Son of a…

DSCN1047, originally uploaded by Prince of Petworth.

My war with squirrels continues. I was sitting on my back stoop trying to figure out who had taken my cherry tomatoes just when they were about to get ripe. I thought opossum, racoon, rat, aha squirrel. Of course, how could I be so stupid. Since I accidentally planted all cherry tomato plants I had been admiring my neighbor’s fat tomatoes. I begged them to let me have a couple when they get ripe. To which I’m happy to say they agreed.

Anyway, I’m on my back stoop pissed off at my pilfered cherry tomatoes when this bastid climbs over the fence with my neighbor’s tomato in his mouth. He didn’t even hustle. He kinda strutted and just looked at me with a hint of a smile hidden by a fat green tomato. And I swear if he didn’t have a big fat tomato in his mouth I would have heard him laughing at me. I’d like to say I lunged after him and grabbed the tomato from him. I’d like to say that, alas, I was utterly defeated. You win this round…

26 Comment

  • I planted a bunch of heirloom watermelons a few years back. Melons don’t ripen off the vine so you gotta leave them in the garden till just the right moment. They were doing great then, just days from harvest, I found that ALL of them had bites in them down to the flesh. Whatever critter it was just took a few bites – enough to ruin them – and moved onto the next. Squirrrrrrelllllls!

  • Home Depot and other stores do sell Tree Rat poison, which I advise you use liberally. I hate those dirty, little bastards!

  • I had the exact same problem, and a squirrel was even kind enough to leave a half chewed tomato on TOP of our fence, as if taunting me.

    I advice against anonymous’s poison. I went to Home Depot and bought some deer netting and stakes to hold it up. I’ve been squirrel-free since.

  • did you know that the black species of squirrels are not native to the area and were actually escapees from the national zoo in the 1970s and have flourished? fun fact for you.

  • My garden efforts were consistently thwarted by the ever-digging squirrels. Then a nesting pair of mockingbirds did a great job of sending them off – it was great how I could grow a garden and produce. But then feral cats killed the babies in the nest and I have lost these fine guardians.

  • I don’t get. Y’all think dogs and cats are people too, but it’s OK to poison squirrels? I guess some animals are more equal than others.

  • My mom who lives in NY, upstate in the adirondacks has had a similar situation for quite a while. Her long term boyfriend recently purchased a BB gun and aparently it works wonders on keeping squirrels away. He only shoots squirrels and leaves the deer, foxes, bears, etc alone when they come into the property. Just a thought..

  • Get one of those jumbo size cans of black pepper and sprinkle them around the plants those bastards are eating. They’ll avoid it like the plague. You have to re-apply after it rains, but it’s nontoxic and relatively cheap.

    Anyway, you can not win a “war on squirrels.” Your only hope is to breed with their women and eventually our differences will disappear. We’ll be surrounded by mutant squirrel bloggers, but that’s a small price to pay for fresh produce.

  • Dirty bastards got my ripening red pepper. Really pisses me off. I only have two of them – let them be!

  • I second what monkey said, but i used red pepper and sprinkled liberally all around my bulbs this year. I learned my lesson last year when about half were dug up and eaten by those darn critters. The thought of a bb gun has crossed the mind at times, just to ping them in the butt so they run away.

  • i bought some black netting from home depot and plan to use it liberally over my figs and my veggies. last year we got one fig from my tree…this year i am striking back! even more infuriating is that they steal the green tomatoes/figs and then let them rot on the neighbor’s back porch…they don’t even eat them half the time.

  • i bought some black netting from home depot and plan to use it liberally over my figs and my veggies. last year we got one fig from my tree…this year i am striking back! even more infuriating is that they steal the green tomatoes/figs and then let them rot on the neighbor’s back porch…they don’t even eat them half the time.

  • two words: BB Gun. What could be better, a bottle of decent bourbon, a bb gun with a scope and a comfy chair on your poarch.

    You can skin the little bugers and make brunswick stew out of ’em.

    At least that’s what we do in Arkansas!

  • I would generally tend to agree with Steve (although I’d personally recommend a .22 gauge pellet rifle and a bottle of cheap evan williams) but through the wonders of bioaccumulation that squirrel in your Brunswick stew may be the harbinger of heavy metals, infectious disease, as well as pilfered cherry tomatoes… so make sure to cook that tree rat WELL DONE.

  • PoP, your epic battle with the squirrels is hilarious. Keep the tales coming – and I hope that soon you are victorious! They drive me crazy as well.

  • Personally, I’m rooting for the squirrel. Look how cute he is! Plus, he’s a black squirrel, DC’s unofficial animal. That’s like strangling a bald eagle. If you hate black squirrels, you hate freedom…. and the troops.

  • Anyone know if it’s against the law to kill squirrels in DC?

  • Growing up, we have a hundred or so pecan trees. The squirrels decided to start taking bites out of the pecans and then would throw them at us as we walked to the car or the house. Evil species.

  • Deer netting. Can’t be beat. You have to be careful with methods like cayenne pepper since some plants, like greens, will taste like cayenne pepper if you use it too close to them. Most BB guns (and all air powered weapons) are illegal in DC, BTW. Don’t know if that means the Daisy Red Ryder spring action is okay… but good luck hitting a squirrel with a Red Ryder.

    In Texas I had a .300 mag Weatherby, 2 shotguns, a Marlin 30-30 leaver action, a .32 auto (walther knockoff), and a Ruger .357 snubby in the house.

    In DC I have a slingshot and a blind cat.

  • Odentex – not sure your Texas arsenl would leave much squirrel left for the stew pot!

  • From Jerry’s Bait and Tackle website:

    3 squirrels –
    about 1 pound dressed and cut into 6 serving pieces each. Dutch Oven
    Sauté Pan
    Flour for dredging
    6 slices of bacon
    2 large yellow onion, chopped
    2 tablespoons garlic, chopped
    1 cup diced plum tomatoes
    6 cups chicken stock
    2 cups dry white wine
    2 bay leaves
    1 cup diced red potatoes
    1/2 pound young okra
    1 cup fresh corn kernels
    1 cup fresh lima or baby butter beans
    1/2 cup diced, peeled turnip
    11/2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary
    4 tablespoons butter, cut into several pieces
    salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
    Dredge squirrel pieces in flour and shake off the excess In a Dutch oven, fry bacon until crispy and then remove it to a paper towel, leaving the drippings Add the squirrel in batches to avoid crowding Brown evenly on all sides than set aside Put onion, garlic and tomatoes in the pot and sauté until onion is softened and starting to turn golden
    Add stock, wine, bay leaves and squirrel pieces and bring to a slow simmer Cook uncovered until the meat is tender and falling off the bone but still intact For young grey squirrels this may take 1 hour; for older squirrels may need two Remove the squirrel pieces, than pull meat from the bones Skim any fat from liquid, then return the meat to the pot along with potatoes, okra, corn, beans, turnips and rosemary Simmer until the potatoes and turnips are tender, 7 to 9 minutes Crumble bacon and stir it into the stew
    Add the butter pieces, stir until melted, and season with salt and pepper Serve immediately

  • My garden has dwindled curiously too. My yard is only 10×15 feet! Now I just drink my morning cup and feed the birds and squirrels right from my hand. You got to admit that squirrel is the picutre is a cute little bugger. Has anyone seen some of these hybrid squirrels. They have like spots of red black and white with orange tails. crazy

  • The ones with the spots taste the best.

  • Jimmy is almost right – but they escaped by the teens. As evidenced by a roadkill logged in 1917. Wdn’t that make it about the first roadkill ever?

  • It’s their arrogance that gets me. It’d be one thing if they took stuff and ran but the fact that they taunt you with their pilferings. If my cats weren’t so fat and slow, I’d let ’em out and at them. Then they wouldn’t be so smug. My tabby has visions of sinking her teeth into their little gray necks.

  • I just saw a squirrel sitting in a plastic bag hung on someone’s fence with trash in it — the squirrel was just tossing bottles and trash out piece by piece as it looked for food. At least it wasn’t eating my one tomato or three bell peppers.

Comments are closed.