Friday Question of the Day: What’s Your Craziest Roomate Story?

Photo by PoPville flickr user Tyrannous

I will forever be in debt to the reader who sent in this Craigslist ad for a roomate titled $465 Behold! Thy answer to housing and high-fantasy/science-fiction living! (LeDroit Park/Bloomingdale ), which says:

“Thy quest for housing and fellowship is over, fellow rogue/mage/ranger/swords(wo)man; here in this ad lies tale of a place where you can lay your head at night without shame or trepidation regarding who you truly are! A truly noble heart is required to enter this domicile – to test its purity you must meet and disarm a small furry goblin that guards the threshold to our keep (his name is Turtle (yes he has had all of his shots)) but be warned, his temper is capricious and you may do him no physical harm while attempting to subdue him. If you pass this first test you will find yourself surrounded by noble (bike) steeds; if you come on foot have no fear for we will not mock you but be aware, all who reside here currently go forth each day and night atop steel and carbon fiber mounts and if you cannot abide by such modern means of transport you would do well to seek out another homestead.

Once past the indoor stable (bike rack) you will encounter the kitchen and scullery, a place capable of great sorcery and alchemy if thy nature is inclined to such means of expression. If it pleases you, or if it is in your nature, a contest of skills could be in order because in this place of mirth and home the cooking of great things is of paramount importance to all who reside here – once a week cook nights taken up by each companion (featuring something vegan, gluten-free, soy-free foodstuffs) ensures that we are all satiated and powered up to do battle with the repressive world that threatens to engulf our spirits (and repress our leveling up). After this saucy saunter we will lead you through the manner to a lair that is only meant to hold the truest of hearts – the utility portion of the basement that lies beneath the stairs.

A modest space for even the most spartan of adventurers, it comes outfitted with a bed and desk that will serve any and all of ones needs. With a door designed to allow for easy entering and exiting one never need fear disturbing the slumber of other adventurers – all of your late night doings are yours to keep. Fear not for your safety though! The door which you may keep is magical for it opens up to the most charming of (enclosed) outdoor spaces! Large enough for any sort of LARPing it is the perfect space for sword or archery practice and the open garage space is All Yours as well (perfect for tinkering/recording/hobbitting away).

Your fellow companions in this dwelling of roguery include: a queer Healer well-versed in Spanish lore with a penchant for gold and an aversion to wheat; a Ranger who spends his days hanging from cliff shelves and working with youths on all things ethical; a Thief who designs wonderous things for NPOs on a magical box that transmits knowledge to others via a ‘web’; a Warrior who fights for Labour and likes to run in search of adventure.

If this sounds like a heavenly abode please email us with your information and we will let you see whether or not you would be a good fit for our noble fiefdom in the Kingdom of DC!

(Especially desired: anyone with knowledge/interest of 9+ sided die games; Ursula LeGuin or Octavia Butler/easy-going nature/quick-wit and nimbleness; Magic cards, not so much)”

I’m not judging, I swear. But it got me thinking about the FQotD, and since it’s August it’s time for another fun one – so what is the most unusual roomate/housemate story you have?

I’ll start, in college I had a roomate who locked himself out of our room and smashed the door down while he was completely wasted. We didn’t have a door to our room for like two months after that. And this is one of the few stories I can retell, on a family blog, about my college roomate but I’m happy to report he’s still a good friend of mine.