. Said ex-boyfriend recently got engaged to someone else…I hardly felt anything, except for annoyance that he didn’t have the decency to inform me before it was posted on facebook. No one who is struggling with a loss wants to hear it, I sure didn’t, but it’s true that time heals all wounds. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to be happy and healthy!

          • There’s only one way to describe her and that’s bat-sh!t-crazy. I’m very sorry you have to deal with this but you’re better off in the long run. As for blowing the whistle on she and her boss – any temptation/sense of need to do that for the greater good of society will wear off. Trust me, a person of her moral character (or lack thereof) will shoot herself in the foot soon enough… but it sounds she already has by letting herself lose you. When it comes to you, her loss is someone else’s well-deserved gain. Best of luck, and hang in there.

        • talula

          I know it’s a total cliche, but it’s true: time really does heal all wounds. Everything sucks now because you guys just broke up. And it will suck for a while, this is normal. But soon your feelings will change and you will realize that you made the right decision.

          I was with my ex for nearly 8 years, and we broke up a few years ago. It was the hardest, most god awful time in my life. I thought I would never be able to have a relationship again and resigned myself to the fact that I’d die alone in an apartment with 9237304 cats. But as time went by, a lot of my anger and depression subsided, and I decided to make conscious efforts to make myself feel happy, even by doing the smallest, simplest things: listen to my favorite songs, eat my favorite foods, spend time with people who only made me feel good about myself, etc. Slowly but surely I started to feel better about myself and at peace with my break up. And you will too. Sounds like you’re on way already by connecting with a good group of friends. Keep at it!

    • Thanks for all the well wishes, words of support, etc. It really does help to just keep having it shoved in my face that Im better off. I really appreciate it. The one positive so far, i think, is that it happened right around the new year so I truly can take back my life and re-discover who I am; making 2012 my year.

      • There’s a scene from “A Bronx Tale” when young ‘C’ is chasing a guy down the block and Sonny, the gangster C looks up to, asks him what he is doing. C says that he’s chasing the guy because the guy borrowed $20 a week ago and won’t pay it back. Sonny tells C “Forget about it. You just found out that this guy is no friend of yours and all it cost you was $20. Consider yourself lucky because you got off cheap.” I try to keep that observation in mind.
        I’m not minimizing the inconvenience and expense you’ve gone through because of your ex breaking into your place. But you probably have gotten off cheap compared to what continued involvement with her will cost you. That’s why it may be better for you to cut the chord and move on rather than pursue this with the police or the employer of the guy she was cheating on you with. And if you do choose to pursue it, make sure it’s not because you’re trying to keep her in your life in some way – even if it’s a bad way.

      • What kind of drugs are we talking here?

        Also, this behavior was self destructive. If it wasn’t this it would be something else. There are some serious issues there, possibly even some abuse in the past (hence the pattern of older male authority figure). Go forth and be merry. Some people are just unworthy of our love. Plus, I don’t know if you noticed, but there are a ton of single women that populate this site that are always complaining that they can’t meet a nice guy. It is a buyer’s market my friend.

  • Rant: 8 more days of work until my scheduled csection / maternity leave. Hardest part is staying awake. Tried to get baby to turn upside down using a flashlight last night last night, which only annoyed him and made him move from side to side away from the light. Poor little guy.

    Rave: Snow yesterday did not cause insane traffic as I was expecting. I thought everyone would panic and drive their cars into ditches.

  • Rave: Two interviews this week.
    Rant: Not even remotely prepared for them.
    Rave: I only have something to rant about because I have something to rave about!

  • Rant: I just ate a donut.
    Rave: I just ate a donut.
    Rant/Rave: I will just have to work out that much harder tonight.
    Rave: 24.6 pounds down!
    Rant: 60 to go.

  • rave: getting pickier about who i date as i get older (ie having standards)

    rant: getting pickier about who i date as i get older. as i refuse to settle, i find it impossible to meet someone who just makes me gush, gets the butterflies in my stomach, and find that i prefer more my solitude than being with these people.


    • I’ve learned that sometimes, especially as you get older, being tempered by reality and smart thinking versus going “head over heels” as we did when we were younger causes romances to heat up with a slow burn, versus the “butterflies in the tummy” effect. You slowly become attached to that person without even realizing it.

      • Emmaleigh504

        I like this way of looking at it!

      • I don’t know many – if any – married couples, or couples who have been partnered for a long time, who still have butterflies in their stomachs when it comes to their relationship. In fact, many didn’t have those butterflies when the relationship started. That doesn’t mean these couples are miserable or unhappy – most are happy. I think that the expectation that every minute of a relationship should be exciting and passionate or else something is wrong has killed a lot of relationships.

        • I think they exist but they are rare. However, isn’t the best part of a relationship that time when you can’t keep your hands off each other? If you don’t have that at the beginning I do wonder about how the physical stuff will play out in the future. My experience is way old now at this point though since I have been married for a while.

    • The older I get, the more I wish I had not been as picky when I was younger. Ass is ass and I should have gotten more of it.

  • Rant: Neighbors had trash in bins out in the alley without bagging it. Now all their trash is in my back yard due to the winds last week. I am furious, they made no attempt to clean it up, bottles that could ruin my car tires etc… and this is some of the nastiest trash ever… Seriously thinking about getting a fence in my back yard.

  • tonyr

    Rave: Pulp playing Coachella
    Rave: Rest of the lineup not too shabby either
    Rant: 93 days to go

  • Rant: I have become very accident prone in the last few weeks. I’m always a clumsy person, but I have really outdone myself. I just wish I could slow down and not be in such a hurry.

    Rave: Stitches out on Friday.

    Rave: Other than being a clutz, I’m feeling really good about myself.

  • Rave: Applied to 3 jobs already this week
    Rant: Been applying to jobs for forever, ready to get one!
    Rave: Roommate out of town this week! Happy to have the apt to myself.
    Rant: Roommate’s boyfriend basically lives with us, he is over at least 4 times a week. I want to live with ONE roommate not 2.

    • Ahhh one of the biggest things I hate about having a roommate. I’d get annoyed if their boyfriend was over ALL the time but… if I have a boyfriend I want him to feel welcome/be able to come over when I want. The perks of having a roommate never outweighed the stress for me. Love living alone now.. good luck and him constantly being over may only be temporary.

  • em

    Rave: Five months to marrying the love of my life!

  • +1 good perspective, thanks!

  • Rant: Really tired eyes = not good for contacts. My eyes have hurt since 8 this morning and there’s still a long way to go!

    Rave: Good roommate bonding time last night, which was sorely needed. We invented a drinking game for Intervention (yes, I know, how horrible…but very amusing).

    Rave1: The SNOW! It’s about time!

  • Bear

    I don’t know if this is a rant or a rave, but my heart is very full. I’m coming to the end of my extended stay in Uganda. I’m anxious to get home for a lot of reasons, but it’s been such a great trip here–not always easy, often incredibly frustrating–but overall one of the best experiences of my life. I’ll miss my coworkers and others I’ve met along the way once I’m back in DC. Cheesy, I know…

    Definite rant: my most favorite person in our DC office is quitting and her last day is this Friday, so I won’t get to see her off. Her mentoring has made such a huge difference in my career, I can’t imagine going back to the office without her there 🙁

Comments are closed.